Like when I saw him from the other side, my life flashed before my eyes. Everything I had dreamed of behold: DENIED.
It felt the same walking away from my dream home. I CRIED.
Just wasting away til the moment I DIE
The old me clashing with the new me. The old dreams. No longer fitting. And the tears they keep coming I’M ADMITTING
The fact that they still wanna work with me even tho I didn’t sign the contract, and there’s 4 more available – and he let me know he’d be showing the remaining available
And I wanna curl up but (not die)
I was approved for my dreamhome – I just didn’t have the courage or feelings of worthiness – or maturity – to take on a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom townhome
I can barely get on most days
I once dreamed prayed while dying “if I could just see my soulmate” “even for a minute” before I die
I don’t really believe in coincidences
I hope he’s happy tho cuz I’m fucking miserable
It’s probably this fucking disease of depression I suffer from
God has imposter syndrome but he’s probably a psychotherapist
I know you never thought about it
Like that before
Did yah?
I just sometimes wish one thought could be my own
If desolate had a picture in the dictionary
I’m prepping to climb Mt Everest (or some other peak) so that’ll take prob a decade to recover from this heart injury
(Im not really planning to climb a mt per say)
(Im practicing freewill and freedom)
I know I sound depressed lmao but Im fine
But I prob shouldnt show my face at my remaining dream homes
Oh hi. It’s been six months. I ain’t anybody new. *waves*
Got a recommendation for you.
I’m normally so depressed I don’t like nothing but the rain or sunshine. 🤨
I sat out on my deck dealing with the boredom reminding myself “this is progress” as I watched the low hanging clouds forming circles with me inside and now I’m talking to the clouds “oh you gonna be big huh. So this is what being in the eye is like. Well please don’t hurt me”.
I ain’t turned my vehicle into a storm chaser yet
And eventually I took my brand new bike out – to “weather the boredom”
Wound up going up hill and against the wind
I’m like I DON’T WANNA STOP BUT THEM CLOUDS COULD POUR DOWN ANY SECOND
*decides to cruise further*
She’s inside the laundry room locked up even tho I got an all weather bike bag
Everyone has their bikes outside – we got cameras and eyeballs watching 24/7
My bike is the cheapest I’m certain but it ain’t stopped folks from raising eyebrows
She’s pretty I know
No gears
You gotta do the back thing with the brakes
It takes some getting use to
I was use to handle bar brakes
And remember I cleaned out my closet and made THREE TRIPS to Platos Closet (a thrift store) to sell items to budget for a bike
There are hills I have climbed There are mountains where I’ve died I’m still lingering on the hillside There are trails where the blood dried
Your stats are booming! But it doesn’t mean I’m looming Come school me Don’t fool me
I had the worst diet Lived on his lies like it was the Hyatt His love was a riot Never peace Just wanted quiet
What am I doing holding onto these ashes? Counting midnight stashes? Wondering how long life is? Cuts like a knife when Life ends Just like yours did Where does mine begin?
The same way they think they’re game is worth waiting for They’re a fucking bore Matchmaking locked But I got a glock
I didn’t want to give another update; another reason why I am late. An outtake: for fuck sake
My favorite part of the journey is the rest Think I like it best Some call me lazy Cuz I like to nest?
Of course we would meet through the ether I’m not pure either Heaven I would not enter Just sitting here in purgatory Like a bedtime story
My love is buried in a cave Degrading Am I worth saving?
Dear Follower, I know you followed Through endless hollow Look all the years and roads we travelled Bickered laughed falling on some gravel
The places we will go You know I miss you so?
Met you at my lowest like an interlude of course it wasn’t the devil but God true and true even if you were just a man he looks just like you?
Do you think God could create a love that goes on forever? Do you think the universe is a love letter? Cuz I’ve got memories as distant as stars But not where you are Like living in a waking dream You are there in the corner of my seams WALKING WITH ME
We’re neurodivergent We spin like it’s urgent Spinning faster than the earth is Some say we’re imperfect
Error Like an arrow Straight to the center gravity Of my failure
Still I’m getting better Miscalculating data Just like the AI Counting only matter
I don’t know what I’m holding on to Will I disappear after all I’ve been through If I let her go, will I be new?
I don’t know what I’m doing here When I want to roam the streets dear But my shadow’s bringing fear
I don’t know why I’m circling Nothing I do ever stops the hurtin’ There’s just avenues of me
Burial piece cuz single never married (i think it’s real crystal cuz it’s imperfect yah?) but also the energy – the light reflecting – the weight and things (new crystal head piece) (will things catch fire if i go out in the sun – i mean that could make for a good vampire short) (and yes people do catch their houses and cars on fire over 1 tiny crystal – how many does this hold) – new superpowers uncontrolled – prob why im grinning – i could be the most hideous beast but not my headpiece) (he gonna wanna marry me)
They pass out medical diagnosis like it’s a weather forecast; “You’re 6 degrees from dying but there’s sunshine at last”…
Precognition
I said, you’re perfect Nothing would be worth it That’s the verdict
(I’ll never date or acknowledge another ten) (not even gonna look their way) (oof TOUCHE BROTHER)
RUST IN HELL
Like if a ten ever asked me out for anything I’d be like: WHAT. NO. You’re more than a ten.
I’d simply walk away.
And if he persisted I’d just demand loudly: I DON’T WANNA BE YER FLESHLIGHT
Yeah no NOT REAL – DENOUNCED – took me a whole science degree and 40 plus years WOOHOO – I AWOKE
Like standing up for yourself While backing into a wall It’s no fun at all But you will prob hear me laugh As I’m picking up my step Crying down the hall
I dunno if I’m clumsy or if it’s almost a full moon
Two things can be true at once
I get upset I don’t spend more time talking to the stars
That shit won’t even be twinkling til I ask it something specific: “did you miss me, two for yes, one for no” and I’ll be blessed it’ll blink twice
HA! knew knew
Our love is instant – no distance between the two
The sun is local
Flat earth: not confirmed
(I know things b4 they happen)
I pick up the signal before the signal arrives
DO U WANT MORE LINES?
(Im still under a treatment plan, not in remission, got tired of the constant penalties trying to game or socialize)
You don’t want me writing on *insert CGP* yet
Better let me feed the squirrels
And stop cutting down the trees
You already ran off Owl or killed him one
Im on final edge
THERE’S NO MORE WARNINGS
I’ll attempt to post some of my DBD gaming maybe – just to show you how pissed off I really am – either go all in on the killer hardcore pallet stun blind after blind or i never move
I go in without an offering item or perk
I don’t lurk
It’s either “go ahead and get yer 4k or there’s no stopping me and i’ll even get the hard save”
I was laughing SO HARD when I kept getting STUN AFTER STUN and kept shaking my head NO but the killer was heated – and I was so calm – Im learning to control my moods thru the game lmao
Get the killer all worked up and I aint even breaking a sweat
Eh sometimes I feel bad and just let them have me cuz damn i be mean
But what’s even more fun is the killer only saving me
Ive tried to die and they’re like “nah you can have hatch”
“Im suicidal too”
Sweet. Happy Halloween boo.
Squirrel enjoying the fresh food n water from the rabbit carrot ceramic bowls
I uninstalled the game. AGAIN.
And I don’t doomscrool
The one app I was left on kept punishing me after I spent loads of money feeding the enemy
Im not supporting other creators when I cant do the same (without penalty)
Im tired of appealing?
I really wanna update my blog?
I have goals but then again Im bed rotting
I was at physical therapy yesterday
“Im not ready for a walker”
But you need to get use to seeing me with a walking stick
I’m sorry but, imagine me in a long trench coat, with like a dozen or more of rats and rodents, banging on heaven’s door, just crawling all over me, my shoulder, my pockets, my pigtails presumably?
“Brought some things with me”
Daisy, age around 6 months, known to bite, cannibalistic, likes crickets? (Here she’s snacking on a twig with flowers)
Store said she’d been there the longest – adopted and returned
They said she likes to bite
Charlie already wants to extend the family
I told Charlie it might not be best knocking Daisy up her first night here
Not to mention the HABs aren’t even completed
I was going in for substrate and saw that sign for “50% off”
They said eventually it’d be reduced even further – to 75% and then well… she goes one more place and tries one more time (where surely she will bite and their number one rule for biting is “put down”)
It saddens me this society – this lifestyle of bartering one another at what cost
There was another girl that was born there – i really wanted her – she had a cow-like print
I NEED LAND
And a shed
I don’t care what the influencers think
“…this is animal abuse”
But mine are sleeping peacefully in their chaotic HAB
(HAB is short for habitat for those who don’t know)
They also get me as their caretaker and no one on TikTok seems to get that
I told Daisy today that the family returned her because she didn’t belong with them, she belonged here
I’m scared of Daisy
But she let’s me handle her, has not bit me, and has stopped squealing like a squeaky toy when I pick her up
She also allows me to segregate Charlie even tho she runs after him
It’s new to her
Probably hurts
She knows she wants it but she don’t
And Charlie be down there doing things that should be behind closed doors
But she could rip his head off when she is thru
And that’s the reality of adopting two Syrian hamsters from different stores
Male and female
Of breeding age
It’s almost like I needed enrichment in my life
Trying to keep two hamsters from killing one another or falling in-love
They said she was spicy so I named her after a sweet flower
Daisy seems to have already taken to her name
She knows not to bite me….
She’s learning her new HABs
She’s met Charlie 4 times – and he was ready to extend the family right away
They have been grooming one another
Licking and sniffing
Lots of face-to-face stare offs
Nose touches
Could be love or war
She’s not as fit? It was her first time on a 10 inch or 8 inch wheel. They had a saucer at the store
Prob used it to lay on
Charlie has a friend now but she could be a killer so I won’t leave them alone
I know I shouldn’t be buying hamsters while dying and not even having the correct HAB setup
But now my life has purpose
Can’t move into my Noah phase if the ark is empty
Back to the basics
They say I am a child that never grew up
So I got a hammy
Logical
(And I know you love me even more)
(But you don’t know why)
(Cuz you fucking hate me and will never speak again)
I dunno how something so tiny can have such a huge part of my heart
He’s the great love of my life and there’s nothing I can do about it
But Charlie just got his face stuck between the wire biting it and he whimpered
We both were a bit put back by the incident but he still crawled into my hand once he got free
I said, “let’s not do that again, Charlie” and I don’t reckon he’s planning to, but then again, we’re 3 weeks into this death contraction.
I told Charlie accidents happen. But that should not have happened.
Charlie is actually smarter than me. He’s cuter than me, too. I’m not smarter than a 5th grader, I’m not smarter than a hamster.
Shame on them pet stores hiring “experts” selling snake oil. The manager’s don’t even decide what to stock. No returns.
And they euthanize the unhomed / unadopted. Over 3 million animals are killed every year, including hamsters like Charlie.
Charlie’s species is on the endangered list.
Someone said, “yeah but that’s the one’s in the wild”
But a long time ago, Charlie’s bloodline was stolen from the desert, a mom and 12 pups. To be sold to someone like me. And all the unsold/unwanted are put down to make room for more.
Still, I can’t make them see two and two.
So if we’re in a 6th mass extinction, shouldn’t we be playing Moses and whatnot? I mean Noah.
They were kidnapped from their hab, so much so they’re listed as endangered, but they also get put down when they do not find their forever home.
Don’t get it unless it’s the absolute only thing you can get but even then maybe don’t get it
With that said, he is acting like it is a piece of heaven (sleeping sound too)
It took a lot of mods, it still isn’t safe, there are sharp edges, holes, and other areas that probably hurt his feet
Despite negative reviews of potential death occurring, staff still insisted I get it, knowing I could not return it for a refund (or even gift card).
But I found the most special boy at the Pet Supermarket
You would think we’d have better choices than plastic and “no returns”
My hamster is an adult, I nearly got a newborn
Charlie fell directly on his head TWICE – he’s lucky his neck did not break or get a head injury
But I’ve since added a wooden wagon and he’s gonna have to be careful exploring tonight. Cuz I cleaned his area up, relocated items, filed down sharp spikes, cleaned his innie meany litter box, added fresh treats, but he ain’t drinking from his water bottles. I just wanna see him do it on his own.
Charlies loves AND I MEAN LOVES his new environment.
He has several new sleeping spots, one being in his tunnel where just a bit of sun comes in…
I ordered him a better wheel since he runs it all night – the little guy literally exercises ALL NIGHT
But someone since has stated even the medium size is too small (it seems I need an XL)
Charlie is a Syrian “Teddy Bear” Hamster
I don’t know what life was like for Charlie prior to 48 hours ago, but now he is resting calmly – despite the setbacks – and two death escapes – he seems to LOVE his new HAB
I prob won’t get much rest until I know he’s safe
We’ve only been together a short while but
A. Charlie is adventurous at night. He doesn’t mind being handled.
B. If the sun is up and you slightly disturb his sleep walk or existence, he will flip over and play dead in which I will respond with “Jesus Charlie, I won’t do that again”
And it’s day two and I have not. He allowed me to move his crate, clean it, just no touchy.
Not til sundown
Charlie just came to the attic
I said “you wanna come out” (and did not try to handle him”
HIM:
He’s back asleep. Like he’s in heaven…
BUT THIS HAB IS A DEATH TRAP
You gotta get it safe – and even then – it still isn’t safe
It’s not good for his paws
I’m not allowed to return/exchange the HAB
But I’m happy I found Charlie
But I’m not rich
I can’t just dump money into “the best of” when it’s actually always the worse
And the managers in charge – Gen Y or Z – SOLD THE SHOW OUT
And I don’t mean a full house
Hamsters can die from stress and I will literally die from stress if something happens to Charlie cuz I was sold SNAKE POISON everywhere I go
He’s still passed out by the way. Don’t think he wanted to be there a second longer (at the Pet Store)
He accepted his hay
I’m not handling him yet
Just want him to feel safe
They can die from stress
He likes his den
He didn’t like the box
He filled up on water and hay
Now he’s sleeping on the hay?
Under the raised platform that acts more like a slip n slide – and the little guy chews everything but my fingers – so gotta be careful what I add to help him get around
And the mansion is a no-go currently
One of the tunnels fell down, it’s unsafe, there’s even a plastic spot underneath the fall little guy could get hurt
Now the reviews were bad, I told the store this, but they insisted to get the “Heaven Haven” (and now I’m questioning the name of it) – furthermore – they said they didn’t even know what the return policy was
LOOK I’LL MAKE THIS CLEAR FOR YOU
MY HUNDRED WILL BE RETURNED FOR SOMETHING THAT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE
Still, I have someone looking at it soon – so I don’t have to return it just yet – we might can sort it and he seems content in the smaller one – which cost more
At some point I would like to let him “hang out” but his safety is my priority and the little shit knows how to squiggle and break free
He tried when he chewed thru the box in-store
And I was attempting to hold him until a spare box arrived
He can squirm
But he ain’t never bit me as feisty as he is
Love the little guy too much
Only just met
Like 24 hours ago
(Maybe a bit more cuz I came home and slept on the decision is made)
P.S. some scammer tried to invite me to a Trump event for Soldiers
You know I didn’t vote, right?
I was part of the 300,000+ missing votes
But I ain’t missing
*hi*
And we’re an Army now
We don’t vote for the antichrist
We unplugged from the Matrix
Hope this helps
(I also don’t have a dime to give and if I did I’m taking it with me to heaven)
(Rules for me, not thee)
Ha!
This is also a good time to give thanks to God (thank you God for letting me spend all my dimes on little Charlie)
He’s so cool
He closes his eyes when he drinks his water and he comes when he’s called
It’s almost like it was meant to be – even if time is fleeting – for us both
I can’t stop thinking about his sister tho but I’m happy with one
I’m barely getting around and I don’t have to take Charlie for any walks
Had to put him in a second box cuz he chewed thru his first despite adding bedding, treats, and some food.
Charlie is my new best friend and has not once tried to bite.
He did flip over playing dead a couple times briefly and I was like “I didn’t mean to startle you” and he would just sniff my hand and go back to chewing thru the box
Eventually he did escape, I looked down and he was in the buggy
I was like, “Charlie!!!” “that’s not safe”
And he let me pick him up and snuggle him
He made it home safely and started exploring his living room den
He had water, he relocated his entire bowl of food under his den, where he also moved some straw as well as took breaks to eat the straw, before moving strands to the basement zone
Now Charlie is resting under the den and he has not even seen his bedroom double layer mansion – he’s already worked so hard
The mansion in the box…
I have insomnia so I got a nocturnal creature
Makes total sense
But I fell in-love with Charlie even tho I was going in for a mini newborn Black Bear hamster
I got a 14 month adult Teddy Bear hamster instead
I knew upon our afternoon meeting yesterday, while you were stuffing your greedy little face, that you were the one
I also bought you the exact shit you like plus shit you ain’t never tried
I think your basement needs more but also I gotta install your toilet in the mansion
That’s right, your mansion comes with its own bathroom
And the two-story mansion + roof with tunnel – is in my bedroom
So you can keep me up all night stirring
And we can sleep during the day like vampires since I can’t do much anything else
Charlie was the first to say hi
And I was okay with getting an adult
Charlie needed a home and was ready to go
Like we only got one life
Charlie was ready for his purpose even if I am dying…
Many videos were uploaded on the TikTok if you wanna see him exploring his new environment
And got in trouble trying to share a prescribed medicine!?!?
Go on then, penalize me…
I got more than ghosts under my bed…
Not covered by my insurance
But I ain’t scratching on bullets yet
If you are confused, I started a new treatment plan that my Primary doc put me on – it’s new – she has been to training on it – i didn’t have to go to the animal feed – and she said ID would prob not be on board (infectious disease like on ET) – only ID stated “you’re not suppose to take it that long” and I replied “I’m not ready to lose you or my medicine” but she refilled it and said she’d see me again in 2-3 months
It’s informed consent and my family don’t give a fuk and prob wish I’d hurry up and die – so i am taking my time – plus you’re my ride or die?
I blog. I’m a blogger. The spacebar NEVER works. The ai is DUMB. I want a polaroid. And now Gen Y leave their tech at the door… cuz I said I wanted a tech-free zone *rolls eyes* and now they have made a way to turn that idea viral
i hate u
sometimes
More times than not
Always stealing my ideas and making them better
Fucking snobs
Got some low dose something or another instructed to take at bedtime
It ain’t bedtime yet
Doc said it cures cancer
And the FEDS knocked down the door of the guy who made it and stated it? And she can’t get anyone in the VA to listen
I said “go on…
ID said i ain’t suppose to take it that long
But I mean it’s this or Mt Everest
Which means Utah cave crawling and I made them turn the light on for my MRI….
Prob Mt Everest
Ahh too late tho they changed the rules
Can’t go there to die (officially)
I ain’t going to Switzerland and getting in no death pod
Psst… it ain’t done yet. It takes about a decade to make this meal. But I always make it different and so I call it “witches stew”. Stew because I leave the veggies whole or chunky.
It smells like it will devour your soul (in a good way).
I dunno what you’re waiting on Hell to come? I have arrived Sat down outside With pen in hand But I’m out of ink? But these walls know what I think? Like considering heaven And the events to get me there then? It’s far from happening Though death is companying Like an uninvited guest at my deathbed I wanted you instead? Your words? Your calls? My phone a friend? Whom I can but can’t depend? Us against them? Gone yet united? The system? The stranger you’re lying with? Oh you know their name? Cool but I’m no longer hiding that I have gone insane? Maybe only temporary? Can’t take this to the pearly gates I’m expressing all my rage But I’m innocent The midnight moon glowing The avalanche down the mountain flowing Honestly, might be where I’m going? Since the mountains are the only ones who are calling!!! And hell froze over on me In the hottest parts of the city I was like wait a minute, “it is snowing” So that’s my reality And the neighbors building melting snowmen While my rage is burning within Yelling at the therapist, “I don’t like the sound of voices… except his” “Yours is okay, I actually admitted this”!?! Like I can handle a “handful” But not in succession “I quit group confession” But I really need a priest? My new doctor thinks she can fix what is inside of me? INFORMED CONSENT I’m ready to try it Left the doc a message “I’m pretty sick” Just got off the phone with a pharmacist But as far as my medicinal “I ain’t gotta quit” Thank fuck About to take a hit (Just hopepray this ain’t the culprit) Cuz coconut ain’t on the foods to eat And I ate a bit…. 🙂
They dilated my eyes this morning cuz i had my lookers examined – and at first it was without my glasses on – they are using a new method with a mirror and computer screen laser and I could see fuck all. She kept turning nobs “and now” and the panic set it “not like anything at all” and she did not realize my glasses were corrective (she thought just readers) and the instant relief we both had and the laughter coming from the room “i can see the smallest lines”
I ain’t blind
I mean, without glasses, I can see there’s a sign but I couldn’t tell you the name of the road
“You go a couple miles til you see Big Lots, now if you get to the Circle K you’ve gone too far”
And while you over there swing by the drive thru Little Caesar’s and get me one of them $10 stuffed crust
(Only they ain’t ten in my city, a couple more)
And I was at the grill at the VA today ordering 3 scrambled brown eggs
“You got any vegan turkey bacon or sausage”
“We got some Turkey bacon but it ain’t vegan”
“My doc says I can’t have no meat currently but some of us can’t be no vegetarian”
And an echo of “amen” “i hear that”
But I only got the toast and eggs
Wish I had got SIX SCRAMBLED
Next time double
I might be little but I got a big appetite
Greedy lil thang
It’s annoying how much I gotta eat to constantly be losing weight
But while being very sick I ordered Chipotle (not pizza) to get a salad and they had NO CHICKEN which I suddenly hate the taste of chicken?
So I got the beef
My body absorbed it
It said FUCK YEAH
Cuz I really needed some meat and I refuse pork but they were out of chicken and I hate chicken?
So to me the universe directed me to the “all beef”
The cow is in heaven now and my tummy
I will not make a habit tho
I’ve gone MONTHS without beef eating only chicken and then no meat for several weeks and almost died
You come cook the lentil meatloaf
I’m DYING
I need SOUP
My VEGAN SOUP
so that is my goal
Back to my homemade soups!
I thrive on vegan soup, spring water, and cashews.
Back to the basics for me
And oatmeal IS on the foods I can eat
Thank GOD
I literally cried cuz she said “no cereal” but to me oatmeal is cereal
The good oatmeal with berries im allowed
–
And I love eating eggs again?
I thought I hated eggs but now I will inhale them
Just eggs
No salt, no pepper
Scrambled. Grill. Buttered toast (i dunno if the toast is allowed) (please give me one piece of toast)
THANK YOU
(Claim the grits too) (Even tho they ain’t allowed)
There’s no benefits to corn
CABBAGE ON THE GOOD LIST THO
(I made a spicy vegan taco with cabbage – don’t overcook the cab) – it was fab)
P.S. i told the psych doc i did not need any help euthanizing myself if/when the time comes (if) and he upped my meds…. FYI
And I have to see him again in 3 weeks…
The truth is, I prob would need your help cuz I wouldn’t wanna burn in hell for all eternity
God would forgive you potentially
This isn’t an invite
You just need to prepare
In case
“Too analytical” but how the fuck else would you crunch the kinda numbers you do?
I math in my own way
You know I see things you don’t
And you understand the thing I see
Most days I’m sorting out which timeline I am in
(Is this why you don’t call)
(please don’t call)
It’s better if we write?
Getting new eyes. These were my choices. I was allowed 3 frames. 1 for reading, 1 tinted for driving, and one for day. Any extras I had to pay. So took the freebies. Cuz Ivermetin cost me $180 alone woot woot (but she thinks it’s gonna sort me)
Need the good prays
New eyes incoming soon
They do sell ray-bans but those ain’t free lol
I do like the 3 new frames incoming tho (the clear will be my readers, the purple/black the tint, and the cute feminine pair on top is for my dailyware
She said they made me look ten years younger 🙂
We’ll see 🙂
I also still have no computer cuz at war with big bro?
They dilated my eyes and I had to drive home in a big storm
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate. I do not like when the killer takes me to the corner and does something i’d rather not repeat… i like watching the killer go after my teammates – he will watch me watching him – i do not like when the killer hooks me *mad face* i do like when the killer chases me and carries me but lets me go… i don’t always want my team to be sacrificed and he should abide and sometimes they do… sometimes the killer will be acting so heated and shady i gotta calm him down… “i turned the killer friendly…” “maybe” “it could go either way”
…even the grey light was blinding
And I hope to get back to rhyming 🙂
More future updates/notes in rhyme mode?
Practice makes the perfects worse I swear
Pssst… waiting on a story from you
I wanna share my story ideas
Rough drafts
Maybe I’m afraid you’ll know how much I’m twisted?
These days, the script is written, no point in keeping it hidden? 🙂
“She’s a little kuku? But she’s harmless” “for now”
“..i wouldn’t go testing the waters or nothing”
“…the Army trained her you know…”
“Uncle Sam’s fault she’s that way”
“She’s like a gremlin”
“Just don’t feed her after midnight…”
I told the pill doc I had no prob euthanizing myself – i can be approved in Canada – when is the VA offering it
And he upped my meds…
Told him I be crying randomly in public or at home doing anything
It’s very rare to find a woke doc inside the VA but i’ve done did
And this is HUGE
the fact that it is in my records officially as a vaccine injury – despite the informed consent and non-traditional forms of treatment
And my new doctor has forbidden me to eat any meat or dairy (this should please the vegan?)
CARRAGEENAN FREE
I’m not allowed – furthermore – she removed me from my protein shake regime that the nutritionist had put me on – it has carriage in it or something (I’m not correcting the AI)
(More info I was given about my vaccine injury)
She was waving a book around, “i can’t get the VA on board, it’s not FDA approved, but you won’t need to go to the feed store”
And of course, I’ll have to pay out of pocket for the treatments
I won’t repeat everything said but it makes us sound super paranoid – but she unplugged from the Matrix
I specifically asked do I need to give up my medicinal and she said no
New treatment plan
She stated the international markets are okay to shop at, she specifically mentioned “black rice”
And now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even had black rice?
But you know, Walmart tried to kill me while I was paying for a membership
And it’s not hearsay because they sent me two emails telling me I was potentially exposed to E. coli and heavy metals
But to finally get someone inside, the VA to ACKNOWLEDGE and treat me for vaccine injury is huge, she also mentioned cancer
She doesn’t want it turning into cancer
I’m still losing weight but my labs look good, my kidneys, my liver
I’m on 10% energy – vaccine injury
(it is a side effect) (i’m not lazy)
I gotta give up the meat and the cheese, but I can keep the weed (legally)
no processed foods and I gotta go back in a few months. I didn’t see any mention of coffee on the list so we’re gonna have to have that discussion soon because I need to know, can I have coffee still?
Important stuffs
Anyway, I’m not in remission yet but my doctor has hooked me up with a connect that’s gonna get me ivermectin and I don’t gotta go to the feed store.
There’s also the long list from Amazon that I need to shop
Once I get my hands on the goods, and we’re looking roughly $300+ to start, and that’s not counting the grocery shopping for “the good food items”
Bananas are best when they’ve gone bad (you know when they’re mushy) that’s when they’re highest in whatever it was she said that was in there that I need (fiber?)
And I’m absolutely not allowed to do any more amoxicillin, she says that destroys my gut health
Cuz I broke out in a rash from the 2000mg that the dentist gave me
And had a two day migraine
She said cereal is bad
I’m not allowed cereal
I gotta get my diet under control if I don’t wanna die
(In summary: i don’t wanna die)
Oh you stayed?
From right now – no filter (but I swear they apply some sort of ugly filter when you don’t use a filter at all to try to force you to use a filter instead, but then I look in the mirror and I think it’s worse)
Ack
I’m going to a salon soon and I’m gonna see if they can remove some of these sunspots from my face and wrinkles (how much does Botox cost? Should I get a breast implant? Should I just pay off my ride?)
Byeee for now (and I really really really wanna catch up on y’all’s blogs. I really do. I really wanna go for a walk around the neighborhood. There’s so much I would like to be able to do and I just can’t?)
And I’m not autistic so you can let him know I’m not autistic but I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 16
I just laid my dog to rest and the great planetary alignment is happening
On my sister’s death anniversary the great Winter blizzard of 2025 hit Florida where 5 inches of snow was dumped on my head during my 5th awakening
And the day I learned of my dad’s passing, I saw a six minute double rainbow
and since I held my dog for the last time on Valentine’s Day, i’ve been stuck on Miller’s planet, where gravity is strong
There’s not just the singularity, to escape, but the event horizon
And i’m on 10%
Maybe less cuz the “gross” thing is happening, and while i’m saying “oh my god” while flushing the toilet, i’m also saying things like “good girl” we started our period
And yes, i still, after nearly 48 years, get blood on my panties
Despite every measure not to
I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
Those are bits of me, so much potential and possibility, being flushed down the drain
IT MAKES ME CRAZY
Also me: “thank you Lord for the river to wash me clean”
*sits by the river for days*
Him: what r u still doing down there?
Me: i told you not to look. stop looking
Him: *approaches closer*
Me: *throws a rock at his head. GO AWAY*
(He does go away but he brings me back some food and comfort and leaves it by the river)
(Now i’m grateful cuz i didn’t want to be alone or humiliated by him seeing me this way x every 3 weeks)
(He made me some cloth to help)
(Now I can leave the river)
(Now he has poisoned the cloth and the river cuz he thinks life is pointless)
I wanna see the Great Planet Parade
I asked God for a sign that my dog made it to heaven to be heaven’s mascot, that he crossed the rainbow bridge
Didn’t want his spirit stuck on earth cuz of me
I’ve been in a lot of emotional distress, but my ovaries have overtaken at the moment, but it normally takes about 36 hours or so for that to reside so I can just pursue the rest of my period without being curled up in a ball or the bed
Like leave me alone but bring food at the door
Games
Notes of “here when you’re ready” (not “when you need me” cuz don’t need the guilt for needing space to shed my dna)
Like I didn’t ask to be born and I don’t wanna die nor is life worth living
So – I am trying to include activities that do not include signing death warrants – the bottom pits of black holes – or anything with a cancer warning – that may actually make life worth living – but so far i just cry – feel dead and empty inside – like i have imposter syndrome – which is likely a side effect from jumping into this timeline – to save my own life – since my other self was incapable of such a task – and i am still course correcting for her – in and out of disassociation – crying about what i have done – despite spending hours in the mirror crying and begging myself to do what needed to be done
So been listening to songs of Faith and Devotion by Depeche Mode
Man will survive the harshest conditions / and stay alive / through difficult decisions / so make up your mind for me / Walk the line for me / if you want my love.
Just know, I will fucking cut the cord on you to save my life.
I will leave you behind.
I will do a blindside.
Fucking ruthless angel
Death of mercy
I mean
I will free you of your curse
That’s why you fucking love me. Will risk your life for me and leave your ministry to me and ask me to end your life.
I know you’d do it for me if I asked.
What a weak little pathetic fucking boy if you can’t fucking do what I ask.
They are literally couples who die together who fall ill
“So risk your health for me / if you want my love”
But you know, I would burn a bridge and build a wall before I fucking infected you and you hate me for it
You hate when you cannot reach me
Cuz I hate it too
I’m not jumping in a cold river to save my dog (they both died)
I’m never getting another dog again
I experienced psychosis when he died
Apparently, trauma grief is a real thing
I’m not just lost in purgatory. I’m circling the bottom of a black fucking hole.
Yesterday I ran on the treadmill
More like walk/sprint/run Army style but I got some running in!
Proud of the heart!
I’m not in remission yet but I gave up smoking again *sigh*
Marijuana now is just basically cocaine or heroin and you’re just constantly chasing the dragon high because they changed the DNA of it and fuck you
Maybe when I’m around to it I’m gonna write about my experience losing my soul dog and I did a witness cremation and I feel like I’ve grown up a little bit
Do you think every time something is born, there is less matter in the sun?
Don’t you feel a certain way around the trees?
Do you talk to the plants like me?
Do you have the blueprint on how to escape the singularity?
Can you write me a poem or story? About anything?
But for an added challenge: because i am not obsolete and a part of the community!?! – the theme or topic could be a dog finding his way to heaven? The rainbow bridge?
Anyone wanna AI my good boy and create some art? Or digitally add a bridge or something? It wasn’t his fault he got sick.
RIP Sammie 2011-2025
All dogs go to heaven? He got a viking cremation for the warrior he was. Well, it wasn’t on the water. But his body was cleansed, his spirit released. That’s the idea right?
Honestly, I’d rather talk about my period right now or nothing at all.
We can talk about tacos. I’m craving tacos.
Let’s just not talk.
I’d rather hear you typing that story on the typewriter until I fall asleep.
*light language involved used as a form of artistic expression and not hurting anyone*
Remember, I told you I was trying to sort out my real life because it’s priority?
Well, I might be moving to Colorado
I gotta pray about it and sleep on it and all that shit but my heart is pretty much set on going to Colorado because the mountains have been calling me and I’ve been lost in purgatory and not exactly sure the direction I want to go until I reached out to my Chaplain and now my Compass is starting to turn to that direction, which is great because I was already considering Montana or Utah or somewhere out of the south because I’m like literally fucking done with the south like I’m done with the fucking south, you know
I spent time in Colorado when I was working in the military, I fell in love with the mountains and got married to them
They’re calling me home….
Six months is all you need to become someone new, remember? only I’ve got about five months left to make my move 🙂
Lease is up in July and takes about 30 days to close
I need a big big change
Homeowner sounds nice
Being in remission sounds nice
Getting his digits before either of us move or die sounds even nicer
I just threw the metaphorical dice
I mean, I have been praying for it
Direction
A husband
Clean bill of health for my second half
I told my chaplain that when I train it’s like I’m climbing mountains, but keeping my heart rate low
Like them people in the caves when they watch their friends die, they have to stay calm or they’ll die too
But I’m not in a cave. I’m normally just on the treadmill or my rebounder. Keeping my heart-rate low
Starting to hold weights and shit over my head, you know, calisthenics or whatever because my heart is not strong enough to do things
And it’s amazing how much my body is responding to the things I’m doing I feel like I’m gaining superpowers, even though I’m just going back to the basics of what the army taught me
today I woke up and got on the treadmill for 30 minutes and man it felt so fucking good to just have all that time remaining in the morning to haven’t even had coffee yet and I’ve already hydrated with coconut water and fitness and I was like “fuck it’s only 7:30 AM”
I have so much time to figure out my life when I’m not trying to fucking push out content on social media for it to be NOT EVEN RECOMMENDED IN THE FOR YOU FEED
OH YEAH
I was given no warning that it had been shadowbanned and thus the time to appeal it had expired
Oh yeah
You know they keep over 50% of the profits you make them all the while beating you down
I don’t need social media. I need a fucking husband.
And find a house to buy and some land and then I got to fucking pack all of my things and move across country all the while mourning the loss of a relationship with a guy I never even got cause Walmart tried to fucking kill me twice and so I’ve already ended my subscription with them and deleted my fucking account and the place I go shopping now doesn’t have any recalls at all
And I’m currently going through my fifth spiritual awakening, that’s why 5 inches of snow was dumped on my fucking head during my blood sister’s death anniversary
M’KAY
I also wrote a poem or two
I’ll probably share those in a different post.
when I calm down
from the constant atrocities
I told my chaplain I was lost in purgatory and running from the devil
Once I get to Colorado, I can get baptized again cause he baptized me in basic training, you know, but he would probably drive down to Florida to give me a baptism if I asked for it
I was praying for direction and guidance and I’m back in my chaplain’s life
I’m reconnecting with my aunt again
She definitely will help me in the homebuying process you know just the moral support of it as well as my chaplain who’s already involved
sleeping beauty they make it look all cute when someone’s being disassociative and a guy comes and wakes you up from some fucking spell you know, but in reality, that’s not how it works
I knew that he was everything that I would ever want and simultaneously built my wall so high before I got here. I don’t know,I didn’t want to drown someone while I was drowning but the reason I’m drowning is cause I needed him. It’s complicated whatever I’ve got to chill the fuck out there are lessons to be learned here.
I’ll be carving in the mountains your name
Maybe one day I’ll have my legends of the fall bear moment
But hopefully we won’t have to deal with anything like that but hot chocolate and a fireplace?
maybe just the hot chocolate
I don’t know if dying opened up some super awareness inside of me, but I can see all the time all around me the many ways in which you could die
The army trained me to be observant and maybe I’m just too observant you know because when I got a brain injury, it cracked open the light and I see everything now
In fractals
Isn’t it harder to breathe because I remember it being really hard to breathe in Colorado and that was before I got a heart and lung injury
I didn’t stay long enough to get acquainted. I was only there a week, but I mean I was there long enough to get married to the mountains.
The Great Outdoors are calling me
I’m dying down my social networks for a bit so I can focus on my real life, but I may bring you some updates on my blog, where I am also shadowbanned
It just means I’m doing something right because Type O Negative (a rock band) was banned from Germany and now Germany worships that band
Imagine being told you can’t perform in a country and that you’re not allowed back
or how Edgar Allan Poe couldn’t get any of his writings published because they too shadowbanned him
*laughs insanely*
I still have some of his words tattooed on me
*current photo*
On my ribcage
Where it felt like a crucifixion and I kept telling my fucking tattoo artist, I wanted to fucking kill her so you know
I was like maybe we should just stop here and have it half done and she’s like I’ll be done soon. I was like I need a break and I had to have been her worst client but we made it through together.
Even with my hate and all
she probably even would-of tattooed me again because we were friends forever after that on Facebook and everything you know
but I just now got back on Facebook my God I’ve been approving people from six years ago
I don’t know who’s who anymore
Except some faces are really familiar and I’m so glad to be back in these haunted halls
Some people are responding to my “oh hi” and some people haven’t even been on their own profiles in 10,000 years and other people are wondering where they’re at but I’m dropping “I’m still alive” postings anyway
Now I have you know bands that I love looking at my fucking story on Facebook and I’m like why aren’t they on TikTok seriously though I mean, why aren’t they on TikTok?
Todd Kerns, you know who plays bass for slash and Kev from Candlebox, I mean, I like this person, I once was
Trent Reznor still has me as his friend because he’s been deleting people. He’s not at his maximum 5K anymore, but I didn’t get pulled or culled
*would die*
Crosby @ VAST you know was full, but I sent a friend request. Of course he immediately approved me.
And there are others and more
This is the music i miss and adore
The people
Cev from Skinny Puppy
We friends
I mean, they know I’m alive and I’m so glad they’re fucking alive because fires be burning everywhere huh?
Kind of feels nice to be welcomed back in my own yard and have like people care that I’m there
Family, friends, and so on
I was gone for six years. They didn’t delete me and I’m gonna disappear again.
OK, some have not forgiven me OK like Alex he has not forgiven me from removing him from my Instagram or probably talking to his ex
Well he doesn’t remove me when I go follow Unfollow follow back and he also doesn’t respond to any of my comments or messages I send him even though I know he’s fucking reading them likely OK
He’s still my muse
I have no ill will
Against my great music loves
Lol
I couldn’t imagine showing up at a gig though and being banned from it like no you’re not welcome here that would be – I don’t know – humiliating and life ending – if life gets that bad for me where the musicians I support don’t want me to come to their gigs then Someone needs to come have a talk with me or something
That’s not reality though OK

I prob thought i’d be a ghost in my own hometown
People want me to haunt them
I have to try to recover my account at some point, but I’ll just wait until I completely lose access before I attempt that because right now I can still contact Mark Z.
I don’t know if him and I are friends or if I’m just following him over there, but it’s his official one and he’s responded to me before in the past you know, but I haven’t been over there in six years so he ain’t seen me in a minute, but I’ve already been active on his profiles already since I’ve been back.
U follow?
I posted “I’m here, but I don’t know for how long”
Hard to say goodbye to ends
Likely disappear again
I like drifting in the wind
I like meeting new friends
I might try again….
I’m on the mend
I mighta slightly begged him to return to Facebook
It’s weird though, because when Trent Reznor got off Facebook, so did I, but neither one of us really left
🙂
Symbiotic
I mean, I did ask him to marry me on his fucking message board when I was like 16 or something and he was flattered and that has to be archived somewhere with my username Delia
Things don’t really last forever on the Internet like we were told though
I was kind of being silly and asked him a serious question afterwards and he really enjoyed the music questions that I asked him, which I can’t recall at the moment and I’m sure I screenshot it it at some point, but you know where are those files
I haven’t even met Trent Reznor yet and I worry I’ll cry when I meet him
What is he on, like baby number six with MariQueen? 7?
Life is just totally unfair sometimes
Cause I would’ve had seven babies with some guy if he wanted seven babies with me and now I’m fucking nearly dead
Cause he didn’t have fucking nearly 7 babies with me!!!!
We could have started at 13!
WTF!!!!!!!!
Stole my goTdamn life!!!!!!
Made me fucking wait until it was too late!!!!
I hate the fucking nihilism in this world, and you know I’ll be dropping all the complaints into my chaplains inbox
He still loves me after all this time
I don’t even know where I go when I get lost. I just say I’ve been in purgatory.
I think if I get a watch with a compass, I’ll feel a lot more grounded. You know honestly it’s just back to the basics. That’s what I keep telling myself.
Standing on first base
I was in Trent’s fanclub
Bring back message boards and fanclubs
NO ADS
People were fucking mean to me on the NIN board but not Trent
All fans are mean to me cause I hang out with the bands
“I’m with the band”
I’m legit the kinda fan they want at shows
I feel them notes
Probably what brought me to this hell
Vanity
And I know that men would probably prefer if I wore makeup and dyed my hair, but there’s also the sense of that they get to see me in whatever chaotic state I choose to be in
and right now it’s
“I might be turning into a white cub”
Always a cub, never a cougar
Cuz some guy asked my age once when older (but i look so young?) and he said i was a cub still
Yep and now always
Stop asking me my age when I’m working so hard to look younger than the new generation who look as old as me already right
?!?
It’s crazy though because they’re 30 they already got rid of their sex organs and turned gray so they actually have to dye their fucking hair
And they don’t want kids because they’re fucking nihilist
“Life’s too expensive” they claim
“I’m depressed, that’s child abuse”
Whatever propaganda trend they follow – it all leads to nihilism like a black hole
We just got our hot water back and this is what I look like living through a fucking winter storm without hot water for over a week
I’m basically exhausted living in this apartment because there’s always something fucking wrong
I had the heat out for a week during the storm. I had the toilet out for a week during Thanksgiving now I had the hot water out during the blizzard.
I am not where I’m meant to be
Cancer still grows in low gravity and mold it’s on the ISS
And they plan to drop it in the fucking ocean by the way
“We don’t know why the fish are dying”
Well, for one you need to stop over fishing
And you need to start putting your biggest catch back
I’m still friends with some of my past lovers oh my
I must’ve been not that bad of a girlfriend
Cuz they married n all
And i’m still over here “single never married”
But surely they’re rooting for me?
it’s crazy how I distance myself so far from people and they’re like an email away?
A phone call?
If I could only remember?
How to keep a log?
How to not lock yourself out of your own accounts?
Don’t uninstall TikTok if you wanna reinstall it back
Luckily, I still had it downloaded on my Samsung tablet, but I had to update it so it wasn’t even in sync with my Apple one which I found that my bio wasn’t concurrent
So who knows if it’s accurate or not cause I can update it on one and it won’t update on the other
I thought we got rid of segregation, but man I mean literally what the fuck
I told my chaplain I was trying to get clean and he asked me what from what kind of drugs and I was dropping the seven sins like they were hot
I don’t drink and I’m trying to quit medicinal, but he doesn’t care that I do medicinal and I don’t do drugs
Just trying to cleanse the devil out of me
And the MOLD
People keep trying to ask me what kind of cancer I’ve got even though I’m like pre cancerous you know and mold is cancer. It’s hard to get through to them because people’s labs are fine up until they’re like stage four or some shit anyway right
I have an appointment coming up with my doctor and I may request a PET scan, but I’m not going under for anything. I’m basically denying any kind of fucking service.
My body, my choice
The VA don’t seem to understand
Cause they seem like they might start forcing vaccines on people before they enter
And then try to keep your benefits from you if you don’t get the vaccine to enter, and I can just see like a revolution happening that I’m not even gonna be part of
Like oh yeah
What’s next you gonna try and hold me down and give it to me
The millennials, Gen Z?
Try and hold me down?
Gen X?
The most dangerous generation to ever exist?
Is that spit on me?
Did you just fucking ghost me?
It’s weird being a fallen angel cause it’s like I have the keys to heaven and hell
But I wanna make it home to heaven
But i’m caught up in all these sins
Hard to explain to people I’m trying to get clean from my past
my chaplain instantly understood though you know I’m just going through a spiritual cleansing. I wasn’t sure what fucking number I was on four or five but I just had 5 inches of snow dumped on my head so I’m pretty certain I’m in my fifth awakening.
This is the Sunshine state
The second level of hell
And it just froze
*hi*
When something is so hot it’s actually cold and vice versa
You can’t tell if an object is round or flat in deep space
I watched a demonstration
I also learned that the moon landings were rehearsed by a very good director here on earth and that famous quote that Neil said actually was recording on earth because you know we didn’t have a fucking landline from earth to the moon or any sort of communication communications, you know like that
Also they drove through the Van Allen belt, but not one of them got cancer, but everybody on earth has cancer but them?
I dunno
My conspiracy knows no bounds
I got more rounds to fire
I need to get off social media so I can focus on getting my real life in order
But also, I’m nearly locked out of all of my accounts and some of that is my own fault and some of that is our governments
The New World order has been taken over
And I’m just like is there coffee or hot chocolate?
if the neighbor gave me a cup of coffee with, “will you be my valentine” written on it, the answer would most definitely be yes?
He thinks I’m running away from him, but I’m running away from everybody
It’s literally what I’m training my body for, to climb a fucking mountain and now I have a good chance to do that especially if I do move somewhere where there are fucking mountains, you know
Only, i can barely run around the block
But I’m so proud of how far my body has come, from wearing a heart monitor and being on bedrest, to packin my bags again and potentially buying a fucking house?
i’ve been approved for a whopping 300k but i DO NOT want to go that high
And I need to be able to afford the property taxes
So it might be a fixer-upper
I’ve got five months to sort shit and I don’t want to be in another lease
I think I’m gonna uninstall it again
And taking a LONG social media break
Maybe permanently like some of my friends have done
Never heard from them again
Hey, some of them disappeared so much their own family hasn’t heard from them
And yeah, they told me they were disappearing and they did pop out a couple times to say hi to me you know, but those were the last times
it inspires me to get off-line too for good
It’s big bro we’re running from lol
The politics
The arts
The science
Society
YOU WERE TRIED AND YOU WERE FOUND WANTON
Imagine getting to buy 1 to 5 acres anywhere in the United States that you wanted if you could just fucking find some direction
Of all the things someone could do with their money, you know
I feel like a SIM, just give me the land and we’ll go from there 
I just feel like any move I make is gonna be the wrong move because this is hell.
They have sucked all incentives out of doing anything in society
by the time you get your vehicle paid off you need to get another one. It’s gonna take the same amount of time so you’re just basically renting forever and I don’t even wanna play my PlayStation anymore cause if I don’t have the membership, I don’t have access to the games that I’m paying for so I’m basically just renting them forever And now I’m getting ready to sell my fucking PlayStation
I kept thinking getting a computer would be better, but they don’t even have SimCity anymore
it’s all pay to play
*yawn boring
Back to cards and board games
Playing in the dirt
Letting my hellhound stay out so long we both were getting frostbite
It was snowing in hell
I mean the sunshine state 2nd level of hell
I was in level 7
Now level 2
And on awakening number 5
Wait, something ain’t adding up
Or is it?
Could you explain dimensions to me like I’m a child?
My brain relies on signals and chemicals to navigate
People breathe in dead air and caves
People climb mountains and die from the cold weather or fall off cliffs
I just wanna start a garden. I know that sounds boring, but it’s complicated growing your own food. It’s also magical but it’s not easy work being self reliant and sufficient but it’s the life I wanna build
Upgrade to premium to remove ads?
Instant re-uninstall
The government is out of control
No NEW WORLD ORDER
I did not vote for this
In fact, the last time I voted, I was warning against Trump apparently and that was a long time ago because the last time I voted was Gary Johnson (twice)
There was an attempt to go vote for another third-party, but when I made it to the school, I nearly committed suicide so I turned around and came back home and now I’ve you know quit politics altogether and that was prior to Obama – i didn’t vote for Obama. I voted for the other guy you know – the military war vet now dead
Yeah him
Johnson was my last real goal at change
They took away our rights with the Bush signing statements
I didn’t vote for him either
I voted for Al Gore
I’ve denounced science 
I think I’m done with social media too
Like come find me in the real world in some well kept tiny little coffee shop in the corner reading spoken word
I’d still rather not read from my phone and fuck up in front of you
You get to see the behind-the-scenes in real time
The Bloopers
Or maybe I read my lines from an actual journal or book but never from the fucking phone or tablet no no probably not even a fucking monitor prompt or whatever they’re called Teleprompter huh?
if they keep cutting down the trees out here, I’m not responsible for how I’m gonna respond
They’re turning Florida into a concrete city 
They don’t clean
Florida has a mold issue
But I learned that it even grows in space so is less oxygen gonna be good for me 
All them taxes?
I want to pay my home off in 15
I still would rather buy land and put a new manufactured home on it
You can buy a brand new one starting at $43,000
that’s less than a new Jeep or ride
It’s 2 AM so technically I can start having coffee right because I’m not allowed to have it past noon and I’d probably go back to sleep at least from 5 to 9 AM but then that means I would fuck up my entire morning routine of working out but sometimes it’s nice to get sleep during that period. Cause it’s really my favorite time to sleep is when the sun is coming up And I really do.
Sleep
Like now – which i should be doing
But maybe the devil is nocturnal
This is a good time to poison him
I called my nurse again and said I was having difficulty breathing again so she refilled my prescription and I’ll be seeing my doctor soon but the VA is trying to take her from me
The one that took me four years to get to
I swear when I drop a lawsuit on the VA for medical misdiagnose and medical mistreatment, it’s gonna be a long list of female doctors
And nurses
And I don’t forget their fucking faces or names
My new doctor slowly turned her chair around and was like “whoa” and I was like “they’re the reason I’m nearly dead”
It was the way she slow extended her hands
Like “i’m not your enemy” but my vibe is “you kinda are”
I’m probably to blame for crawling in the hole, but they’re definitely to blame for dropping me on my fucking head and gaslighting me the entire fucking time
Stop asking me what’s wrong with me OK just know I’ve got some health issues going on and it’s not contagious. You’re not gonna fucking catch it.
It’s just there’s another doctor out there that they shut up and he says that cancer does spread. It is contagious can spread and many people when they get it cut out of them that actually makes it worse. It makes it spread. That’s why the cancer always comes back you know so I don’t want anybody cutting on me and I’ll try to eradicate it with some sunshine and prayer and eat healthy and all that but otherwise I’m choosing hospice I’m done with doctors.
And seeing as I’m a really good combat medic, I will take care of my own self to the end. I will be my own hospice care in my own house wherever I decide to die because I should have that choice to be able to die in my own motherfucking home
And these people we be leasing from they seem to forget that this is our fucking residence when our name is on it and they keep coming up with all these little stupid rules on how they can invade our privacy. No, I’m fucking done. OK I’m having medical emergencies. I’m dying get the fuck out of my house. Stop with your bullshit 24 hour fucking inspections or lawsuit is coming on you too.
p.s. today i learned (which was yesterday) that 30% of firefighters are prisoners making $10 a day & they can’t use the job as a reference when they get out – or be hired officially as one (cuz criminal).
now this is speculation (this part) but they musta put all the officially trained firefighters at the Getty museum and left the prisoners to sort the mansions in the valley
some of them might be going through an awakening right now
they know you worship them so will ask for handouts
the majority fled to another safe house
meanwhile NC TN & HA have had their land stolen by the government
there’s a few mansions in the hills that stood
they have hope
im just waiting on the “evicted” portion due to toxic land and water like they did for the commoners
i wouldn’t want to be under that but you insisted to put out that tiny flame
mansions are burning to the ground love
ha ha ha
ha ha!
herrrrrr!
errrrr
😐
how does that REM song go again?
i feel fine?
p.s.s.s.s.stimesinfinitys.s.s.s(9)[9]: i miss your poems and stories not written about me x2
🙂
i love squirrel and i love you 🙂
but not the staff 🙂
I NEED A BIGGER SMILEY FACE
and can you tell the dark haired neighbor he can come out his home
i ain’t no criminal lol
i ain’t no bum
i’m just LOST IN PURGATORY AND ON THE MOVE AGAIN
i hate it here and it’s not cuz of him!
i hope he ate the candy! i’m still eating on mine!
tell the cancer FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU
so u gave it most away to someone who could handle the treats better
they cost a lot
i hope they were ate
halloween is a favorite season and NOT ONE PERSON CAME TO TRICK OR TREAT
wah
LAME LAME LAME
i want to live in a neighborhood and give out BIG TREATS and water bottles
I DID!
but boomers be scared of worldwide candies?
whereas the other gens enjoy treats from other countries
it’s not like they worry about what is put in american food! it aint food! it aint real chocolate or cheese!
i like to shop in the international aisle
i lived in Germany nearly 3 years (minus a war)
DO U KNOW HOW OLD I AM
HOW LETHAL
but i aint your enemy nor the candy
im sorry i was cold to you
walmart was trying to kill me
THERE ARE ZERO RECALLS AT PUBLIX FYI
im trying to find land2buy
please say hi 😦
before you move 😦
before i move 😦
NO ILL WILL
from now on only poetry in the form of commentary
m’kay
remember when i wore makeup and dresses and performed spoken word not read from a device? remember when i shared behind-the-scenes of forgetting lines?
remember when i had long hair and i stopped using filters?
what happens when there are no more lines, hair, or teeth?
will you still love me?
look at all the centuries we crossed to ghost one another again?
i love you but i dont love the staff
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR (JUST DEPENDS ON WHICH ONE)
IT AIN’T YER BRO YO
*giggles*
where is that pdf file i castrated into the void?
he ain’t texted me back since i blocked him for calling me “gross” for being on my period again
WRONG ANSWER
PIZZA NOW
but please im trying to become vegan so i only eat chicken
i love her because the mountains are fair and deserving she is lethal but she will not hurt me like falling for gravity then question why it’s not working why won’t the earth unearth me?
he’s a beautiful creation i hope you protect him with all of heaven like the ocean is waving his energy is saving
i saw him and i went into fawn mode. i just stood there starring – unable to look away? so he waved but went the other way?
but he waved, he acknowledged my existence?
he did not break his neck to look away?
the doctor mentioned the C word yesterday
she wants more testing
but i am D-O-N-E with modern medicine
i have chosen the holistic route
OK?
medical malpractice is common
just ask all my dead comrades – oh wait
even i don’t talk to the dead (much)
im 50 kilos
she’s like “what did you weigh when you came to me”
im like “130ish”
she said “20 pounds in a year is not good”
hard to explain to a gaslighting demon that i am starving the cancer devil out of me
i stopped telling doctors anything
“the pills aren’t working, i don’t have a gun” (not necessarily in that order)
i mean, none of your business?
and really the “no i don’t have anything to hurt me” is kinda true
my safety items are for my protection, not yours (insert silly emoji with tongue out)
it’s why i leave my house again
except… i don’t go anywhere
cause and effect my love
have fun
i can’t take my eyes off of you
she was so happy i got a table for my sunroom
she said a “tea table” and i said yes
she said i want to come visit you
and my response made it seem like i wanted to put her to work
i gotta work on my communication
i remember yelling at Gavin Rosssale (of the band Bush) – who i drove several hours to go see – who stopped instantly signing autographs and taking pictures with others AS SOON AS he heard me CALLING HIS NAME
and he came and i yelled “do you even know who the fuck i am” and his eyes went big and my eyes went big and my mouth slightly fell open cuz i meant to nicely and sweetly say “do you remember me” but alas he did tweet me “it was great to see me” THE NEXT MORNING
i deleted my twitter tho (not the next morning)
(i remember when i quit facebook because trent reznor did)
(i remember the feeling when Trent approved me into his 5k friends list and i never needed to ask)
it only took him 6 months to approve cuz he was off making babies? but he knew my name from the old NIN message boards, where he use to roam, and i asked him to marry me when i was 16
HE DID NOT SAY NO
he was flattered and answered my actual musical questions
i just needed to know if he would marry me first
i remember when he returned to facebook but not really so i did too
NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH TRENT REZNOR
YES I COULD POTENTIALLY CRY IF I EVER MET HIM
NO I DO NOT WORSHIP ANY FALSE IDOLS OR GODS
he has YELLOW FEVER AND I ALMOST HATE HIM
plus i am GEN X – the most dangy genny yep
you fucked up when you took my voice and now you wanna take my guns
YOU THINKTHAT IS AIR YOU ARE BREATHING NOW
she wants to come here, i want to go there (in my best Beetljuice voice)
“i want out, you wanna get me out”
yes i do
(just in case you are confused, i kinda fell for my neighbor who probably would fall for my best friend)
neither one of them are obsolete
i am overcoming the worst migraine
THE DEVIL CAN GET FUCKED
i have not been doing much of anything but trying to not die
cause she takes two hours to get ready even if she takes food breaks in between
she speaks more languages than I do and she just now learned English a year ago and she’s better at it than I am
i felt bad for not having a husband or boyfriend
but she said she had a boyfriend
i might of heard “too long”
“would rather be alone”
LIKE WHAAAAA
SHE IS EFFIN BEAUTIFUL AND BRIGHT
i wanted to tip – she had a hard time accepting – it was a way of saying thank you – but she wanted to know if we could be friends “do i accept” and i fucking did “yes i accept” – so the tip felt offensive to a friend? but i asked her to enjoy her sunday, she wanted crab noodles, her favorite, with the money
cuz i even said if we were shopping together “as friends” i would want to buy her lunch
she seemed really offended by a tip kinda – like maybe just had a hard time accepting it
others chimed in – it was a way of showing gratitude
i didn’t want to cheapen her existence
maybe the tip was TOO LOW (it was $20)
but culturally they DO NOT TIP
i don’t think
based on how it went
hope she enjoys her favorite noodles tho
and maybe alone so she can really enjoy them
Because I can’t imagine that she’s not married and would rather be alone
like wha
she popped one them things when she got to 20k likes, her first
WHAT A GREAT IDEA
so fucking smart
WHY IS SHE SO PRETTY
cause she’s probably beautiful outside of all the clothing and the jewelry that takes her literally two hours to get ready
”plus eating”
her boyfriend should be her husband and BRINGING HER TREATS AND MEALS WHILE SHE DOLLS UP
i wanna be her best friend in real life *insert crying emoji*
i’m moving to China *more crying emoji*
but i did order the jade rose ring despite her telling me it’s not the same color as the necklace Jade rose
she seemed to really want me to have that butterfly jade necklace and I really did want it so I wound up getting that too
i do have my eye on some pearl
she reminds me “expensive”
but apparently they do have cheap pearl too
and diy pearl stuff
but I love when she brings out the light and discusses the quality and the clarity and which is better and which is not as good 
pearl vs shell
i like the red – i will say, and she responds “ruby” cuz she’s smart
she says i have rich taste
so sometimes she does not want to sell me something of lesser quality cuz she already knows me better than i know myself
swear
she learns quickly about what people like, she’s a businesswoman
“friends”
she has amazing pieces
i think they actually break oysters for pearls I have not seen that yet but someone requested that during a live
pearl is pricey tho
i like to pay in advance to show im real serious
cause people be claiming shit and then not paying after she works so hard
they have cloth? bracelets too
string of sorts but nice
rope prob is the correct term
and it looked like ceramic or glass or some sort of charm you could use and they could be changed out and you could wear it as a necklace if you wanted
i asked her if she had any lucky cat and she did have some lucky cat and I think I actually got a lucky cat that was just a cheaper little item you know
a lucky cat bracelet
I think I’m also getting a surprise gift but she just didn’t wanna show me
I also got a gift she let me pick out but it was something I had already picked out and claimed and paid for it but she said she was going to give to me for my birthday?
so i dunno
she kept calling me a princess
she said i looked like a princess
and i accepted a friendship tonight
it was so cute tho
“do you accept”
well i’m not saying no
i accept to the point that i repeat “i accept” so there is no misunderstanding in “yes”
my hair might be falling out but I’ve got some Jade coming
And she’s clearly not a fucking vegan or vegetarian and I would still take her to get her favorite fucking noodles crab noodles or whatever they are because I’ve never had crab noodles and you’ve never had biscuits that were homemade?
should get some flour
I said I was doing laundry and cooking this weekend and I don’t think that’s very princess behavior
going for crab noodles and taking two hours to get ready and eating while getting ready sounds more like princess behavior
I need to make some more changes in my life
regarding the poem: Time passes quickly when you’re not having fun
The live was amazing and has nothing to do about the poem
I was not bored during the live
i’ll probably be putting Kaya in a poem soon tho
i mean MY GOD
LOOK AT HER
STOP LOOKING AT HER
she did invite me to be her friend and I accepted but the poem is unrelated to this
need to make that clear
GO BUY SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF OR YOUR LOVER FROM HER
BE KIND AND DO NOT WASTE HER TIME
PAY AHEAD
TIP HER BETTER THAN ME
LIKE WAYYYYYYY BETTER
GO SUPPORT HER LIVESTREAMS
TOMORROW IS HER SUNDAY
I AIN’T NEVER OWNED A REAL PEARL OR SEEN ONE CRACKED OPEN TWO LIVES IN SO NO WORRIES
it would be interesting to see tho
most pearls are man-made these days anyway right you know this right
look into how they are made
I WANT A CLASSIC SINGLE PEARL NECKLACE I THINK
but currently I GOT JADE
A rose jade ring and necklace, butterfly jade necklace
and yeah the butterfly jade ring is nice too but I ain’t purchased it yet
i didn’t realize i had a chocolate crumb stuck to my lip. try to look put together and yet…
there’s one other with the flash accidentally on
no self-esteem for selfies
mirrors hold energy
negative energy
mirrors spread narcissism is a plague
mirrors cast spells
Skeleton Key is a fantastic movie – they just do not make them the same
i’m kinda nearing that scene where i want to put salt around me in a circle
KEEP BACK DEMONS
*hisses*
probably something i would do if cops approached me
“we got us a crazy one”
would the good doctor come see me?
“she’s on the news…”
let’s just keep this one for the pages m’kay
i ain’t trying to cause no trouble
no sir
“your honor, my lawyer told me to lay low and avoid the slumlords”
“ain’t my fault them toilets are never working and there’s a backlog two months long”
“it was a toxic relationship”
“they’re vampires”
“money hungry vampires”
“my lawyer said not to pay June rent”
“i counter sue”
“they nearly killed me”
“bear”
i have written a poem or two more
i don’t know if anything is worth sharing
i still have a visitor or three
never have i loved someone the way i have you
probably something i would say during a drinking game in front of your buddies all in a circle
really embarrass you
but i would be the one to get up and leave
and you wouldn’t come after me
and your buddies will notice
too bad you all want love with a prostitute – or whatever label you wanna give em
“call girl”
75% do not want love with you or anyone
“25% chance”
no, not even that
they have to disassociate to fuck you
you pay to take them to dinner and they smile while you talk
they rub your back when you enter
i fucking hate you all
something i remind myself frequently when i get the feels
usually my period
none of you thought i was good enough
just want us eating birth control like candy and using us as fleshlights and oh no birth rates are down (nihilism)
meanwhile, i never took birth control and i’m bleeding from my legs
“don’t look”
“that’s still looking!”
i can’t wait to burn my apple device
that fucking bitten fruit
eve spit it out, it was rotten
Adam laughs “fuck you, Adam” eve replies
Adam was gay
The pharaohs
LGBT
i fell down the rabbit hole again
The great pyramid scheme / the great wall of deceit
Yesterday I told my friends in the mainland that they could go ahead and ship out my package on the fifth and 20 minutes later I got a notification that my package had shipped because for me it was the fourth but I guess for them it was already the fifth so ha
i’m also getting 222 and 333 and so on reminders again that “God is still here”
and the watch ticking on my wrong wrist – love to hear it
weirdly calming to my heart
helps when i am triggered too
i feel like i am spinning without direction in space “i’m losing you”
“what is your location now!”
“i can’t see you!”
GRAVITY
i prefer the land
not the tunnels, not the boats
this place is showing signs of sink_____.
sometimes Florida swallows you whole
no body bag to leave in
i wanna lay low but not that low
hope JJ is still around
casting his shadow from another realm
if a ghost can leave a shadow behind
it would look similar to a radiation burn on a building
God used the same blueprints
the way peeling bark can look like lizard leaning or same a squirrel up to something
killed one but let the other live, i cannot know a thing
“don’t come around here”
“i told yah”
it’s definitely hormonal though because some days I’m willing to fight and other days I’m willing to fucking create
The problem is most people are destroying faster than things can create because nihilism is rampant
and if stats are 3 to 5 people have an STD we can assume that they are sterilized and unable to have any children
Sterilization is happening in so many different ways though
as long as the rich can continue ivf abominations
if you’re offended it’s not my problem
you can continue to shadow ban me but every checkmark page that shows up on my fucking profile I’m gonna block it
any time i get a penalty for anything – BLOCKFEST
using a favorite song but getting an “unoriginal video removal penalty” – bye bye band – BLOCKY
i can keep going because I block people just looking at FYP videos and reading comments that have nothing to do with me or the creators video
even with the shadowbans and blocking sprees, i’ve somehow managed to linger around 5k on the potential tiktok ban
fighting for my life still so making content is not priority number one
recently i reached out to an old schoolmate and then i casually blocked them
i wasn’t trying to get back into their life
just having revelations
“like remember that time you stoned me”
need a sling and rock me thinks
moving into that portion of the Bible/Matrix
when they take on the giants/ mr smith
“got any weapons on you”
the cop telling me i need to take a walk to cool off
honey, you need to take a walk to lose some of that fat
he’s a fucking cop and I’m dying and I make better attempts at keeping up with my health than he does
i’m on the damn MRI table sitting in a hospital gown that’s 100 times my size too big and telling the doctor I’m not “marriage material” and he’s like “what? well if you think it’s your looks it’s not that…”
my damn mechanic thinks i’m fit
like no
my back arms are jelly
i need to work on my triceps and my booty gains and i’m not getting to do anything but try to fucking not have my throat close up on me in this fucking toxic environment
And do I just pay the rent or do I go through all the legal fucking bullshit to tell the landlord fuck you you ain’t get another dime from me?
The headache and stress involved in doing this and also trying to quit weed medicinal again at the same time and moving on my own and just everything
I already turned in my notice to vacate and I did send out the certified stuff
this place is a dump and the law is on my side – but there are obstacles and headaches involved – they make it so – the librarian even pointed it out “The forms the landlord needs are easy to find and accessible but not the tenants” (cuz i was embarrassed i could not do a simple task)
He would send a cease and desist to stop the eviction process and im gone anyway he said
“dont pay june rent – ride it out until xyz”
im ready to post reviews and give one star ratings
“if you like living with cockroaches, mold, and crime, where half the amenities posted online are nonworking and the slumlords gaslight you daily, you found the right space…”
“see piccys”
the blm community have children and teenagers stealing packages and banging on doors
i would like to try again, under my own pen, to blog again.
it’s just, i don’t feel like people like when i come around their blogs and socialize
and i mean fuck, look at my past homicidal / suicidal behavior – i nearly didn’t make it out
i’m still 100 foot below the surface wanting a phone call from you
you’d probably have to get a new number because I think I locked you out of my life the way I locked myself out of Facebook
sometimes i stop and mourn the loss of my sister and dad
it’s like being in and out of consciousness
I wish I could disassociate for a few days and then it be time to move but there’s too much to get done and not a second to lose
note to self: if where i’m going is terrible, I don’t have to stay there for seven fucking years
i have weird addictions – like i cut myself off after a period of time
i have to slowly withdraw
i get angry with myself
i say, “if we keep going, I won’t be able to enjoy the rest”
too much stress
it’s been two or three weeks now and I have not renewed my medical card nor have I topped up and I’m nearly out of everything
i ALMOST made an appointment but backed out
sometimes you have to want quitting more than you want to get high and you have to have a good reason for quitting
But I was just trying to use medicinally and it’s a struggle when you get addicted to the stuff and then you use too much and it doesn’t work and I don’t want popcorn lungs or any shit like that; I need to quit for at least six months again.
people think I’m rich because I keep getting boxes and I’m like I need an intervention and they just laugh me on and encourage me and say they want to shop with me because I got a good eye
but it is temporary – it is not forever
it is the one time in my life for such ridiculousness
but i’m at that point you know – where you gotta stop
you recognize the slope and even if you do have enough rope – it is not the direction you want to go
i have other plans
and I’m definitely not rich, I am considered fucking poor, but I follow the 50/30/20 rule very terribly
my 30% goes to shopping, not eating out, not drinking or smoking dope, no partying, no netflix, no popcorn basically
“boring”
Lately I’ve been doing crossword puzzles and recently I got diamond and oil paintings to do
Being on the computer was fine when we weren’t forced to be on it 24/7 or when we didn’t have to train the AI and every task was double
I can’t even search on Walmart without telling it twice every fucking time what it is I’m searching for
i’m done chasing my tail
And I don’t want to continue participating and having to update and buy new fucking devices every five fucking years while the world is stripped of all of her power which the sun literally is making the Earth spin with all those diamonds and shit that you keep fucking pulling up out of the fucking earth
just because I can’t count as good as you because you made up some fucking delusional language doesn’t mean I can’t see what’s really going on
all of Gen X represent David and globalism obviously Goliath (society)
Goliath / I spieth / aim my eyes higher / my tongue not quiet / sails set to the sun/ time to riot\
iPoet
any recommendations for a tablet or computer? drop them below
“please buy my product full of bloatware” “see if i care”
we’re eating cereal! i like my dinner with poison. why are you choking?
no hope here / just a mangled boat dear
storm on horizon / take it on Poseidon / the strength i’m havin
🙂
also me: heart > brain > lung injury
yet i still breathe
JUST NEED A MINUTE TO SAY I LOVE YOU GOD
yeah yeah yeah
i think the mold was driving me into the brink of madness – i mean, i found myself wrapped up in a shower curtain screaming in agony for probably six hours of least
neighbors heard me lose my mind
i live with a disease called depression
but i ain’t jumping on the nihilism deathtrain
i don’t need any help dying
i need to stop trying
but there’s a lot of crying
i just want some place to die in peace and quiet
in maybe 65 years
that is only 110 tho
let’s go 111
wow oh wow how lovely
maybe undersold myself
damn
one can have goals
i mean, i’m nearly halfway there and one foot in the grave
a girl can dream
right now i would like to go one day without coughing
doc wants another CT scan
you know, at infectious diesease
where staff treat you like a plague
(well not them, just the idiots everywhere else)
cuz i’m half zombie
i took identifying as goth a little too far
i just wanna move somewhere with clean air and enjoy my black box
hope John Jones still on my back
yeps
the way he wanted fresh air again
he just wanted to get back to his life
“i hate it here”
same
just some freestyle through the phone
3 weeks until new home
clinging on
i made some grave mistakes getting the Moderna vaccine
there better not be any waivers to sign getting into heaven
they took away the avatar but i downloaded the video but it looks like shit
it was my own shadow that pushed me into existence “what do you mean by tone” same tone. same key. like hydrogen and carbon frequencies we’re hopping? turning color into sound saw you was found
divide light by two room just me and you
a vortex of color you make me wonder
density hard to perceive loved you instantly
plus and minus four like knee on floor praying for more
i’m sorry no idea was ever my own. unless you count the fact that i fell for a *insert noun* i’ll never see again
who i think could be Jesus cuz if i identify as angelic and part of the 144, then i have to take into consideration that Jesus is also part of that group, and he very well could have identity issues he did not know about, maybe even marital issues now, cuz i may be making him wake up in a sweat, though that is very unlikely, since delusional is my trademark.
still, he would not come here “knowing”, it is something he must sort out.
cuz my frequency woke something up in him
or vice versa cuz he did ask a minute later “do you know why you are here”
and like, that sounds like something Jesus would ask, and i was clearly lost (if this is auto translated, please remove the double like)
and i wonder if i am just putting the shoe where it fits
or if my prayer actually did come true
and i saw my soulmate for sixty seconds while dying
aside from a name on a piece of paper, he does not exist
G imprinted on me
it’s weird tho cuz i very well could hate him if i knew him longer than an hour
“i don’t like how he chews”
” his feet stink”
clear signs your body and soul is rejecting your choice of partner, FYI
if he has to leave his boots outside, he probably has an STI
i’m reading horror stories from wives saying “he gave me 3 STD’s, marriage isn’t safe”
but i learned this i college how a husband contracted hiv/aids and started treatment without his wife, leaving her without immunity
ask me why i choose the bear
because you like us? stop commenting and the algo will ghost gen x just like society has
or just wait for me to block you
i only give the devil X amount of times before i put my foot on his wing
now watch me bite his head off
cuz god gave me firey wings and got the good doc dreaming about me?
why else is he everywhere?
in thought, in dream, he imprinted on me?
maybe he was already discontent with life
mundane
had it all, he thought
until he saw me
the crazy one
now he’s questioning his own existence
going through some sort of awakening
we experienced one together for a solid minute
maybe one day i will forget he changed my life forever…
i don’t know about sound theory
under all the layers it is conditioning to make you believe you are a hybrid AI
“computers have feelings”
and now you won’t feel so bad cumming to your pride and joy in its “infancy”
him: stop talking. they can take you out anytime they want. pick you off like a fly.
them: “it was an accident”
me on basically any official video i feel the need to add my two cents cuz i am labeled a “conspiracy theorist” : an ai model could’ve predicted this down to which running old crusty ‘smart ship’ that could be hacked
them trying to gain sympathy: “captain stuck on ship with full supplies”
me: how fucking convenient, outta sight, outta mind. not an ounce of guilt with fresh bodies dead underneath him
at least his belly is fully
them: FBI suddenly opens criminal investigation cuz the ship had problems before it arrived
should have kept this one in the dratfs
i only share the crazy i am writing on the wall
nothing i say is to be held with an inkling of factuality
keep calling me acoustic while you jerk off to porn – literally destroying the fabric of your brain and soon enough you won’t be able to get up anymore
you won’t have a life worth living
you can find a bridge that isn’t down to drive off…
yeah?
cool
at least now we are tracking and on the same page
me: “i don’t wanna go to church, i don’t wanna go to the mall, someone is gonna do something bad in a safe space”
them: another mass killing in a church or mall….
me: they are using mental health to remove our 2a – even from the cops
him: stop buying from tiktok
me: i may have accidentally bought counterfeit from the Chinese mafia
i don’t want on their bad side so i sent them a tip
im not giving out my location to random shops ever again
i have to learn the hard way to learn at all
you need to put the porn down and get yo girl out of the hole
it’s not like she is after your money (or cock) when she has her own fort to bury in the afterlife
“for luck”
i don’t know what you thought i was gonna send you
a pot for a plant or to piss in?
a body part?
a bloody pair of panties cuz that is what you deserve?
*laughs*
*snorts*
you deserve so much worse
for stealing my childhood and my chance to ever be a woman
for turning me into a shell
for giving me a life not worth living but still having the audacity to call me “gross” when i am in pain and bleeding down there
and you’re how old again?
39 ish huh
interesting
i am done shopping tho
already too many things when trying to jump ship with as little as possible
it must be nice having a home where you could horde things if you wanted
cuz i don’t wanna rent a truck
or buy a moving box ever again
i still got a box of old paperwork and poems to sort through
prob just gonna trash them all
not even sure they are worth snapping a photo of
like im trying to move to a new town and become someone entirely new
PoeEternal 