Posted on by poeeternal

Free Love

Why do we decide choices in forever?
Attaching regret to eternity?

I was hoping next to never
Can you make that guarantee?

© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal

Would you know that Trent Reznor was never going to get married either and now he’s on like baby number 5 with MariQueen- I mean they have not stopped to take a fucking break.

I need some passion

*dies on street*

Rest easy my love

I’m not happy in my cage of loneliness. But I’m also just fed up with cheap sex, head games, and gaslighting.

I may very well be the last living creature who embodies the true free love spirit.

Ya me

*dies*

I’ve been searching for truth / and I haven’t been getting anywhere 🎵🎶🎵

Just didn’t want my love to be some sort of anchor that sinks your ship…

Mine has a few patched holes and may sink but you’re welcome to hop on board. It’s not a ship. More like some trash floating in the ocean I found to keep from drowning.

If you want some life advice?

You don’t have to live with your choices forever. And you don’t need to make new permanent ones.

You don’t actually have to sink with your ship and it’s okay to save yourself.

People grow and people change and they grow stagnant in their relationships and complacent and that’s why the love dies. You have to work at keeping the love alive and people aren’t really capable of doing that, some people are, some people have mastered it.

Love is a garden you gotta continue to water.

Stuff doesn’t make you happy.

Love is all you need?

I would really like a chance to find out. 😏

I’ve literally never been loved. By anyone. Or anything.

But hey, I recognize you. Or sorrow.

If I’m just some fling thrill ride, you don’t gotta cut my fins when you are done do you?

Can you be the one guy on Earth who doesn’t hurt me? And on purpose? Because you’re bored? Or soulless and evil?

I’m trying to find a safe place.

If you’re hurting, I’m sorry. I hope you find resolution. And peace.

You deserve happiness. Love. Fireworks. All the things.

*tosses life jacket in water* you can have mine

I didn’t have anything worth living for anyway…

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

The Great Expanse

How will you remember me when I’m 13 billion light-years from you?
Look at all the darkness I’m peering through.
Now the light is fleeing too.
The great expanse of all you do.

© Delia Ross. 2020

The pandemic is getting worse. So too my depression, hopelessness, anxiety, isolation, paranoia. Got the psyche on redial. Just gonna keep writing. Dying. Feel every fucking second like a cross.

😑

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

Wanderers

How does he manage to find me in his thoughts?
But then it makes me wonder how many dreams he has to cross?
When burning down his bridges does he ever feel a loss?
And when he’s out there wandering, is it me he’ll come across?

How many deserts will it take him to push me in Earth’s past?
But then it makes me wonder how long it ever lasts?
Been cutting ties so long our dreams have come to pass?
And I swore I heard hope’s echo but it flew by life too fast…

©Delia Ross. 2020 / @poeeternal

How many bridges will you burn to keep my dreams from you? And will you ever learn, I’ll still find you when you do? Is that why you’ll likely, leave a clue or two? And when I’ve disappeared, does it leave you feeling blue?

Rhyme was a skill I picked up as a little girl to help battle me woes. And so it goes…

Survival skills. But also the art of language. Afflictions. Secret messages to my love? Poetry is code. Vibrations. Another form of energy. A path for my hope to flow.

“No hope = no fear”

PostScript. I’m not really here. I’m not really there. I’m not really anywhere.

But my last breath will be a half-written rhyme. Maybe in blood. Give it time.

LinkTree= the universe you’ll find me

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Signs

There are signs posted with moss covering
Empty bottles where the devil is recovering
Dirty feathers all around in piles cluttering
And care is a word I hear you keep uttering

There are scabs where blood is spluttering
No cover for my mouth we are discovering
Though secrets are a map I’m not uncovering
And love is the only thing left hovering

© Delia Ross. 2020

I don’t know why he hasn’t let me drown. He needs to push me to the bottom of the ocean.
Something about caring?
I iz monster. 😭 How to stop the need?

I iz bad. Past my expiration date? Losing me mind. One moment at a time.

DEPRESSION AWARENESS

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

The Lie

The lie it grew and grew and grew
I knew
I fell from heaven on the truth
Got stuck like glue
On every lie because of you
Oh, it hurts so much too
From empty bottle to fully blue
Hell mistook me for a fool

Your prayer dropped a clue
You envy youth
Now away it flew
Leaving you with tooth
How they accrue
Still every mask I cut through
It’s time I withdrew

© Delia Ross. 2020

Spent the night soiling the earth with tears begging the almighty to let me see what I need so I could be free. Didn’t understand the lesson that be. Crying to God, you can lead a demon to holy water, but you cannot make him drink!!!

Nearly drowning from all that makes me bleed. Suffocating on the very air that we breathe. He gave me new eyes to see. Your soul is empty. God cut me free (now whose lying).

The truth hurts worse than the lie
Telling lies to myself. That’s not you. It’s someone else. It’s his brother. I’m crazy! Seeing what I wanna! I seem to like you no matter who you are. Which makes me not like you very much!! 😭😰😭
I wish I could believe my own lie when I say I don’t love you.
The truth hurts worse than the lie.
Oh, God forgive me! I still love you, I do! 💔
Cursed like Mina Tepes to always love you. 💔

Sidenote: I’ve been in some sort of weird rhyme scheme where I limit my vocabulary even more than I normally do when rhyming. I don’t rhyme just to rhyme, that’s where people fall flat. There’s probably a name for what I’m doing but brain damage. Losing my mind. I see way more than I want to see with my third eye and I’ve never been so fucking depressed or lonely in my life and it’s not that I don’t like my own company because I do – that’s why I’m isolated. I’m growing ever more suicidal and out of fucks to give. But doing the rhyme scheme like I did above, that shit is hard, yo.

I was also at a place where I was worried about using the same words that I had already used before and then I decided to just let that go.

I’ll probably be jumping off the Eiffel fucking Tower reciting some last words you know. Eh. CR CR CRAZZZY out of fucks to give.

Words are the only thing left holding me together.

Oh, you thought that was just a line?

The only thing I’m staying alive for at this point is the Matrix 4. And maybe another hug from Gavin Rossdale cuz he’s like my fountain of youth. I sniffed his neck once, I’m so fucking weird!!!! I think I wanted a bite 😩

I’m sure he’d like that but not while he’s singing to thousands of people!

Then again, this is me. I could get away with murder just with my smile. 😊

I am 1000% insane crazy because I’m literally in love with dracul even tho he’s a fucking monster. Rip my fucking heart out. At least Mina got laid!!!!! She died by suicide, FYI!!!

SHE WAS REAL!!!! *laughs insanely*

Dracul is still very much feared in his land. I wanted to get married in Transylvania or there about.

Love isn’t real, is it? You never really loved me.

*dives off tower*

My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 11 Comments

Flight

If only reason would pour itself over me the way your rains will do
The way your skies are blue
Calling me for a flight or two
I love you

© Delia Ross. 2020

I can’t get him to block me back no matter what I do. I don’t purposely seek out rubble, it’s just sometimes a huge chunk breaks off me like a boulder and starts rolling down and crushing anyone in his path. And as I’m tumbling down the hole of despair, he’s still there. Picking up all the little pebbles and tucking them right into his heart.

So yeah, I found another way to scream I’M DROWNING, while in a spiral downward. I clawed him all the way down, too. Landed right back by his side in pieces.

I’m staring up from down below. Wondering how many times I have to start again. As his rope begins to descend. Was that not my end?

This is why poetry exists. Edgar Allan Poe lost the love of his life and literally died in the street and I have some of his previously, unpublished words he wrote for her tattooed on my ribcage.

Edgar Allan Poe and the words he wrote his true love after she died. And then he died. In the fucking street. Naked!!! At only age 40! 😭
Older photo of my Edgar Poe tat when it was healing “My love is lying” me too Poe!! But in a different way!! “I must weep alone” same same!!! 😭

So what does all this mean?

I’m having difficulty living without him and don’t want to die in the street?

I’d like more tats. They were getting super strict about tattoos in the military. But now that I’m out, I can work on getting some visible tattoos once the Jeep is paid off (on my last 2 payments). Everything cost the moneys I don’t have. Join my Patreon! 🙏

I need better photos of my Edgar Allan Poe tattoo and I also want to get some flowers around my hip and the poem.

Me no likey pains. Me wants pleasures. Take away me pain.

Real body, real person, real scars. I don’t want to remove my sex organs for plastic. Get over it. I’ve made it to age 42 without a single gray hair. ACCOMPLISHMENT. CHECKMATE. (someone has requested for me to get on the onlyfans but if you don’t mind the fact that I have a real body, I’m going to be starting a new nude cosplay tier on my Patreon 2021 (potentially). I’m not a model. I’m just yer average gal in a petite body trying to do extraordinary things. I have done’s. (I’ve had many guys body-shame me over the years for not having fake boobs or fake tans, nails, and hair for that matter). I guess I’m supposed to be this bombshell pornstar 24/7 which is not what I am at all. They weren’t even good lovers. Let alone decent human beings. If I could do my twenties over, I would spend it making less mistakes with man. So now Ima do me for my final decade (and I’d be hella lucky to make it to 50 at the rate my body and mind is disintegrating). Thanks for seeing me and appreciating me while I’m alive.
I’ve never gone pink or bleached my fine silks. Trying to keep my hair growing after I die… I don’t know how Gavin Rossdale would respond if I showed up at a Bush show with pink hair, he already adores the fuck out of me coming to his shows. I get the VIP treatment whether I do VIP or not. 😊

I currently have 3 tats, 1 on my lower back (also another excruciating part of the body due to your nerve endings), ribcage (Poe tat) and upper chest (super easy in comparison to the back and rib). My Edgar Allan Poe tattoo is my largest (and that bad boy is on my ribcage). I’m going to be getting some new tattoos in 2021!!! I mean, like if I don’t die. Which is literally quite easy to do.

I’m starting to get request for the onlyfans. But I don’t want to do any kind of porn acts. I asked them if they’d still be willing or interested if I did classy nude cosplay sometimes with Vampire elements and they said yes and be willing to spend 15 to $20 on that so. That’s good. Good that I’m starting to get requests & price estimates. I even took a screenshot for my self-esteem (of the request). So thank you, because I really want to get into the cosplay and I need some support for that. Costumes, fangs, makeups, gear, equipment. FOOD. GAS to get places. They discovered my Insta! Hope the shadowban’s been lifted!!

I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up (including photography you can use for your own projects)! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally and to keep writing and making art! 

http://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Sterile

You are an ocean sterile of courage
The damage you forage
Using me to build your forest
All my love stowed in your storage
You’re now a florist
An apparition or permanent tourist
Loving you will make one poorest
Overgrown but rarely nourished
Your cold hand is never furnished

© Delia Ross. 2020

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Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Not A Word

There’s nothing that I have when I die that I keep
There’s not a word that he’s written that has not made me weep
Longing comes in floods, I guess we get what we reap
Treading flooding waters drowning where his soul runs deep

© Delia Ross. 2020

Longing for him 24/7

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Between Your Teeth

Those lies lying between your teeth
Lingering among our feet
Like the desperation you seek
Hopeless in the street
At what hour does forgiveness greet
Do our eyes meet?

Tell me the art of affection
Written any direction
A lethal injection
I need your objection
A bridge for connection
A poor life in question

Answer truth do not befool
Life is cruel
So bend a rule
Love this jewel
Keep hands cool
Reserve your fuel

Under trust a sleeping serpent
Midnight hermit
Mourning servant
Lessons learn it
Longing urgent
Fever current

© Delia Ross. 2020

If only I were between your teeth / beneath your feet / instead of those lies

If you dig my creativity and would like to make a donation, you can via my PayPal here: https://www.paypal.me/deliaross

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Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Things In Order

What does the room feel like after I’ve left
Are there tears of joy you’ve finally wept?
Now’s the time to take your breath
Things in order how you kept?

Does the air turn to dust and cold
And hope is breath that turns to mold?
Is the darkness you worship wonder to behold
Do you ever notice you are growing old?

Do you take these poems and place them in the attic
Do you convince yourself I’m only erratic?
Do you tell them all I’m just a fanatic
Or do you admit to yourself you’re a narcissistic addict?

Does the blood in your calloused heart move faster
Is everything you destroy a beautiful disaster?
Is love the only thing in life you can never master
Have you ever given yourself an honest answer?

© Delia Ross. 2020

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Dark Matter

Life is only precious because it is fleeting
It’s a shame you and I won’t be meeting
Some people come into our lives only for leaving
It’s a hard lesson but where I am leaning

You’re all in or all out
There’s no middle ground to talk about
I give you my best, you give me your worst
One minute I’m free, the next I am cursed

Maybe I’m not the one or maybe I am
For what it’s worth now I don’t give a damn
For I am a lion and never a lamb
And the hand you are selling is only a sham

© Delia Ross. 2020

Finally freed my heart from your curse…

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The Dead

I felt him swing from the heavens, into my heart he went
And from the bowels of the netherworld, my soul came to ascent
Our orbits must have collided, I have been feeling him ever since
Collecting more than fraying feathers, I’m not that innocent

Watching him grow cold and devilish, while following his gradual descent
Vision crossing planks of inability, I cannot stop these events
Burning chains on regret, dragging around feet like they are blocks of cement
The weight of consequence in this pit, the dead can still lament

© Delia Ross. 2020

Dreams, no not tonight
Dreams, no not tonight…

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Entropy

There’s something degrading about growing old
Detach myself from the world and you, hit entropy, it’s cold
Onward consequence leaves little to ever behold
Still can’t seem to sever the switch that gives you complete control

© Delia Ross. 2020

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The Signs

The signs all point to hollow
There is no quarter for solitude
There is no pill to change the view
The signs all point to sorrow

The signs all point to narrow
As one by one I’m torn in two
While nothing gets me over you
The signs all stop at follow

© Delia Ross. 2020

6/3/2020
6/3/2020
6/3/2020

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The Answer

He knows the answer but still he will ask, why does the sky cry rain?
Knowing that the clouds carry all our weight and pain.

He ravages the Earth and pierces her with his spear, then asks, what are we doing here?
Feels like our grave. The end was coming anyway, he’ll say.

He says, love has no direction, while spinning in a circle. And he never sets his eyes on her. He’s lost connection. And all of yesterday. It’s just a shame. The answer is always the same.

© Delia Ross. 2020

Fallen angel (self-depiction)
Fallen angel (self-depiction)

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