Posted on by poeeternal

Sad Empty Pathetic Lives

One from my private vault, and from two years ago (April 2017). Completely raw and untouched for April Poetry Month.

sad empty pathetic lives… what reruns they are

he’ll never have my love or respect again. he’ll never have my forgiveness and he’s never going to be worthy of my friendship.
but now, to get up and move again… i need to mend.

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll need a friend

you said you would never hurt me again
a weight off my shoulders
yet seven feet in…

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll cry again

behind those large blue eyes
a monster lurks
never a day that ends-
always at work

he said he would never hurt me again
he said he would never

i hate you
and no amount of time
will ever change that

you know what you are,
you know what you did
how would you think
i’d not wish you dead
how did you think
i’d not wish you dead

i need silence inside my head
but there’s violence inside your bed
how did you think i’d not wish you dead

sad empty pathetic lives… what monsters they are

lurking and lusting and
draining souls
i will never relinquish control
i was head deep in
before i could swim
i’m learning how to live again
i’m learning how to live

oh for a brief moment you made me believe
in a fairytale

(but you’re really a monster from hell, tell tell)

oh ye sloth
you were treated like a king
even out of cloth
and lying on your knee

one or two or a thousand
how many hearts now bleed?

i didn’t want to be her, i plead
but you’re still not listening
you have no heart, you see

oh, and good luck on the baby

what hurts most of all, i believed you
and the thing that hurts most is, you knew all along
you knew

this is cruel deception
you are evil incarnate
the dead, risen again
he has no soul

(might as well call me a widow, i’m mourning my soul
the death of my heart)

nocturnal mourning

every morning

i should have seen
all the warnings

hating you is the only way to get through, it’s the only way i will survive. but is it wrong to hate a monster?

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Lines

I never know when it is that I’ll cross a line
Between each state, my next mistake, or maybe when I rhyme
It’s guaranteed, I will succeed, it shouldn’t take much time
I’ve been practicing since I was young like I’m meeting a deadline
Some would even say that I was born without a spine
It’s difficult to receive help even if I hold a sign
If given any choice they’d likely toss me with the swine
Do they know it’s not the mud from which I begrime

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Transfer Request Pending

I’ve never had anyone look at me the way they look at her
Although I am fully grown I must be an amateur
I wonder when they look at me I appear to be a blur
Similar to a black hole, is there nothing to observe?
Many times I have been told I’m just not what they prefer
But why do they always get to decide what is that I deserve?
I applied to move to Mars, I hope they put in my transfer…

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Emotional Cargo

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from going down a path I never grow
Then I’d never sneer when I see an old photo
I’d never ever wonder who I’d be without the woe

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from packing all of this emotional cargo
I seem to carry it with me no matter where it is I go
I’d gladly give it to you but there’s no place left to stow

© Delia Ross. 2019

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RSVP Declined

Why send an invitation if it’ll just be declined
I want to be seen but I stand with the blind
Every rejection makes me more aligned
I still look confused though I’ve made up my mind
You warned you were bad but you are the worst kind

Oh teacher, oh teacher why’d you leave me blue
Another desertion what more can I do
We barely had started but now we are through
I may have been late but I can’t outrun you
Give me the full movie not just the preview

© Delia Ross. 2019

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DEPRESSED 101

My depression is working overtime and charging me extra. Can’t bribe him with a day off no matter the weather. Told him to get moving but he dropped the anchor. This lake is filled with tears and I ain’t getting better. I put it in a memorandum and even wrote it in a letter. He just laughed at me, shouted, and gave the middle finger. The only way I can quiet him is with some liquor. He follows me every year but here’s the kicker.
He mirrors me and worries me and is in every picture. The funny thing, the longer he dreams, the less I remember.

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Love Story

It’s a love story from the dead to the dead
Rotating cyclones of he said, she said
It isn’t what I meant here’s what I mean instead
Constantly sending each other gifts of dread
You wanted to be heard, now your face is turning red

But I’m sorry, you’re sorry, it’s all we ever had
Now we’re feeling worse, we are always feeling bad
Our circles quickly dropping unless we stopped trying to add
Try to greet you all and you respond like you are mad
I’m certain all I wanted was for us feeling a tad less sad

Actions and words never meeting in the middle
And every single wound leaves us all so very brittle
Consequences come at you hard to read like a riddle
But everyone thinks they know how to love just a little
You swear it isn’t you but here it comes another missile

I know we’re all in hell it doesn’t take a degree
You’re always on the run, you barely ever take a knee
I know I’m paranoid the devil’s always after me
Blinding us with hate or lust I can’t convince you all to see
I’m just curious if any of you really do feel free

You build these walls and cages but who do they protect
You haven’t convinced me that your life is so perfect
I wonder if any of you clearly understand yet
It’s doubtful though so I’m passing on this bet
I’ll try again and maybe this time I will be more direct

Okay another verse, perhaps a message you can understand
None of this can work if we don’t give a helping hand
I live here, you live there, we all share this land
Love is not something to hoard, set it free unmanned
Love it knows the way so let it lead our command

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Cross Your Mind

Crossed our wires, wrong hands for hire
and now they’re blaming me

Shooting blanks and loading tanks
with riots in the street

I’d rather bid my precious hours
where two lovers greet

And if it seems it’s worth my time,
perhaps I’ll move my feet

Into the light, we sail tonight
I brought for us a treat

You’re feeling sour, my mood can tower
it’s best that we shall meet

I promise skies, and never lies
we can be discrete

You can’t deny, I’m on your mind
I think that’s pretty neat

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Shadows

I would never take the spotlight from you
I will follow your shadow, I already do
If you fall behind, I’ll a clear path to get through
No obstructions shall impede your view
In your honor, I’d erect a statue
That’s probably something you already knew
A shadow always exposes what’s true
Just look how long my shadow grew

© Delia Ross. 2019

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If These Were Last Moments

I don’t know if this will get through to you
I don’t know that I can quilt the right words
If these were last moments I’d run out of fuel
Now’s a good time to listen while still

Surrounded by people, unsound energies accrue
Negative actions come at you in herds
They’ll tell you a diamond doesn’t start out a jewel
Poisoned so slowly you never feel ill

Whispers and laughters “we know you’ll pull through”
On and on it’s always pain you move towards
I guess I’d want you to know you are cruel
For inviting me to climb then kicking me downhill

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Ten After Sunset

Pain after sunset
denial and regret
It’s now ten after sunset
you haven’t admitted anything yet

Blame during sunrise
But never a tear in your eye
Aim for shock and surprise
It’s so much better when they cry

Shame morning and afternoon
You’ll catch him singing the same ole tune
Same lying up under the moon
He wasn’t born with a silver spoon

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Tight Ropes

Such tight ropes we weave and trample
A love like yours I deserve to sample
Your flame is brighter than any candle
There’s not much that we couldn’t handle

I’ve never seen a face like yours
I’ve seen them all and lived through war
Walked every land, touched distant shores
You’re the only body I want to explore

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Depression

Standing near a cliff waiting for the wind to blow
Years I must be waiting time is moving very slow
Lost so many hours no longer know where to go
Might have heard you shouting, guess I’ll never ever know

Always seeing others with someone on their side
Leaning towards the edge, no one even says goodbye
Even broke a rib on my own trying to climb
The pain so excessive I think I’d really rather die

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Won’t Bring Him Back (Lyrics)

In these pages he’s alive
In these words we do survive
In these moments nothing but time
Memories without a hard drive
We get by, we drive, we fly

No suffering when amongst a friend
But these words won’t bring him back again
No these words won’t bring him back again

The days on pages never end
The nights play out as you intend
He’ll heed the call when you contend

But these words won’t bring him back again
Said these words won’t bring him back
No these words won’t bring me back

© Delia Ross. 2019

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No Pretense

You say there’s no reason for our unfriending
But why do I feel like it’s always near ending
We never even got a proper beginning
There’s always another you are attending
And here I go with more words of offending
I wish these messages I would stop sending
Or maybe more kindness from you is worth lending
If you are confused I am too comprehending
These situations that keep us from ascending
I’ll do what I can to keep from descending
I’m grateful for you and will go on defending
Thank you for allowing my childish venting
At least you’ll never find me pretending

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Love and Liquor

Tossing out all these dead flowers
Wondering how I lost so many hours
All my fears his soul devours
I wish I had her superpowers

Bonded to insomniac dreams
Getting further lost in the crowd it seems
No matter where he moves light beams
Time is borrowed and never redeems

A number to him and a number to her
My first twenty years it seems were a blur
Chasing adventure with love and liquor
Regret and denial would only occur

I’m sadder now than I ever was before
I’ve healed myself from wounds of your war
Silence a battleground I rather abhor
I don’t even know what I was looking for

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Close To You (song)

Why can’t I be close to you
What is it I am suppose to do
Why can’t I be close to you
What is it you want me to do

Why can’t I be?
Why can’t I be close to you close to you
Why can’t I be?

I know you’re watching me
I see you pop up in my feed
I don’t know what it’s suppose to mean
I wish you’d throw a sign at me

Why can’t I be close to you
What is it I am suppose to do
Why can’t I be close to you
What is it you want me to do

Why can’t I be close to you
Why can’t I get through to you
Why can’t I talk to you
Why can’t I get through to you

I can’t just walk away
Though you ignore me I still say “hey”
I don’t always know what to say
My body begs for me to stay

Why can’t I be close to you
What is it I am suppose to do
Why can’t I be close to you
What is it you want me to do

The signals that you send
They confuse me
Pierce right through me
I don’t want it to end

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Not Your Valentine

I know I’m not the girl for you
I still wish you were someone I knew
I only wish good things for all you do
I hope you get the girl of your dreams too

I know you are busy but you are always on my mind
I’ve tried to replace you about a million times
There are always too many hills to climb
I know I’m old but I’m still in my prime

I wish one day I could be your valentine
For just a day or two
It’d be enough to be around you
And just kill some time
Cuz I know you will never be mine
And there’s not much I can do

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Captive

I’d join your corps
Your lips can be the shore
I’m open to explore

The boat can capsize
Kisses instead of cries
Not many words we’ll vocalize

Are you ready for more
Something you’ve never had before
I want it all plus an encore

Forget that cigarette
We don’t need a corvette
Tho I would go into debt

Held captive under no demand
I’ve never been to his homeland
I heard he even has a band

Days on end I go no sleep
There’s treasures in the ocean deep
If he’s the farmer, we are his sheep

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Last Rites

I think I’ve lost my appetite
Please administrator my last rites
Say a prayer or improvise
Say it quick before I die
My breath has ceased, my chest is tight
Love feels like a parasite
My friend she broke to suicide
Now in no one I can confide
But in him I see the light
It feels alot like paradise
If I don’t cool down I might ignite!
It’s possible I might die tonight
Please administrator my last rites
I surrender, there’s no will to fight

© Delia Ross. 2019

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My Son Part 3: Half of Her Life

“The being he’s been waiting for has just opened her eyes.
There was a feeling of dread, but not a look of surprise.
He knew her at first site but she did not know his face,
He had his work cut out for him, her memory to replace.
A man who was a monster had perfected an art,
to bring back the dead and do it with just one body part.
Her husband had brought in a container of red,
and there was no touch of guilt or second thought in his head.
He would have her love,
the one who went away.
The one who made a promise,
half of her, the body, but the mind decayed.
And as the weeks past, he fed her the past.
But the scars on her wrists were given no fact,
He said she must got them from broken windows or barbed wire,
the blood covered furniture and clothes went into the fire.
She ate it all up and her husband was content,
He didn’t have it all, but it was worth what he spent.
But every so often, his memory took him to,
the horrible consequences of the life he would choose.
But he would still have her love,
and he would get her back slowly.
She would forget her promise,
half of her, man-made, and surely unholy.
But she always grew restless when he wasn’t around.
When she closed her eyes and tried hard no explanation was found.
Then wandered into a room where the standing mirror was stashed,
and too her surprise, it wasn’t her in the glass.
But it looked as if it was a younger look-a-like.
And the image moved it lips, spoke and had a voice like a spike.
She would show off her arms and reveal no scars,
and she’d tell her of the real reason that her memories depart.
“He just wanted your love;
did he mention your son?
I can see not by the look in your eyes”
Half of her, other in the mirror, she couldn’t shun.
She confronted her husband with the story she heard,
and he just stood still and spoke not a word.
And without even thinking twice gathered all the mirrors,
and locked them in the basement to hide from his fears.
And in fury, he jumped on her, strangled her, bashed her head.
But you know you can’t kill what is already dead!
The tears in his eyes, he couldn’t bare that she knew the truth,
He passed out from exhaustion and she took him to his room.
He just wanted her love,
and now it was falling apart.
But she wandered to the basement of mirrors,
Half-and-half brought together from the dark.
He awoke and the memories came back,
so slow he had to catch his breath.
But he heard laughing in the dining room,
He rushed into to see pictures of a bride and groom.
His lovely wife regained her mind,
and forgave her love for she knew he meant right.
And they sat together and laughed without shivers,
looking for hours at wedding pictures.
He just wanted her love,
and he had found it at last.
The deeds may have been in sin,
More or less, who’s to guess?
With or without a son,
they sealed their love with a kiss.
Because the promise was built on their love,
two halves, sown together, at the wrists”.

© Delia Ross. 2010

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Things of Note by PoeEternal

Bits of pieces here & there. Thoughts. Ideas. Microwords.

I feel like watching you smile is one of the most beautiful things I can witness in life.

If you can’t have it, dream about it. Fantasize. Talk to yourself. Loneliness is a state, not a being. Be one with it.

Love. Even when you can’t.

Forgiveness isn’t hard. Ego is.

You’re one second away from being older. Cherish the new.

The walls we build around us to keep the sadness out also keeps out the joy.

I swear on my soul every time you smile a new galaxy is born. I can feel the after shocks in my heart. Even the Sun has sworn. Look how it shines on you.

You wear revenge on your heart.

Black soul, Black hole
Not much of a difference I know
Like a mold it will grow

It’s not too late to finish what you started.

Feasting on single lane, leaving darkness for tomorrow
Getting wasted on joy instead, I’m sick of all this sorrow
Skipping down single lane, I’ve nothing you can borrow

LOVE IS THE GREATEST CROWN, There’s no trouble here this part of town

He’s my favorite season of them all.

Everyone keeps asking me what it is I do. Well, I’m in the pursuit for happiness. Aren’t you?

Oh my tummy tum tum
Is growling like it wants some rum
I guess I better give it some….

You give what you take and you take what you give
I’m so tired of this mourning and I just want to live

Taking a break from my woes.

Did you know you could break me like glass?

Empty as a bottle.

Sometimes I need someone to disconnect with.

So evading these lines
I’ve tried to forget a thousand times
Feeling better about end days
And even less about rhyme

His voice puts movement in my heart.

But this one cut me deep like steel
I don’t know if I can ever heal

It hurts
These years they tend to cut
More challenges than it’s worth

It’s like a gunshot to the soul
CRUSH

Boys & misfortune are of most importance

Make me immortal so I can sleep forever.

My moral compass may be broken.

More cancelled invitations
I get the most in the nation

Shots of rum in my freezer
Make me less of an appeaser

I’m working on borrowed time.

I’m ready, not able
I’m under the weather and need to get stable

On and on silence is your war

He uses love like a seed
To pit in you jealousy & greed

To fight so hard for freedom
Years for liberty
Can anyone see me?

Lu once told me, all I had to do was prey.

Said you never loved
and you love me now
But you’re saying that
As you’re saying ciao

I left him lying
The trouble with love it’s trying
But don’t stick it out with a man who keeps you crying
His mouth is rot he’ll only keep denying
That’s his plan to slowly watch you dying
I never met a beast more terrifying

But why do good girls always come last?

My heart is a poet. Every beat is a syllable. Poetry its soul. I am but a poem waiting to be rhymed. Slow goes it.

You’ll soon be guest of honor at the crematorium.

Pain may appear closer in mirror.

Actually, I’m not angry. I’m fueled with intelligence and wit. I will smack thee with a mirror and say BEHOLD, SCUM. CLEAN THYSELF! 😉

© Delia Ross. 2019

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The Serpent

Monster’s exist
Inside you
Inside those cold blues
What’s next on your checklist
Like a serpent you untwist
Unclinch your fists
You add no value
You’ve been dismissed
No point in an argue
And still you hissed
You are not part of my crew
I’m pissed we kissed
I need my time to regroup
So this is it
No more curses to spew
It’s time you quit
Your life is under review

© Delia Ross. 2019