It was like into a black hole my life was ejected
If pain had been running for presidency, it would have been elected
Now when I’m on my knee the pain feels more infected
Now when I think of you my heart feels more congested
Will you ever tell me why my heart was not accepted?
Will you take all my love and put it in a necklace?
© Delia Ross. 2019
If words had weight
If wrongs had reasons
If wounds didn’t ache
If forgiveness had seasons
If goodbyes came with rainbows
If my love was chose
If only I was enough
If only he’d show up
If hands had healing
If tears had feelings
If life had meaning
If hearts were beating
If moments were real
If love were ideal
If lights were not blinding
If you would stop hiding
If galaxies were moving
If darkness stopped the blooming
If alibis were candy
If heartaches were brandy
© Delia Ross. 2019
If only I knew how to end this fucking heartache…
Come back !!!! WEEKS TURN INTO MONTHS / MONTHS TURN INTO YEARS *falls over in despair*
Come back Come back to me I’ve been waiting here patiently [Repeat] I’ve been walking a thin white line Between love and hate I could use a lil company A lil kindness can go a long way Weeks turn into months Months turn into years Reaching the same conclusions Gathering up the fear Come back Come back to me I’ve been waiting here patiently [Repeat] I’ve been walking a thin white line Between love and hate I could use a little restraint A lil kindness can go a long way Weeks turn into months Months turn into years Reaching the same conclusions Gathering up the fear [Repeat x3] Come back Come back to me I’ve been waiting here patiently Come back Come back to me [Repeat]
Love is the variable
It is incomparable
I’ll stop loving you, just short of forever
Eyes never leave, his eyes on my back
And follow he will, every single track
She cannot turn around, and she knows that
But whether he knows is a different fact
Do the winds of fate ever slow?
Will her dusty eyes ever close?
Does her halo, in this hell, even glow?
She cannot live without him, does he know?
Small footsteps through the chimes of time
Deep footprints, for hers, he would climb
And through the wind he echoes “mine”
And in the dirt she leaves him rhyme
© Delia Ross. 2019
That first stanza, I know *sigh*, I come with mistakes.
My heart feels like iron
The weight of love measured
It sits with an anchor unstirred
In the center of an ever drying desert
My heart feels the gravity of burden
No hope or pill will cure it
The ache laid down its verdict
One heart remained imperfect
© Delia Ross. 2019
Be good and you will be lonely. -Mark Twain
Selfie circa 2012
I struggle with being good because it only brings me loneliness. I thought good women made good men? You know, like a girl bringing out the best in a man, so he could be good for her? I’m seriously giving up. I get zero nurturing in life. I barely receive likes on my post. I feel like the output is greater than the reward. And I don’t want to have to take my clothes off for attention. So I guess I’m just going to die. There’s just not much in life for me anymore. I’m sorry but life is just so tough and when it comes to love there isn’t enough.
I keep a little nightlight turned on inside me called hope
I allow it to guide me when the dark is too blinding
When my knees are turned in and I am unable to cope
When moments are bleak and I require unwinding
It seems these days are darker than most
You say you understand but you don’t
You say you could help but you won’t
And Depression Isle is my favorite coast
Stability, what a fucking current you are
Ability, like a wave, I might get far
Tranquility, is a rather distant star
Humility, is as visible as a scar
You can find a trail of mistakes behind my depression
And their opinions of me you’ll find are open sessions
And the life I am living they’ll act like they can question
And it’s nearly impossible to form any real kind of connections
So I keep a little light turned on in me called hope
And on days of decline I grip it like rope
And it seems every hour I am on a slope
And it’s hard to believe I am alone on this globe
© Delia Ross. 2019
I sail through life on my own
It helps when feeling alone –
To remember we both see the same Moon
Then my loneliness fades to about a teaspoon
My loneliness clumps into bands of dark matter, my heart swelling like a balloon, my molecules ripping and stretching into oblivion, for her shadow is like dark energy, and selfish is the darkness she needs.
If not real, give me fake
Bleed me good, nest in my ache
How can I move on when my heart is where he is.
Untangle the worry
Braid the hope
Insert the key
Climb his rope
I know I’m not her and I know I’ll never be
It still makes me wonder if you ever think about me
The space between us
The distance to Venus
The orbits of loss
Our love was a near miss
I still feel the ripple
It hit me like triple
A vortex of riddle
But our love is simple
Her love comes with maggots
But still he’ll have it
He wants to own it all, without conquering
He doesn’t want me for himself, or anybody else
He doesn’t want me in the arms of another king
He wants to own my heart and not give me a thing
I don’t see how this plan is fair for me
You sit there feasting while I am starving
All the paths I take lead into a different darkness of you
And every skin you shed leaves a different kind of clue
Put on the blind, if you want to take the ride, he demanded
Into a field of doom, I glided
We are born into this world and given a number and if you’re lucky you’ll get a good mother
I’m sorry but life is just so tough and when it comes to love there isn’t enough
My love, my will is infinite
These roads were paved for the misfit
These hands were made to capture it
These feet march on and never quit
My soul for you is completely naked
Under your mirror I will submit
By your side I will commit
With your love I can exist
© Delia Ross. 2019
There’s more but I just can’t bear it…
I wear his absence like a blanket
And when it comes to understanding I fake it
And his cold front blowing in is just climate
And the winds that haunt this space are now quiet
The gentle summer rains now bring on the hail
And the path to her will lead to the place I fell
And the lakes of love are now frozen underneath my veil
And all the memories he left me were just a tall tale
The grounds are frozen solid where we used to roam
And the heart running wild was captured in his tome
And the girl without the love never found a home
And if summer will come again remains in the unknown
© Delia Ross. 2019
Take my fears to the lands where they cannot hide
Take the lies to the clouds where I say goodbye
Keep my hope buried deep in his mountainside
Hide my love in the deserts where I cannot confide
Watch my tears grow longer than the Nile
And deep does it go my denial
My doubt standing erectile
Got my shadow in exile
Down here in this maze of lows
The number 0 is what he chose
I swim his river of woes
Like it’s the only direction I’ll ever know
© Delia Ross. 2019
Sitting on the corner of depression avenue
I’ll wave with a smile when you pass by me too
I’ve been here awhile so I’ve got the right attitude
You’d think by my grin I had the winning suit
But underneath the cards there’s a truth I will never refute
And every part of me needs repaired, even the soles of my boot
How quickly by you flee on a journey I would love to commute
But I’ve got a darkness troubling me and I feel it, deep down in my root
And so I isolate the need that you bring on this road where I pollute
But your words have me jumping out of a plane without a parachute
And if you were to measure the love it would be absolute
xxxxxxxxsquaredtimesinfinity
© Delia Ross. 2019
He gnawed on my soul until all that was left was a core of longing. And the seeds within were filled with his haunting. And like an apple being pulled by his gravity, I kept falling. He will take bites without ever warning.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Taking the long journey alone
It was quite heavy lifting the stone
But alas it’s done and I’m on my own
And it’s so black, I have lost my home
Is this life or just a tomb
Is there no forgiveness for the things I do
Is there not a seat for me in this room
Is there any reason for the things I assume
Are my eyes open or are they closed
I thought I heard agreement so who opposed
Did the page turn or decompose
Why were the actual risk never disclosed
Is this pain based on reality
Why does it still hurt when I dream
Why do my eyes leak when I bleed
Why am I not anything they ever need
I know I’m not her and I never was
But if you’ll excuse me I need more gauze
It’s going to take a lot to cover the flaws
And every time I fall someone does applause
Every single hour I go through change
But when I turn around everything’s the same
I guess it’s not important to love the strange
And when it comes to me I don’t have a name
I still have love for him on the inside
I said I didn’t need him but I really lied
And there for a moment I felt alive
But it was just a trick of the night
Not even a demon could love this creature
My only goal was to make his life richer
But as it turns out I am just a creeper
And I’m not capable of giving him fever
Now I have this love and don’t know what to do
I thought I was a diamond or in his heart a jewel
I thought he was my knight, come to save me too
But when it comes to my life I had the wrong value
© Delia Ross. 2019
He stands on the shore with an expression on his face resembling shame
It’s as if, by looking at me, I have the power to make him clean
The blue in his eyes faded, at precisely the moment, I withdrew
The hour came down so heavy, the moment that he knew
He stands as if his arms are holding all the pain
Or a brace, for the fall, it is certain after all
For I’m on a ship he never seems to reign
And I’m watching him with eyes that never strain
Looking back though, I never meant to blame
I feel my face harden, my cheeks a rosey garden, my tears now offer pardon
Because you brought my life its value
And as the waves start to accrue, just like my love for you, no matter what you do, so with a sigh or two, I slowly come unglue, because I’m not exactly sure what to do
And my only thought is how I need you too…
© Delia Ross. 2019
Got his hand on my throat with every word
Got his squeeze on my pump with every hurt
Got his eye on the prize if ever I’m sure
And with the right ingredients just maybe a cure
Got his hand on the ready to offer comfort
Got my mind on the question though maybe he answered
She’s got her nose in the air as if she’s the expert
And she cries for his heart like a rich man now beggared
Got his tongue on the bottle so maybe it slurred
And my outrage is written though normally censored
But he claims that he loves me and I’m certain she heard
And so I do my best to not blind her with dirt
© Delia Ross. 2019
Fingertips on black ink
Hands and mind never in sync
Fingertips keep chasing blood
Again it might as well be mud
Fingertips as cold as ice
The pits of hell from where she writes
Fingertips don’t play that nice
She leaves a trail for where she cites
Fingertips could warm my face
Instead they spray my eyes with mace
Fingertips that own the place
But he was gone without a trace
Fingertips that write the lies
And only one who really tries
Fingertips could save the day
Instead they chose to walk away
Fingertips in black ink
Wishing you were here with me
Fingertips under her sheet
Wondering why it’s never me
If fingertips could only speak
What sort of words would they leak
This absence that you’ve given me
Leaves me feeling incomplete
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’m on an island of a thousand tears
If you took a boat you could find me here
Silhouettes of you in the clouds appear
Echoes of your voice in the atmosphere
On my knees in prayer I gently kneel
I drift alone on this bank of silence
Every tear another wish for your guidance
Reflections in the waves I see your diamonds
Nothing fills my need more than your iris
Open up your eyes you’ll see your alliance
I know your past and still I love you
I can be your future should you want me to
I can be your now should you pursue
I can be that friend you never outgrew
I can be whatever you need if you haven’t got a clue
© Delia Ross. 2019
The cold, deep darkness of space still could not fill the void you make me feel. A vast expansion of nothing.
© Delia Ross. 2019
That sound is silence
The quiet act in violence
My thoughts in a riot
As if on autopilot
He is not the best
Not even a little
Though like the rest
I’ve set for remittal
Just maybe he is the worst
As I fell for him first
But he is an endless thirst
With no quench for the cursed
The damned be gone!
There is never any dawn
I must carry on
Where his ghost has spawn
I make love to nothing
A ghost I am hunting
One with his absence
A love without an address
© Delia Ross. 2019
Baby, why do you hide?
Is there room for me inside?
Baby, why have you run?
Is it something that I’ve done?
Baby, why did you go?
Am I someone you don’t want to know?
Baby, why are we hurting?
Do you feel we’re not worth it?
Baby, why do you fear?
Everything we wanted is finally here.
Baby, I didn’t mean to push you away
Please tell me you’re coming back someday?
Baby, why do you haunt me like a ghost?
When I’m the person who misses you most
© Delia Ross. 2019
How did it come to be?
Two strangers growing stranger
Rooting and growing under the same tree
Where both souls are endangered
What fruit did we eat?
That put our life in danger
Eyes that see and tongues that never speak
But love that tames our nature
Give me seed
Not a glacier
Walk with me
For the remainder
© Delia Ross. 2019
Our words like feathers carry no weight
To his ears an uninvited guest who overstayed
Still we’re spoonfed lies to minimize the ache
Just an innocent bystander who took the bait
He will circle you inside a barricade
He will taste the wound to see if you’re afraid
He will take the route you feel most betrayed
His words were never there to offer aid
If you need more pain he will accommodate
If you want his love he won’t participate
There are many already at his gate
His hands will lead you straight to his grave
I would gladly place my life at his blade
And gently kiss his hands as they preyed
And from my mouth not one complaint
And though dying my eyes finally awake
© Delia Ross. 2019
Hard to face an enemy with arrows
Eyes to ground, move back but still he follows
Try to make a list of the cons and pros
Every step sinking deeper into holes
Crying only reaches more lost souls
The devil whispers “this is the life you chose”
Picking every thorn off of your rose
But darling I warned you not to get close
This side of town contains mostly lows
This is where hope comes to decompose
He’s laughing now like it’s one of his jokes
Breaking me is always one of his goals
My sins always haunting my shadows
It’s so heavy these stones I carry alone on these roads
© Delia Ross. 2019
I got to where I never cry
I can feel the hours passing by
I keep the blinds closed from any sunshine
It doesn’t cost me a dime
To waste all my time
It feels like the wrong design
I still tell them all that I’m fine
Suffocate on all the energy
Surrounded by negativity
Completely numb without sensory
Nothings ever bothering me
Nothing to ever do, no one to see
Married to my invisibility
My soul a wasteland filled with debris
© Delia Ross. 2019
Caught a glimpse
Of his horizon
Headed toward
To enlighten
Instead
I only frighten
I’m not the one
He has the light on
I’ve landed on
An unwanted island
I’m simply tired
Of trying
Sitting around
Only crying
Nobody cares
That I’m dying
© Delia Ross. 2019
He’s coming down this road again
With offerings of despair
Wrapped in tears like acid rain
With prayers prayed in vain
Dragging love by a chain
His every action inhumane
His only prize is your pain
His only hope for you to disobey
So he can claim you another day
Purgatory is the way
He’ll keep you bound so you can’t stray
Fill you with doubt so you remain
Enclosed in darkness so you can’t escape
Never asleep but fully awake
Your soul weighed down from the ache
Your every step a mistake
It’ll wrap around you like a snake
Swallow you whole while you decay
© Delia Ross. 2019
It’s not terribly hard to see you’re always chasing after young silver
Spend your days shinning every dime by the muddy river
Try to hide reflections of a liar in its mirror
If the devil bit you in the head it wouldn’t make it that much clearer
But I’m going to cover you in truth until you shine like glitter
I doubt anything I write can make you more bitter
You’ll probably claim you’re a victim and call me a killer
But neither of us are walking out of here a winner
My heart lost its color and settled for winter
I told you to shoot but you failed to pull the trigger
And now my love for you will always just kind of linger
If you ever want a friend you’re invited for dinner
If you ever need a rare element that’s where I can deliver
I hope one day you will warm my heart from this shiver
Until then my soul will just tremble and quiver
(He always wants the young silver – she’ll never want what he can give her)
© Delia Ross. 2019
He said you are not the reason
And it nearly stopped me dreaming
Now my soul’s in winter season
And I cannot stop it bleeding
Now my heart is barely beating
And for you it’s always weeping
Now I don’t want to go on breathing
And my life has lost its meaning
© Delia Ross. 2019
It’s half-past heartbreak
The pain grips like a snake
There’s nothing to stop the ache
Once upon a better time
Wasting youth was such a crime
Pride it only cost a dime
It’s long past sorrow
There’s no joy here to borrow
I still pray he calls tomorrow
Third times a charm or so we learn
In slavery until we are adjourned
And so the same ole pages turn
These forty years I only yearn
© Delia Ross. 2019
There it was, labeled to me – I, the addressee
Trying on lovers because revenge tasted sweetly
Inserting the blade ever so neatly –
Ensuring the heart was severed completely
Burning through dreams like an oil field in the night
Running out of fuel and the zest for a life
Looking back but never having any foresight
Dancing in alleyways with nothing but a knife
I can lie and pretend I will live and die by you
One day, I’ll come to know those lies were never true
And now decades of mistakes when I should have just withdrew
That’s the trouble with searching for treasure when you haven’t any clue
© Delia Ross. 2019
I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from going down a path I never grow
Then I’d never sneer when I see an old photo
I’d never ever wonder who I’d be without the woe
I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from packing all of this emotional cargo
I seem to carry it with me no matter where it is I go
I’d gladly give it to you but there’s no place left to stow
© Delia Ross. 2019
Falling, falling, falling again
Into another vortex I spin
Down, down, down I’ve been
So far below there’s no light within
The pressure it builds & rattles my skin
It’s like a daily battle I’m in
The system is built for it to win
Remember the enemy is in sheepskin
© Delia Ross. 2019
Standing near a cliff waiting for the wind to blow
Years I must be waiting time is moving very slow
Lost so many hours no longer know where to go
Might have heard you shouting, guess I’ll never ever know
Always seeing others with someone on their side
Leaning towards the edge, no one even says goodbye
Even broke a rib on my own trying to climb
The pain so excessive I think I’d really rather die
© Delia Ross. 2019
I say goodbye for him
I climb mountains with a broken limb
Battered down and wounded still I can feel
Do all I can to fully disappear
I’ve got him on my mind all the time still
And he’ll never know I was even here –
Attending to his garden
Watching his heart harden
Wishing I were less of a burden
If only he’d grant me a pardon
Please speak to the warden
But he hates me I am certain
© Delia Ross. 2019
To dream a life of pleasure,
Reside a world of hell.
Demands partial reason,
Denies existence well.
A star so dimly lit,
Still reached the darkest soul.
And in her heart he bit,
Consumed it, left a hole.
© Delia Ross. 2010
We’ve been lost on the same road
Making circles back again
We’ve been chasing all the ghost
Who will destroy us in the end
Along the way we have passed
Pretending each were a friend
How long can we last
Avoiding roads full of sin
What test do we pass
Where does the road to love begin
All the signs along the way
Point to never meeting him
© Delia Ross. 2019
Is there a special niche needed to get through to you?
How much time should one have to pursue?
You threw down the gauntlets and then you withdrew
You said you’d be back but it’s clear that we’re through
I could wait long hours and it’s something you knew
Feeling something real has been long overdue
Longer are the days and the distance accure
I’ll be around if you need someone to talk to
There’s nothing in the world with a better view
I love the hours past all of the curfews
I bet his kisses taste like honey dew
This is why patience is a virtue –
I hope he puts me somewhere in his queue!
© Delia Ross. 2019
Always alone, what else do we know?
We have grown accustomed to loom
Universally we stand connected
By lines to each other’s doom
How erroneous to accept
The progress of dreaming,
The TV is on, my computer is streaming
All the world is aglow…
© Delia Ross. 2010
PoeEternal 