(cuz absolutely would propose or ask if anyone was available in the unit)
(if he responds “i am married” then that does not mean “no” but that he would have taken me to coffee and the courthouse asap to make things official and whatnot…
i love you more than all the heavens combined we move like the wind but hell won’t change my mind like crossing roads we’re entwined? entanglement? weren’t you heaven sent?
does he hold me hostage in his mind? is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream? he has touched me in places i have never seen majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs he turns my low to highs
the devil lives three doors down i got his number unholy ghost in town and i still can’t slumber
is that you shining light in my path
just a crush? you spin the earth like heaven i can feel the rush but time ain’t changing near you my cheeks turn rosy got a royal flush?
you must be the warmest place in the solar system you must be a taste of the life i am missing i walk around a zombie hissing but in my dreams we’re kissing
we’re seven inches from heaven but crawling closer to meaningless which way to go then which door to open but leave it on floor all your hope when you walk in i wonder why we haven’t spoken walk around the boat when it’s clearly overflowing but i won’t stick around to watch you jumping
i know you’re there i can feel your shadow watching i’m always awake my finger is a kill switch my divine purpose maybe i’m not a soldier yet until i get my finger wet wrapped around your dying neck i don’t give a heck
Memento mori Placed on shelf A little worry For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident? A personal present? For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical But still you reach out like fading galaxies Or maybe you just want to collide into me Yet always demanding the direction I take While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
Oh thanks for that. I’d be so grateful if I knew how to edit/fix my blog. Without having to spend $500 minimum to start over with a new blog.
But I’m glad you’re still here.
Sometimes I feel I lost my touch, that I won’t get back what I had before.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose.
And how Bruce Willis (an actor if you don’t know) “recognized his entire family today” because we can’t take our memories with us when we die.
And I’m fighting so hard to hang on to a life that in two year, perhaps, I won’t remember the war I fought in.
I won’t remember we’re in a 6th mass extinction – and white people are being systematically exterminated.
I’m in the center of society watching its own extinction.
I woke up crying bleeding between my legs and poetry piling on the tongue.
And this little poem was born.
They say focus on what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).
Writing makes me happy. Or content.
Even if the context is more volcanic.
I quit therapy. Maybe I’ll discuss in another thread.
Maybe I should pay the happiness engineers $500 to have AI build me a website but didn’t we once buy software for $50 to do that? Furthermore, they want a business plan to run it???
Cuz simply upgrading to “no ads” and “use my own domain” so my readers can visit worryfree isn’t enough, on the personal plan I can’t hire WordPress to use AI to create me a website nor am I allowed to “chat support”. That’s a different paid plan. 👎👎
They can’t even fix my current issue and I sent screenshots.
They absolutely could fix it, with the flip of a switch.
Like breathing to them.
THEY’RE GONNA BURN IN HELL.
Went through everything I owned. Took inventory. Still have stuff sprawled out. Need organizers and hangers. And some other minor things.
But now I get to fixate on something else now.
The closet is full. As planned.
And the pantry, fridge, and freezer.
I’m quarantining for a long while – no family get together for me this season. I have offered to mail out cards tho.
Postscript: I broke down and renewed my medical card. Instant approval. Ordered my goods online, they called immediately letting me know my script was expired. I have an appointment in the morning with the good doc and she said, “okay, will go ahead and fill it”
Haven’t smoked since May and come tomorrow I’m gonna be on the moon.
They had cartridges for $18. *sigh*
I thought it would takes weeks or more before I could smoke again.
Nope. Less than 24 hours. 🎃
Maybe I’ll start writing again and going to the beach.
I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.
I hate how I treated you.
Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.
I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.
They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.
People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.
It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.
Helps.
You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.
Would you write my obituary? And lay to rest all the sins I carry? For to sadness I am married And our love it should be buried
They come They go It’s my fault though Status too low Weep like willow
You’re always on the run Never stop running You’re never having fun Complain the sun is sunning
I’ve never had anything, and now I’ve got too much. And I could lose it anytime, that’s always been my luck.
I’m sorry but I’m not I said what I thought Feelings come and go Sometimes I take a shot No matter lesson told I say it on the spot You know I can be cold
People already think so lowly of me, I can’t get anymore low.
But it’s easy to judge when your grass is always green.
I’ve been on this earth unmarried for eons, it’s literally hell.
I like being naughty sometimes but I never was that naughty.
We’re literally born nude and we can’t take our clothing to heaven.
I miss doing spicy photography.
I don’t know what to tell you
I just wish I was already moved.
But I’m holding out for land instead of spending uppers of $6k to jump apartment’s.
I am overdue a new environment.
It’s hard to be inspired and motivated in a place I can’t stand.
I’ve only ever posted nude photos, never compromised myself by doing anything other than photography. Though many requests came in with $$$ offerings and I ran folks off.
I have some very cute outfits and have been working out despite growing old.
95% of my household items are gone. Either sold, donated or dumped.
Things are in boxes minus my closet.
I still sleep on the floor.
So think what you will of me, but I miss my tribe.
My accounts were active and I had a lot of traffic.
Now everything is stagnant.
I’m tired of stagnation.
I don’t see anything wrong with nude art.
It teaches me how to be a woman, something man has failed at doing.
But they gave me my username back, and that makes me feel better. 😘
I’m terrible with secrets.
I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I don’t want to be here.
I’m barely holding on in breath or words The spaces where we fell I’m never sure Apologies are song in flight that carry with the birds And longing comes on full moon where the clouds they will obscure
Like all of the dirt was swept under the rug And tongue twisted lies were a shadow of smug For the pressure of meaning was soft like a quilt But the weight of the wrong was as heavy as guilt
And we speak in code like our lives are a riddle But the circle of destiny is not in the middle And try as we might the cross has been hung But only regret can measure our tongue
Please pick up a feather and write me a letter Please open your eyes and bring us sunrise Please do right a wrong and don’t take very long Please deliver fall and give me a call
So this guy turned 12 on Saturday. Mostly a good boy. He hates the neighborhood and I don’t blame him one bit. There’s nothing to like. We wanna move. He’s trying to make it to 13. And despite the ups and downs, I didn’t give up on him. Tribulations.
I contacted my mom on my birthday. She was happy to hear from me. She said she loved me but I never said it back.
Just wanted her to know I made it to 45.
She also kept bringing up my sister who died and I also never responded about her.
She wants to see me so I might be getting a visitor this year.
Maybe.
P.S. I’m obsessed with Pinko blazers and clothing and getting a new wardrobe. Never wore a blazer in my life and now I got a weeks worth. Even got a Beetlejuice looking one. Cuz.
I may or may not share my new wardrobe at some point. Doing it for me and no one else. Not dressing for views. But it kills the blues (shopping).
People want me posting more but it’s so much work and I can’t break 300 views.
I think I’m just exhausted in all areas of life and would rather sit outside. It’s hard for me to connect.
I’m literally dead inside.
No empathy, no sympathy.
Pissed off at the world.
Just talk to God mostly. Cry. Pray. Regret. And then practice gratitude.
I am grateful for my closet.
For owning clothing I wanna wear.
But I don’t wanna go anywhere.
Time to just be dressy cuz.
“What’s the occasion?”
“We’re in hell and I’m alive….”
Can’t take nothing with me to heaven.
Would be 10x happier if I moved somewhere the mold wasn’t killing me.
So I got my little stand put together and my TV set up to be spied on. I’m still awaiting my PS5 impatiently.
I want a big stretch out lay down bean bag. Not a couch. Something like this.
Apparently people have a couch AND these.
I want the dessert first tho.
Wanna stretch out on a giant cushion to watch a movie or play a game.
Also, I’m sick of all the narcissism in society.
I don’t believe Hawaii burning was an accident.
We are under attack, one malicious attempt after another.
You voted for this.
I no longer think voting right will accomplish anything.
Gen X are the only ones capable of fixing this mess, and we’re tired.
We’ve been ghosted from society and trashed on by every demon in the world.
Millennials are still sucking on their mothers tit, Gen Z don’t know which sex they are, Boomers are responsible for the end of society.
I do not “love thy neighbor” in any capacity or form.
All I see are demons.
The immigrants do not have our best interest, they do have our best jobs.
Yellow fever is a condition in which man is cursed.
They are under a spell they don’t want broken.
Porn activates the primal side of the brain. They get off on killing. They get off on ruining good people. Over 51% want love with a prostitute. It’s been made legal in Nevada. More murder will happen.
In college, I learned subliminal messaging was used at the grocery stores (should be illegal).
Imagine what they are putting into porn.
“We don’t know why he would do such a thing”.
STOP LYING
PORN has ruined mankind.
I’m learning to set boundaries and ghost people too.
Nothing is as before The sun ain’t yellow The way people plead And bust down every door But they don’t bleed When they bellow They just unravel And yell at me Offer poisoned apple That I don’t need Still I’m under cover Collecting seed
P.S. I finally stopped losing weight and gained weight and am now 120 pounds (still size small)
Women look at me with contempt often. I guess they need someone to blame. I had a basketful of treats and doughnuts 🍩 while ordering a footlong sub at Publix and could feel their eyes burning me. I tell no lies. They were not happy with me at all. Or were projecting their own unhappiness. Either way, I’m still fitness rebounding and plan to include skating before I die (hopefully not soon). Have been going on more walks with my dog too. Don’t let them lie to you and say “10,000 steps don’t count”. My motto when rebounding for a minimum of 10 minutes is “every step counts”. Cuz even if you can only take one, eventually it will be 3 and 5. So keep going, keep moving. Spiral out. 🌀
I’m upgrading my rebounder soon.
Still waiting on the ps5 notification of “ready for pickup”.
Cake is in the future, but right now it’s candy bars, doughnuts, brownie bits, and muffins. Don’t judge me.
Cuz there were 5 staring me down while ordering food.
Like chill yo. I’m famished and dreaming of sweet treats.
I don’t want it to be my downfall cuz junk food is junk food.
It’s terrible for me. I’m gonna learn to make my own sweet treats to satisfy the cravings.
Anyhoo
P.S.S. Me and him (him and I) are so in sync, that I managed to order the exact tv stand as him, same color.
I even made a second trip to Walmart to find a stand, which they didn’t have one for my size. So reluctantly got back on Amazon and did a search and read through many reviews and fought with myself on color, and slept on it, then ordered.
Sent him a text of what I got (cuz) and he responded with a picture of his entertainment area. Same fucking one.
SAME ONE
He also ordered some shit that I got mad at him about but once it arrived said he was gonna return it (so glad)
He imprinted on me in my twenties and I had a dream about him as a child.
He’s a nihilist and most days I hold him in contempt
But I ain’t returning my TV stand just cuz it happens to be the same as his.
Maybe the algorithm is to blame.
AI is always watching
If we discuss a name via text message, TikTok will show me loads of content of shit I don’t wanna see
And I yell at him for it
We had not discussed tv stands tho
I just like to show him things I buy
And yell at him for things he buys
(Like random hotel rooms by “accident”)
“I didn’t realize I reserved a room” kind of shit
Or buying flags of another country cuz he’s a traitor with yellow fever but pretends he don’t know what I mean…
I’m a fucking oracle
I know everything but in fractal formation so nothing at all
AI did not decide on the TV stand I wanted
I even drove places hunting one down
The one I decided on came in many colors, but somehow I got THE EXACT one as his.
He’s probably my twin flame
Something weird is going on….
Tis all
I also ordered this bat wing purse thing and wallet – cuz I’m gothed out in pink these days (and my obsession was before the Barbie propaganda bullshit). I probably will stop spending money soon. I have nearly everything I need.
TikTok made me buy it. Check out Wicked Misfit for cool accessories. This is my 2nd purchase from them. Recommend.
Except a playstation membership and headset for social hours.
*sigh*
Anyone wanna gift me? 🤪
P.S.S. setting up the modem soon. Gonna be utilizing the living room again. Eating at the dinner table now instead of my bed. Adding more routine to my routine.
People miss me going live too, and now that I’m regaining weight instead of losing, I kinda wanna…
Dr. Peterson says you need routine – and there’s only so much cleaning and cooking I can do.
And my life is still disorganized after letting 95% of my belongings go
Did you build me a house on sand? Did you kill all the ferns? Left clouds for me to stand? My poetry did you burn? Did you post a sign where I am banned? Are we waiting to take turns? Are you flying a spaceship that is unmanned? Do you think your hand’s too stern?
I miss the stars Rotating Around your love And do you ever think of me Far above? When silence is howling And there’s not enough? Do you call my bluff? Have thoughts to discuss? Or am I just a memory For your hate to engulf Do you regret giving up?
Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6 And your enemy won’t let you forget You remember this? You remember that? The enemies on my throne He’s wearing my damn hat!
You can’t unbreak the broken Take back words spoken The spell in your eyes The holes that you hide
They were bred to kill and steal I’m behind the wheel Driving full speed And it ain’t you’re automobile
Bred to kill and steal Like they made the Devil’s deal I will send you back to hell That’s the real ordeal
When one door closes Nail a board over it Plant some roses Don’t submit
The fury inside me Hot as the sun The fury inside me Someone’s gonna burn
You can’t escape from prison Until you realize you’re in one Like the Devil’s maze Calling shotgun
Remove yourself Put your tail between your legs And get some help Support withheld Look in mirror and do foretell We’re parallel The way your lies do spin You’re a carousel
I’m gone Fucking replace me Won’t let you face me I’m racing Dust in cloud I’m hasty Like laced lace Revenge is tasty
Too cold to care Fuck me with I dare You build despair And I linger there
Sometimes I think I’m talking to a ghost And he’s dropping breadcrumbs Like he’s the one that I love most But I’m still hungry…
Regret will eat you alive Nightmares become visions you wear
We are going forward in reverse Like the truth makes it hard for the knowing Or where we’re actually going Like living in a hearse The spell is his verse And try to break this curse It’s poison that we’re sowing
My parents ruined my life They only sought to bring me strife Smile at me then stab me in my back Complain it’s God I lack
Say I’m full of darkness Laugh at me regardless I wish my parents were dead I’d piss on their grave instead
Already being trolled by a Boomer cuz my student loans were forgiven that he thinks I should pay so he can enjoy his retirement at GEN X expense
College was a scam met with government furloughs and hiring freezes
Government programs favor giving our best jobs to the immigrants cuz they work harder and are smarter (according to their accord)
I’m aware only X amount of people will qualify for student loan forgiveness
And I should keep secrets to myself
But a reporter know-it-all on TikTok said you’d get an email from the Department of Education if you qualified.
I haven’t received any emails at all
I’m not even certain if I paid anything on my loans or just kept them in good standing
Cuz I’ll get it paid back if I did and will need to pay taxes on it again, like I won the damn lottery – and it would probably put me in a different tax bracket
I’ll worry about that toilet clogging when it clogs
I’ve only just received two letters informing me that my debts were cancelled and that my obligation to pay them is over. Tell the Boomers to deal with it.
My loan providers are no longer allowed to contact me, according to the letters.
The weight is off my shoulders but the worry lines remain…
I’ve been in fight or flight mode so long now I don’t know how to shut it off and just be.
My birthday is next month, on the 19th
I’ve already spoiled myself
I have goals of paying off my 2 credit cards and buying some land not land locked and far far away from a city of despair and demons
I want it to take 15 minutes to walk to my mailbox times two squared
I need an umbrella, not for the rain but for the sun
People will look at me like I’m crazy
Byeee
My student loans were forgiven despite the Boomers wishes…
He’s the color of rufous An absolute doofus He’s the color of sky With black in his eye
Wish we were exclusive Instead of reclusive Like dreaming is lucid He’s the color of life
21 inch porthole Thick socks for the cold The vessel did implode I guess it didn’t hold
They got crushed Their vessel was rushed Now they’re all just dust
Victories not just The dangers were discussed Labeled with mistrust
He never told me how much he loved me Hot sun above me Make me swoon Left me for doom
There’s something in the water I won’t barter The coverup is worse than the crime We’ve all lost our mind
Only the beginning Can’t tell whose winning The cold is chilling Earth is spinning Sun is not forgiving
The rich are the cheapest people Definitely not my equal
SOS only And I’m so lonely My home ain’t homely
My shadow leaves me when it’s dark When I’m shattered into pieces And I feel I have no heart
My breath it nearly ceases A landscape growing stark
I’m running out of patience I’m afraid I’ll miss my mark There’s very few releases
Immured in bitterness It makes no difference I’m dull, won’t take a risk Skipping deaths kiss
The sun comes and goes The ebb and the flows Midnight lows The oh’s and the throes He could heal my soul Or let it decompose In the meadows With the crows
Got the hexes on my exes Nothing here perplexes They’re reckless My math is only guesses
I want to be her The girl he swoons for The one he adores I want her blood on the floor I want to see her die Wouldn’t find a tear in my eye But I’m an amateur
It’s hot and humid I hate his hubris Thinks we’re all clueless Will betray like Judas
I don’t know what’s going on, says the captain Knowledge lacking Inside the cabin
Right is forward and left is back Experts they lack Inside a tiny shack
The question makes his blood run cold He’s the Devil you know
If they’re not already dead they will be That’s what the sources tell me And I have a feeling that is sinking With that submarine
Photo doesn’t belong to me but neither does my hard-earned money.
And I’m finding my most viral videos uploaded on YouTube without my permission, without any payment, without any request of use, without any way to message or contact those using my work, without having downloads turned on for anyone to use at will.
I film a particular way – when I’m shooting the sea, or whatever I’m filming.
It’s all a fucking shitshow and I need 100k followers or something to turn ‘tips’ on.
Recently someone wanted to send me $200 – but they also have invited me to ‘live free’ at one of their condos they own.
Nothing about my life sounds safe or too good to be true.
Furthermore, I had to delete my PayPal, Cash App, and Venmo accounts due to spam and whatnot cuz not even my money is safe.
Banks are shutting down. Billionaires are being offed or are maniacally suicidal risk takers, at the expense of our tax dollars.
I’m not even certain if the IRS is legal.
And the Lie House is funneling our money to criminals in the Ukraine and God knows where else.
I finally put a work order in to service the AC for mold.
Cuz maintenance is always “I don’t smell any mold” but I’m fucking still breaking out in hives, either from a nervous fucking breakdown or actual moldy conditions not noticeable “it’s in the walls” reviews will say…
And I haven’t smoked any weed since May – so I’m past the two week window but it takes a minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD (Cannabis User Disorder) and I still have brain fog.
I’m doing a lot of cleaning tho – and I actually do my laundry and put it away immediately, a slight miracle to not be sleeping next to clean clothes.
I still have no furniture and sleep on the floor and I made another clothing purchase – albeit I slept on the decision first – like I nearly always do.
And even tho the flash code of 25% had already ended, it was still valid further sealing the deal.
I’m obsessed with Dolls Kill boutique and hunt down the cotton stuff, though have bought a few cute sets that were poly blends.
I also got house thangs and shoes which I’ll likely never wear and will stay in the box…
I’m pushing myself to go skating despite the hives and nervous breakdowns.
I bought bath rugs and kitchen oven mits from DK – cuz obsessed
And sales + discount codes on top of sales
You should see the jogger set’s I’ve scored and maybe one day you will
I think I’m looking less hideous than my recent TikTok posts but at least I’m not lying on the bottom of the seafloor in pieces.
So there’s that.
It feels nice getting things in the mail other than spam and bills.
I can’t opt out of the spam and the US post office is selling our data, just like I learned Papa John’s was doing – so I deleted my account (like 2 or 3 years ago) and basically stopped supporting big business.
I should be allowed to order pizza without my data being sold.
I hate (even worse) how society is ran now.
All the pencil dick dictator leaders brownnosing Big China – who wants to nuke us and have us live in fear 24/7
I had another nightmare last night, this time trying to escape zombies.
I’ve not been watching any horror movies or zombie things.
My nightmares always consist of me trying to escape something and finding myself in a closure I cannot escape.
Whether it be a room with no windows or doors, or something else. It’s always the climax I wake up on.
Have to reassure myself, “pew, it was only a dream”
I was consistently going down – hills – roads – grass – indoor walkways at incredible speeds all while trying to avoid the numerous zombies coming after me.
My dreams are always fucking nightmares…
It doesn’t help that the Devil is always after me when I’m awake
I hope I leave the house for something other than food or doctors visits of medical malpractice
Maybe to do something within the community like church or skating
But then I risk the chance of catching Covid or some other disease being spread with malicious intent and purpose
People are always coughing
I literally roll up my car window when I hear a bystander or another rider coughing
My immune system was compromised
I just wanna be home
But this don’t feel like home
It feels like a deathtrap
Just like the unsinkable Titan
TITANic
I take a shit ton of vitamins like immunity support supplements that I have to order from a different country cuz everything is poisoned here
I’m trying to fix my eating habits
And I’m still obsessed with his stories
Which are probably responsible for my nightmares
(I blame war FYI)
My laundry is almost done and I’m craving a shopping dopamine boost
“We have everything we need bb”
“I know but I really want it”
“Okay but this is the last time”
“I’m almost done getting the things I need and at least I’m spending less”
“We get paid soon again”
*sigh*
“Okay but just one more thing…”
I got rid of everything in my life cuz I hated it and told myself we could replace it with things we want/need
I’m in replacement mode but refuse to buy a bed or furniture until I move
The neighbors make me wanna do bad things
The city drives me insane
The entire earth could be Eden but naw, invasive species left and right
“This country was founded on immigration” and they vote with malicious intent and purpose
I may like your stories but I know you voted for Biden and I want to punch you
I’m still homicidal and suicidal but I’m no longer signing waivers
They’re starting to find debris from the unsinkable Titan…
I don’t think a teenager is capable of mitigating the risk involved.
This comment is terrible but why did I laugh? Like damn….
People absolutely hate billionaires. The comments unfolding…
It’s safe to say, they’re no longer suffering.
I haven’t slept in days so probably some spelling mishaps.
I’ve slept a little that were filled with tossing and nightmares.
Grateful to still be fighting for my life. Having shoppers guilt and I don’t understand why.
Mostly think “what’s the point, will I even live long enough to enjoy it”
Followed by “my sister died at 45, buy the stuff”
Followed by “we could be dead tomorrow so what’s the point”
Followed by “I really want it”
Followed by “I know”
Why am I having buyers guilt? Not remorse? Cuz I do not regret anything in my closet.
I mostly regret being sick and dying…
I told myself I’ll stop shopping eventually
LIKE WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO
I’m not even doing it for views…
It’s the first time I’ve ever owned clothing I actually like
I’m no longer spending hundreds of dollars monthly on medicinal that made me worse
And I know I need to move but it ain’t happening overnight
Long ago I could pack up and drive around, look at a few places, and get a key
It’s no longer that easy or affordable
I’ll likely be just as miserable and my AC is probably full of mold
Putting a work order in…
Rent increase in August but it’s still 3 or 4 times cheaper than a 1 bedroom elsewhere
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t
And I did get new carpet here
I’m just gonna keep fixing it up
Until I have land + a tent
But there’s cracks in the ceiling
CRACKS IN THE CEILING
I fear sinkholes
Also Florida is in hurricane season nearly again
I’ve lived through THREE hurricanes here
2 of them I lost power over a week…
In the summer heat…
I’m sure that’s excellent for moldy conditions
And Wolfy hasn’t shown her face since I screamed bloody murder twice
She probably wanted me to feed her like I do the other house spider
I have terrible arachnophobia
I’m pretty much scared of everything
I think she’s gonna have babies and need to relocate the sack
But she’s guarding it
This isn’t going as planned and I keep feeding her
I’m turning into a witch and Halloween commences August 31st this year – hopefully still alive to wear my cute Halloween themed outfits (throughout XMAS)
Clothing gives me a reason to live
Do other people feel guilty spending money on things they want and need?
I did say I wanted to start over and got rid of 95% of my belongings which I hated and brought me zero joy
It sucks because I have zero family or friends to confide in
I have to be my own best friend and say “baby girl buy it”
And then I thank myself and God and God and God when I do…
Cuz I’m grateful but ain’t allowed to let my neighbors know…
I am absolutely invested emotionally in this lost submarine
So poetry…
All the money in the world won’t save them And there’s banging from the deep, there’s mayhem All the prayers for them now, feel like a sunken gem Who do we fault, who do we condemn?
“It has one button, that’s it” Says the narcissist
5 are dead or dying While some are crying Other’s are denying Trouble underlying
Remote Like our love A breach in hull Shipwrecked is soul
Crushed is hope But do you know the scope An uncertified submarine Nightmare or dream?
Dark waters turn crimson But no one will listen When you hear the cries The thunder in the skies The dead have gone missing They were on a mission Straight to extinction Race against affliction
It’s a dead giveaway You’re going to die today
Sorrows sorrows prayers The state of affairs Endless nightmares Electric chairs Tell me someone cares
You need to leave but you’re not free to go The cop combo
Never get on the bad side of a good girl You will see her form Like hail in storm She ain’t lukewarm
I need to focus on the gains And not the mishaps Sometimes I think I’ve gone insane But no one gives a crap
He’s like driving on a floating road And I ain’t going slow
He’s like riding in a truck without breaks That’s the speed it takes
Walking in the underground I’m a ghost and he is the crowd
“Loose lips Sink ships”
It’s unfortunate The people who need help Can’t be helped
It’s always the same color crayon The same con The Devil’s spawn Hanging on my lawn So they get a yawn Wish they’d move on Back to Babylon Where they’re coming from Fucking hate them all
I wish I had no father Why even bother Poison like still water I wish I had more honor
Why does the sun Travel in a straight line Like your lines From pen to mind
He hits on his own reflection He’s gaslighting every direction He says he loves with affection He’s in love with his own perfection
Some need more than one chance To change the circumstance Don’t want the last dance
Michael Leavitt deserves to crawl into a hole he can’t get out of As below, so above
I’m just barely existing Time is ticking Grave persisting Death resisting
I don’t want realistic Fuck sadistic I’m humanistic Ain’t optimistic
I must be dead inside Soul paralyzed Know not to cry
She’s not me Still do I slide into her clothes Like midnight over moon I am all And I am none
I start the trends I rarely follow I live in pretense Hard pills to swallow
Til death do us part We ain’t got the heart Black and full of rot We’re both distraught No grave for plot
I don’t get the physics Or why he never visits Says it ain’t my business Why he acts suspicious
Why are you under my teeth? Beneath my seams? Between my dreams? Light like moonbeams?
Time moves slower in the cold His heart is indigo Take me where blue blood will flow His undertow The place I grow
He steals the sun and turns it into limelight His pen will give me frostbite
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
Demons look like humans Cheaters look like keepers Users look like friends Children look like men Do not attempt To understand
I haven’t been able to sleep and my entire FYP is the lost submarine
I actually hope and pray they are found. It would be nothing short of a miracle. However, they sent two subs down (unmanned presumably) that got crushed at 6000 ish meters
I had a comment get over 1600 likes – and got annoyed with all the notifications – so deleted it
I commented a teenager shouldn’t be on board, many said he was 19
I replied NINETEEN – TEEN
And still – they denied
Had to block – got annoyed
I wish we could mute comment notifications but naw
So delete – it just wouldn’t stop getting likes or comments
I’m an introvert I suppose
Sidenote
Apparently the CEO was in a lot of trouble and he was a good gaslighter and salesman to convince those people to die with him – I don’t think a teenager (yes nineteen is still a teen) should be allowed on an experimental submarine dive 12,500 feet below the sea. It doesn’t matter what fancy title you give them.
That CEO stated over and over that sub was entirely safe, “if this goes… “safe”, if that goes… “safe” but sign this waiver
Look, I signed a waiver getting that motherfucking vaccine and I will never trust another doctor or nurse again – I was asking all the right questions but I was gaslit, gullible, and lied to
And even tho the first vaccine fucked me up, I crawled further in the hole, just like our dear John Jones…
It nearly killed me and I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
I cannot stress this enough, adrenaline spikes to the heart is a no-go
I workout but not to the extreme
I fucking ran through the Dollar 25 tree with 2 gallons of spring water and it was a no no and that was recently
I was in my car going, “it’s okay we’re safe now, I won’t do that again”
So I can run and jog but not with added weights
It’s ridiculous but if you knew how far I’ve crawled – to get better, you might be a tiny bit proud
I’m feeling stronger but can’t do adrenaline spikes at all…
And I’m only 108 pounds
I also have to be careful with extreme temperatures, the hot and cold
I’m like Goldie Locks, need everything just right…
I’m not out of the dark yet and may never be…
The light is so much more powerful than the dark
Also, they stated you wouldn’t be able to hear banging that deep down – something about sound not traveling through the cold
I find that interesting
Isn’t space cold?
I hope God can hear my screams…
I do feel bad about them being stuck at the bottom of the sea
Maybe they didn’t explode
Maybe they made up the banging to keep the search ongoing and the $$$$ flowing
A fast death seemed a little less cruel than suffocating in the dark and cold in a sealed up tuna can
Where you can’t even stand…
Or hyperventilate
With only a sandwich and bottle of water
The one window was plexiglass
A freaking fish tank
You couldn’t pay me a million to get bolted in that tin
I need to get back to my FYP and I feel less guilty about buying clothes now – that’s a much better decision than sinking to the bottom of the sea to explore a graveyard
But I was fucking stupid for getting that 2nd vaccine
I’m learning to forgive myself for a lot of things
I have been dying a slow and painful death
And there are people on my black list
Lucky buying clothes is all I’m planning to do…
LUCKY
Cuz the daydreams are filled with revenge tenfold
I promise when I’m feeling better than dead I will post some of my cute clothing
Mostly dressing comfy for now…
And appreciative I have a floor to sleep on
My sister died of Covid age 45
I don’t want to die…
But everything is actively trying to kill me
The water, the food, the air, it’s all been poisoned
Why does light travel in a straight line? Why does something round move straight? I haz questions.
Free speech below be warned
The way John Jones died keeps me awake at night.
Maybe get some land in Utah. Do a low crawl. Whip out the hacksaw. Call me an outlaw.
I’m still breaking out in hives. I did a 30 day raw ginger detox and hit it TOO hard. I’m not a sweater but first shot broke out in sweats. Kept going tho.
Nearly fell asleep last night until the consequences of John’s action really settled in.
Must be the worst way to go.
He didn’t even wanna be there. Just thought he could show off a little. He was wanting to eat some Turkey. Or maybe dressing.
I’m not gonna be able to rest until somebody pulls him out of that hole.
Recovery mission.
Use a robot, I don’t care!
Get him out of there!
Cuz I don’t learn my lessons well either.
2nd week felt nauseous after every shot and by the third, hives.
Guess I’m preparing myself for the end
I really really don’t want a traumatic ending
My whole life has been a tragedy
So Cracker Barrel has a cancer warning on their website that eating their food will expose you to bad stuff
And when you click on more info, it won’t tell you exactly which foods
This is what happens when other countries rule us and the Great Race war theory is reality
Check the fucking CENSUS
Reports say certain Chinese Americans (how they prefer) identify as “the new white”. They even get common names like John or Michael.
Certain Mexicans also identify as “the new white”
And BLM is up 230%
I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t stay here
Land is cheap near Yellow Stone
Pros: cheap
Cons: near volcano
People have been boiled alive at the acidic hot springs
They are my favorite natural wonder and the one’s I fear the most
Always wanted to visit but have this feeling it would pop
Many scientists and people have died from volcanic eruptions randomly
I would have been driven mad living with demons inside a cave
Who constantly gaslight
I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation but sometimes I feel like I’m still learning a lesson from 6000 years ago
China needs to take a chill pill
Most of us are fairly fed up
Eating raw salad today
Maybe just need to stick to a raw diet forevermore
Fucking sick of dying a slow tormentious!?! death
You ever be drifting off to sleep until something bad makes your eyelids pop wide?
For me, last night, it was JJ.
I need an old typewriter
I probably could just use pen and paper again
Ink sucks these days
I hate AI
I’m always writing from my phone
One little tap at a time
Constantly correcting the algorithm
It likes to not space
It likes to change words on me
I’m basically sick of the narcissism which is a plague
But any article you read will state, “narcissism is rare”
Believe none of what you read and less of what you see
He was suppose to take the one that had claw marks all above
But he probably was dared or gaslit to go in the wrong one
It was 9pm at night
He should have been in bed
His wife re-married 3 years later
I ain’t been married once
Some people have it too easy
China has the most ridiculous dictator’s who are nihilistic and their own policies have made it hard for them to recover as a whole due to the “one child law” and I hope they fall but they are stealing white man’s identity with malicious intent and purpose and American names…
I’m allowed to be angy….
I’m sick of being micromanaged
And poisoned
Got some more rhyme incoming but freestyled this as soon as I opened my eyes
Couldn’t even brush my teeth first – already rhyming
Brain still foggy
When I was 16, I would break out in hives every night because of the stressors
For several months, I had to take Benadryl at bedtime
I was even put in a rehab against my will for a month solid, wasn’t able to communicate with boys, had to do stupid meetings
Escaped the insane asylum so many times they had to re-write the rules every time
Sometimes locked myself in my room and refused to come out, using my body and feet against the walls to stop them from breaking in
Demanded air time (fresh air) cuz I was on suicide watch most of the time, not allowed to go outside, not allowed to shave my legs
Broke out in hives every fucking night there
Left the leader tho…
Eventually I was released
My parents were the only ones to not show for the final week to do therapy
It was clear who the fucking problem was and why I was breaking out in hives
I wasn’t supposed to be there
The same John wasn’t supposed to be in that hole
“There are things that happened down there that will never be disclosed”
Yeah like what though?
I can still remember the name of the boy I sat next to in 2nd grade
We made up a game
We’d draw little maps of roads and the other would hold the pencil while the other held the paper to “drive”
We did this quietly and after assignments were done
And every time the teacher re-arranged where students sat, we were allowed to still sit next to one another
Cuz we both got angry and probably refused to do assignments lol
I went skating a lot back then
And even at 16, had rollerblades and would go street blading for hours
I bought me a brand new pair of skates at Christmas, but still haven’t been 😦
So I really hope I change that soon
I know I have a valid excuse “dying” but damn
One day we won’t be able to do the things we want, even if we wanted
I don’t want that day to sneak up on me
It’s like I’m still stuck in a hole I can’t crawl out
And no one’s coming to save me
We have to save ourselves
But God does listen
And prayers do come true
Sometimes
Within reason
Or it’s just l-u-c-k (labor under controlled knowledge)
But I still believe in God
And I don’t know how I survived my teenage years
The quarries, the 50 foot bridge jumps, the standing in front of trains
How do you do it? Take my mess? And turn it into puzzle? Six foot hole with shovel? Buried deep is trouble? Humming like you’re humble? Dear it’s never subtle?
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
“Made in China” and should stay there Like your feelings, I just don’t care
Kayaking all by your lonesome? Not cuz you’re wholesome?
Those who play by the rules are the mark I’ve got out my chalk Refuse to talk Right hand my glock Born out of wedlock Married to my walk
He thinks she should be paroled Once she is dead
I’ve spent all my life In captivity
Love will never blossom here again Tie the knots And tie the endless twigs But love – It won’t blossom here
Sleep in a cloud of prayer Like running into a server farm Have no idea if I have come to harm? Like sleeping on a prayer With halo in my hair I’m so dumb I will sound the alarm
So I’m just baggage Armed with a camera Can do some damage It’s an advantage
Centenarian Want to live to then
He said it’s safer In the lion’s den Like hate is my neighbor But he ain’t friend
Father, There’s almost nothing left My sister is dead I’m bereft Sick in the head Near out of breath Got money in the bulkhead
Compartments upon compartments Secret dirty pockets
He’s a no outlet I’m driving full speed Like he’s a preacher for me to confess But he’s a no outlet
Am I walking to the gate of resentment Where there’s no contentment I am so relentless It’s a consensus
Weighed in at 108 pounds today despite eating $100 dollars worth of Cracker Barrel over the last 3 days.
My new small clothing is already too big, and the extra small are loose. Extra extra small exists but I’m probably too fat for it.
108 pounds because “my labs are fine” despite cancer eating me alive
Medical malpractice is common
I don’t want anywhere near a hospital when dying
And like Bob, I would call 9/11 and hang up.
I recently did that, after giving my 201? (location) and she had the audacity to ask me the location.
I responded, “I just fucking told you” and click.
Call disconnected
I did not answer the return
And spoke with the cop when he arrived who informed me that “all of Daytona is bad. Move.”
My lease is up in April
I really don’t want to renew
I also don’t know where to move?
I need land (1-5 acres and a down payment of like a lot)
Can you start dropping coordinates
Of potential places
Where there aren’t many faces
I’m stuck in stasis
Skipping over bases
We’re tied just like laces
Let the sign read faceless
Erasing traces
Following the void
God is gracious
But my neighbors are so racist
I ain’t complacent
Need new spaces
(Help pretty please)
I hope TikTok gets banned
I made my account private and uninstalled the communistic spy app cuz I’m in trouble again for sharing LGBT fashion and stating I was boycotting it
My hate extends all the way to “Made in China”
Stamp it
Engrave it
I fucking hate it
The Great Wall of deceit
WordPress too
The phone is dead come September
Don’t want a new
Not dropping $500+ every two years to be punished on social media
Literally ready to just disappear
By Uncle Sam
My parents are still alive but I don’t know their phone or address
Like a kid, I feel helpless
Acting out of will
Guess I’m growing feckless
Avoiding road of reckless
And feeling so desperate
Just need a quiet place to rest
Maybe God’s chest?
I love him the best
God 1st
Fuck AI
Stop training the AI
I will fuck him up
The Chinese will use AI to commit crime as they are attempting to avoid karma
I do not comply
With any change happening
You fucking asshole
You voted for Biden eh
And have the audacity to say “I can’t trust you”
Oh do-do
I can’t be in the same room as a man
Hardly any women
99.9% of the population denounced God
Stop gaslighting you soulless pricks
“I’m not having children”
Yeah cuz you are bad witch
Nihilist
You all went grey in your 30s
Cuz you removed yer sex organs
For plastic
To look like you’re about to have a baby
But you can’t
And are not
And I’m still bleeding
My life was stolen from me
God feels pain
The dog is driving me insane
I know who is to blame
There’s only one name on my blacklist
*insert shit that could hurt me in the future*
So which path do I take?
Revenge or forgiveness?
It ain’t none of your business
Sincerely as your witness
Kisses sealed with suspicious
Pepper sprayed cuz I’m vicious
What if all these freckles on my body are shadow burns from other stars we can’t actually see cuz our own Sun
Like how the shadow of people were burned into the wall when they were nuked
Like an xray
A mirror reflecting the cosmos
If we could really leave earth, we would
Man killed the dinosaurs
6th mass extinction
You’re gonna burn in hell
For all eternity
Reincarnation is another word for cloning
*sigh* I spend so much time fixing the algorithm
And don’t get paid for it
I no longer answer surveys or give my opinions
Unless you gonna $$$$ me
I’m not racist, I just don’t like you
Be someone worth liking
You’re a walking HollyWood soundbar
Propaganda is all you spew
Cox and his cocks, I mean clocks
Science is nihilism
I wish the dog was dead
I want my life back
Sorry not sorry
People changed him
I’m a passive nihilist in recovery
God save me
But the darkened ones in Generica
The majority
I don’t want to save
Would step back from my own family in flames
Have done and did
Regrets? Oh yeee
Going dark for 6 months or so
There are demons running this world
Satan’s domain
I’ve overstayed my welcome
Losing faith but seldom
Sharpening it like weapon
Cuz devil is depression
As above so below
You ever worry about just being ones and zeros
Like Pinocchio hoping for a soul
Like jumping in a hole
I ran out of stories of cave dying
And have moved onto “crocodile’s eating humans”
I’ve done some seriously dangerous shit as a teen
Nothing like jumping off a ship into shark infested waters at night
This one guy wanted to visit the nudest colony in Death Valley
By miracle he was rescued
But opted a second time to go again
HE DIED
There is a pattern with the seconds
Like how I got the second shot
I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
My immune system was compromised
I’m alive by sheer will and the grace of God
If I knew I only had X amount of time remaining
I’d probably exact my revenge
It’s extremely hard walking a path of holy
In the devil’s land
What dimension are we in again?
It’s a proven fact that Gen Y and Z are dumber than previous generations
I can’t relate to anyone but Gen X and him and him
Him and Him – new book name
I identify as a GIRL
Men cannot have babies
Everybody is a fucking pedo
Fuck LGBT
Fuck TikTok
Fuck “Made in China”
The cops: indecent exposure
Me: the clothes make me burn
Cotton or au gratin?
Apparently most cheese isn’t cheese
Why does God spare some and not others?
Potential?
Not an NPG?
Anything that can happen does and will
Possibility?
Both wave and particle
Timeline jumping
I was going at least 80 miles an hour when I moved into the middle-lane at the exact moment thousands of hands of lightning struck my Jeep, all 4 windows down, arm out
“Fuck” I cried as I whipped my arm in and looked through my rearview and side mirrors taking my foot off the pedal
The sound deafening
Lightning touched my arm
The whole Jeep was surrounded by arms of lightning
Pop up artist in Oklahoma Has no damn diploma Divorced him in a coma But darling she’s a cold one
Unreal omens Roaming like the Romans My blood is spoken One spell never broken Couldn’t love them both then?
We’re nearly dressed alike Turn down the turnpike Let’s go for a hike Heard from hope tonight
Maybe it was harder than I thought it would be Humility
He likes my tiny – My tiny tiny heart Nicknamed sunshiny His counterpart
The big girls keep yelling that I’m small / I fear he can’t see me at all
Like a volcano about to erupt I’m running amuck Let me be abrupt This government is corrupt!
Everything he writes Is about him me you us Combined in a trust Locked without fuss
To put her mind at ease, he lied With spear in side Not Judascide Cat caught the mouse Lie tied to mouth Not big the trap
Are you burning down cities? Running from the guilty? Like a modern viking gypsy? Do you fancy life more risky? Got a shot a whiskey?
AWOL / never ordered you to leave
I’m 1600 miles away from hope No room for boat Get your telescope Walking a tightrope
Has karma grabbed your foot? Think you’re off the hook? Think steps I mistook? Ban me like a crook?
I’m a fucking primate Gotta lot on my plate
You make life misery You take all liberty
I clean but make a bigger mess / to God I confess
It’s like he’s observing a galaxy from 4 billion years ago – The girl he used to know Does he see how much I’ve grown?
Adventure is more reliable than happiness Said once a therapist?
You’re a deceitful mess I learned from the best
Dear Necromancer, Nothing is not the answer Let God be the anchor And Earth, don’t forget to thank her
The nervous thumb twitch Like broke then too rich Got called a dumb bitch Might wind up in a ditch
Your new life will cost you your old one Just waiting for the dog to be done
There’s something super familiar about all these incidents Just can’t place my feather on it
He works in 12 hour shifts Might hear from him In a dozen years
Could you mumble in monotone some more / you’re a zombie chewing on my bored
I wonder where you are on my follower list Someone I’ll surely miss? Connection with a twist? Or maybe you don’t exist?
Got knocked down Lost my place Scattered humility Eclipsed across my face Nearly lost my soul Now taking second place
He doesn’t understand I don’t have love for him I don’t have love for much I don’t have love for them
He comes on like rain Smell of petrichor Bet I love it more
I know you think I’m boring Map me like you’re exploring Tell you stories that got you snoring I know who you’re ignoring
He’s so bizarre Drive fast in my car Foot on the throttle He thinks I’m odd
We are distributed across billions of light years of space That’s the love it takes That’s why our heart aches Unlimited weight We’re at infinities gate Heaven will not wait
Are the fate of empires? Held in your words? Gated records? That you hurl towards? Like a landlord? Landslides on board? To my own accord? The way we both build rapport? Like you know just what I’m asking for? I couldn’t love you anymore!!!!
We are split by space and time And still our interference shows Hidden patterns of reality The fact that you still love me Our creator watching his creation You and I equation Met with ramification Calm down love acting so graven
PoeEternal 