My dream home is under contract with someone else

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Like when I saw him from the other side, my life flashed before my eyes. Everything I had dreamed of behold: DENIED.

It felt the same walking away from my dream home. I CRIED.

Just wasting away til the moment I DIE

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The old me clashing with the new me. The old dreams. No longer fitting. And the tears they keep coming I’M ADMITTING

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The fact that they still wanna work with me even tho I didn’t sign the contract, and there’s 4 more available – and he let me know he’d be showing the remaining available

And I wanna curl up but (not die)

I was approved for my dreamhome – I just didn’t have the courage or feelings of worthiness – or maturity – to take on a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom townhome

I can barely get on most days

I once dreamed prayed while dying “if I could just see my soulmate” “even for a minute” before I die

I don’t really believe in coincidences

I hope he’s happy tho cuz I’m fucking miserable

It’s probably this fucking disease of depression I suffer from

God has imposter syndrome but he’s probably a psychotherapist

I know you never thought about it

Like that before

Did yah?

I just sometimes wish one thought could be my own

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I’m prepping to climb Mt Everest (or some other peak) so that’ll take prob a decade to recover from this heart injury

(Im not really planning to climb a mt per say)

(Im practicing freewill and freedom)

I know I sound depressed lmao but Im fine

But I prob shouldnt show my face at my remaining dream homes

I already went thru all the feels

And they belong to someone better

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