Do you ever regret building my wall?
Do you ever feel anything at all?
Are you even aware of what you lost?
Can you feel the weight of its cost?
Are you proud of the pain you caused?
The red flags raised and lines you crossed?
The bridges burned, the lies you craft
Did you all, have a good laugh?
I gave you love, you fed me wrath
I still dwell in the aftermath
© Delia Ross. 2019
Fingertips on black ink
Hands and mind never in sync
Fingertips keep chasing blood
Again it might as well be mud
Fingertips as cold as ice
The pits of hell from where she writes
Fingertips don’t play that nice
She leaves a trail for where she cites
Fingertips could warm my face
Instead they spray my eyes with mace
Fingertips that own the place
But he was gone without a trace
Fingertips that write the lies
And only one who really tries
Fingertips could save the day
Instead they chose to walk away
Fingertips in black ink
Wishing you were here with me
Fingertips under her sheet
Wondering why it’s never me
If fingertips could only speak
What sort of words would they leak
This absence that you’ve given me
Leaves me feeling incomplete
© Delia Ross. 2019
The future without me you seem to be hunting
Or maybe inside you would rather be hurting
Maybe it’s just a hand and you’re bluffing
For numbers and games seem to cost you nothing
Everything you write keeps your “other friend” blurting
Everything you do her opinion is asserting
(And if I do the same you’ll hit the delete button)
My ghost that you seek will shortly be coming
© Delia Ross. 2019
Do you know what it’s like to cut the cord on your dream?
Though it isn’t just a dream from sleep
But one from awakening
It is a lifeline to your fate
The weight of consequence
Feels like an ocean
As you’re sinking
There are moments you want to swim back up
Fleeting moments of reason
Caught in a net of fishing line
More struggle
No you have to sink deep
Feel the pressure in your chest
The anxiety, the agony, the sorrow
You want to take a deep breath
It would be your very last
Panic. Now regret. Doubt.
Peace will come again.
As soon as my pocket knife cuts this cord
And I race to ascend
The light my friend
A reasonable decision
Air in my lungs again
Pain lessening
You were dead weight.
An anchor in my soul.
I swim towards finality.
I’ve made it to the lighthouse.
You are a memory I drowned away.
And I nearly drowned with it.
You would have been the last thought on my mind.
As you were always on my mind.
Unrequited love.
A pain I hope to never know again.
As I crawl off the shores of a dream that died.
I am never looking back.
© Delia Ross. 2019
She laid down her head on top of his tomb
It’ll quickly be over, it’ll be over soon
She’d been planning for days, it’ll happen by noon
Finally time for a nap, resting below is her groom
© Delia Ross. 2019
Down by the water
I saw her fall
Dawn by the river
She knew it all
She wore mourning
like a night dress
She was the absolute best
Her blue eyes could put you to the test
She always wore mourning best
Dawn by the ocean
She works best in motion
Her and I caused so much commotion
Down she falls
Dawn she calls
We fall like dolls
When Dawn she calls
Down by the water
She works harder
Dawn was smarter
She was my armor
I lost Dawn by the water
I was left alone to falter
I still call on her
Down by the water
© Delia Ross. 2019
For Meika Dawn Capps who died by suicide in 1993. She was the end of me.
#BFF
I think I’ve lost my appetite
Please administrator my last rites
Say a prayer or improvise
Say it quick before I die
My breath has ceased, my chest is tight
Love feels like a parasite
My friend she broke to suicide
Now in no one I can confide
But in him I see the light
It feels alot like paradise
If I don’t cool down I might ignite!
It’s possible I might die tonight
Please administrator my last rites
I surrender, there’s no will to fight
© Delia Ross. 2019
“My darling husband, I can’t look at your face,
I made a promise but it went to waste.
The lovely day when we became one,
and the lovely night when we planned our son.
But now I’ve never felt so low before,
I don’t want to look in your eyes anymore.
I saw your pain when you heard the news,
we asked God for another but he must have refused.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
The one that I knew could carry my soul,
the one who could shield me from the cold.
You lent me all that you had inside,
I tried to give him to you, you know that I tried.
I saw you crying as I came to,
Losing myself was all I could do.
I never looked right at you again,
I regret it now, since you needed a friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
And I was wallowing and rolling in the pool of blood,
The Rivers that originated from me would flood.
All I tasted and felt was the death,
of my baby boy who would never have breath.
I cried for you, baby; I cried for you in fright,
Years went by in that one horrid night.
Would we ever be the same? Would we ever smile?
Would I ever get over it? Am I too fragile?
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
Things are a little more clear now;
there is a sense of peace in the solution I found.
Strange I choose to bathe in blood;
again, it might as well be mud.
And soon I’ll rest in the dirt with the worms,
and never again feel this heart that burns.
I may be letting you down again,
but it’s only one more time, you were my very best friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.”
© Delia Ross. 2010
Stay tuned for: My Son Part 3: Half of Her Life
PoeEternal 