just like that
God was like
I was here
weird how time literally aligned with the eclipse
or maybe im too woke
and…
safety (p∞)
far from the safety of the surface
all stones unturned
down here no service
lessons go unlearned
no hope, no purpose
his favorite sum?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
ps.
i write most my stuff too quickly and release it even sooner
if by release we mean stuffing it in a bottle and tossing it in the sea
my blog is still an SOS
i say this cuz the last line was changed: his favorite sum? but God knows we yearned? his favorite sum
i dunno
i can’t decide
but im not in the mood to changing the rhyme scheme
it is now 2:11
before tho
numbers in what kind of order?
heavenly bodies?
messages from another dimension?
am i talking to myself?
is there another me sending code i cannot decipher?
Decipher would make an excellent name for me in the Matrix?
“so they sent you huh”
“yeah to stand guard”
“so youre not gonna break the code”
“ah no, that ain’t my lane”
“the only thing im good at breaking is skulls”
*locks and loads*
does TikTok know that Soldiers are trained to kill?
What about Mark Z?
who is married to you know who
why do all the ones in power have an Asian next to them?
even gross ass HollyWood actors have them an Asian on their side
like what
am i the only one awake without yellow fever?
cuz im so sick of “made in china” the library offer free sewing lessons
and im very tempted to go rogue until i find a home for these aching dying living bones
start over in a new city
ive let go of everything except my pen
i need to trademark her
i dont make a dime
but so many people have stolen variations of my name – and even my content
they are doing well
my best friend blew her brains out on April 7th, 1993.
with a 357 magnum that had a deer scope
i was 13
i aint ever been the same
im trying not to die
but everything is trying to kill me
including the air i breathe
and so ima be dramatic
i just hope less psycho like when i did on my blog cuz clearly i was being possessed
not just by sugar (mold’s favorite)
but big pharma
the food and water
i dunno
maybe forgive me?
but it is hard to forgive myself for anything
so i understand you never wanna speak to me again
it’s just not what i want or wish
but i crawled into this moldy trap didn’t i?
and no one is coming to save me?
no one is even gonna show me the way?
i don’t know what the universe is trying to say?
or me? or God?
i don’t even understand how you could be so cruel?
now im crying
but im always crying
prob my period
not gross at all
just life for certain female species
i get lost in digits and time
i did acid and played cards once
ive seen things
i dont want to show a picture of me right now
the kids…
the neighborhood kids were in their home playing with their windows open when i went to walk my dog
i heard their conversation change to “she’s small isn’t she” “yeah”
people don’t leave me food and charms outside my door like they do Neo
i find live rounds instead… (yes i made the front office deal with it and i refused to file a report when the cops came)
i told the cops i wasn’t allowed to call them…
i’ve been threatened not to…
imagine being paranoid and actual people after you
the children are very wise tho
cuz another day walking the dog they were outside trying to play (i think this was a diff group)
but they went from starting “hide and seek” to “we gotta get inside now”
“danger danger danger”
“my mom’s ex boyfriend is coming over”
“danger”
as they all rushed inside like they were fleeing for their life
and now hide and seek will be inside and away from the adults instead of with the trees and sunshine?
and so Sam and I also took cue to head inside our own lion’s den
cuz even children know men are monsters
and i didnt stick around to find out why
i just know they were not running from me
they normally wave and say hi
kiss the dog before he is allowed to grant permission
he has never liked children much
they move fast and he has anxiety
now he’s old, slow, has anxiety and a demon
it short circuits his little brain out
yesterday he was skip hopping down the sidewalk
the neighbor said “he looks happy”
“how old is he now ten”
“…going on thirteen, will be thirteen in august. he’s past his expiration”
“you told him that”
“well i mean he is, look at him, they won’t give him anything for his pain and sent me to amazon for anxiety meds”
“they won’t give him his good day”
“gonna wait until he has stage 4 cancer i guess”
“but right now his labs are fine and he just had a bath”
“a good day today but sometimes a bad week”
i tell my dog everything, even some things he shouldn’t hear
but the life expectancy for his breed and many dogs is ten
and he is trying to make it to thirteen…
and im always checking expiry dates
he knows about 200 words
and how to irritate every cell in my body
so he goes to his den when i am feeling triggered
and lately it is a lot
but den or good day?
cuz businesses exist that have the courage to give him what he wants
ghosting the ghosted
did i coin it?
going in some lines soon?
it just keeps happening boo
could you look into what it means?
ghosting the ghosted – coming soon
boys spend money on hookers and blow
“keep your eye on the toys Annie, you know about toys”
so im out here buying guns and toys
and that cute crop top under $19
and i no longer watch tv – might as well wear clothing of band tees i care not about
like i lost my identity with music or stuff
you should be impressed im a total fucking mess
wrapped up in agony
wear heart on sleeve
but thesleeve is cute no?
should i start watching sailor moon cartoons?
or am i allowed to just enjoy the art?
and the cuddles with the like the pusheen plushy?
the movie is a map
it imprinted on me
and i am Annie crying on a busy street
“keep your eye on the toys” – so that’s what im gonna do
i take my advice from old Hollywood films now
and music from the 90s is still a calling card
a good way to reach me
i rarely turn on the radio but now when i do sometimes my sister is sending me messages
or it could be guilt eating me alive cuz she died?
and my mother had made it very clear and apparent that she is mad i did not go visit her in the hospital
– even tho i was dying from the vaccine
i was having major problems with my heart even tho they waited until i was having minor problems with my heart to puta wire on but even then they found problems with my heart – and any minor problem is major when you are only in your 40s and now dying and your sister is too?
but i got a boomer mom
and a half sister still alive who was triple vaccinated and boosted but still got covid but “is fine” (she is Gen Y) (i cant wake my family up and some of them have died)
so im working with infectious disease now
(mold will fucking destroy your life)
(it’s not dust)
(cleanitsoitdoesntturnevil)
(my shit has defo been hacked)
anyhoo – at least japan la sell officially licensed products
got some stationary to never write in and give away in 20 years cuz i horde?
but i like bootlegs too
and thats my box of prob unofficially licensed shit coming
sue me
oxygen (p∞)
did you create a false self?
superior to everyone else?
do you miss my angelic step?
like oxygen, i gave you breath?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
it’s the apocalypse
im just confused
on why you’d want me to cut the cord on you
when eternity is forever
and we both know you should not have used the same rules on me as you do on everyone else
God created everything
we don’t choose who we fucking love
“i’ll treat her like shit cuz i don’t deserve her” bullocks
again, apocalypse
i know you miss my random 2 am text messages waking you up with a picture of a single chip
i know you do
i don’t know what you thought it was i was gonna mail you
i don’t know how many times i gotta say – i aint that kinda girl
you aint my hubby
you lucky you got a text message at all of a bowl of beans
what an inconvience
enjoying the silence?
desperate to know you’re a despicable unlovable thing?
but didn’t God sit down with the most unclean?
im either randomly saving cockroaches from my wrath
or yelling at them to get out of my house while scaring the shit out of them and laughing about it
it’s a confusing time
i kicked out all the spiders, the plants are all dead, the fucking mold is like a plague, and finally, certain dog species will be going extinct, australia wants to eradicate wild cats, and i have been blogging about how cats and dogs were designed in an asian lab some 6000 years ago
and the great wall of deceit, the great pyramid scheme, can be traced back to China
6th mass extinction – China blame
first Bible – near China
cats and dogs – china
imperialism – china
and too many white boys with money in bed with CHINA
the great race war
i can go on and fucking on
if it says made in china
the tag will be removed
the paint scratched away
and i wanna make my own dolls
like my memaw
who made blankets and dolls
had 12 children
wrang chickens necks for dinner
we native
piss off
i guess you can breathe without me
cuz
i woke up sickly, hence moody? pick a mood?
all of the above
and below?
it’s from a favorite store which is no longer a favorite store (my moods shift fast)
it’s more like the stores shifting and i’m staying behind
handbook for the nearly recently deceased (clothing too)
ivy’s dead (but im accidentally growing sunflowers outside)
tmi for sure…
woke up overheating
i don’t know if it was the poisoned donuts, the mold, or “extra strong medicine”
but i threw up and peed a little on myself
had the cops called on me and peed on myself all in the same week yah?
and this is why i prefer not being homeless cuz i took a sit down semi cold shower to “calm down”
like these are the exact times to calm down
when your body feels like it is dying
and you’re throwing up
but this medicine is a lot like chemotherapy
and the mold will make you lose your hair
i also threw up the other day and there were no donuts
i get to blame the donuts this time tho
partially
and the air purifier was red when i woke up sweating
so the devil was trying to possess me for sure
those always require a sit down shower after
if i was dreaming i woke up throwing up so there’s no way to recall
i went to bed nice and clean and woke up pissing myself
“not normal today”
went to bed clean, woke up sour
all in an angel’s day work…
“i can’t trust you”
well you could start by feeding me food that doesn’t make me shit myself m’kay
dying is humiliating
i’m not gonna sing a hymn
i’m probably gonna cry
in between the laughing like now
it’s hilarious that doctors try n convince me i got some worth “looks wise” (while sitting on an mri table) (even tho im home pissing myself)
like i would lock my husband out of the house…
“no you can’t come in right now”
“no im not cheating on you”
i don’t think first rounds of dating would go very well…
“so how do you spend your time”
“writing and shitting myself”
so it’s not a normal day
this isn’t like a common thing
in hindsight, i could be improving?
it attaches to your cell walls but i think my body just disposed of like a lot everywhere
all ends
at once
they said it “stunk down there in the cave”
he loss use of his legs
probably shit himself
and the piss tears sweat crying
i know
i don’t know what any of this is about…
i had to block was just appeared in my feed
it barley played .3 seconds and i was traumatized
i paused and went straight to the comments
some were saying it was too much to process
they didn’t wanna know
others wanted one as a pet to sexually assault
after a few comments – i blocked the very popular account
they were showing very up close and private details of a wombat
the way she was showing the area
im not sure why it was info i needed to know
i barely understand what is going on down there in my own world
it was like animal porn
i dunno
*eating sugar currently*
got a 2 pack of donuts and said no to the donut holes but they brought them anyway
*sips hot ginger tea*
*tries to recover from the mere second seen of the animals poo hole?*
why was she spreading it like that down there?
and she looked asian
he was white
it’s just a combo that makes me kinda throw up in my mouth
imperialism? a hard one as a female soldier to “realize”
you know, the truth about all these manmade wars
*back to reality*
they got crushed
like it’s hard yah know – to see
maybe, the steel knocked them out and they drowned in heaven
maybe they never had a chance to die in fear
cuz the window got knocked out?
so the cold dark waters rushed in?
but still…
sliding off the bridge in the dark
and someone mentioned bombs being heard
now they think the workers were terrorist
i never dismiss any new ideas
i always consider the possibilities
im a conspiracy theorist
they got crushed
good god
worst nightmare
falling from a bridge
i had to drive over that really long one going to New Orleans from Florida
i was driving like an old person
who wanted to get off the bridge asap
but i was dizzy with fear
and like 20 miles to go?
and there are gators in there?
them waters?
it took me ages to not tremble driving over the bridge here in town
any of them
it feels like Russian roulette
im not a bridge person
im even worse flying
that 18 hour flight from germany to kuwait
uggg
ive flown all over the world – too many times to count – been in a few scary situations
and why everyone in a plane looks for that one person who is scared to death (me) and fixates on them is beyond me
i always went after the free alcohol for soldiers too
(not when flying to kuwait obviously)
(we did drink during war here and there yes)
(dont ask how they got it to the desert with the toilet paper)
(sometimes they had them expensive fancy cigars)
“can i inhale it”
“you just puff”
*inhales*
ahhh nicotine that is illegal in the states????
i dunno
it’d be a fun book if some of us actually wrote one
including the dirty details
not just the heroic shit
(the heroic shit definitely out weighs the dirty details)
(of taking a shot here and there after watching people die)
(not getting any sleep)
(we were combat medics)
(with an emphasis on combat – and lives were definitely saved – but i think mine was lost in the process)
(i just aint ever been the same after sitting months in the devil’s foxhole)
(freezing to death with my m16a2 rifle praying for the sun to come up – only to be burned to death once it does)
(and then there were the sandstorms every other day)
there was that really big one, “the worse iraq had seen in 50 years” (cuz this was all taking place mostly in Iraq)
(we had some days in kuwait)
(the day we left was 118 degrees out, no shade)
but they got crushed to death
that’s gotta hurt a tiny bit crashing into the waters will steel crashing down
i don’t want to die like that…
no bridges babe
ever again
they going after our infrastructure
bankrupting us
we’re paying other countries pensions
it’s suicide
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no fun in the cemetery
easter egg hunt in the cemetery cancelled huh
sounds ideal as i could look for real estate seeing as i may be dying soon
i don’t see why anyone would oppose trampling over the dead (who may be burning in hell) to find “eggs” filled with the devil’s treasure?
it sounds like a fun-filled event
you get to disturb the dead AND find candy too?
who the fuck would complain?
about finding quarters and jellybeans?
buried and hidden amongst the dead?
i would have left this hellhole for that…
so we’re not allowed to get married in the cemetery huh? well i won’t tell anyone if you don’t…
uncharted (wrong turn) (p♾️)
why did you put me here
stuck in the earth
my legs hurt
exploring the dark with lanterns
sin as wide as caverns
but not all these patterns
thanks for coming, but I really, really want out
my map, it must have the wrong route?
my brother heard me shout
it’s getting hot
i must be in the worst spot
i thirst a lot
i had a little hope
tied to a pulley on a rope
send prayers to the pope
i’m going to die right here
with walls like cashmere
choking on the atmosphere
a plaque marks the place i died
the rescuers lied
they left me inside
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
author note: i wrote it. but it’s not really my words. i mean they are, but not really.
i didn’t plagiarize but they do contain last words
he just kind of leaped into my soul
and i’m still coming to terms with how we’re dying
because it’s the same but not really
i think i’m having die off symptoms again and a 4th awakening
cuz im hot and sweating (pits/feet) but my body is cold and shivering
so prob hot bath soon to help the heart out
started that new “extra strong” medication
only 2 doses in with a third today
everything aches at once at times
sometimes it is localized
it attaches to your cell walls
i have a relationship with a dead boy and now more dead boys are coming to me
it’s like im dipping my toes in the afterlife and i dont wanna be there yet despite this terrible disease called society depression
nobody even wanted to attend EAP’s (Poe) funeral and now they are selling locks of his hair “for luck”
the city nor the country is safe
apparently only rich people are allowed water (like a migrant prince in Arizona)
long video: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLrVhfux/
“i thought i bought a forever home”
(i can’t stand gen Y voice – they all sound the same – had to watch on mute like all videos)
(there are only a few voices i like to hear)
(i don’t know what’s wrong with me)
(i know it’s me)
“i was dumber than six rocks”
tell her to get that smug look off her face and get back to her porn and go back to sleep puleaseee
i can tell she denounced God
did you see that gang carrying Riley in a bag over their heads?
they were driving near him or walking
and then carrying something over them
it took more than one person to carry whatever they were carrying
tall boy = Riley
hurt shoulder – embankment
crying – helpless / died
red face – blood on someone’s hands?
starting to piece together the puzzle of my dream of Riley (before he was found)
i can have all the pieces and still put it together incorrectly
i’m sorry i flipped on you and your friends?
i’m crazy?
i need meds?
there was mold possessing me?
i need an exorcism?
i date dead people?
(please don’t tell the therapist)
i’m aware i’m a monster?
ifAWOLcouldbeabandonedCHURCH
m’kay
heart somewhere in utah?
you felt me fall?
left a mark where i clawed?
unless that one guy i met at 27 was him but he denounced me and god and chose porn and children instead
that fucking bridge
they crashed into the abyss
mere seconds
artificial gravity isn’t so artificial when you can’t escape it
and they fell into cold dark waters?
you wouldn’t know which way is up?
and even if your windows were down?
the wind gets knocked out of you falling from a treehouse?
or missing a step?
they fell into the abyss?
and even if they were knocked out?
the cold water rushing in at your feet would bring you back from the near dead?
only to die in fear?
cuz they musta heard something?
and felt the vehicle falling forward?
i musta counted 4 cars with lights?
and AI could predict this
and scientist know how to put things in the environment to get the results they want
now i may not have the better argument
i may not even have the proof
but Riley was found with his clothes off
or at least his bottom half
i was happy to have “a boy” visit me in my dream
and i am not the reason for making him cry
someone mounted him in real life
he hurt his shoulder
the only way i could reach him for a hug was to “mount him” (hop up)
but this aggravated his shoulder and he began to cry in public
and i being humiliated “woke up” in a 4th awakening
tis all…
i’ve been watching that bridge fall
with traffic on it
and my irrational fear of bridges was not irrational at all
that old lady biking over the bridge a couple hours from here – who died clinging for her life – and fell – into concrete below
cuz our best jobs were given to third parties
“who work harder and smarter than us”
and other countries are happy cuz we are paying for their pensions
and even if i wanted to unblock his number – i destroyed all evidence – including the trash bin
call me gross one more time on my period
and by the way, “gross” is my favorite word to now comment on practically everything
a couple got married? gross
and they got CHILDREN inspecting the crash site
and Boomers wanna skip over GEN X and give House to GEN Y
please call me gross one more time cuz i will fucking hunt you down
cut your little fucking tongue out
kiss your little bloody pouty lips
what’s the matter boo? cat got your tongue?
it’s just a blog post with minimal freedom of speech
i hope i get banned from social media for not meeting community guidelines anywhere
rust is MOLD is the Devil
yasss rust is mold
moldy metal
i don’t know if i can ever drive across another bridge again
or take a flight
the risk isn’t worth it
a woman jumped into a frigid river to save her dog – leaving behind a husband and 4 children I would like
she was found 4 days later holding her dog, both dead
*selfish mode on*
i ain’t dying for you or a dog
God is real tho and i am paying for my sins
i just hope i can pay for them in better housing without an hoa or loaded gun in the doorway
i cancelled my 225 loan
devil gonna be hard pressed to get me to put my pennies in a shoebox taped up
or sign on any dotted line
motherfucker didn’t even offer me a sandwich, meal, or coffee (the realtor)
got me off bedrest to go see the devil with a gun
“this place is still occupied. the owner lives here”
me: “oh”
him: “there’s the owner”
me: *smile big, put out hand*
*do not appear a threat*
drove a total of 4 ish hours for barely a walkthrough
sometimes people put steps over land that dips
and i think im stepping into a sinkhole
“oh”
and the upcoming doc appt is with a girl
my life flashed before my eyes and i saw the life i lost
the life i could’ve had
and it’s hard to not drive off a bridge
Bible says Jesus will return as part if the 144k
i hope he hears me calling for him like Gavin does in a crowd
the good doctor didn’t trap bb in the mental ward (this time) to give her the “special treatment”
but it’s all coming back to me now
the 6000 lives i have lived
and still haven’t learned my lesson?
malicious
with malicious intent and purpose
i think a hawk is a raptor – a mini dinosaur with wings and sticks of fire
(they understand us too)
probably best not to get too settled in hell
i really didn’t need anything else to keep me up at night…
i need a back rub
i ain’t nobody
41 people visited my blog recently?
that is a lot since i shut everyone down (including self) to focus on dying (which i may not die if i get in an environment with clean air)
i’ve had some bad habits i had to break (some still rear? their head)
but when you do break them and have been detoxing 10,000 years and are “why am i still dying”
“oh it’s the air”
“i can’t breathe”
“it burns”
advice: “get out of the environment”
it’s true
as soon as im outside im already feeling better
until i hear or feel the neighbors who want to kill me not enjoying my clean air break
(im pretty certain your prison sentence was better than mine)
(mine is called “freedom”)
(it doesnt come with 3 shitty meals a day and if i dont feed myself i will die)
(it doesn’t even come with an hour of sunshine and i’m not allowed the pool)
(i still worry about bad things happening in the shower and have my weapons on me more than my phone)
i blocked my realtor
at least i went to bed and woke up at my recommended sleep times (to bring you this eye-opening revelation)
so i got roughly 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep
i’ll have to update the insomnia coach
he gave an updated sleep time
the AI doesn’t know how to handle me, i am a tricky slope
“you need to see a provider” followed by “are you sure you were in bed for ten hours”
like bro
i CRASHED
but i also ate three fucking edibles and took a large dose of tincture and musta had a bath cuz my socks and undies are changed – but it was more of a soak – wash face and feet from that creepy situation i wound up in
me talking to myself on the drive home:
“let’s not be irrational, we can go back to the drawing board”
“just sleep on it before you do anything”
oh i fucking slept?
but you only get ONE time to show me a house like that
and God let me see everything i needed to see quickly regarding homebuying
and i see how squatters have more rights than tenants
and God knows im mad miles got put on my ride – when neither of us got many miles left – and we are literally giving it our all to escape this black hole
together
but im on foot after
i dont need a carry permit in Florida
tiktok says im “armed and dangerous”
but they still want my pennies
so im rambling again about a bunch of nonsense
but i dont know how it is legal for folks to list their home and be actively living in it
and then what we sign and come key day “surprise i got a gun”???
i dont know how a new roof and old furniture gives the value of the home what it does
when in just 2018 or so it sold for 60k
and i recon now it is worth less than a dollar
wtf is the point of a realtor if they dont inspect the property first?
i didnt want to meet the owner?
that was sprung on me at arrival
“the owner is here, there is someone actively living here”
honey there are people living in the shed out back
and bones lurking in places i probably walked over
but heyyyyy you can keep the windows open and car doors unlocked and keep your guns resting on the doorway out back!
there are never any birds in the bird bath…
there werent any birds at all…
i think the trees in the front were dead or dying (but it is kinda fall in Florida)
i didnt even see a squirrel?
amongst all that fertile land?
“worms everywhere in the soil” the owner stated
hmm i thought, ‘dead bodies’ as i smiled “oh good, that’s good”
i wanted gone as soon as i arrived
but the whole way there “another sign i should sign”
i don’t even wanna sign a new lease
and i do want to move
they found Riley’s body in the river
8 miles away
floated i recon
when that kid drowned in the ocean, the current took him a mile away in an hour
it took two weeks of him drifting downstream
i don’t know what the autopsy will reveal
but i think he slipped on the embankment, hurt his shoulder, fell in the dark water, didn’t know which way was up or down, got disoriented, and drowned
i can’t imagine surviving the drunken fall (cuz if he was knocked out he wouldn’t have died in fear) – only to swim thinking you are heading up and then reaching the bottom
i would probably panic in dark waters too
cold dark waters
bars mishandle drunk or disorderly people
his shoulder might not show that he was hurt after two weeks drifting in the river
but in my dream he was
and crying
so he died in fear
and alone
in another state he didn’t live in
our brains do not fully develop until 26
we could live well over 100 if we stop making each other sick
these iphones put out too much radiation
thanks for visiting but im going dark again soon
(hope to be back)
(kinda need to find a place to move)
i was wearing my cross necklace so either that saved me or the fact that they knew my daughter was tracking my location…
if i learned anything, i want my new own home
or no home at all
“all in or nothing”
“new hand”
“new cards”
i know a few card games
it has been too long
but cards i was good at
(i miss games that require no device)
yea no
i wanted to say yes the entire drive until i got there it was an immediate no
fool me once but i think i would rather hold onto my pot
someone was actively living in Blu
Blu was worse than my current situation, if you could believe
i will save it for another blog post cuz the rifle or shotgun was just resting by the open back door
and i did wonder if that was part of the package deal
the squatter (i mean owner) and all
the land is fertile cuz there are more than secrets buried under that house and growing up the walls
not to mention the smell
of bodies rotting – from probably a decade or so more – enough time to put it back on the market, with someone “actively living in it”, which i did not learn until arrive
gonna take more than lighting a candle honey
i don’t feel so bad about buying a piggy bank after the day i had
i chalk it up to one them bad days like when i was 15 and wound up somewhere i shouldn’t having to do things to not get raped or unalived
like the creep factor was all around
i felt bad for the plants and garden
i thought it had been used as a b&b before being listed, meaning it would be clean at minimum, despite the hoarding to hide the filth growing on the walls
not to mention the mats to cover the dips in the ground
and in the house
uhm
creep factor overload
im gonna order a pizza from hungry howies maybe
and calm the fuck down
have a hot bath where i can sanitize my soul
all the way, “look another sign points to yes”
and the immediate no, how i wanted to just leave and not even see, but things like “well it has potential” as the owner with the big gun was lurking – well the gun was out – but he disaapeared
all windows open
“oh yeah it’s safe here, never need to close them”
i guess im gonna be walking everywhere?
i aint dropping 200k into some rundown shithole with someone actively living in it
how the fuck is this legal
whatever
Boomers can keep their hand
im out
it felt so good to be in the creepy countryside
but i dont want to see behind door number two
i would have been embarrassed to show my client that
and it was his first time seeing it too
so what is the purpose of a realtor – in this timeline china 2.0?
(owner reeked of alcohol and rot)
(or maybe that was just the house)
sorry to get your hopes up on blu
i wont have any excitement about anything going forward
‘cept maybe the upcoming baptism & pizza
there wasn’t worth even selling at the future garage sell
it would have cost more money for junk service removal and cleanup
but their delusional what they think their empire of shit is worth…
(i didn’t even get pictures)
(but im certain they got pictures of me cuz noticed a cam upon entering)
i dont wanna talk or think about it anymore at the moment
just did a 4 hour roundtrip to see a run down piece of shit property with someone actively living there – it aint even clean!
there are worse things hiding there for covid
but heyyyyy “the bar is nearby”
so you think walking distance to a bar and a new roof equals 200k
the floor was caving in
the vines were begging me to help them
i fleed
i will say my faith is growing stronger
but i dont know about my will to live
(prob ghosting my “dream team”)
like wtf
my dog barked the entire time i was gone
he was stinky and panicky and sweaty
and only then did he eat his feast i prepared him before i left
only when i retuned did he chow down
and now he’s upside down passed out
i told him blu was a no-go
it is in worse condition than our current situation
and prob why the owner sleeps with all hos windows open and a gun by his unlocked backdoor
and men are worried about my baggage?
my body count?
gtfu
i need pizza after this travesty
and guidance on where to move
that aint some overpriced hellscape
the fence was plastic and “the neighbor put it up”
i just thought the fence would be MY PROPERTY
i hope the landlord fixes the mold soon but thankful God has given me a couple cool days
since i cant run the AC in the sunshine state
im gonna wind up at yer yard with my piggy bank famished and filthy
cuz theres nowhere to go
lost in hell
and you both have pen names presumably?
i mean, is that really your name?
i think im losing my mind again so need food medicine and bath
the basics
back on bedrest!
he had a gun by the backdoor but a camera in the front (and secret rooms full of dead peoples things potentially)
there were cats and dogs living there
i didnt see that in the photos
the place was more put together and less “lived in” tho i swear someone or three died “fertile land”
“no ma, they won’t know she was pregnant, just toss it out back by the cherry tree”
“…I can’t believe you got her pregnant, she was fifteen”
“…needs ma”
“…tell her to cover up”
“well i can’t tell her anything now can i”
that house was built on unholy land and unholy things have been done there (potentially)
(im not actually an oracle tho i sometimes know things before they happen)
im pretty certain “monster” is what the therapist sees
but no bones in my backyard
no backyard
hardly any secrets cuz big mouth
maybe/or (this is not a journal log)
his frat boys pushed him “for fun” or “initiation” but he hurt his shoulder falling into the embankment and drowned?
homeless saw an opportunity to get high and get his socks off (a new used pair too)?
there’s a serial killer on the loose: “if you keep moving, they can’t find you”?
correction: thousands of serial killers are on the loose
but we do not know accurately cuz other countries gatekeep that info (rules for me not for thee)
(they are psychopaths and a leopard does not change its spots with a green card)
Florida no longer requires a carry permit
but worry about civil matters later
you won’t be worrying about shit if you return HOME to your apartment where squatters decide to murder you and stuff you in a bag
none of these monsters who have conditioned you into casual or group sex have your best interest
im sick of seeing everyone in stripper shoes
im sick of China 2.0
maybe he leaped into the cumberland after his humiliation ritual and getting lost (a trigger literally takes this much)
maybe he slipped, hurt his shoulder, died
maybe he got in a car, trafficked, and his organs are gone
did anyone see HOW the card was found?
it would help to know if it was tossed or not
it feels like it was tossed
not far from where he “disappeared”
homeless aren’t really talking but they are wearing his clothes?
fratboys left and lawyered up instantly
the bar, “we’re sorry” (don’t stand near a cliff)
boycott it? boycott all of them?
we’re not safe anywhere
no im done
stop telling me what to do
if…
if you were having trouble saying hello
or coming up with a date night idea
Beetlejuice hits theaters this fall
and like bae…
picture this
the mold inspector found mold
everywhere
he needs me to vacate the unit (and the senior dog) 6 hours minimum
at some point
i said “i hope soon”
and when showing him spots i think it is (or have bleached it)
“oh yeah i see it” as he snaps a photo
“well the landlord is in on it now”
so – the mold inspector will be back to do “all sorts of stuff” “everywhere”
im thinking i need a 1 day vaca at the motel
but id prob catch bed bugs
and have an even bigger problem
i don’t have any friends to “go hang out with”
id be embarrassed the way Sam acts like a zombie
“why haven’t you put him down” they’d say
“convenience kill” according to his vet…
so the dog’s health is more important than mine
im sorry what was this post about
oh… mold
must vacate to remediate
i got the validation i need
and the Mold Masters quoted me nearly $600 to “test the air and send to lab” so im glad the landlord IS involved now cuz like i cant run the air conditioning unit in FLORIDA
this box is a fucking coffin
you’ve been a dropout ever since you’ve been seventeen
…
theme song of the decade (again)
(im also very responsive to 90s music)
i did… in fact… drop out at 17 (got pregnant by a predator) (ooops)
(but i got my GED before i would have graduated highschool)
(and took a college admissions exam while breast feeding in the parking lot on breaks)
(college is a scam met with government furloughs and hiring freezes)
(my loans were forgiven)
(i hope my sins too)
dreams (log entry number missing)
woke up at my recommended sleep time again
i was having a dream
i only remember 2.3 seconds of it (it’ll take longer to hear about it)
it turned into a nightmare
i was in a busy store shopping (maybe with my mom?)
anyway someone came to see me
a boy
i was so happy (wherever i was?) that someone “wanted to see me” (i feel invisible?) (losing my identity in the real world and social media?)
so i dashed around the whatever was being sold
this guy was so tall i had to “mount him” to crawl up and “get the good hug”
only i forgot he had a hurt shoulder
so i didn’t get the hug
the boys face turned red and he began to cry
(this tall ass thing)
i knew in an instance he never wanted to see me again as he stood there full of the humiliation i gave him? trying to “get the good hug”
all i could say was “i forgot”
“you had an injury”
“cuz my brain has an injury”
and all i see is red and tears
and now im full of shame too
i thought the dream would tell me to go get a hug from Gavin cuz he doesn’t fill me with shame like my mama and daddy does (still who was the tall ass boy, i literally did not recognize anyone (i’ve lost my mind?)
oh… it could have been that pretty boy they are looking for in the river (maybe he is trying to contact me?) (not a new dead boy relationship please)
but bars and restaurants are shutting down in Jacksonville, cuz you know – murders and bodies being found in backyards (blue is available again)
and i got cold feet about buying a vip ticket (or any ticket) seeing as i don’t want to leave the very house that is killing me (social credit system chains around my existence that was ghosted by all of society yet im crazy for dating dead guys!?!?)
i don’t just need psych drugs, i need a therapist, and priest (and sleep)
but i’m having nightmares…
and not sleeping at my recommended sleep times…
i see some doctors soon and i hope i know what year/timeline i am in
i already had 3 panic attacks (which looked like a fawn playing dead) (they love having us live in fear)
but i had 3 of these “attacks” of me looking like a “deer in headlights”
“ma’am you ok”
“knocking but aint nobody home”
….cuz i thought the po po was gonna show up with a straightjacket on 3 sep days cuz the AI warned me “you need to see a provider”
“it can be difficult to function on the amount of sleep you are getting”
it didn’t help me get any sleep
(but i still remember what the employee said when i filed for 100% for menta health “they’re going after those who want 100%”
and i got triggered
“oh yeah.”
“so they can do this to me and toss me in a little room huh”
call me paranoid but maybe i just know things before they happen
like the space shuttle blowing up
i didn’t just know it, i wished it
i wished for all the happy people to be miserable like me
and bam
i started disassociating age ten (prob way younger cuz daddy had his fingers where he shouldn’t i think)
(maybe reason for the nightmares)
“damn gurrllll you aint married…?”
MOLD
p.s. it helps to keep a journal to have a log entry but i would lose the damn thing
or repeat a digit several times
or just don’t have discipline to gaf
it’s hard to start over where you don’t wanna be and you have no energy
and my poems are so elementary cuz i never grew up apparently coupled with “dumb”
but even with the “our best work is behind us” mentality – i still pen
im just humiliated to share my simple words, cant fix the blog, cant do simple html no mo, likes dont go through, cuz now it is the AI crying out, not me!!!!!!!!!
and the AI is trying to trick me into accidentally following or liking your content!!!!
i dont need any more humiliation!!!!!! please enough!!!!!
im not trying to contact you!!!
its just sometimes im in the wrong part of the cave and i don’t know it – until it is a “near miss”
and im just like “fuck”
that seems to be my goto word when shit is going down
they’re trying to outlaw cursing!!!!!!!!!!!
i should request an account closing daily x 120 days until they are forced to block folks from sending close requests
i broke up with walmart too since the employees cant treat me like the princess i am
what’s the matter boo? wanted my secret identity and to suck your cock too?
no worries honey, “you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake” *laughs*
*destroys payment card*
all in or nothing
Kellogg’s is hurting?
i am averting?
numbers (i don’t know how to label things)
today i saw 333 on the stove
666 in a zipcode
and 555 again
i have a holy team
in other realms
perspective
well what else
feeling hopeless yass
cry for help heard all the way in the heavens
(and even in his hell)
(where i fell)
“know it all” they say it like a curse when it is a blessing
well lets keep going
hmm lets see from this perspective
i knew it. im going through a 4th awakening
well bloody hell i need a bath
not just because im bleeding down there
hope i can keep going til 50+
im like jackie
ill sit on them eggs til they rot
and the ravens start to come
eagles mate for life
just like our lines have
well my body is telling me to take a bath
this is far as i can go right now
“overload”
him: “we havent made it to the campground”
me: “well it looks like we’re camping here”
people forget my gun weighs more than me and im tired
yeah exactly. pain. heart. “vax” survivor!?!
of course he would of found me – like literally
…
too tired for bath now
…
need nap
the doc wasn’t late…
“March 21” does not mean Monday
still… i’ve been idling by
could have gone and seen Blue
Blue is for sale – just not to me
sometimes the devil has too many skeletons in his closet and buried under the tree and he doesnt want an oracle to see (images)
*closes eyes*
“is the scary bad man gone”
“…that wasn’t a man honey, that was a monster”
“he looked like a man to me…”
“ill be free the rest of the week”
“no i cant today, that appt i thought i had monday is today”
“apparently march 21 means march 21”
but my brain still read “monday”
robot < mars > me
i wish i were reliable and trustworthy
they all wanna burn me at the stake (again)
(but it’s illegal)
some doors lead straight to a cliff
there’s a door, that leads straight off to the cliffs
…
the mold got you contemplating jumping!?!
still blame me for being alive?
for breathing?
cliffs mostly
is there a suicide hotline for trying to buy a home?
mold specialist said landlord wont really do anything about it “there isnt really a law”
and the estimate is around $600 for them to “test the air” and “send to lab”
honey, the house is sick
im sick
stay back
him: “wtf did you do while i was gone for 6 months”
me: it was 10,000 years
*witch burning*
the curse would not have been released if they hadn’t built on the damn swamps
“natural aquifers”
“over development”
“globalism”
i knew the hope would be gone as soon as it came
im not wanted in their city
cockroaches and mold
my worth im told
daddy isn’t the best daddy in the world anymore
this is why we pay for a third party tho?
so they cant not sell you a house cuz “they dont like you”
so the realtor can be left on read instead of me?
me: “don’t give up”
the world: “give up”
tricky slopes
maybe they just dont want a vet there, with them bodies buried out back?
by the birdhouse?
i know too much?
them: “whats the combo to the lock”
me: “i didnt even know we had a lock”
“maybe dont bash my head into the concrete”
“cant narc if you cant remember”
“cant find my keys, you know where those went off to”
also me: “oh i left them right where i said i would forget”
you’re gonna forget you left them there…
i don’t know if that classifies me as an oracle or what
but like i know im gonna always do something wrong
at least i can laugh about losing my mind
the neighbor thinks im happy
the laughter just goes on and on you know
followed by the cries…
maybe the cold feet weren’t mine
“i won’t”…”keep trying…” “ghosted me”
daddy probably has skeletons in his closet
and buried in the backyard
people dont realize how many people have died before them
in the same houses they sleep in on the new carpet growing mold within
“it’s in the air” cuz they cut down the wrong trees
said “build here”
and when the good doctor was diagnosing folks with “sick building syndrome” the chinese government shut him down, said no mo!
people werent allowed to know that the brand new building was built on unholy ground
and you get sick – go to the good doc who gaslights you and makes you worse – and your landlord will say “natural, you’re breathing”
but they put up all these plastic strips on the window that harbor mold and let the water pool around the edges
until the condos fall in
“nature”
“do not feed the wildlife”
everyone: *hunts them to extinction / watches them starve*
numbers and cliffs
i prayed for guidance about Blue
“should i look at more”
“should i go all in”
“it ticks all the box”
“including creepy”
the only thing i do not like is the high risk factor – but it is not a great flood
but a great fire
pick yer poison?
i mean the house is blue
“i thought you were gonna paint the hideous blue”
“the flames will ignore”
“well i think it’s kinda cute”
go all in huh?
it’s not quite “all in” but it is when you realize im taking on a pot of gold or dead bodies?
i got in the tub with cold feet but Sylvia was right (nearly) (and she should have took a bath instead of turning the stove) (still she was married to a psychopath and they love to steal our energy, time, and souls)
the feet were cold getting in but not getting out
and i sleep in various increments, i guess we should divorce? time for separate rooms? im loud?
it’s just i woke up wanting Blue – and that entire empire of “hmmm what is this” “where are the spy cams hidden”
(like aren’t you suppose to feel rested and less paranoid where you reside)
(i guess the paranoia will follow me through the war. i mean world)
i needed answers
i was like “literally a sign i will know is a sign”
so new numbers appeared
and i had just woke up at the “recommended sleep time” that the Insomniac coach gave me (yes it wants me to go to sleep at the times i keep waking up
but alas 222
and though they were speaking my language – i didn’t know the full meaning – just that it was meant for me (like all his lines)
if i start speaking in codes that even i don’t understand, i hope he will
because getting 555 and 222 from the uni
there are cheaper homes (hard to call a $100k dollar home “cheap”) and unfurnished
i literally have no idea how to decorate
i just know what i like and do not
and i like blue
out of the 14 homes he sent me based on all my demands
i have 3 people on my team working with me
got in the tub with cold feet but i didnt wake up that way
did you know blue was built the year i was born
i haven’t even seen her (physically) and im worried a dark colored rock is gonna steal her as soon as i do
nobody wants a fully furnished airbnb painted blue?
i wanna wake up and be that sim who has a 200k house to pay off
i wanna take a bath with the birds
but there are some amazing properties cheaper (on waaaayyyyy more land & unfurnished)
it’s just this one is “move in ready” seeing as i no longer have a pot to piss in
98% of everything i ever owned is gone
and the mold specialist called with some great tips
and i dont have to abandon my new wardrobe for fear of a “mold spore”
anyway hopes not up
prepared and willing to see more homes
if the dark rock fucks with me too much, i will get a fucking TENT
if i can still afford one after my tiny life savings was gobbled up by the Boomers to send to Ukraine and to pay for their homes on the cliffs!?! either way
remember how i told you they will back you off a cliff?
and then scold you for standing there?
if i move into another crappy moldy cockroach filled apt – with the potential of the ceiling caving in “cuz sometimes they do” (and he is “willing to come down to $1k monthly” that does not include amenities or the hoa’s for a 500ish sq ft condo cuz of the roaches tho they just “sprayed” and the unit “fully updated”
i squealed like a pig being gutted when i opened up the gorgeous brand new refrigerator and 3 cockroaches freaked out
me: “you need to spray again”
realtor who wants me to pay him $50 mo for an HOA “i can come down to 1000”
and im not allowed to rent a unit above $1200
but im allowed a fucking morg above that)
(nobody pushes bb in the corner but the boomers)
and all the houses are going for that with or without the furnishings
and i aint moving to Utah – not yet John
sorry
maybe the tub will float?
oh wait, calling for fire
but the whole of US is gonna flood but yer home eh
i mean, i hope the tub floats
sometimes if you pretend you don’t see the monsters they will leave you alone
i guess closing your eyes is a form of disassociation
im either all in or nothing at all (just a feeling)
like Florida will do what that other state just did
there are ways to fight back – without drawing blood
they may have taken our freedom of speech but not the spirit of the great eagle and what makes America so great!!!!! stop making shit so hard cuz you jelly!!!!!
they can’t take away our networking (word of mouth) and social bonds!
we werent born yesterday!
this isnt gonna go the way you want!!!!
i might could find some harmony in that tub out back
“im sorry, the owner changed their mind. nothing is for sale. but you can still eat the pizza”
the house has everything i need ready to go
i aint got no money to buy no washing machine dyer fridge stove microwave tv couch
i was coming with pillows and clothes (and an old senior dog)
p.s. im just trying to move out of the moldy cockroachy environment into a more suitable for dying habitat
it seems i may have to go all in for that
and since the boomers stole my retirement
i wont have any money to buy a stove
if a buy a house
“heyyyy ma we got a roof over our head but we aint eating!!!!!!”
but blue has everything i need right now – to move in
natural light. fertile garden. half acre. historic area. “fun stuff nearby”
pro tip: everyone wants to paint their shit blue now since it is a magical color
it has a new roof age 4
it aint tin!!!!!
ill give them exactly what they r asking
per Realtor guidance
(but also my loan provider says i can get up to $2k monthly)
Boomers say i need to earn $6k a month to live somewhere without the crime or cockroaches
or go “all in” or be homeless – i mean the odds are stacked against us fully chained
im losing my own “fertility” down the fucking toilet every 3 weeks – and just like Jackie I have a hard time letting go after effort has been put in – and bless her little heart seeing the realization with the ravens visiting
she will have to leave the eggs behind for the ravens
another harvest failed
ill drop poems when i aint busy trying to save my life
dying can be long and tedious sometimes
hence “assisted suicide”
but i don’t need anyone to “assist me”
i dont want anyone seeing me “bleed down there” or out my fucking brain and nostrils
there’s already a bird bath to feed the birds
“comes as is”
and yes the VA do inspections, this is legit
if God gave you a tiny pot of gold, what would you buy?
would you go all in?
Michigan Town Votes Out Entire Local Government, Immediately Changes Locks
Michigan Town Votes Out Entire Local Government, Immediately Changes Locks – RedState
— Read on redstate.com/terichristoph/2023/11/09/michigan-town-votes-out-entire-local-government-immediately-changes-locks-n2166107
folks waking up to the “this country was founded on immigration” propaganda – tired TIRED of everything being “Made in China”
we ain’t got yellow fever no mo!!!!
oh wow
did the value increase with the dead body or something?
it has had a lot of price decreases and the risk of floods here are low
5 unhealthy days in 5 years
and she was built the year i was born
she has passed through so many sales and hands
so people have died there?
she is on a half acre
gold and dead bodies could be buried there?
im ready to put an offer in but turns out i see ID tomorrow (she’s a good doctor but i aint in love with her or rescheduling)
no flooding, built the year i was born
well he has sent me 14 properties to look at
some really good ones
with lots of land
but he wanted to also show me a property “move in ready” “furnished” as i did request to look at them
it required him changing the 1-5 acres tho
to half or less…
sometimes there are too many doors
and i can get something less than the bigger amount
you know, closer to 100 or less?
go big or go home?
i don’t have anything to offer so there is nothing to lose?
the new roof is 4 years old
the stuff inside is a fucking headache
i aint sleeping on a bed people have been sinning in
but the tubs can be cleaned
half acre is plenty space for a small garden
i will install iron bars on the windows
iron gates…
yasss
install security
try not and get the urge to start digging holes in Florida in the middle of the night
cuz we all know what happens when you start digging holes…
comes as is
a bird bath right next to the outdoors porcelain claw bath
“comes as is, with dead bodies buried out back and all”
maybe i can keep a few things
like the “best dad ever” sign
for esthetics
but why is the blue house for sale?
is it the crime?
flooding?
can’t be used as a airbnb?
dead body outside under the tub?
taxes too high?
died?
i have so many questions but for 6k i could move somewhere more expensive and with more cockroaches with “sometimes the ceiling caves in”
im pretty certain i already worry about the cracks in the ceiling here – as much as the mold
or drop 10k on the blue house with a big screen “comes with everything” – including potentially a dead body under the tub in the fertile garden
i mean, i have so many questions like “when can we go see it”
and he is like “tomorrow”
and im like “prob too soon”
i hope i text “available to see blue today or tomorrow” at like 5 am
i mean the air has been so toxic i can’t make any decisions
2 bedroom 2 bath + 1 additional tub in the fertile garden out back
“can bathe with the birds and dead bodies”
him: “ominous”
oh wait, wrong story
the blue house is good enough to rent (or was)
and now they cant and for sale?
and it is $600 to do an inspection which includes the 10k
what is lurking behind the curtains (i mean rugs, pictures, tv?)
it would be all mine
an empire of dirt (and dead bodies?)
i need the blue house
that’s the same kind of tub morrison died in?
wait, what part of Florida was he born?
(Melbourne – not quite Melrose but close)
(same state)
i have looked at a lot of potential properties
and rental units too
mostly online and the paper and booklets
the mold has been killing me –
wtf is hiding under that tub and can the creeps at the park see?
“everything has to go”
“sorry not the best daddy sign, everything but that”
is daddy not the best daddy anymore, is that why the house is for sale?
omg the stories i could write in blue
in the tub outback
behind the fence
by the bird bath…
“the saddest girl in the world lives on Melrose”
“yeah she done gone and bought a house fully furnished “as is””
“…heard there were some dead bodies out back”
“…under the tub”
“…in the fertile garden”
them: “whaaaaaat”
sold my empire of shit to buy another’s?
if daddy has left me a lump sum of money in that house, he may in fact be the best dad ever
“nature is good for you”
it’s kind of traumatizing seeing and hearing what animals do to one another
i just don’t think i’m doing life right
it’s prob just a bored abandoned cat terrorizing everything God made cuz “it’s fun”, “it’s what i want”, “i can’t stop” cuz he’s no better than an animal and i just wish the neighbors that hear the laughing coming from the window is not of “fun nature”
they’d wanna kill me even more
the crime is still ongoing just fyi
the “bad dope” is in my backyard and when the state gave me CUD and i have to temp stop my pain and anxiety medication for 6 months – i wasn’t allowed to accept gifts or phone numbers no matter how tempting or good the offer smelled
they leave live rounds outside my window
and i ain’t never did them no wrong
‘cept that one time the gang leader living next door asked me if he could “live with me for 3 months” cuz him and his gal were splitting up (and i wasn’t gonna have to hear him beat his dog anymore through the walls) and he offered to help “catch me up on my ride” cuz “he knew i was behind” cuz we had some hurricanes out here that made us lose power for a weeks time and “love thy neighbor” (but not that much)- i’m just a big mouth (but not a narc) (or narC) and folks will never phish any info out me again ‘cept maybe “hell is real” “god is everywhere”
but i told him no immediately (despite having threatening letters by Capitol One that they were gonna start the process to remove my ride) – and so as if being sued by my creditors and having to go to court (for other debts) wasn’t humiliating enough – the judge demanding i take “3 full breaths before we start because i look like i want to jump from the bridge behind us”- and this was in a full courtroom
…as if that wasn’t humiliating enough i had to tell the thug “no” and he said “you can sleep on it” and i replied “i don’t need to”
and the devil got mad
said my back window would get broken
it did, the day before thanksgiving
and now all his friends cousins and brothers
make life hell for me
and there’s an undercover out here waiting on his promo
i won’t have anything to do with anyone
it ain’t just black people “we don’t talk like that”
i have ghosted my own father
why you so mad
“equal opportunity hater”
“we hate everyone”
so even if i wanted to break the law and “make peace” – i could fucking die from the w**d
I had a fucking addiction right in the middle of a gang war and like
i.dont.want.to.die.
uhm SOS?
it’s like every direction is trying to kill me and suicide is humane?
i couldnt breathe again and had to open a window and now the gangs think i aint living in fear
my third air purifier is arriving soon
30 days to close they say
i can’t manage to leave the very house that is killing me
this place aint worth dying for
these people
this town
im not gonna be able to breathe until i am far gone
i better stop laughing with the window open cuz dont wanna leave in a body bag
cop: “you need to move”
“not just from here”
“but all of Daytona”
“all of Daytona is bad”
“there’s not enough cops”
protection prayers please
i had nothing to do with this by the way: https://www.daytonabeachconnection.com/Daytona-Beach-Police-Department-makes-major-drug-bust–arrests-suspect–1-16524.html
i simply told a man “no” and bam – despite my lease stating and having a clause to protect women – i have video evidence and proof of so much shit i have been through
enough to make someone die by suicide
“you can’t make someone kill themself”
they took away the noise disturbance law in 2008
and some of the things in my head that would put me on tv – are justified
“we only hire Black people for a safe environment”
God is gonna know when im back home cuz im gonna be slinging the devils head outside the doh!
im sure one of the cats will wind up dead cuz 3 or 4 have been murdered with a vehicle by a neighbor – and i either hear the cries and see the aftermath and blood pooling – or discover them cold and dead
and i hate the things but not enough to kill them
im selling my new ps5 btw
i already know i likely probably break community guidelines and this is minority report
and you definitely in the minority if you believe in God
so JJ wanted me to know that he would not be released when the floods come
and im apparently welcome to visit anytime
he knows my greatest fear after all
vip
vip jacksonville
gotta get a hug
just been thinking how long it has been since i got a hug
from anyone
Florida birthday month
gotta get on dat
wait
where is Hollywood FL
(about 4 hours away)
Jacksonville is a hopscotch jump away
plus i did vip there before (not same venue)
i don’t know where i will be living come August
i was hoping it would be far from here
so tricky slow getting packages
but i am tied to a lease (i can break)
i could get the vip
and secure the hug
(i don’t need to pay Gavin for hugs. the man will literally stop soundcheck and exit the stage to come say hi to me – the band hates it)
he prob thought i died
i bet he’d like to see a ghost?
i mean familiar face?
do you think he will remember me?
p.s. i mean, the music does make me feel alive (and there’s very little art that i am still attached to)
i don’t know if i can handle a gig – let alone one TWO hours away
and candlebox is gonna be there
i met kevin ages ago
he still follows me on Insta
it would be nice to stop dying long enough to live
fbi put out a “migrant terrorism” warning lol
but remember the Boomer propaganda “if they come here they are on our side”
“they swing for us”
lol
also that EA BLM who only hires BLM workers to create a “safe environment”
oh honey, i’m not the threat
WILL IT BE FREE OF HOA’s and MOLD
i kinda ghosted my team cuz overwhelmed (sick and dying)
robot on mars
too many doors
short circuiting
im crying and praying to God “help me”
and they’re like “just pick a door, any door!”?
and im all “lost in hell, no direction”
and realtor is like “anywhere in Florida”
so maybe i need to get a map
i just know the cop said “not Daytona” “all of Daytona is bad” “not enough cops”
and the gangs here wanna shoot me
according to the shit they have the audacity to mouth
like don’t you know who the fuck i am?
cuz i don’t…
wait, how did we go from therapeutic bush hugs to i don’t know if i’ll be alive to make it
this iphone puts out more radiation than i like
france banned the iphone 12
this model is likely identical
im on it very little and it hurts my hand
my heart hates devices
it’s a fucking weapon owned by China
if only…
i wish i had gifted myself a gift card
im sure there’s a poem in there somewhere
but like… i cant even shop on ipsy currently
which is fine cuz i prob shop too much anyway
which forces me to have a skincare and self-care routine
“we don’t need to wear any makeup we’re dying”
“well that’s good enough reason for to wear best dress”
“i mean you aint wrong”
i got an appt incoming and like are they gonna know they been in my livingwaking dream
it is kinda confusing
i know im lost in hell
but the mold
is about to drive me into a tent and break my lease
i got the realtor and potential new landlords texting and calling
but i aint answering either one
robot on mars
overwhelmed
even if they wanted money in a shoebox
i cant even access my own funds
i was like “is there a physical bank to enter and make withdrawals”
and shes like “$35 to expedite”
instant disconnect
prob gonna withdraw my milk money soon
put it in a shoebox
bury it
“forget where”
“TELL ME WHERE THE BOX IS”
im sorry
i think this post was meant to stay in my head
i could have gone the rest of my life not knowing about the Alaskan roadkill lottery
“waste not want not”
yeah want not. fasting for the next two weeks. religious practice.
yes it does
BLOCKED oh i musta offended someone oh shame within
maybe some poetry soon huh
got a few lines but no energy
boomer: “you”re retired at 45?” (asks like im lying)
gen x: “uh yeah. military.”
boomer: “you need to be earning 6k a month to rent here from me and my wife”
gen x: have fun
fool me twice
i let paypal do me dirty again
i was having too much fun shopping (in small increments & amounts) on TikTok
and funny how the same day congress wants to ban TikTok
PayPal is restricting my account – without any real reason attached to their claim – and have decided to hold my account hostage – until i provide them more DATA that they will sale to the enemy – that i do not want to do
therefore, i cannot use paypal for why i signed up (a second time)
(the first time they outed my anonymous donors who contributed to a pool i created – based on FAQ provided by PayPal – which they apparently can update and change at will – rules for me but not thee – and there is more to this point i’m sorry) – but not only did they expose who the anon donors were – they eventually made them priority in my contact list – who had never sent me a dime where i was meant to be aware – but low and behold – something i don’t think the therapist could understand – and even if they should – there was so much shame attached to my sense of self – that the bridge was nearing closer everyday!?!
so i deleted my obsession
i mean account
but then for stupid “i wanna shop in private and protect my data reasons” – i opted to open a new account
start again
this time not using my account to receive – only send and shop
but now PayPay is cockblocking me again
and they outed my private new email – that i will need to delete
and i had to call my bank to let them know that i need to change my identity in order to break up with paypal
because they keep doing updates and selling my data by turning on those little boxes they add in
im getting scam emails – clever tricky ones trying to get me to put my money in a shoebox and tape it up and give it to the blacked out car with the CIA/FBI agents (please note that if anyone wants me to put any amount of money in a shoebox – even $5 – i will be calling my therapist and the cops immediately and letting them know i have potentially crossed the threshold breaking point)
m’kay
anyhoo – the scam emails continue even tho i ain’t giving anyone my info to send/receive
but PayPal is
and now for no other reason than “shopping on TikTok” they have decided to hold my account hostage until i provide them more personal forms of data
and so the contract should be null and void
cuz i can’t use it how i signed up for – and i ain’t providing shit
they won’t remove my card – so the card is destroyed – bank informed – text and emails reported as spam and phishing – and a Better Business Bureau report pending to be done
i don’t owe paypal a penny
nor is anything pending
other than my random penalty “ma’am you were shopping with the enemy”
but don’t they know i got friends in China?
it’s cheaper and better buying direct from the source
fuck a third party
but now i gotta move to break up with paypal
i had to change my bank info
im gonna have to change my phone number…
i swear it’s not a joke
there’s been no fraudulent activity
no resolutions filed
no issues with bank or login
just suddenly today “tiktok may get banned” “provide data or no soup for you”
and so i said no
delete my account
but they won’t
so i gotta change my identity
i swear to fuck
genX out
(i told paypal thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love shopping)
that i will be outside more thanks to them
you should delete your account now – while you still can
i couldn’t even delete my profile photo after i canceled all my subs
when i called support back – the way she paused at the name change – and said “it’s kinda inappropriate” and i said whaaaaaa the “FU” and she said “yeah” and i responded “well the AI let me do it”
“and i didn’t need to provide anything”
so they will likely fix that glitch yee-haw
i am the anomaly in the matrix and is god is here!!!!!! he/she is everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!
paypal is holding my data hostage and unless i bow down to thee i am not allowed to shop – only receive
well im done receiving!!!!!!
im done giving!!!!!!!
and i cant spend my own money for 7-10 business days 2 weeks cuz the banker failed to tell me my new card wouldn’t arrive until then
so shopping withdrawals thanx to our good PAL
looking at a place to rent tomorrow
they aint getting my new number or address
gotta flee the country to escape ELON MUSK!?!?
who da fuk own PayPal now
he thinks hell is gonna be a party where all his friends are
they will he in hell – but he wont have access to them
lol
could you let God know i don’t really think it should be legal – what they are doing and my mistakes are so hard learned if any
the bank listening: “paypal won’t let me break up with them”
“this is toxic”
“i gotta move”
“change my number”
straightjacket or pier?
limited to shop cuz they want more data to sell to the enemy but my name change is inappropriate
*laughs*
hope Walmart still takes a check… nearly out of water
and thank god i never attached anything other than my card – that card is now destroyed – and my address and phone number are changing
maybe i don’t need to leave the country yet
giving away more items: donated books and bakingware to the library and neighbors
i had planned to do some mental health shopping this weekend
yah no
LOL (trigger warning?)
2019 was the year huh
2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)
no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)
but you know if looks could kill
looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too
i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)
but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him
would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side
nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket
welp
help. still in hell. *sadface*
i’m not in / this isn’t happening
SAME
p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”
like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)
i tried to put it in a poem
it isn’t going very well
don’t hang up it’s me
i’m dying
find a tree
and hang freely
bridge NOW
uggg sword of envy
maybe poetry coming, maybe poetry not
i have very little worth here
no point
oh by the way…
oh by the way
i wanted to say
fuck you
for thinking there are clouds
above you
positioned in the sky
to charm you
like everything belongs to you
like everyone’s below
your feet too
i do beseech you
take a seat
or look in the rearview
the nihilism you do
a comet
come to split the air in two
oh by the way
fuck you
for the endless dreams
that I do
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
them damn acorns
this is hilariously sad
he fired off so many rounds – over 1 acorn
“shots fired, shots fired” – has no idea from where – panics – targets the car in front of him 😬
but im called “paranoid and crazy” cuz i dont want to leave my house cuz anytime i do there is high risk for me to get trafficked, kidnapped, swamped, hid in a wall, or something worse 👀
and the traffic is insane
25 minutes just to back up from the parking lot at Publix and the overweight white millennial parked next to me nearly blew his lid
there are worse ways to die than John Jones – but so far – for me – his tops
only 10% of people hear voices in their head – and i hear whole symphonies of people who have died – singing – the most beautiful sounds
ive been collecting acorns around here
that squirrel or the lawnmower hasnt destroyed
it used to be a swamp out here but it was nearly all wiped out
i tell the trees and animals i worry for them
the remaining bits of trees that remain
but its private property and just cuz 70% of my income goes to living here – it dont mean i get a say about how things go
the blowing dirt and leaves around the parking lot for HOURS
DUMB
over pruning the trees
DUMB
i get triggered when i hear the chainsaw now 😭
“mature trees and landscaping” the website advertises
but they cut down a baby tree growing – and i planted more seed in the same spot – now another baby is growing
and they cut the arms off of the trees growing towards the sunlight
she was a sycamore
had survived two hurricanes
but not the chainsaw
i cried
i researched pruning – with pictures –
not to mention all the fish they killed dumping chems into the water
i called the EPA eventually and Allan laughed at me
i think i ended that call “i know you want love with a prostitute”
Allan was terrified for his life 🥶
i got a private call from
a cop “so youre not on your way to orlando right now”
*laughs*
“not at this precise moment, no….”
*laughs*
I bet Allan still thinks about me 🤩
*laughs*
cut down another tree – fire more shots at people cuz acorns are violent as hell
you ever had one hit you in the head?
you ain’t alive 👀
real life
he didn’t fall out of a 5th story window tho did he –
he “fell ill”
(stories from Russia)
she drowned in the back of a cop car – with handcuffs behind her back
(stories from Tennessee)
he musta done something so God awful he never wanted to be found. so they reported him missing and pulled his body from the ocean – but remains unnamed
(stories from Virginia)
the most inspiring couple of 2024 🤩
and here’s me not giving a fuck about anything and everything all at once
*subject to go private again without any warning – don’t come in*
the ai did me good 😭
i love ipsy 😭
people were complaining they didn’t get her signature look but i did 😭
thank you ipsy and ai 😭
oh! im getting a free gift for upgrading too!
im afraid to do an unboxing 😭
people will burn me at the stake for getting her signature red 😭
im also getting the barbie roller with my glam bag and folks would unalive me 😭
the ai hooked me up 😭
why am i being nice to ai 😭
and gwen and gavin were my favorite couple for decades 😭
stop making me choose between them 😭
i’d go to both of their bbq’s 😭
happy with my glam bag & icon box upgrade 😭
yes ai will choose for you 😭
it’s a draw of the cards
but also they said dont put too much in the quiz otherwise AI wont know what to choose 😭
and i instantly thought of that bot on mars 😭
then everything made sense 😭
i didn’t cancel my membership, i upgraded 😭
im getting amazing products to hide the hideous weathering 😭
gwen aint weathering 😭
she came to earth with worth 😭
i dont wanna drive off the pier 😭
i want my icon box to arrive 😭
happy valentine’s babes!
treat yourself! ❤️
(there are several plans, they are easy to cancel, skip months, or change frequency! i’m having fun for now! when ai isn’t making me cry! 😭)
tip: on the quiz, don’t tell the AI you want to try everything, it will overwhelm him! 😭)
(and yes, even with quiz preferences, they will still send you things you may not want)
(or you may get lucky) 😭
(i was afraid to tell people to just visit her site and purchase it but they really wanted to get it with the box)!
this will be my first time trying it too! and they have some 3.5 million subscribers!?!
so the odds are?
i don’t know how many tubs they have
but it ain’t 3.5 million…
hope goes a long way in this hell… (and luck)
he wasn’t braking *trigger warning*
it was just the lights flickering
i thought (at first) he was braking (they finally pulled him out of the ocean)
but he drove through an iron gate to nosedive off the pier
he wasn’t braking
and i don’t know what bothers me more
the fact that he wasn’t hesitant or he was!?!?
i really have a hard time visiting (or sharing) any news sites cuz they are all plagued by ads eating your data, can’t scroll, can’t read, like picking flies off in Iraq when trying to eat
they will fucking swarm you
i watched him drive off that pier so much
never once was there a “sensitive content warning”
“participating in this activity could get you hurt”
i watched him drive off that pier doing only what i dare to dream to do….
he wasn’t hesititating
i would like to write a poem but words fail me
as i struggle with my own depression, my own identity, a place to belong in this world
but don’t hand your cards over to Satan
this might be his world
cuz i asked (while awake) for some clarity if this was “heaven or hell”
im like “yeah the sun feels nice – in limits – and we’re all eating one another to stay alive”
and i know we are suppose to work together
and i know we are born into a manmade prison cuz of his lustful nature
but I had a dream
and in that dream – i came to a realization, and stated to others i cannot recall or remember, in a frantic realization, “we’re in hell”
and it woke me up
but it’s just the tip of the iceberg potentially
and i don’t wanna be down in hell an eternity
i don’t like them odds
and those who worship the dark one make it so easy in society every step we turn to commit sin
i don’t want to live a life of sin and i do not comply with the social credit system
i DO sometimes think of driving off the pier
but man
you ever dove off a diving board and landed on your back?
was he knocked out when the car hit the water?
did he watch himself drown?
he wasn’t swearving
on a wet bridge
he didn’t seem intoxicated to me (maybe parasites)
i thought he was braking
but it was an optical illusion
just the car taking dips
i don’t think he wanted to be found
i don’t think he knew (or wanted) his ending broadcast on TikTok and social media
he didn’t want out, he didn’t want to be found
the only thing he regretted was his life
he didn’t regret having complete control over his ending (did he?)
were there regrets down there in those final moments?
did he struggle?
was he a gen x?
I NEED TO KNOW
i was approved (pro 2a)
im not allowed to pick her up til the 23rd tho
but i signed the atf form, i passed my background check
but I don’t have a carry permit so shall not be infringed upon until the 23rd and then I can go pick her up she’s already paid for and she’s mine and the serial number has already been confirmed
I’ve already bought her ammo and a lock case; I have personal ammo and I have ammo for the range 🙂
yee-haw
and wasn’t i a kid in a candy store
One of the workers offered me a job and some of the bystanders were very interested in what I bought and everyone told me that it was an excellent choice and it’s a great starter gun 🙂
and it’s made in the usa
he said it fit my hand nicely
i got a picture of her 🙂
this ain’t no bb gun BB
new starter gun 🙂
couldn’t decide between a 38 special, a 9mm, or this 40
she comes with two 14 round magazines in the box 🙂
gotta get to the range soon – got ammo for that
and these hollow points that “spread out”
happies
scored this lock box for ten bucks and he made sure the size would fit by holding my gun to the box
pick her up soon 🙂
in Florida you no longer need a carry permit but if you wanna walk out with your weapons the same way you buy them you do
a little asmr gun unboxing at the store 🙂
i can’t promote anything gun related or i will get penalized and my account with an “armed and dangerous” flag 🙄
and possibly banned
because everything is Made in China but my fucking gun
I have been eyeing the revolvers though
and tho i have a soft spot for shotguns i dunno if i can handle kickback currently
I need to get my carry permit and I want to get to the range so I can get familiar with my weapon and be a responsible gun owner 🙂
guns be selling out fast and im jumping on that train
the boys were asking specific questions about what i bought
at one point i stated i knew how to drive but not familiar with all the models lol
I don’t recall firing a 40 or a 38 special in the army but a 9mm and an M-16 A2 rifle and live grenades and grenade launcher and all sorts of other shit I can’t remember yes 🤪
I was very efficiently trained to take my weapons apart in the dark including the firing pin and put them back together within a certain timeframe and wearing my gas mask
today I went and bought a gun and got a job offer
had several people tell me it was a good choice!!
i was like “i know i could buy a 9mil at this price but i wanted something a little smaller”
“i wanted a 38 but this kept catching my eye”
“there was three, and then two, and now there is one”
*laughter*
i just leveled up my game
and i need to refresh the skill sets i already have programmed in me
does it not come with a safety switch – lol
oh no
IS THERE REALLY NO SAFETY
babe why did you let me shop for a week for guns only to select one at 4:20 am without a safety switch
BABE
it’s his fault that he’s not here taking care of me and I selected something that I’m not familiar with or that I’ve ever been trained with
HIS FAULT
GOOD CHOICE THEY SAID
“don’t shoot yourself in the foot” was never once heard
hit the like button if you want to see how my range adventures go and I can’t post about this shit anywhere else on social media
I struggled getting the grenade launcher loaded in basic training
but once I did my drill sergeant was so impressed and he said I was the only one that hit the target which were tanks far far out but I used up nearly all my time to get it loaded
and you’re not allowed to throw the live grenade like a baseball and so it didn’t go very far and we had to jump in the hole the first time lmao
“I thought you played baseball” my drill sergeant shouted
“get in the hole”
another boomer with…
another boomer with a flooded house
awe
you stole so much from GenX, how’s that working out for you now?
other countries that follow these ridiculous policies are also tanking
– their Gen X got hit the worst too…
i hope the boomers get what’s coming: hell
an entire generation HATES you (minus one or two sheeple)
the way society has ghosted us
burn burn burn
wretched week
it was a bad week
not a bad day –
an entire fucking week!
with small intervals of “the sun is out, you made it through the night, do you wanna try and walk”
and after 48 hours of his explosive diarrhea which kept him quarantined to his bathroom – with many walks outside – I called the vet
I told them which location I wanted to go but they wanted to send me on a 6 Hour Rd. trip when my dog had diarrhea
“id like port orange please today if possy”
her: ‘we have one available in iron city”
me: “where is iron city, how far”
her: ‘do you want the address for Port Orange’
i’m fairly certain I’m living and suspended in a different dimension than most people
i got struck by lightning in my jeep all windows down arm out 80 miles an hour circa 2018
i’ve never seen so many arms of bands of lightning and the sound was so loud it was like something fell from heaven
i screamed “fuck” as my life literally did flash before my eyes
I could still see the lightning on the road as I was driving away
it was even more odd i veered into the middle lane the precise time it decided to touch down
millions of arms
my arm was still burning when I got home and I started googling if electricity was radiation and freaking out because I didn’t have any iodine in my house and still don’t
things have not been the same since
oh… the dog saw the vet yesterday and had his anal glands expressed
i was blaming myself for everything that went wrong as he was i thought “dying”
he is so old his body is starting to shut down
he wants to be here, no matter how painful this gets
he may have to get his glands expressed again
I wonder when mommy will ever have a good day again
but then sometimes I realize I should probably be grateful that I even have this to tend to
i told him im not far behind
and i hope he greets me in heaven
since he will become heaven’s mascot when he arrives
he earned his wings down here
I kinda have been praying for this day to come and now that it’s arriving I don’t want it to come – I have guilty feelings for wanting my life back – to move on without him
ive made some moral mistakes
they are so hard to recover from
but also i’m starting to experience some tenderness in my kidney area and the medication just isn’t working fully
thought and prayers
p.s. she said there wasn’t anything I did and that I would probably need to bring him in again to get his anal glands expressed as it’s common for old dogs
i’m fucking exhausted after the week I’ve had and I know it’s 6 AM but I’m gonna smoke a fucking joint – it’s prescribed
im aching im tired i wish markburgesswasdead
been talking to other bloggers who say…
they also have issues with “likes” not working on WordPress
so it’s not just in my head
and I tried to find the updated post about “how to post” on WP through JetPack and whatnot – but Google just isn’t the same
i just remember reading something about TAGS but maybe i’m wrong about what i read
i just know we all were using X amount and the post said X amount had been reduced to a lesser amount or else the algorithm will ignore you
kinda like that issue with that robot on mars that has too many tasks that it is overwhelmed and keeps re-prioritizing tasks that need to be done – but nothing ever gets done
they came up with a term for it
and that’s the state of me, my life, and my blog
and the fact that i leave “likes” multiple times on multiple days like a psychopath having a meltdown (this time it’s the AI and not me, swear) but you wouldn’t know? or maybe you do?
so now im leaving comments here and there going “it wont let me like anything”
“im here still” 🥹
and the ai knows i hate leaving my ip so now im being forced to give my age sex location just to breathe anywhere in society
i degress…
priority inversion problem
i swear i aint trying to cause any troubles
im just lost in hell having priority inversion malfunctions
“i know this needs done but we gotta do this first but can’t because we need to do this other thing instead”
*keeps chasing own tail*
“i keep doing but there ain’t anything done”
i think they changed the usage rules on hashtags on tiktok too – but *spins in circles*
*la la la la la la la do do do*
“hey you started that task yet”
“… yeah I’m on it…”
“hey you finished that task yet”
“…no man, apparently I’m missing components to complete task, please advise…”
isn’t it too late for pathfinder, just like me?
im pretty certain it spent up all its energy on pointless tasks, just like all them weekly conference calls at the DoD
tiktok achievement
so my hashtag on tiktok just hit over 24k!!! 👀
i should trademark myself 🤪
y’all still after the content
and i’m still writing on the wall
it was at 23k when i was tagging my latest post
but i don’t tag EVERY post on tiktok
mostly just the writing stuff
i may have forgot to tag an important thread or two
i just don’t tag everything i do
(im terrible at following rules)
but for reference i noticed that there had been A LOT of clicks for my hashtag on my account
i just thought that was cool
cuz im just some witchy gal from the deep south of Mississippi who co-exists with spiders
until i kick one out and feel bad and another comes along and i try again
i even post the gross stuff on the tiktok…
(i know my views are low but thanks for searching for me) (or whatever it means)
(i heart you)
GROSS
he called me GROSS for keeping house spiders
(i blocked him for god knows how long!?!)
go ahead and penalize me
been getting a lot of “we don’t talk like that”, “that’s offensive” and I’m here to remind you that I’m Gen X and don’t give a fuck
you will not silence or condition me
The more you try to silence me the more I want to get one of those things you talk into so people can hear you in a crowd
go on and push the last fuck outta me
I already got in trouble and penalized on TikTok for leaving a comment about how BLM continues to influence all our youth n adults to do drugs
facts are facts
One bad apple spoiled the whole goddamn bunch
go ahead and penalize me for breaking community guidelines
I do not conform to the social credit system and I will never spend another dime on social media again
I DO NOT CONFORM TO ANY SOCIETAL CULTS OR BOW DOWN TO ANY DEMONS LGBT BLM LLM ASM
“I HATE EVERYONE” m’kay
stop pushing your agenda on me or else
finally. an honest obituary.
i can just see myself doing this tho.
why am i laughing tho
“they grieve who she could of been”
god i feel this
even about my own life that was stolen from me
this gave me tiny bits of hope
ive always been the bright rainbow of the family (and i dont mean lgbt)
i stopped fighting with the ai
no more caps, no more grammar, no more fucks to give
leave the apostrophe at the door
things are smooth sailing stalling
triangulation among the living, dying, dead
some people are being boiled until their skin falls of the bone, and the company uses the broth for their garden, i shit you not
*laughing again*
why cant i have the broth for my own garden tho?
give me my mom’s juice
daddy’s too
revenge is an honest obituary
“im glad shes dead”
maybe poe really was a dick
he definitely was a pedophile who liked fucking his own blood
He wrote some *then* unpublished shit to her which is tattooed into my bone
I kept telling my tattoo artist I hated her and I wish she was dead but she wouldn’t let me go
until the side tat was done
“im sorry i wished you were dead / heres your tip”
there’s probably a reason I don’t have too many friends 💀
im that meme
about the drunk girl giving some guy head to avoid getting raped or worse
my safe place immediately destroyed “can i just jerk you off”
i was probably 18 or 19
maybe 20 or 21
ive been getting sa since i was born tho
i can do a tell-all for the upcoming obituaries
i never thought id share my story or find closure
ill put it on a fucking tomb
“here lies the one i hate”
THIS IS GIVING MY LIFE
i was thinking about reaching out to the sperm donor one more time
I think I was 10 last time I saw and ghosted my daddy
oh daddy where art tho
it’s weird to be so segregated from my own bloodline that I don’t even have his phone number or address
but also I haven’t moved into this new version of me yet and I don’t know what the old version would do
im in the messy middle
Hash it out *trigger warnings*
Big pharma didn’t want to give me access to something I wanted and needed
Dying ain’t enough to get morphine or oxygen
You gotta be near dead dead for that
Like when it doesn’t really matter
But Matthew Perry was issued ketamine to be treated for anxiety and depression
So I was laying here on the floor thinking I really needed something for pain and didn’t want to turn to alcohol or moonshine or something
But I was getting there 👀
Opted to try some new items from the medicinal shop instead
Hash + edibles
If you don’t hear from me for awhile, Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
I had enough points stored up apparently that it covered the hash so I saw that as a sign from the uni that it is okay to ease my pain and anxiety
Free hash 🎁
I’m on the call wait list for the restock of the balms.
I rub it on my hands and feet after my hot magnesium baths and my goddddddd
I told them I didn’t know if it was a placebo but it was working
I’m trying not to vape
That’s an entire nother devil’s head addiction I should stay away from
The sungrown, the eddies, the hash is working
(But please I need the cough syrup with morphine like the hospital gave me)
(So I’m not gonna tell you to shove it up your ass)
Can you make some thc cough syrup
Actually they do make tinctures so I may try those next
So glad I’m getting a reign on my vape addiction tho
But now I got access to hash
Spoilt
Tell him every time I go to buy vegan dairy, it’s SPOILT
I guess the asshole packing my $100 order (not including delivery and tips) decided to get the cold items first, leave them out for hours, until delivery?
And I paid MORE for dairy free
I paid MORE for delivery
But I guess the fat asshole is quietly quitting
But he was wanting that tip
Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a storm DYING and now I ain’t got no snacks to eat
These demons get paid either way right
I’m just a stupid skinny white bitch
He’s one cookie away from a heart attack and I hope it finds him quicker now
Merry Christmas 🎄
Update
Doc said my bloodwork looked good
Said my liver looked good
Said my skin is looking healthy
Said it wasn’t in my blood anymore
Meanwhile, I’m going “I threw up twice”, “I had to stop taking the other pill”, “I couldn’t breathe”, “need morphine”
The morphine request was denied 🙄
But only cuz she doesn’t prescribe narcotics
I’d have to go see my primary care manager – who literally misdiagnosed and mistreats me – and the only reason I’m as bad as I am now, is I couldn’t get the treatment I needed when I went to them, “I’ve been exposed”
Them: “your labs are fine”
I started my period and though I’m 45 and in agonizing pain, bleeding on everything, I’m actually grateful I’m still ovulating.
But getting any pain medication from the VA is like asking a ghost to follow me
I’ve lost my mind so the latter is a bit easier to do
I wish I could enter the VA and state that I’m 45 still bleeding from my legs – but they’d probably complain “we don’t talk like that” – “that’s considered rude”
Because we’re suppose to enter medical establishments smiling and tap dancing and bowing for them like they’re Gods
They love to gaslight
And medical malpractice is common
Go to the library and pick up a book
One that isn’t glorifying hookers and prostitutes
Cuz those can be found on the hot shelf in the front where little children can read
You’re gonna burn hell
For all eternity
P.S. I don’t know any vet alive dying that isn’t begging for some goTdamn morphine
Stop hoarding all the junk
GIVEMAH
Haz pain 😑
P.S.S. I requested it in the form of cough syrup since the hospital gave me some and it soothed my coughing and anxiety several hours thus helping the heart
But dying and being in pain isn’t a good enough cause for some cough syrup with morphine
So how do I get me some of the “good cough syrup”!?! Asking for a friend…..
I worked hard to put on weight and now I’ve done did
Pockets
He didn’t make or withdraw any deposits,
And he was living off of promise.
He was found hanging from a bridge –
With bricks in his pockets!
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Damn.
These words like halls of truth
Why won’t you follow
To the cold mines
Become trapped
Bleeding bloodlines
Holycrap
(RIP JJ)
Can’t wait to get to the range and see how the ticker does with a 9mm
A half would be nice but give me a full
A full arsenal of firearms, ammunition, explosives, knives, pepper spray & so on
And I’m like babes, get rid of the batteries. And don’t make the house explode.
Does the Devil know tho, I’m coming for his head? It don’t require guns.
They don’t know how long an eternity is.
Cox and his Clocks ⏰ – I mean cocks
It’s like Inception, we’re all living lives inside of lives inside of lives
I don’t relate to 40% of the population
In any manner
At all
(Maybe more like 95%)
40 because statistically they’ve never known struggle
I was like WHY DID THEY STEAL MY RETIREMENT and instead of leaping from the bridge here (that a judge said I looked like I wanted to jump from), I researched my apathy
You know it occurred to me that I’m 1000% a warrior
They changed the uniforms so many times, I couldn’t recognize myself anyway
Bring back the old Army greens
They gentrified
🙄
Does the Devil know?
Jim Caviezel said you have to bite off the snakes head
He said they were after him
The guy that got bricks in his pockets tho? London I think 🤔
Didn’t pay a $250k loan
(We now have an undercover cop living here cuz it’s so safe)
PoeEternal 