you barely moved
when the glass coke bottle was swirling towards your head
maybe just a nod
like you were glad
i was wishing you were dead
you didn’t sway
and your eyes
never looked away
i remember to this day
the love we held for each other
the blood on the bread
the words never said
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
postscript: I remember writing him a love letter and sealing it with a kiss and also throwing a Coke bottle at his head? you know, for effect.
SHOCK FACTOR is kinda my thing
i shock myself as much as i do others
for instance, i yelled at Gavin Rossdale (of Bush): “do you even know who the fuck I am” when i meant to sweetly say “do you remember me” and both our mouths dropped by he tweeted me after the show the next morning that it was good to see me
so only some people experience the “shock factor”
i’m an angel
this is how I was born, this is how God made me and none of your fucking dictator conditioning or rules or regulations or policies is gonna fucking change that, not even jail time or the threat of fucking death 
LOVE WILL CHILL ME THE FUCK OUT
and food
and shelter
BASIC STUFF
BUT I STILL ACT TOUGH
is this why i am single never married?
and why are the young guys and the elder guys interested with me but not really the guys of my own age?
like the Gen X complains im aging?
like how dare i die?
Because it’s mostly Gen Xers who complain on my TikTok that I’m “middle aged”
self reflecting?
pissed off i clung to my youth and you did not?
my hair is thinning from the cancer and the stress but not a fucking gray yet but you don’t have any hair if at all and if you do it’s already fucking gone gray!?!
and that is my fault somehow?
i am to blame for your existence?
you will make me hate that I was ever born?
Because nihilism is a plague and I can fucking smell the stench
But I also stink because I’m shedding mold from every pore in my body
and I’ve been fighting this shit for several years now so I hope I don’t fucking die like the 90210 girl did after fighting cancer for nine fucking years
And cancer is just man-made fucking mold
i hate you
I hate every doctor that exists except that one that I had to fucking fall in love with that I will never fucking see again?
fuck you
Oh and the poem IS about the guy I wrote a love letter to AND threw the coke bottle at OK
and I was in my fucking 20s but now I’m in my 40s and I’m punching holes in the wall so I mean what has changed!?!?
Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine but the engine doesn’t turn
Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn
I’m so alone
Feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dying dreams
I think her death, it must be killing me
STOP SAYING YOU WANT TO PLAY IN MY SPLASH PARK
YOU EMBARRASSED ME
MY FOLLOWER RESPONDED “my boyfriend is here”
YOU EMBARRASSED US ALL
i was like “please keep pg”
like how old are you?
are you the reason for the coke bottles and broken walls?
STOPPPPP IT
The splash part is closed for business anyway until I’m not sick and I get a husband
neither of these look promising
being a landowner is less of a pipe dream these days but getting married feels an impossible task
only a psychopath would stand there with a fucking glass Coke bottle flying towards their head
or a serial killer
he met his match that day
I KNOW HE LOVES ME and HATES ME FOR THIS FACT
I think he tried contacting my fucking eight-year-old on Facebook and was not talking to me which is why I threw a coke bottle at his head but it could be just the fact that he wasn’t really talking to me and I didn’t even know about the other shit yet!?!?
like i threw a bottle at his head cuz he didn’t love me?
he didn’t flinch
cuz he loves me?
But he’s a fucking pedophile and he recently confessed that to me over the phone because every 10 years or something we video call each other
but i’ve lost his number again, fyi
he said I was on top of his list but I wonder if that really means I’m on the bottom?
And I will fucking remove everyone on that fucking list he has if I ever get a hold of it
DEAL
i keep looking back at my bad behavior in response to bad behavior…
PoeEternal 