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The Other End Of Sorrow

Hi. Some have asked about my activity (or lack thereof). My dad died. I still don’t know the cause of death and there’s legal matters still to attend.

Today is his birthday and I want to celebrate life.

A smile is all I can do.

When I surface for air, and see my blog readers, my followers, my patrons and my subs, it invites me to keep going. But, I gotta deep dive a bit longer. And I appreciate the life support I do.

If you could keep your fingertips on me a bit longer, I fancy the stars and the moon (also helps keep me from drowning).

I paused my Patreon campaign for the month of December, my patrons will not be charged.

I’m posting some photos and videos on my OnlyFans but I have not been in a mood to write.

Thank you for your understanding while I take some time for myself to reflect on the meaning of life.

But also while I deal with life. I am facing things in life I never considered or prepared for.

Like my dads last words to me via his will and testament.

I am still awaiting the arrival of that plus news of his autopsy report. 😭

I just need time to not do anything. And not doing anything still consists of having to take care of my pets and bathe and eat and it’s about all I can muster right now.

My last conversation with my dad was an angry one and I didn’t even give him an opportunity to respond.

I have that cross to bear as well.

I’m going through some shit right now.

The only thing I need right now is time.

Time to cry.

Time to breathe.

Time to grieve.

Time to be.

But, some people use this time to kick me while I’m down. I see you. I read your slights.

I see everything which is generally why I like to be alone.

I’ll get back to writing and creating artsy videos and vampire cosplay soon, it’s what I do. I’m a content creating machine.

2021 is a year of transformation for me, that’s the good ole’ plan anyway. More tattoos, more piercings, more newds. Getting a new wardrobe too.

I’m gonna be hella active, I hope you stick around. I got big plans for my Patreon and my OF.

My blog is my lifeline. Not gonna quit writing anytime soon. Sometimes just need to bury my head in the sand.

Which is a better option than drowning myself in the ocean because we get a thousand pound Great White visitor from Australia that visits us here. I’m sure I’d be a tasty treat.

I don’t get in the ocean because there are fish in there with teeth bigger than me. 👀

I’m petite. 👀

(But also vampire daylight sun gross)

If you need more of me though, there’s currently over 280 photos, 75 videos, and lots of love on my OnlyFans! 💋

I’m coming up with more ways to reward you for your love. Give love, get love. And I’m behind on writing (per my own standards) but life happens and currently life.

I still have bills to pay and food to eat so your support is helping another human exist. It all goes back into the art. It nurtures my soul. I miss you too.

You can come lie in the dark with me if you want. But the gravity will make you cry.

xoxo still alive xoxo

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Signs

There are signs posted with moss covering
Empty bottles where the devil is recovering
Dirty feathers all around in piles cluttering
And care is a word I hear you keep uttering

There are scabs where blood is spluttering
No cover for my mouth we are discovering
Though secrets are a map I’m not uncovering
And love is the only thing left hovering

© Delia Ross. 2020

I don’t know why he hasn’t let me drown. He needs to push me to the bottom of the ocean.
Something about caring?
I iz monster. 😭 How to stop the need?

I iz bad. Past my expiration date? Losing me mind. One moment at a time.

DEPRESSION AWARENESS

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 8 Comments

Got Him (or maybe he has me)

Not only does he listen
I got him by the teeth
And in his world I glisten
While dancing on his feet

His love has no conditions
So solid like concrete
It seems his only mission
Is loving me complete

Walking tightropes
Over every word wrote
Using lines to balance
Darkness and failed hope
Taking steps to fall
But then don’t
He pushes me across the wire
His back gropes
The world crying I’m a joke
But he won’t

He is a cosmic jewel
Longing felt under moon
A hope or two
A dream in blue

Earthly views
The perfect muse
The love I choose
Someone I can’t refuse

© Delia Ross. 2020

Uhm, is anyone sick of my rhyme yet? Did anyone notice that within a blink my blog reached nearly 10K more views? Nearly 10,000 more visits HERE to read my blog! We’re nearing 60K! 😍

Got my enemies watching with a telescope- they say they hate me but you know I’m dope! 😍

Thanks for checking out my blog! I appreciate!

Posted on by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Titanic

I fall so deep into the earth
Unable to show you just how much you are worth
I become the very thing I curse
And then I can’t stop the hurt

A runaway greenhouse effect
Mirroring the very thing I deject
Or hoping for any way to connect
A sinking Titanic from gorgeous to wrecked

Now I am laying on your ocean floor
With torn lace and silver but still rather poor
I’ve decorated disaster with devilish decor
Burned out, unmarried, but nothing much more

© Delia Ross. 2020

Mumbo jumbo for the one below. Sign post reads: Stop here

I don’t mean to hurt you. 😭😭😭

I don’t know why I hurt you. 😭😭😭

I don’t want to hurt you. 😭😭😭

I’m just a sinking man trying to make you drown with me. 😭😭😭

A drowning man is the most dangerous. 😭😭😭

I’m no good. 😭😭😭

You should just let me drown. 😭😭😭

*watches him drop a bottle while putting scuba gear on*

*catches bottle in the water*

*reads message in a bottle*

*cries* 😭😭😭

Photos by @poeeternal
I deserve to drown in the bottom of the sea. I love you. 😭

I know I’m a toxic little fuck. I know I make it impossible to be friends. I wish I knew how to fix me. I’m brokens. 😭😭😭

I’ve decorated disaster with devilish decor

Psst I like the thing you did in your last poem. I know it’s called a thing but I can’t think what it’s called. I like doing it too (but you do everything better). I like you.

“I like you too”. But, I like you alot. “I like you alot too”. Okay, well maybe I like you more than alot. Like the whole pie alot, not just a slice. I like you whole” (the weird conversation we’d be having right now if you allowed me to talk to you). Because I iz stewpids and you iz smartz.

I don’t deserve your help. Let me die. 😭

Maybe I’d be more stable if you were really around. I’m scared. 😭

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

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Favorite

No matter how many times I slam closed the doors of communication
He’ll be on the other side waiting
Anticipating apology and thorough aching
My overall frustration for misbehaving

His back my entire foundation
My heart his home base station
Tossing apologies in the fire for cremation
I’m his favorite creation

© Delia Ross. 2020

My OnlyFans account deletion has been stopped, as I’ve decided to stay there. I’m not sure when people will be able to re-subscribe again (it’s pending reactivation) but I know you can follow me there until. And thank you for your patience with me as I grow as a writer and artist. And human being overall. 🙂

He knows I’m sorry. But I don’t know if I could ever face him and say it. And if I ever did find the courage to face him again and say it, he’d just throw it away immediately.

So the good news is he didn’t block me. He still doesn’t know I exist. Like one of them soldiers standing guard for the queen. Solid as stone. Hardened? Hates me? Maybe I’m just the ghost haunting him. Oh noes, helps. *sobs* 😭😭😭

Uhm, thanks for still finding value in me even though I can be a depressed, emo, isolated little bitch, who pushes everyone away and crucifies the one I love the most.

I’m deeply sorry. But I don’t know how to say it anymore. There’s a good chance it’ll happen again but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorrys.

Got back on tbe 18+ Insta too

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 11 Comments

Flight

If only reason would pour itself over me the way your rains will do
The way your skies are blue
Calling me for a flight or two
I love you

© Delia Ross. 2020

I can’t get him to block me back no matter what I do. I don’t purposely seek out rubble, it’s just sometimes a huge chunk breaks off me like a boulder and starts rolling down and crushing anyone in his path. And as I’m tumbling down the hole of despair, he’s still there. Picking up all the little pebbles and tucking them right into his heart.

So yeah, I found another way to scream I’M DROWNING, while in a spiral downward. I clawed him all the way down, too. Landed right back by his side in pieces.

I’m staring up from down below. Wondering how many times I have to start again. As his rope begins to descend. Was that not my end?

This is why poetry exists. Edgar Allan Poe lost the love of his life and literally died in the street and I have some of his previously, unpublished words he wrote for her tattooed on my ribcage.

Edgar Allan Poe and the words he wrote his true love after she died. And then he died. In the fucking street. Naked!!! At only age 40! 😭
Older photo of my Edgar Poe tat when it was healing “My love is lying” me too Poe!! But in a different way!! “I must weep alone” same same!!! 😭

So what does all this mean?

I’m having difficulty living without him and don’t want to die in the street?

I’d like more tats. They were getting super strict about tattoos in the military. But now that I’m out, I can work on getting some visible tattoos once the Jeep is paid off (on my last 2 payments). Everything cost the moneys I don’t have. Join my Patreon! 🙏

I need better photos of my Edgar Allan Poe tattoo and I also want to get some flowers around my hip and the poem.

Me no likey pains. Me wants pleasures. Take away me pain.

Real body, real person, real scars. I don’t want to remove my sex organs for plastic. Get over it. I’ve made it to age 42 without a single gray hair. ACCOMPLISHMENT. CHECKMATE. (someone has requested for me to get on the onlyfans but if you don’t mind the fact that I have a real body, I’m going to be starting a new nude cosplay tier on my Patreon 2021 (potentially). I’m not a model. I’m just yer average gal in a petite body trying to do extraordinary things. I have done’s. (I’ve had many guys body-shame me over the years for not having fake boobs or fake tans, nails, and hair for that matter). I guess I’m supposed to be this bombshell pornstar 24/7 which is not what I am at all. They weren’t even good lovers. Let alone decent human beings. If I could do my twenties over, I would spend it making less mistakes with man. So now Ima do me for my final decade (and I’d be hella lucky to make it to 50 at the rate my body and mind is disintegrating). Thanks for seeing me and appreciating me while I’m alive.
I’ve never gone pink or bleached my fine silks. Trying to keep my hair growing after I die… I don’t know how Gavin Rossdale would respond if I showed up at a Bush show with pink hair, he already adores the fuck out of me coming to his shows. I get the VIP treatment whether I do VIP or not. 😊

I currently have 3 tats, 1 on my lower back (also another excruciating part of the body due to your nerve endings), ribcage (Poe tat) and upper chest (super easy in comparison to the back and rib). My Edgar Allan Poe tattoo is my largest (and that bad boy is on my ribcage). I’m going to be getting some new tattoos in 2021!!! I mean, like if I don’t die. Which is literally quite easy to do.

I’m starting to get request for the onlyfans. But I don’t want to do any kind of porn acts. I asked them if they’d still be willing or interested if I did classy nude cosplay sometimes with Vampire elements and they said yes and be willing to spend 15 to $20 on that so. That’s good. Good that I’m starting to get requests & price estimates. I even took a screenshot for my self-esteem (of the request). So thank you, because I really want to get into the cosplay and I need some support for that. Costumes, fangs, makeups, gear, equipment. FOOD. GAS to get places. They discovered my Insta! Hope the shadowban’s been lifted!!

I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up (including photography you can use for your own projects)! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally and to keep writing and making art! 

http://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

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Tristan and Jonathan’s Survival Fund

So, my kid has fallen on hard times. But because they are gay, finding help is harder. The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and my financial problems have probably tilted over into another generation but we’re all in this boat together and some of us are seriously struggling.

Missouri is high crime and I don’t want my kid to wind up dead so if anybody could help it would be fantastic. It’s harder to find help because they are gay and Salvation Army is against LGBT.

Share this link too, it can help! 🙏 https://gf.me/u/y4mgzk

Because I myself am in a financial apocalypse, I can’t even donate to it currently and it would help ease my mind if somebody out there could pay it forward. I don’t want to be visiting my kid in the cemetery. I’m just about done with 2020 to be honest.

Look, they found themselves without an apartment and there’s moving expenses, first and last month’s deposits, application fees, supplies and rentals for hauling their things.

They are sleeping in their car in a high crime rate city. In the cold.

They are working. But they live paycheck to paycheck like the majority of the poor.

So I’m reaching out and asking for help. Please help them if you can. Everyone deserves a safe place to live. They didn’t have that and now they’re on the street.

Everyone needs a hand from time to time. There’s no shame in asking for help. What is shameful is hearing the cries of others and ignoring it. That happens all too often, I know. Because I myself became homeless for the first time in my life in 2017 and it wasn’t because I was lazy.

Izzy aged 9 months who now goes by Tristan. I gave births to this. It grew inside me. It fed from the milk in my breast for a year. Life is weird.

I am a mother, this is my ONLY child. Have mercy. 🙏

Self (left), Tristan (right,my kid). Peeps say we look like sisters LOL. THAT’S YER MOM they say!!!! Yups. Then I gets called olds. It’s a vicious cycle out there . I prefer being called a cub still, not a cougar. 😂
Being a mom is a big part of who I am. I take on the “mom” role for anyone younger and any chance I get. That’s me (left) and my kid (right).
The person I made a baby with is gone. He left this Earth already. Died a few years ago. This is him. I was 17 and pregnant with our baby. I rarely talk about him and this is a first time sharing this photo (of a photo). We considered this our first “family photo” because I was a very 6 months pregnant here. 🙂 I know people have babies all the time but it really does hurt. 🙂

We all 3 got 1 more photo together before he died of cancer. This is our last photo together. We were born into a broken home and made our home broken as well. I never married him though he asked (with hand and ring). I left him when my child was just a few months old. I remained a single parent until his death. Now single parent forever more.

Last photo all together, Tristan (left), Scott (middle), self (right). Taken June 2016 at the hospice in Nashville, Tennessee before he passed away of cancer. It was a hard fight. We stayed awake and for him until his very last breath. He fought some 3 very long days. I know this is hard to look at, the cancer had eaten him away. Not a moment after he passed the light flickered beside him, the first time since we’d been there, and his face fell soft and smiling like in peace. I hope he finally found it. You can’t convince me that life ends after death. I wasn’t the only one who saw the light flicker or felt the room get cold. You can’t take away my faith. It’s my middle name after all and more than a motto or tattoo on my chest… I’ve also lived in fox holes in the middle of a war in Iraq and that will teach you a thing or two about faith as well. But can someone help get my kid off the street because I can’t??
Self and my baby aged 9 months old (happily breastfed). Me age 18 and in a pair of Doc Martens. Some things never change. Photo by Scott (RIP).

I don’t have anything to do with the campaign, I didn’t create the campaign, this is their campaign. Just an FYI. When I get my next check, I’m going to be making a small donation from my tiny paycheck, that all goes to bills, and it won’t be very much to help out. So any help or shares will greatly ease my mind as a parent. To know that my kid is no longer sleeping in their car, in one of the most highest crime rated cities ever, and I can’t even help to get them off the fucking street. And it’s getting COLD there.

To whoever sees this out there and helps them, thank you. From one parent or human to another…

Thanks for listening! Please share this link – however you want- someone may heed the call! My kid is 23 and sleeping in the car! Helps!!!! Please!!! 🙏🙏🙏 https://gf.me/u/y4mgzk

Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Dear Tribe

I love you. And I’ve got so much, I don’t know where to put it all. So sending love, lots of love. Because any one of us could be gone at any minute. And I don’t want to waste an ounce of my love. I’m just going to keep giving it until I can’t. And these are very dark days. But the love is the light. Stay in the light. Don’t let hate and anger become dark matter. They say there’s more darkness than there is light in the world, so in a way, the light is always fighting to be seen. And I believe that our souls are energy and that energy goes somewhere when we die. Energy seems to be the only thing that’s constant. And my love. I may be petite but my love is expanding like the universe. Spiral out, keep going… 😊 xxoo

KISS
Posted on by poeeternal · 8 Comments

The Truth

The truth is, I would carry his stone;
I would slay his demons and carry him home.
The truth is, I walk on my own;
But his heart won’t have to be carried alone.

© Delia Ross. 2020

DISTORTION digiart by @poeeternal
DISTORTION digiart by @poeeternal
DISTORTION digiart by @poeeternal
DISTORTION digiart by @poeeternal

If you dig my writing, you can support this blog by subscribing to my Patreon here ~ big love to my Patrons: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal/

I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 8 Comments

What It Takes

She’s part lightning and part thunder
She’s the muse to make you wonder
She’s the open field you wander
She’s the kiss to make you hunger

She’s the truth you seek but fear to face
And the purity you long to taste
She’s the hand that knows how to heal an ache
And she’d give it all if that’s what it takes

She’s the rainbow you see after a storm
The energy of a star to help you keep warm
She’s the honey and hive where the bees always swarm
Yet you are the reason her smile can take form

© Delia Ross. 2019

If you like my writing, please consider subscribing to my new Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal/

I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

Listen to me free on my radio channel at Tuners Radio here: https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

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Marigolds

She knows not what she is holding
An infancy of love he is hoping
I can see his galaxy growing
While her orbit is slowing

Crown jewels are in his eyes, blue as skies
His hands belong with truth, never lies

His hair is a field of dreams
On which sunlight beams

She knows not what she scolds
He passes hope out like marigolds
And like the sun he is a centerfold
And worth more than all the gold

© Delia Ross. 2019

Digi art of my muse Alexander Ebert by me…
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Carat

I try to be real underneath the private
I shed skins of transparency where most will hide it
And words they slip off my tongue like velvet
I gift him poetry instead of expensive carat

© Delia Ross. 2019

If you are tired of reading my micropoetry, feel free to read my 3 part epic tragedy I wrote a few years back (more like over a decade ago but who’s counting)… it’s titled MY SON and I feel is some of my greatest work (it’s super easy to use the little search box on my site but also, this year was the first time I released it publicly, it previously could only be found in my book)…

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Garden

I take my heart and I plant it in a garden
I bury it with love and grant another pardon
I cover it with grass so it will never be his burden
I would have given it to him but he found a better bargain
The seed might find the light but now I’m not so certain

Several years may pass and I’ll still be pulling weeds
Making sure he finds exactly what he needs
And if he ever asks, I’ll help him with some leads
The only thing I ask is happiness succeeds
And so I plant his rhyme in the better parts of me

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Mercy

I have been living in the shadows of the unworthy
I have been skipping in the streets of doubt

I gave a lot of hell to reason
I took a detour on the wrong route

My hands became bloodthirsty
After my tongue experienced drought

I lost the better meaning
Building bridges with no way out

I’d welcome his friends any season
Because mercy was made not to shout

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Seconds to Love

He is not the bird in a cage
He is not the burn, or the flame

He is not the bird falling from the sky
He has not the look of abandonment in his eye

He is not doubt, he is not the plague
He is not boredom nor is he rage

There is a stillness in his frame
There is melody in his name

There are not faults to rectify
Music is his only alibi

There are no moments to be void of
He will only take you ten seconds to love

There are no reasons to recon with
I always thought love was just a myth

© Delia Ross. 2019