the past never comes back
circles we cannot track
just like hope
the color is black!

the sun never rests
just like regret
it rises in the east
but sets in the west!

---

Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.

---

postscript: i’m terrified of dying young. even though every step i took while sleeping – was headed towards a premature ending, and i thought i was awake – like now – then i fall deeper into the rabbit hole – and the desire to drive off the bridge increases – until someone else does it – and i live vicariously through them (wow i spelled vicarious correctly the first time no help – so had to misspell an easy word to make sure spellcheck was working)

i prefer writing by hand again, making mistakes, real mistakes, not because of AI

or the fact that the infrastructure has been hacked

and Biden said that Trump needed to be in the bull’s-eye and apparently somebody took that literally

you voted for this

but I’m never voting again

i literally served my country and then they took my fucking freedom of speech and changed the policies and I don’t even recognize my own country and I feel like I have impostor syndrome

those are separate issues but not

the thing is, God also has imposter syndrome, at least down here

like he doesn’t know he’s God yet…

it may be up to us to fix this, cause we caused it

it is our problem

you don’t get to fuck things up and then put it off on someone else Gen X to fix

i’m terribly not sorry but i am ready to walk away from society – not drive off the bridge (despite the lovely thought)

the killer is the only one who can trust me – but he knows i cannot trust him – i cannot trust a thing – an angel is untrustworthy – still – of all living things – including him – i am THE ONLY THING HE CAN TRUST

it’s like a safety mechanism

and i’m off limits

for eternity

it’s the only form of love we know

“not killing one another”

but i have ptsd and the slightest noise he makes could set me off

the constant reassurance that it’s just someone else’s head he’s burying and not mine….

phew

i don’t like surprise, random gifts

it makes me think he is up to something

so i get gifts regularly

because i am his queen

and he puts his thing in me

---

“honey, how many likes to get a new plushy”

him: zero

so i don’t have to worry about one like

i get what i want

---

it’s the best life honest

i just have to keep my big fat mouth shut from the feds

and not tell them what i see happening late at night

sometimes i have to put a spell on him: “you did not see me” because if he knows what i saw or dreamed

i can read his eyes

i can feel the thickness of paranoia

we’re sick

i just go make soup

and then he fucks me

and the vibes chill

---

i’m not dating a serial killer might be my next book title…

---

where do i put the lies?

---

p.s.s i put his phone number in a black hole and the data cannot be retrieved

there’s no way to unblock

can’t look back even if i wanted

---

but i kept the receipt with his email when he bought me salad when i was actively dying

---

i’ve been fighting for my life and putting as far behind me the end of the line

---

wanna make it to 105

---

challenging with a heart, brain, lung injury

FYI

---

so if you were wondering what i do all day

NOT MUCH

---

I don’t understand why the boomers get their pennies all in a wad when I was five years away from retirement anyway

---

YEAH

SO CHILL

---

like you thought i was going to work until 78?

*laughs*

i will work WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT

---

i do actually feel like being a productive member of society

---

but I ain’t working for companies that are killing us

I DO NOT COMPLY

---

STOP CUTTING DOWN THE TREES

---

im putting that on a tee

like, been screaming it til i am blue in the face from lack of oxygen

---

has anyone else woken up to the nihilism in the world!?!

the ones who hate God?

the ones who destroy anything natural

---

hmmmm

---

I like being a fallen angel that serves God but gets to fucking toy with all the demons in hell

---

PLEASE KEEP EXPOSING WHO YOU ARE

all you gotta do is mention age in any form and i know you are a SICK FUCK

and if you even mention that I’m in my 40s I will cut your fucking dick off

i will go Lorena Bobbitt on you

i’m 15 and holding

YOU KNOW MY AGE

DON’T LET THE WRINKLES GASLIGHT YOU

I WILL NEVER GROW UP

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

the next cop to call me a child i will respond GOOD FUCKING PEDO

---

ARREST ME BITCH

---

“your honor, i called him out and got arrested whoops”

the judge: “get the cuffs off of her”

*apologizes to me*

but I’m gonna grumble that an apology isn’t good enough and I want compensation, as i walk off

unless the apology is on TV

and the compensation is a steak

---

PLEASE MAKE MORE NOISE

30% of the population, 70% of the crime

---

IT’S NOT LIKE WE ARE AWAKE

---

my father wants to see me

the one who gave me up for adoption

i can feel it…

---