Cutting the cord

I can’t remember what it’s like to be around a dog that I like but I’m getting ready to cut the cord on mine and start over

I can’t live with him anymore

I’ve tried

I’ve even tried to enjoy doing the things that I dislike

I’m not dying on the street like Poe

I need my energy clean

And unfortunately my dog lost himself when my neighbor did what my neighbor did to him and he isn’t the same dog and there’s nothing about this new dog that that I like

The whole purpose of me having a dog with depression was to be motivated to take a dog for a walk and my dog doesn’t wanna leave the fucking house or go for a walk

There’s just a lot of shit that he does on a constant daily basis that I can’t stand and after three years I have basically met my boiling point of insanity and I don’t want to live with a fucking animal that’s insane that’s driving me insane

He was my ride or die for six years and then my neighbor changed his personality completely and he’s been a nightmare to live with for three years and I don’t wanna spend another minute with him

He’s bonded to me but my every pore now hates him

I don’t know what to say

I went from having a service animal to a special-needs dog and that wasn’t what I signed up for so I’m cutting the fucking cord after three years of me not being able to deal with it

I’m going to get a new dog but I’m not gonna do it in front of him

I wish he could’ve just grown old, that would’ve been cool, but no he’s fucking insane and I don’t want my energy around anything that isn’t nurturing me

You’re allowed to be completely insane but if you do things to me that elicits a negative response and you continue to do it then I don’t want you in my life

I don’t care if I gave birth to you or adopted you, if you are blood, animal or not

Some orcas drive you insane because they’re fucking bored

I’m tired of being triggered

I just want some fucking peace and quiet

He lives in flight mode 24/7

I can’t deal

I’m having nervous breakdowns because of his behavior

A dog is driving me insane

He went from me wanting to take a bullet for him, to wanting to put a bullet in him, so it’s time for us to go our separate ways now

I once could to take him anywhere and then my neighbor did what my neighbor did and I wanted to go John Wick on my neighbor and I told my neighbor that and my neighbor moved but that still didn’t solve the problem, my dog is still insane and I hope him and his family drive into a fucking tree and burn alive

My dog was the only thing I had during this pandemic and my neighbor took that from me so fuck him and his entire bloodline

Fuck his friends

Fuck everything

Yeah?

Now you understand…

Or do you?

I honestly can’t remember what it’s like living with an animal that I like and I’m an animal lover, I fucking love dogs but I don’t love this one

Ambiguous loss

Hard lessons

Imagine dying upside down with shit running down your back and they wouldn’t even give you a second phone call…

A man nearly died once and I watched a film about it eons ago called Touching The Void

His partner cut the cord on him and he fell to his near death

It was sheer will that kept him alive

He fell deep into a crevice

He said when there’s nowhere left to go, go further in

But first I need to cut the cord on my dog because he makes me lose the will to live

It sounds insane I know

But if you could just take care of him for like maybe 48 hours so I could get a break maybe maybe I could handle another fucking day with him

Otherwise, let me die

I have PTSD

My dog is triggered over any noise now

Sometimes he’ll randomly bark right in my ear and I want to punch a wall

It happens more often than not

He has made me question my entire life

So yeah, I’m starting fully over y’all

I still have some things I need to let go of that is keeping me from ascension

Have you ever had to cut the cord to save your life?

I want to do very bad things to my neighbor for disrupting my life the way he did and taken my service animal from me

He was quite literally the greatest love of my life and now he’s just a little over 10 years old and I’m getting ready to cut the cord on our relationship because I can’t handle him anymore and it’s all because he’s a dog gone wild thanks to my neighbor

I fucking love people so very much

Edgar says to get a new dog and rehome the lad

Because I’m quite literally ready to die on the street, that’s how fucking fed up I am and in need of a change of environment

I pay a lot of money for these prison walls and I deserve to have some peace and quiet before I die

The next time some asshole tries to chase my dog around the parking lot, he’ll be getting shot in the leg though fair warning

His entire family may get crucified upside down

Say motherfucker one more time, I dare you

11 thoughts on “Cutting the cord

  1. I’ve cried a lot over it! I’ve done everything in my power to fix it. He won’t budge or change. He’s stuck in this mental state. A drowning man will try and drown you too. I love this little lad and I regret deeply how things have turned out. He had an amazing life and still could. I myself am not well. My adult tall grown male neighbor should have never chased a tiny 10 pound dog around like that but whatever. This pandemic changed my dog into something I can no longer live with. It’s a terrible situation. But I haven’t had 1 day of rest since the event. He was the perfect dog for 6 years, and a complete nightmare for 3. I know I can’t make it another year, let alone another day. He’s that bad. It’s numerous things on a daily basis. I deserve a second chance and a dog that I’m bonded with and that will mind. And more importantly, I don’t want any more meltdowns. I’ve come close to ending both our lives. Mentally I go dark. And I’m not going dark until he does something to me. It takes a lot for me to calm down and not actually explode. Just at the end of my rope. I’m a terrible mother because I don’t want kids that misbehave. My dog lost himself and I don’t want to lose myself. He makes it easy with the daily torture sessions he is giving me emotionally. Not to mention when he crashes into me it physically hurts my back. He causes me physical pain and mental agony and I don’t do shit to him. He’s not abused!!!!

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  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I definitely agree that the best thing for both of you is to re-home the dog or put him in a no-kill shelter if there’s one nearby. I haven’t had a dog since childhood, but one of them I remember had horrible PTSD from a previous owner before my parents adopted him; for years and years, this dog would pee all over our house, make noise 24/7, and we couldn’t trust him to wander around the house alone. He always had a horrible odor despite watching him outside to make sure he’s not playing in mud. And he wasn’t sick either, he just smelled that way. He was a poodle, and it got bad to the point that he jumped on my mom’s old cat and urinated all over him.

    From that experience, I know it was not normal dog behavior; it was just him. I watched a couple of puppy golden retrievers a year ago and they were a piece of cake compared to that poodle–even if they drove me a bit crazy, hahaha.

    I’m an animal lover, but if it becomes a point where it’s unbearable to live with an animal and they’re causing you physical and emotional pain, you are beyond justified in re-homing them. It is a sad situation and I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you, and as well the dog who became that way from your neighbor. PTSD is a bitch, and I hope you find a dog that’s right for you again. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it sounds like you did the best you could do here.

    I hope that despite it all, that you’re having a good holiday season and I wish you a happy and healthy new year. 🙂

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  3. Thank you for you thoughtful reply. It helps to hear it from someone other than me or what I was taught that an animal is for life. I’m miserable. It takes so much effort to not be miserable. He once stopped me from having anxiety attacks and now he is the root cause. Uggg I’ve tried everything to help him, even medication! I don’t know how to let him go, I keep thinking he will snap out of it and I will get my old dog back. He looks like my dog but he isn’t the same. It’s like a demon possessed him. I can’t save my dog and I feel like he’s taking me down with him.

    Despite all this, we both had a good Christmas. He got new toys and treats but if it’s something that mom doesn’t like or want him to do, then he’ll make sure to do it over and over. Timeout doesn’t work. Yelling. Crying. Begging. Pleading.

    I miss my buddy. I’m extremely lonely now and even more depressed than before.

    I keep watching this madness unfold on a daily basis and reminding myself that nothing is worth the cost of my peace.

    I’m dealing with chest pains, heart and lung issues. It takes everything I have to not let a human being trigger me.

    All my dog has to do is run out in front of me and crash into me and cause me physical pain. Even if I warn to watch out before I take off running, suddenly that must mean crash into mom.

    People change and animals do too. But it was always drilled into my head that an animal was for life because my mom is cruel and doesn’t have a humane bone in her body.

    My dog doesn’t want to listen to me. He’s beyond rebellious. I didn’t deserve this. I want a normal dog again or no dog ever again. He’s turned me off from animals in my home. Because, I don’t get anything from this relationship anymore except agony and torture and a lot of extra clean up.

    Happy holidays and thank you for offering me some peace. You’re the only one who has shared an experience and your opinion aside from “yeah just rehome it”. I really appreciate it. My dog has been given me some dark days and I just keep whipping out the love. I feel like I’m in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend again and it’s terrible.

    I don’t know what I’m gonna do but I know I’m gonna take some comfort in your message and I have a long road to figure it out.

    Happy holidays! I think it helps to share the madness of the holidays and not keep it all bottled up inside. 😌

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