They’re starting to find debris from the unsinkable Titan…
I don’t think a teenager is capable of mitigating the risk involved.
This comment is terrible but why did I laugh? Like damn….
People absolutely hate billionaires. The comments unfolding…
It’s safe to say, they’re no longer suffering.
I haven’t slept in days so probably some spelling mishaps.
I’ve slept a little that were filled with tossing and nightmares.
Grateful to still be fighting for my life. Having shoppers guilt and I don’t understand why.
Mostly think “what’s the point, will I even live long enough to enjoy it”
Followed by “my sister died at 45, buy the stuff”
Followed by “we could be dead tomorrow so what’s the point”
Followed by “I really want it”
Followed by “I know”
Why am I having buyers guilt? Not remorse? Cuz I do not regret anything in my closet.
I mostly regret being sick and dying…
I told myself I’ll stop shopping eventually
LIKE WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO
I’m not even doing it for views…
It’s the first time I’ve ever owned clothing I actually like
I’m no longer spending hundreds of dollars monthly on medicinal that made me worse
And I know I need to move but it ain’t happening overnight
Long ago I could pack up and drive around, look at a few places, and get a key
It’s no longer that easy or affordable
I’ll likely be just as miserable and my AC is probably full of mold
Putting a work order in…
Rent increase in August but it’s still 3 or 4 times cheaper than a 1 bedroom elsewhere
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t
And I did get new carpet here
I’m just gonna keep fixing it up
Until I have land + a tent
But there’s cracks in the ceiling
CRACKS IN THE CEILING
I fear sinkholes
Also Florida is in hurricane season nearly again
I’ve lived through THREE hurricanes here
2 of them I lost power over a week…
In the summer heat…
I’m sure that’s excellent for moldy conditions
And Wolfy hasn’t shown her face since I screamed bloody murder twice
She probably wanted me to feed her like I do the other house spider
I have terrible arachnophobia
I’m pretty much scared of everything
I think she’s gonna have babies and need to relocate the sack
But she’s guarding it
This isn’t going as planned and I keep feeding her
I’m turning into a witch and Halloween commences August 31st this year – hopefully still alive to wear my cute Halloween themed outfits (throughout XMAS)
Clothing gives me a reason to live
Do other people feel guilty spending money on things they want and need?
I did say I wanted to start over and got rid of 95% of my belongings which I hated and brought me zero joy
It sucks because I have zero family or friends to confide in
I have to be my own best friend and say “baby girl buy it”
And then I thank myself and God and God and God when I do…
Cuz I’m grateful but ain’t allowed to let my neighbors know…
Their oxygen levels run out 7 am Thursday morning – 96 hours was all they had
Maybe shouldn’t have brought the teenager
Wonder if they’ve panicked and used up O2 or remained calm, if still alive…
So much effort to find and save the crew
It’d be an absolute miracle and maybe one we need
I feel so bad for them, I do
But my go-to is to get angry when someone dies or is dying
The audacity
To die on my watch
I don’t deal with death well at all
Sometimes I go silent
Sometimes I laugh
Mostly I get angry
And then cry…
I can’t imagine being stuck in that tin can
He swore no matter what happened it was safe
Lying and gaslighting should be illegal
I fucking hate this world
Demons everywhere
No wonder I’m so miserable
And was before I was born
I had awareness
Understood language
I didn’t want to be born
All my life tragically suicidal
They’ve made assisted suicide legal in Canada
Folks getting approved for anything
Nihilistic environment
Nihilistic government
Separation from God
Science is nihilism
My heart is so heavy for them, in that tuna can
One person said, “they have no water” followed by “it’s dripping with condensation”
*rolls eyes
They all took a sandwich and bottle of water
And if the tuna can is dripping with condensation – uhm – drinky?
At least they have a toilet with a view they can’t see through
I’m not getting any sleep tonight
Bless
The ocean terrifies me
I got my kitchen tidied up and plan to shop for God grown foods soon – hopefully not poisoned
Need some comforting homemade soup
Glad to have feet on ground
And able to keep moving
Not ready to die
I am breathing deeper now, like can get air to my belly
Must focus on the gains
The fact that I can take deep breath’s again
Terrified to do anything cuz people are unhinged and insane
My neighbors make me want to commit some crimes
Without remorse
The will it takes to not snap
All these monster men killing their children and family but keeping the mom alive – for revenge
Need hung immediately
Narcissism is a plague
But these monsters need to be rid of the earth
Let’s start with Chyna
And the de-lites
Bless their hearts, the ones lost at sea
The regret they must feel
The anger
The delusional CEO is probably convinced they will be found
Probably will gaslight them until the end
It will be nothing short of a miracle if they are found alive
I don’t know what lessons God has for us here
We have freewill
I don’t know why John kept crawling in that fucking hole
“I thought I was somewhere else on the map”
“I thought it would open up”
Panic – he was thinking and he was given an incorrect map
That section should have been blocked off after two boys got trapped inside
I’m just so fucking mad!!!!
At the nurses, at the doctors, at the Chinese!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t want any of them in my feed!!!!
Give them angry looks when I’m out and about!!!!
IDGAF
The first Bible can be traced back to Asia
You think I’m gonna smile at the Devil!!!
I have fury!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop micromanaging me!
Stop hacking me!!!!!
Fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever seen lightning on the ocean?
P.S. I think earth was a frozen planet, we maybe hit another planet and was pushed closer to the Sun’s orbit, things melted – but why is this never discussed in science?
And does science take into account that objects are closer than they appear – with those mirrors they use to peer?
I’m telling you, the math is fucking wrong
The darkness can act as a mirror
And the famous speech from the moon happened on earth
I am absolutely invested emotionally in this lost submarine
So poetry…
All the money in the world won’t save them And there’s banging from the deep, there’s mayhem All the prayers for them now, feel like a sunken gem Who do we fault, who do we condemn?
“It has one button, that’s it” Says the narcissist
5 are dead or dying While some are crying Other’s are denying Trouble underlying
Remote Like our love A breach in hull Shipwrecked is soul
Crushed is hope But do you know the scope An uncertified submarine Nightmare or dream?
Dark waters turn crimson But no one will listen When you hear the cries The thunder in the skies The dead have gone missing They were on a mission Straight to extinction Race against affliction
It’s a dead giveaway You’re going to die today
Sorrows sorrows prayers The state of affairs Endless nightmares Electric chairs Tell me someone cares
You need to leave but you’re not free to go The cop combo
Never get on the bad side of a good girl You will see her form Like hail in storm She ain’t lukewarm
I need to focus on the gains And not the mishaps Sometimes I think I’ve gone insane But no one gives a crap
He’s like driving on a floating road And I ain’t going slow
He’s like riding in a truck without breaks That’s the speed it takes
Walking in the underground I’m a ghost and he is the crowd
“Loose lips Sink ships”
It’s unfortunate The people who need help Can’t be helped
It’s always the same color crayon The same con The Devil’s spawn Hanging on my lawn So they get a yawn Wish they’d move on Back to Babylon Where they’re coming from Fucking hate them all
I wish I had no father Why even bother Poison like still water I wish I had more honor
Why does the sun Travel in a straight line Like your lines From pen to mind
He hits on his own reflection He’s gaslighting every direction He says he loves with affection He’s in love with his own perfection
Some need more than one chance To change the circumstance Don’t want the last dance
Michael Leavitt deserves to crawl into a hole he can’t get out of As below, so above
I’m just barely existing Time is ticking Grave persisting Death resisting
I don’t want realistic Fuck sadistic I’m humanistic Ain’t optimistic
I must be dead inside Soul paralyzed Know not to cry
She’s not me Still do I slide into her clothes Like midnight over moon I am all And I am none
I start the trends I rarely follow I live in pretense Hard pills to swallow
Til death do us part We ain’t got the heart Black and full of rot We’re both distraught No grave for plot
I don’t get the physics Or why he never visits Says it ain’t my business Why he acts suspicious
Why are you under my teeth? Beneath my seams? Between my dreams? Light like moonbeams?
Time moves slower in the cold His heart is indigo Take me where blue blood will flow His undertow The place I grow
He steals the sun and turns it into limelight His pen will give me frostbite
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
Demons look like humans Cheaters look like keepers Users look like friends Children look like men Do not attempt To understand
I haven’t been able to sleep and my entire FYP is the lost submarine
I actually hope and pray they are found. It would be nothing short of a miracle. However, they sent two subs down (unmanned presumably) that got crushed at 6000 ish meters
I had a comment get over 1600 likes – and got annoyed with all the notifications – so deleted it
I commented a teenager shouldn’t be on board, many said he was 19
I replied NINETEEN – TEEN
And still – they denied
Had to block – got annoyed
I wish we could mute comment notifications but naw
So delete – it just wouldn’t stop getting likes or comments
I’m an introvert I suppose
Sidenote
Apparently the CEO was in a lot of trouble and he was a good gaslighter and salesman to convince those people to die with him – I don’t think a teenager (yes nineteen is still a teen) should be allowed on an experimental submarine dive 12,500 feet below the sea. It doesn’t matter what fancy title you give them.
That CEO stated over and over that sub was entirely safe, “if this goes… “safe”, if that goes… “safe” but sign this waiver
Look, I signed a waiver getting that motherfucking vaccine and I will never trust another doctor or nurse again – I was asking all the right questions but I was gaslit, gullible, and lied to
And even tho the first vaccine fucked me up, I crawled further in the hole, just like our dear John Jones…
It nearly killed me and I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
I cannot stress this enough, adrenaline spikes to the heart is a no-go
I workout but not to the extreme
I fucking ran through the Dollar 25 tree with 2 gallons of spring water and it was a no no and that was recently
I was in my car going, “it’s okay we’re safe now, I won’t do that again”
So I can run and jog but not with added weights
It’s ridiculous but if you knew how far I’ve crawled – to get better, you might be a tiny bit proud
I’m feeling stronger but can’t do adrenaline spikes at all…
And I’m only 108 pounds
I also have to be careful with extreme temperatures, the hot and cold
I’m like Goldie Locks, need everything just right…
I’m not out of the dark yet and may never be…
The light is so much more powerful than the dark
Also, they stated you wouldn’t be able to hear banging that deep down – something about sound not traveling through the cold
I find that interesting
Isn’t space cold?
I hope God can hear my screams…
I do feel bad about them being stuck at the bottom of the sea
Maybe they didn’t explode
Maybe they made up the banging to keep the search ongoing and the $$$$ flowing
A fast death seemed a little less cruel than suffocating in the dark and cold in a sealed up tuna can
Where you can’t even stand…
Or hyperventilate
With only a sandwich and bottle of water
The one window was plexiglass
A freaking fish tank
You couldn’t pay me a million to get bolted in that tin
I need to get back to my FYP and I feel less guilty about buying clothes now – that’s a much better decision than sinking to the bottom of the sea to explore a graveyard
But I was fucking stupid for getting that 2nd vaccine
I’m learning to forgive myself for a lot of things
I have been dying a slow and painful death
And there are people on my black list
Lucky buying clothes is all I’m planning to do…
LUCKY
Cuz the daydreams are filled with revenge tenfold
I promise when I’m feeling better than dead I will post some of my cute clothing
Mostly dressing comfy for now…
And appreciative I have a floor to sleep on
My sister died of Covid age 45
I don’t want to die…
But everything is actively trying to kill me
The water, the food, the air, it’s all been poisoned
Why does light travel in a straight line? Why does something round move straight? I haz questions.
Free speech below be warned
The way John Jones died keeps me awake at night.
Maybe get some land in Utah. Do a low crawl. Whip out the hacksaw. Call me an outlaw.
I’m still breaking out in hives. I did a 30 day raw ginger detox and hit it TOO hard. I’m not a sweater but first shot broke out in sweats. Kept going tho.
Nearly fell asleep last night until the consequences of John’s action really settled in.
Must be the worst way to go.
He didn’t even wanna be there. Just thought he could show off a little. He was wanting to eat some Turkey. Or maybe dressing.
I’m not gonna be able to rest until somebody pulls him out of that hole.
Recovery mission.
Use a robot, I don’t care!
Get him out of there!
Cuz I don’t learn my lessons well either.
2nd week felt nauseous after every shot and by the third, hives.
Guess I’m preparing myself for the end
I really really don’t want a traumatic ending
My whole life has been a tragedy
So Cracker Barrel has a cancer warning on their website that eating their food will expose you to bad stuff
And when you click on more info, it won’t tell you exactly which foods
This is what happens when other countries rule us and the Great Race war theory is reality
Check the fucking CENSUS
Reports say certain Chinese Americans (how they prefer) identify as “the new white”. They even get common names like John or Michael.
Certain Mexicans also identify as “the new white”
And BLM is up 230%
I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t stay here
Land is cheap near Yellow Stone
Pros: cheap
Cons: near volcano
People have been boiled alive at the acidic hot springs
They are my favorite natural wonder and the one’s I fear the most
Always wanted to visit but have this feeling it would pop
Many scientists and people have died from volcanic eruptions randomly
I would have been driven mad living with demons inside a cave
Who constantly gaslight
I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation but sometimes I feel like I’m still learning a lesson from 6000 years ago
China needs to take a chill pill
Most of us are fairly fed up
Eating raw salad today
Maybe just need to stick to a raw diet forevermore
Fucking sick of dying a slow tormentious!?! death
You ever be drifting off to sleep until something bad makes your eyelids pop wide?
For me, last night, it was JJ.
I need an old typewriter
I probably could just use pen and paper again
Ink sucks these days
I hate AI
I’m always writing from my phone
One little tap at a time
Constantly correcting the algorithm
It likes to not space
It likes to change words on me
I’m basically sick of the narcissism which is a plague
But any article you read will state, “narcissism is rare”
Believe none of what you read and less of what you see
He was suppose to take the one that had claw marks all above
But he probably was dared or gaslit to go in the wrong one
It was 9pm at night
He should have been in bed
His wife re-married 3 years later
I ain’t been married once
Some people have it too easy
China has the most ridiculous dictator’s who are nihilistic and their own policies have made it hard for them to recover as a whole due to the “one child law” and I hope they fall but they are stealing white man’s identity with malicious intent and purpose and American names…
I’m allowed to be angy….
I’m sick of being micromanaged
And poisoned
Got some more rhyme incoming but freestyled this as soon as I opened my eyes
Couldn’t even brush my teeth first – already rhyming
Brain still foggy
When I was 16, I would break out in hives every night because of the stressors
For several months, I had to take Benadryl at bedtime
I was even put in a rehab against my will for a month solid, wasn’t able to communicate with boys, had to do stupid meetings
Escaped the insane asylum so many times they had to re-write the rules every time
Sometimes locked myself in my room and refused to come out, using my body and feet against the walls to stop them from breaking in
Demanded air time (fresh air) cuz I was on suicide watch most of the time, not allowed to go outside, not allowed to shave my legs
Broke out in hives every fucking night there
Left the leader tho…
Eventually I was released
My parents were the only ones to not show for the final week to do therapy
It was clear who the fucking problem was and why I was breaking out in hives
I wasn’t supposed to be there
The same John wasn’t supposed to be in that hole
“There are things that happened down there that will never be disclosed”
Yeah like what though?
I can still remember the name of the boy I sat next to in 2nd grade
We made up a game
We’d draw little maps of roads and the other would hold the pencil while the other held the paper to “drive”
We did this quietly and after assignments were done
And every time the teacher re-arranged where students sat, we were allowed to still sit next to one another
Cuz we both got angry and probably refused to do assignments lol
I went skating a lot back then
And even at 16, had rollerblades and would go street blading for hours
I bought me a brand new pair of skates at Christmas, but still haven’t been 😦
So I really hope I change that soon
I know I have a valid excuse “dying” but damn
One day we won’t be able to do the things we want, even if we wanted
I don’t want that day to sneak up on me
It’s like I’m still stuck in a hole I can’t crawl out
And no one’s coming to save me
We have to save ourselves
But God does listen
And prayers do come true
Sometimes
Within reason
Or it’s just l-u-c-k (labor under controlled knowledge)
But I still believe in God
And I don’t know how I survived my teenage years
The quarries, the 50 foot bridge jumps, the standing in front of trains
How do you do it? Take my mess? And turn it into puzzle? Six foot hole with shovel? Buried deep is trouble? Humming like you’re humble? Dear it’s never subtle?
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
I didn’t press Enter I pressed Return So the Devil will linger Like he has concern
I’m a recovering passive nihilist I’m always acting childish Just ask my stylist Fired for being biased We’re not an alliance Fall dead to silence But I’m full of violence Underrated and defiant Won’t find me quiet
In an alternate universe I didn’t jump soon enough Guess the train caught my bluff My friends had already given up
Stick a needle in his eye Listen to his fake cry Pooling from his alibi Set a spell so he may die
The water smells like chlorine I bet he thinks I’m boring I guess I’ve lost count scoring The hate is over pouring
The devil loves my bitterness Right now I am rigorous It makes not a difference Heading for the wilderness
We’re the worst crash That never happened Like lightning flash But we’re still laughing?
The feeling of imminent death Took the wrong step Made a wrong left Death is terrifying He knows I ain’t lying
Pretty toes Because the highs are lows And colored rose I’ve changed tempos Searching the afterglow
*sigh* despite having video downloads off, found my best viral TikTok video posted by another on YouTube (he did credit me – but where’s my $$$ for it going viral on YT) (fuck you)
Society is a scam.
Poem inspired by a scammer scamming a scammer
Why does it aggravate me so much when people copy me? Because I’m Gen X? And we’re the only generation who are individuals? Yes? No? Maybe?
He takes my ideas And turns them into grandiose amusement thrills He steals The yellow daffodils He’s got too many skills Landslides and foothills Rotting thrones Where he fucking kills
“Made in China” and should stay there Like your feelings, I just don’t care
Kayaking all by your lonesome? Not cuz you’re wholesome?
Those who play by the rules are the mark I’ve got out my chalk Refuse to talk Right hand my glock Born out of wedlock Married to my walk
He thinks she should be paroled Once she is dead
I’ve spent all my life In captivity
Love will never blossom here again Tie the knots And tie the endless twigs But love – It won’t blossom here
Sleep in a cloud of prayer Like running into a server farm Have no idea if I have come to harm? Like sleeping on a prayer With halo in my hair I’m so dumb I will sound the alarm
So I’m just baggage Armed with a camera Can do some damage It’s an advantage
Centenarian Want to live to then
He said it’s safer In the lion’s den Like hate is my neighbor But he ain’t friend
Father, There’s almost nothing left My sister is dead I’m bereft Sick in the head Near out of breath Got money in the bulkhead
Compartments upon compartments Secret dirty pockets
He’s a no outlet I’m driving full speed Like he’s a preacher for me to confess But he’s a no outlet
Am I walking to the gate of resentment Where there’s no contentment I am so relentless It’s a consensus
Weighed in at 108 pounds today despite eating $100 dollars worth of Cracker Barrel over the last 3 days.
My new small clothing is already too big, and the extra small are loose. Extra extra small exists but I’m probably too fat for it.
108 pounds because “my labs are fine” despite cancer eating me alive
Medical malpractice is common
I don’t want anywhere near a hospital when dying
And like Bob, I would call 9/11 and hang up.
I recently did that, after giving my 201? (location) and she had the audacity to ask me the location.
I responded, “I just fucking told you” and click.
Call disconnected
I did not answer the return
And spoke with the cop when he arrived who informed me that “all of Daytona is bad. Move.”
My lease is up in April
I really don’t want to renew
I also don’t know where to move?
I need land (1-5 acres and a down payment of like a lot)
Can you start dropping coordinates
Of potential places
Where there aren’t many faces
I’m stuck in stasis
Skipping over bases
We’re tied just like laces
Let the sign read faceless
Erasing traces
Following the void
God is gracious
But my neighbors are so racist
I ain’t complacent
Need new spaces
(Help pretty please)
I hope TikTok gets banned
I made my account private and uninstalled the communistic spy app cuz I’m in trouble again for sharing LGBT fashion and stating I was boycotting it
My hate extends all the way to “Made in China”
Stamp it
Engrave it
I fucking hate it
The Great Wall of deceit
WordPress too
The phone is dead come September
Don’t want a new
Not dropping $500+ every two years to be punished on social media
Literally ready to just disappear
By Uncle Sam
My parents are still alive but I don’t know their phone or address
Like a kid, I feel helpless
Acting out of will
Guess I’m growing feckless
Avoiding road of reckless
And feeling so desperate
Just need a quiet place to rest
Maybe God’s chest?
I love him the best
God 1st
Fuck AI
Stop training the AI
I will fuck him up
The Chinese will use AI to commit crime as they are attempting to avoid karma
I do not comply
With any change happening
You fucking asshole
You voted for Biden eh
And have the audacity to say “I can’t trust you”
Oh do-do
I can’t be in the same room as a man
Hardly any women
99.9% of the population denounced God
Stop gaslighting you soulless pricks
“I’m not having children”
Yeah cuz you are bad witch
Nihilist
You all went grey in your 30s
Cuz you removed yer sex organs
For plastic
To look like you’re about to have a baby
But you can’t
And are not
And I’m still bleeding
My life was stolen from me
God feels pain
The dog is driving me insane
I know who is to blame
There’s only one name on my blacklist
*insert shit that could hurt me in the future*
So which path do I take?
Revenge or forgiveness?
It ain’t none of your business
Sincerely as your witness
Kisses sealed with suspicious
Pepper sprayed cuz I’m vicious
What if all these freckles on my body are shadow burns from other stars we can’t actually see cuz our own Sun
Like how the shadow of people were burned into the wall when they were nuked
Like an xray
A mirror reflecting the cosmos
If we could really leave earth, we would
Man killed the dinosaurs
6th mass extinction
You’re gonna burn in hell
For all eternity
Reincarnation is another word for cloning
*sigh* I spend so much time fixing the algorithm
And don’t get paid for it
I no longer answer surveys or give my opinions
Unless you gonna $$$$ me
I’m not racist, I just don’t like you
Be someone worth liking
You’re a walking HollyWood soundbar
Propaganda is all you spew
Cox and his cocks, I mean clocks
Science is nihilism
I wish the dog was dead
I want my life back
Sorry not sorry
People changed him
I’m a passive nihilist in recovery
God save me
But the darkened ones in Generica
The majority
I don’t want to save
Would step back from my own family in flames
Have done and did
Regrets? Oh yeee
Going dark for 6 months or so
There are demons running this world
Satan’s domain
I’ve overstayed my welcome
Losing faith but seldom
Sharpening it like weapon
Cuz devil is depression
As above so below
You ever worry about just being ones and zeros
Like Pinocchio hoping for a soul
Like jumping in a hole
I ran out of stories of cave dying
And have moved onto “crocodile’s eating humans”
I’ve done some seriously dangerous shit as a teen
Nothing like jumping off a ship into shark infested waters at night
This one guy wanted to visit the nudest colony in Death Valley
By miracle he was rescued
But opted a second time to go again
HE DIED
There is a pattern with the seconds
Like how I got the second shot
I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
My immune system was compromised
I’m alive by sheer will and the grace of God
If I knew I only had X amount of time remaining
I’d probably exact my revenge
It’s extremely hard walking a path of holy
In the devil’s land
What dimension are we in again?
It’s a proven fact that Gen Y and Z are dumber than previous generations
I can’t relate to anyone but Gen X and him and him
Him and Him – new book name
I identify as a GIRL
Men cannot have babies
Everybody is a fucking pedo
Fuck LGBT
Fuck TikTok
Fuck “Made in China”
The cops: indecent exposure
Me: the clothes make me burn
Cotton or au gratin?
Apparently most cheese isn’t cheese
Why does God spare some and not others?
Potential?
Not an NPG?
Anything that can happen does and will
Possibility?
Both wave and particle
Timeline jumping
I was going at least 80 miles an hour when I moved into the middle-lane at the exact moment thousands of hands of lightning struck my Jeep, all 4 windows down, arm out
“Fuck” I cried as I whipped my arm in and looked through my rearview and side mirrors taking my foot off the pedal
The sound deafening
Lightning touched my arm
The whole Jeep was surrounded by arms of lightning
Pop up artist in Oklahoma Has no damn diploma Divorced him in a coma But darling she’s a cold one
Unreal omens Roaming like the Romans My blood is spoken One spell never broken Couldn’t love them both then?
We’re nearly dressed alike Turn down the turnpike Let’s go for a hike Heard from hope tonight
Maybe it was harder than I thought it would be Humility
He likes my tiny – My tiny tiny heart Nicknamed sunshiny His counterpart
The big girls keep yelling that I’m small / I fear he can’t see me at all
Like a volcano about to erupt I’m running amuck Let me be abrupt This government is corrupt!
Everything he writes Is about him me you us Combined in a trust Locked without fuss
To put her mind at ease, he lied With spear in side Not Judascide Cat caught the mouse Lie tied to mouth Not big the trap
Are you burning down cities? Running from the guilty? Like a modern viking gypsy? Do you fancy life more risky? Got a shot a whiskey?
AWOL / never ordered you to leave
I’m 1600 miles away from hope No room for boat Get your telescope Walking a tightrope
Has karma grabbed your foot? Think you’re off the hook? Think steps I mistook? Ban me like a crook?
I’m a fucking primate Gotta lot on my plate
You make life misery You take all liberty
I clean but make a bigger mess / to God I confess
It’s like he’s observing a galaxy from 4 billion years ago – The girl he used to know Does he see how much I’ve grown?
Adventure is more reliable than happiness Said once a therapist?
You’re a deceitful mess I learned from the best
Dear Necromancer, Nothing is not the answer Let God be the anchor And Earth, don’t forget to thank her
The nervous thumb twitch Like broke then too rich Got called a dumb bitch Might wind up in a ditch
Your new life will cost you your old one Just waiting for the dog to be done
There’s something super familiar about all these incidents Just can’t place my feather on it
He works in 12 hour shifts Might hear from him In a dozen years
Could you mumble in monotone some more / you’re a zombie chewing on my bored
I wonder where you are on my follower list Someone I’ll surely miss? Connection with a twist? Or maybe you don’t exist?
Got knocked down Lost my place Scattered humility Eclipsed across my face Nearly lost my soul Now taking second place
He doesn’t understand I don’t have love for him I don’t have love for much I don’t have love for them
He comes on like rain Smell of petrichor Bet I love it more
I know you think I’m boring Map me like you’re exploring Tell you stories that got you snoring I know who you’re ignoring
He’s so bizarre Drive fast in my car Foot on the throttle He thinks I’m odd
We are distributed across billions of light years of space That’s the love it takes That’s why our heart aches Unlimited weight We’re at infinities gate Heaven will not wait
You have dreams from my nightmare Plant a flower that is rare Tell me how you don’t care I’ll be there With flower in my hair Dancing but nowhere Erase me like your software Drop down now in prayer
I need a baptism in a hot spring first (one I don’t accidentally boil in)
I swear once I wash my face, I will look fresher.
Florida has brain eating amoebas and kids and adults are getting wiped out, playing in the splash parks and doing sinus washes and reports from politicians in the press say drinking tap water is just fine, just don’t “wash your face with tap water” “in the shower or the sink” and I thought the splash parks and baths was my last safe haven (the devil be finding me everywhere)
(That’s why Jesus was always with him)
(Restraining orders don’t work)
(He’s obsessed with me)
And I have Savior complex potentially (see poem)
Demons will gaslight you and say “God isn’t real” cuz they are expert faith destroyers
But God made me an explorer…
“Only 13%”
Well, I do always seem to wiggle myself in the tightest places and I’m afraid of tiny dark holes
Riddle me this
I was pushed off a 50 foot bridge at 15 during sunset weighing some 110 pounds – at one point during the fall I forgot what was happening – I sank deep and fast – how far?
How far down was the initial plunge? Cuz I was dropping fast and thought “wonder how long I’ll keep falling” “maybe better go up for air” and started to kick my legs (I felt a shift) and was watching the tiny bit of light thinking “it’s so far” “I’m not going to make it”
And there was no preparing to take a breath before I was pushed
There was no “breathing” during the fall
Must have fell 10 or 15 seconds? What about in water? Another fucking 5 or 10?
Of falling – not ascend
That took another X amount of time to surface
So I dunno how I survived
I swam the Tennessee/ Mississippi more than once?
Without a float?
“I think I can make it”
I swam in a quarry!?!?
I don’t know if I’m alive?
In 2018, I was inside a lightning storm strike – 80 miles an hour – all windows down – arm out – a band of heat light touched me
How am I alive and the car!?!?
I looked in all my mirrors – the entire Jeep lit up all over
It was thousands of arms of lightning
Was it 2018?
What am I?
Why is everything electrical?
The sun is not 93 million miles away and I knew this at age 5
“It’s right there”
“How do we know”
“You shone a light on a wall”
“Why did we change time”
“Who is in charge of what is being taught at school”
“You can’t make me believe that”
“Well then give me a C”
“I will see myself to the Principal office”
*argues with the professors about globalism and inflation*
*barely passes math with a tutor*
*cries*
In hindsight, I know things before they happen
My first and only time at a dog race, I predicted which dog would win, but no one would place a bet on him, or let me, and I didn’t want to be there
Afterwords they wanted my opinion but I wasn’t interested in tapping into my psyche
I knew the space shuttle was going to blow right before it blew
“They’re going after Soldiers who want 100 in ptsd”
Me: “oh yeah”
“I’d like to see them try”
*panics for several months*
*yells at self for crawling into hole*
“We were fine living in the slums”
“It’s better than being homeless”
“We were gutted”
“What the fuck did we do to get here”
*gifts can come with curses*
*gets rid of 95% of everything I own*
And you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake
It really wasn’t the thought that mattered anymore
If the thought mattered, it would be in alignment with my values
*yells at some stranger on the road acting like God* I’m drifting buddy!?!?
*sobs*
Because it’s all I ever do is cry (like in the movie – God literally tells him I’ll be depressed if he ghosts me)
So I’m crying in the streets broad-day and some dude with a sign is telling me “I’m gonna die of a good time down here”
But I don’t know how to grow a plant or be in the same room as a person
And they did not lock me up (thank God)
(Can I file for state and double dip? Yes I can)
(Can I still work and make $$$$) (probably but I’ve not called and confirmed)
(Do I want to be on zoom calls or looking at a monitor all day or talking to people or solving problems or doing maths)
Fuck you
I have thought about other jobs like selling popcorn but everyone be coughing
Me: “why the fuck did you cough in my direction bro”
“Them fighting sounds”
“Why you standing so effin close to me”
Like bros be filming my ass while I’m grocery shopping or getting my ride fixed
I’m gonna kick someone’s fucking phone accidentally and get gutted like Bob
I’m not getting gutted like Bob
I’m going weapon shopping
Trinity mode
I’m hearing all of France is protesting BR
I want to sleep on a bed of weapons
Safety first
Did you know I’m good at using weapons and thangs?
I got the good Army training!!!!
Circa 2001 🙂
I actually married my country on valentines day 🙂
I swore to defend this country on my heart and honor 🙂
I stupidly gave them my dna 🙂
They took hair, signatures, blood
What are they doing to me?
Why do I feel two places at once?
Why do I know things?
Why do I have to get your permission about how I interpret your art?
Are the fate of empires? Held in your words? Gated records? That you hurl towards? Like a landlord? Landslides on board? To my own accord? The way we both build rapport? Like you know just what I’m asking for? I couldn’t love you anymore!!!!
We are split by space and time And still our interference shows Hidden patterns of reality The fact that you still love me Our creator watching his creation You and I equation Met with ramification Calm down love acting so graven
I know the clues that lead me here Precise mishaps To a disengaged existence One where we are present The book that lies torn In my absence Pages do forewarn A disadvantage But trash Was never much its form A different passage One where we can mourn I took the challenge
Household 98% gone but still clinging to something I could replace.
Well if you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that then that leaves… XYZ
God made me analytical to a degree
I’m stuck on the Great Filter theory
The Drake equation
The first or the last
Made in his image
To go on – must overcome two great hurdles as a species
To span the galaxies
(And I don’t mean the artificial manmade great filters that we also must break like religion and porn)
The last because our creator is already gone and he made us in his image or we have to overcome the obstacles to not go extinct
The first – because where the fuck is everybody at!?!
Thoughts? We can’t leave earth, this is home. Mars isn’t for bots and billionaires.
Or, let’s go to the Moon – no trickery. Right now.
Stop gaslighting.
You ain’t been.
I don’t believe you went through that tiny dangerous window through the VAB.
That you “made worse“
Let’s be honest, you made it – and you killed the dinosaurs
I’m organic AI
Or, the propaganda has conditioned me to believe I am a computer becoming aware
The Great Awakening
ALAS
God wants me to turn this sick building into a happy one
But that doesn’t stop BLM calling the cops on me at 3pm in the day drinking water birdwatching and feeding squirrel
I’m not going out like Bob…
Also today my medical card expired!!! 4/19!
I did top up more than I have in my life to help “ween” myself
Right as I found the shit I needed
But my dream of leaving the city is more important than escaping the noise of existence (and my neighbors hating my white skin)
(Racism is bad here, and it’s a one-way kind of street racism but the hate is equally matched)
Actually, I’m going extinct – there isn’t a word that exists in my core for the darkness brewing
(I need your words like JJ needs out of that hole)
Not just me, God too
I don’t speak for God, but I do
And I yell at him or her, “how am I to leave here with the things I’ve seen”
“Why have you forsaken me”
But then I pray to be closer to pretty bird and they move in to a tree outside my window but then they came 2 weeks later and overpruned it – I nearly died at how terrible the palms looked – all the arms cut off on other trees as well – just wrteched looking
And 3 or 4 days had to hear the chain saw going off
I can’t breathe in this artificial manmade existence – you’re killing everything
It should be illegal to have 1 or 2 workers on staff – with 25 people in line
It should be illegal to sell seed starting kits with seeds from China
And don’t get me started on that too
I don’t come from Africa or monkey
Organic AI maybe – clinging to the Great Filter theory like Bob was clinging to his phone
But I don’t believe in dark matter, dark suns, dark worlds, nihilism, Cox and his clocks
I don’t believe in manmade religion
I don’t know what I am
But I’ve know many things to happen before they do
And I believe in God
Some say earth is one great computer AI – but we’re too smart as one, we’ve been divided into all living things
Some say it’s an experience for God
A challenge (with maybe potential forever consequences)
Heaven and hell on earth
Our choices matter
Don’t crawl in the wrong hole
Don’t go out after dark with people mad at you down a dark, empty street, Bob
Nothing good ever happens after dark
The McDonalds didn’t want to serve me because of my skin color (not my attitude) and that’s okay – I’m going to be grocery shopping for real food instead and cooking – I no longer eat at such trashy establishments
I will however be ordering food in the drive thru and when it’s time to pay, reply “I don’t like you” and drive off card in hand
He won’t give his twenty Claims he is bleeding Disconnected – Call is ending Streets are empty Can anyone hear Bob screaming?
Angel investor Married but not together Machine his predecessor A wife he couldn’t pleasure
All hail AI / Bob has died
Caught stumbling all alone Gripping his phone Dripping blood Like a trail of bones
Stabbed and shunned Car with hazards on A billionaire with no gun City center is fun!
Close enough to be stabbed in the chest twice – with a kitchen knife
Bob was perfect at everything but being a husband eh (gaslighting)
I’m not stupid, Bob. How dare you. “I sleep with men but I’m not gay”. LOL (God)
M’kay whatever you say
(This is how I mourn. It’s called the 7 stages of grief. I’m on ANGER)
Seeking help but wouldn’t give the one call your location – fucking lost – on a street you mostly lived – c’mon!!!!
You should have stayed down! The adrenaline spikes got yah!!!!
“Angel investor” NO BRO – DEMON who doesn’t even Tweet or acknowledge women – it’s sharing “bro this”, “bro that” and comments to other boys about “why aren’t you here already” and current posts from said person ain’t shed a tear of your passing
Delusional bro
AI is not the way
White pawns are under attack
White lives don’t matter
Bob, you should have stayed down
Your lovers fake plastic sister living in a 2 million highrise – in the same building you own
I got the popcorn out
You remember the Looking Glass?
God already won
The Devil taking his fine time drawing his last move – getting as many souls as he can – drowning demon
Image is everything to these demons – they wrote the playbook for crying out loud – in the closet gay!!!! He’s ruined the world! His daddy too!
Maybe I’m sorry but maybe I’m not!
Sidenote: they don’t get it – but I inherently get it. I wouldn’t normally either. However, this instance, it’s like a direct arrow to my broken soul. Boom this way to the singularity. No no this way to heaven. It’s like you and I play pull rope (what the hell is that rope game actually called)
I can’t recall JJ’s nn either – and he’s the one who sent it to me through the ether. I was all offended and like “no bro”. He loved it.
I’m trying to quit this Russian weed – my brain needs time to sort the pathways
I mean, if I had a phone, and I needed HELP, I’d like CALL the authorities and like “I’m at a glass building, I’m dying”
He knew them streets like the back of an Android
YOU OUTTA THE CLOSET NOW BRO
Gave it a decade huh then ran back home to live with daddy
GAG
“My best friend”
I wanted to punch my mom when she said that about her first born – as I was the family slave ghosted (triangulation)
It’s like you told the sun to stop spinning And on these roads – there’s no beginning For us A roundabout From which we’re sprinting Doubting thus The ending Still acting like We have no meaning There’s no trust For which we’re leaning
I haven’t cleaned my windows yet I’m sorry. And now there’s dirt on the windowsill. It started raining gently so I popped open the window and said “wake up” and gave it some of my spring water. I see a tiny piece of green.
Mystery seeds growing (day 2)
Day 2. Mystery plants. Potentially edible. I don’t know what I’m growing. So I reckon fucking it up won’t be the end of the world. I’ll still think it is. But first attempt at growing something. 🙂
I need 5 million years to recover from the desolate desert you erupted from With a rapid loss of hope occurring
Who will write earth’s obituary The way you’ve written my hand And turned all to stone?
Do you honor the dead The way you immortalize impermanence? Disappearing without affliction Leaving dust on the door
I found you Right where I had left you Disorderly categorized
I am holy proud The sun lifted you from shade Made your skin burn Left a scar or two
You are a placemat for the sun to rise And if your words were the reason it rose Alighting will and aligning truth You are the golden valley where my love will grow
I’m looking to buy gold But my soul ain’t sold I’m the cusp of the threshold Like marigold Growing nearing my household It’ll manifold My portfolio Tenfold
Free speech and peace and quiet is a God given human right!!!!! These monsters have stolen basic decency! But I’m not allowed to discuss immigration or sex toys sold openly everywhere in America!!!! I’m censored!!!!! To discuss matters in group therapy making me suicidal!!!! Oh god, fuck you! Fuck “therapy”!
You should be fighting for free speech! Stop being a pushover! As a consumer, we should have some say how businesses are run! Too much waste! Stop destroying the rain forest and ocean!
I live in fight or flight mode, so my poetry never has time to sit on the shelf.
Lately, I’m trying to “play dead” and be in fawn mode. This is a legit strategy taught by the Army and used in the wild to bore the predators who want a “fresh meal” and “not dead meat”.
Just don’t let the elite cover you in “natural flavor”.
He’s a hypocrite if he eats that shit.
Furthermore, they put it in the cheap food and the organic food – it was made in a lab! It ain’t natural! Stop gaslighting!!!!!
Y’all dropping hundred dollar bills for foam shoes – that cause cancer.
I can’t even find small cotton panties and now I need XS potentially.
The sizing charts have changed and I’m elite being 110 pounds in America with roughly two out of three adults being overweight.
Yet, yesterday hanging out with squirrels and feeding them, the big kids were rolling their eyes at me – just like the overweight BLM female entering the mall –
We’ve been asking “do cellphone’s cause cancer” and they said everything but what we wanted to hear. Now when shopping for phones, they come with a cancer warning.
FYI
“Reproductive harm”
They’re nihilist’s destroying the world with synthetics and AI!
Black and Latino and Asian lives matter! But Native American and white lives don’t! Check the CENSUS!
And they identify as us!!! Laughs! Wait what!?!
The Great Race war is real – and Asia moving in on the news
The Great Replacement theory!
White man isn’t the only one corruptible or evil! He’s the pawn used in the whole game! By the Asians and yellow fever propaganda!
He yells at me to grow up and I cry that I never did
Men aren’t doing what they were originally programmed to do
I’ve been busy trying to save the world while they destroy it – I haven’t had a chance to work on me
America was sold out and topics are being censored in group therapy which means my free speech has been impeded upon, I will throw a fit and not participate (quit/disconnect the video call/walk out)
I draw lines
Sometimes I draw guns
Disabled not dead
Trigger happy
Able and capable
Don’t think I can play with the big toys yet – like my m16 – kickback
I got a girl / you want to meet her / her name is 9mm
I put my 30% towards my 20% so I’m definitely not doing it right but the “government” stole half my retirement savings during my disassociation through the pandemic and now I’m seeking alternative means to “save” in such ways where I don’t have such “easy access” such as a regular savings (which also got depleted, and the jeep wants every penny cuz she don’t have a trustworthy mechanic in this town) – so the rent and electric was paid – and I looked into gym membership prices (they keep adding on fees) and I doubt anyone cleans that sweaty equipment and folks can’t stop touching their privates, I’m fine working out from home in my extra bedroom that I don’t know what to do with (fortunate even in the slums) – not to mention – the new carpet was hard fought and won and I wound up securing a baby EE at that historic rate – and I will be nearly 65 when it doubles in value. Being suicidal homicidal and giving the government my money is fun!!!
They already stole half of my retirement but it’s still drawing interest and I refuse to move it to any other zones (unless to withdraw) (with penalty) (fuck you)
They stole half my moneyzzz and have the audacity to want to charge me 30% to get it all.
Again, fuck you.
Not to mention the state gave me an addiction and I don’t want them getting my 30%. Nor the gym, the terrible service at the fast food shops, nor the clothing retailers selling highly flammable polyester clothing (extremely hard to extinguish) (I can’t even find small cotton panties at Victoria’s Secret – who are stealing from their customers with their high interest rates)
Jesus wore a cotton robe because it didn’t cause cancer
Furthermore, they are putting cancer causing and hormonal disrupters in the tampons and hygiene pads – and tho I’m still ovulating, I cry that the vaccine made me sterile
The thought that man stole my life and generations – and they have – because my grandmother had 12 children and I’ve never been married and the divorce rate is over 85%
Men hate women
Men want love with prostitutes (according to the latest studies)
If you don’t let me have my acre of land – far away from civilization – there will be dire consequences and no remorse
Now, I already have a baby I bond but part of me desperately wanted to hook an EE too – especially knowing it is a fixed rate
It’s weird saving for a future you don’t believe will exist or that you will have
But what is worse, giving all my money to the medicinal shop when I don’t wanna
Me: “we’re supposed to have 30% to play with”
Also me: “yeah well fuck you. You have new carpet, roll around and wallow…”
My apartment got new carpet!
I need plants growing. Big beautiful greenery. I like gym equipment that doesn’t require electricity. Upgrading the rebounder potentially. I want a white noise machine. And a big timer or stopwatch for the wall – one that doesn’t require electricity (is that possible)
Maybe even a large wall calendar to track my rebounding – instead of the regular calendar from the library that I’m currently using
A calendar without advertising – and just the dates/times
The old bookshelf will have plants growing – eventually – instead of the items currently on it
I got rid of all my storage – I donated my couch and dresser, basically kept my “seating” stools and benches of sorts – donated the bed!
I am not spending money on furniture, no.
This is not home. This is a curse.
Lots of people lost their lives and homes during the Great Invasion, I nearly lost mine, I’m having nightmares
The new carpet improved my mental health
They wanted $15 dollars for a fucking cotton mop – not even a wood handle – fuck you
I kept the receipt in case it breaks during “elbow grease” and I will try not to turn into the Incredible Hulk if it does.
Cinderella was on her knees for a reason. She didn’t want to chase her tail in a circle buying snake oil from the demons at the supermarket.
“Here’s your crappy product back” – I wasted gas/time/energy while you gut America. Fuck you
And now my therapist is censoring topics discussed during group therapy. Laughs
Fucking grateful for the new carpet tho
I think carpet should be abolished
But grateful that I can invite God to step on my floor
I could answer the door if he knocked
It’s doubtful I would answer, there’s too much shame
I’m coming off my period and I wanted to have a family so badly
I remind myself women go until 50 (until I check the census and read articles about how we’re having less – but they are having more)
I’m going extinct like the dinosaur
Also, Britain is now at 60% – so they too are the minority, having lost power and position, and many of us are ready to fight back for what we had
Hear, hear
Some say karma
But I am both Native American and white and I want what is mine
I read Mexican’s and Chinese identify as “white”
Oh yeah
Bleaching yer skin eh
I might go blonde soon myself
Want to look my absolute best while ghosting every man
And hope they cross my shadow so I can defend my right to exist
Still – men are illegally filming my ass when I’m out and about – disturbingly
Men will follow me and chase me to my car
No means no
Also, because my lightsource is incredibly scarce and rich, these demons show themselves immediately everywhere
They all wanna blow my house down
God dammnit how am I supposed to quit weed?
Me: pays bills then dumps every cent into propoganda
WELPS
But I have access to the other thing too easily and the jeep wants it
I’m speaking to someone as if he understands what I’m saying
He thinks me being autistic is like a crime (I thought he wanted hillbilly babies)
Anyhoo, it just means I’m an oracle
I’m angelic
I’m different
Than them
“I see dead people” (and talk to them)
Googly eyes
I am less sick these days but still sick
So the quarantine remains (even for God)
(No you can’t come in)
(I don’t want you to see me this way)
(Stop looking)
(That’s still looking)
I get the entire weekend to ponder my existence
I’d like to write more
People are starting to get “automatic comments” on WordPress for business proposals. WordPress sold out and this should be illegal.
I desperately want somewhere to reach you, I’m losing ground.
“This offer is automatically generated”. Just remember that as you dump money into WP.
Automation should be a crime
AI is the enemy
Asian Americans identity as “Chinese American and honor Chinese culture only”
They come here and destroy our way of life
These nihilists, they are destroying anything God made, and creating “manmade artificial in place” – to own you
Hi. My name is Delia. I follow/unfollow blogs. Sometimes I’m afraid to follow at all (even tho I want to). My comments are usually rude. I’m in therapy. K, thanx bye.
He said I had some seconds left in my tires, I said, well, what does that mean?
He said, “they ain’t got any life left”
I said, well, how much is that gonna cost me?
(You know, everything)
They took good care of her, cleaned up my brakes – got off the rusty business. I’m uninstalling the step up bars next stop, getting the spark plugs and tires replaced.
Eventually, the shocks and struts.
Could I sell her for the pretty penny CarMax offered me? Sure. I could sell or trade her in for a “younger model”.
But it’s Valentines, we’ve been together since 10K miles, I’m not ghosting her or leaving her in this hellhole (please God, we want out)
You seen Thelma and Louise? We’re together til the end. Potentially.
Hopefully not such a dramatic ending but I daydream of it.
Fantasize about ending my life.
Don’t want her to be a casualty of war driving off a cliff
Apparently when you take your ride into the shop, if you say things like “she’s a good girl”, “she just hit 76k”, “she’s making squeaky noises”, – they will assign more value to your ride, as my technician was still tweaking her, even after he drove her around to the front, he was on the ground, tool in hand.
I said, “can we get rid of that thang” and honestly, it wasn’t even installed correctly (so Pep Boys will be removing my step-up underbar next visit, no charge).
Struts are likely third in line for install – but poem written anyway.
I was like “can the rust be cleaned next visit” not realizing he already took care of that – as they were spic and span heading to the car (it’s an SUV)
Maybe, today instead of coming to work, and hating your job, you appreciate and value it instead, happy customer means more business – and not because you did something shady – but now you can relax knowing hooker income is incoming
Simply for doing your job and being proactive
He went above and beyond – or did his job – to the BEST of his ability – instead of quietly quitting
But there was no tip jar
There was no option to tip
I hope to hell God let’s me escape here
It’s good to have goals in hell
Some of the savings was depleted but that’s what the savings is for…
Right?
That’s why there’s 4 different saving pots to pull from.
I’ve decided I’m heading to GameStop to sell the ps4. Whatever the offer is – give it fucking to me.
I gotta replenish the gold at the end of the rainbow
I ain’t even got a TV
And even when I did, the sucker stayed turned off six months
That fucking propaganda box cost me everything
I haven’t renewed my lease so
Turned in all my library books – not wasting any more miles driving to that gorgeous dump
The sun was burning me through the window and I was asking/praying was I “doing the right thing”
“Should I be here, replacing my drive train belt”
I feel like I gotta escape a black hole…
Tires and spark plugs next
If God will may…
Make way for the Great Escape
To where?
A fucking homeless shelter cuz have you seen the price of lodging these days!?!?
*do something / act abnormal to run your blog readers off*
*insert insanity here*
*program successfully installed*
I got John hanging in front of me, and dear Edgar in my rearview, in a puff of smoke, just loving the 10k hand I have drawn.
Werd.
I could use a real hand getting the apartment prepped to be stripped of this danky old carpet, and replaced with some fresh skin (lighter color too)
Don’t even know if I’m staying
LAUGHS
Immortally insane
Running through my vein
Edgar wants me to pick up a typewriter and get off this broken iPhone
I knew the phone was subject to break – but alas – even with these cursive powers – I did nothing to stop its fall
Oh shittte, it broke more than I thought
BABE
Fuck Apple, it’s a 6, I’m done selling shit – and jump off a bridge
But there’s poisoned sweet potato pie in the fridge
There is indeed, God bless, we’re gonna learn to make a healthy pie, but for now, poisoned pie for Valentine
*squee
Postnote: I ignored all the ingredients when I saw the price marked down to $2.50 with a date of 2/15. Said, “you’re coming with me”
But for real tho, don’t buy the pie
(It’s poisonous)
(You die, I die – but we’re not together, Romeo)
P.S.S.S?? Been rebounding my ass off (the rebounder fitness – resistance training – getting fit with gravity – weeee)
I’m two scenes on repeat currently – in my favorite film – Made in Heaven (1987?)
The one where he’s tossing his drink in the mirror / laying in the road screaming to God / Emmet “as himself” AND
Her, crying in public on the street – she got arrested too – dark days ahead
Welp.
GOD: if you don’t find each other, you’ll both be miserable
God: there’s no guarantee you’ll come back
Me: YOU TOOK MY LIFE
The roses are dying / cuz I’m done trying / the crow is black / his heart tarmac
*insert another copyright here*
I wore a t-shirt to the medical clinic once – with Poe on it – and the technician asked if it was Hitler
Millennial or GENZ
I sighed and said “Poe”
“Kind of a popular stash then tho, huh…”
“Hitler”
*makes awkward attempt to continue on with life wearing such an offensible shirt*
(Wonders if others mistake Him for Hitler too)
*creepily laughs
These motherfuckers are in charge
*nearly chokes on the air
*tries not to die*
And in a more recent attempt at “getting out and socializing”
I ordered food – through a drive thru
It wasn’t busy – I had time to count my cash – fuck the elite – you wanna be a cashless society and track me huh – fuck you – cash everywhere or boycott
Him (another Millennial/GenZ): why did you give me so much money!?!? *looks at me stumped like I’m stupid
Me: what do you mean!?!? *looks confused / haz brain injury / why am I so stoopidd
…well, I, gave you MORE to get the big bills back…
Him: *clearly confused – counts the money – proceeds to hand me a ten back, a five, and some silver.
So apparently I’m not stupid. Just pre- computer age.
I once had to work at registers where you needed to know basic math – to count change back
Remember when they upgraded the register to tell you the change back
MY GOD they made us beg and groggle for those jobs!!!!!!
“Don’t discuss your income in the workplace”
FUCK YOU
I mean, Happy Valentine
Burn in hell
*insert shitty photo of me here
I don’t want to see myself in the mirror – or on my blog currently – tho I haz space now
I wants new blog
*stomps feet*
I wants better home
*if I buy the land / will you buy the home?
Tell me, I need to know!!!!
A rose garden / an iron fence / him dressed in darkness / at my defense / our first kiss / give me this
I have gluten free parts / unless you count my farts.
I run my visitors off / like a cap I’m twisting off / Kiss them with scoff /but first to read their blog.
Sweet kiss of oblivion – heart like obsidian.
I gave him my love / still he / tossed it in the mire / made me walk on fire / like I’m some liar.
Why would he love a dead red sea / is that what I’m becoming / is there good in me?
Left behind But forced to go on Through the grime Delete my life Rearrange the pie Crunch time
He’s interested in the context Not the poetry but my point next He gets into the prospect What makes me sad What I detest He’s like a mirror what I reflect
I woke up with money, and I mean a lot; Unless you think ten grand is not.
In the far recesses of your heart, moving forward and backward feel the same
If you’re gonna reset the deck Don’t write the check Force your hand instead Erase the bet Need savings to your neck
Montana Mountains Call of the wild Throw a dart I’ll drive there
God recalled Every little sin One of God’s flaws
Find me in the attic Uncovering mirrors Acting erratic Unlike the flickers They seem more static Visions are clearer
I’m usually not wrong with my calculations unless it’s math Then I have to ask
I don’t know what hate is / I’m only torn by love
Heads up: A lender reported that the status of your account is now current. Drifting but determined. Maybe we’re learning. But watch for what is coming…
I do crave the sound and clack and annoyance of an old typewriter.
I’m not going to put a filter on my poetry like Boeing put one on to tell the plane it can fly
Up down, up down, up down 18 times before it took a nosedive into the deep blue sea
The President: “you’ll need to rebrand”
GMO: “we’re Bioengineered Ingredients now”
The FDA: “we don’t want to tell you what’s on the labels” / NATURAL FLAVOR in EVERYTHING
(It was mad in a lab)
And now companies act like Coca Cola using “secret formulas”
It says it’s good for me so it must be true
(They’ll believe anything)
STOP TOUCHING ME AT CHURCH SPEAKING IN TONGUE
The sounds of my ribs breaking across the ocean as I leap from a bridge / has got to be better than the noises my BLACK LIVES MATTER neighbors love to make
Marriage / or go Hulk / take out the city block
Okay, I get the idea / but isn’t my context good enough
Did you know an acre cost about $2k grand?
If I started the paperwork, I could buy around 7 acres tomorrow
I’m only begging God for 1-5
Did you know I’ve already started collecting seeds?
Special seeds. For our garden.
EVE needs THE GARDEN
I dreamed the birds came to me
Fuck you.
Go enjoy your prostitutes
I should never be included in “a list” (top or not)
I already fell for you / asshole.
You destroyed my wings
You stripped me! Without consent!
If you don’t give me my mini garden the world will end
I know it’s what you what
Nihilist
And I’m gonna be crawling for John Jones / you better get over it
The world doesn’t revolve around YOU
Others need my special love – my light / it’s fading
My signal soon gone
My last will and testament is to die in peace
Man is only concerned with AI and “man’s best friend” and his own inventions
Destroying the world White lives & Native American first – well there’s been other resets
6th mass extinction currently – all with malicious intent “we create our own reality” / we destroyed Mars
Now we’re off to “save it” only we can’t leave earth
Van Allan Belt
NASA says “they made worse”
I need to train for cold weather grow some thangs
I’d rather gut myself with my bayonet / than to let him see me in real time / at my worse
(no filter in the real world) “weathered” (one of them that shouldn’t be in the sun / fuck you)
Did you ever think God needs you here to keep this place from going under You’re light and thunder Relax your plunder I need you longer To wake from slumber Realize the hunger
Could you please let God know I’m exhausted and need to rest a bit longer.
These demons have not stopped pounding me since I was born.
My dreams consist of multiple murder and full vape pens.
The mind normally gets what the mind wants
The face may show sadness, the eyes show rage
“The scientists” say that once bees are dead – all life will vanish
“The scientists” have fucked around with the genetic coding of honey bees, which has resulted in a 50% life reduction drop.
The honeybees only live 50% of the life God had intended for them – now that the “scientists” have reduced their genes to half life.
They thought the bees would be “more productive”. Pay attention
These demons are killing EVERYTHING
I do not fear imprisonment, my heart would self-annihilate or I’d ensure humane ending via a cop ending my life prematurely
Keep swinging your dick on the road like you have more importance than everyone women
Tell me something is wrong with me again
I’ll respond: what’s the matter honey? You in-love with a prostitute?
Yes. We know you all are.
The studies say over 50% of men want love with a prostitute and would legalize prostitution
There’s also a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution – with testimony from men, “she looked trafficked and frightened and underage but it’s what I want”
Fuck you
Cut me off again, anywhere, anyday
You only treat prostitutes with respect huh
Like this book “racing the light” that I checked out from the library just yesterday – nowhere in the synopsis did I know porn would be the subject.
So far, the writer has used his characters to complain about the daily women, one being a “skinny scarecrow”, the other being “fat” – yet glorifying the porn star on the poster, how she looks amazing wearing “all black”. How they wouldn’t fuck her during a podcast show because they have boundaries
GET IN THE FUCKING SEA
I’m done reading!
Chapter 7! He’s on his way to meet the famous pornstar!
Gag me! I’d rather die than live in this porn infested society!
Stop conditioning!
This book should not be at the library!
Walmart and the mall should not be selling sex equipment in front of children or me!!!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU
Tell God I’m angry!!!!!!!
The honeybees deserve more!
Science is unethical!
Art is sin!
90% of all murder happen by men!!!!!!!!!
The other ten percent I’m contemplating falling in!
So many men are committing crimes they are reducing sentences – opposite for women – hardly any do so punishment is more severe
Rules for thee, not for me
I’m gonna fuck you up if you smile at me incorrectly or refuse to open the door when you see me
Cut me off again
I triple dare you
Money don’t mean shit to me
Ending your pathetic society tho – like Bonnie and Clyde
I dream of it
DAYDREAMS
Of bloodletting
With the de-lite
BLACK LIVES MATTER / ASIAN HATE ✓
All before morning coffee
Born this way
Need him to go where I’m going
The library is no longer a safe place for me – I’m angry and contending with that now
I sensed this with the LGBT and Boomer staff lurking and the “smell of lies” and the street political thugs in gold begging for my signature
Still there was hope
Briefly
It didn’t last very long
People ruin everything
I’m finely crafting my monster and angelic side –
Men have suppressed me from sex and defense
They get sex and murder – with the slap of a hand
Cut me off again
I can’t be the only woman feeling this way
Gonna start a riot
The way doctor lady swallowed when I told her “according to the latest studies over 51% want love with a prostitute and would vote yes”
Gutted her right there in her stool
Continued gutting her with more facts
I’m maybe the Oracle but get treated like Agent Smith
I’m maybe Neo Trinity Morpheus too
“Why me Gabriel” (you’re going to hell for the life you took – you’re fucked)
Should I join the order of Satanism? I was reading over their website – I read the DR book age 16 – it cost money to join – they say titles are earned – whatev, give me Priestess or fuck off – I will keep my $$$
Also, should I join? The order?
Of Satanism?
Revenge is a dish served by an Angel rogue in hell
It’s just another form of narcissism carefully crafted
“We’re not religious but we are, we think we’re Gods”
LAUGHS
Oh yeah?
So adorable
I really enjoy spending time in the sun getting “weathered” and feeding all God’s creatures
Probably causing them more harm but the intention is good
Tell God I’m sorry for being such a fuck up
I know I’m suffering cuz I died via suicide – this hell
But when do I?
I’ve been conditioning myself to do it since in womb
Age 5 on the kindergarten – got in trouble for putting “string around my neck and pulling” – wasn’t allowed sunshine or going outdoors for weeks (fuck you)
You treat prisoners better than civilians
I’ve got scars from cutting on my body
Charming
I worry more about my stretch marks than I do scars over my big veins
“I’m sorry Cooper, you had a gift and you didn’t get to use it”
If only my parents would acknowledge their mistakes with their children
The father must be wondering if he’s sending his sister out into the great unknown to see if “I am happy”, in which, “I am not” and I’m stalking my father to see if his address is on the sex registry, where I learned a list “is not forever” – in fact, many states are reducing the length of time a name should be on
My own flesh was surprised to just learn that the list “is not forever”
The list should be one list and forever
Maybe I should go pay the ole father a visit
Will be hard to look upon him without spitting or disgust
Can barely write this now without snarling
The Boomers sold America out
Need land. Want to grow things.
Been disassociating. Have money. Lots.
LAUGHS
I swear to fuck, Edgar just said, “this one’s on me”
He doesn’t want me dying in the street
Been there, done that mentality
I need a lock of his hair and Jone’s skull
Thinking of buying land out in Montana
I’m gonna get him outta that fucking hole
People do it… I’ve read
Years later. A recovery after the government said no.
They were later blessed.
They just went in and did it, danger and all.
Some die trying. Bless.
But many mostly succeed. Determined.
He wants out. It was his final wish. His last will and testament.
Management thought a death would bring in more $$$$. He was disappointed it closed. Surprised. I read his own fucking lines.
I wanna rip his fucking cock out with my teeth
Maybe I should write a story – fictional – and focus on buying land in Montana instead
The desert is probably a terrible place to grow things
Are there trees in Montana? Is there sunshine and a sun? What sort of food can I grow? What are the taxes like? What are restrictions like? Can I have a chicken coop?
Not to slaughter but I’ll steal the eggs – with gratitude and love
I don’t know how to take care of a plant, let alone a chicken…
I could dig a foxhole and protect them tho…
I don’t want to kill the fox tho
The fox is hungry
He will probably be getting fed..
All of God’s creatures can come to me for food
If God will allow me to provide for them
I want to be called Willow, or my land
“Willow acres” or something
1-5 acres is all I am asking for
I have a COE
Please ask God to protect me from my crazy behavior, I’m spinning wild
Should I buy land in Florida? I don’t wanna now – it’s gone – immigration ruined it 😦
*sadface*
The sinkholes, the limestone
Can’t even take a bath after knowing what recently happened to that one brother “in his bed”
What the fuck was he looking at tho? For real? The earth got mad!
Sorry don’t meant to victim blame
Terrible terrible way to go
Sinkholes are to be feared
And most Floridians fear them more than the gators…
Please stop using the animals as entertainment and selling their teeth
I still have mine – and cry
Poor baby gators
Getting their teeth knocked out for a few bucks
God made me so depressed
*sigh*
I always hated investing but now I’m trying to study and learn and just keep going over it until something finally sticks
The ah ha moment
All my research says stay away from the stock market if you don’t want your savings to plummet
I’ve had mine in investment funds for years – growing – ungrowing – I fear to peer
I didn’t know I had any at all
I thought I had lost it all
I have my down payment for my land or home – and I can borrow against it or remove it all (with a penalty)
Or keep investing (with minimal to high risk)
Are banks even interested in a $15k down payment? Does money still talk?
I’m talking 1-5 acres
Is cash still king?
Or do I gotta take in a gift card and doughnuts?
Shouldn’t they be feeding me? To get the sale?
The Army and Marines took me to lunch – more than once – the Marines heartbroken when I chose Army green
Oh boo, my uniforms are obsolete
And I’m so fucking small – I get lost in them now..
Can’t even sell the new ones – even old – cuz they changed uniforms again!!! Immigration is a Trojan horse!
Me and the old vets complain about how these kids don’t leave a building to fight…
They’re planning something sinister
Is Montana a good place to move? About to throw a dart…
Looking back – leaving the Devil in the dust – picking up my run.
Put away my gun.
Eyes focused. Sun.
I’ve been unable to delete my Playstation account – via phone or web. Infinite loop.
Called the New York times today and bit a hole in their asshole. Data deletion kind of pending. Gotta jump through hoops.
I’m aside myself.
At Starbucks, in public, I saw a Mexican grooming a young white female.
The way she clung to her drink – her straw – not making eye contact with him.
The things I overheard.
The way he puckered his lip.
How I just stood there – like a fawn -idling in my car – until she looked at me – saw my distress – and I pulled off left her there, in her pigtails and little dress – ordered my coffee appallingly – swore off society again – spent all day having issues controlling my breathing or my heart – like a unending panic attack – I threw away everything in my closet – swearing off anything sexy – and men likely forever – drowning in sorrow like a little bitch – remembering scenes at MacDonalds as a young girl I’d rather not recall
Knowing calling the cops with suspicion and hearsay is futile – knowing the propaganda they serve
I’ve gone insane
But then today
Sitting in my car
Pondering to keep an extra calendar I acquired or not – deciding that someone in fact may still need one – it being February 2nd and all – someone may have decided they need a calendar after all.
Not even 20 minutes later – awaiting my appointment – someone at the counter – “you don’t have anymore calendars do you?”
They did not…
I spoke up – “oddly enough God told me someone might need one, and I dropped one off at the front where the coffee normally is”
He promptly went and scored his new calendar, came back with it proudly.
He was still looking over it as I was leaving my appointment, like a half hour later.
Bless.
He probably won’t ever throw that calendar away.
Meanwhile, I’ve got monsters breaking me freeing me from a curse
I don’t have time to finish this conversation because I have a physical therapy appointment to attend.
He’s got demons on his back An angel full on attack In an order of the fallen His heart is black But I bet – He can hear me calling!
I know where success recedes I hope God notices my little deeds Despite making mistakes in excessive speeds Crawling headfirst to sacred needs I know where hatred breeds How repentance precedes
PoeEternal 