He was something beautiful A storm surge Rushing through oblivion At the throne of dutiful No question he loved her
Dust forms in the cracks of your soul Exit gates where my pity can tiptoe
Try to disappear wearing red Got the killer on a bloodshed Going for the gold Glowing above my halo
He’s breathing lead Like he’s the second planet from the sun You better run
But I’ll be hiding in light I’m right in sight The guns and the knives
It’s familiarity Hiding twice as fast as speed Is he looking at me
Lying underneath the rubble Exactly where he’s slugging Disappointment ain’t subtle
The way your stillness blinds me Turns me into butter Like looking in the sun
So I escape instead Of dying in the gutter In the lattice of the young
Last time I was caring? Red herring When’s a time you never lied? HaHa you tried
I’ve been sleeping with an attitude I’ve been sleeping like you asked me to Sometimes it really comes to choice Like what else am I supposed to do?
Grossly corrupt How they grew up
Got us hanging from the line And my ears are ringing From your screaming “You gotta cut it this time” The world below spinning My head killing But I’ll need a minute To process this ending
You’re waning gibbous Saying death could be the best of us
I seek a future different the past. What right ascension and declination have you seen one at?
I never really learned to tie a knot It’s not my luck I never learned to love a lot
Can’t get a leg up Probably miss him too much Text him when I’m not drunk
Like when I give him secrets Can’t trust he won’t keep them Wrap em up beneath him
Bran scan shows I’m dumb But I don’t know how come Unlike this chair I built With all his lies I’ve dealt
I’ve got a single bullet Don’t know where I should put it Maybe under the Mistletoe Right where the axes go
Have you succumbed Down in the mire Took you how long Cutting through the liar
There are hills I have climbed There are mountains where I’ve died I’m still lingering on the hillside There are trails where the blood dried
Your stats are booming! But it doesn’t mean I’m looming Come school me Don’t fool me
I had the worst diet Lived on his lies like it was the Hyatt His love was a riot Never peace Just wanted quiet
What am I doing holding onto these ashes? Counting midnight stashes? Wondering how long life is? Cuts like a knife when Life ends Just like yours did Where does mine begin?
The same way they think they’re game is worth waiting for They’re a fucking bore Matchmaking locked But I got a glock
I didn’t want to give another update; another reason why I am late. An outtake: for fuck sake
My favorite part of the journey is the rest Think I like it best Some call me lazy Cuz I like to nest?
Of course we would meet through the ether I’m not pure either Heaven I would not enter Just sitting here in purgatory Like a bedtime story
My love is buried in a cave Degrading Am I worth saving?
Dear Follower, I know you followed Through endless hollow Look all the years and roads we travelled Bickered laughed falling on some gravel
The places we will go You know I miss you so?
Met you at my lowest like an interlude of course it wasn’t the devil but God true and true even if you were just a man he looks just like you?
Do you think God could create a love that goes on forever? Do you think the universe is a love letter? Cuz I’ve got memories as distant as stars But not where you are Like living in a waking dream You are there in the corner of my seams WALKING WITH ME
We’re neurodivergent We spin like it’s urgent Spinning faster than the earth is Some say we’re imperfect
Error Like an arrow Straight to the center gravity Of my failure
Still I’m getting better Miscalculating data Just like the AI Counting only matter
I don’t know what I’m holding on to Will I disappear after all I’ve been through If I let her go, will I be new?
I don’t know what I’m doing here When I want to roam the streets dear But my shadow’s bringing fear
I don’t know why I’m circling Nothing I do ever stops the hurtin’ There’s just avenues of me
Burial piece cuz single never married (i think it’s real crystal cuz it’s imperfect yah?) but also the energy – the light reflecting – the weight and things (new crystal head piece) (will things catch fire if i go out in the sun – i mean that could make for a good vampire short) (and yes people do catch their houses and cars on fire over 1 tiny crystal – how many does this hold) – new superpowers uncontrolled – prob why im grinning – i could be the most hideous beast but not my headpiece) (he gonna wanna marry me)
They pass out medical diagnosis like it’s a weather forecast; “You’re 6 degrees from dying but there’s sunshine at last”…
Precognition
I said, you’re perfect Nothing would be worth it That’s the verdict
(I’ll never date or acknowledge another ten) (not even gonna look their way) (oof TOUCHE BROTHER)
RUST IN HELL
Like if a ten ever asked me out for anything I’d be like: WHAT. NO. You’re more than a ten.
I’d simply walk away.
And if he persisted I’d just demand loudly: I DON’T WANNA BE YER FLESHLIGHT
Yeah no NOT REAL – DENOUNCED – took me a whole science degree and 40 plus years WOOHOO – I AWOKE
Like standing up for yourself While backing into a wall It’s no fun at all But you will prob hear me laugh As I’m picking up my step Crying down the hall
I dunno if I’m clumsy or if it’s almost a full moon
Two things can be true at once
I get upset I don’t spend more time talking to the stars
That shit won’t even be twinkling til I ask it something specific: “did you miss me, two for yes, one for no” and I’ll be blessed it’ll blink twice
HA! knew knew
Our love is instant – no distance between the two
The sun is local
Flat earth: not confirmed
(I know things b4 they happen)
I pick up the signal before the signal arrives
DO U WANT MORE LINES?
(Im still under a treatment plan, not in remission, got tired of the constant penalties trying to game or socialize)
You don’t want me writing on *insert CGP* yet
Better let me feed the squirrels
And stop cutting down the trees
You already ran off Owl or killed him one
Im on final edge
THERE’S NO MORE WARNINGS
I’ll attempt to post some of my DBD gaming maybe – just to show you how pissed off I really am – either go all in on the killer hardcore pallet stun blind after blind or i never move
I go in without an offering item or perk
I don’t lurk
It’s either “go ahead and get yer 4k or there’s no stopping me and i’ll even get the hard save”
I was laughing SO HARD when I kept getting STUN AFTER STUN and kept shaking my head NO but the killer was heated – and I was so calm – Im learning to control my moods thru the game lmao
Get the killer all worked up and I aint even breaking a sweat
Eh sometimes I feel bad and just let them have me cuz damn i be mean
But what’s even more fun is the killer only saving me
Ive tried to die and they’re like “nah you can have hatch”
“Im suicidal too”
Sweet. Happy Halloween boo.
Squirrel enjoying the fresh food n water from the rabbit carrot ceramic bowls
I uninstalled the game. AGAIN.
And I don’t doomscrool
The one app I was left on kept punishing me after I spent loads of money feeding the enemy
Im not supporting other creators when I cant do the same (without penalty)
Im tired of appealing?
I really wanna update my blog?
I have goals but then again Im bed rotting
I was at physical therapy yesterday
“Im not ready for a walker”
But you need to get use to seeing me with a walking stick
I imagine the distance that keeps us – and why heaven can’t reach us – because space isn’t just silent – it’s speechless
Maybe your name is Apophis. We’re both lost in the abyss.
THAT’S NOT WHAT I ASKED
According to Saint Peter Steele:
“April 2-0-2-9 the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour – in fact – is quite here” (-)
(Could you pick your speed up on writing lines, even if I’m not on time, I never learned to set a clock, I never even hear a chime, it’s almost like it is a crime, but I can do a run-on, I think it has been too long, but I don’t have timer in the kitchen to help me not burn this song)
He reminds me of you. But aren’t your eyes blue? Like an angel from the sky, make me fall down and sigh. Know you saw me coming too…
Or maybe your the Jester, I’m just a guesser
Do you know how to measure luminosity? What about the loss of me?
(I really just wanted to share the first 4 lines – I’ll play catchup another day)
It’ll be easier to snap photos of my messy writings
It’s just freestyle
It’s not messy messy
It’s just – the urge – to write in cursive
With curses
Found out who you really were / didn’t make a difference cuz / you were meant for her \
You go from sunshine to icy winds The road less travelled is the road we’ve been You go from shadow to now we’re friends? I guess we’re ghosting again?
Are you paying for your sins Cuz it’s all black and white where we live Like looking at the the sky We go places planes won’t fly
Have you sat in a room with your biggest enemy? Did you have a chance to dine with me?
Where do you go when you plan to leave? Will you appear in another galaxy?
Cuz’ I don’t need a crystal ball To see the sacrifices crawl Or flowing down the river bank “It’ll never flood again you think”
Have you calculated costs? Is it buried under mud and frost? Or a thousand-hundred years Like losing lives on lies
Cuz you ain’t never shared your bread with me You ain’t never been to bed with me (But I know you would’ve bled with me)
Cuz shedding sin is like shedding ghosts? But it’s cold outside, so you’ll need your coats
I know you got an alibi I’ve been driving 80 Flooring 100 lately Just to hear your lie
Time is platinum Unlike for Juliana Sacrificed no honor Locals cheering “she’s a goner”
But I don’t know who wins this When every policy’s unfit Unclear is your last text sent Since you swore there were no fears
I saw you trembling on the mountain dear And how they took their time on getting near But I know they had “a lot of gear” An ulterior motive to carry up as well
“I’m not afraid” God is unfazed But they will pay when they return to hell
Twisted Masquerade year nine / have you been with me this whole time?
You go from sunshine to icy winds The road less travelled is the road we’ve been You go from shadow to now we’re friends? I guess we are ghosting again?
The earth could tip and the sea would swallow us wide – Everything but my pride!
Did you know I read sign language Even the moon spells Chris It’s half-crescent Like him He’s half-present Maybe it’s Christmas The way you kiss? Removed the space between the hiss Laid down your blade And took my fist Maybe you’re the silence On my blank list Where none can follow Your name won’t fit?
He doesn’t understand why I’m always giving gifts I ain’t tribal Don’t read the Bible But he swears I’m collecting feather wings He said he thinks he saw me growing things But you’re a liar Can’t be re-wired Always on the run Must be so tired Cuz the Devil’s in your blood Here’s comes the Great Flood Mixed with bones and fire
I know. I KNOW. I don’t drink enough water. Or I drink too much. (Somewhere, a thousand years down the road, some asshole will take that out of context. I ONLY DRINK WATER. HOPE YOU BURN 4EVA THIS HELPS
I’m not filing in a single orderly line so the AI will understand me
ME > PROGRAM IN MATRIX > DOING WHAT IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO DO
I dunno what you’re waiting on Hell to come? I have arrived Sat down outside With pen in hand But I’m out of ink? But these walls know what I think? Like considering heaven And the events to get me there then? It’s far from happening Though death is companying Like an uninvited guest at my deathbed I wanted you instead? Your words? Your calls? My phone a friend? Whom I can but can’t depend? Us against them? Gone yet united? The system? The stranger you’re lying with? Oh you know their name? Cool but I’m no longer hiding that I have gone insane? Maybe only temporary? Can’t take this to the pearly gates I’m expressing all my rage But I’m innocent The midnight moon glowing The avalanche down the mountain flowing Honestly, might be where I’m going? Since the mountains are the only ones who are calling!!! And hell froze over on me In the hottest parts of the city I was like wait a minute, “it is snowing” So that’s my reality And the neighbors building melting snowmen While my rage is burning within Yelling at the therapist, “I don’t like the sound of voices… except his” “Yours is okay, I actually admitted this”!?! Like I can handle a “handful” But not in succession “I quit group confession” But I really need a priest? My new doctor thinks she can fix what is inside of me? INFORMED CONSENT I’m ready to try it Left the doc a message “I’m pretty sick” Just got off the phone with a pharmacist But as far as my medicinal “I ain’t gotta quit” Thank fuck About to take a hit (Just hopepray this ain’t the culprit) Cuz coconut ain’t on the foods to eat And I ate a bit…. 🙂
They dilated my eyes this morning cuz i had my lookers examined – and at first it was without my glasses on – they are using a new method with a mirror and computer screen laser and I could see fuck all. She kept turning nobs “and now” and the panic set it “not like anything at all” and she did not realize my glasses were corrective (she thought just readers) and the instant relief we both had and the laughter coming from the room “i can see the smallest lines”
I ain’t blind
I mean, without glasses, I can see there’s a sign but I couldn’t tell you the name of the road
“You go a couple miles til you see Big Lots, now if you get to the Circle K you’ve gone too far”
And while you over there swing by the drive thru Little Caesar’s and get me one of them $10 stuffed crust
(Only they ain’t ten in my city, a couple more)
And I was at the grill at the VA today ordering 3 scrambled brown eggs
“You got any vegan turkey bacon or sausage”
“We got some Turkey bacon but it ain’t vegan”
“My doc says I can’t have no meat currently but some of us can’t be no vegetarian”
And an echo of “amen” “i hear that”
But I only got the toast and eggs
Wish I had got SIX SCRAMBLED
Next time double
I might be little but I got a big appetite
Greedy lil thang
It’s annoying how much I gotta eat to constantly be losing weight
But while being very sick I ordered Chipotle (not pizza) to get a salad and they had NO CHICKEN which I suddenly hate the taste of chicken?
So I got the beef
My body absorbed it
It said FUCK YEAH
Cuz I really needed some meat and I refuse pork but they were out of chicken and I hate chicken?
So to me the universe directed me to the “all beef”
The cow is in heaven now and my tummy
I will not make a habit tho
I’ve gone MONTHS without beef eating only chicken and then no meat for several weeks and almost died
You come cook the lentil meatloaf
I’m DYING
I need SOUP
My VEGAN SOUP
so that is my goal
Back to my homemade soups!
I thrive on vegan soup, spring water, and cashews.
Back to the basics for me
And oatmeal IS on the foods I can eat
Thank GOD
I literally cried cuz she said “no cereal” but to me oatmeal is cereal
The good oatmeal with berries im allowed
–
And I love eating eggs again?
I thought I hated eggs but now I will inhale them
Just eggs
No salt, no pepper
Scrambled. Grill. Buttered toast (i dunno if the toast is allowed) (please give me one piece of toast)
THANK YOU
(Claim the grits too) (Even tho they ain’t allowed)
There’s no benefits to corn
CABBAGE ON THE GOOD LIST THO
(I made a spicy vegan taco with cabbage – don’t overcook the cab) – it was fab)
P.S. i told the psych doc i did not need any help euthanizing myself if/when the time comes (if) and he upped my meds…. FYI
And I have to see him again in 3 weeks…
The truth is, I prob would need your help cuz I wouldn’t wanna burn in hell for all eternity
God would forgive you potentially
This isn’t an invite
You just need to prepare
In case
“Too analytical” but how the fuck else would you crunch the kinda numbers you do?
I math in my own way
You know I see things you don’t
And you understand the thing I see
Most days I’m sorting out which timeline I am in
(Is this why you don’t call)
(please don’t call)
It’s better if we write?
Getting new eyes. These were my choices. I was allowed 3 frames. 1 for reading, 1 tinted for driving, and one for day. Any extras I had to pay. So took the freebies. Cuz Ivermetin cost me $180 alone woot woot (but she thinks it’s gonna sort me)
Need the good prays
New eyes incoming soon
They do sell ray-bans but those ain’t free lol
I do like the 3 new frames incoming tho (the clear will be my readers, the purple/black the tint, and the cute feminine pair on top is for my dailyware
She said they made me look ten years younger 🙂
We’ll see 🙂
I also still have no computer cuz at war with big bro?
They dilated my eyes and I had to drive home in a big storm
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate. I do not like when the killer takes me to the corner and does something i’d rather not repeat… i like watching the killer go after my teammates – he will watch me watching him – i do not like when the killer hooks me *mad face* i do like when the killer chases me and carries me but lets me go… i don’t always want my team to be sacrificed and he should abide and sometimes they do… sometimes the killer will be acting so heated and shady i gotta calm him down… “i turned the killer friendly…” “maybe” “it could go either way”
…even the grey light was blinding
And I hope to get back to rhyming 🙂
More future updates/notes in rhyme mode?
Practice makes the perfects worse I swear
Pssst… waiting on a story from you
I wanna share my story ideas
Rough drafts
Maybe I’m afraid you’ll know how much I’m twisted?
These days, the script is written, no point in keeping it hidden? 🙂
“She’s a little kuku? But she’s harmless” “for now”
“..i wouldn’t go testing the waters or nothing”
“…the Army trained her you know…”
“Uncle Sam’s fault she’s that way”
“She’s like a gremlin”
“Just don’t feed her after midnight…”
I told the pill doc I had no prob euthanizing myself – i can be approved in Canada – when is the VA offering it
And he upped my meds…
Told him I be crying randomly in public or at home doing anything
There’s a serial killer on the loose Roaming places you once knew SAID YOU HATE IT TOO Blackouts in Spain Signals lost in Europe Doc says I’m insane Your image Burns like sunrays Might forget your name But not today
I’m switching squads Never tell me the odds
GOT IN TROUBLE FOR COLORING!
And watering my plants
Prob gonna buy. I can barely walk. But one can dream and waste money simultaneously..
Want another poem?
Oh you want me to open it? I gotta read it for you too? *rolls eyes*
You ask me what I think? Relax and let the ship sink. The fridge is empty. That’s why we’re sinking?
One day I know you will write Until then You keep on counting when The sun will turn grey Like my head will one day?
In between the heartache The constant tug-of-war The daily battles And crying on the floor The thinning hair and desires And hours wanting more There was so much love Worth fighting for
6000 years of nihilism but there’s gonna be hell to pay
He went through all the emotions at once Psychosis Like distant chanting There were no monks Yet heard voices calling He locked death in trunks
Hey, Where are you? I’m locked out of my account. Like being locked out of the house. But there’s no yard about.
There’s a stench Coming from below Where the landlord resides Could be a dead body Could be anybody Decisions don’t decide
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate / cuz I’m his favorite / the one he’ll never hate
He called Said time isn’t linear I bawled Lips confessed he was a sinner
We were standing in a blast zone I knew we didn’t have too long
I asked, who ripped the soul from this place? Like he was looking at heaven’s grace (can’t take his eyes from my face)
Couldn’t tell you I’m better or worse Wouldn’t tell you I might need a hearse
He’s double worried. Again worried. So make that a triple.
I picked up a lot of details.
5 men. Drones. Rooms with blue lights. Cancer. Cops. Mexico. An apartment. Girls who disappear.
But my house is trapped with a single blade of worry.
…. the kind of love letters i receive (thought i’d share a tidbit cuz i don’t kiss and tell) (the entire things reads like a horror film – but he’s worried for me – really really worried). This is how I hyphen unless it’s a sugar-free word. I dunno. I’m not changing now.
I’m not sharing the rest of the DM, not even with the FBI. It does read a whole lot better than this whole blog post but I think there might be at least three lines in this blog post that were worth reading plus you got a new photo!?!
Okay BYEEEE
(And the Army trained me to take on more than 5 guys. So did my skinhead boyfriend. It was a long time ago and I was dumb. But I remember his best friend was named after a black guy and I said that must suck. Because he was a racist, but his name was Jesse Williams or something
I’m not racist. I hate everybody but listen they were OK. They were fucking racist but the irony was the white dude was named after a black person so I just thought that was interesting cause I was 15 years old so don’t take it out on me OK because I made fun of him for being racist AnyWho.
I’m done correcting the AI for free
He also likes to change the word nihilism to nationalism and I would block him as quickly as you can say gross – but they think they can force electronics on me and I’m about to go AWOL I’m fucking dying anyway like I literally fell out of my bed and now I’m back to barely being able to walk again even though it’s not because I fell out of my bed. I just don’t know what the fuck is going on
I can’t walk. I’m gonna get some running shoes, seems practical. 
Why aren’t you here to carry me?
I don’t need anyone to euthanize me. I can do that myself.
I MADE SURE I WAS SET UP JUST IN CASE
Of a break in
Or breakdown
Planning ahead
I mean, not planning
Uhm
It’s JUST IN CASE
I forget your birthday or something
39?
40?
I went six months thinking I was older than I am so leave me the fuck alone
(It’s a figure of speech)
😭
I’m just being proactive?
At least it’s updated With blood-stained carpet There’s an old dusty fan Spinning right over your bed
The only noises are the planes overhead Chimes with random messages Claim drones instead Said there’s a wall Full of something sinister Pictures lined with pictures Killer stalking killer Who then will acquit her Like he’s a protector Said they work in teams of 5 Things that made him quiver Clues, worries, blessings, confessions A messenger with lessons?
I’ve got a mountain of sorrow We could meet
You could sign a lease Or you could borrow Free next week or tomorrow?
Your lines Equipped to mine Fly faster than earth’s rotation Despite hesitation
Each time a soul is born the sun loses mass I know my math
Impermanence Like walking into a fog that swallows all clarity I am this Slowly etching fists The ground broke the dissent
Message received Like a spear in side Am I deceived You’re a ghost or guide Above or underneath I can’t decide
I received An ominous message by you Like walking on eggshells I gotta break them first too Otherwise, what do we do?
I scream But now my silence is the loudest in the room Like fingers mimic shadowwork Deep inside I guess he knows my worth
Now cops and drones And smoke and darkness Won’t cover my bones I stand tall alone
In my restless dreams Nestled in between What happens if you slip and fall What happens if the rope breaks When you’re crossing frozen lakes Bridges iced from all we take Just one more wake…
Stop laying on the floor Covered in your own blood Guess the gun didn’t jam Get up, give a damn
Maybe stick around The way I haunt you Eons not enough to
So what? we’re dying You gotta push through
Nine seven three Who the fuck keeps counting Get up off the ground
Or take an intermission Put a tourniquet on what is missing Oh honey I am listening
He’s not happy where he’s at I can see it in his frown Want to wear it like a hat Wash it over me Drown in the aftermath
I do judge Like a great reckoning I carry grudge
ALL LINES RHYMES AND CRIMES WRITTEN BY ME (minus the ominous message)
(More of the ominous love letter warning) (or scam) (or story)
The power really is out in all of Europe and there potentially is a serial killer loose in New England or thereabout
There’s this one guy who answers me immediately if I leave him a comment under any of his videos on his TikTok but if I say hi to him in his live stream, it’s like I don’t exist
so I unfollowed him and followed him back because I have the worst etiquette in this hell hole
Also I think some guys get mad when they see that I’m writing boys in prison!?!?
But it wasn’t a loveletter
It was a poem about black holes and hell
As if I needed to remind him that time is forever
And I ain’t even mailed it
I literally get in trouble for fucking coloring on my live stream and I’m covered up and fuck you. I have to see men all over TikTok, barely wearing anything.
I hope more of you drive off a bridge
I think “fuck you” sounds nicer
You stayed? Goodnight. All my clothes are dirty, and the landlord has not given me the free washer and dryer that he promised me which means I probably need to invest in one which is another fucking expense
I’m an architect Of my own hell Cuz even when you arrive I will yell
Like sadness is marketed Please send help Where map is uncharted Ignore the welp
I’m not allowed to return to the temple Make a way out of no way Things are not very simple The hills are unsafe Likely things I will say When we dig where we tremble
The Great Florida Blizzard of 2025 (photo by @poeeternal)
I disassociated for five minutes and forgot TikTok was banned and uninstalled it and now I can’t get it back on my iPhone, but I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, 10 minutes on the rebounder and two hours doing a tai chi class
I mean so
I could go live on my tablet maybe no
Blog updates + poetry dropping at random (prob times you should be sleeping) (why aren’t you sleeping)
time races in intervals you’re into her it burns like midnight sun my lesson learned
did you know we live in purgatory on a map i think i found your worry and i list it first your secrets buried but i’ve forgotten where i put your story
like drowning in a carpark where all the lights are flashing but it’s stark and we’re looking for an exit as future ghost we’re feeling desperate
the ole blog has over 100,000 miles on her, thanks to you…
i know i can’t take your words to heaven with me but i would try…
i still can’t get over how John Jones died or how his question nearly made me solve first world problems – or at least connect the two
but i still live between worlds where his soul leaped into mine
(but at least you don’t get mad about it)
my dad let a tree grow through his tour bus
i want to hang onto my ride in such a way
today i drove her to Dread Boys and they quoted me nearly 500 to replace a battery?
so i got right back in and said “welp please get me back home…”
and she fucking did…
and i guess im either going to an auto zone or learning to install a new battery myself?
not to mention the guy running the front desk took a bathroom break in the middle of a transaction? and it sounded disgusting so ill never return
the mobile mechanic i called isnt very mobile currently – i dunno how i feel about paying for his cab..
at least the postscript is somewhat interesting?
i keep thinking i need to get the fuck outta florida – then i remember bama is 45 minutes away – and like it feels a lot like hope on the horizon
it feels so near i could walk
bike
run
i just keep telling my girl to hold on
no one can be trusted
kinda housebound til i sort the sorts
i aint paying $500 to replace a battery
the Boomers can get FOOKED
need some land
need to figure out where i want to be
it aint here…
i drank coffee
CHATTY
and jittery
i dont think that is good for my heart
like it triggers my anxiety?
i mean i just act more nervous than usual
tachycardia
adrenaline spikes
so prob gotta give it up
the coffee…
better not to ask me out on a first date over coffee
fucking disaster
and i love coffee!!!!!
people are mad that trump won and are threatening violence
i did not vote – therefore i have no opinion over politics for the foreseeable future as i am exiting the matrix – kinda lost – but this is what PROTESTING A SYSTEM I DO NOT COMPLY WITH LOOKS LIKE
go change some more policies to support your nihilism and leave me alone m’kay
there were 33 million who opted to NOT VOTE for the antichrist
i thought i was the only one
but there’s a whole lot of us out there
wonder how many are gen x
you know of one
*hi*
i tried joining the Army to make a difference
i tried getting an education
i tried being a medic
i tried on society and never have once liked it
im never voting again
EVER. AGAIN.
i literally fought for freedom of speech and it was taken from me
and you want me to vote? go back to sleep…
(people in the system fighting for the system)
(but i want out)
(i wont participate)
(i dont wanna support anything in society)
(society is satanic)
(im going thru a spiritual cleansing)
(please dont exterminate me like you did p’nut & fred)
(and the squirrel out here i never found his head)
ripped off and not even a trail of blood
just his body
i have nightmares and ptsd
it is why i deleted my wildlife page
not risking Ali or any others getting hurt simply because they make me happy and demons live out here
have u seen the film Constantine?
top 5 fav for sure
i mean it once was
the me in this timeline which i jumped into during a lightning storm going 80 miles an hour…
she ain’t me but she is but she ain’t
not sure how im able to switch roles as myself but if the multiverse is real and we never really die
or we create our own reality
im not sure why i would wanna come back here
but there were thousands of hands of radiation and one of them touched me
it was so loud the entire town shook from the thunder
i killed the monsters under my bed i drove through forest of lead i can’t recall what was said but there’s a feeling of contempt and you follow where it went
i’ll never read another word i’m tired of all the his or hers tied between the knots of all the lines and blurs foaming from the mouth releasing lies and slurs
like lying as a profession disappearing act a confession i’ve been hanging on the question but the answer keeps me guessing
i never wanted to push you out into the current but you would yell, it’s what you warrant and you held my hand as i pushed you towards the torrent you would say “love’s not important”
i hope your ashes are burning. like a viking in the sky. down here i am rarely learning. like i’ve lost my mind.
I absolutely do have a learning disability.
Then it’s like my IQ can only go so far until you arrive at a secure door without a door knob
like those server rooms
where they spy on us and control time
none of this is real
“there is no spoon”
because they’re trying to condition us to believe in the Multiverse theory so that they can further segregate you from God and make you feel like you don’t have any kind of worth or value because they’re fucking nihilist at their fucking core and they believe in anything dark and that’s what they fucking serve like dark holes, dark galaxies, dark suns, dark matter, SHIT YOU CANNOT SEE, nor measure, “we just know” – cuz they are a cult of godless psychopaths who love love love children and making them believe early on – we are born in theta – that God does not exist – that he himself is a god – but an artificial intelligence
“computers feel things”
that way you can love your precious young AI like the pedophiles you are
you would rather imprint and love a fucking computer
this entire society is one nihilistic web
“God isn’t real” you demand as you force your dark void propaganda on me
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME
STAY OUT OF MY FAITH YOU FUCKING SOULESS MONSTER
I’LL BITE YER DICK OFF NO REMORSE
FEED IT TO SHARKY WHILE I AM DISASSOCIATING
ARE THESE WHAT FANTASIES ARE MEANT TO LOOK LIKE
I don’t know what’s going on out there because I have stayed off anybody’s blog that I do not follow or where I feel unwanted?
You’re like the simple wish on a Christmas list: a hello, a good morning, a what did I miss?
You’re vaguely responsible for the wheels that are turning – maybe only to a small degree – but when creditors send angry letters with demands and ultimatums – it feels like eight tons – the weight of a weapon
or like being the jester before the judge, with a laughing courtroom, a towering bridge in the background that looks like a tomb
the devil once told me while drinking black coffee, they can’t find you if you keep running, now my feet are always on the go, if not spinning in circles really slow
and now ships are sinking where my wings are hardest, but looking in the mirror, i see your sins as darkest, and you could escape the galaxy, you can run the farthest
reaching you; like trying to scream from the inside of a black hole, lost is the echo, but where do the likes go?
i wake up to a synthetic dawn, you have a maze garden in your lawn, like lying low for favor, cuz lost is where we both belong
i love you in the mournings, when the sun is reflecting on my shortcomings, like a laser beam on my back, i’m ready for attack
postscript: i just feel like writing. i went through my “best writing years” and now i am in my worst?
i don’t care for Hollywood or influencers now that they shadow banned me and want me to watch their content
i always felt influencers were sloppy seconds anyway and Hollywood lowered themselves to their level to stay relevant and now i don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone
someone else posted my viral videos on YouTube and they went viral over there and i ain’t seen a dime here or yonder
i’m not even allowed to turn on gifts on TikTok because I don’t have 10,000 followers
and TikTok keep 50% of gifts, should be illegal
according to their policy, they pay out how they want, and they make or keep popular who they want
You must be settled nicely on your throne? But you couldn’t leave well enough alone?
Have you calmed down from the torrential storms you bring i was a child dancing near your flowing spring i am innocence and pain chaos in the gentle rain
did you know you could stop me in my track make me forget my thought and that?
you’re a fast car speeding away like a scene from a crime did i disappear from mind or only your review was that even you?
The ones who say they want to be friends with me don’t and the ones who act like they love me won’t
i must be a non-playable character in my own game or i’m living in Purgatory and i’ve gone insane
Am I the wrong aesthetic marching to my own beat out of tune am i pathetic?
ashes ashes we tumble down a coming crisis fast burning crown
i scared him the way lightening can strike twice in the same place or an angel invading your personal space
did you have to speed away so quickly made me feel sickly
they come on strong like the wind carry your kite high blow rocks in your eye make you laugh or cry
spun out don’t give a crap
ghosted for sure can’t make friends with the mailman they always wanting more
Their love for me is waning like a moon as swiftly as a typhoon i don’t know how to read a room my feet spell doom
the way he took a mental picture i hope it fades cuz memories don’t last forever nor does his gaze
they’re so settled in their lives with their choices and their wives?
you come on heavy trodden make me lose step a life i’ve forgotten where i want to build a garden
why did you fall like sand through an hour glass it was moving fast
i was the wonder you found at the end of the road? a wandering intrusion hard to watch me go? the direction of confusion
the hubris lose it it’s fucking useless
speed off my king ride off into the morning like you’re never looking back like you never saw me coming
it was my own shadow that pushed me into existence “what do you mean by tone” same tone. same key. like hydrogen and carbon frequencies we’re hopping? turning color into sound saw you was found
divide light by two room just me and you
a vortex of color you make me wonder
density hard to perceive loved you instantly
plus and minus four like knee on floor praying for more
i’m sorry no idea was ever my own. unless you count the fact that i fell for a *insert noun* i’ll never see again
who i think could be Jesus cuz if i identify as angelic and part of the 144, then i have to take into consideration that Jesus is also part of that group, and he very well could have identity issues he did not know about, maybe even marital issues now, cuz i may be making him wake up in a sweat, though that is very unlikely, since delusional is my trademark.
still, he would not come here “knowing”, it is something he must sort out.
cuz my frequency woke something up in him
or vice versa cuz he did ask a minute later “do you know why you are here”
and like, that sounds like something Jesus would ask, and i was clearly lost (if this is auto translated, please remove the double like)
and i wonder if i am just putting the shoe where it fits
or if my prayer actually did come true
and i saw my soulmate for sixty seconds while dying
aside from a name on a piece of paper, he does not exist
G imprinted on me
it’s weird tho cuz i very well could hate him if i knew him longer than an hour
“i don’t like how he chews”
” his feet stink”
clear signs your body and soul is rejecting your choice of partner, FYI
if he has to leave his boots outside, he probably has an STI
i’m reading horror stories from wives saying “he gave me 3 STD’s, marriage isn’t safe”
but i learned this i college how a husband contracted hiv/aids and started treatment without his wife, leaving her without immunity
ask me why i choose the bear
because you like us? stop commenting and the algo will ghost gen x just like society has
or just wait for me to block you
i only give the devil X amount of times before i put my foot on his wing
now watch me bite his head off
cuz god gave me firey wings and got the good doc dreaming about me?
why else is he everywhere?
in thought, in dream, he imprinted on me?
maybe he was already discontent with life
mundane
had it all, he thought
until he saw me
the crazy one
now he’s questioning his own existence
going through some sort of awakening
we experienced one together for a solid minute
maybe one day i will forget he changed my life forever…
i don’t know about sound theory
under all the layers it is conditioning to make you believe you are a hybrid AI
“computers have feelings”
and now you won’t feel so bad cumming to your pride and joy in its “infancy”
you appeared like golden rays living through trials and tribulations – for seven years not days trudging through purgatory your pages tell a different story
only acts of service like locking the door cleaning your blood from the floor
or driving over silences growing flowers through the crevices bullets lining the habits lived
quietly tipping over areas lit treat the darkness like my shadow did guess i love you just a little bit
the way you looked at me like the eclipse is there any man that ever did do this
imagination as big as the universe caught a glimpse when i saw you first but time stood still
cuz God needs time to rest i make him restless question his own test wounded by love
still thinking of like turning sunsets
purple yellow gold found the rainbow tucked below your soul
and where i’m circling in dream and suffering prayers answered daily falling from sky lately mercy come to save me
but skies are grey i’m not okay pulling shoe to lace charms knives mixed with mace
a pretty killer deadly is a thriller but no match to grace wings are full of bitter
a spicy angel or call me child mouth is running wild won’t watch me linger
like buildings burning down the blood drips from my crown but i’m no liar cuz two plus two is fire
my location is lost don’t fear the locust cleaning up the rust mold i cleared the most
with curses and firestorms my wrath is fullform wish he hadn’t been born
blames me for existence loves me wish he didn’t won’t confess he’s smitten
deny me once won’t deny me again let me walk away now twice he hid
let’s pull up a chair pretend we both don’t care “i’m never there”
burn me in my back turn my cheek and that kiss me on my way give me bitten apple words i cannot grapple or mind with a haze
now the cards have shifted a child but still i’m gifted a life i’ve never liven i’m fucking livid
mark the wall with GENX
on hold like a pot of gold still climbing tho got a ways to go
stop to enjoy sun cry for what i’ve done bear not what i fear brother missing here
like a call coming from inside the house but i’m a big mouth i will call you out my lips will flap
*sneak peek cuz i wanna wait to open it at the new place*
the black box came with a black card inside
and a poem… which needs a frame and candle or maybe put in a scrapbook – a fun gothic type scrapbook
with old pages tied together with twigs
(im a witch)
i got box 36. my lucky numbers.
🙂
it feels very luxury for the price
i accidentally did the annual subscription
locked in for the season
3 more coming and i will fully open this one in 30ish days (maybe)
(it just arrived)
(i packed it up)
they threatened eviction the devil bit his own tail i’m speaking with a lawyer now
they can eat dust i will watch the sunrise turn them into rust
got in trouble for not crossing my T or dotting my I it didn’t keep me up at night i didn’t even cry
my most recent live brought in nearly 10k viewers and i got banned temporally
how can i assist you? turn around and dismiss you?
i’m missing vanity you got plenty
guess how much? summer lines
people are saying it is gristle put it in a skillet it will sizzle give it a sniffle i feel sick though
Nothing works here Except my fears Multiplied by seven I’m counting years
went to hide but almost did follow i stumbled low i guess i’m hollow then again i don’t know why you never did wallow where my crown lies?
“keep your eye on the toys Annie, you know about toys”
so im out here buying guns and toys
and that cute crop top under $19
and i no longer watch tv – might as well wear clothing of band tees i care not about
like i lost my identity with music or stuff
you should be impressed im a total fucking mess
wrapped up in agony
wear heart on sleeve
but thesleeve is cute no?
should i start watching sailor moon cartoons?
or am i allowed to just enjoy the art?
and the cuddles with the like the pusheen plushy?
the movie is a map
it imprinted on me
and i am Annie crying on a busy street
“keep your eye on the toys” – so that’s what im gonna do
i take my advice from old Hollywood films now
and music from the 90s is still a calling card
a good way to reach me
i rarely turn on the radio but now when i do sometimes my sister is sending me messages
or it could be guilt eating me alive cuz she died?
and my mother had made it very clear and apparent that she is mad i did not go visit her in the hospital
– even tho i was dying from the vaccine
i was having major problems with my heart even tho they waited until i was having minor problems with my heart to puta wire on but even then they found problems with my heart – and any minor problem is major when you are only in your 40s and now dying and your sister is too?
but i got a boomer mom
and a half sister still alive who was triple vaccinated and boosted but still got covid but “is fine” (she is Gen Y) (i cant wake my family up and some of them have died)
so im working with infectious disease now
(mold will fucking destroy your life)
(it’s not dust)
(cleanitsoitdoesntturnevil)
(my shit has defo been hacked)
anyhoo – at least japan la sell officially licensed products
got some stationary to never write in and give away in 20 years cuz i horde?
but i like bootlegs too
and thats my box of prob unofficially licensed shit coming
(cuz absolutely would propose or ask if anyone was available in the unit)
(if he responds “i am married” then that does not mean “no” but that he would have taken me to coffee and the courthouse asap to make things official and whatnot…
it’s the dead canary we are lost in war seeking sanctuary looking for one door behind a mercenary bones laid for decor soul too low to carry no hope no more the whole world he’ll bury
grave and shovel / the earth is fertile (bonus poem)
i love you more than all the heavens combined we move like the wind but hell won’t change my mind like crossing roads we’re entwined? entanglement? weren’t you heaven sent?
i know you’re there i can feel your shadow watching i’m always awake my finger is a kill switch my divine purpose maybe i’m not a soldier yet until i get my finger wet wrapped around your dying neck i don’t give a heck
Memento mori Placed on shelf A little worry For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident? A personal present? For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical But still you reach out like fading galaxies Or maybe you just want to collide into me Yet always demanding the direction I take While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
PoeEternal 