and we both know you should not have used the same rules on me as you do on everyone else
God created everything
we don’t choose who we fucking love
“i’ll treat her like shit cuz i don’t deserve her” bullocks
again, apocalypse
i know you miss my random 2 am text messages waking you up with a picture of a single chip
i know you do
i don’t know what you thought it was i was gonna mail you
i don’t know how many times i gotta say – i aint that kinda girl
you aint my hubby
you lucky you got a text message at all of a bowl of beans
what an inconvience
enjoying the silence?
desperate to know you’re a despicable unlovable thing?
but didn’t God sit down with the most unclean?
im either randomly saving cockroaches from my wrath
or yelling at them to get out of my house while scaring the shit out of them and laughing about it
it’s a confusing time
i kicked out all the spiders, the plants are all dead, the fucking mold is like a plague, and finally, certain dog species will be going extinct, australia wants to eradicate wild cats, and i have been blogging about how cats and dogs were designed in an asian lab some 6000 years ago
and the great wall of deceit, the great pyramid scheme, can be traced back to China
6th mass extinction – China blame
first Bible – near China
cats and dogs – china
imperialism – china
and too many white boys with money in bed with CHINA
we’re moving over uncharted territory the same ole story they will say is new with a map or two said sky was green know a different thing they’re bringing out candy and guns feels like a witch hunt but i misread a room smiling when there’s gloom not good at pretense focus on lament
(cuz absolutely would propose or ask if anyone was available in the unit)
(if he responds “i am married” then that does not mean “no” but that he would have taken me to coffee and the courthouse asap to make things official and whatnot…
it’s the dead canary we are lost in war seeking sanctuary looking for one door behind a mercenary bones laid for decor soul too low to carry no hope no more the whole world he’ll bury
grave and shovel / the earth is fertile (bonus poem)
i love you more than all the heavens combined we move like the wind but hell won’t change my mind like crossing roads we’re entwined? entanglement? weren’t you heaven sent?
does he hold me hostage in his mind? is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream? he has touched me in places i have never seen majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs he turns my low to highs
the devil lives three doors down i got his number unholy ghost in town and i still can’t slumber
is that you shining light in my path
just a crush? you spin the earth like heaven i can feel the rush but time ain’t changing near you my cheeks turn rosy got a royal flush?
you must be the warmest place in the solar system you must be a taste of the life i am missing i walk around a zombie hissing but in my dreams we’re kissing
we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace
photo stolen from the web – from someone who stole it from the web – from someone who stole it from the web… so i dunno who took it – but dead folks things for sale !
i hope you hate the environment i created and it crushes you under the giant sun i hope you rot long into the hours curled in snot
i forget a lot the way love fades with the dying i practice afterthought of ways i want to hurt you i’ll be gone before the shot is ever heard by you keep looking in your blind spot i hope you lay awake at night haunted like maggots feasting on regret blood stains on the carpet
lying dead a tub with golden faucet but oh how the news can spread
and i’ll be there wearing smiles on my threads
in a circle where no one stands reciting dearly departed near abandoned homes cleaner than my house
i hope you doubt lose hair from all the worry
i pray out loud toes dug in the earth he ain’t got worth head towards clouds
with moon glowing from curse i hope it hurts your bones, your soul and all of the works
like mountains forming sharp edges ice forming from its ledges but you are burning in the hearth
for all eternal ages regret spinning back and forth a quasar or iron fucking cages
we’re seven inches from heaven but crawling closer to meaningless which way to go then which door to open but leave it on floor all your hope when you walk in i wonder why we haven’t spoken walk around the boat when it’s clearly overflowing but i won’t stick around to watch you jumping
i know you’re there i can feel your shadow watching i’m always awake my finger is a kill switch my divine purpose maybe i’m not a soldier yet until i get my finger wet wrapped around your dying neck i don’t give a heck
Memento mori Placed on shelf A little worry For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident? A personal present? For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical But still you reach out like fading galaxies Or maybe you just want to collide into me Yet always demanding the direction I take While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
Why won’t you follow To the cold mines Become trapped Bleeding bloodlines Holycrap
(RIP JJ)
Can’t wait to get to the range and see how the ticker does with a 9mm
A half would be nice but give me a full
A full arsenal of firearms, ammunition, explosives, knives, pepper spray & so on
And I’m like babes, get rid of the batteries. And don’t make the house explode.
Does the Devil know tho, I’m coming for his head? It don’t require guns.
They don’t know how long an eternity is.
Cox and his Clocks ⏰ – I mean cocks
It’s like Inception, we’re all living lives inside of lives inside of lives
I don’t relate to 40% of the population
In any manner
At all
(Maybe more like 95%)
40 because statistically they’ve never known struggle
I was like WHY DID THEY STEAL MY RETIREMENT and instead of leaping from the bridge here (that a judge said I looked like I wanted to jump from), I researched my apathy
You know it occurred to me that I’m 1000% a warrior
They changed the uniforms so many times, I couldn’t recognize myself anyway
Bring back the old Army greens
They gentrified
🙄
Does the Devil know?
Jim Caviezel said you have to bite off the snakes head
He said they were after him
The guy that got bricks in his pockets tho? London I think 🤔
Didn’t pay a $250k loan
(We now have an undercover cop living here cuz it’s so safe)
Oh thanks for that. I’d be so grateful if I knew how to edit/fix my blog. Without having to spend $500 minimum to start over with a new blog.
But I’m glad you’re still here.
Sometimes I feel I lost my touch, that I won’t get back what I had before.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose.
And how Bruce Willis (an actor if you don’t know) “recognized his entire family today” because we can’t take our memories with us when we die.
And I’m fighting so hard to hang on to a life that in two year, perhaps, I won’t remember the war I fought in.
I won’t remember we’re in a 6th mass extinction – and white people are being systematically exterminated.
I’m in the center of society watching its own extinction.
I woke up crying bleeding between my legs and poetry piling on the tongue.
And this little poem was born.
They say focus on what makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).
Writing makes me happy. Or content.
Even if the context is more volcanic.
I quit therapy. Maybe I’ll discuss in another thread.
Maybe I should pay the happiness engineers $500 to have AI build me a website but didn’t we once buy software for $50 to do that? Furthermore, they want a business plan to run it???
Cuz simply upgrading to “no ads” and “use my own domain” so my readers can visit worryfree isn’t enough, on the personal plan I can’t hire WordPress to use AI to create me a website nor am I allowed to “chat support”. That’s a different paid plan. 👎👎
They can’t even fix my current issue and I sent screenshots.
They absolutely could fix it, with the flip of a switch.
Like breathing to them.
THEY’RE GONNA BURN IN HELL.
Went through everything I owned. Took inventory. Still have stuff sprawled out. Need organizers and hangers. And some other minor things.
But now I get to fixate on something else now.
The closet is full. As planned.
And the pantry, fridge, and freezer.
I’m quarantining for a long while – no family get together for me this season. I have offered to mail out cards tho.
Postscript: I broke down and renewed my medical card. Instant approval. Ordered my goods online, they called immediately letting me know my script was expired. I have an appointment in the morning with the good doc and she said, “okay, will go ahead and fill it”
Haven’t smoked since May and come tomorrow I’m gonna be on the moon.
They had cartridges for $18. *sigh*
I thought it would takes weeks or more before I could smoke again.
Nope. Less than 24 hours. 🎃
Maybe I’ll start writing again and going to the beach.
I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.
I hate how I treated you.
Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.
I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.
They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.
People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.
It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.
Helps.
You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.
Would you write my obituary? And lay to rest all the sins I carry? For to sadness I am married And our love it should be buried
They come They go It’s my fault though Status too low Weep like willow
You’re always on the run Never stop running You’re never having fun Complain the sun is sunning
I’ve never had anything, and now I’ve got too much. And I could lose it anytime, that’s always been my luck.
I’m sorry but I’m not I said what I thought Feelings come and go Sometimes I take a shot No matter lesson told I say it on the spot You know I can be cold
People already think so lowly of me, I can’t get anymore low.
But it’s easy to judge when your grass is always green.
I’ve been on this earth unmarried for eons, it’s literally hell.
I like being naughty sometimes but I never was that naughty.
We’re literally born nude and we can’t take our clothing to heaven.
I miss doing spicy photography.
I don’t know what to tell you
I just wish I was already moved.
But I’m holding out for land instead of spending uppers of $6k to jump apartment’s.
I am overdue a new environment.
It’s hard to be inspired and motivated in a place I can’t stand.
I’ve only ever posted nude photos, never compromised myself by doing anything other than photography. Though many requests came in with $$$ offerings and I ran folks off.
I have some very cute outfits and have been working out despite growing old.
95% of my household items are gone. Either sold, donated or dumped.
Things are in boxes minus my closet.
I still sleep on the floor.
So think what you will of me, but I miss my tribe.
My accounts were active and I had a lot of traffic.
Now everything is stagnant.
I’m tired of stagnation.
I don’t see anything wrong with nude art.
It teaches me how to be a woman, something man has failed at doing.
But they gave me my username back, and that makes me feel better. 😘
I’m terrible with secrets.
I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I don’t want to be here.
I’m barely holding on in breath or words The spaces where we fell I’m never sure Apologies are song in flight that carry with the birds And longing comes on full moon where the clouds they will obscure
Like all of the dirt was swept under the rug And tongue twisted lies were a shadow of smug For the pressure of meaning was soft like a quilt But the weight of the wrong was as heavy as guilt
And we speak in code like our lives are a riddle But the circle of destiny is not in the middle And try as we might the cross has been hung But only regret can measure our tongue
Please pick up a feather and write me a letter Please open your eyes and bring us sunrise Please do right a wrong and don’t take very long Please deliver fall and give me a call
So this guy turned 12 on Saturday. Mostly a good boy. He hates the neighborhood and I don’t blame him one bit. There’s nothing to like. We wanna move. He’s trying to make it to 13. And despite the ups and downs, I didn’t give up on him. Tribulations.
I contacted my mom on my birthday. She was happy to hear from me. She said she loved me but I never said it back.
Just wanted her to know I made it to 45.
She also kept bringing up my sister who died and I also never responded about her.
She wants to see me so I might be getting a visitor this year.
Maybe.
P.S. I’m obsessed with Pinko blazers and clothing and getting a new wardrobe. Never wore a blazer in my life and now I got a weeks worth. Even got a Beetlejuice looking one. Cuz.
I may or may not share my new wardrobe at some point. Doing it for me and no one else. Not dressing for views. But it kills the blues (shopping).
People want me posting more but it’s so much work and I can’t break 300 views.
I think I’m just exhausted in all areas of life and would rather sit outside. It’s hard for me to connect.
I’m literally dead inside.
No empathy, no sympathy.
Pissed off at the world.
Just talk to God mostly. Cry. Pray. Regret. And then practice gratitude.
I am grateful for my closet.
For owning clothing I wanna wear.
But I don’t wanna go anywhere.
Time to just be dressy cuz.
“What’s the occasion?”
“We’re in hell and I’m alive….”
Can’t take nothing with me to heaven.
Would be 10x happier if I moved somewhere the mold wasn’t killing me.
There’s something in my life that I’m still lacking And during full moon hear the devil laughing But maybe it’s just sorrow Weeping louder than tomorrow Still I cannot grasp the destiny I’m mapping
But maybe that’s the fallacy of trying I know that failures never gratifying You fall from roof Then chip a tooth And laughter sounds the same as bitter crying
So I got my little stand put together and my TV set up to be spied on. I’m still awaiting my PS5 impatiently.
I want a big stretch out lay down bean bag. Not a couch. Something like this.
Apparently people have a couch AND these.
I want the dessert first tho.
Wanna stretch out on a giant cushion to watch a movie or play a game.
Also, I’m sick of all the narcissism in society.
I don’t believe Hawaii burning was an accident.
We are under attack, one malicious attempt after another.
You voted for this.
I no longer think voting right will accomplish anything.
Gen X are the only ones capable of fixing this mess, and we’re tired.
We’ve been ghosted from society and trashed on by every demon in the world.
Millennials are still sucking on their mothers tit, Gen Z don’t know which sex they are, Boomers are responsible for the end of society.
I do not “love thy neighbor” in any capacity or form.
All I see are demons.
The immigrants do not have our best interest, they do have our best jobs.
Yellow fever is a condition in which man is cursed.
They are under a spell they don’t want broken.
Porn activates the primal side of the brain. They get off on killing. They get off on ruining good people. Over 51% want love with a prostitute. It’s been made legal in Nevada. More murder will happen.
In college, I learned subliminal messaging was used at the grocery stores (should be illegal).
Imagine what they are putting into porn.
“We don’t know why he would do such a thing”.
STOP LYING
PORN has ruined mankind.
I’m learning to set boundaries and ghost people too.
Nothing is as before The sun ain’t yellow The way people plead And bust down every door But they don’t bleed When they bellow They just unravel And yell at me Offer poisoned apple That I don’t need Still I’m under cover Collecting seed
P.S. I finally stopped losing weight and gained weight and am now 120 pounds (still size small)
Women look at me with contempt often. I guess they need someone to blame. I had a basketful of treats and doughnuts 🍩 while ordering a footlong sub at Publix and could feel their eyes burning me. I tell no lies. They were not happy with me at all. Or were projecting their own unhappiness. Either way, I’m still fitness rebounding and plan to include skating before I die (hopefully not soon). Have been going on more walks with my dog too. Don’t let them lie to you and say “10,000 steps don’t count”. My motto when rebounding for a minimum of 10 minutes is “every step counts”. Cuz even if you can only take one, eventually it will be 3 and 5. So keep going, keep moving. Spiral out. 🌀
I’m upgrading my rebounder soon.
Still waiting on the ps5 notification of “ready for pickup”.
Cake is in the future, but right now it’s candy bars, doughnuts, brownie bits, and muffins. Don’t judge me.
Cuz there were 5 staring me down while ordering food.
Like chill yo. I’m famished and dreaming of sweet treats.
I don’t want it to be my downfall cuz junk food is junk food.
It’s terrible for me. I’m gonna learn to make my own sweet treats to satisfy the cravings.
Anyhoo
P.S.S. Me and him (him and I) are so in sync, that I managed to order the exact tv stand as him, same color.
I even made a second trip to Walmart to find a stand, which they didn’t have one for my size. So reluctantly got back on Amazon and did a search and read through many reviews and fought with myself on color, and slept on it, then ordered.
Sent him a text of what I got (cuz) and he responded with a picture of his entertainment area. Same fucking one.
SAME ONE
He also ordered some shit that I got mad at him about but once it arrived said he was gonna return it (so glad)
He imprinted on me in my twenties and I had a dream about him as a child.
He’s a nihilist and most days I hold him in contempt
But I ain’t returning my TV stand just cuz it happens to be the same as his.
Maybe the algorithm is to blame.
AI is always watching
If we discuss a name via text message, TikTok will show me loads of content of shit I don’t wanna see
And I yell at him for it
We had not discussed tv stands tho
I just like to show him things I buy
And yell at him for things he buys
(Like random hotel rooms by “accident”)
“I didn’t realize I reserved a room” kind of shit
Or buying flags of another country cuz he’s a traitor with yellow fever but pretends he don’t know what I mean…
I’m a fucking oracle
I know everything but in fractal formation so nothing at all
AI did not decide on the TV stand I wanted
I even drove places hunting one down
The one I decided on came in many colors, but somehow I got THE EXACT one as his.
He’s probably my twin flame
Something weird is going on….
Tis all
I also ordered this bat wing purse thing and wallet – cuz I’m gothed out in pink these days (and my obsession was before the Barbie propaganda bullshit). I probably will stop spending money soon. I have nearly everything I need.
TikTok made me buy it. Check out Wicked Misfit for cool accessories. This is my 2nd purchase from them. Recommend.
Except a playstation membership and headset for social hours.
*sigh*
Anyone wanna gift me? 🤪
P.S.S. setting up the modem soon. Gonna be utilizing the living room again. Eating at the dinner table now instead of my bed. Adding more routine to my routine.
People miss me going live too, and now that I’m regaining weight instead of losing, I kinda wanna…
Dr. Peterson says you need routine – and there’s only so much cleaning and cooking I can do.
And my life is still disorganized after letting 95% of my belongings go
I am absolutely invested emotionally in this lost submarine
So poetry…
All the money in the world won’t save them And there’s banging from the deep, there’s mayhem All the prayers for them now, feel like a sunken gem Who do we fault, who do we condemn?
“It has one button, that’s it” Says the narcissist
5 are dead or dying While some are crying Other’s are denying Trouble underlying
Remote Like our love A breach in hull Shipwrecked is soul
Crushed is hope But do you know the scope An uncertified submarine Nightmare or dream?
Dark waters turn crimson But no one will listen When you hear the cries The thunder in the skies The dead have gone missing They were on a mission Straight to extinction Race against affliction
It’s a dead giveaway You’re going to die today
Sorrows sorrows prayers The state of affairs Endless nightmares Electric chairs Tell me someone cares
You need to leave but you’re not free to go The cop combo
Never get on the bad side of a good girl You will see her form Like hail in storm She ain’t lukewarm
I need to focus on the gains And not the mishaps Sometimes I think I’ve gone insane But no one gives a crap
He’s like driving on a floating road And I ain’t going slow
He’s like riding in a truck without breaks That’s the speed it takes
Walking in the underground I’m a ghost and he is the crowd
“Loose lips Sink ships”
It’s unfortunate The people who need help Can’t be helped
It’s always the same color crayon The same con The Devil’s spawn Hanging on my lawn So they get a yawn Wish they’d move on Back to Babylon Where they’re coming from Fucking hate them all
I wish I had no father Why even bother Poison like still water I wish I had more honor
Why does the sun Travel in a straight line Like your lines From pen to mind
He hits on his own reflection He’s gaslighting every direction He says he loves with affection He’s in love with his own perfection
Some need more than one chance To change the circumstance Don’t want the last dance
Michael Leavitt deserves to crawl into a hole he can’t get out of As below, so above
I’m just barely existing Time is ticking Grave persisting Death resisting
I don’t want realistic Fuck sadistic I’m humanistic Ain’t optimistic
I must be dead inside Soul paralyzed Know not to cry
She’s not me Still do I slide into her clothes Like midnight over moon I am all And I am none
I start the trends I rarely follow I live in pretense Hard pills to swallow
Til death do us part We ain’t got the heart Black and full of rot We’re both distraught No grave for plot
I don’t get the physics Or why he never visits Says it ain’t my business Why he acts suspicious
Why are you under my teeth? Beneath my seams? Between my dreams? Light like moonbeams?
Time moves slower in the cold His heart is indigo Take me where blue blood will flow His undertow The place I grow
He steals the sun and turns it into limelight His pen will give me frostbite
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
Demons look like humans Cheaters look like keepers Users look like friends Children look like men Do not attempt To understand
I haven’t been able to sleep and my entire FYP is the lost submarine
I actually hope and pray they are found. It would be nothing short of a miracle. However, they sent two subs down (unmanned presumably) that got crushed at 6000 ish meters
I had a comment get over 1600 likes – and got annoyed with all the notifications – so deleted it
I commented a teenager shouldn’t be on board, many said he was 19
I replied NINETEEN – TEEN
And still – they denied
Had to block – got annoyed
I wish we could mute comment notifications but naw
So delete – it just wouldn’t stop getting likes or comments
I’m an introvert I suppose
Sidenote
Apparently the CEO was in a lot of trouble and he was a good gaslighter and salesman to convince those people to die with him – I don’t think a teenager (yes nineteen is still a teen) should be allowed on an experimental submarine dive 12,500 feet below the sea. It doesn’t matter what fancy title you give them.
That CEO stated over and over that sub was entirely safe, “if this goes… “safe”, if that goes… “safe” but sign this waiver
Look, I signed a waiver getting that motherfucking vaccine and I will never trust another doctor or nurse again – I was asking all the right questions but I was gaslit, gullible, and lied to
And even tho the first vaccine fucked me up, I crawled further in the hole, just like our dear John Jones…
It nearly killed me and I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
I cannot stress this enough, adrenaline spikes to the heart is a no-go
I workout but not to the extreme
I fucking ran through the Dollar 25 tree with 2 gallons of spring water and it was a no no and that was recently
I was in my car going, “it’s okay we’re safe now, I won’t do that again”
So I can run and jog but not with added weights
It’s ridiculous but if you knew how far I’ve crawled – to get better, you might be a tiny bit proud
I’m feeling stronger but can’t do adrenaline spikes at all…
And I’m only 108 pounds
I also have to be careful with extreme temperatures, the hot and cold
I’m like Goldie Locks, need everything just right…
I’m not out of the dark yet and may never be…
The light is so much more powerful than the dark
Also, they stated you wouldn’t be able to hear banging that deep down – something about sound not traveling through the cold
I find that interesting
Isn’t space cold?
I hope God can hear my screams…
I do feel bad about them being stuck at the bottom of the sea
Maybe they didn’t explode
Maybe they made up the banging to keep the search ongoing and the $$$$ flowing
A fast death seemed a little less cruel than suffocating in the dark and cold in a sealed up tuna can
Where you can’t even stand…
Or hyperventilate
With only a sandwich and bottle of water
The one window was plexiglass
A freaking fish tank
You couldn’t pay me a million to get bolted in that tin
I need to get back to my FYP and I feel less guilty about buying clothes now – that’s a much better decision than sinking to the bottom of the sea to explore a graveyard
But I was fucking stupid for getting that 2nd vaccine
I’m learning to forgive myself for a lot of things
I have been dying a slow and painful death
And there are people on my black list
Lucky buying clothes is all I’m planning to do…
LUCKY
Cuz the daydreams are filled with revenge tenfold
I promise when I’m feeling better than dead I will post some of my cute clothing
Mostly dressing comfy for now…
And appreciative I have a floor to sleep on
My sister died of Covid age 45
I don’t want to die…
But everything is actively trying to kill me
The water, the food, the air, it’s all been poisoned
Why does light travel in a straight line? Why does something round move straight? I haz questions.
Free speech below be warned
The way John Jones died keeps me awake at night.
Maybe get some land in Utah. Do a low crawl. Whip out the hacksaw. Call me an outlaw.
I’m still breaking out in hives. I did a 30 day raw ginger detox and hit it TOO hard. I’m not a sweater but first shot broke out in sweats. Kept going tho.
Nearly fell asleep last night until the consequences of John’s action really settled in.
Must be the worst way to go.
He didn’t even wanna be there. Just thought he could show off a little. He was wanting to eat some Turkey. Or maybe dressing.
I’m not gonna be able to rest until somebody pulls him out of that hole.
Recovery mission.
Use a robot, I don’t care!
Get him out of there!
Cuz I don’t learn my lessons well either.
2nd week felt nauseous after every shot and by the third, hives.
Guess I’m preparing myself for the end
I really really don’t want a traumatic ending
My whole life has been a tragedy
So Cracker Barrel has a cancer warning on their website that eating their food will expose you to bad stuff
And when you click on more info, it won’t tell you exactly which foods
This is what happens when other countries rule us and the Great Race war theory is reality
Check the fucking CENSUS
Reports say certain Chinese Americans (how they prefer) identify as “the new white”. They even get common names like John or Michael.
Certain Mexicans also identify as “the new white”
And BLM is up 230%
I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t stay here
Land is cheap near Yellow Stone
Pros: cheap
Cons: near volcano
People have been boiled alive at the acidic hot springs
They are my favorite natural wonder and the one’s I fear the most
Always wanted to visit but have this feeling it would pop
Many scientists and people have died from volcanic eruptions randomly
I would have been driven mad living with demons inside a cave
Who constantly gaslight
I don’t know if I believe in reincarnation but sometimes I feel like I’m still learning a lesson from 6000 years ago
China needs to take a chill pill
Most of us are fairly fed up
Eating raw salad today
Maybe just need to stick to a raw diet forevermore
Fucking sick of dying a slow tormentious!?! death
You ever be drifting off to sleep until something bad makes your eyelids pop wide?
For me, last night, it was JJ.
I need an old typewriter
I probably could just use pen and paper again
Ink sucks these days
I hate AI
I’m always writing from my phone
One little tap at a time
Constantly correcting the algorithm
It likes to not space
It likes to change words on me
I’m basically sick of the narcissism which is a plague
But any article you read will state, “narcissism is rare”
Believe none of what you read and less of what you see
He was suppose to take the one that had claw marks all above
But he probably was dared or gaslit to go in the wrong one
It was 9pm at night
He should have been in bed
His wife re-married 3 years later
I ain’t been married once
Some people have it too easy
China has the most ridiculous dictator’s who are nihilistic and their own policies have made it hard for them to recover as a whole due to the “one child law” and I hope they fall but they are stealing white man’s identity with malicious intent and purpose and American names…
I’m allowed to be angy….
I’m sick of being micromanaged
And poisoned
Got some more rhyme incoming but freestyled this as soon as I opened my eyes
Couldn’t even brush my teeth first – already rhyming
Brain still foggy
When I was 16, I would break out in hives every night because of the stressors
For several months, I had to take Benadryl at bedtime
I was even put in a rehab against my will for a month solid, wasn’t able to communicate with boys, had to do stupid meetings
Escaped the insane asylum so many times they had to re-write the rules every time
Sometimes locked myself in my room and refused to come out, using my body and feet against the walls to stop them from breaking in
Demanded air time (fresh air) cuz I was on suicide watch most of the time, not allowed to go outside, not allowed to shave my legs
Broke out in hives every fucking night there
Left the leader tho…
Eventually I was released
My parents were the only ones to not show for the final week to do therapy
It was clear who the fucking problem was and why I was breaking out in hives
I wasn’t supposed to be there
The same John wasn’t supposed to be in that hole
“There are things that happened down there that will never be disclosed”
Yeah like what though?
I can still remember the name of the boy I sat next to in 2nd grade
We made up a game
We’d draw little maps of roads and the other would hold the pencil while the other held the paper to “drive”
We did this quietly and after assignments were done
And every time the teacher re-arranged where students sat, we were allowed to still sit next to one another
Cuz we both got angry and probably refused to do assignments lol
I went skating a lot back then
And even at 16, had rollerblades and would go street blading for hours
I bought me a brand new pair of skates at Christmas, but still haven’t been 😦
So I really hope I change that soon
I know I have a valid excuse “dying” but damn
One day we won’t be able to do the things we want, even if we wanted
I don’t want that day to sneak up on me
It’s like I’m still stuck in a hole I can’t crawl out
And no one’s coming to save me
We have to save ourselves
But God does listen
And prayers do come true
Sometimes
Within reason
Or it’s just l-u-c-k (labor under controlled knowledge)
But I still believe in God
And I don’t know how I survived my teenage years
The quarries, the 50 foot bridge jumps, the standing in front of trains
I didn’t press Enter I pressed Return So the Devil will linger Like he has concern
I’m a recovering passive nihilist I’m always acting childish Just ask my stylist Fired for being biased We’re not an alliance Fall dead to silence But I’m full of violence Underrated and defiant Won’t find me quiet
In an alternate universe I didn’t jump soon enough Guess the train caught my bluff My friends had already given up
Stick a needle in his eye Listen to his fake cry Pooling from his alibi Set a spell so he may die
The water smells like chlorine I bet he thinks I’m boring I guess I’ve lost count scoring The hate is over pouring
The devil loves my bitterness Right now I am rigorous It makes not a difference Heading for the wilderness
We’re the worst crash That never happened Like lightning flash But we’re still laughing?
The feeling of imminent death Took the wrong step Made a wrong left Death is terrifying He knows I ain’t lying
Pretty toes Because the highs are lows And colored rose I’ve changed tempos Searching the afterglow
*sigh* despite having video downloads off, found my best viral TikTok video posted by another on YouTube (he did credit me – but where’s my $$$ for it going viral on YT) (fuck you)
Society is a scam.
Poem inspired by a scammer scamming a scammer
Why does it aggravate me so much when people copy me? Because I’m Gen X? And we’re the only generation who are individuals? Yes? No? Maybe?
He takes my ideas And turns them into grandiose amusement thrills He steals The yellow daffodils He’s got too many skills Landslides and foothills Rotting thrones Where he fucking kills
Pop up artist in Oklahoma Has no damn diploma Divorced him in a coma But darling she’s a cold one
Unreal omens Roaming like the Romans My blood is spoken One spell never broken Couldn’t love them both then?
We’re nearly dressed alike Turn down the turnpike Let’s go for a hike Heard from hope tonight
Maybe it was harder than I thought it would be Humility
He likes my tiny – My tiny tiny heart Nicknamed sunshiny His counterpart
The big girls keep yelling that I’m small / I fear he can’t see me at all
Like a volcano about to erupt I’m running amuck Let me be abrupt This government is corrupt!
Everything he writes Is about him me you us Combined in a trust Locked without fuss
To put her mind at ease, he lied With spear in side Not Judascide Cat caught the mouse Lie tied to mouth Not big the trap
Are you burning down cities? Running from the guilty? Like a modern viking gypsy? Do you fancy life more risky? Got a shot a whiskey?
AWOL / never ordered you to leave
I’m 1600 miles away from hope No room for boat Get your telescope Walking a tightrope
Has karma grabbed your foot? Think you’re off the hook? Think steps I mistook? Ban me like a crook?
I’m a fucking primate Gotta lot on my plate
You make life misery You take all liberty
I clean but make a bigger mess / to God I confess
It’s like he’s observing a galaxy from 4 billion years ago – The girl he used to know Does he see how much I’ve grown?
Adventure is more reliable than happiness Said once a therapist?
You’re a deceitful mess I learned from the best
Dear Necromancer, Nothing is not the answer Let God be the anchor And Earth, don’t forget to thank her
The nervous thumb twitch Like broke then too rich Got called a dumb bitch Might wind up in a ditch
Your new life will cost you your old one Just waiting for the dog to be done
There’s something super familiar about all these incidents Just can’t place my feather on it
He works in 12 hour shifts Might hear from him In a dozen years
Could you mumble in monotone some more / you’re a zombie chewing on my bored
I wonder where you are on my follower list Someone I’ll surely miss? Connection with a twist? Or maybe you don’t exist?
Got knocked down Lost my place Scattered humility Eclipsed across my face Nearly lost my soul Now taking second place
He doesn’t understand I don’t have love for him I don’t have love for much I don’t have love for them
He comes on like rain Smell of petrichor Bet I love it more
I know you think I’m boring Map me like you’re exploring Tell you stories that got you snoring I know who you’re ignoring
He’s so bizarre Drive fast in my car Foot on the throttle He thinks I’m odd
We are distributed across billions of light years of space That’s the love it takes That’s why our heart aches Unlimited weight We’re at infinities gate Heaven will not wait
Nitrogen narcosis Dead roses Lost hope like Moses Wandering desert hopeless Some nights we’re frozen Like unfocused locust We’re losing focus Gave God diagnosis Humanity atrocious I guess this is us? The depths that we cross? Tell God all is lost?
Maybe you can access my domain and maybe you can’t.
Listen, I am the Great Anomaly. But maybe not the only.
244.
I’ve reached out to the Happiness engineers – but I’m never really happy (it’s likely also their fault why I never set up the contact page and things because I get stuck on a step and all hell breaks loose)
I’m drinking ginger currently – it’s spicy
All my clothing from Dolls Kill is fitting – and I’m feeling super cute in said clothes –
My OF ID is poeeternal77 I believe
I deleted my TikTok again – maybe for a day, maybe an hour, maybe a month
Gotta keep em guessing
I don’t pay attention to the hits incoming
I just hit delete notification and uninstall
I hope TikTok gets banned
And Instagram
And PayPal sold your identity out TWICE and then had the audacity to list you as my first contact
We’ve never communicated there
It was an anonymous thang
And like X amount of years later – first contact
I almost paid you back
But I deleted my account instead because I’m fucking psycho
And got tired of the outting and the spam emails
And then the cashapp was mutiliated – not long before Bob was
I don’t know how to spell the word and there is no other suggestion
MUTILATED mutilated
Oh well now I got it
Whatever
Fuck it
“Honey, I’m trying to spell something I know I can spell but can’t”
My mother once said watching TV with the subtitles on “is annoying” (which I need) (it’s not about the volume either)
So I no longer own a TV
My therapist says I’m polarized but the two weren’t related
Just an observation – she’s a cunt
(The Boomer mom)
My last words to her were a text message on Valentine’s circa 2017 (maybe) stating I hope she has a painful death and whatever it is couldn’t be near the pain and suffering she has caused me
And I blocked her and never looked back
Then last year my sister died
And I didn’t go say byeeee to her in the hospital
The Boomer mom will be rolling in her grave – if she ever dies
I wonder often these days should I contact the blood folks
My real father wants to know “if I’m happy”
His sister got her head bit off for reaching out to me
I ghosted my father when I was ten
People say you can’t hate your parents – so then I researched and realized that you could – not only hate your parents – but an entire generation
The Boomers
Who hold most of House
Once people die, there’s literally zero reason to hold onto a grudge
I can’t fix my dead sister and she was a psychopath so death was the only relief
“I think I might drop Cain / like Cain dropped Abel”
Because he was a fucking psychopath
She needed an exorcism and even that might not have saved her
It’s not my job to save you
You gotta save yourself down here
Stop being an asshole
I was gonna drop more poetry but I don’t have anything to type from
The phone can’t even type the letters I press
I got a hacker from India inside my phone
My modem was destroyed
I’m not hitting backspace for letters to disappear
I hate autofill – it pops up but changes to a different word
I spend more time correcting than I do writing
I don’t care if I misspell anymore!
It’s the algo, not me!
More poetry coming soon
P.S. these immigrants don’t care about you. They have invaded our borders and way of life. Stay protected! Your life matters! They are attacking females especially and doing so unprovoked! It’s seems to nearly always be a black person attacking. Black lives matter. White lives don’t. Check the CENSUS, it’s not how they are reporting. And not gossip sites but research shows many Chinese Americans and Mexican’s identify as “the new white”.
CONCERNING
Just gonna erase history huh
Wipe us out, take over
The Great Race war is real
I’m brown and white and not dissing my own race to put up another race – slavery started in Africa and is still going on in Africa and not one white person owns a slave – but black people do
White slavery exists and started with a black person owning a white woman and they condition and break us all!!! They hate us!!!!!
I do not hate white people and I’m tired of the slander against us
No one in my bloodline ever owned a slave
Take money from me for it and there will be consequence
PoeEternal 