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Pride (Part 1)

Amongst the devil’s possessions, she found –

The sound of laughter drifted up from the street below, making her feel very alone in this new town

It’s mid-morning.
There’s been a heatwave for days.
You’re in a desert.
There’s a cold feel to the place.

An abandoned sign with splintered corners and fading letters which read, “Here I Died”.

And another just adjacent with “Still I Tried”.

What is more peculiar, there are no bones in which the grave resides.

In the darkest moss, footprints carry deep regret.

When measured with mine they never seem offset.

When faced with the truth I seem to always forget.

Thoughts of you stored in the tightest of webs.

My favorite demon to help me retrace my steps.

Surprisingly though I never needed much help.

That’s just another lie I’m always telling myself.

I’m guessing pride is this level of hell.

To be continued…

© Delia Ross. 2019

* I’ve been working on this one for a while. I’ve been exploring the darker side of religion and Human Nature. My focus has been on hell and Lu and human nature (emotion). I stepped out of my comfort zone with this one, not just on subject matter but on form as well. I am exploring the seven deadly sins and the first one is on pride. * critique and collaboration is welcomed

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Wonder Pt. 2

Kept wishing on a star a gift that it could bring
If the world would listen but it never learns a thing
Around the world so many times I’ve never met a king
Fought bravely for my country though they like to break my wing

Now my voice it always cracks I’ve lost the right to sing
I’m older now been broken down my heart is still fighting
I would never slight you I don’t have the sight to sting
I would never tie you I don’t have the silk to cling

The world I stopped supplying but for you I am a spring
The star was slowly dying but it left for you a ring
I was also hiding but I never stopped praying
I was maybe wondering if you found my broken wing

© Delia Ross. 2019

Wonder Pt. 1

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Nothing

I’m not a muse, I’m not a rat, I will never be that

I’m not amused, nor confused yet I’m easily misused
Discarded, rejected, spit out like spoiled food

I have bad looks with declining health and there is never any wealth

I don’t get by, I rarely lie, I don’t have feelings yet I sigh
I don’t get twisted, or blacklisted, I often fail though I still try

I’ve never loved, I’ve never bailed, still I feel like I’m always jailed

Misunderstood, and broken down, I’m the saddest in the town
I never smile and wear this frown like it is my only crown

I spit out words that go unheard, my speech is hardened and mostly blurred
If I seek help I’ll be removed from all that brings me joy which is absurd

I’ve never married or divorced and I sometimes feel that is worse
If I send valentines they get treated like a curse

I wish he liked me but he don’t
Or I’m so broken that he won’t

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Karma

There it was, labeled to me – I, the addressee
Trying on lovers because revenge tasted sweetly
Inserting the blade ever so neatly –
Ensuring the heart was severed completely

Burning through dreams like an oil field in the night
Running out of fuel and the zest for a life
Looking back but never having any foresight
Dancing in alleyways with nothing but a knife

I can lie and pretend I will live and die by you
One day, I’ll come to know those lies were never true
And now decades of mistakes when I should have just withdrew
That’s the trouble with searching for treasure when you haven’t any clue

© Delia Ross. 2019


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Thorns

Once he had laughter but he cut it into pieces
Thinking more always meant better

Kept it in the rain, never saw a bit of day
But expects for it to shine any weather

Say you wanna love it, then you tweak it and cut it
Chain it down when it’s only a feather

Label it “together”, when it’s just another tether
But you’re married to that irony

Shine it up like diamonds, flash your pearls to the dying
But I know you’re living in agony

I know I could be smiling, I should laugh instead of sighing
But this world gives me anxiety

Doctors all prescribing, pills which are never satisfying
Still they got their tiny hooks over me

My family will look, my friends will even root
Just to see this time how I will perform

They tried to teach me form, but I am against the norm
I’ve been in walls that shrink ’til you conform

You can build a boat to travel through my storm
But if you’re going to love my flower, you gotta love my thorn

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Roads

You can take the long road or the wrong road
A shorter path makes for a tougher load
The fastest route is the one most slowed
There are obstacles whichever you go

There doesn’t need to be any smoke screens
We won’t need protection from Marines
Pick up the ball and drop your routines
This nightmare could turn into our dreams

You can meet me down this way
Come on, I really want to play
These are the moments that make up each day
These are the terrors from which we stray

I know I’m not the direction you were leaning
Guest and greetings, always lose meaning
Destiny arrived and is here intervening
The past is yours alone for weaning

Underneath these city lights
There are no wrong or rights
Lovers go to new heights
Kisses come as invites

© Delia Ross. 2019




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Daydreams

I want to meet near the sea
Where my enemies become allies
Where my laughter drowns out your cries
Where instead of for her you are looking for me

I want to drift where places forget my plea’s
Where destiny it sails within your eyes
Linger in depths of truth, no lies
Build seabeds of love and devotion under skies
Riding waves of every pleasure and phrase you devise

I’d rather be there than here where I cry
I’d rather be there than here where my dreams come to die

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Equations

I’m probably the worst at them in all of the nations
I avoid them like they are an army prepped for invasion
I’m standing on options to build balanced foundations
A singular note though with many abrasions
You’ll never find them tuned into any of my stations
My numbers don’t amount no matter the occasion
I’m just bidding my time to wish you all congratulations
I love him whole though and to this there’s no variation
Zero room for error despite his many persuasions
Newtonian law states he should feel my vibrations
He has the answers to all of my equations

© Delia Ross. 2019


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The Hours

Sleeping on a bed made of only her dead flowers
Lost are the words, even less are the hours
Put it in your hand, now it’s yours with the powers
Every moment passed, falling deeper in the towers

Lost are the moments you still search but never find
Even with the perfect words, it will never be well-timed
Unless you are a girl, she will just leave you behind
You will never be the one that is ever on her mind

© Delia Ross. 2019


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Shackles

What is it you don’t want me to know
If I did do you think I would go
Well, honey, I’m not so cold
People change, people grow

What is that you try to hide
Do you feel regret deep inside
Do you always need an alibi
You still search for light while driving blind

What is it that you need to kill
It’s redemption that you need to feel
It’s been hovering and drawing near
There’s a chance if you still want me here

What is it that you’re running from
Is it just a wound or a loaded gun
Has it left you mostly feeling numb
I swear the best is yet to come

Why do you keep your surface clean
And stay hidden beneath a screen
Did you have troubles as a teen
Your soul just needs an opening

What is it you don’t want me to find
If I did would I lose my mind
Nows the chance for you to unwind
Living life in shackles isn’t how life’s designed

© Delia Ross. 2019






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Tried

Tried to climb the mountains but they were too high
The air became askew and I wasn’t able to cry

Tried to bury my fears down there under the hill
But the ground became so cold I wasn’t able to feel

Tried to hide my pain way out in the desert
But I lost my way and so no longer hurt

Tried to drown my tears somewhere in the ocean
But my head became dizzy and I lacked the emotion

Tried to cover my fears underneath the moon
But they always remain open and I’m never immune

Tried to close the chapter and forget about you
I tried, but I love you too much to

© Delia Ross. 2019

*There’s a slightly different poetry reading of this on my Instagram under a minute long, which you can watch here (make sure sound is on)*

Direct link to my poetry reading is here: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxv4IzllNOq/?igshid=jghgum7rorfn

 

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My Favorite Lie


It’s what I tell myself to get by, my favorite lie
And one I never use but on myself

If said with a sigh, it’s likely I’ll cry
So I smile and draw a cross upon my chest

There may be a time, I hid more in rhyme
But now there’s really only one left

If put in a book, I know you would look
So I hid the only one on my shelf

© Delia Ross. 2019


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Trying to Forget

You’re coming to town, I heard in the news
You mention her name, it gives me troubling blues
I’ve been that girl, and I’ve fell in her shoes
I forget why I care or how I still hate you
They don’t think I’ve moved on and it’s probably true

But I don’t want you back, I’m the one who left
And the only one who apparently felt
It makes no difference now how many women you get
I was number one and your best asset
I spend all of my time just trying to forget

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Lesson Number One

The first lesson in life there’s not a soul you can depend

You’re standing on a slope and you think you have some friends

You see an edge of hope and you try to rope it in

You have a moment, feast on it, and hope it never ends

You build it up, then break it down, and wish it works as it intends

Laughing all the way while you write your long amends

This will be enough, you hope, to finally settle all the winds

Soon you’ll find it shocking there’s even less who attends

Apparently you’re not the only one who pretends

You shouldn’t ignore lessons that the uni recommends

I gave it to you straight but you took a thousand bends

Now you have a list of a lot of ex-girlfriends

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

I could have been a lawyer
But I studied instead to mope
I could have loved you better
Now instead I hate you most

I would have wrote a letter
But this poem instead should work
I would have ripped your heart out
And put it on a perch

I should have sought out shelter
When it started to get worse
You should have loved me better
But now instead I’m broke

© Delia Ross. 2019

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If

If you never leap
Our hearts will never be fulfilled
I will slowly be climbing
This hill until I’m killed

If you never wake
I will always stay asleep
Trapped in a nightmare
With only fear that I can reap

If you never jump
My heart will always be on stall
Waiting on a spark
Where no one ever heeds the call

If you don’t believe
I will never love at all
You may take in hope
But it’s likely that I’ll fall

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Sad Empty Pathetic Lives

One from my private vault, and from two years ago (April 2017). Completely raw and untouched for April Poetry Month.

sad empty pathetic lives… what reruns they are

he’ll never have my love or respect again. he’ll never have my forgiveness and he’s never going to be worthy of my friendship.
but now, to get up and move again… i need to mend.

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll need a friend

you said you would never hurt me again
a weight off my shoulders
yet seven feet in…

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll cry again

behind those large blue eyes
a monster lurks
never a day that ends-
always at work

he said he would never hurt me again
he said he would never

i hate you
and no amount of time
will ever change that

you know what you are,
you know what you did
how would you think
i’d not wish you dead
how did you think
i’d not wish you dead

i need silence inside my head
but there’s violence inside your bed
how did you think i’d not wish you dead

sad empty pathetic lives… what monsters they are

lurking and lusting and
draining souls
i will never relinquish control
i was head deep in
before i could swim
i’m learning how to live again
i’m learning how to live

oh for a brief moment you made me believe
in a fairytale

(but you’re really a monster from hell, tell tell)

oh ye sloth
you were treated like a king
even out of cloth
and lying on your knee

one or two or a thousand
how many hearts now bleed?

i didn’t want to be her, i plead
but you’re still not listening
you have no heart, you see

oh, and good luck on the baby

what hurts most of all, i believed you
and the thing that hurts most is, you knew all along
you knew

this is cruel deception
you are evil incarnate
the dead, risen again
he has no soul

(might as well call me a widow, i’m mourning my soul
the death of my heart)

nocturnal mourning

every morning

i should have seen
all the warnings

hating you is the only way to get through, it’s the only way i will survive. but is it wrong to hate a monster?

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Lines

I never know when it is that I’ll cross a line
Between each state, my next mistake, or maybe when I rhyme
It’s guaranteed, I will succeed, it shouldn’t take much time
I’ve been practicing since I was young like I’m meeting a deadline
Some would even say that I was born without a spine
It’s difficult to receive help even if I hold a sign
If given any choice they’d likely toss me with the swine
Do they know it’s not the mud from which I begrime

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Transfer Request Pending

I’ve never had anyone look at me the way they look at her
Although I am fully grown I must be an amateur
I wonder when they look at me I appear to be a blur
Similar to a black hole, is there nothing to observe?
Many times I have been told I’m just not what they prefer
But why do they always get to decide what is that I deserve?
I applied to move to Mars, I hope they put in my transfer…

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Emotional Cargo

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from going down a path I never grow
Then I’d never sneer when I see an old photo
I’d never ever wonder who I’d be without the woe

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from packing all of this emotional cargo
I seem to carry it with me no matter where it is I go
I’d gladly give it to you but there’s no place left to stow

© Delia Ross. 2019

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RSVP Declined

Why send an invitation if it’ll just be declined
I want to be seen but I stand with the blind
Every rejection makes me more aligned
I still look confused though I’ve made up my mind
You warned you were bad but you are the worst kind

Oh teacher, oh teacher why’d you leave me blue
Another desertion what more can I do
We barely had started but now we are through
I may have been late but I can’t outrun you
Give me the full movie not just the preview

© Delia Ross. 2019

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DEPRESSED 101

My depression is working overtime and charging me extra. Can’t bribe him with a day off no matter the weather. Told him to get moving but he dropped the anchor. This lake is filled with tears and I ain’t getting better. I put it in a memorandum and even wrote it in a letter. He just laughed at me, shouted, and gave the middle finger. The only way I can quiet him is with some liquor. He follows me every year but here’s the kicker.
He mirrors me and worries me and is in every picture. The funny thing, the longer he dreams, the less I remember.

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Heart Failure

All my plans haven’t gone away
They’ve really just been delayed

People they fret I can’t explain
They all just sort of strayed

It’s not my style to beg or plead
I sometimes require aid

They all want something from me
I have nothing for trade

Many years spent on this journey
Every direction came a grenade

You tell a different story
That isn’t the life that you portrayed

Why do you get all the glory
While I’m prisoner in this stockade

No need for you to hurry
My heart rotted and decayed

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Permanent Winter

She owed them a pretty picture
Her soul was pretty injured
She sold it but never got richer
She kept it hid under a fancy fixture
The ones who buy it always get triggered
Pointing at you with their middle finger
Too far away you can’t hear them whisper
The season there is a permanent winter
With a sign that reads “winner winner”
You’ve been fed that lie since you were a beginner

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Invisibility

Both of us lost what neither could win
Choosing to struggle over complying
But I guess you know best, why else were you spying
Maybe after her you simply gave up ever trying
Some may live close but they aren’t as gratifying
The effects won’t last long, about as quick as when you’re flying
You know I’m always right, there’s never need for clarifying
In these words I fight because you’re so electrifying
I need for you tonight to realize that I’m dying
To die never loved it sounds so very terrifying
I’m leaving this for you it’s why I’m always writing
You already live a beautiful life, it’s why I’m never prying
It’s a bit unfair, I’m invisible, you’ll never catch me crying

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Cross Your Mind

Crossed our wires, wrong hands for hire
and now they’re blaming me

Shooting blanks and loading tanks
with riots in the street

I’d rather bid my precious hours
where two lovers greet

And if it seems it’s worth my time,
perhaps I’ll move my feet

Into the light, we sail tonight
I brought for us a treat

You’re feeling sour, my mood can tower
it’s best that we shall meet

I promise skies, and never lies
we can be discrete

You can’t deny, I’m on your mind
I think that’s pretty neat

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Never Thought

She never thought she could again feel
Her heart was paralyzed with fear
His words weighed heavy & cut through steel
Wounds so deep one had to kneel
It never seemed the wounds would heal
The lessons never appeared clear
Just gashing pain brought from his spear
The crowd behind him full of cheer
Lashing out at you every year
She must hate him a great deal

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Ten After Sunset

Pain after sunset
denial and regret
It’s now ten after sunset
you haven’t admitted anything yet

Blame during sunrise
But never a tear in your eye
Aim for shock and surprise
It’s so much better when they cry

Shame morning and afternoon
You’ll catch him singing the same ole tune
Same lying up under the moon
He wasn’t born with a silver spoon

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Tight Ropes

Such tight ropes we weave and trample
A love like yours I deserve to sample
Your flame is brighter than any candle
There’s not much that we couldn’t handle

I’ve never seen a face like yours
I’ve seen them all and lived through war
Walked every land, touched distant shores
You’re the only body I want to explore

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Depression

Standing near a cliff waiting for the wind to blow
Years I must be waiting time is moving very slow
Lost so many hours no longer know where to go
Might have heard you shouting, guess I’ll never ever know

Always seeing others with someone on their side
Leaning towards the edge, no one even says goodbye
Even broke a rib on my own trying to climb
The pain so excessive I think I’d really rather die

© Delia Ross. 2019