lol well i’m not fixing this mess you made
“do not judge”
fully empty
fully empty
heart on sleeve
a pity
some would say
that’s plenty
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
no idea was ever my own. and even when it was, my adopted stepfather didn’t hesitate to let me know at age ten “that idea was already done”
“…but it came in a dream”
“…it wasn’t TV”
i dunno. he died with me mad. wonder why?
i have pet peeves too. if a product requires a special tool or the Incredible Hulk to open it, just so I can have a wee taste of avocado, I just ain’t buying your product again.
if bread contains more than 3 ingredients, it is junk. don’t feed it to the birds or fish, unless you want them to become sterile!?!
i mean, i know you support nihilism, until you see the poor eagles struggling in the cold you created, “it’s nature” “don’t interfere” until you do and tag them, change their dna, and make things worse.
but when i saw the crows come, and the cries of the mama, i knew.
i had a gut feeling them eggs weren’t gonna hatch
cuz i watched how they handled the last batch not hatching
she laid on them eggs 96 hours straight during a snowstorm and i can’t even take the trash out in the 60 degree cold rain
but i watch the blood running from me in the toilet and shower
the bloody pads
and i don’t have a man trying to make my eggs fertile or my life comfortable
and im also running out of time
even tho they labeled me obsolete at 29 birth
over 1 million “middle aged women” in china are depressed and suicidal – cuz the followed and supported the “one child law” and they lost their only child during the pandemic – and so 1 million men divorced and got with younger women to “try again”.
and these monsters operate the entire world
“made in china” just like my depression
but i got friends there you know?
friends behind a great wall
a wall that is being dismantled and sold on the black market to build houses
their own people are tearing down the wall illegally and building homes with the bricks and im here for it
im here to watch the wall fall
yeah?
maybe my friends need help but cannot say
33% of the population but 100% of the crime (not the Chinese)
men out there posting tiktok’s “men’s mental health matters” and im getting blocked for commenting “i like watching them drive off the pier ngl”
i finally found something i like watching and doing
i can’t wait to let the therapist know i slowed the frame down and watched for hours –
i can’t get any tv show or movie to get my attention
i thought i developed add
but i had no trouble watching a real life event – that included no sensitive content warning – and the AI didn’t mind me spending hours watching someone kill themselves
so i indulged
on repeat
with frame slowed
no volume
no ad interruptions
my brain lit up like a firework i had so many questions
but zero empathy
it is okay for them to attack me and call me a “manhater” and all sorts of “you need help” but i ain’t allowed to say “men are monsters”
but men can and do and will blame WOMEN for everything
bye boy bye
p.s. everything is like a bag of chips now, full of air.
i can’t wait for the mass exodus of consumerism
if only…
i wish i had gifted myself a gift card
im sure there’s a poem in there somewhere
but like… i cant even shop on ipsy currently
which is fine cuz i prob shop too much anyway
which forces me to have a skincare and self-care routine
“we don’t need to wear any makeup we’re dying”
“well that’s good enough reason for to wear best dress”
“i mean you aint wrong”
i got an appt incoming and like are they gonna know they been in my livingwaking dream
it is kinda confusing
i know im lost in hell
but the mold
is about to drive me into a tent and break my lease
i got the realtor and potential new landlords texting and calling
but i aint answering either one
robot on mars
overwhelmed
even if they wanted money in a shoebox
i cant even access my own funds
i was like “is there a physical bank to enter and make withdrawals”
and shes like “$35 to expedite”
instant disconnect
prob gonna withdraw my milk money soon
put it in a shoebox
bury it
“forget where”
“TELL ME WHERE THE BOX IS”
im sorry
i think this post was meant to stay in my head
i could have gone the rest of my life not knowing about the Alaskan roadkill lottery
“waste not want not”
yeah want not. fasting for the next two weeks. religious practice.
yes it does
BLOCKED oh i musta offended someone oh shame within
maybe some poetry soon huh
got a few lines but no energy
boomer: “you”re retired at 45?” (asks like im lying)
gen x: “uh yeah. military.”
boomer: “you need to be earning 6k a month to rent here from me and my wife”
gen x: have fun
fool me twice
i let paypal do me dirty again
i was having too much fun shopping (in small increments & amounts) on TikTok
and funny how the same day congress wants to ban TikTok
PayPal is restricting my account – without any real reason attached to their claim – and have decided to hold my account hostage – until i provide them more DATA that they will sale to the enemy – that i do not want to do
therefore, i cannot use paypal for why i signed up (a second time)
(the first time they outed my anonymous donors who contributed to a pool i created – based on FAQ provided by PayPal – which they apparently can update and change at will – rules for me but not thee – and there is more to this point i’m sorry) – but not only did they expose who the anon donors were – they eventually made them priority in my contact list – who had never sent me a dime where i was meant to be aware – but low and behold – something i don’t think the therapist could understand – and even if they should – there was so much shame attached to my sense of self – that the bridge was nearing closer everyday!?!
so i deleted my obsession
i mean account
but then for stupid “i wanna shop in private and protect my data reasons” – i opted to open a new account
start again
this time not using my account to receive – only send and shop
but now PayPay is cockblocking me again
and they outed my private new email – that i will need to delete
and i had to call my bank to let them know that i need to change my identity in order to break up with paypal
because they keep doing updates and selling my data by turning on those little boxes they add in
im getting scam emails – clever tricky ones trying to get me to put my money in a shoebox and tape it up and give it to the blacked out car with the CIA/FBI agents (please note that if anyone wants me to put any amount of money in a shoebox – even $5 – i will be calling my therapist and the cops immediately and letting them know i have potentially crossed the threshold breaking point)
m’kay
anyhoo – the scam emails continue even tho i ain’t giving anyone my info to send/receive
but PayPal is
and now for no other reason than “shopping on TikTok” they have decided to hold my account hostage until i provide them more personal forms of data
and so the contract should be null and void
cuz i can’t use it how i signed up for – and i ain’t providing shit
they won’t remove my card – so the card is destroyed – bank informed – text and emails reported as spam and phishing – and a Better Business Bureau report pending to be done
i don’t owe paypal a penny
nor is anything pending
other than my random penalty “ma’am you were shopping with the enemy”
but don’t they know i got friends in China?
it’s cheaper and better buying direct from the source
fuck a third party
but now i gotta move to break up with paypal
i had to change my bank info
im gonna have to change my phone number…
i swear it’s not a joke
there’s been no fraudulent activity
no resolutions filed
no issues with bank or login
just suddenly today “tiktok may get banned” “provide data or no soup for you”
and so i said no
delete my account
but they won’t
so i gotta change my identity
i swear to fuck
genX out
(i told paypal thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love shopping)
that i will be outside more thanks to them
you should delete your account now – while you still can
i couldn’t even delete my profile photo after i canceled all my subs
when i called support back – the way she paused at the name change – and said “it’s kinda inappropriate” and i said whaaaaaa the “FU” and she said “yeah” and i responded “well the AI let me do it”
“and i didn’t need to provide anything”
so they will likely fix that glitch yee-haw
i am the anomaly in the matrix and is god is here!!!!!! he/she is everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!
paypal is holding my data hostage and unless i bow down to thee i am not allowed to shop – only receive
well im done receiving!!!!!!
im done giving!!!!!!!
and i cant spend my own money for 7-10 business days 2 weeks cuz the banker failed to tell me my new card wouldn’t arrive until then
so shopping withdrawals thanx to our good PAL
looking at a place to rent tomorrow
they aint getting my new number or address
gotta flee the country to escape ELON MUSK!?!?
who da fuk own PayPal now
he thinks hell is gonna be a party where all his friends are
they will he in hell – but he wont have access to them
lol
could you let God know i don’t really think it should be legal – what they are doing and my mistakes are so hard learned if any
the bank listening: “paypal won’t let me break up with them”
“this is toxic”
“i gotta move”
“change my number”
straightjacket or pier?
limited to shop cuz they want more data to sell to the enemy but my name change is inappropriate
*laughs*
hope Walmart still takes a check… nearly out of water
and thank god i never attached anything other than my card – that card is now destroyed – and my address and phone number are changing
maybe i don’t need to leave the country yet
giving away more items: donated books and bakingware to the library and neighbors
i had planned to do some mental health shopping this weekend
yah no
LOL (trigger warning?)
2019 was the year huh
2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)
no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)
but you know if looks could kill
looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too
i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)
but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him
would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side
nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket
welp
help. still in hell. *sadface*
i’m not in / this isn’t happening
SAME
p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”
like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)
i tried to put it in a poem
it isn’t going very well
don’t hang up it’s me
i’m dying
find a tree
and hang freely
bridge NOW
uggg sword of envy
maybe poetry coming, maybe poetry not
i have very little worth here
no point
“do you know why you are here”
“do you know why you are here…?”
i don’t know what brought me here
there was a period of awareness in womb – and already a desire to end life before it even started
there are dents in my rib where i rubbed –
clawing to escape the sound of my own heart
or maybe i didn’t want to be born into a monstrous world,
with the cold Antarctic as my mother
my father was a destiny of lies
my mother prayed for my death
said i wasn’t born in love
said i had the darkness in me
all while holding my sister close
the pandemic swept her from her arms and now all blame lies on me
i told her i wanted her to die in pain
i told her i wanted her to suffer more than all the suffering she had caused me
some prayers get answered and others don’t
lessons to be learned
even i am lost in purgatory
without direction
but the wind is no longer gnawing at me
only regret
i plan to bury it
deep within the crusty earth
and plant with it a seed
one day the crust will rise
an angel can spread her wings
no longer laying dormancy
i have done things i regret
to stay afloat the Tennessee river
oh the bridges i’ve been pushed from, jumped, or burned…
what brought me here
maybe the long agony hours awake
the will it takes
that even when you are in the trenches dying, you need to change your socks
it bothers me that John did not have his shoes removed
i would have been clawing the earth off of me
i would have made it cave in
on Susie….
sorry not sorry
i came here to judge!?!
i was stripped of my wings and used as a fleshlight
they want me to believe i haven’t any worth – all while trying to traffic me
the pretty ones are the biggest threat
the ones with the light
the neighbors gang up on me to harass me then scream “we fear the white one”
i am going extinct
if you aren’t serving them with sex or buying their bullshite, then phrases like “she gon be shot” are sung out
i sleep in the lions den where two girls where shot
for being good girls
had to ask the front office what it would take to get the crosses removed from the windows where the tape once was
their cheeks turned rosy; “we’ll take care of that for you”
and i am sure the undercover cop and department is looking for another promotion soon
another major drug bust went down and the gangs need to get revenge
call me paranoid but the cop told me i needed to move
not just from “here” but the entire city
and now there are things i can’t tell my therapist
now there’s really no one to trust
now it is “i need a priest, maybe this isn’t your lane”
maybe the demons in my head
maybe the feelings of unworthiness
maybe no direction
but i need to cast Satan out
you got a pill for that?
cuz maybe i’m a monster
but i still need a priest
some holy water poured on me
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
sos: help i’m in hell
anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)
oh… did light bulb go off?
can you give me some light?
i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do
im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!
and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?
is this what dying on the cross is like?
you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?
is that how this works?
asking for a friend
crush
does he hold me hostage in his mind?
is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream?
he has touched me in places i have never seen
majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs
he turns my low to highs
the devil lives three doors down
i got his number
unholy ghost in town
and i still can’t slumber
is that you
shining light in my path
just a crush?
you spin the earth
like heaven
i can feel the rush
but time ain’t changing near you
my cheeks turn rosy
got a royal flush?
you must be the warmest place in the solar system
you must be a taste of the life i am missing
i walk around a zombie hissing
but in my dreams we’re kissing
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
got a reason to live, even if delusional and not in sync with reality
but i’ve been dying – and you likely won’t find that in my file folder – but i have also been praying, that i could just “see” my soulmate “one time”
and i only got a minute before everything went blurry – but time stood still
i think i might have loved him instantly
i think i may love him now
everything is so fucked up
it was like my life was flashing before my eyes – and now my dreams are everything i’ve lost
and have you seen me? no many would ever find value in me.
still. i have never had any man look at me or touch me or move me the way he does – both in dream or reality.
the man could have been frightened but im dreaming of making babies with him
i have zero worth im aware
but we can’t help who we love, right?
he gives me the most beautiful dreams
God said alright you got a minute
i really hope he’s happy
whatever life he has chose to live
do we collide in each others dreams? cuz they feel real
plot twist: patient falls in love with doctor
oh well
oh by the way…
oh by the way
i wanted to say
fuck you
for thinking there are clouds
above you
positioned in the sky
to charm you
like everything belongs to you
like everyone’s below
your feet too
i do beseech you
take a seat
or look in the rearview
the nihilism you do
a comet
come to split the air in two
oh by the way
fuck you
for the endless dreams
that I do
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
them damn acorns
this is hilariously sad
he fired off so many rounds – over 1 acorn
“shots fired, shots fired” – has no idea from where – panics – targets the car in front of him 😬
but im called “paranoid and crazy” cuz i dont want to leave my house cuz anytime i do there is high risk for me to get trafficked, kidnapped, swamped, hid in a wall, or something worse 👀
and the traffic is insane
25 minutes just to back up from the parking lot at Publix and the overweight white millennial parked next to me nearly blew his lid
there are worse ways to die than John Jones – but so far – for me – his tops
only 10% of people hear voices in their head – and i hear whole symphonies of people who have died – singing – the most beautiful sounds
ive been collecting acorns around here
that squirrel or the lawnmower hasnt destroyed
it used to be a swamp out here but it was nearly all wiped out
i tell the trees and animals i worry for them
the remaining bits of trees that remain
but its private property and just cuz 70% of my income goes to living here – it dont mean i get a say about how things go
the blowing dirt and leaves around the parking lot for HOURS
DUMB
over pruning the trees
DUMB
i get triggered when i hear the chainsaw now 😭
“mature trees and landscaping” the website advertises
but they cut down a baby tree growing – and i planted more seed in the same spot – now another baby is growing
and they cut the arms off of the trees growing towards the sunlight
she was a sycamore
had survived two hurricanes
but not the chainsaw
i cried
i researched pruning – with pictures –
not to mention all the fish they killed dumping chems into the water
i called the EPA eventually and Allan laughed at me
i think i ended that call “i know you want love with a prostitute”
Allan was terrified for his life 🥶
i got a private call from
a cop “so youre not on your way to orlando right now”
*laughs*
“not at this precise moment, no….”
*laughs*
I bet Allan still thinks about me 🤩
*laughs*
cut down another tree – fire more shots at people cuz acorns are violent as hell
you ever had one hit you in the head?
you ain’t alive 👀
real life
he didn’t fall out of a 5th story window tho did he –
he “fell ill”
(stories from Russia)
she drowned in the back of a cop car – with handcuffs behind her back
(stories from Tennessee)
he musta done something so God awful he never wanted to be found. so they reported him missing and pulled his body from the ocean – but remains unnamed
(stories from Virginia)
the most inspiring couple of 2024 🤩
and here’s me not giving a fuck about anything and everything all at once
*subject to go private again without any warning – don’t come in*
the ai did me good 😭
i love ipsy 😭
people were complaining they didn’t get her signature look but i did 😭
thank you ipsy and ai 😭
oh! im getting a free gift for upgrading too!
im afraid to do an unboxing 😭
people will burn me at the stake for getting her signature red 😭
im also getting the barbie roller with my glam bag and folks would unalive me 😭
the ai hooked me up 😭
why am i being nice to ai 😭
and gwen and gavin were my favorite couple for decades 😭
stop making me choose between them 😭
i’d go to both of their bbq’s 😭
happy with my glam bag & icon box upgrade 😭
yes ai will choose for you 😭
it’s a draw of the cards
but also they said dont put too much in the quiz otherwise AI wont know what to choose 😭
and i instantly thought of that bot on mars 😭
then everything made sense 😭
i didn’t cancel my membership, i upgraded 😭
im getting amazing products to hide the hideous weathering 😭
gwen aint weathering 😭
she came to earth with worth 😭
i dont wanna drive off the pier 😭
i want my icon box to arrive 😭
happy valentine’s babes!
treat yourself! ❤️
(there are several plans, they are easy to cancel, skip months, or change frequency! i’m having fun for now! when ai isn’t making me cry! 😭)
tip: on the quiz, don’t tell the AI you want to try everything, it will overwhelm him! 😭)
(and yes, even with quiz preferences, they will still send you things you may not want)
(or you may get lucky) 😭
(i was afraid to tell people to just visit her site and purchase it but they really wanted to get it with the box)!
this will be my first time trying it too! and they have some 3.5 million subscribers!?!
so the odds are?
i don’t know how many tubs they have
but it ain’t 3.5 million…
hope goes a long way in this hell… (and luck)
heavy (freestyle)
his words fall on me, so heavily, i cracked my bones on the pavement
and now there’s worry and little pieces of flesh lying dimensional to his regret
if i put up a sign “all is well” he will leave graffiti in places my heart should be
i sometimes awaken and wonder if my dreams were tucked away in his journal hidden, locked behind a key of code, with my image used as his anti-phishing security measure, as even i seem locked out of my own reality, at times
i am lost and he is the great gatekeeper of my maps and journeys
sometimes my voice bounces off his walls and forms new hells
i watch people gather in his mirrors conducting praise, they don’t see his ghostly shadow stalking
i wonder if they can see the moon? harvesting the cold fury solitude?
perhaps we all have sins to account for
the way i tiptoe over life, looking back at the god awful mistakes i have made
packing up accountability, until it collapses in on itself, forming a blackhole
and there in the center, you will find us.
that’s the only goTdamn place we can meet in the whole galaxy.
it’s no wonder i’ve grown accustomed to jumping into the deepest, darkest holes
i can remember his face there
if i claw, his flesh will bleed
there i can feel something
it’s almost like i’m alive
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
he wasn’t braking *trigger warning*
it was just the lights flickering
i thought (at first) he was braking (they finally pulled him out of the ocean)
but he drove through an iron gate to nosedive off the pier
he wasn’t braking
and i don’t know what bothers me more
the fact that he wasn’t hesitant or he was!?!?
i really have a hard time visiting (or sharing) any news sites cuz they are all plagued by ads eating your data, can’t scroll, can’t read, like picking flies off in Iraq when trying to eat
they will fucking swarm you
i watched him drive off that pier so much
never once was there a “sensitive content warning”
“participating in this activity could get you hurt”
i watched him drive off that pier doing only what i dare to dream to do….
he wasn’t hesititating
i would like to write a poem but words fail me
as i struggle with my own depression, my own identity, a place to belong in this world
but don’t hand your cards over to Satan
this might be his world
cuz i asked (while awake) for some clarity if this was “heaven or hell”
im like “yeah the sun feels nice – in limits – and we’re all eating one another to stay alive”
and i know we are suppose to work together
and i know we are born into a manmade prison cuz of his lustful nature
but I had a dream
and in that dream – i came to a realization, and stated to others i cannot recall or remember, in a frantic realization, “we’re in hell”
and it woke me up
but it’s just the tip of the iceberg potentially
and i don’t wanna be down in hell an eternity
i don’t like them odds
and those who worship the dark one make it so easy in society every step we turn to commit sin
i don’t want to live a life of sin and i do not comply with the social credit system
i DO sometimes think of driving off the pier
but man
you ever dove off a diving board and landed on your back?
was he knocked out when the car hit the water?
did he watch himself drown?
he wasn’t swearving
on a wet bridge
he didn’t seem intoxicated to me (maybe parasites)
i thought he was braking
but it was an optical illusion
just the car taking dips
i don’t think he wanted to be found
i don’t think he knew (or wanted) his ending broadcast on TikTok and social media
he didn’t want out, he didn’t want to be found
the only thing he regretted was his life
he didn’t regret having complete control over his ending (did he?)
were there regrets down there in those final moments?
did he struggle?
was he a gen x?
I NEED TO KNOW
i was approved (pro 2a)
im not allowed to pick her up til the 23rd tho
but i signed the atf form, i passed my background check
but I don’t have a carry permit so shall not be infringed upon until the 23rd and then I can go pick her up she’s already paid for and she’s mine and the serial number has already been confirmed
I’ve already bought her ammo and a lock case; I have personal ammo and I have ammo for the range 🙂
yee-haw
and wasn’t i a kid in a candy store
One of the workers offered me a job and some of the bystanders were very interested in what I bought and everyone told me that it was an excellent choice and it’s a great starter gun 🙂
and it’s made in the usa
he said it fit my hand nicely
i got a picture of her 🙂
this ain’t no bb gun BB
new starter gun 🙂
couldn’t decide between a 38 special, a 9mm, or this 40
she comes with two 14 round magazines in the box 🙂
gotta get to the range soon – got ammo for that
and these hollow points that “spread out”
happies
scored this lock box for ten bucks and he made sure the size would fit by holding my gun to the box
pick her up soon 🙂
in Florida you no longer need a carry permit but if you wanna walk out with your weapons the same way you buy them you do
a little asmr gun unboxing at the store 🙂
i can’t promote anything gun related or i will get penalized and my account with an “armed and dangerous” flag 🙄
and possibly banned
because everything is Made in China but my fucking gun
I have been eyeing the revolvers though
and tho i have a soft spot for shotguns i dunno if i can handle kickback currently
I need to get my carry permit and I want to get to the range so I can get familiar with my weapon and be a responsible gun owner 🙂
guns be selling out fast and im jumping on that train
the boys were asking specific questions about what i bought
at one point i stated i knew how to drive but not familiar with all the models lol
I don’t recall firing a 40 or a 38 special in the army but a 9mm and an M-16 A2 rifle and live grenades and grenade launcher and all sorts of other shit I can’t remember yes 🤪
I was very efficiently trained to take my weapons apart in the dark including the firing pin and put them back together within a certain timeframe and wearing my gas mask
today I went and bought a gun and got a job offer
had several people tell me it was a good choice!!
i was like “i know i could buy a 9mil at this price but i wanted something a little smaller”
“i wanted a 38 but this kept catching my eye”
“there was three, and then two, and now there is one”
*laughter*
i just leveled up my game
and i need to refresh the skill sets i already have programmed in me
does it not come with a safety switch – lol
oh no
IS THERE REALLY NO SAFETY
babe why did you let me shop for a week for guns only to select one at 4:20 am without a safety switch
BABE
it’s his fault that he’s not here taking care of me and I selected something that I’m not familiar with or that I’ve ever been trained with
HIS FAULT
GOOD CHOICE THEY SAID
“don’t shoot yourself in the foot” was never once heard
hit the like button if you want to see how my range adventures go and I can’t post about this shit anywhere else on social media
I struggled getting the grenade launcher loaded in basic training
but once I did my drill sergeant was so impressed and he said I was the only one that hit the target which were tanks far far out but I used up nearly all my time to get it loaded
and you’re not allowed to throw the live grenade like a baseball and so it didn’t go very far and we had to jump in the hole the first time lmao
“I thought you played baseball” my drill sergeant shouted
“get in the hole”
portals
i sometimes think of george
the way clouds appear large and exciting
bringing redemption in the air
i sometimes see george like jesus
or maybe he put him there
he took my breath away and replaced it with new lungs
i can’t explain how time paused
the way him and I would stare
how unfair; people come into our lives only to move mountains and disappear
sometimes god feels everywhere
which makes moral decay a plant growing in the moonlight
i can feel ego slip into non-existence
but not despair
it’s a falsity to say he won’t hold your hand in hell
i’ve barred my door shut and clawed the walls with no entry marks
“none who may enter is trusted including self”
mirrors hold energy like portals to regrets
i told him “i don’t want to die” while pulling out my hair
“all i see are demons”
“i don’t want to be put away”
i looked at him like a stray
faith is looking into his eyes and seeing a great creator
i was just a whore
before him
starving without bread
humility is feeling too dirty for a cleansing
putting signs up “god not allowed”
yelling from its tunnels
“haven’t I made you proud”
can’t undo the dying
blood covered shroud
tongue swollen
couldn’t figure it out
abandon hope fully
death like a pulley
with no air to shout
“no hope coming” – letters on a doorway mat
might as well put up a plaque
people say “she went missing”
god as her witness
george is the gentle rain
i was hungry and i was starving
and he took time to wash my feet
i swear i saw rainbows beneath him
he was the pot of gold
not to be taken
he was the dream you want to remember when awakened
i sometimes think of george on dark moonless nights
i sometimes think of george
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace
my blog is still advert free
psst… i ❤️ ipsy
thing (easy rhyme)
i wanna get rid of it all
watch the pendulum swing
how you soften my fall
the way you grasp that thing
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i’m still dealing with a sick dog so even if I did have a working computer I probably wouldn’t be able to sit down at it
they’re gonna burn in hell for forced obsolescence
i don’t even wanna pay a monthly fee to store photos or access email
i’m sick of supporting the enemy
also me: loves shopping 🥹
also me: “too many things”
Life is a balancing act and I was born clumsy and kicked out of the tree
another boomer with…
another boomer with a flooded house
awe
you stole so much from GenX, how’s that working out for you now?
other countries that follow these ridiculous policies are also tanking
– their Gen X got hit the worst too…
i hope the boomers get what’s coming: hell
an entire generation HATES you (minus one or two sheeple)
the way society has ghosted us
burn burn burn
wretched week
it was a bad week
not a bad day –
an entire fucking week!
with small intervals of “the sun is out, you made it through the night, do you wanna try and walk”
and after 48 hours of his explosive diarrhea which kept him quarantined to his bathroom – with many walks outside – I called the vet
I told them which location I wanted to go but they wanted to send me on a 6 Hour Rd. trip when my dog had diarrhea
“id like port orange please today if possy”
her: ‘we have one available in iron city”
me: “where is iron city, how far”
her: ‘do you want the address for Port Orange’
i’m fairly certain I’m living and suspended in a different dimension than most people
i got struck by lightning in my jeep all windows down arm out 80 miles an hour circa 2018
i’ve never seen so many arms of bands of lightning and the sound was so loud it was like something fell from heaven
i screamed “fuck” as my life literally did flash before my eyes
I could still see the lightning on the road as I was driving away
it was even more odd i veered into the middle lane the precise time it decided to touch down
millions of arms
my arm was still burning when I got home and I started googling if electricity was radiation and freaking out because I didn’t have any iodine in my house and still don’t
things have not been the same since
oh… the dog saw the vet yesterday and had his anal glands expressed
i was blaming myself for everything that went wrong as he was i thought “dying”
he is so old his body is starting to shut down
he wants to be here, no matter how painful this gets
he may have to get his glands expressed again
I wonder when mommy will ever have a good day again
but then sometimes I realize I should probably be grateful that I even have this to tend to
i told him im not far behind
and i hope he greets me in heaven
since he will become heaven’s mascot when he arrives
he earned his wings down here
I kinda have been praying for this day to come and now that it’s arriving I don’t want it to come – I have guilty feelings for wanting my life back – to move on without him
ive made some moral mistakes
they are so hard to recover from
but also i’m starting to experience some tenderness in my kidney area and the medication just isn’t working fully
thought and prayers
p.s. she said there wasn’t anything I did and that I would probably need to bring him in again to get his anal glands expressed as it’s common for old dogs
i’m fucking exhausted after the week I’ve had and I know it’s 6 AM but I’m gonna smoke a fucking joint – it’s prescribed
im aching im tired i wish markburgesswasdead
Hope (freestyle)
i hope you hate the environment i created
and it crushes you under the giant sun
i hope you rot
long into the hours
curled in snot
i forget a lot
the way love fades with the dying
i practice afterthought
of ways i want to hurt you
i’ll be gone before the shot
is ever heard by you
keep looking in your blind spot
i hope you lay awake at night haunted
like maggots feasting on regret
blood stains on the carpet
lying dead
a tub with golden faucet
but oh how the news can spread
and i’ll be there
wearing smiles on my threads
in a circle where no one stands
reciting dearly departed
near abandoned homes cleaner than my house
i hope you doubt
lose hair from all the worry
i pray out loud
toes dug in the earth
he ain’t got worth
head towards clouds
with moon glowing from curse
i hope it hurts
your bones, your soul and all of the works
like mountains forming sharp edges
ice forming from its ledges
but you are burning in the hearth
for all eternal ages
regret spinning back and forth
a quasar or iron fucking cages
i hope you burst
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
side note: the dog triggered me thus poem
julian date: 24005
Seven Inches
we’re seven inches from heaven
but crawling closer to meaningless
which way to go then
which door to open
but leave it on floor
all your hope when
you walk in
i wonder why we haven’t spoken
walk around the boat when
it’s clearly overflowing
but i won’t stick around
to watch you jumping
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Hell is eternity, we’ll start right here
i can’t remember the date
only the importance
but even that is a shadow of reality
i remember running here
like a vulture finding hope on a living rotting man
“what are you doing”, I laughed with a subtle yet firm disapproval of his organized nihilism
the devil has been so busy sweeping out the cobwebs
he forgot there’s an army of 144,000 coming after his head
maybe it’s night sweats or die-off symptoms
from a life I’ve lived before
– and it was nothing worth dying on the sword
your gift wasn’t returned with hastened shame
but set on a shelf like a golden statue
next to all the broken promises and lies I’ve given myself
I came but I did not conquer
maybe that was the goal after all
but didn’t your eyes lure me like candy
even in my nightmares, I can feel you there
oh holy hell
if he could see things without his rose-tinted cgi filters
he could see that I am everywhere
the fertile soil
the molten lava
endless possibilities
but he keeps betting on his numbers
his dying slumbers
and rest he’ll never have
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i don’t know how to make a good blog post. i don’t know how to get any additional pages to ‘appear’. and I’m sure I’m being punished for trying to figure shit out and openly talk about it but wordpress’s solution or “the happiness engineers” is to pay them $500 to build me a blog but I’ll need to upgrade to a business plan m’kay
i think not tho
Julian Date 24003: freestyle 02.
been talking to other bloggers who say…
they also have issues with “likes” not working on WordPress
so it’s not just in my head
and I tried to find the updated post about “how to post” on WP through JetPack and whatnot – but Google just isn’t the same
i just remember reading something about TAGS but maybe i’m wrong about what i read
i just know we all were using X amount and the post said X amount had been reduced to a lesser amount or else the algorithm will ignore you
kinda like that issue with that robot on mars that has too many tasks that it is overwhelmed and keeps re-prioritizing tasks that need to be done – but nothing ever gets done
they came up with a term for it
and that’s the state of me, my life, and my blog
and the fact that i leave “likes” multiple times on multiple days like a psychopath having a meltdown (this time it’s the AI and not me, swear) but you wouldn’t know? or maybe you do?
so now im leaving comments here and there going “it wont let me like anything”
“im here still” 🥹
and the ai knows i hate leaving my ip so now im being forced to give my age sex location just to breathe anywhere in society
i degress…
priority inversion problem
i swear i aint trying to cause any troubles
im just lost in hell having priority inversion malfunctions
“i know this needs done but we gotta do this first but can’t because we need to do this other thing instead”
*keeps chasing own tail*
“i keep doing but there ain’t anything done”
i think they changed the usage rules on hashtags on tiktok too – but *spins in circles*
*la la la la la la la do do do*
“hey you started that task yet”
“… yeah I’m on it…”
“hey you finished that task yet”
“…no man, apparently I’m missing components to complete task, please advise…”
isn’t it too late for pathfinder, just like me?
im pretty certain it spent up all its energy on pointless tasks, just like all them weekly conference calls at the DoD
tiktok achievement
so my hashtag on tiktok just hit over 24k!!! 👀
i should trademark myself 🤪
y’all still after the content
and i’m still writing on the wall
it was at 23k when i was tagging my latest post
but i don’t tag EVERY post on tiktok
mostly just the writing stuff
i may have forgot to tag an important thread or two
i just don’t tag everything i do
(im terrible at following rules)
but for reference i noticed that there had been A LOT of clicks for my hashtag on my account
i just thought that was cool
cuz im just some witchy gal from the deep south of Mississippi who co-exists with spiders
until i kick one out and feel bad and another comes along and i try again
i even post the gross stuff on the tiktok…
(i know my views are low but thanks for searching for me) (or whatever it means)
(i heart you)
Beyond (freestyle)
what’s beyond the ice wall?
linear perspective?
pools lined with lead?
the cost of my own rescue?
how many go in debt too?
like walking backwards off a cliff
trash and bodies at the bottom of a pit
i’m not crawling through tight spaces
i’m not pulling cards with aces
like living beneath the earth
poor people eating with polished silver
mausoleum’s topped with lead coffins
the garden of forgotten
there’s hope on the other side
a promise of genocide
like an ambush predator
i’m creating her
optical perspective
i respect it
like a highway of death
wear motto on chest
oh mother flat earth
what have you unearthed
the edge of the ocean
some say is frozen
just like our energy
a comet disappearing
headed for the sun
got a loaded gun
a horizontal plane
living in the fast lane
believing every claim
a wedding reception
oh the deception
you know they all cheat
their energy is weak
no it’s not a disk
or a worthy risk
to feel the edge of your kiss
got a different death wish
he knows I love him but can’t get close
the devil knows the most
like looking in the mirror
the demons getting clearer
he’d sacrifice a lamb to get ahead
he is full of lead
like pursuing a dead end
or calling devil friend
your heart is full of crevasses
i fall into the dark
like meeting someplace heaven is
a journey to embark
or peeling back the layer of an onion –
i guess we are done then?
you know i can’t cut the cord?
i’m handing you the sword…
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
psst it’s eight now – for tags – or the algo will ignore you
GROSS
he called me GROSS for keeping house spiders
(i blocked him for god knows how long!?!)
go ahead and penalize me
been getting a lot of “we don’t talk like that”, “that’s offensive” and I’m here to remind you that I’m Gen X and don’t give a fuck
you will not silence or condition me
The more you try to silence me the more I want to get one of those things you talk into so people can hear you in a crowd
go on and push the last fuck outta me
I already got in trouble and penalized on TikTok for leaving a comment about how BLM continues to influence all our youth n adults to do drugs
facts are facts
One bad apple spoiled the whole goddamn bunch
go ahead and penalize me for breaking community guidelines
I do not conform to the social credit system and I will never spend another dime on social media again
I DO NOT CONFORM TO ANY SOCIETAL CULTS OR BOW DOWN TO ANY DEMONS LGBT BLM LLM ASM
“I HATE EVERYONE” m’kay
stop pushing your agenda on me or else
finally. an honest obituary.
i can just see myself doing this tho.
why am i laughing tho
“they grieve who she could of been”
god i feel this
even about my own life that was stolen from me
this gave me tiny bits of hope
ive always been the bright rainbow of the family (and i dont mean lgbt)
i stopped fighting with the ai
no more caps, no more grammar, no more fucks to give
leave the apostrophe at the door
things are smooth sailing stalling
triangulation among the living, dying, dead
some people are being boiled until their skin falls of the bone, and the company uses the broth for their garden, i shit you not
*laughing again*
why cant i have the broth for my own garden tho?
give me my mom’s juice
daddy’s too
revenge is an honest obituary
“im glad shes dead”
maybe poe really was a dick
he definitely was a pedophile who liked fucking his own blood
He wrote some *then* unpublished shit to her which is tattooed into my bone
I kept telling my tattoo artist I hated her and I wish she was dead but she wouldn’t let me go
until the side tat was done
“im sorry i wished you were dead / heres your tip”
there’s probably a reason I don’t have too many friends 💀
im that meme
about the drunk girl giving some guy head to avoid getting raped or worse
my safe place immediately destroyed “can i just jerk you off”
i was probably 18 or 19
maybe 20 or 21
ive been getting sa since i was born tho
i can do a tell-all for the upcoming obituaries
i never thought id share my story or find closure
ill put it on a fucking tomb
“here lies the one i hate”
THIS IS GIVING MY LIFE
i was thinking about reaching out to the sperm donor one more time
I think I was 10 last time I saw and ghosted my daddy
oh daddy where art tho
it’s weird to be so segregated from my own bloodline that I don’t even have his phone number or address
but also I haven’t moved into this new version of me yet and I don’t know what the old version would do
im in the messy middle
can we start a new society!?! 👀
triangulation amongst jobs
triangulation amongst classes
everywhere you turn
narcissism harasses
Kill Switch
i know you’re there
i can feel your shadow watching
i’m always awake
my finger is a kill switch
my divine purpose
maybe i’m not a soldier yet
until i get my finger wet
wrapped around your dying neck
i don’t give a heck
Memento mori
Placed on shelf
A little worry
For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident?
A personal present?
For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical
But still you reach out like fading galaxies
Or maybe you just want to collide into me
Yet always demanding the direction I take
While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
p.s. photo is current of me and he may have seen a sample but it’s not like it got me any salads or proposals so neener neener
Cottage
I wanna build a cottage
Have a little place for garbage
Under apple tree hypnotic
Drinking cough syrup with narcotics
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Too long
You take too long
To come down
Still skipping through the city
Leaving footprints of regret
Dirty notes in cracks
Of rundown buildings
Sometimes I receive a request to follow
While mountains are crumbling
And I’ll allow you to swallow
All of my sins
It’s like all of life is condemned
To the swollen sun
To servitude
I’m not convinced
Of any of it
Lost in the desert
But drowning in tears
Rage is a tower built
It’s a fucking circus
Everyone is jumping from stilts
You look vaguely familiar
Perhaps a vulture circling
Where is your spear?
I don’t trust anybody here
Especially faces in the mirror
Biological terrors
I will stare them down!!!!
All my fucking errors!!!!
“See me now”
Cursed and plucking feathers!!!!!
If they only knew
I think you carry my darkness with you like a souvenir
Glowing
You use it like a spotlight shining on our broken dreams
A torchlight for sorrow
I hid for you a skeleton key
And only you are capable of unlocking my doors
But some are sealed with concrete and regret
Maybe I’ve become entombed
Trapped in my own despair
My compass points to your peaks and valleys
I ache in places you resurrect the dead
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
EAT. PRAY. CRY.
COLD
The coldest place in the solar system is your heart
You’re directionless
Like your art
I’ve collected enough evidence
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Isn’t it crazy, fighting over likes and comments to wind up in a timeline where likes and comments disappear anyway
“I was here” I think 🤔
Hash it out *trigger warnings*
Big pharma didn’t want to give me access to something I wanted and needed
Dying ain’t enough to get morphine or oxygen
You gotta be near dead dead for that
Like when it doesn’t really matter
But Matthew Perry was issued ketamine to be treated for anxiety and depression
So I was laying here on the floor thinking I really needed something for pain and didn’t want to turn to alcohol or moonshine or something
But I was getting there 👀
Opted to try some new items from the medicinal shop instead
Hash + edibles
If you don’t hear from me for awhile, Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
I had enough points stored up apparently that it covered the hash so I saw that as a sign from the uni that it is okay to ease my pain and anxiety
Free hash 🎁
I’m on the call wait list for the restock of the balms.
I rub it on my hands and feet after my hot magnesium baths and my goddddddd
I told them I didn’t know if it was a placebo but it was working
I’m trying not to vape
That’s an entire nother devil’s head addiction I should stay away from
The sungrown, the eddies, the hash is working
(But please I need the cough syrup with morphine like the hospital gave me)
(So I’m not gonna tell you to shove it up your ass)
Can you make some thc cough syrup
Actually they do make tinctures so I may try those next
So glad I’m getting a reign on my vape addiction tho
But now I got access to hash
Spoilt
Tell him every time I go to buy vegan dairy, it’s SPOILT
I guess the asshole packing my $100 order (not including delivery and tips) decided to get the cold items first, leave them out for hours, until delivery?
And I paid MORE for dairy free
I paid MORE for delivery
But I guess the fat asshole is quietly quitting
But he was wanting that tip
Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a storm DYING and now I ain’t got no snacks to eat
These demons get paid either way right
I’m just a stupid skinny white bitch
He’s one cookie away from a heart attack and I hope it finds him quicker now
Merry Christmas 🎄
Update
Doc said my bloodwork looked good
Said my liver looked good
Said my skin is looking healthy
Said it wasn’t in my blood anymore
Meanwhile, I’m going “I threw up twice”, “I had to stop taking the other pill”, “I couldn’t breathe”, “need morphine”
The morphine request was denied 🙄
But only cuz she doesn’t prescribe narcotics
I’d have to go see my primary care manager – who literally misdiagnosed and mistreats me – and the only reason I’m as bad as I am now, is I couldn’t get the treatment I needed when I went to them, “I’ve been exposed”
Them: “your labs are fine”
I started my period and though I’m 45 and in agonizing pain, bleeding on everything, I’m actually grateful I’m still ovulating.
But getting any pain medication from the VA is like asking a ghost to follow me
I’ve lost my mind so the latter is a bit easier to do
I wish I could enter the VA and state that I’m 45 still bleeding from my legs – but they’d probably complain “we don’t talk like that” – “that’s considered rude”
Because we’re suppose to enter medical establishments smiling and tap dancing and bowing for them like they’re Gods
They love to gaslight
And medical malpractice is common
Go to the library and pick up a book
One that isn’t glorifying hookers and prostitutes
Cuz those can be found on the hot shelf in the front where little children can read
You’re gonna burn hell
For all eternity
P.S. I don’t know any vet alive dying that isn’t begging for some goTdamn morphine
Stop hoarding all the junk
GIVEMAH
Haz pain 😑
P.S.S. I requested it in the form of cough syrup since the hospital gave me some and it soothed my coughing and anxiety several hours thus helping the heart
But dying and being in pain isn’t a good enough cause for some cough syrup with morphine
So how do I get me some of the “good cough syrup”!?! Asking for a friend…..
I worked hard to put on weight and now I’ve done did
Pockets
He didn’t make or withdraw any deposits,
And he was living off of promise.
He was found hanging from a bridge –
With bricks in his pockets!
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Damn.
These words like halls of truth
Why won’t you follow
To the cold mines
Become trapped
Bleeding bloodlines
Holycrap
(RIP JJ)
Can’t wait to get to the range and see how the ticker does with a 9mm
A half would be nice but give me a full
A full arsenal of firearms, ammunition, explosives, knives, pepper spray & so on
And I’m like babes, get rid of the batteries. And don’t make the house explode.
Does the Devil know tho, I’m coming for his head? It don’t require guns.
They don’t know how long an eternity is.
Cox and his Clocks ⏰ – I mean cocks
It’s like Inception, we’re all living lives inside of lives inside of lives
I don’t relate to 40% of the population
In any manner
At all
(Maybe more like 95%)
40 because statistically they’ve never known struggle
I was like WHY DID THEY STEAL MY RETIREMENT and instead of leaping from the bridge here (that a judge said I looked like I wanted to jump from), I researched my apathy
You know it occurred to me that I’m 1000% a warrior
They changed the uniforms so many times, I couldn’t recognize myself anyway
Bring back the old Army greens
They gentrified
🙄
Does the Devil know?
Jim Caviezel said you have to bite off the snakes head
He said they were after him
The guy that got bricks in his pockets tho? London I think 🤔
Didn’t pay a $250k loan
(We now have an undercover cop living here cuz it’s so safe)
An update and ramble
When you’re trying to TikTok shop but the plagues notice that the audience is the same size as the host and then follow you 👀
The Host: “I’m not sure what you’re implying but if you don’t stop, I will have to mute or block you….”
Him: “she is the same size as you”
Him: randomly tags me without a message
Him: “I like your fit”
Anyhoo. I guess the romper/shrug was a hit.
I gained 1 more follower (that isn’t why I shopped for a romper tho, it’s a separate goal)
I’m waiting on the bodysuits & accessories to arrive.
Yesterday it was hot in Florida and today I need a coat.
Yesterday I would have passed out in anything but slides, shorts, and a tank.
Today I need Arctic gear 🥶
If the doctor told me, I was menopausal, I would punch him, call him a liar, and tell him to pay my electric bill.
Fortunately for me, even in my age, those words never sound.
And my body isn’t behaving in such a way, EARTH is
Stop deflecting ✋🛑✋
Oh this has happened lots over the last month or two, so thanks
This was last night…
And my hashtag over on TikTok has reached 23K
If I could stop dying long enough and figure out, how do use social media, I might could put out some better content
Not even better just effort
Like here, here’s a poem I wrote 5 years ago
How hard is it to do a soft reading and hit record?
Is it worth 200 views?
I’m totally satisfied at 1000 views. I feel it’s worth effort.
But with nearly 5k followers, it’s hard to make sense.
I’d probably be happy with 500-700 views consistently
I’d hate it even worse at zero
But yeah, I did buy some yoga sets and things to keep warm for the winter
The price was good 👍
I’m getting good feedback
There was only ONE BOY who got mad at me spending my own money on things I actually need
🤡
I gotta take my dog out again before he makes me start WW4
It can’t be that hard taking care of a hellhound but once again I found myself sobbing in front of a mirror like God was behind the other end begging “please I can’t do this… take him to heaven with you”
And then the other version of me saying “get ahold of yourself”
And I took bath number two cuz he ruined the first one and has driven me to full insanity
The heart needs the hot magnesium salt baths…
If the ego can’t get a fucking grip, we backtrack and start again
Insanity!
It’s like when you feel yourself starting to fall slowly but you can’t stop the grip
And next thing you know the wind has been knocked out of you
And the only words that surface as you lay there contemplating existence is “goT damm it” or “fuck”
These demons trying to ban curse words 🤡
Thank you so much for all the awesome feedback on my little jumper set! I think I paid six or 7 bucks for the jumper, about the same for the sweater (which I can mix n match)
He asked, “why do you wanna buy something you won’t wear”
And like…
Blazer + yoga set is definitely my style
Sorry not sorry 🤔
But the Lord answered my prayers
I can wear my blazers and loungewear together
THIS IS LIFE 🤩
(Don’t tell him about the makeup and hair products I’ve ordered)
(I’m literally dying but it’s a transformation)
I’m transforming
At least I know what sex I am 👀
I’m also shopping for guns as there’s a no license to carry law in Florida now
Trigger happy 🤩
Because I’m a Soldier
And we at war…
NEED GUNS
Shhhhhhhh
Cute but fierce?
My bag will contain more than makeup or maybe it will be a decoy 🤔
Anyhoo
My sister died
And now I’m making Chinese TikTok hosts into my sister
Sometimes I tune in just to hear them say “Ill try it on for you” but I’m one of their best customers and they help me sleep
I find shopping with them soothing
Retail therapy 🤩
But c’mon, I love this phase I’m moving into
I didn’t know I could wear my blazers with my yoga sets
But I can 🤩
Cuz he’s probably right a tiny bit
And I’ve talked to God
And prayed about what to do
And I knew I could part was some of the clothing and donate it or thrift it, but I was having a hard time wanting to part with any of my Blazers, even though I wasn’t sure where I could wear them
Turns out I can wear them anywhere anytime
Who knew 🙄
Makeover in session….
Pending approval
Squander
You know what I wasted my time on?
YOU.
I only do anything for myself God.
I’m allowed to clothe myself in honor.
And fabrics of choosing.
My journey is not your journey.
My relationship with God is none yours.
I’m an angel, you’re a demon. Piss off
Too smart for your own good.
Idiot.
Devil thinks he’s winning at his own game
I’m walking away
I mean like for good
You’ll come to regret what you’ve done
But I’ll forget you just like I forgot your fucking birthday
And I’ll cast you to hell to burn for all eternity 😬
I had to get closer to bite the snakes head off and now I’m tainted
I’m setting a boundary though so I don’t open up to you about my personal life anymore so you can play shit brigade on my happies
We both know I’m a diamond in the rough and you just don’t want anybody else to get their hands on me
There’s two versions of me, the version I was and the version I want to become and somewhere in the middle there’s clothing I bought that just isn’t working out, and I am allowed to fucking dress myself
If I were seeking only validation or a shit ton of validation or validation, in general, I probably would post daily fucking videos on my goTdamn TikTok
Or weekly
Or monthly
But I’m selfish and don’t want anyone seeing the treasure in the closet
Recently, I wanted to buy an Apple Watch and I was like a GPS would be nice especially because I’m hurt and I could be watched 24 seven and I love being spied on 24 seven and then if I did get hurt I could just push a button and someone could come out or whatever but then I was more concerned that BLM would want to kidnap me because I was wearing an Apple Watch 👀
So I guess I ain’t getting a watch
But don’t tell him about all the weapons that I’m buying
That’s where the real treasure is
This is the Devil’s society where every fucking choice is a sin
I literally planned for a makeover and now he’s mad at me about it and I’m not even over with my makeover 🙄
I don’t even own a LBD (little black dress) 😲
Anyhoo
I talk to God a lot about my habits
He never makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world if I fail at something
He allows me to learn
In a positive environment
I’ve been trying to grow plants and just because I’m failing doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up on growing a garden in the future..
Or continuing to learn how to manage my finances
But for the record, I follow the 50/30/20 rule as that’s what all the library books taught me when I was trying to learn about all of this and buying clothes is part of the 30 🤓
Like where am I wrong?
My bills are paid. I’m working off 2 debts. I refuse to take out any loans or credit cards.
I’m jumping ship when God signals to me “this land here” and I can become a landowner and thus figure out how to take care of the wildlife
I need to build bird a house
And give turtle 🐢 a cool area
The ark is the land
I need to fertilize the earth or something 😫
I need things to grow 😫
I’m sick of all the war death sickness and fighting
I’m dying!!!!!!!
I only get this one chance to feel things
I’m pretty much dead inside, but the clothing and heating pad was starting to give me some life
And God too 🥺
I’m part of the 244
And what’s wrong with taking care of yourself
I know you’d rather me be a crack whore without any teeth
Yea I mean I’m following the 50/30/20 rule until I’m content with the clothing
Because I don’t have too much of an addictive personality. I will course correct fairly quickly when I realize I’m going down that route.
I really think you would’ve liked what I was gonna mail you but you’re a fucking dick
Merry Christmas
Some secrets should be taken to the grave
The story just got grosser
But whose gonna tell her that “things aren’t well down there” and it’s not from hitting a vape from the ground? 😭
This is what men like/want 😭
Women wearing sweatpants with no panties shitting themselves in the streets? 😭
She gave this info out freely? 😭
I pissed myself in the Golden corral parking lot once because I ate too much and was laughing too hard
Does that count for confession? 😭
I told my daughter to never tell anyone 😭
The panic in my voice “I’m pissing myself / it won’t stop coming out” and then my daughter nearly pissing herself from laughing too hard
I thought I would take that one to the grave with me
But since people are shitting themselves in public – and I don’t know where the rest of this story goes – I’m too disgusted with these demons in my feed
I wanted to be more like a girl 😭
Nevermind 😭
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8PfURpr/
Horrors
Do you know the horrors of being lost?
Whole world is spinning
Pending holocaust
The devil grinning
Like he knows the cost…
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Once again some 3 am I nearly “liked” instead of “saved” and I shouldn’t be walking on eggshells dying just trying to get a fix of you
You literally change the composition of my heart
And then I tell myself my brain doesn’t know any different, it thinks it’s happening
And there’s a healingness that results
And it’s not just from you
There are other things like a cup of coffee
I went 3 days without – cuz coffee isn’t good with this thing – but I had some today and it connects me to my purpose
Fucking beans
Dressed
I found you again
And for once
I’m behind your lines
Like hostile enemy
Taking throne on your dime
I found you again
When I was lost
In your cold mines
Night vision on
Dressed to the nines
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
RIP John Jones
So the CDC say 30% of people die from what I’ve been exposed to.
And I dunno if the medicines are working.
So that’s why things are quiet.
I may be on my 18th hour.
I probably should’ve spent 10 K on a coffin instead of a wardrobe, but that’ll be another poem.
I need to hear your voice.
Upload a poem please? But I gotta go find my note with info on how to access that part of WP.
Lost and found.
That’s where you’ll find me us?
I’m exhausted 😑
This is a fight to the end, and one of us is going to lose.
Going in for bloodwork again in December with a follow up with the doc and she gets to re-assess
I brought up the stats tho and asked was I gonna die from this and she said no.
I said, I don’t want to die from this.
And she started me on a second medication.
But the CDC say everything they are throwing at it isn’t working and same
John’s been upside down in that hole about 9 hours now.
People are dying in terrible ways
These monsters like the sounds of babies crying
I’m either dying or metamorphosing
Why not level up and join me?
Romeo?
I need out if the city – it’s so hard to get on the right frequency
Lost in hell
Do you have my wings still?
God
You must stand in the center if you want to build a universe
This is where God hurts
Building wonder out of outbursts
This is where God thirsts
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Oh thanks for that. I’d be so grateful if I knew how to edit/fix my blog. Without having to spend $500 minimum to start over with a new blog.
But I’m glad you’re still here.
Sometimes I feel I lost my touch, that I won’t get back what I had before.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose.
And how Bruce Willis (an actor if you don’t know) “recognized his entire family today” because we can’t take our memories with us when we die.
And I’m fighting so hard to hang on to a life that in two year, perhaps, I won’t remember the war I fought in.
I won’t remember we’re in a 6th mass extinction – and white people are being systematically exterminated.
I’m in the center of society watching its own extinction.
I woke up crying bleeding between my legs and poetry piling on the tongue.
And this little poem was born.
They say focus on what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).
Writing makes me happy. Or content.
Even if the context is more volcanic.
I quit therapy. Maybe I’ll discuss in another thread.
Maybe I should pay the happiness engineers $500 to have AI build me a website but didn’t we once buy software for $50 to do that? Furthermore, they want a business plan to run it???
Cuz simply upgrading to “no ads” and “use my own domain” so my readers can visit worryfree isn’t enough, on the personal plan I can’t hire WordPress to use AI to create me a website nor am I allowed to “chat support”. That’s a different paid plan. 👎👎
They can’t even fix my current issue and I sent screenshots.
They absolutely could fix it, with the flip of a switch.
Like breathing to them.
THEY’RE GONNA BURN IN HELL.
Went through everything I owned. Took inventory. Still have stuff sprawled out. Need organizers and hangers. And some other minor things.
But now I get to fixate on something else now.
The closet is full. As planned.
And the pantry, fridge, and freezer.
I’m quarantining for a long while – no family get together for me this season. I have offered to mail out cards tho.
My purpose currently is not to die.
Before it was save the world.
I’m exhausted to be honest….
Sinister
You’d want to fuck the dead
Fill the sun with dread
Make them feel humility
You have the ability
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Kite
Happy as a kite
The words you write
Like succulent cake
What a pair we’d make
Fell down the rabbit hole again
That’s where you’ve been
Like tumbling down the tower
Need you any hour
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Lights
He lights my whole future
He threads my wounds with suture
Life starts and ends with his blues
If only I was his muse
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Postscript: I broke down and renewed my medical card. Instant approval. Ordered my goods online, they called immediately letting me know my script was expired. I have an appointment in the morning with the good doc and she said, “okay, will go ahead and fill it”
Haven’t smoked since May and come tomorrow I’m gonna be on the moon.
They had cartridges for $18. *sigh*
I thought it would takes weeks or more before I could smoke again.
Nope. Less than 24 hours. 🎃
Maybe I’ll start writing again and going to the beach.
I need to disassociate.
All this death and dying.
All my lingerie sitting in a drawer.
Boo season is here 🎃
*casts spell on bad neighbor*
Gypsy & Ghost
Where did she go?
Wandering in a sea of abyss?
From the words off his lips?
Like a gypsy moving with the wind?
What hath sailed?
Lies foretold we reminisce?
Love is rare like an eclipse?
Reasons we can’t comprehend?
Maybe you’re lying dormant
Winter’s a time to cool
Maybe I’m not important
When others give you fuel
I wish I could remember my own worth
I’m like your shadow always following
Be the one you’re living for on earth
Instead a ghost always wallowing
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU SEE / LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE ❤️
I miss making photography. I hope I’m in a space to do so again this lifetime.
Apparently Kat Von D denounced her witchery and burned all her witchcraft books and got baptized yet still performs with stripper polls on stage.
I like the baptism and burning of the books.
I’d rather see her follow Christ and listen to the Cure than be all Satanic.
Can we talk about how the Bible has been re-written to be Satanic tho?
Now I need to wash out my tongue for mentioning the Unholy One.
🎃
Green
I want to make amends
I wasn’t myself back then
I’m not myself again
I wanted to be seen
Your grass is always green
Watered and serene
I want us to be friends
Pay back all dividends
I want a different lens
I want it all like queen
Not asking much it seems
But you’re like Halloween
Where darkness descends
And all my words offends
Sins multiplied by tens
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
More places I linger: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
P.S.
I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.
I hate how I treated you.
Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.
I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.
They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.
People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.
It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.
Helps.
You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.
Under
The fact that he drops in
Like moonlight in the cracks
He likes her writing
It gets under my skin
I guess I’m a ghost then
I guess we’re parallax
And I’m still searching
For where my life begins
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Find me here: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
PoeEternal 