freestyle – PoeEternal

Posted on April 18, 2024 by poeeternal

a years worth (p∞)

you are a years worth of rain
falling on my back
like the empathy you lack

i turned in my notice to vacate today.

them: “this isn’t the reason you are leaving”

me: “i think i know why i am leaving”

them: “not because of this, you bought a house”

(i said i was approved for a home loan and starting the search process)

(i had hoped to finish my sentence here and buy)

(this was a couple months ago)

(today however)

me: “no i’m leaving because of the mold and crime”

them cutting me off: “even though we are working on it”

me: “don’t stop the work order tomorrow, just because i am turning in my notice”

them: “this has nothing to do with that”

me: i’m leaving cuz the cop told me to move and my doctor told me to leave the environment”

“i signed a new lease”

them: looks suspicious (even tho the forwarding address is on the form)

(and i did not bring up the 5% i am losing on top of having to vacate because of the mold)

and i still can’t run the air. so fixed what? i’m done submitting service requests about mold that they think is “dirt”

i need air that isn’t toxic to breathe

the doc and cop said “move”.

but the slumlord wanna argue the reason on my form i am vacating this dump

image

or maybe karma for accusing you

only i know you were writing poems for another

but also for me

so we’re both right technically

i ain’t wrong

you ain’t wrong

not really kinda

but like, i know why i am vacating this rundown shittown for an updated unit in another timezone far from here

and it ain’t buying… yet

wish we could “rent to own” but without the bullshit

anyhoo, slumlord always up my ass

and im losing a lot of money relocating

and the irs rejected my return

it wasnt even my fault

it was the AI

and for the first time ever it was rejected

and now im waiting in purgatory

for another rejection?

cuz why is it taking so long?

and fuck hnr block for “no discounts this late”

well no use of your company ever again

fucking die

55 days until my big break from this black hole

i thought i was at a 59 day notice (“60 day”)

but june 12th is closer than that

so glad i got a head start on packing

my remaining table chairs and stools are donated – she takes them soon –

i have to rent a mini thingy cuz i bought too many clothes

and while i am willing to part with some

im renting what i need

to take my toys and plushy

cuz im insane

welp. speaking of the devil

i fixed the mistake the AI made and rolled with it

look what just arrived as i was typing about said thing

phew. lord almighty.

thank you jesus

i just got my lost rent money back

breaking even with this new hand

will feel better when im at the new location

in nearly 54 days

new city, new town

new air to breathe

updates

a tiny space to manage

no more 2 bedroom 2 full bath

getting a balcony tho (but it is a porch, im ground)

i chose ground

i chose building c

cuz it came with washer/dryer hookups

i also signed the paperwork for my dad today

cuz he decided to die and leave me a forturne

well maybe not a fortune

but remember the double rainbow when he died?

well his estate has been in the courts

but a decision was made during the eclipse

and the waiver sent and signed

and now i have *insert pot of gold here* coming to me

it was split between me and my sis

but he had 4 daughters technically

2 blood and 2 adopted

i was the adopted

there’s drama

cuz dad left stuff to two and only two

and split it equally between her and i

and i plan to buy some land

but does the irs tax that?

i think they do but my daughter says “that is fucked up”

but u gotta report it

and it will put me in a diff bracket

potentially

does it take people dying to come back to life?

everything fell apart at once

and now everything is coming together?

need to get to plan B first

pensacola

Posted on April 17, 2024 by poeeternal

long hate the king (p∞)

has anybody told King Charles he’s died?

do you think that i should lie?

kick him back to hell where he resides?

do you think that i should cry?

i’m taking a vow of silence, except i’m not

i mean or

i’m taking a vow of silence, accept i’m not

(get it?) (or gonna say i misspelled cuz can’t read between the lines)

like i never misspelled words as a kid – except that one time in 2nd grade when i spelled “shit” instead of “shirt” and the teacher took me to the back of the room and washed my mouth out with soap

so my cry for help was in vain…

but what if i said ‘in vein’ cuz i’m suicidal fuck youuuu

it takes a big boy for critical comprehension skills

i like when people comment or complain that i am skinny, ugly, and dumb.

thank you

i work hard at these things.

p.s. heard it from a stranger who heard it from a stranger who heard it from Russian propaganda that king charles has died

Posted on April 7, 2024 by poeeternal

ghosting the ghosted

did i coin it?

going in some lines soon?

it just keeps happening boo

could you look into what it means?

ghosting the ghosted – coming soon

boys spend money on hookers and blow

“keep your eye on the toys Annie, you know about toys”

so im out here buying guns and toys

and that cute crop top under $19

and i no longer watch tv – might as well wear clothing of band tees i care not about

like i lost my identity with music or stuff

you should be impressed im a total fucking mess

wrapped up in agony

wear heart on sleeve

but thesleeve is cute no?

should i start watching sailor moon cartoons?

or am i allowed to just enjoy the art?

and the cuddles with the like the pusheen plushy?

the movie is a map

it imprinted on me

and i am Annie crying on a busy street

“keep your eye on the toys” – so that’s what im gonna do

i take my advice from old Hollywood films now

and music from the 90s is still a calling card

a good way to reach me

i rarely turn on the radio but now when i do sometimes my sister is sending me messages

or it could be guilt eating me alive cuz she died?

and my mother had made it very clear and apparent that she is mad i did not go visit her in the hospital

– even tho i was dying from the vaccine

i was having major problems with my heart even tho they waited until i was having minor problems with my heart to puta wire on but even then they found problems with my heart – and any minor problem is major when you are only in your 40s and now dying and your sister is too?

but i got a boomer mom

and a half sister still alive who was triple vaccinated and boosted but still got covid but “is fine” (she is Gen Y) (i cant wake my family up and some of them have died)

so im working with infectious disease now

(mold will fucking destroy your life)

(it’s not dust)

(cleanitsoitdoesntturnevil)

(my shit has defo been hacked)

anyhoo – at least japan la sell officially licensed products

got some stationary to never write in and give away in 20 years cuz i horde?

but i like bootlegs too

and thats my box of prob unofficially licensed shit coming

sue me

Posted on April 3, 2024April 3, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

misread (p∞)

we’re moving over uncharted territory
the same ole story
they will say is new
with a map or two
said sky was green
know a different thing
they’re bringing out candy and guns
feels like a witch hunt
but i misread a room
smiling when there’s gloom
not good at pretense
focus on lament

Posted on March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 by poeeternal

uncharted (wrong turn) (p♾️)

why did you put me here
stuck in the earth
my legs hurt

exploring the dark with lanterns
sin as wide as caverns
but not all these patterns

thanks for coming, but I really, really want out
my map, it must have the wrong route?
my brother heard me shout

it’s getting hot
i must be in the worst spot
i thirst a lot

i had a little hope
tied to a pulley on a rope
send prayers to the pope

i’m going to die right here
with walls like cashmere
choking on the atmosphere

a plaque marks the place i died
the rescuers lied
they left me inside

author note: i wrote it. but it’s not really my words. i mean they are, but not really.

i didn’t plagiarize but they do contain last words

he just kind of leaped into my soul

and i’m still coming to terms with how we’re dying

because it’s the same but not really

i think i’m having die off symptoms again and a 4th awakening

cuz im hot and sweating (pits/feet) but my body is cold and shivering

so prob hot bath soon to help the heart out

started that new “extra strong” medication

only 2 doses in with a third today

everything aches at once at times

sometimes it is localized

it attaches to your cell walls

i have a relationship with a dead boy and now more dead boys are coming to me

it’s like im dipping my toes in the afterlife and i dont wanna be there yet despite this terrible disease called ~~society~~ depression

nobody even wanted to attend EAP’s (Poe) funeral and now they are selling locks of his hair “for luck”

the city nor the country is safe

apparently only rich people are allowed water (like a migrant prince in Arizona)

long video: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLrVhfux/

“i thought i bought a forever home”

(i can’t stand gen Y voice – they all sound the same – had to watch on mute like all videos)

(there are only a few voices i like to hear)

(i don’t know what’s wrong with me)

(i know it’s me)

“i was dumber than six rocks”

tell her to get that smug look off her face and get back to her porn and go back to sleep puleaseee

i can tell she denounced God

did you see that gang carrying Riley in a bag over their heads?

they were driving near him or walking

and then carrying something over them

it took more than one person to carry whatever they were carrying

tall boy = Riley

hurt shoulder – embankment

crying – helpless / died

red face – blood on someone’s hands?

starting to piece together the puzzle of my dream of Riley (before he was found)

i can have all the pieces and still put it together incorrectly

i’m sorry i flipped on you and your friends?

i’m crazy?

i need meds?

there was mold possessing me?

i need an exorcism?

i date dead people?

(please don’t tell the therapist)

i’m aware i’m a monster?

ifAWOLcouldbeabandonedCHURCH

m’kay

heart somewhere in utah?

you felt me fall?

left a mark where i clawed?

unless that one guy i met at 27 was him but he denounced me and god and chose porn and children instead

Posted on March 23, 2024 by poeeternal

dead canary (poetry) (eternally) (p∞)

it’s the dead canary
we are lost in war
seeking sanctuary
looking for one door
behind a mercenary
bones laid for decor
soul too low to carry
no hope no more
the whole world he’ll bury

grave and shovel / the earth is fertile (bonus poem)

Posted on March 23, 2024March 23, 2024 by poeeternal

homes for sale (poem)

apology accepted
access denied
a little white lie?

comes as is
with rotting wood and corpses
a hidden corset?

underneath the dirty rugs
are many worms and secrets
cuz swamp has a grievance?

zip codes from hell
closed closets and backdoors with rifles
the air it stifles?

paying for my sins still i guess

but i ain’t paying for theirs

Boomers are a monopoly (who hold most of House)

so since im near homeless i can take over a vaca home on the cliffs and after 30 days it’s mine?

cuz like that was one of the top rated agencies to buy a home through

im just trying to figure out how it went all wrong

i spent weeks looking over everything

he took me to see THAT?

fucking waste my time

enjoy your jaguar SUV and sweet dreams

im sure you rest easy at night

fucking demon

Posted on February 28, 2024 by poeeternal

“do you know why you are here”

“do you know why you are here…?”

i don’t know what brought me here

there was a period of awareness in womb – and already a desire to end life before it even started

there are dents in my rib where i rubbed –
clawing to escape the sound of my own heart

or maybe i didn’t want to be born into a monstrous world,
with the cold Antarctic as my mother
my father was a destiny of lies

my mother prayed for my death
said i wasn’t born in love
said i had the darkness in me

all while holding my sister close

the pandemic swept her from her arms and now all blame lies on me

i told her i wanted her to die in pain
i told her i wanted her to suffer more than all the suffering she had caused me

some prayers get answered and others don’t

lessons to be learned

even i am lost in purgatory
without direction

but the wind is no longer gnawing at me

only regret

i plan to bury it
deep within the crusty earth
and plant with it a seed

one day the crust will rise
an angel can spread her wings
no longer laying dormancy

i have done things i regret
to stay afloat the Tennessee river

oh the bridges i’ve been pushed from, jumped, or burned…

what brought me here

maybe the long agony hours awake
the will it takes

that even when you are in the trenches dying, you need to change your socks

it bothers me that John did not have his shoes removed

i would have been clawing the earth off of me

i would have made it cave in

on Susie….

sorry not sorry

i came here to judge!?!

i was stripped of my wings and used as a fleshlight

they want me to believe i haven’t any worth – all while trying to traffic me

the pretty ones are the biggest threat

the ones with the light

the neighbors gang up on me to harass me then scream “we fear the white one”

i am going extinct

if you aren’t serving them with sex or buying their bullshite, then phrases like “she gon be shot” are sung out

i sleep in the lions den where two girls where shot

for being good girls

had to ask the front office what it would take to get the crosses removed from the windows where the tape once was

their cheeks turned rosy; “we’ll take care of that for you”

and i am sure the undercover cop and department is looking for another promotion soon

another major drug bust went down and the gangs need to get revenge

call me paranoid but the cop told me i needed to move

not just from “here” but the entire city

and now there are things i can’t tell my therapist

now there’s really no one to trust

now it is “i need a priest, maybe this isn’t your lane”

maybe the demons in my head
maybe the feelings of unworthiness
maybe no direction

but i need to cast Satan out

you got a pill for that?

cuz maybe i’m a monster

but i still need a priest

some holy water poured on me

sos: help i’m in hell

anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)

oh… did light bulb go off?

can you give me some light?

i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do

im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!

and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?

is this what dying on the cross is like?

you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?

is that how this works?

asking for a friend

Posted on February 22, 2024February 22, 2024 by poeeternal

crush

does he hold me hostage in his mind?
is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream?
he has touched me in places i have never seen
majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs
he turns my low to highs

the devil lives three doors down
i got his number
unholy ghost in town
and i still can’t slumber

is that you
shining light in my path

just a crush?
you spin the earth
like heaven
i can feel the rush
but time ain’t changing near you
my cheeks turn rosy
got a royal flush?

you must be the warmest place in the solar system
you must be a taste of the life i am missing
i walk around a zombie hissing
but in my dreams we’re kissing

got a reason to live, even if delusional and not in sync with reality

but i’ve been dying – and you likely won’t find that in my file folder – but i have also been praying, that i could just “see” my soulmate “one time”

and i only got a minute before everything went blurry – but time stood still

i think i might have loved him instantly

i think i may love him now

everything is so fucked up

it was like my life was flashing before my eyes – and now my dreams are everything i’ve lost

and have you seen me? no many would ever find value in me.

still. i have never had any man look at me or touch me or move me the way he does – both in dream or reality.

the man could have been frightened but im dreaming of making babies with him

i have zero worth im aware

but we can’t help who we love, right?

he gives me the most beautiful dreams

God said alright you got a minute

i really hope he’s happy

whatever life he has chose to live

do we collide in each others dreams? cuz they feel real

plot twist: patient falls in love with doctor

oh well

Posted on February 22, 2024 by poeeternal

oh by the way…

oh by the way
i wanted to say
fuck you
for thinking there are clouds
above you

positioned in the sky
to charm you

like everything belongs to you
like everyone’s below
your feet too

i do beseech you
take a seat
or look in the rearview

the nihilism you do
a comet
come to split the air in two

oh by the way
fuck you
for the endless dreams
that I do

Posted on February 5, 2024 by poeeternal · 11 Comments

heavy (freestyle)

his words fall on me, so heavily, i cracked my bones on the pavement
and now there’s worry and little pieces of flesh lying dimensional to his regret

if i put up a sign “all is well” he will leave graffiti in places my heart should be

i sometimes awaken and wonder if my dreams were tucked away in his journal hidden, locked behind a key of code, with my image used as his anti-phishing security measure, as even i seem locked out of my own reality, at times

i am lost and he is the great gatekeeper of my maps and journeys

sometimes my voice bounces off his walls and forms new hells

i watch people gather in his mirrors conducting praise, they don’t see his ghostly shadow stalking

i wonder if they can see the moon? harvesting the cold fury solitude?

perhaps we all have sins to account for

the way i tiptoe over life, looking back at the god awful mistakes i have made

packing up accountability, until it collapses in on itself, forming a blackhole

and there in the center, you will find us.

that’s the only goTdamn place we can meet in the whole galaxy.

it’s no wonder i’ve grown accustomed to jumping into the deepest, darkest holes

i can remember his face there

if i claw, his flesh will bleed

there i can feel something

it’s almost like i’m alive

Posted on January 16, 2024January 16, 2024 by poeeternal

portals

i sometimes think of george

the way clouds appear large and exciting

bringing redemption in the air

i sometimes see george like jesus

or maybe he put him there

he took my breath away and replaced it with new lungs

i can’t explain how time paused

the way him and I would stare

how unfair; people come into our lives only to move mountains and disappear

sometimes god feels everywhere

which makes moral decay a plant growing in the moonlight

i can feel ego slip into non-existence

but not despair

it’s a falsity to say he won’t hold your hand in hell

i’ve barred my door shut and clawed the walls with no entry marks

“none who may enter is trusted including self”

mirrors hold energy like portals to regrets

i told him “i don’t want to die” while pulling out my hair

“all i see are demons”

“i don’t want to be put away”

i looked at him like a stray

faith is looking into his eyes and seeing a great creator

i was just a whore

before him

starving without bread

humility is feeling too dirty for a cleansing

putting signs up “god not allowed”

yelling from its tunnels

“haven’t I made you proud”

can’t undo the dying

blood covered shroud

tongue swollen

couldn’t figure it out

abandon hope fully

death like a pulley

with no air to shout

“no hope coming” – letters on a doorway mat

might as well put up a plaque

people say “she went missing”

god as her witness

george is the gentle rain

i was hungry and i was starving

and he took time to wash my feet

i swear i saw rainbows beneath him

he was the pot of gold

not to be taken

he was the dream you want to remember when awakened

i sometimes think of george on dark moonless nights

i sometimes think of george

we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace

photo stolen from the web – from someone who stole it from the web – from someone who stole it from the web… so i dunno who took it – but dead folks things for sale !

my blog is still advert free

psst… i ❤️ ipsy

some men move mountains to change your life and you’ll never see them again

Posted on January 12, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

thing (easy rhyme)

i wanna get rid of it all

watch the pendulum swing

how you soften my fall

the way you grasp that thing

i’m still dealing with a sick dog so even if I did have a working computer I probably wouldn’t be able to sit down at it

they’re gonna burn in hell for forced obsolescence

i don’t even wanna pay a monthly fee to store photos or access email

i’m sick of supporting the enemy

also me: loves shopping 🥹

also me: “too many things”

Life is a balancing act and I was born clumsy and kicked out of the tree

Posted on January 5, 2024January 5, 2024 by poeeternal

Hope (freestyle)

i hope you hate the environment i created
and it crushes you under the giant sun
i hope you rot
long into the hours
curled in snot

i forget a lot
the way love fades with the dying
i practice afterthought
of ways i want to hurt you
i’ll be gone before the shot
is ever heard by you
keep looking in your blind spot
i hope you lay awake at night haunted
like maggots feasting on regret
blood stains on the carpet

lying dead
a tub with golden faucet
but oh how the news can spread

and i’ll be there
wearing smiles on my threads

in a circle where no one stands
reciting dearly departed
near abandoned homes cleaner than my house

i hope you doubt
lose hair from all the worry

i pray out loud
toes dug in the earth
he ain’t got worth
head towards clouds

with moon glowing from curse
i hope it hurts
your bones, your soul and all of the works

like mountains forming sharp edges
ice forming from its ledges
but you are burning in the hearth

for all eternal ages
regret spinning back and forth
a quasar or iron fucking cages

i hope you burst

side note: the dog triggered me thus poem

julian date: 24005

Posted on January 3, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Seven Inches

we’re seven inches from heaven
but crawling closer to meaningless
which way to go then
which door to open
but leave it on floor
all your hope when
you walk in
i wonder why we haven’t spoken
walk around the boat when
it’s clearly overflowing
but i won’t stick around
to watch you jumping

some people will survive the wave that is coming 👀

Posted on January 3, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Hell is eternity, we’ll start right here

i can’t remember the date
only the importance
but even that is a shadow of reality

i remember running here
like a vulture finding hope on a living rotting man

“what are you doing”, I laughed with a subtle yet firm disapproval of his organized nihilism

the devil has been so busy sweeping out the cobwebs

he forgot there’s an army of 144,000 coming after his head

maybe it’s night sweats or die-off symptoms

from a life I’ve lived before

– and it was nothing worth dying on the sword

your gift wasn’t returned with hastened shame
but set on a shelf like a golden statue

next to all the broken promises and lies I’ve given myself

I came but I did not conquer
maybe that was the goal after all

but didn’t your eyes lure me like candy

even in my nightmares, I can feel you there

oh holy hell

if he could see things without his rose-tinted cgi filters

he could see that I am everywhere

the fertile soil

the molten lava

endless possibilities

but he keeps betting on his numbers

his dying slumbers

and rest he’ll never have

i don’t know how to make a good blog post. i don’t know how to get any additional pages to ‘appear’. and I’m sure I’m being punished for trying to figure shit out and openly talk about it but wordpress’s solution or “the happiness engineers” is to pay them $500 to build me a blog but I’ll need to upgrade to a business plan m’kay

i think not tho

Julian Date 24003: freestyle 02.

Posted on January 1, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Beyond (freestyle)

what’s beyond the ice wall?
linear perspective?
pools lined with lead?
the cost of my own rescue?
how many go in debt too?

like walking backwards off a cliff
trash and bodies at the bottom of a pit
i’m not crawling through tight spaces
i’m not pulling cards with aces

like living beneath the earth
poor people eating with polished silver
mausoleum’s topped with lead coffins
the garden of forgotten

there’s hope on the other side
a promise of genocide
like an ambush predator
i’m creating her

optical perspective
i respect it
like a highway of death
wear motto on chest

oh mother flat earth
what have you unearthed
the edge of the ocean
some say is frozen

just like our energy
a comet disappearing
headed for the sun
got a loaded gun

a horizontal plane
living in the fast lane
believing every claim

a wedding reception
oh the deception
you know they all cheat
their energy is weak

no it’s not a disk
or a worthy risk
to feel the edge of your kiss
got a different death wish

he knows I love him but can’t get close
the devil knows the most
like looking in the mirror
the demons getting clearer

he’d sacrifice a lamb to get ahead
he is full of lead
like pursuing a dead end
or calling devil friend

your heart is full of crevasses
i fall into the dark
like meeting someplace heaven is
a journey to embark

or peeling back the layer of an onion –
i guess we are done then?
you know i can’t cut the cord?
i’m handing you the sword…

psst it’s eight now – for tags – or the algo will ignore you

Posted on December 30, 2023 by poeeternal

go ahead and penalize me

been getting a lot of “we don’t talk like that”, “that’s offensive” and I’m here to remind you that I’m Gen X and don’t give a fuck

you will not silence or condition me

The more you try to silence me the more I want to get one of those things you talk into so people can hear you in a crowd

go on and push the last fuck outta me

I already got in trouble and penalized on TikTok for leaving a comment about how BLM continues to influence all our youth n adults to do drugs

facts are facts

One bad apple spoiled the whole goddamn bunch

go ahead and penalize me for breaking community guidelines

I do not conform to the social credit system and I will never spend another dime on social media again

I DO NOT CONFORM TO ANY SOCIETAL CULTS OR BOW DOWN TO ANY DEMONS LGBT BLM LLM ASM

“I HATE EVERYONE” m’kay

stop pushing your agenda on me or else

Posted on December 29, 2023 by poeeternal

can we start a new society!?! 👀

triangulation amongst jobs

triangulation amongst classes

everywhere you turn

narcissism harasses

Posted on December 28, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Kill Switch

i know you’re there
i can feel your shadow watching
i’m always awake
my finger is a kill switch
my divine purpose
maybe i’m not a soldier yet
until i get my finger wet
wrapped around your dying neck
i don’t give a heck

Memento mori
Placed on shelf
A little worry
For no one else

Lake of Fire future resident?
A personal present?
For the ones I love best?

The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical
But still you reach out like fading galaxies
Or maybe you just want to collide into me
Yet always demanding the direction I take
While lingering in the fantasy of my wake

p.s. photo is current of me and he may have seen a sample but it’s not like it got me any salads or proposals so neener neener

Posted on December 23, 2023 by poeeternal · 11 Comments

Cottage

I wanna build a cottage
Have a little place for garbage
Under apple tree hypnotic
Drinking cough syrup with narcotics

Posted on December 23, 2023December 23, 2023 by poeeternal

Too long

You take too long
To come down
Still skipping through the city
Leaving footprints of regret
Dirty notes in cracks
Of rundown buildings

Sometimes I receive a request to follow
While mountains are crumbling
And I’ll allow you to swallow
All of my sins

It’s like all of life is condemned
To the swollen sun
To servitude
I’m not convinced
Of any of it

Lost in the desert
But drowning in tears
Rage is a tower built
It’s a fucking circus
Everyone is jumping from stilts

You look vaguely familiar
Perhaps a vulture circling
Where is your spear?
I don’t trust anybody here

Especially faces in the mirror
Biological terrors
I will stare them down!!!!
All my fucking errors!!!!
“See me now”
Cursed and plucking feathers!!!!!

If they only knew

I think you carry my darkness with you like a souvenir
Glowing
You use it like a spotlight shining on our broken dreams
A torchlight for sorrow

I hid for you a skeleton key
And only you are capable of unlocking my doors
But some are sealed with concrete and regret

Maybe I’ve become entombed
Trapped in my own despair
My compass points to your peaks and valleys
I ache in places you resurrect the dead

EAT. PRAY. CRY.

Posted on December 20, 2023 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

COLD

The coldest place in the solar system is your heart
You’re directionless
Like your art
I’ve collected enough evidence

Isn’t it crazy, fighting over likes and comments to wind up in a timeline where likes and comments disappear anyway

“I was here” I think 🤔

Posted on December 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Pockets

He didn’t make or withdraw any deposits,
And he was living off of promise.
He was found hanging from a bridge –
With bricks in his pockets!

Damn.

These words like halls of truth

Why won’t you follow
To the cold mines
Become trapped
Bleeding bloodlines
Holycrap

(RIP JJ)

Can’t wait to get to the range and see how the ticker does with a 9mm

A half would be nice but give me a full

A full arsenal of firearms, ammunition, explosives, knives, pepper spray & so on

And I’m like babes, get rid of the batteries. And don’t make the house explode.

Does the Devil know tho, I’m coming for his head? It don’t require guns.

They don’t know how long an eternity is.

Cox and his Clocks ⏰ – I mean cocks

It’s like Inception, we’re all living lives inside of lives inside of lives

I don’t relate to 40% of the population

In any manner

At all

(Maybe more like 95%)

40 because statistically they’ve never known struggle

I was like WHY DID THEY STEAL MY RETIREMENT and instead of leaping from the bridge here (that a judge said I looked like I wanted to jump from), I researched my apathy

You know it occurred to me that I’m 1000% a warrior

They changed the uniforms so many times, I couldn’t recognize myself anyway

Bring back the old Army greens

They gentrified

🙄

Does the Devil know?

Jim Caviezel said you have to bite off the snakes head

He said they were after him

The guy that got bricks in his pockets tho? London I think 🤔

Didn’t pay a $250k loan

(We now have an undercover cop living here cuz it’s so safe)

Posted on November 30, 2023 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Horrors

Do you know the horrors of being lost?
Whole world is spinning
Pending holocaust
The devil grinning
Like he knows the cost…

Once again some 3 am I nearly “liked” instead of “saved” and I shouldn’t be walking on eggshells dying just trying to get a fix of you

You literally change the composition of my heart

And then I tell myself my brain doesn’t know any different, it thinks it’s happening

And there’s a healingness that results

And it’s not just from you

There are other things like a cup of coffee

I went 3 days without – cuz coffee isn’t good with this thing – but I had some today and it connects me to my purpose

Fucking beans

Posted on November 23, 2023 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Dressed

I found you again
And for once
I’m behind your lines
Like hostile enemy
Taking throne on your dime

I found you again
When I was lost
In your cold mines
Night vision on
Dressed to the nines

RIP John Jones

So the CDC say 30% of people die from what I’ve been exposed to.

And I dunno if the medicines are working.

So that’s why things are quiet.

I may be on my 18th hour.

I probably should’ve spent 10 K on a coffin instead of a wardrobe, but that’ll be another poem.

I need to hear your voice.

Upload a poem please? But I gotta go find my note with info on how to access that part of WP.

Lost and found.

That’s where you’ll find me us?

I’m exhausted 😑

This is a fight to the end, and one of us is going to lose.

Going in for bloodwork again in December with a follow up with the doc and she gets to re-assess

I brought up the stats tho and asked was I gonna die from this and she said no.

I said, I don’t want to die from this.

And she started me on a second medication.

But the CDC say everything they are throwing at it isn’t working and same

John’s been upside down in that hole about 9 hours now.

People are dying in terrible ways

These monsters like the sounds of babies crying

I’m either dying or metamorphosing

Why not level up and join me?

Romeo?

I need out if the city – it’s so hard to get on the right frequency

Lost in hell

Do you have my wings still?

Posted on November 20, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

God

You must stand in the center if you want to build a universe
This is where God hurts
Building wonder out of outbursts
This is where God thirsts

Oh thanks for that. I’d be so grateful if I knew how to edit/fix my blog. Without having to spend $500 minimum to start over with a new blog.

But I’m glad you’re still here.

Sometimes I feel I lost my touch, that I won’t get back what I had before.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose.

And how Bruce Willis (an actor if you don’t know) “recognized his entire family today” because we can’t take our memories with us when we die.

And I’m fighting so hard to hang on to a life that in two year, perhaps, I won’t remember the war I fought in.

I won’t remember we’re in a 6th mass extinction – and white people are being systematically exterminated.

I’m in the center of society watching its own extinction.

I woke up crying bleeding between my legs and poetry piling on the tongue.

And this little poem was born.

They say focus on what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).

Writing makes me happy. Or content.

Even if the context is more volcanic.

I quit therapy. Maybe I’ll discuss in another thread.

Maybe I should pay the happiness engineers $500 to have AI build me a website but didn’t we once buy software for $50 to do that? Furthermore, they want a business plan to run it???

Cuz simply upgrading to “no ads” and “use my own domain” so my readers can visit worryfree isn’t enough, on the personal plan I can’t hire WordPress to use AI to create me a website nor am I allowed to “chat support”. That’s a different paid plan. 👎👎

They can’t even fix my current issue and I sent screenshots.

They absolutely could fix it, with the flip of a switch.

Like breathing to them.

THEY’RE GONNA BURN IN HELL.

Went through everything I owned. Took inventory. Still have stuff sprawled out. Need organizers and hangers. And some other minor things.

But now I get to fixate on something else now.

The closet is full. As planned.

And the pantry, fridge, and freezer.

I’m quarantining for a long while – no family get together for me this season. I have offered to mail out cards tho.

My purpose currently is not to die.

Before it was save the world.

I’m exhausted to be honest….

Posted on October 11, 2023 by poeeternal

Sinister

You’d want to fuck the dead
Fill the sun with dread
Make them feel humility
You have the ability

Posted on October 10, 2023 by poeeternal

Kite

Happy as a kite
The words you write
Like succulent cake
What a pair we’d make

Fell down the rabbit hole again
That’s where you’ve been
Like tumbling down the tower
Need you any hour

Posted on October 9, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Lights

He lights my whole future
He threads my wounds with suture
Life starts and ends with his blues
If only I was his muse

Postscript: I broke down and renewed my medical card. Instant approval. Ordered my goods online, they called immediately letting me know my script was expired. I have an appointment in the morning with the good doc and she said, “okay, will go ahead and fill it”

Haven’t smoked since May and come tomorrow I’m gonna be on the moon.

They had cartridges for $18. *sigh*

I thought it would takes weeks or more before I could smoke again.

Nope. Less than 24 hours. 🎃

Maybe I’ll start writing again and going to the beach.

I need to disassociate.

All this death and dying.

All my lingerie sitting in a drawer.

Boo season is here 🎃

*casts spell on bad neighbor*

Posted on October 8, 2023 by poeeternal

Gypsy & Ghost

Where did she go?
Wandering in a sea of abyss?
From the words off his lips?
Like a gypsy moving with the wind?

What hath sailed?
Lies foretold we reminisce?
Love is rare like an eclipse?
Reasons we can’t comprehend?

Maybe you’re lying dormant
Winter’s a time to cool
Maybe I’m not important
When others give you fuel

I wish I could remember my own worth
I’m like your shadow always following
Be the one you’re living for on earth
Instead a ghost always wallowing

I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU SEE / LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE ❤️

I miss making photography. I hope I’m in a space to do so again this lifetime.

Apparently Kat Von D denounced her witchery and burned all her witchcraft books and got baptized yet still performs with stripper polls on stage.

I like the baptism and burning of the books.

I’d rather see her follow Christ and listen to the Cure than be all Satanic.

Can we talk about how the Bible has been re-written to be Satanic tho?

Now I need to wash out my tongue for mentioning the Unholy One.

🎃

Posted on October 4, 2023October 5, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Green

I want to make amends
I wasn’t myself back then
I’m not myself again

I wanted to be seen
Your grass is always green
Watered and serene

I want us to be friends
Pay back all dividends
I want a different lens

I want it all like queen
Not asking much it seems
But you’re like Halloween

Where darkness descends
And all my words offends
Sins multiplied by tens

More places I linger: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

P.S.

I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.

I hate how I treated you.

Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.

I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.

They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.

People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.

It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.

Helps.

You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.

Posted on September 30, 2023 by poeeternal

Under

The fact that he drops in
Like moonlight in the cracks
He likes her writing
It gets under my skin

I guess I’m a ghost then
I guess we’re parallax
And I’m still searching
For where my life begins

Find me here: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on September 27, 2023September 27, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Obituary

Would you write my obituary?
And lay to rest all the sins I carry?
For to sadness I am married
And our love it should be buried

They come
They go
It’s my fault though
Status too low
Weep like willow

You’re always on the run
Never stop running
You’re never having fun
Complain the sun is sunning

I’ve never had anything, and now I’ve got too much.
And I could lose it anytime, that’s always been my luck.

I’m sorry but I’m not
I said what I thought
Feelings come and go
Sometimes I take a shot
No matter lesson told
I say it on the spot
You know I can be cold

People already think so lowly of me, I can’t get anymore low.

But it’s easy to judge when your grass is always green.

I’ve been on this earth unmarried for eons, it’s literally hell.

I like being naughty sometimes but I never was that naughty.

We’re literally born nude and we can’t take our clothing to heaven.

I miss doing spicy photography.

I don’t know what to tell you

I just wish I was already moved.

But I’m holding out for land instead of spending uppers of $6k to jump apartment’s.

I am overdue a new environment.

It’s hard to be inspired and motivated in a place I can’t stand.

I’ve only ever posted nude photos, never compromised myself by doing anything other than photography. Though many requests came in with $$$ offerings and I ran folks off.

I have some very cute outfits and have been working out despite growing old.

95% of my household items are gone. Either sold, donated or dumped.

Things are in boxes minus my closet.

I still sleep on the floor.

So think what you will of me, but I miss my tribe.

My accounts were active and I had a lot of traffic.

Now everything is stagnant.

I’m tired of stagnation.

I don’t see anything wrong with nude art.

It teaches me how to be a woman, something man has failed at doing.

But they gave me my username back, and that makes me feel better. 😘

I’m terrible with secrets.

I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I don’t want to be here.

Stuck in a literal black hole.

Need some routine and inspiration in my life.

Don’t even like this city.

Wanna burn all the bridges down.

Stuck in purgatory

LOST 😞

Find me at: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on September 19, 2023 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Barely

I’m barely holding on in breath or words
The spaces where we fell I’m never sure
Apologies are song in flight that carry with the birds
And longing comes on full moon where the clouds they will obscure

Posted on September 4, 2023 by poeeternal · 8 Comments

Landscape

Could be mars
Waiting on you
Or falling stars
The distance you do

Healing scars
When sky is blue
Earth should be ours
But you’re as far as moon

So I’m 130 pounds now. The protein shakes and doughnuts are definitely working. Photos from yesterday.

Posted on August 31, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Almost Pt 2 (freestyle poetry)

I almost followed you
Down dreary days
And thicket forests
Searching rainbows
Behind sullen skies

Peering hopelessness
Digging up rotten regrets

I nearly ran to your sorrow
And planted beneath
The light that followed

So only calloused calls
Would echo from the hollow

I almost heard you cry
The grumble of Apollo

But only darkness lies
The beating of tomorrow

I WAS NOT TRYING TO WRITE A RHYME

I MADE HUGE EFFORT TO NOT RHYME

BUT MY MIND HAD A MIND OF ITS OWN

I STILL LOVE HIM

Plant me a rose garden dear? In our cemetery.

Posted on August 30, 2023 by poeeternal

Almost (freestyle poetry)

Like all of the dirt was swept under the rug
And tongue twisted lies were a shadow of smug
For the pressure of meaning was soft like a quilt
But the weight of the wrong was as heavy as guilt

And we speak in code like our lives are a riddle
But the circle of destiny is not in the middle
And try as we might the cross has been hung
But only regret can measure our tongue

I almost hit like on your post 😩

By accident 😩

Weighed in at 130. The protein shakes are working.

Sorry about the weird start of the poem – like lines are missing – an incomplete idea – but this is what was flowing out and I wanted to get it down

I hope you like it

Find me at: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on August 23, 2023August 23, 2023 by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Please

Please pick up a feather and write me a letter
Please open your eyes and bring us sunrise
Please do right a wrong and don’t take very long
Please deliver fall and give me a call

So this guy turned 12 on Saturday. Mostly a good boy. He hates the neighborhood and I don’t blame him one bit. There’s nothing to like. We wanna move. He’s trying to make it to 13. And despite the ups and downs, I didn’t give up on him. Tribulations.

I contacted my mom on my birthday. She was happy to hear from me. She said she loved me but I never said it back.

Just wanted her to know I made it to 45.

She also kept bringing up my sister who died and I also never responded about her.

She wants to see me so I might be getting a visitor this year.

Maybe.

P.S. I’m obsessed with Pinko blazers and clothing and getting a new wardrobe. Never wore a blazer in my life and now I got a weeks worth. Even got a Beetlejuice looking one. Cuz.

I may or may not share my new wardrobe at some point. Doing it for me and no one else. Not dressing for views. But it kills the blues (shopping).

People want me posting more but it’s so much work and I can’t break 300 views.

I think I’m just exhausted in all areas of life and would rather sit outside. It’s hard for me to connect.

I’m literally dead inside.

No empathy, no sympathy.

Pissed off at the world.

Just talk to God mostly. Cry. Pray. Regret. And then practice gratitude.

I am grateful for my closet.

For owning clothing I wanna wear.

But I don’t wanna go anywhere.

Time to just be dressy cuz.

“What’s the occasion?”

“We’re in hell and I’m alive….”

Can’t take nothing with me to heaven.

Would be 10x happier if I moved somewhere the mold wasn’t killing me.

Posted on August 15, 2023 by poeeternal

Mapping

There’s something in my life that I’m still lacking
And during full moon hear the devil laughing
But maybe it’s just sorrow
Weeping louder than tomorrow
Still I cannot grasp the destiny I’m mapping

But maybe that’s the fallacy of trying
I know that failures never gratifying
You fall from roof
Then chip a tooth
And laughter sounds the same as bitter crying

You ever been stalked by some psycho bitch? Who sends her psycho friends to also stalk you? Then threatens you with a lawyer if you mention her?

Challenge accepted. Send your lawyer psycho bitch.

You’re as delusional as a Christmas fruitcake.

I’m not the type to be silenced or stolen from.

Be careful the strangers you buy from on TikTok.

Her lives were so damn depressing, after awhile I felt uneasy tuning in. 😬

Eventually cut the cord and she went full psycho.

Poem unrelated just an afterthought.

TBH his poem likely inspired my poem.

Posted on August 13, 2023August 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Everything

Everything is made to collapse
Everything is made to fall
It’s like the earth is made of glass
And nihilism is protocol

So I got my little stand put together and my TV set up to be spied on. I’m still awaiting my PS5 impatiently.

I want a big stretch out lay down bean bag. Not a couch. Something like this.

Apparently people have a couch AND these.

I want the dessert first tho.

Wanna stretch out on a giant cushion to watch a movie or play a game.

Also, I’m sick of all the narcissism in society.

I don’t believe Hawaii burning was an accident.

We are under attack, one malicious attempt after another.

You voted for this.

I no longer think voting right will accomplish anything.

Gen X are the only ones capable of fixing this mess, and we’re tired.

We’ve been ghosted from society and trashed on by every demon in the world.

Millennials are still sucking on their mothers tit, Gen Z don’t know which sex they are, Boomers are responsible for the end of society.

I do not “love thy neighbor” in any capacity or form.

All I see are demons.

The immigrants do not have our best interest, they do have our best jobs.

Yellow fever is a condition in which man is cursed.

They are under a spell they don’t want broken.

Porn activates the primal side of the brain. They get off on killing. They get off on ruining good people. Over 51% want love with a prostitute. It’s been made legal in Nevada. More murder will happen.

In college, I learned subliminal messaging was used at the grocery stores (should be illegal).

Imagine what they are putting into porn.

“We don’t know why he would do such a thing”.

STOP LYING

PORN has ruined mankind.

I’m learning to set boundaries and ghost people too.

Tis the season

Posted on August 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Nothing

Nothing is as before
The sun ain’t yellow
The way people plead
And bust down every door
But they don’t bleed
When they bellow
They just unravel
And yell at me
Offer poisoned apple
That I don’t need
Still I’m under cover
Collecting seed

Linkys: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

P.S. I finally stopped losing weight and gained weight and am now 120 pounds (still size small)

Women look at me with contempt often. I guess they need someone to blame. I had a basketful of treats and doughnuts 🍩 while ordering a footlong sub at Publix and could feel their eyes burning me. I tell no lies. They were not happy with me at all. Or were projecting their own unhappiness. Either way, I’m still fitness rebounding and plan to include skating before I die (hopefully not soon). Have been going on more walks with my dog too. Don’t let them lie to you and say “10,000 steps don’t count”. My motto when rebounding for a minimum of 10 minutes is “every step counts”. Cuz even if you can only take one, eventually it will be 3 and 5. So keep going, keep moving. Spiral out. 🌀

I’m upgrading my rebounder soon.

Still waiting on the ps5 notification of “ready for pickup”.

Cake is in the future, but right now it’s candy bars, doughnuts, brownie bits, and muffins. Don’t judge me.

Cuz there were 5 staring me down while ordering food.

Like chill yo. I’m famished and dreaming of sweet treats.

I don’t want it to be my downfall cuz junk food is junk food.

It’s terrible for me. I’m gonna learn to make my own sweet treats to satisfy the cravings.

Anyhoo

P.S.S. Me and him (him and I) are so in sync, that I managed to order the exact tv stand as him, same color.

I even made a second trip to Walmart to find a stand, which they didn’t have one for my size. So reluctantly got back on Amazon and did a search and read through many reviews and fought with myself on color, and slept on it, then ordered.

Sent him a text of what I got (cuz) and he responded with a picture of his entertainment area. Same fucking one.

SAME ONE

He also ordered some shit that I got mad at him about but once it arrived said he was gonna return it (so glad)

He imprinted on me in my twenties and I had a dream about him as a child.

He’s a nihilist and most days I hold him in contempt

But I ain’t returning my TV stand just cuz it happens to be the same as his.

Maybe the algorithm is to blame.

AI is always watching

If we discuss a name via text message, TikTok will show me loads of content of shit I don’t wanna see

And I yell at him for it

We had not discussed tv stands tho

I just like to show him things I buy

And yell at him for things he buys

(Like random hotel rooms by “accident”)

“I didn’t realize I reserved a room” kind of shit

Or buying flags of another country cuz he’s a traitor with yellow fever but pretends he don’t know what I mean…

I’m a fucking oracle

I know everything but in fractal formation so nothing at all

AI did not decide on the TV stand I wanted

I even drove places hunting one down

The one I decided on came in many colors, but somehow I got THE EXACT one as his.

He’s probably my twin flame

Something weird is going on….

Tis all

I also ordered this bat wing purse thing and wallet – cuz I’m gothed out in pink these days (and my obsession was before the Barbie propaganda bullshit). I probably will stop spending money soon. I have nearly everything I need.

TikTok made me buy it. Check out Wicked Misfit for cool accessories. This is my 2nd purchase from them. Recommend.

Except a playstation membership and headset for social hours.

*sigh*

Anyone wanna gift me? 🤪

P.S.S. setting up the modem soon. Gonna be utilizing the living room again. Eating at the dinner table now instead of my bed. Adding more routine to my routine.

People miss me going live too, and now that I’m regaining weight instead of losing, I kinda wanna…

Dr. Peterson says you need routine – and there’s only so much cleaning and cooking I can do.

And my life is still disorganized after letting 95% of my belongings go

Posted on August 8, 2023 by poeeternal · 9 Comments

Sinkholes

This is how sinkholes form
Faith dissolved
My guess lukewarm
Your hate involved

A lake of drought
Swales and sorrow
No way throughout
Hell’s here tomorrow

Thanks for checking out my blog & socials: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

(No filter and lost followers after posting)

P.S. got a new 4k TV today & ordered a ps5 which shall be ready for pickup in a few days! Birthday pressies! 🥳

Posted on July 30, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Maybe

Maybe I should move to Boston
Maybe I should move to Maine
Maybe there’s another option
Maybe I’d be less insane

I ordered a new phone finally and it’s on its way soon. Maybe I will hate it as much as I hate my racist neighbors. Maybe I got Spartan blood…

Posted on July 27, 2023July 27, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Stern (freestyle poetry)

Did you build me a house on sand?
Did you kill all the ferns?
Left clouds for me to stand?
My poetry did you burn?
Did you post a sign where I am banned?
Are we waiting to take turns?
Are you flying a spaceship that is unmanned?
Do you think your hand’s too stern?

Guess how young I’m turning in August!?!

Posted on July 26, 2023July 27, 2023 by poeeternal · 13 Comments

Do You?

I miss the stars
Rotating
Around your love
And do you ever think of me
Far above?
When silence is howling
And there’s not enough?
Do you call my bluff?
Have thoughts to discuss?
Or am I just a memory
For your hate to engulf
Do you regret giving up?

Guess whose birthday is next month?

I miss you…

Posted on July 17, 2023 by poeeternal

Judged (poems)

Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6
And your enemy won’t let you forget
You remember this?
You remember that?
The enemies on my throne
He’s wearing my damn hat!

You can’t unbreak the broken
Take back words spoken
The spell in your eyes
The holes that you hide

They were bred to kill and steal
I’m behind the wheel
Driving full speed
And it ain’t you’re automobile

Bred to kill and steal
Like they made the Devil’s deal
I will send you back to hell
That’s the real ordeal

When one door closes
Nail a board over it
Plant some roses
Don’t submit

The fury inside me
Hot as the sun
The fury inside me
Someone’s gonna burn

You can’t escape from prison
Until you realize you’re in one
Like the Devil’s maze
Calling shotgun

Remove yourself
Put your tail between your legs
And get some help
Support withheld
Look in mirror and do foretell
We’re parallel
The way your lies do spin
You’re a carousel

I’m gone
Fucking replace me
Won’t let you face me
I’m racing
Dust in cloud
I’m hasty
Like laced lace
Revenge is tasty

Too cold to care
Fuck me with I dare
You build despair
And I linger there

Sometimes I think I’m talking to a ghost
And he’s dropping breadcrumbs
Like he’s the one that I love most
But I’m still hungry…

Regret will eat you alive
Nightmares become visions you wear

We are going forward in reverse
Like the truth makes it hard for the knowing
Or where we’re actually going
Like living in a hearse
The spell is his verse
And try to break this curse
It’s poison that we’re sowing

My parents ruined my life
They only sought to bring me strife
Smile at me then stab me in my back
Complain it’s God I lack

Say I’m full of darkness
Laugh at me regardless
I wish my parents were dead
I’d piss on their grave instead

Already being trolled by a Boomer cuz my student loans were forgiven that he thinks I should pay so he can enjoy his retirement at GEN X expense

College was a scam met with government furloughs and hiring freezes

Government programs favor giving our best jobs to the immigrants cuz they work harder and are smarter (according to their accord)

I’m aware only X amount of people will qualify for student loan forgiveness

And I should keep secrets to myself

But a reporter know-it-all on TikTok said you’d get an email from the Department of Education if you qualified.

I haven’t received any emails at all

I’m not even certain if I paid anything on my loans or just kept them in good standing

Cuz I’ll get it paid back if I did and will need to pay taxes on it again, like I won the damn lottery – and it would probably put me in a different tax bracket

I’ll worry about that toilet clogging when it clogs

I’ve only just received two letters informing me that my debts were cancelled and that my obligation to pay them is over. Tell the Boomers to deal with it.

My loan providers are no longer allowed to contact me, according to the letters.

The weight is off my shoulders but the worry lines remain…

I’ve been in fight or flight mode so long now I don’t know how to shut it off and just be.

My birthday is next month, on the 19th

I’ve already spoiled myself

I have goals of paying off my 2 credit cards and buying some land not land locked and far far away from a city of despair and demons

I want it to take 15 minutes to walk to my mailbox times two squared

I need an umbrella, not for the rain but for the sun

People will look at me like I’m crazy

Byeee

My student loans were forgiven despite the Boomers wishes…

Posted on July 4, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Color (poems)

He’s the color of rufous
An absolute doofus
He’s the color of sky
With black in his eye

Wish we were exclusive
Instead of reclusive
Like dreaming is lucid
He’s the color of life

21 inch porthole
Thick socks for the cold
The vessel did implode
I guess it didn’t hold

They got crushed
Their vessel was rushed
Now they’re all just dust

Victories not just
The dangers were discussed
Labeled with mistrust

He never told me how much he loved me
Hot sun above me
Make me swoon
Left me for doom

There’s something in the water
I won’t barter
The coverup is worse than the crime
We’ve all lost our mind

Only the beginning
Can’t tell whose winning
The cold is chilling
Earth is spinning
Sun is not forgiving

The rich are the cheapest people
Definitely not my equal

SOS only
And I’m so lonely
My home ain’t homely

My shadow leaves me when it’s dark
When I’m shattered into pieces
And I feel I have no heart

My breath it nearly ceases
A landscape growing stark

I’m running out of patience
I’m afraid I’ll miss my mark
There’s very few releases

Immured in bitterness
It makes no difference
I’m dull, won’t take a risk
Skipping deaths kiss

The sun comes and goes
The ebb and the flows
Midnight lows
The oh’s and the throes
He could heal my soul
Or let it decompose
In the meadows
With the crows

Got the hexes on my exes
Nothing here perplexes
They’re reckless
My math is only guesses

I want to be her
The girl he swoons for
The one he adores
I want her blood on the floor
I want to see her die
Wouldn’t find a tear in my eye
But I’m an amateur

It’s hot and humid
I hate his hubris
Thinks we’re all clueless
Will betray like Judas

I don’t know what’s going on, says the captain
Knowledge lacking
Inside the cabin

Right is forward and left is back
Experts they lack
Inside a tiny shack

The question makes his blood run cold
He’s the Devil you know

If they’re not already dead they will be
That’s what the sources tell me
And I have a feeling that is sinking
With that submarine

I learned a new color name when I ordered a romper and so now it’s in a poem cuz

This rhyme scheme is all over the place just like the chaos in my life

That’s all

More cute rompers incoming

I’m apparently obsessed with buying clothes I will never wear

(Cuz I am a hermit)

Also, why am I so heartbroken over the unsinkable Titan sinking?

It kinda feels like our love?

Exciting but doomed to fail?

Do we get a fancy title?

I’m still completely sober and definitely still fighting off CUD

This is not the cute rompers I mentioned although this too is a romper but more like loungewear – the others are fancy pancy

I ordered this in small and it shipped so hopefully it fits and I got a good bargain for it

It was the last one in stock

OBSESSED and I’ll probably wear it to church or grocery shopping

IT’S NOT LIKE I’M DATING ANYONE

Dying and many people like to be best dressed during their final days

None of my uniforms fit anymore and I sold them at the surplus store for a humiliating price

Ever since TikTok gave me a free coupon, I stopped getting coupons – even though I had many coupons pending, they all disappeared

I hate TikTok and will no longer be shopping over there

Globalism and immigration has destroyed the Land of the Free

There’s nothing to celebrate today

Byeeeee

Posted on June 24, 2023 by poeeternal

Trouble

I got in trouble
For being nice
I guess the good girl
Gets sacrificed

Double penalized on TikTok for leaving a positive review.

Gotta walk on eggshells to avoid a ban.

TikTok rewarded me with a $15 coupon for the ass beating tho.

Then during the live chat to figure out WHY I’m in the doghouse, I was nearly booted for inactivity after being asked to wait 2-3 minutes to sort it…

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t

But the 15 dollar coupon helped…

I was pretty heated after taking time to review and upload photos to help support my review as it’s allowed – only to get penalized for giving a 5* rating…

It’s hell down here…

I bought a romper from the TikTok shopping

And some other things. Better photos when/if I stop breaking out in hives. 🙂

Posted on June 24, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Halo

I can see your halo
Far beyond the payload
Where you might implode
Your sanity erode

I can see your halo
Written in lost code
Changing course the road
Where you rest below

Photo doesn’t belong to me but neither does my hard-earned money.

And I’m finding my most viral videos uploaded on YouTube without my permission, without any payment, without any request of use, without any way to message or contact those using my work, without having downloads turned on for anyone to use at will.

I film a particular way – when I’m shooting the sea, or whatever I’m filming.

It’s all a fucking shitshow and I need 100k followers or something to turn ‘tips’ on.

Recently someone wanted to send me $200 – but they also have invited me to ‘live free’ at one of their condos they own.

Nothing about my life sounds safe or too good to be true.

Furthermore, I had to delete my PayPal, Cash App, and Venmo accounts due to spam and whatnot cuz not even my money is safe.

Banks are shutting down. Billionaires are being offed or are maniacally suicidal risk takers, at the expense of our tax dollars.

I’m not even certain if the IRS is legal.

And the Lie House is funneling our money to criminals in the Ukraine and God knows where else.

I finally put a work order in to service the AC for mold.

Cuz maintenance is always “I don’t smell any mold” but I’m fucking still breaking out in hives, either from a nervous fucking breakdown or actual moldy conditions not noticeable “it’s in the walls” reviews will say…

And I haven’t smoked any weed since May – so I’m past the two week window but it takes a minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD (Cannabis User Disorder) and I still have brain fog.

I’m doing a lot of cleaning tho – and I actually do my laundry and put it away immediately, a slight miracle to not be sleeping next to clean clothes.

I still have no furniture and sleep on the floor and I made another clothing purchase – albeit I slept on the decision first – like I nearly always do.

And even tho the flash code of 25% had already ended, it was still valid further sealing the deal.

I’m obsessed with Dolls Kill boutique and hunt down the cotton stuff, though have bought a few cute sets that were poly blends.

I also got house thangs and shoes which I’ll likely never wear and will stay in the box…

I’m pushing myself to go skating despite the hives and nervous breakdowns.

I bought bath rugs and kitchen oven mits from DK – cuz obsessed

And sales + discount codes on top of sales

You should see the jogger set’s I’ve scored and maybe one day you will

I think I’m looking less hideous than my recent TikTok posts but at least I’m not lying on the bottom of the seafloor in pieces.

So there’s that.

It feels nice getting things in the mail other than spam and bills.

I can’t opt out of the spam and the US post office is selling our data, just like I learned Papa John’s was doing – so I deleted my account (like 2 or 3 years ago) and basically stopped supporting big business.

I should be allowed to order pizza without my data being sold.

I hate (even worse) how society is ran now.

All the pencil dick dictator leaders brownnosing Big China – who wants to nuke us and have us live in fear 24/7

I had another nightmare last night, this time trying to escape zombies.

I’ve not been watching any horror movies or zombie things.

My nightmares always consist of me trying to escape something and finding myself in a closure I cannot escape.

Whether it be a room with no windows or doors, or something else. It’s always the climax I wake up on.

Have to reassure myself, “pew, it was only a dream”

I was consistently going down – hills – roads – grass – indoor walkways at incredible speeds all while trying to avoid the numerous zombies coming after me.

My dreams are always fucking nightmares…

It doesn’t help that the Devil is always after me when I’m awake

I hope I leave the house for something other than food or doctors visits of medical malpractice

Maybe to do something within the community like church or skating

But then I risk the chance of catching Covid or some other disease being spread with malicious intent and purpose

People are always coughing

I literally roll up my car window when I hear a bystander or another rider coughing

My immune system was compromised

I just wanna be home

But this don’t feel like home

It feels like a deathtrap

Just like the unsinkable Titan

TITANic

I take a shit ton of vitamins like immunity support supplements that I have to order from a different country cuz everything is poisoned here

I’m trying to fix my eating habits

And I’m still obsessed with his stories

Which are probably responsible for my nightmares

(I blame war FYI)

My laundry is almost done and I’m craving a shopping dopamine boost

“We have everything we need bb”

“I know but I really want it”

“Okay but this is the last time”

“I’m almost done getting the things I need and at least I’m spending less”

“We get paid soon again”

*sigh*

“Okay but just one more thing…”

I got rid of everything in my life cuz I hated it and told myself we could replace it with things we want/need

I’m in replacement mode but refuse to buy a bed or furniture until I move

The neighbors make me wanna do bad things

The city drives me insane

The entire earth could be Eden but naw, invasive species left and right

“This country was founded on immigration” and they vote with malicious intent and purpose

I may like your stories but I know you voted for Biden and I want to punch you

I’m still homicidal and suicidal but I’m no longer signing waivers

For anything…