Posted on by poeeternal

“nature is good for you”

it’s kind of traumatizing seeing and hearing what animals do to one another

i just don’t think i’m doing life right

it’s prob just a bored abandoned cat terrorizing everything God made cuz “it’s fun”, “it’s what i want”, “i can’t stop” cuz he’s no better than an animal and i just wish the neighbors that hear the laughing coming from the window is not of “fun nature”

they’d wanna kill me even more

the crime is still ongoing just fyi

the “bad dope” is in my backyard and when the state gave me CUD and i have to temp stop my pain and anxiety medication for 6 months – i wasn’t allowed to accept gifts or phone numbers no matter how tempting or good the offer smelled

they leave live rounds outside my window

and i ain’t never did them no wrong

‘cept that one time the gang leader living next door asked me if he could “live with me for 3 months” cuz him and his gal were splitting up (and i wasn’t gonna have to hear him beat his dog anymore through the walls) and he offered to help “catch me up on my ride” cuz “he knew i was behind” cuz we had some hurricanes out here that made us lose power for a weeks time and “love thy neighbor” (but not that much)- i’m just a big mouth (but not a narc) (or narC) and folks will never phish any info out me again ‘cept maybe “hell is real” “god is everywhere”

but i told him no immediately (despite having threatening letters by Capitol One that they were gonna start the process to remove my ride) – and so as if being sued by my creditors and having to go to court (for other debts) wasn’t humiliating enough – the judge demanding i take “3 full breaths before we start because i look like i want to jump from the bridge behind us”- and this was in a full courtroom

“the bridge behind us”

…as if that wasn’t humiliating enough i had to tell the thug “no” and he said “you can sleep on it” and i replied “i don’t need to”

and the devil got mad

said my back window would get broken

it did, the day before thanksgiving

and now all his friends cousins and brothers

make life hell for me

and there’s an undercover out here waiting on his promo

i won’t have anything to do with anyone

it ain’t just black people “we don’t talk like that”

i have ghosted my own father

why you so mad

“equal opportunity hater”

“we hate everyone”

so even if i wanted to break the law and “make peace” – i could fucking die from the w**d

I had a fucking addiction right in the middle of a gang war and like

i.dont.want.to.die.

uhm SOS?

it’s like every direction is trying to kill me and suicide is humane?

i couldnt breathe again and had to open a window and now the gangs think i aint living in fear

my third air purifier is arriving soon

30 days to close they say

i can’t manage to leave the very house that is killing me

this place aint worth dying for

these people

this town

im not gonna be able to breathe until i am far gone

i better stop laughing with the window open cuz dont wanna leave in a body bag

cop: “you need to move”

“not just from here”

“but all of Daytona”

“all of Daytona is bad”

“there’s not enough cops”

protection prayers please

i had nothing to do with this by the way: https://www.daytonabeachconnection.com/Daytona-Beach-Police-Department-makes-major-drug-bust–arrests-suspect–1-16524.html

i simply told a man “no” and bam – despite my lease stating and having a clause to protect women – i have video evidence and proof of so much shit i have been through

enough to make someone die by suicide

“you can’t make someone kill themself”

they took away the noise disturbance law in 2008

and some of the things in my head that would put me on tv – are justified

“we only hire Black people for a safe environment”

God is gonna know when im back home cuz im gonna be slinging the devils head outside the doh!

im sure one of the cats will wind up dead cuz 3 or 4 have been murdered with a vehicle by a neighbor – and i either hear the cries and see the aftermath and blood pooling – or discover them cold and dead

and i hate the things but not enough to kill them

im selling my new ps5 btw

i already know i likely probably break community guidelines and this is minority report

and you definitely in the minority if you believe in God

so JJ wanted me to know that he would not be released when the floods come

and im apparently welcome to visit anytime

he knows my greatest fear after all

Posted on by poeeternal · 8 Comments

Got Him (or maybe he has me)

Not only does he listen
I got him by the teeth
And in his world I glisten
While dancing on his feet

His love has no conditions
So solid like concrete
It seems his only mission
Is loving me complete

Walking tightropes
Over every word wrote
Using lines to balance
Darkness and failed hope
Taking steps to fall
But then don’t
He pushes me across the wire
His back gropes
The world crying I’m a joke
But he won’t

He is a cosmic jewel
Longing felt under moon
A hope or two
A dream in blue

Earthly views
The perfect muse
The love I choose
Someone I can’t refuse

© Delia Ross. 2020

Uhm, is anyone sick of my rhyme yet? Did anyone notice that within a blink my blog reached nearly 10K more views? Nearly 10,000 more visits HERE to read my blog! We’re nearing 60K! 😍

Got my enemies watching with a telescope- they say they hate me but you know I’m dope! 😍

Thanks for checking out my blog! I appreciate!

Posted on by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Titanic

I fall so deep into the earth
Unable to show you just how much you are worth
I become the very thing I curse
And then I can’t stop the hurt

A runaway greenhouse effect
Mirroring the very thing I deject
Or hoping for any way to connect
A sinking Titanic from gorgeous to wrecked

Now I am laying on your ocean floor
With torn lace and silver but still rather poor
I’ve decorated disaster with devilish decor
Burned out, unmarried, but nothing much more

© Delia Ross. 2020

Mumbo jumbo for the one below. Sign post reads: Stop here

I don’t mean to hurt you. 😭😭😭

I don’t know why I hurt you. 😭😭😭

I don’t want to hurt you. 😭😭😭

I’m just a sinking man trying to make you drown with me. 😭😭😭

A drowning man is the most dangerous. 😭😭😭

I’m no good. 😭😭😭

You should just let me drown. 😭😭😭

*watches him drop a bottle while putting scuba gear on*

*catches bottle in the water*

*reads message in a bottle*

*cries* 😭😭😭

Photos by @poeeternal
I deserve to drown in the bottom of the sea. I love you. 😭

I know I’m a toxic little fuck. I know I make it impossible to be friends. I wish I knew how to fix me. I’m brokens. 😭😭😭

I’ve decorated disaster with devilish decor

Psst I like the thing you did in your last poem. I know it’s called a thing but I can’t think what it’s called. I like doing it too (but you do everything better). I like you.

“I like you too”. But, I like you alot. “I like you alot too”. Okay, well maybe I like you more than alot. Like the whole pie alot, not just a slice. I like you whole” (the weird conversation we’d be having right now if you allowed me to talk to you). Because I iz stewpids and you iz smartz.

I don’t deserve your help. Let me die. 😭

Maybe I’d be more stable if you were really around. I’m scared. 😭

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal

Tristan and Jonathan’s Survival Fund

So, my kid has fallen on hard times. But because they are gay, finding help is harder. The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and my financial problems have probably tilted over into another generation but we’re all in this boat together and some of us are seriously struggling.

Missouri is high crime and I don’t want my kid to wind up dead so if anybody could help it would be fantastic. It’s harder to find help because they are gay and Salvation Army is against LGBT.

Share this link too, it can help! 🙏 https://gf.me/u/y4mgzk

Because I myself am in a financial apocalypse, I can’t even donate to it currently and it would help ease my mind if somebody out there could pay it forward. I don’t want to be visiting my kid in the cemetery. I’m just about done with 2020 to be honest.

Look, they found themselves without an apartment and there’s moving expenses, first and last month’s deposits, application fees, supplies and rentals for hauling their things.

They are sleeping in their car in a high crime rate city. In the cold.

They are working. But they live paycheck to paycheck like the majority of the poor.

So I’m reaching out and asking for help. Please help them if you can. Everyone deserves a safe place to live. They didn’t have that and now they’re on the street.

Everyone needs a hand from time to time. There’s no shame in asking for help. What is shameful is hearing the cries of others and ignoring it. That happens all too often, I know. Because I myself became homeless for the first time in my life in 2017 and it wasn’t because I was lazy.

Izzy aged 9 months who now goes by Tristan. I gave births to this. It grew inside me. It fed from the milk in my breast for a year. Life is weird.

I am a mother, this is my ONLY child. Have mercy. 🙏

Self (left), Tristan (right,my kid). Peeps say we look like sisters LOL. THAT’S YER MOM they say!!!! Yups. Then I gets called olds. It’s a vicious cycle out there . I prefer being called a cub still, not a cougar. 😂
Being a mom is a big part of who I am. I take on the “mom” role for anyone younger and any chance I get. That’s me (left) and my kid (right).
The person I made a baby with is gone. He left this Earth already. Died a few years ago. This is him. I was 17 and pregnant with our baby. I rarely talk about him and this is a first time sharing this photo (of a photo). We considered this our first “family photo” because I was a very 6 months pregnant here. 🙂 I know people have babies all the time but it really does hurt. 🙂

We all 3 got 1 more photo together before he died of cancer. This is our last photo together. We were born into a broken home and made our home broken as well. I never married him though he asked (with hand and ring). I left him when my child was just a few months old. I remained a single parent until his death. Now single parent forever more.

Last photo all together, Tristan (left), Scott (middle), self (right). Taken June 2016 at the hospice in Nashville, Tennessee before he passed away of cancer. It was a hard fight. We stayed awake and for him until his very last breath. He fought some 3 very long days. I know this is hard to look at, the cancer had eaten him away. Not a moment after he passed the light flickered beside him, the first time since we’d been there, and his face fell soft and smiling like in peace. I hope he finally found it. You can’t convince me that life ends after death. I wasn’t the only one who saw the light flicker or felt the room get cold. You can’t take away my faith. It’s my middle name after all and more than a motto or tattoo on my chest… I’ve also lived in fox holes in the middle of a war in Iraq and that will teach you a thing or two about faith as well. But can someone help get my kid off the street because I can’t??
Self and my baby aged 9 months old (happily breastfed). Me age 18 and in a pair of Doc Martens. Some things never change. Photo by Scott (RIP).

I don’t have anything to do with the campaign, I didn’t create the campaign, this is their campaign. Just an FYI. When I get my next check, I’m going to be making a small donation from my tiny paycheck, that all goes to bills, and it won’t be very much to help out. So any help or shares will greatly ease my mind as a parent. To know that my kid is no longer sleeping in their car, in one of the most highest crime rated cities ever, and I can’t even help to get them off the fucking street. And it’s getting COLD there.

To whoever sees this out there and helps them, thank you. From one parent or human to another…

Thanks for listening! Please share this link – however you want- someone may heed the call! My kid is 23 and sleeping in the car! Helps!!!! Please!!! 🙏🙏🙏 https://gf.me/u/y4mgzk

Posted on by poeeternal · 9 Comments

A Special Video Message Regarding Depression & Mental Health Awareness + thanks

Hey y’all! Thank you to everyone who helped make my birthday special yesterday!! If you left love on my socials or watched me on Twitch, double thank you! I’ll be going live again soon! 😍

Yesterday, Joy for Jan, a depression awareness group, ran by two ladies who lost their mother by suicide, also published a special video message I recorded for them, on their Instagram TV/ IGTV. It’s a little over 10 minutes long and talks about the misconception that you can just “snap out of depression”. Most of us have been guilty of thinking this or asking this of others. “Hey come on, cheer up, what do you have to be sad about?”. Well that’s the thing, there’s plenty to be sad about but it doesn’t require an event to make you depressed. Everything can be going great in your life and you or someone you know can still get depression.

Check out the special video message I made for them and check out their website and socials. If you prefer, they published the video on their Facebook page too. You can view that here.

They are an excellent support group for mental health awareness.

Follow them, listen to others, spread the word. Let’s help change the misconceptions regarding depression and mental illness.

We all know someone who is suffering from depression, or we’ve lost someone to suicide, or we suffer from depression ourselves.

You’re not crazy, you’re ill. That’s why it’s called a mental illness.

And often it takes rigorous response to treat depression. Depression is and can be TERMINAL.

The suicide rate continues to rise worldwide, not just among military and Veterans, but civilians as well. Have some compassion for yourself and for others.

Practice the art of forgiveness.

Sending light and love to those suffering from mental illness and to those who have lost someone to mental illness.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Full links:

Special IGTV video message: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CEFiBIbjecz/?igshid=duiz2hc2gk8z

JoyforJan on the web: https://www.facebook.com/226987451120353/posts/925654627920295

My official Twitch channel: http://www.twitch.tv/poeeternal

Special IGTV video message

If you dig my blog, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.

I’m now on Twitch! Hit my channel at: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal

Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal

I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal

Narcissism warning

TERMS YOU NEED TO STUDY / THEN GO NO CONTACT

TRIANGULATION, GASLIGHTING, LOVE BOMBING

These are common tools and tactics the narcissist will use to manipulate, confuse, and control you. GO NO CONTACT!

I know it hurts honey, I’m hurting too. But, they are incapable of real love. You gotta go no contact. There’s nothing you can do to change them. You can’t fix them. They are damned. Save yourself! Go NO CONTACT. NO LOOKING BACK!

xoxo
Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

My Sunday, how’s yours going?

I woke up to my Sunday morning with my ride having been damaged by a heinous, criminal act. I do not have the money to repair it. IF ANYONE CAN HELP, PLEASE HELP. DEPRESSION AWARENESS! SUICIDE AWARENESS. I CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE. If anyone is capable or caring enough to help, please, I’m at the end of my rope.

Broken window, shattered soul, this is hell, don’t you know
Sunday blues *sigh*
Nothing stolen, strictly spite
$275 in repair costs I do not have and cannot drive until it is fixed.