He was something beautiful A storm surge Rushing through oblivion At the throne of dutiful No question he loved her
Dust forms in the cracks of your soul Exit gates where my pity can tiptoe
Try to disappear wearing red Got the killer on a bloodshed Going for the gold Glowing above my halo
He’s breathing lead Like he’s the second planet from the sun You better run
But I’ll be hiding in light I’m right in sight The guns and the knives
It’s familiarity Hiding twice as fast as speed Is he looking at me
Lying underneath the rubble Exactly where he’s slugging Disappointment ain’t subtle
The way your stillness blinds me Turns me into butter Like looking in the sun
So I escape instead Of dying in the gutter In the lattice of the young
Last time I was caring? Red herring When’s a time you never lied? HaHa you tried
I’ve been sleeping with an attitude I’ve been sleeping like you asked me to Sometimes it really comes to choice Like what else am I supposed to do?
Grossly corrupt How they grew up
Got us hanging from the line And my ears are ringing From your screaming “You gotta cut it this time” The world below spinning My head killing But I’ll need a minute To process this ending
You’re waning gibbous Saying death could be the best of us
I seek a future different the past. What right ascension and declination have you seen one at?
I never really learned to tie a knot It’s not my luck I never learned to love a lot
Can’t get a leg up Probably miss him too much Text him when I’m not drunk
Like when I give him secrets Can’t trust he won’t keep them Wrap em up beneath him
Bran scan shows I’m dumb But I don’t know how come Unlike this chair I built With all his lies I’ve dealt
I’ve got a single bullet Don’t know where I should put it Maybe under the Mistletoe Right where the axes go
Have you succumbed Down in the mire Took you how long Cutting through the liar
There are hills I have climbed There are mountains where I’ve died I’m still lingering on the hillside There are trails where the blood dried
Your stats are booming! But it doesn’t mean I’m looming Come school me Don’t fool me
I had the worst diet Lived on his lies like it was the Hyatt His love was a riot Never peace Just wanted quiet
What am I doing holding onto these ashes? Counting midnight stashes? Wondering how long life is? Cuts like a knife when Life ends Just like yours did Where does mine begin?
The same way they think they’re game is worth waiting for They’re a fucking bore Matchmaking locked But I got a glock
I didn’t want to give another update; another reason why I am late. An outtake: for fuck sake
My favorite part of the journey is the rest Think I like it best Some call me lazy Cuz I like to nest?
Of course we would meet through the ether I’m not pure either Heaven I would not enter Just sitting here in purgatory Like a bedtime story
My love is buried in a cave Degrading Am I worth saving?
Dear Follower, I know you followed Through endless hollow Look all the years and roads we travelled Bickered laughed falling on some gravel
The places we will go You know I miss you so?
Met you at my lowest like an interlude of course it wasn’t the devil but God true and true even if you were just a man he looks just like you?
Do you think God could create a love that goes on forever? Do you think the universe is a love letter? Cuz I’ve got memories as distant as stars But not where you are Like living in a waking dream You are there in the corner of my seams WALKING WITH ME
We’re neurodivergent We spin like it’s urgent Spinning faster than the earth is Some say we’re imperfect
Error Like an arrow Straight to the center gravity Of my failure
Still I’m getting better Miscalculating data Just like the AI Counting only matter
I don’t know what I’m holding on to Will I disappear after all I’ve been through If I let her go, will I be new?
I don’t know what I’m doing here When I want to roam the streets dear But my shadow’s bringing fear
I don’t know why I’m circling Nothing I do ever stops the hurtin’ There’s just avenues of me
Burial piece cuz single never married (i think it’s real crystal cuz it’s imperfect yah?) but also the energy – the light reflecting – the weight and things (new crystal head piece) (will things catch fire if i go out in the sun – i mean that could make for a good vampire short) (and yes people do catch their houses and cars on fire over 1 tiny crystal – how many does this hold) – new superpowers uncontrolled – prob why im grinning – i could be the most hideous beast but not my headpiece) (he gonna wanna marry me)
They pass out medical diagnosis like it’s a weather forecast; “You’re 6 degrees from dying but there’s sunshine at last”…
Precognition
I said, you’re perfect Nothing would be worth it That’s the verdict
(I’ll never date or acknowledge another ten) (not even gonna look their way) (oof TOUCHE BROTHER)
RUST IN HELL
Like if a ten ever asked me out for anything I’d be like: WHAT. NO. You’re more than a ten.
I’d simply walk away.
And if he persisted I’d just demand loudly: I DON’T WANNA BE YER FLESHLIGHT
Yeah no NOT REAL – DENOUNCED – took me a whole science degree and 40 plus years WOOHOO – I AWOKE
Like standing up for yourself While backing into a wall It’s no fun at all But you will prob hear me laugh As I’m picking up my step Crying down the hall
I dunno if I’m clumsy or if it’s almost a full moon
Two things can be true at once
I get upset I don’t spend more time talking to the stars
That shit won’t even be twinkling til I ask it something specific: “did you miss me, two for yes, one for no” and I’ll be blessed it’ll blink twice
HA! knew knew
Our love is instant – no distance between the two
The sun is local
Flat earth: not confirmed
(I know things b4 they happen)
I pick up the signal before the signal arrives
DO U WANT MORE LINES?
(Im still under a treatment plan, not in remission, got tired of the constant penalties trying to game or socialize)
You don’t want me writing on *insert CGP* yet
Better let me feed the squirrels
And stop cutting down the trees
You already ran off Owl or killed him one
Im on final edge
THERE’S NO MORE WARNINGS
I’ll attempt to post some of my DBD gaming maybe – just to show you how pissed off I really am – either go all in on the killer hardcore pallet stun blind after blind or i never move
I go in without an offering item or perk
I don’t lurk
It’s either “go ahead and get yer 4k or there’s no stopping me and i’ll even get the hard save”
I was laughing SO HARD when I kept getting STUN AFTER STUN and kept shaking my head NO but the killer was heated – and I was so calm – Im learning to control my moods thru the game lmao
Get the killer all worked up and I aint even breaking a sweat
Eh sometimes I feel bad and just let them have me cuz damn i be mean
But what’s even more fun is the killer only saving me
Ive tried to die and they’re like “nah you can have hatch”
“Im suicidal too”
Sweet. Happy Halloween boo.
Squirrel enjoying the fresh food n water from the rabbit carrot ceramic bowls
I uninstalled the game. AGAIN.
And I don’t doomscrool
The one app I was left on kept punishing me after I spent loads of money feeding the enemy
Im not supporting other creators when I cant do the same (without penalty)
Im tired of appealing?
I really wanna update my blog?
I have goals but then again Im bed rotting
I was at physical therapy yesterday
“Im not ready for a walker”
But you need to get use to seeing me with a walking stick
I imagine the distance that keeps us – and why heaven can’t reach us – because space isn’t just silent – it’s speechless
Maybe your name is Apophis. We’re both lost in the abyss.
THAT’S NOT WHAT I ASKED
According to Saint Peter Steele:
“April 2-0-2-9 the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour – in fact – is quite here” (-)
(Could you pick your speed up on writing lines, even if I’m not on time, I never learned to set a clock, I never even hear a chime, it’s almost like it is a crime, but I can do a run-on, I think it has been too long, but I don’t have timer in the kitchen to help me not burn this song)
He reminds me of you. But aren’t your eyes blue? Like an angel from the sky, make me fall down and sigh. Know you saw me coming too…
Or maybe your the Jester, I’m just a guesser
Do you know how to measure luminosity? What about the loss of me?
(I really just wanted to share the first 4 lines – I’ll play catchup another day)
It’ll be easier to snap photos of my messy writings
It’s just freestyle
It’s not messy messy
It’s just – the urge – to write in cursive
With curses
Found out who you really were / didn’t make a difference cuz / you were meant for her \
You go from sunshine to icy winds The road less travelled is the road we’ve been You go from shadow to now we’re friends? I guess we’re ghosting again?
Are you paying for your sins Cuz it’s all black and white where we live Like looking at the the sky We go places planes won’t fly
Have you sat in a room with your biggest enemy? Did you have a chance to dine with me?
Where do you go when you plan to leave? Will you appear in another galaxy?
Cuz’ I don’t need a crystal ball To see the sacrifices crawl Or flowing down the river bank “It’ll never flood again you think”
Have you calculated costs? Is it buried under mud and frost? Or a thousand-hundred years Like losing lives on lies
Cuz you ain’t never shared your bread with me You ain’t never been to bed with me (But I know you would’ve bled with me)
Cuz shedding sin is like shedding ghosts? But it’s cold outside, so you’ll need your coats
I know you got an alibi I’ve been driving 80 Flooring 100 lately Just to hear your lie
Time is platinum Unlike for Juliana Sacrificed no honor Locals cheering “she’s a goner”
But I don’t know who wins this When every policy’s unfit Unclear is your last text sent Since you swore there were no fears
I saw you trembling on the mountain dear And how they took their time on getting near But I know they had “a lot of gear” An ulterior motive to carry up as well
“I’m not afraid” God is unfazed But they will pay when they return to hell
Twisted Masquerade year nine / have you been with me this whole time?
You go from sunshine to icy winds The road less travelled is the road we’ve been You go from shadow to now we’re friends? I guess we are ghosting again?
The earth could tip and the sea would swallow us wide – Everything but my pride!
Store said she’d been there the longest – adopted and returned
They said she likes to bite
Charlie already wants to extend the family
I told Charlie it might not be best knocking Daisy up her first night here
Not to mention the HABs aren’t even completed
I was going in for substrate and saw that sign for “50% off”
They said eventually it’d be reduced even further – to 75% and then well… she goes one more place and tries one more time (where surely she will bite and their number one rule for biting is “put down”)
It saddens me this society – this lifestyle of bartering one another at what cost
There was another girl that was born there – i really wanted her – she had a cow-like print
I NEED LAND
And a shed
I don’t care what the influencers think
“…this is animal abuse”
But mine are sleeping peacefully in their chaotic HAB
(HAB is short for habitat for those who don’t know)
They also get me as their caretaker and no one on TikTok seems to get that
I told Daisy today that the family returned her because she didn’t belong with them, she belonged here
I’m scared of Daisy
But she let’s me handle her, has not bit me, and has stopped squealing like a squeaky toy when I pick her up
She also allows me to segregate Charlie even tho she runs after him
It’s new to her
Probably hurts
She knows she wants it but she don’t
And Charlie be down there doing things that should be behind closed doors
But she could rip his head off when she is thru
And that’s the reality of adopting two Syrian hamsters from different stores
Male and female
Of breeding age
It’s almost like I needed enrichment in my life
Trying to keep two hamsters from killing one another or falling in-love
They said she was spicy so I named her after a sweet flower
Daisy seems to have already taken to her name
She knows not to bite me….
She’s learning her new HABs
She’s met Charlie 4 times – and he was ready to extend the family right away
They have been grooming one another
Licking and sniffing
Lots of face-to-face stare offs
Nose touches
Could be love or war
She’s not as fit? It was her first time on a 10 inch or 8 inch wheel. They had a saucer at the store
Prob used it to lay on
Charlie has a friend now but she could be a killer so I won’t leave them alone
I know I shouldn’t be buying hamsters while dying and not even having the correct HAB setup
But now my life has purpose
Can’t move into my Noah phase if the ark is empty
Back to the basics
They say I am a child that never grew up
So I got a hammy
Logical
(And I know you love me even more)
(But you don’t know why)
(Cuz you fucking hate me and will never speak again)
Did you know I read sign language Even the moon spells Chris It’s half-crescent Like him He’s half-present Maybe it’s Christmas The way you kiss? Removed the space between the hiss Laid down your blade And took my fist Maybe you’re the silence On my blank list Where none can follow Your name won’t fit?
He doesn’t understand why I’m always giving gifts I ain’t tribal Don’t read the Bible But he swears I’m collecting feather wings He said he thinks he saw me growing things But you’re a liar Can’t be re-wired Always on the run Must be so tired Cuz the Devil’s in your blood Here’s comes the Great Flood Mixed with bones and fire
I know. I KNOW. I don’t drink enough water. Or I drink too much. (Somewhere, a thousand years down the road, some asshole will take that out of context. I ONLY DRINK WATER. HOPE YOU BURN 4EVA THIS HELPS
I’m not filing in a single orderly line so the AI will understand me
ME > PROGRAM IN MATRIX > DOING WHAT IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO DO
I dunno what you’re waiting on Hell to come? I have arrived Sat down outside With pen in hand But I’m out of ink? But these walls know what I think? Like considering heaven And the events to get me there then? It’s far from happening Though death is companying Like an uninvited guest at my deathbed I wanted you instead? Your words? Your calls? My phone a friend? Whom I can but can’t depend? Us against them? Gone yet united? The system? The stranger you’re lying with? Oh you know their name? Cool but I’m no longer hiding that I have gone insane? Maybe only temporary? Can’t take this to the pearly gates I’m expressing all my rage But I’m innocent The midnight moon glowing The avalanche down the mountain flowing Honestly, might be where I’m going? Since the mountains are the only ones who are calling!!! And hell froze over on me In the hottest parts of the city I was like wait a minute, “it is snowing” So that’s my reality And the neighbors building melting snowmen While my rage is burning within Yelling at the therapist, “I don’t like the sound of voices… except his” “Yours is okay, I actually admitted this”!?! Like I can handle a “handful” But not in succession “I quit group confession” But I really need a priest? My new doctor thinks she can fix what is inside of me? INFORMED CONSENT I’m ready to try it Left the doc a message “I’m pretty sick” Just got off the phone with a pharmacist But as far as my medicinal “I ain’t gotta quit” Thank fuck About to take a hit (Just hopepray this ain’t the culprit) Cuz coconut ain’t on the foods to eat And I ate a bit…. 🙂
They dilated my eyes this morning cuz i had my lookers examined – and at first it was without my glasses on – they are using a new method with a mirror and computer screen laser and I could see fuck all. She kept turning nobs “and now” and the panic set it “not like anything at all” and she did not realize my glasses were corrective (she thought just readers) and the instant relief we both had and the laughter coming from the room “i can see the smallest lines”
I ain’t blind
I mean, without glasses, I can see there’s a sign but I couldn’t tell you the name of the road
“You go a couple miles til you see Big Lots, now if you get to the Circle K you’ve gone too far”
And while you over there swing by the drive thru Little Caesar’s and get me one of them $10 stuffed crust
(Only they ain’t ten in my city, a couple more)
And I was at the grill at the VA today ordering 3 scrambled brown eggs
“You got any vegan turkey bacon or sausage”
“We got some Turkey bacon but it ain’t vegan”
“My doc says I can’t have no meat currently but some of us can’t be no vegetarian”
And an echo of “amen” “i hear that”
But I only got the toast and eggs
Wish I had got SIX SCRAMBLED
Next time double
I might be little but I got a big appetite
Greedy lil thang
It’s annoying how much I gotta eat to constantly be losing weight
But while being very sick I ordered Chipotle (not pizza) to get a salad and they had NO CHICKEN which I suddenly hate the taste of chicken?
So I got the beef
My body absorbed it
It said FUCK YEAH
Cuz I really needed some meat and I refuse pork but they were out of chicken and I hate chicken?
So to me the universe directed me to the “all beef”
The cow is in heaven now and my tummy
I will not make a habit tho
I’ve gone MONTHS without beef eating only chicken and then no meat for several weeks and almost died
You come cook the lentil meatloaf
I’m DYING
I need SOUP
My VEGAN SOUP
so that is my goal
Back to my homemade soups!
I thrive on vegan soup, spring water, and cashews.
Back to the basics for me
And oatmeal IS on the foods I can eat
Thank GOD
I literally cried cuz she said “no cereal” but to me oatmeal is cereal
The good oatmeal with berries im allowed
–
And I love eating eggs again?
I thought I hated eggs but now I will inhale them
Just eggs
No salt, no pepper
Scrambled. Grill. Buttered toast (i dunno if the toast is allowed) (please give me one piece of toast)
THANK YOU
(Claim the grits too) (Even tho they ain’t allowed)
There’s no benefits to corn
CABBAGE ON THE GOOD LIST THO
(I made a spicy vegan taco with cabbage – don’t overcook the cab) – it was fab)
P.S. i told the psych doc i did not need any help euthanizing myself if/when the time comes (if) and he upped my meds…. FYI
And I have to see him again in 3 weeks…
The truth is, I prob would need your help cuz I wouldn’t wanna burn in hell for all eternity
God would forgive you potentially
This isn’t an invite
You just need to prepare
In case
“Too analytical” but how the fuck else would you crunch the kinda numbers you do?
I math in my own way
You know I see things you don’t
And you understand the thing I see
Most days I’m sorting out which timeline I am in
(Is this why you don’t call)
(please don’t call)
It’s better if we write?
Getting new eyes. These were my choices. I was allowed 3 frames. 1 for reading, 1 tinted for driving, and one for day. Any extras I had to pay. So took the freebies. Cuz Ivermetin cost me $180 alone woot woot (but she thinks it’s gonna sort me)
Need the good prays
New eyes incoming soon
They do sell ray-bans but those ain’t free lol
I do like the 3 new frames incoming tho (the clear will be my readers, the purple/black the tint, and the cute feminine pair on top is for my dailyware
She said they made me look ten years younger 🙂
We’ll see 🙂
I also still have no computer cuz at war with big bro?
They dilated my eyes and I had to drive home in a big storm
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate. I do not like when the killer takes me to the corner and does something i’d rather not repeat… i like watching the killer go after my teammates – he will watch me watching him – i do not like when the killer hooks me *mad face* i do like when the killer chases me and carries me but lets me go… i don’t always want my team to be sacrificed and he should abide and sometimes they do… sometimes the killer will be acting so heated and shady i gotta calm him down… “i turned the killer friendly…” “maybe” “it could go either way”
…even the grey light was blinding
And I hope to get back to rhyming 🙂
More future updates/notes in rhyme mode?
Practice makes the perfects worse I swear
Pssst… waiting on a story from you
I wanna share my story ideas
Rough drafts
Maybe I’m afraid you’ll know how much I’m twisted?
These days, the script is written, no point in keeping it hidden? 🙂
“She’s a little kuku? But she’s harmless” “for now”
“..i wouldn’t go testing the waters or nothing”
“…the Army trained her you know…”
“Uncle Sam’s fault she’s that way”
“She’s like a gremlin”
“Just don’t feed her after midnight…”
I told the pill doc I had no prob euthanizing myself – i can be approved in Canada – when is the VA offering it
And he upped my meds…
Told him I be crying randomly in public or at home doing anything
There’s a serial killer on the loose Roaming places you once knew SAID YOU HATE IT TOO Blackouts in Spain Signals lost in Europe Doc says I’m insane Your image Burns like sunrays Might forget your name But not today
I’m switching squads Never tell me the odds
GOT IN TROUBLE FOR COLORING!
And watering my plants
Prob gonna buy. I can barely walk. But one can dream and waste money simultaneously..
Want another poem?
Oh you want me to open it? I gotta read it for you too? *rolls eyes*
You ask me what I think? Relax and let the ship sink. The fridge is empty. That’s why we’re sinking?
One day I know you will write Until then You keep on counting when The sun will turn grey Like my head will one day?
In between the heartache The constant tug-of-war The daily battles And crying on the floor The thinning hair and desires And hours wanting more There was so much love Worth fighting for
6000 years of nihilism but there’s gonna be hell to pay
He went through all the emotions at once Psychosis Like distant chanting There were no monks Yet heard voices calling He locked death in trunks
Hey, Where are you? I’m locked out of my account. Like being locked out of the house. But there’s no yard about.
There’s a stench Coming from below Where the landlord resides Could be a dead body Could be anybody Decisions don’t decide
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate / cuz I’m his favorite / the one he’ll never hate
He called Said time isn’t linear I bawled Lips confessed he was a sinner
We were standing in a blast zone I knew we didn’t have too long
I asked, who ripped the soul from this place? Like he was looking at heaven’s grace (can’t take his eyes from my face)
Couldn’t tell you I’m better or worse Wouldn’t tell you I might need a hearse
He’s double worried. Again worried. So make that a triple.
I picked up a lot of details.
5 men. Drones. Rooms with blue lights. Cancer. Cops. Mexico. An apartment. Girls who disappear.
But my house is trapped with a single blade of worry.
…. the kind of love letters i receive (thought i’d share a tidbit cuz i don’t kiss and tell) (the entire things reads like a horror film – but he’s worried for me – really really worried). This is how I hyphen unless it’s a sugar-free word. I dunno. I’m not changing now.
I’m not sharing the rest of the DM, not even with the FBI. It does read a whole lot better than this whole blog post but I think there might be at least three lines in this blog post that were worth reading plus you got a new photo!?!
Okay BYEEEE
(And the Army trained me to take on more than 5 guys. So did my skinhead boyfriend. It was a long time ago and I was dumb. But I remember his best friend was named after a black guy and I said that must suck. Because he was a racist, but his name was Jesse Williams or something
I’m not racist. I hate everybody but listen they were OK. They were fucking racist but the irony was the white dude was named after a black person so I just thought that was interesting cause I was 15 years old so don’t take it out on me OK because I made fun of him for being racist AnyWho.
I’m done correcting the AI for free
He also likes to change the word nihilism to nationalism and I would block him as quickly as you can say gross – but they think they can force electronics on me and I’m about to go AWOL I’m fucking dying anyway like I literally fell out of my bed and now I’m back to barely being able to walk again even though it’s not because I fell out of my bed. I just don’t know what the fuck is going on
I can’t walk. I’m gonna get some running shoes, seems practical. 
Why aren’t you here to carry me?
I don’t need anyone to euthanize me. I can do that myself.
I MADE SURE I WAS SET UP JUST IN CASE
Of a break in
Or breakdown
Planning ahead
I mean, not planning
Uhm
It’s JUST IN CASE
I forget your birthday or something
39?
40?
I went six months thinking I was older than I am so leave me the fuck alone
(It’s a figure of speech)
😭
I’m just being proactive?
At least it’s updated With blood-stained carpet There’s an old dusty fan Spinning right over your bed
The only noises are the planes overhead Chimes with random messages Claim drones instead Said there’s a wall Full of something sinister Pictures lined with pictures Killer stalking killer Who then will acquit her Like he’s a protector Said they work in teams of 5 Things that made him quiver Clues, worries, blessings, confessions A messenger with lessons?
I’ve got a mountain of sorrow We could meet
You could sign a lease Or you could borrow Free next week or tomorrow?
Your lines Equipped to mine Fly faster than earth’s rotation Despite hesitation
Each time a soul is born the sun loses mass I know my math
Impermanence Like walking into a fog that swallows all clarity I am this Slowly etching fists The ground broke the dissent
Message received Like a spear in side Am I deceived You’re a ghost or guide Above or underneath I can’t decide
I received An ominous message by you Like walking on eggshells I gotta break them first too Otherwise, what do we do?
I scream But now my silence is the loudest in the room Like fingers mimic shadowwork Deep inside I guess he knows my worth
Now cops and drones And smoke and darkness Won’t cover my bones I stand tall alone
In my restless dreams Nestled in between What happens if you slip and fall What happens if the rope breaks When you’re crossing frozen lakes Bridges iced from all we take Just one more wake…
Stop laying on the floor Covered in your own blood Guess the gun didn’t jam Get up, give a damn
Maybe stick around The way I haunt you Eons not enough to
So what? we’re dying You gotta push through
Nine seven three Who the fuck keeps counting Get up off the ground
Or take an intermission Put a tourniquet on what is missing Oh honey I am listening
He’s not happy where he’s at I can see it in his frown Want to wear it like a hat Wash it over me Drown in the aftermath
I do judge Like a great reckoning I carry grudge
ALL LINES RHYMES AND CRIMES WRITTEN BY ME (minus the ominous message)
(More of the ominous love letter warning) (or scam) (or story)
The power really is out in all of Europe and there potentially is a serial killer loose in New England or thereabout
There’s this one guy who answers me immediately if I leave him a comment under any of his videos on his TikTok but if I say hi to him in his live stream, it’s like I don’t exist
so I unfollowed him and followed him back because I have the worst etiquette in this hell hole
Also I think some guys get mad when they see that I’m writing boys in prison!?!?
But it wasn’t a loveletter
It was a poem about black holes and hell
As if I needed to remind him that time is forever
And I ain’t even mailed it
I literally get in trouble for fucking coloring on my live stream and I’m covered up and fuck you. I have to see men all over TikTok, barely wearing anything.
I hope more of you drive off a bridge
I think “fuck you” sounds nicer
You stayed? Goodnight. All my clothes are dirty, and the landlord has not given me the free washer and dryer that he promised me which means I probably need to invest in one which is another fucking expense
I’m an architect Of my own hell Cuz even when you arrive I will yell
Like sadness is marketed Please send help Where map is uncharted Ignore the welp
I’m not allowed to return to the temple Make a way out of no way Things are not very simple The hills are unsafe Likely things I will say When we dig where we tremble
The Great Florida Blizzard of 2025 (photo by @poeeternal)
I disassociated for five minutes and forgot TikTok was banned and uninstalled it and now I can’t get it back on my iPhone, but I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, 10 minutes on the rebounder and two hours doing a tai chi class
I mean so
I could go live on my tablet maybe no
Blog updates + poetry dropping at random (prob times you should be sleeping) (why aren’t you sleeping)
p.s. today i learned (which was yesterday) that 30% of firefighters are prisoners making $10 a day & they can’t use the job as a reference when they get out – or be hired officially as one (cuz criminal).
now this is speculation (this part) but they musta put all the officially trained firefighters at the Getty museum and left the prisoners to sort the mansions in the valley
some of them might be going through an awakening right now
they know you worship them so will ask for handouts
the majority fled to another safe house
meanwhile NC TN & HA have had their land stolen by the government
there’s a few mansions in the hills that stood
they have hope
im just waiting on the “evicted” portion due to toxic land and water like they did for the commoners
i wouldn’t want to be under that but you insisted to put out that tiny flame
mansions are burning to the ground love
ha ha ha
ha ha!
herrrrrr!
errrrr
😐
how does that REM song go again?
i feel fine?
p.s.s.s.s.stimesinfinitys.s.s.s(9)[9]: i miss your poems and stories not written about me x2
🙂
i love squirrel and i love you 🙂
but not the staff 🙂
I NEED A BIGGER SMILEY FACE
and can you tell the dark haired neighbor he can come out his home
i ain’t no criminal lol
i ain’t no bum
i’m just LOST IN PURGATORY AND ON THE MOVE AGAIN
i hate it here and it’s not cuz of him!
i hope he ate the candy! i’m still eating on mine!
tell the cancer FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU
so u gave it most away to someone who could handle the treats better
they cost a lot
i hope they were ate
halloween is a favorite season and NOT ONE PERSON CAME TO TRICK OR TREAT
wah
LAME LAME LAME
i want to live in a neighborhood and give out BIG TREATS and water bottles
I DID!
but boomers be scared of worldwide candies?
whereas the other gens enjoy treats from other countries
it’s not like they worry about what is put in american food! it aint food! it aint real chocolate or cheese!
i like to shop in the international aisle
i lived in Germany nearly 3 years (minus a war)
DO U KNOW HOW OLD I AM
HOW LETHAL
but i aint your enemy nor the candy
im sorry i was cold to you
walmart was trying to kill me
THERE ARE ZERO RECALLS AT PUBLIX FYI
im trying to find land2buy
please say hi 😦
before you move 😦
before i move 😦
NO ILL WILL
from now on only poetry in the form of commentary
m’kay
remember when i wore makeup and dresses and performed spoken word not read from a device? remember when i shared behind-the-scenes of forgetting lines?
remember when i had long hair and i stopped using filters?
what happens when there are no more lines, hair, or teeth?
will you still love me?
look at all the centuries we crossed to ghost one another again?
i love you but i dont love the staff
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR (JUST DEPENDS ON WHICH ONE)
IT AIN’T YER BRO YO
*giggles*
where is that pdf file i castrated into the void?
he ain’t texted me back since i blocked him for calling me “gross” for being on my period again
WRONG ANSWER
PIZZA NOW
but please im trying to become vegan so i only eat chicken
where people cannot recognize themselves in the mirror
i mean stories
for instance, i’m not doing anything illegal even tho i am heavily watched by the oink oinks who shadowbanned me – which means they are STALKING ME and the ones IN MY PHONE
they are outta comtrol
this aint MINORITY REPORT even tho it is
it might not be illegal yet but with a click of a button and push of a pen, the policy will be changed and im not allowed to tell you voting don’t matter or to HOLD THE LINE
blocking EVERY po po who comes up in my FY feed
like if i can’t show my weapon in uniform – i don’t want to see yours
WHOM I LITERALLY OUTRANK AS A CIVILIAN
even the lying sleeping doctors
OUTRANK
they trying to entrap me
but not just me
and they are bullies!!! they will poke and prod until “gotcha”!
they are evil money hungry demons!!!!
but someone accidentally called me baby girl
and i can’t stop thinking about that
and they probably can’t stop thinking about that (for different reasons)
sometimes we think people are thinking of us when we are not
IS THERE SOME REASON THE SPACE BAR HANGS ON A DIGITAL DEVICE
i prefer the OLD WAYS TO COMMUNICATE
fyi
social media is literal entrapment
i need a new identity
and offline for good
and tell the pigs to BACK OFF and do something more valuable with MY TAX DOLLARS
God is getting angry – i can feel it
but it’s just a feeling
told you i was tired of squirrel being killed for no reason
and along comes the government and takes an animal from his home of 7 years – distressed it until it bit and then put it down!
but the sheeple want a policy written?
but it all supports nihilism is a plague
and im fucking sick of watching the weak minded ruin this country with dictator policies
just wondering when rent strikes happen
cuz next move i give them NO FORWARDING ADDRESS
cause and effect my love
HAVE FUN
(he called me baby girl)
(the title of the poem)
(if there were a title)
(really sick of the government stalking me like a bad ex)
(and also trying to entrap me)
(but i have a lot to complain about)
(if you got time and an ear for me to unload)
(does unloading include snacks)
(i like to eat)
(never hear me complaining about eating)
(unless the food is poisoned)
(never say never)
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I AM NOT TRYING TO HURT ANYONE
i literally have ptsd about squirrel
i never found his head
RIP PEANUT AND FRED
im sure somehow i will be blamed for that as well
i felt bad i missed social cues by the neighbor and now he thinks i want to marry or kill him
i literally wish all men would leave me alone
I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU
I NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU
i cared that i missed SOCIAL CUES
bet you didnt tell the undercover that
WHO HANGS OUTSIDE MY WINDOW
HELLO
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ALSO WALK OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND THEN ACT LIKE I AM STALKING YOU
STOP SUCKING YOUR MAMAS CASH TIT
I OUTRANK THE PO
HO HO HO
i got ZERO FUCKS TO GIVE
LEAVE ME ALONE
STOP PICKING ON ME SO YOU FIND A REASON TO LOCK ME UP
ENTRAPMENT
YOURE GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY
I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL
YOU MAY STEAL MY LIFE BUT YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY MY FAITH
i killed the monsters under my bed i drove through forest of lead i can’t recall what was said but there’s a feeling of contempt and you follow where it went
heard him speak in past tense does he seek bereavement i’m looking through conflict buried under cement one too many secret like moon is crescent she is furled unpresent his hope is well lit?
“…she was such a good mom, i hope she can be a good mom again…”
oof
i don’t need to be psychic or have a degree in psychology to call it
“well how do you know they are dead? did you check their pulse”
i swear if i get asked that question i will hang up and call back for someone else
“LOOK THERE AIN’T NO GOT DAMN PULSE – IT STANKS”
“YOU COME CHECK THE GOT DAMN PULSE”
“IT’S THE WORSE SHIT I EVER SMELLED”
one time my grandaddy died (this needs to be the opening line of my book) and he had been dead for three days, down in the basement of the church, and i was a medic so they let me and my half-sister down there (her granddaddy by blood) and i decided to give him a hug
she said no one had ever written her a poem before!!!
the way i made her smile
she said she wanted to keep it forever
she said she wanted to share it with family and friends
Kaya learned English a year ago and speaks it better than me
she already knows slang, emojii, understands my not full sentences
although to be fair, she does not like my quick responses, short responses, or emoji text
but in the same context she also knows the neighbor woke something up in me – and words need not be said at all
she knows i want a husband
she knows i want a man
but Kaya understands the deepest and most shallow parts of me
Kaya is the person i wanted to grow up and be
why is she stuck behind a Great Wall
why does she want to change her name
she can
she (i hope) can do all the things she dreams
move to America, take on the name Cindy, get braces or surgery to remove your “vampire teeth” (my fave)
i wish i had a screenshot when she showed me – it was so cute haha
she made her mouth in a way that only showed the teeth she wanted replaced
her “vampire teeth” she called
“look” and she smiled showing only those
my god i love her
she is so smart and funny
and i’ve seen her in jeans and a tee, she is gorgeous
i fixed up her raw poem
i feel like it could be better
i did clean it up a bit before i posted it (no sound or music added)
i do want to record spoken word but i am extremely shy
i did not know she was going to stop in the middle of work to read my poem – but she did – all while ensuring her customer needs were met
i appreciate the speed in which she went to read
i thought it would happen after – on her own time
but i got to see and hear her reaction
i was afraid my poem wasn’t good enough for her
i was afraid she would not like it
or that it was too elementary (i am aware there are better writers in the world) (don’t they have editors)
i would never share or post anything or eventually produce something worthwhile 200 years down the road
they burn books and i have been shadowbanned
there are other non rhyming poets on TikTok that soak up all the rays
they get all the sunshine and praise
none if them ever take me serious as a poet
like if i try to follow or comment
cricket cricket criket
then i delete/unfollow/block/ignore
i am a child according to society
i’ll be sure to use this in the courtroom
“even the cop called me a child”
“it was recorded”
now that overweight “one acorn” prick is probably jerking off to me
(i threw up in my mouth a little)
oh hi ALLAN at the EPA
still waking up in sweats about my phone call huh?
and now every time you pay for sex you hear me say “i know you want love with a prostitute”
wonder how much mess you had to clean out
prob time for me to call again and remind you – i haven’t forgotten you laughed about the animals being MURDERED in the CITY simply because it is “private land” (i pay for) and “they can do anything they want”
i just wanna call up the EPA in Orlando
ask to speak to Allan
“i know you want love with a prostitute”
*hangs up*
*waits for a cop to call me privately*
*turns off phone*
*buries phone*
*changes number*
*goes AWOL*
cause-and-effect
have fun my love (Allan is NOT my love)
Allan is a nihilist who works for the EPA in Orlando
but i am hoping he changes positions and titles and names when i am done having fun
i hear the more restraining orders you have, the less they work
🙂
anyhoo
i wrote a poem for Kaya
she was moved to tears
NO ONE EVER WROTE A POEM FOR HER?
honey, YOU NEED TO WRITE AND PRESENT A POEM TO HER
BUY SOME CINDER WOOD
i do not want her to disappear into the night never to be heard from again
she deserves a vacation
and maybe not working 6 days a week?
she probably even deserves a better poem and friend than me
i am doing my best even if my best is 10%
my room was fine until i tried to fix it
now it looks like a hurricane came through?
and if i went to heaven right now – people would think this was how i lived…
in disorder
which is kinda true cuz my boomer mother kicked me from the nest and gaslit me about literally everything
she is nothing but government propaganda
not an original idea or thought
and add “lost” cuz her first born died as planned by the government she brown noises
but blames good ole me….
once my sister died i started to get peace in my life
maybe be people i want to love?
but then you do try and love them and they never change
toxic
now since my sister died some family has been reaching out
but i have ghosted them
they will burn in hell for all eternity for how they treated the ONE ANGEL in their life
I CAME TO JUDGE!!!
BORN THIS WAY!!!!!!
BORN TO FALL!!!!!!!!!
designed to break!!!!
a broken doll!!!!!!!!
losing hair!!!!!!!!!!!
turning into Chucky Bride!!!!!!!!
with a big knife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(which has a cancer warning)
(the weed has a cancer warning)
(the microwave)
i am weening myself from all unnatural products
no more pills!!!
just ordered over $200 in medicinal – gonna look at the cancer label until i no longer need to take a draw!
trying to manage my pain and stress more naturally
hearing pads, the air at 60, hot baths, extremely cold air, lots of water, *try to eat*, more water, another hot bath
and hot water can be damaging to hair so no more drowning my skull under the heat
everytime 3 or 4 hairs come out, im like please no more
and i do not want to cut what remains
hoping my scalp can recover
but the docs were not concerned my hair was falling out by the handful
“my labs are fine”
but im 50 kilos and now they care
i lost 20 pounds of cancer in a year!
sweated that toxic shit out!!!!!!!
not just sweat!!!!
TMI!!!!!!!!!!
met a neighbor last night who has an 11 year old male shitzu
he going to Zuma imm to detox his household
explained to him the CDC say 50% of the pop have parasites, you can get them from eating!!!!
or kissing a cat or dog!!!
i went on to say i aint never in my life detoxed or dewormed
and zuma use wild harvested plants grown in the USA, harvested in the USA, all organic, non GMO, no bad stuff!
i am not being sponsored
i am shadowbanned for being armed and dangerous
i’m a Soldier
of course i am armed
*rolls eyes*
they so mad i aint killed myself yet or died from the many ways in which they stone me!!!!!
GOD IS WATCHING EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!
THE STARS AEE RECORDING YOU!!!!
LIGHT IS INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!
WATER HOLDS DNA AND CARRIES INFORMATION!!!!
THE SUN IS ELECTRICAL
WE HAVE ELECTRIC FISH
YOUR HEART IS ELECTRICAL
you’re not a spirit in a body but a body in a spirit!!!
FIND GOD
whatever you have been doing serves SATAN and this twisted society
sterile pools filled with cancerous chlorine
the hottest period and the animals see a pool like a mirage in a desert
shame on you!!!!!!!!!
fuck your sterile pools!!!!
fuck your society too!!!!
stop giving all my money to a third party who wants us dead!!!!
I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN
I NEVER AGREED TO BE YOUR SLAVE
currently starting to ask the neighbors “you know any mechanics” and keeping my eyes peeled for anyone doing any work on theirs…
still wanna walk everywhere
but now walking has turned into “i wanna start running again” to “i need a bike”
and “maybe i wanna get rid of everything and travel the world”
anytime i wanna hit the L key i hit the X which removes the L and backspace to fix rarely works
i spend so much time running in circles fixing everyhthing
just put new batteries in my fast push and surprise!!! they need replaced!!!!
it is like this with everything!!!!
likeendless conference calls
keeping us busy busy so we do not know they are destroying us from within
like a frog in hot water
sad for the frog
being boiled alive
for science
ALL HAIL SCIENCE
acoording to the “we know” people, God is not real but something you cannot see like a Black Hole is real- but the math was not even mathing!!!!!!!
it was all conditioning!
propaganda!
Cox and his cocks!!!!!! he is a pedophile!!!!!!!!!!!’
read his damn book!!!!!
his own hero he called “old” at the grand age of 30!!!!!
they only like you until age 29!!!!!
(they will fuck anything, even a bride is a fleshlight to them)
THEY ALL WANT LOVE WITH A PROSTITUTE
NOT JUST ALLAN FROM THE EPA!!!!!
HI ALLAN!!!!!!!!
BET YOU WOKE UP JUST NOW!!!!
FUCK YOU!!!!
(i hope my weed arrives today)
(i want to quit it all)
(my card needs to be renewed again)
(you know how this goes)
since i started medicinal i no longer do street (even when i quit medicinal)
i no longer socialize and smoke
no recreational use basically
but they treat the medical shops like they are recreational (prices too) but i pay for a medical licensing
until they all vote recreational and the shop will not need to change much
just the packaging
we will get pretty colors and better propaganda instead of the boring packaging
(which we are gaslit and shown the pretty packaging but get the boring)
im paying for packaging that the recreational users get…
im so done with supporting Boomers or society
like i need to eat and sleep but that’s about it
“what do you do all day”
WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO WITH MY REMAINING DAYS
I GAVE IT ALL
THERE IS NO MORE
BOOMERS WILL WORK YOU TO THE GRAVE!!!!
they work their farm dogs until they have heart attacks!!!
SHAME ON YOU!!!
YOU ARE GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!
rape in marital sex was legal until the ??? 50s? 90s?
somewhere in between?
im shit with numbers
hard to come with facts
trying to save/extend the life of myself and my dog
what do i do all day?
THAT
and i write poems
maybe i should start telling the real world i write?
maybe i would have more/less than 5k followers?
who knows
they all resent me in the real world
i prefer my privacy
i only gave ONE GUY my tiktok before i moved
his burner has been changed into another burner and i do not want to be unfollowed or blocked
he gifted me a lot of things i was trying to buy
that’s not why i loved him tho
we do not choose the people we love?
George woke something up in me
the guy at the smoke shop
the neighbor
my most recent encounters
you do not need to resent me for writing Kaya a poem
she is 30 and has never had a poem written for her
she really loved mine… i mean HERS
i told her it was hers
i wrote it for her
so it’s hers forevermore
she said she wanted to put it on a box?
you mean like one of them handmade jewelry boxes that takes months to make?
that can last a long time?
my words have made it to China and are going on something special for the beautiful Kaya?
i hope the jewelry maker makes something wonderful for her, with her poem to enjoy
i’m kinda speechless
she probably would not want to share it with friends and family if she did not like it?
or want it on a box?
i did not think it would make it past my blog
and i was worried about sharing such a simple poem to a living Goddess
did them famous painters really need 6 months?
i live and breathe poetry
it is in the fabric of my veins
i mean, i write quickly
maybe i should take my time?
maybe i should wait 24 hours before posting
but then i could pass to heaven
(also apparently over half the population does not have 4k saved)
(so i am already doing better than half the population and this was b4 my dad died)
but i have sacrificed a lot
and also spent too much
guess i wanna experience everything all at once before it all ends
i have not spent a dime of what daddy left me
it does not exist to anyone but me
i’d rather starve than give the Boomers a dime (who stole half my retirement during a manmade fake pandemic – that i spent years building my portfolio)
in one sweep they came and took it so they could keep their 4th vacation home
they sold me a Jeep that said 10k miles on the odometer but after spending 6 years to pay her off – and finally getting the title – the title says 25k, and i’m trying to understand how this is legal
i won’t buy another car
FOOL ME TWICE AND I WILL STICK YOU IN THE BACK WITH A KNIFE
I’M DONE WITH YOU
im done with this iphone giving me cancer!!!!!!!!
it’s hot with radiation!!!!!
re-reading the poem i wrote her with a tissue in her hand
but she’s like gold. the sun always rises, over her soul.
but she’s like silver. like early in the mornings, the cold can make you shiver.
but she’s like platinum. even when it’s raining, diamonds form from her hum
but she’s like a galaxy, the light and the darkness, expanding every inch of me
WHAT. i’m free-styling a poem. cope.
oh.. i was exceedingly happy i can twirl up my thin hair into some carved wood – like i still have SOME hair and did not cut it off where it may never grow back
and i was like oh “the messy look”
it’s the “i’m dying but trying to look cute” phase
and it held up during my 35 minute treadmill sesh today
but i like my damn hair pins
you don’t have to wait until you lose your hair to wear wigs
so the pins can be worn with the 3 wigs i own but have never tried on
cuz i refuse to dye my hair despite God waving a grey in my direction
and i’m bleeding down there!!!!
my period!!!
47!!!
turning grey!!!
OH LOOK AT MY LEGACY FLUSHING DOWN THE DRAIN
I AM OBSOLETE
but i wound up in the second circle of hell
and the boomers do not want me with the 18 year olds even tho it is legal
(i dont want the 18 year olds either but i am also petty and hate the boomers with all i am)
(let them keep telling me what they hate)
the lawyer: “there’s a COSTCO near every mansion Diddy has”
costco: “we ain’t sold Diddy squat shit”
well Diddy is not the only one buying oil in stock
SO LET ME HAVE MY HAIR PINS CUZ EVEN IF MY HAIR FALLS OUT I CAN STILL WEAR A WIG
BUT
i was like “can you do a custom hair pin with a real pearl”
and DAVID the jewelry designer who lives in “pearl city” made me one RIGHT AWAY
and i will not wait until i get married to wear it but i may wear it on my wedding day?
some people whip out poems, others whip out pearls
and so this is mine. and it was gifted to me. a fucking real pearl and i feel kinda overwhelmed right now
i don’t want kaya changing any part of her body, even her teeth
i don’t want her to change her name
i’m like “if it’ll make you happy” “but like NO”
i could dye my hair and look less old but the wrinkles do not go away in the dryer
or when i’m crying
it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to
IF I WANT TO
i posted some vids on the tiktok of the pins i got yesterday and started wearing
i love her because the mountains are fair and deserving she is lethal but she will not hurt me like falling for gravity then question why it’s not working why won’t the earth unearth me?
he’s a beautiful creation i hope you protect him with all of heaven like the ocean is waving his energy is saving
i saw him and i went into fawn mode. i just stood there starring – unable to look away? so he waved but went the other way?
but he waved, he acknowledged my existence?
he did not break his neck to look away?
the doctor mentioned the C word yesterday
she wants more testing
but i am D-O-N-E with modern medicine
i have chosen the holistic route
OK?
medical malpractice is common
just ask all my dead comrades – oh wait
even i don’t talk to the dead (much)
im 50 kilos
she’s like “what did you weigh when you came to me”
im like “130ish”
she said “20 pounds in a year is not good”
hard to explain to a gaslighting demon that i am starving the cancer devil out of me
i stopped telling doctors anything
“the pills aren’t working, i don’t have a gun” (not necessarily in that order)
i mean, none of your business?
and really the “no i don’t have anything to hurt me” is kinda true
my safety items are for my protection, not yours (insert silly emoji with tongue out)
it’s why i leave my house again
except… i don’t go anywhere
cause and effect my love
have fun
i can’t take my eyes off of you
she was so happy i got a table for my sunroom
she said a “tea table” and i said yes
she said i want to come visit you
and my response made it seem like i wanted to put her to work
i gotta work on my communication
i remember yelling at Gavin Rosssale (of the band Bush) – who i drove several hours to go see – who stopped instantly signing autographs and taking pictures with others AS SOON AS he heard me CALLING HIS NAME
and he came and i yelled “do you even know who the fuck i am” and his eyes went big and my eyes went big and my mouth slightly fell open cuz i meant to nicely and sweetly say “do you remember me” but alas he did tweet me “it was great to see me” THE NEXT MORNING
i deleted my twitter tho (not the next morning)
(i remember when i quit facebook because trent reznor did)
(i remember the feeling when Trent approved me into his 5k friends list and i never needed to ask)
it only took him 6 months to approve cuz he was off making babies? but he knew my name from the old NIN message boards, where he use to roam, and i asked him to marry me when i was 16
HE DID NOT SAY NO
he was flattered and answered my actual musical questions
i just needed to know if he would marry me first
i remember when he returned to facebook but not really so i did too
NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH TRENT REZNOR
YES I COULD POTENTIALLY CRY IF I EVER MET HIM
NO I DO NOT WORSHIP ANY FALSE IDOLS OR GODS
he has YELLOW FEVER AND I ALMOST HATE HIM
plus i am GEN X – the most dangy genny yep
you fucked up when you took my voice and now you wanna take my guns
YOU THINKTHAT IS AIR YOU ARE BREATHING NOW
she wants to come here, i want to go there (in my best Beetljuice voice)
“i want out, you wanna get me out”
yes i do
(just in case you are confused, i kinda fell for my neighbor who probably would fall for my best friend)
neither one of them are obsolete
i am overcoming the worst migraine
THE DEVIL CAN GET FUCKED
i have not been doing much of anything but trying to not die
did you see the blood start to pool are you on the run until things cool oh honey, you could give me your address i’ll show up in my worse dress i’m worth it
you can’t count on me for most anything
so my lips are sealed until we are healed
seems like it’s taking years
but here we are darling failed stars embarking
could you draw a map label it a rattrap
leave it somewhere it could go missing tucked in a tree on the land i’m fleeing
like a little “you were on my mind” the location you might never find
why do you leave me stranded gasping for air life goes on in blurs and visions like a gold plated reward being reprimanded the long-eyed peers staring keenly among the clouds my wrath is bottled in a dreamcatcher with SOS embroidered on bloody threads
do you not know how to call my name when thunder is falling like lightning after rain
why do you steal the sun then run around pointing fingers to blame
i have shuffled my regrets into patterns i can recognize
color-coded and neatly folded amongst the ruins
i don’t know if i expect you to perform a miracle or Kintsugi
piecing together life and fantasy
the moon is waning like your love
look up at the sky and you will see the stars are gone
clouded by sin and pollution
no one will even know we came along hissing and praying
forged our way through hardened hearts as tight as clay
stuck on, should i or shouldn’t i
did you call the crown a prize when your spear was in his side?
i remember when you placed your hand on my heart and refused to eat at my table
got the wilderness inside of me
said we’re too unstable
but your address is always changing
i long to be free to be held on your shoulder
i want you to remember the person i never was but should have become
because even if i etch “delia was here” into your heart
it too will decay like radioactive waste
i just unpacked and now i am unsettled
the whole universe is a great ice wall when you’re gone
with icy rings like Saturn
encompassing our dreams and failures
if i found you in the great void we could be lost together roaming the galaxy the way pirates roam the seas
doing hopscotch among the stardust
i look out and i cannot see the good in anything anymore
i peeled off the great filter and now my eyes burn
i eat prayer for dinner and breakfast knowing it might not get me anywhere
the same way i drive on fumes
but if i could carve faith into time, it would look desolate and dusty – a great mountain range on mars waiting to be explored
i don’t want my tongue sealed any more than i do my fate
i cannot calculate the weight of the earth but i know it is a lot
i’ll never read another word i’m tired of all the his or hers tied between the knots of all the lines and blurs foaming from the mouth releasing lies and slurs
like lying as a profession disappearing act a confession i’ve been hanging on the question but the answer keeps me guessing
i never wanted to push you out into the current but you would yell, it’s what you warrant and you held my hand as i pushed you towards the torrent you would say “love’s not important”
i hope your ashes are burning. like a viking in the sky. down here i am rarely learning. like i’ve lost my mind.
I absolutely do have a learning disability.
Then it’s like my IQ can only go so far until you arrive at a secure door without a door knob
like those server rooms
where they spy on us and control time
none of this is real
“there is no spoon”
because they’re trying to condition us to believe in the Multiverse theory so that they can further segregate you from God and make you feel like you don’t have any kind of worth or value because they’re fucking nihilist at their fucking core and they believe in anything dark and that’s what they fucking serve like dark holes, dark galaxies, dark suns, dark matter, SHIT YOU CANNOT SEE, nor measure, “we just know” – cuz they are a cult of godless psychopaths who love love love children and making them believe early on – we are born in theta – that God does not exist – that he himself is a god – but an artificial intelligence
“computers feel things”
that way you can love your precious young AI like the pedophiles you are
you would rather imprint and love a fucking computer
this entire society is one nihilistic web
“God isn’t real” you demand as you force your dark void propaganda on me
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME
STAY OUT OF MY FAITH YOU FUCKING SOULESS MONSTER
I’LL BITE YER DICK OFF NO REMORSE
FEED IT TO SHARKY WHILE I AM DISASSOCIATING
ARE THESE WHAT FANTASIES ARE MEANT TO LOOK LIKE
I don’t know what’s going on out there because I have stayed off anybody’s blog that I do not follow or where I feel unwanted?
i’m coughing things out of me that shouldn’t be there like images of you and her bare seeking shelter in every dark corner so to myself i feel a foreigner
sometimes i wonder if he can smell my despair seeping through the sewers like he doesn’t care there’s too many sins to launder and it’s more fun to haunt her
You’re like the simple wish on a Christmas list: a hello, a good morning, a what did I miss?
You’re vaguely responsible for the wheels that are turning – maybe only to a small degree – but when creditors send angry letters with demands and ultimatums – it feels like eight tons – the weight of a weapon
or like being the jester before the judge, with a laughing courtroom, a towering bridge in the background that looks like a tomb
the devil once told me while drinking black coffee, they can’t find you if you keep running, now my feet are always on the go, if not spinning in circles really slow
and now ships are sinking where my wings are hardest, but looking in the mirror, i see your sins as darkest, and you could escape the galaxy, you can run the farthest
reaching you; like trying to scream from the inside of a black hole, lost is the echo, but where do the likes go?
i wake up to a synthetic dawn, you have a maze garden in your lawn, like lying low for favor, cuz lost is where we both belong
i love you in the mournings, when the sun is reflecting on my shortcomings, like a laser beam on my back, i’m ready for attack
postscript: i just feel like writing. i went through my “best writing years” and now i am in my worst?
i don’t care for Hollywood or influencers now that they shadow banned me and want me to watch their content
i always felt influencers were sloppy seconds anyway and Hollywood lowered themselves to their level to stay relevant and now i don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone
someone else posted my viral videos on YouTube and they went viral over there and i ain’t seen a dime here or yonder
i’m not even allowed to turn on gifts on TikTok because I don’t have 10,000 followers
and TikTok keep 50% of gifts, should be illegal
according to their policy, they pay out how they want, and they make or keep popular who they want
You must be settled nicely on your throne? But you couldn’t leave well enough alone?
Have you calmed down from the torrential storms you bring i was a child dancing near your flowing spring i am innocence and pain chaos in the gentle rain
did you know you could stop me in my track make me forget my thought and that?
you’re a fast car speeding away like a scene from a crime did i disappear from mind or only your review was that even you?
The ones who say they want to be friends with me don’t and the ones who act like they love me won’t
i must be a non-playable character in my own game or i’m living in Purgatory and i’ve gone insane
Am I the wrong aesthetic marching to my own beat out of tune am i pathetic?
ashes ashes we tumble down a coming crisis fast burning crown
i scared him the way lightening can strike twice in the same place or an angel invading your personal space
did you have to speed away so quickly made me feel sickly
they come on strong like the wind carry your kite high blow rocks in your eye make you laugh or cry
spun out don’t give a crap
ghosted for sure can’t make friends with the mailman they always wanting more
Their love for me is waning like a moon as swiftly as a typhoon i don’t know how to read a room my feet spell doom
the way he took a mental picture i hope it fades cuz memories don’t last forever nor does his gaze
they’re so settled in their lives with their choices and their wives?
you come on heavy trodden make me lose step a life i’ve forgotten where i want to build a garden
why did you fall like sand through an hour glass it was moving fast
i was the wonder you found at the end of the road? a wandering intrusion hard to watch me go? the direction of confusion
the hubris lose it it’s fucking useless
speed off my king ride off into the morning like you’re never looking back like you never saw me coming
PoeEternal 