2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)
no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)
but you know if looks could kill
looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too
i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)
but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him
would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side
nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket
welp
help. still in hell. *sadface*
i’m not in / this isn’t happening
SAME
p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”
like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)
i tried to put it in a poem
it isn’t going very well
don’t hang up it’s me i’m dying find a tree and hang freely
anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)
oh… did light bulb go off?
can you give me some light?
i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do
im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!
and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?
is this what dying on the cross is like?
you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?
does he hold me hostage in his mind? is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream? he has touched me in places i have never seen majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs he turns my low to highs
the devil lives three doors down i got his number unholy ghost in town and i still can’t slumber
is that you shining light in my path
just a crush? you spin the earth like heaven i can feel the rush but time ain’t changing near you my cheeks turn rosy got a royal flush?
you must be the warmest place in the solar system you must be a taste of the life i am missing i walk around a zombie hissing but in my dreams we’re kissing
“shots fired, shots fired” – has no idea from where – panics – targets the car in front of him 😬
but im called “paranoid and crazy” cuz i dont want to leave my house cuz anytime i do there is high risk for me to get trafficked, kidnapped, swamped, hid in a wall, or something worse 👀
and the traffic is insane
25 minutes just to back up from the parking lot at Publix and the overweight white millennial parked next to me nearly blew his lid
there are worse ways to die than John Jones – but so far – for me – his tops
only 10% of people hear voices in their head – and i hear whole symphonies of people who have died – singing – the most beautiful sounds
ive been collecting acorns around here
that squirrel or the lawnmower hasnt destroyed
it used to be a swamp out here but it was nearly all wiped out
i tell the trees and animals i worry for them
the remaining bits of trees that remain
but its private property and just cuz 70% of my income goes to living here – it dont mean i get a say about how things go
the blowing dirt and leaves around the parking lot for HOURS
DUMB
over pruning the trees
DUMB
i get triggered when i hear the chainsaw now 😭
“mature trees and landscaping” the website advertises
but they cut down a baby tree growing – and i planted more seed in the same spot – now another baby is growing
and they cut the arms off of the trees growing towards the sunlight
she was a sycamore
had survived two hurricanes
but not the chainsaw
i cried
i researched pruning – with pictures –
not to mention all the fish they killed dumping chems into the water
i called the EPA eventually and Allan laughed at me
i think i ended that call “i know you want love with a prostitute”
Allan was terrified for his life 🥶
i got a private call from
a cop “so youre not on your way to orlando right now”
*laughs*
“not at this precise moment, no….”
*laughs*
I bet Allan still thinks about me 🤩
*laughs*
cut down another tree – fire more shots at people cuz acorns are violent as hell
he didn’t fall out of a 5th story window tho did he –
he “fell ill”
(stories from Russia)
she drowned in the back of a cop car – with handcuffs behind her back
(stories from Tennessee)
he musta done something so God awful he never wanted to be found. so they reported him missing and pulled his body from the ocean – but remains unnamed
(stories from Virginia)
the most inspiring couple of 2024 🤩
and here’s me not giving a fuck about anything and everything all at once
“i’m not suppose to wear this at my age”
*subject to go private again without any warning – don’t come in*
his words fall on me, so heavily, i cracked my bones on the pavement and now there’s worry and little pieces of flesh lying dimensional to his regret
if i put up a sign “all is well” he will leave graffiti in places my heart should be
i sometimes awaken and wonder if my dreams were tucked away in his journal hidden, locked behind a key of code, with my image used as his anti-phishing security measure, as even i seem locked out of my own reality, at times
i am lost and he is the great gatekeeper of my maps and journeys
sometimes my voice bounces off his walls and forms new hells
i watch people gather in his mirrors conducting praise, they don’t see his ghostly shadow stalking
i wonder if they can see the moon? harvesting the cold fury solitude?
perhaps we all have sins to account for
the way i tiptoe over life, looking back at the god awful mistakes i have made
packing up accountability, until it collapses in on itself, forming a blackhole
and there in the center, you will find us.
that’s the only goTdamn place we can meet in the whole galaxy.
it’s no wonder i’ve grown accustomed to jumping into the deepest, darkest holes
i thought (at first) he was braking (they finally pulled him out of the ocean)
but he drove through an iron gate to nosedive off the pier
he wasn’t braking
and i don’t know what bothers me more
the fact that he wasn’t hesitant or he was!?!?
i really have a hard time visiting (or sharing) any news sites cuz they are all plagued by ads eating your data, can’t scroll, can’t read, like picking flies off in Iraq when trying to eat
they will fucking swarm you
i watched him drive off that pier so much
never once was there a “sensitive content warning”
“participating in this activity could get you hurt”
i watched him drive off that pier doing only what i dare to dream to do….
he wasn’t hesititating
i would like to write a poem but words fail me
as i struggle with my own depression, my own identity, a place to belong in this world
but don’t hand your cards over to Satan
this might be his world
cuz i asked (while awake) for some clarity if this was “heaven or hell”
im like “yeah the sun feels nice – in limits – and we’re all eating one another to stay alive”
and i know we are suppose to work together
and i know we are born into a manmade prison cuz of his lustful nature
but I had a dream
and in that dream – i came to a realization, and stated to others i cannot recall or remember, in a frantic realization, “we’re in hell”
and it woke me up
but it’s just the tip of the iceberg potentially
and i don’t wanna be down in hell an eternity
i don’t like them odds
and those who worship the dark one make it so easy in society every step we turn to commit sin
i don’t want to live a life of sin and i do not comply with the social credit system
i DO sometimes think of driving off the pier
but man
you ever dove off a diving board and landed on your back?
was he knocked out when the car hit the water?
did he watch himself drown?
he wasn’t swearving
on a wet bridge
he didn’t seem intoxicated to me (maybe parasites)
i thought he was braking
but it was an optical illusion
just the car taking dips
i don’t think he wanted to be found
i don’t think he knew (or wanted) his ending broadcast on TikTok and social media
he didn’t want out, he didn’t want to be found
the only thing he regretted was his life
he didn’t regret having complete control over his ending (did he?)
were there regrets down there in those final moments?
but i signed the atf form, i passed my background check
but I don’t have a carry permit so shall not be infringed upon until the 23rd and then I can go pick her up she’s already paid for and she’s mine and the serial number has already been confirmed
I’ve already bought her ammo and a lock case; I have personal ammo and I have ammo for the range 🙂
yee-haw
and wasn’t i a kid in a candy store
One of the workers offered me a job and some of the bystanders were very interested in what I bought and everyone told me that it was an excellent choice and it’s a great starter gun 🙂
and it’s made in the usa
he said it fit my hand nicely
i got a picture of her 🙂
this ain’t no bb gun BB
new starter gun 🙂
couldn’t decide between a 38 special, a 9mm, or this 40
she comes with two 14 round magazines in the box 🙂
gotta get to the range soon – got ammo for that
and these hollow points that “spread out”
happies
scored this lock box for ten bucks and he made sure the size would fit by holding my gun to the box
pick her up soon 🙂
in Florida you no longer need a carry permit but if you wanna walk out with your weapons the same way you buy them you do
a little asmr gun unboxing at the store 🙂
i can’t promote anything gun related or i will get penalized and my account with an “armed and dangerous” flag 🙄
and possibly banned
because everything is Made in China but my fucking gun
I have been eyeing the revolvers though
and tho i have a soft spot for shotguns i dunno if i can handle kickback currently
I need to get my carry permit and I want to get to the range so I can get familiar with my weapon and be a responsible gun owner 🙂
guns be selling out fast and im jumping on that train
the boys were asking specific questions about what i bought
at one point i stated i knew how to drive but not familiar with all the models lol
I don’t recall firing a 40 or a 38 special in the army but a 9mm and an M-16 A2 rifle and live grenades and grenade launcher and all sorts of other shit I can’t remember yes 🤪
I was very efficiently trained to take my weapons apart in the dark including the firing pin and put them back together within a certain timeframe and wearing my gas mask
today I went and bought a gun and got a job offer
had several people tell me it was a good choice!!
i was like “i know i could buy a 9mil at this price but i wanted something a little smaller”
“i wanted a 38 but this kept catching my eye”
“there was three, and then two, and now there is one”
*laughter*
i just leveled up my game
and i need to refresh the skill sets i already have programmed in me
does it not come with a safety switch – lol
oh no
IS THERE REALLY NO SAFETY
babe why did you let me shop for a week for guns only to select one at 4:20 am without a safety switch
BABE
it’s his fault that he’s not here taking care of me and I selected something that I’m not familiar with or that I’ve ever been trained with
HIS FAULT
GOOD CHOICE THEY SAID
“don’t shoot yourself in the foot” was never once heard
hit the like button if you want to see how my range adventures go and I can’t post about this shit anywhere else on social media
I struggled getting the grenade launcher loaded in basic training
but once I did my drill sergeant was so impressed and he said I was the only one that hit the target which were tanks far far out but I used up nearly all my time to get it loaded
and you’re not allowed to throw the live grenade like a baseball and so it didn’t go very far and we had to jump in the hole the first time lmao
“I thought you played baseball” my drill sergeant shouted
we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace
photo stolen from the web – from someone who stole it from the web – from someone who stole it from the web… so i dunno who took it – but dead folks things for sale !
with small intervals of “the sun is out, you made it through the night, do you wanna try and walk”
and after 48 hours of his explosive diarrhea which kept him quarantined to his bathroom – with many walks outside – I called the vet
I told them which location I wanted to go but they wanted to send me on a 6 Hour Rd. trip when my dog had diarrhea
“id like port orange please today if possy”
her: ‘we have one available in iron city”
me: “where is iron city, how far”
her: ‘do you want the address for Port Orange’
i’m fairly certain I’m living and suspended in a different dimension than most people
i got struck by lightning in my jeep all windows down arm out 80 miles an hour circa 2018
i’ve never seen so many arms of bands of lightning and the sound was so loud it was like something fell from heaven
i screamed “fuck” as my life literally did flash before my eyes
I could still see the lightning on the road as I was driving away
it was even more odd i veered into the middle lane the precise time it decided to touch down
millions of arms
my arm was still burning when I got home and I started googling if electricity was radiation and freaking out because I didn’t have any iodine in my house and still don’t
things have not been the same since
oh… the dog saw the vet yesterday and had his anal glands expressed
i was blaming myself for everything that went wrong as he was i thought “dying”
he is so old his body is starting to shut down
he wants to be here, no matter how painful this gets
he may have to get his glands expressed again
I wonder when mommy will ever have a good day again
but then sometimes I realize I should probably be grateful that I even have this to tend to
i told him im not far behind
and i hope he greets me in heaven
since he will become heaven’s mascot when he arrives
he earned his wings down here
I kinda have been praying for this day to come and now that it’s arriving I don’t want it to come – I have guilty feelings for wanting my life back – to move on without him
ive made some moral mistakes
they are so hard to recover from
but also i’m starting to experience some tenderness in my kidney area and the medication just isn’t working fully
thought and prayers
p.s. she said there wasn’t anything I did and that I would probably need to bring him in again to get his anal glands expressed as it’s common for old dogs
i’m fucking exhausted after the week I’ve had and I know it’s 6 AM but I’m gonna smoke a fucking joint – it’s prescribed
i hope you hate the environment i created and it crushes you under the giant sun i hope you rot long into the hours curled in snot
i forget a lot the way love fades with the dying i practice afterthought of ways i want to hurt you i’ll be gone before the shot is ever heard by you keep looking in your blind spot i hope you lay awake at night haunted like maggots feasting on regret blood stains on the carpet
lying dead a tub with golden faucet but oh how the news can spread
and i’ll be there wearing smiles on my threads
in a circle where no one stands reciting dearly departed near abandoned homes cleaner than my house
i hope you doubt lose hair from all the worry
i pray out loud toes dug in the earth he ain’t got worth head towards clouds
with moon glowing from curse i hope it hurts your bones, your soul and all of the works
like mountains forming sharp edges ice forming from its ledges but you are burning in the hearth
for all eternal ages regret spinning back and forth a quasar or iron fucking cages
we’re seven inches from heaven but crawling closer to meaningless which way to go then which door to open but leave it on floor all your hope when you walk in i wonder why we haven’t spoken walk around the boat when it’s clearly overflowing but i won’t stick around to watch you jumping
i don’t know how to make a good blog post. i don’t know how to get any additional pages to ‘appear’. and I’m sure I’m being punished for trying to figure shit out and openly talk about it but wordpress’s solution or “the happiness engineers” is to pay them $500 to build me a blog but I’ll need to upgrade to a business plan m’kay
they also have issues with “likes” not working on WordPress
so it’s not just in my head
and I tried to find the updated post about “how to post” on WP through JetPack and whatnot – but Google just isn’t the same
i just remember reading something about TAGS but maybe i’m wrong about what i read
i just know we all were using X amount and the post said X amount had been reduced to a lesser amount or else the algorithm will ignore you
kinda like that issue with that robot on mars that has too many tasks that it is overwhelmed and keeps re-prioritizing tasks that need to be done – but nothing ever gets done
they came up with a term for it
and that’s the state of me, my life, and my blog
and the fact that i leave “likes” multiple times on multiple days like a psychopath having a meltdown (this time it’s the AI and not me, swear) but you wouldn’t know? or maybe you do?
so now im leaving comments here and there going “it wont let me like anything”
“im here still” 🥹
and the ai knows i hate leaving my ip so now im being forced to give my age sex location just to breathe anywhere in society
i degress…
priority inversion problem
i swear i aint trying to cause any troubles
im just lost in hell having priority inversion malfunctions
“i know this needs done but we gotta do this first but can’t because we need to do this other thing instead”
*keeps chasing own tail*
“i keep doing but there ain’t anything done”
i think they changed the usage rules on hashtags on tiktok too – but *spins in circles*
i know you’re there i can feel your shadow watching i’m always awake my finger is a kill switch my divine purpose maybe i’m not a soldier yet until i get my finger wet wrapped around your dying neck i don’t give a heck
Memento mori Placed on shelf A little worry For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident? A personal present? For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical But still you reach out like fading galaxies Or maybe you just want to collide into me Yet always demanding the direction I take While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
Tell him every time I go to buy vegan dairy, it’s SPOILT
I guess the asshole packing my $100 order (not including delivery and tips) decided to get the cold items first, leave them out for hours, until delivery?
And I paid MORE for dairy free
I paid MORE for delivery
But I guess the fat asshole is quietly quitting
But he was wanting that tip
Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a storm DYING and now I ain’t got no snacks to eat
These demons get paid either way right
I’m just a stupid skinny white bitch
He’s one cookie away from a heart attack and I hope it finds him quicker now
Why won’t you follow To the cold mines Become trapped Bleeding bloodlines Holycrap
(RIP JJ)
Can’t wait to get to the range and see how the ticker does with a 9mm
A half would be nice but give me a full
A full arsenal of firearms, ammunition, explosives, knives, pepper spray & so on
And I’m like babes, get rid of the batteries. And don’t make the house explode.
Does the Devil know tho, I’m coming for his head? It don’t require guns.
They don’t know how long an eternity is.
Cox and his Clocks ⏰ – I mean cocks
It’s like Inception, we’re all living lives inside of lives inside of lives
I don’t relate to 40% of the population
In any manner
At all
(Maybe more like 95%)
40 because statistically they’ve never known struggle
I was like WHY DID THEY STEAL MY RETIREMENT and instead of leaping from the bridge here (that a judge said I looked like I wanted to jump from), I researched my apathy
You know it occurred to me that I’m 1000% a warrior
They changed the uniforms so many times, I couldn’t recognize myself anyway
Bring back the old Army greens
They gentrified
🙄
Does the Devil know?
Jim Caviezel said you have to bite off the snakes head
He said they were after him
The guy that got bricks in his pockets tho? London I think 🤔
Didn’t pay a $250k loan
(We now have an undercover cop living here cuz it’s so safe)
When you’re trying to TikTok shop but the plagues notice that the audience is the same size as the host and then follow you 👀
The Host: “I’m not sure what you’re implying but if you don’t stop, I will have to mute or block you….”
Him: “she is the same size as you”
Him: randomly tags me without a message
Him: “I like your fit”
Anyhoo. I guess the romper/shrug was a hit.
I gained 1 more follower (that isn’t why I shopped for a romper tho, it’s a separate goal)
I’m waiting on the bodysuits & accessories to arrive.
Yesterday it was hot in Florida and today I need a coat.
Yesterday I would have passed out in anything but slides, shorts, and a tank.
Today I need Arctic gear 🥶
If the doctor told me, I was menopausal, I would punch him, call him a liar, and tell him to pay my electric bill.
Fortunately for me, even in my age, those words never sound.
And my body isn’t behaving in such a way, EARTH is
Stop deflecting ✋🛑✋
Oh this has happened lots over the last month or two, so thanks
This was last night…
And my hashtag over on TikTok has reached 23K
If I could stop dying long enough and figure out, how do use social media, I might could put out some better content
Not even better just effort
Like here, here’s a poem I wrote 5 years ago
How hard is it to do a soft reading and hit record?
Is it worth 200 views?
I’m totally satisfied at 1000 views. I feel it’s worth effort.
But with nearly 5k followers, it’s hard to make sense.
I’d probably be happy with 500-700 views consistently
I’d hate it even worse at zero
But yeah, I did buy some yoga sets and things to keep warm for the winter
The price was good 👍
I’m getting good feedback
There was only ONE BOY who got mad at me spending my own money on things I actually need
🤡
I gotta take my dog out again before he makes me start WW4
It can’t be that hard taking care of a hellhound but once again I found myself sobbing in front of a mirror like God was behind the other end begging “please I can’t do this… take him to heaven with you”
And then the other version of me saying “get ahold of yourself”
And I took bath number two cuz he ruined the first one and has driven me to full insanity
The heart needs the hot magnesium salt baths…
If the ego can’t get a fucking grip, we backtrack and start again
Insanity!
It’s like when you feel yourself starting to fall slowly but you can’t stop the grip
And next thing you know the wind has been knocked out of you
And the only words that surface as you lay there contemplating existence is “goT damm it” or “fuck”
These demons trying to ban curse words 🤡
Thank you so much for all the awesome feedback on my little jumper set! I think I paid six or 7 bucks for the jumper, about the same for the sweater (which I can mix n match)
He asked, “why do you wanna buy something you won’t wear”
And like…
Blazer + yoga set is definitely my style
Sorry not sorry 🤔
But the Lord answered my prayers
I can wear my blazers and loungewear together
THIS IS LIFE 🤩
(Don’t tell him about the makeup and hair products I’ve ordered)
(I’m literally dying but it’s a transformation)
I’m transforming
At least I know what sex I am 👀
I’m also shopping for guns as there’s a no license to carry law in Florida now
Trigger happy 🤩
Because I’m a Soldier
And we at war…
NEED GUNS
Shhhhhhhh
Cute but fierce?
My bag will contain more than makeup or maybe it will be a decoy 🤔
Anyhoo
My sister died
And now I’m making Chinese TikTok hosts into my sister
Sometimes I tune in just to hear them say “Ill try it on for you” but I’m one of their best customers and they help me sleep
I find shopping with them soothing
Retail therapy 🤩
But c’mon, I love this phase I’m moving into
I didn’t know I could wear my blazers with my yoga sets
But I can 🤩
Cuz he’s probably right a tiny bit
And I’ve talked to God
And prayed about what to do
And I knew I could part was some of the clothing and donate it or thrift it, but I was having a hard time wanting to part with any of my Blazers, even though I wasn’t sure where I could wear them
But I’ll forget you just like I forgot your fucking birthday
And I’ll cast you to hell to burn for all eternity 😬
I had to get closer to bite the snakes head off and now I’m tainted
I’m setting a boundary though so I don’t open up to you about my personal life anymore so you can play shit brigade on my happies
We both know I’m a diamond in the rough and you just don’t want anybody else to get their hands on me
There’s two versions of me, the version I was and the version I want to become and somewhere in the middle there’s clothing I bought that just isn’t working out, and I am allowed to fucking dress myself
If I were seeking only validation or a shit ton of validation or validation, in general, I probably would post daily fucking videos on my goTdamn TikTok
Or weekly
Or monthly
But I’m selfish and don’t want anyone seeing the treasure in the closet
Recently, I wanted to buy an Apple Watch and I was like a GPS would be nice especially because I’m hurt and I could be watched 24 seven and I love being spied on 24 seven and then if I did get hurt I could just push a button and someone could come out or whatever but then I was more concerned that BLM would want to kidnap me because I was wearing an Apple Watch 👀
So I guess I ain’t getting a watch
But don’t tell him about all the weapons that I’m buying
That’s where the real treasure is
This is the Devil’s society where every fucking choice is a sin
I literally planned for a makeover and now he’s mad at me about it and I’m not even over with my makeover 🙄
I don’t even own a LBD (little black dress) 😲
Anyhoo
I talk to God a lot about my habits
He never makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world if I fail at something
He allows me to learn
In a positive environment
I’ve been trying to grow plants and just because I’m failing doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up on growing a garden in the future..
Or continuing to learn how to manage my finances
But for the record, I follow the 50/30/20 rule as that’s what all the library books taught me when I was trying to learn about all of this and buying clothes is part of the 30 🤓
Like where am I wrong?
My bills are paid. I’m working off 2 debts. I refuse to take out any loans or credit cards.
I’m jumping ship when God signals to me “this land here” and I can become a landowner and thus figure out how to take care of the wildlife
I need to build bird a house
And give turtle 🐢 a cool area
The ark is the land
I need to fertilize the earth or something 😫
I need things to grow 😫
I’m sick of all the war death sickness and fighting
I’m dying!!!!!!!
I only get this one chance to feel things
I’m pretty much dead inside, but the clothing and heating pad was starting to give me some life
And God too 🥺
I’m part of the 244
And what’s wrong with taking care of yourself
I know you’d rather me be a crack whore without any teeth
Yea I mean I’m following the 50/30/20 rule until I’m content with the clothing
Because I don’t have too much of an addictive personality. I will course correct fairly quickly when I realize I’m going down that route.
I really think you would’ve liked what I was gonna mail you but you’re a fucking dick
But whose gonna tell her that “things aren’t well down there” and it’s not from hitting a vape from the ground? 😭
This is what men like/want 😭
Women wearing sweatpants with no panties shitting themselves in the streets? 😭
She gave this info out freely? 😭
I pissed myself in the Golden corral parking lot once because I ate too much and was laughing too hard
Does that count for confession? 😭
I told my daughter to never tell anyone 😭
The panic in my voice “I’m pissing myself / it won’t stop coming out” and then my daughter nearly pissing herself from laughing too hard
I thought I would take that one to the grave with me
But since people are shitting themselves in public – and I don’t know where the rest of this story goes – I’m too disgusted with these demons in my feed
Oh thanks for that. I’d be so grateful if I knew how to edit/fix my blog. Without having to spend $500 minimum to start over with a new blog.
But I’m glad you’re still here.
Sometimes I feel I lost my touch, that I won’t get back what I had before.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose.
And how Bruce Willis (an actor if you don’t know) “recognized his entire family today” because we can’t take our memories with us when we die.
And I’m fighting so hard to hang on to a life that in two year, perhaps, I won’t remember the war I fought in.
I won’t remember we’re in a 6th mass extinction – and white people are being systematically exterminated.
I’m in the center of society watching its own extinction.
I woke up crying bleeding between my legs and poetry piling on the tongue.
And this little poem was born.
They say focus on what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).
Writing makes me happy. Or content.
Even if the context is more volcanic.
I quit therapy. Maybe I’ll discuss in another thread.
Maybe I should pay the happiness engineers $500 to have AI build me a website but didn’t we once buy software for $50 to do that? Furthermore, they want a business plan to run it???
Cuz simply upgrading to “no ads” and “use my own domain” so my readers can visit worryfree isn’t enough, on the personal plan I can’t hire WordPress to use AI to create me a website nor am I allowed to “chat support”. That’s a different paid plan. 👎👎
They can’t even fix my current issue and I sent screenshots.
They absolutely could fix it, with the flip of a switch.
Like breathing to them.
THEY’RE GONNA BURN IN HELL.
Went through everything I owned. Took inventory. Still have stuff sprawled out. Need organizers and hangers. And some other minor things.
But now I get to fixate on something else now.
The closet is full. As planned.
And the pantry, fridge, and freezer.
I’m quarantining for a long while – no family get together for me this season. I have offered to mail out cards tho.
Postscript: I broke down and renewed my medical card. Instant approval. Ordered my goods online, they called immediately letting me know my script was expired. I have an appointment in the morning with the good doc and she said, “okay, will go ahead and fill it”
Haven’t smoked since May and come tomorrow I’m gonna be on the moon.
They had cartridges for $18. *sigh*
I thought it would takes weeks or more before I could smoke again.
Nope. Less than 24 hours. 🎃
Maybe I’ll start writing again and going to the beach.
I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.
I hate how I treated you.
Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.
I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.
They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.
People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.
It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.
Helps.
You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.
Would you write my obituary? And lay to rest all the sins I carry? For to sadness I am married And our love it should be buried
They come They go It’s my fault though Status too low Weep like willow
You’re always on the run Never stop running You’re never having fun Complain the sun is sunning
I’ve never had anything, and now I’ve got too much. And I could lose it anytime, that’s always been my luck.
I’m sorry but I’m not I said what I thought Feelings come and go Sometimes I take a shot No matter lesson told I say it on the spot You know I can be cold
People already think so lowly of me, I can’t get anymore low.
But it’s easy to judge when your grass is always green.
I’ve been on this earth unmarried for eons, it’s literally hell.
I like being naughty sometimes but I never was that naughty.
We’re literally born nude and we can’t take our clothing to heaven.
I miss doing spicy photography.
I don’t know what to tell you
I just wish I was already moved.
But I’m holding out for land instead of spending uppers of $6k to jump apartment’s.
I am overdue a new environment.
It’s hard to be inspired and motivated in a place I can’t stand.
I’ve only ever posted nude photos, never compromised myself by doing anything other than photography. Though many requests came in with $$$ offerings and I ran folks off.
I have some very cute outfits and have been working out despite growing old.
95% of my household items are gone. Either sold, donated or dumped.
Things are in boxes minus my closet.
I still sleep on the floor.
So think what you will of me, but I miss my tribe.
My accounts were active and I had a lot of traffic.
Now everything is stagnant.
I’m tired of stagnation.
I don’t see anything wrong with nude art.
It teaches me how to be a woman, something man has failed at doing.
But they gave me my username back, and that makes me feel better. 😘
I’m terrible with secrets.
I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I don’t want to be here.
I’m barely holding on in breath or words The spaces where we fell I’m never sure Apologies are song in flight that carry with the birds And longing comes on full moon where the clouds they will obscure
Like all of the dirt was swept under the rug And tongue twisted lies were a shadow of smug For the pressure of meaning was soft like a quilt But the weight of the wrong was as heavy as guilt
And we speak in code like our lives are a riddle But the circle of destiny is not in the middle And try as we might the cross has been hung But only regret can measure our tongue
PoeEternal 