First off, WOW, my blog hit 600 followers today and I think that’s a big deal. Especially considering I don’t follow the blogging rules, I’m not a social butterfly, I’m wild and awkward, I haven’t participated in any of the blogger award nominations, I actually read your stuff (as opposed to just hitting like on a flood of your post), and my comments can seem cold and off-putting, or instigating a bit, sarcastic or uncaring. Yo, all I can say is I’m a war vet and dealing with stuffs, loads of stuffs, communication in this phase of my life is hard. But I’m out here still trying to share who I am with you and you’re following me, and like that warms up my icy heart. And sometimes you guys leave me comments that really sink deep into my soul. I’m grateful for that and for you. Honestly your support has kept me going through this depression, I’d be lost without you.
Thank you for finding value in me when facing my family and discovering how toxic they were and how little value they actually had of me, especially after getting out of the army after serving honorably for 15 years. I literally had no support. You guys have seen me get emo, falter, fall, get back up again. You’ve let me share my writings with you, even the ones I was scared to share, which encouraged me to keep writing and to keep sharing. The poems in which I thought wouldn’t have much impact actually had more impact on others than the ones that I thought would carry more weight. Some I write as agony bleeds from my pen, taking careful time and precision, others I freestyle as if it’s the last rhyme I’ll ever write. Time is absolutely irrelevant when it comes to the quality of my poetry.
It doesn’t matter if I take an hour or 5 Seconds, the inspiration flows out all the same. It’s just the ones that are always painstakingly hard to write, aren’t always the ones that get the most attention. The ones that I desperately want people to like aren’t always the ones that get the attention. Or, the size of poem. It matters not. I’ve even pushed myself to write 10 word micro-stories and poems, 25 word micro-poems and stories, and 50 word poetry and stories, and you guys have took to all of them really well! And to be honest, it feels great when my mini stories are well-received because they aren’t easy to write. And all my poetry or stories always have a moral to them. A climax. A decline. A theme. An ending. Purpose. I give words purpose. That’s what I do. And in 200 years it very well may be my legacy.
But now is all that matters. I don’t just write for me anymore, I write for you as well. And by that I mean, you inspire me to keep going, to keep pushing through depression, self-loathing, regrets, sorrow, isolation, suicidal ideations, excessive crying, public mood swings, insomnia, rage, confusion, hate, and even unrequited love. Underneath all that you still see a person worth following. Thank you for reals. I see you. I love you.
P.S. I’m aware a recent poem probably hit really hard but they’re just words, I don’t really hate him, I actually want the best for him and love him and I wish he would actually try to get better and truth is I’m just trying to hurt him the way he’s hurting me. I don’t even want him to be blocked and I wish we were following each other’s blogs & Insta’s again. But, I haven’t got past my own insecurities and seeing him flirt with other girls hurts me to the core, like the very center, which seems to radiate everywhere else in me. And lately the hurt has been flowing out like hot magma, but hopefully when the rage cools down, crust will form over the Earth, flowers will bloom again. Because, the hate doesn’t stop making me love him. Death won’t even do that…
P.S.S. A big shoutout to all my Patrons who are supporting this blog, I am utterly grateful for your encouragement and pledges, you have no idea! I so value your support and your feedback, as a writer it’s invaluable, and the privacy of it allows me to have a “safe place” to write and grow with you. But also, I really need the bread money and your support means I can keep writing on this blog and writing is so therapeutic! It also holds me accountable, and gives my life purpose and meaning. Something many veterans struggle with after returning to civilian life. And I really am trying to give you a lot of value for your money, thank you for believing in me! And for pledging! ❤ I’m getting sobby again. I cry over everything but at least this one is a good cry. 😄
The bigger number, the one nearing 4K, that’s WordPress counting my Twitter and Facebook followers (I don’t think Insta is included in that data but I could be wrong).
If you dig my writing, you can support this blog by becoming a VIP patron on my Patreon campaign (my goal is 25 patrons, we’re 6/25) 😍: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Thank you so much for making 2019 an incredible year for writing. I know there have been bumps and bruises, as such with life, but I am grateful for your visits, for your follows, for your feedback, and for you encouraging me to continue writing! Back in January this year my blog was at 5K, and my goal was to try to get to 10K by the end of the year! My blog just hit 35,000 visits, I am astound! Goal achieved and surpassed! My blog is also nearing over 14,000 visitors, that’s incredible! It still amazes me that I have people that visit my blog and read my poetry!! THANK YOU for giving my life meaning! I have grown as a person so much this year! I am still reflecting back on all the ups and downs and renewing my energy for 2020. I hope to see you in the new year. I wish you all the very best! Happy holidays! xxoo @POEETERNAL
P.S. I am on Instagram and Twitter under my pen POEETERNAL if you’d like to give me a follow. It’s pretty much the only social media networks I regularly visit. Though I am still a ghost on other platforms, I rarely use them.
Sometime in January of this year I realized my blog was at 5k and it struck a fire in me to start writing more. I figured it would take until the end of the year to even reach 10K but that was my new goal for the year. Writing is therapeutic for me and so I started nurturing my blog by writing more, and nearly on a daily basis this entire year. I kept writing because you kept reading. And here we are now and my blog is a few hundred hits away from 35,000 worldwide views. Incredible. Having 10K visits to my blog is such an achievement for me and for someone who writes poetry which is a hard field to get noticed in. Just ask Edgar Allan Poe. I am grateful for my readers. I can’t make any promises on what 2020 will bring, but I can say you made my 2019 very fulfilling. And even though there have been a few bumps along the way, I hope to go into 2020 with an open heart. And so if I have wronged you, I ask for your forgiveness. And if you have wronged me, I forgive you. Happy holidays and Friday the 13th and last Full Moon of the year. Sending you positive energy, and good vibes along the wire. I love all of yous.
Friday the 13th means pizza, chips, soda and free movie on Vudu kind of day… But it’s also a full moon and I feel like dancing…Which I’m definitely going to need to do after eating a large cheese pizza, no judgment xoxoI hope there are no hard feelings, I am learning to “let go”. “My enemies are turning into my teachers”All my love, always xxx
Many of you are excellent writers, and I wanted to recommend Blurb, a self-publishing company that is among the best out there. You may not get rich by self-publishing (some authors have, like Stephanie Meyers) but you will have a sense of accomplishment and pride that will flourish for your written gems. And the best thing is, you’ll keep 100% of your rights 100% of the time and you will have control over your book 100% of the time! They offer insanely great discounts to buy multiple copies of your own book as well (so you can sell them at full price wherever you go/travel)!!! The neat thing is, your book will get its own page on the Blurb website so people can buy your book, and you will also be able to create discounts for holidays and stuff (if you want). I have researched MANY self-publishing sites, and this one is among the best. I published with Xlibris over a decade ago, but had I known of Blurb, I would have published with them. In fact, when the time comes for me to do book number two, I will be using Blurb. It’s not about fame or money, it’s about securing a spot for your writings for when you are long gone. IT IS YOUR LEGACY. In two hundred years, people aren’t going to care if you self-published, and who knows, it may be your poetry that they are studying in schools in the future. Just a reminder that Edgar Allan Poe died broke and unknown, he did not become famous until after his death. Sadly this is the life of most poets. BUT, YOU ARE STILL WORTHY OF YOUR OWN BOOK. IT’S NOTEXPENSIVE TO DO THROUGH BLURB!!! If you’ve ever considered publishing, go explore the website. I know there’s a growing trend of bloggers creating their own publishing company and other bloggers submitting works, BUT there is another route. Stand out from the crowd, by offering your own book. I just wanted to share the know. Personally, I don’t like giving over my rights to my own writings to anyone (especially to just another blogger, I don’t care if they are God). Nuff said. Let me know if you decide to publish, drop your book link here when you do. I am not associated or affiliated with Blurb in any way, I am just sharing the know. Knowledge is power, I thirst for it.
WOOT WOOT NOW GO MAKE YOUR OWN BOOK! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!!! 😄
Also, since I have published a book, I do know a little bit about self-publishing so… this book is expensive, I know. It’s a coffee table book and it’s full color, with front and back cover. I don’t expect you to buy it. When I make book number 2, it’s going to be small and black and white. Hence cheaper. But if you want something fancy for your coffee tables, I recommend the hardback it’s gorgeous. You can find my softback on Amazon for a bit cheaper (especially if you catch a sale). I took my book off the market but decided to make it available again in 2017 (hence the 2017 date, that’s not actually when I published it originally). Anyway, if you have any questions about self-publishing, I’m your gal. I know a few tidbits. 😃
I am inadvertently unfollowing accounts that I don’t want to unfollow when I’m trying to unfollow multiple accounts that I do not interact with or whom do not interact with me. When I first opened up my account, I was following any Tom, Dick and Harry, or suggestions recommended to me and I’m trying to clean up my feed so I can interact with the people I DO want to interact with more. I suffered a brain injury while in the Army, so when I accidentally unfollow accounts, I can’t always remember your Blog name, and most of you do not have your actual blog link in your Gravatar profile and so I can’t find you. Sometimes I’m aware of the mistake right away and sometimes I don’t realize it until days later when I’m like ‘why the fuck aren’t you posting and in my feed’. Then I have to go on a hunt to find a post where you commented or something. I still have around 300 accounts I need to unfollow so these boo-boos might happen again.
Please don’t let me go days without you, if you’ve noticed I’ve unfollowed you and it doesn’t seem normal can you at least shoot me a comment or something? Just say “hey, did you mean to unfollow” or something and I’ll correct it right away! If I unfollowed you and you have any kind of negative reaction about it, please message me, because it was more than likely a mistake. And it’s already happened a few times to accounts I didn’t want to unfollow. And so all that lingering confusion and doubt was festering. Just shoot me a message or comment! Uh oh’s happen, I come with mistakes.
I was gonna go to the world’s most famous beach and then to a doggy park but it decided to rain and so dancing my blues away to Zeromancer instead in my bedroom, cuz y’all don’t know this good stuff, do you? 4 minutes of me sweating in my bedroom on an early Saturday morning is everything you’ve always wanted to see, right? (By the time the video uploads it’ll be mid afternoon). I have terrible stage fright. And I’m super shy. But this is a Norwegian band that I’ve been digging for quite some time and this is one of my favorite songs by them.
So I’m okay, if anyone was wondering. And by okay I mean, I’m still fighting the good fight. And to be honest, this blog and you guys are my only lifeline. And yeps, you met me at a messy period in my life. And I’ve already had so many give up on me. I’m trying not to give up on me too. And I know my body isn’t in its best shape but does that mean I have to stand behind the curtain because I don’t meet your expectations of perfection. But also, you could have just loved me how I deserved.
Kill your senses You might be right Hold your fire I’ll take you higher Never drop We’ll never stop Tar for feathers Blood for honey Milk for money Isn’t it funny how it hurts How it hurts You never see me make The same mistake twice You never see a tear Coming out of these eyes You never see me beg For another shot And you never see me change Into something I’m not Famous last words Stare at someone You used to know Laughs at you Turns around and fade away If only I could see it that way Kill your senses It can’t be right Isn’t it funny how it hurts You never see me make The same mistake twice You never see a tear Coming out of these eyes You never see me quit See me disengage And you never see me spit in your face Out of rage Famous last words
To everyone who says, “she’s too skinny, she’s too fat, she doesn’t have a body to be wearing that” err kiss off (anyway I just wanted you to see how long my hair is getting, I’ve been growing it out since I left the Army in 2017 after 15 hard years of service plus a war). It’s nearly down to my arse. 🤓
You are fabulous! Thank you for visiting my blog and reading my words! Thanks for your likes, comments or shares! Thank you for returning to read more! Thank you for following me if you are! I am grateful for each and every one of you no matter where you are in the world! It means so much to me that you take the time to read my poetry.
Here is a quick thank you video because I wanted to be able to tell you verbally how much it means! You also get a chance to meet me very briefly. Direct link to my thank you video is here: https://youtu.be/IcNLKgwjL_U
12,000 visits!!! I LOVE YOU!!! MORE WORDS COMING!!
p.s. I’m aware this should have probably been completed at 10k but I am always late to the party! =)
I can think of better things to do than to march in a sad parade
They wanted to demote me and give me a lower grade
Slow it down they said, you ain’t working to get paid
Your life doesn’t concern me, you’ll be charged if you complain
Standing near a cliff waiting for the wind to blow
Years I must be waiting time is moving very slow
Lost so many hours no longer know where to go
Might have heard you shouting, guess I’ll never ever know
Always seeing others with someone on their side
Leaning towards the edge, no one even says goodbye
Even broke a rib on my own trying to climb
The pain so excessive I think I’d really rather die
I would take a bullet for him
He’s so much better than I am
I wish I could shoot him a telegram
Into the ocean I would swim
He’s the best thing that’s ever been
If he said jump I’d ask him when
To some this may seem obscene
But he is my favorite thing
His kiss would be my end
But I think his heart I could mend
This burning fire I can tend
Come closer let me be your friend
This offer will never expire
Some flames are meant to burn higher
I’ll meet you anywhere
I’d walk to Times Square
Don’t make life so unfair
Come on, I’ll meet you anywhere
I’d fly, I’d walk in the rain
I can drive or take the midnight train
I’d go to you anywhere
Can we meet at the town square
Darling please somewhere
Anywhere, I don’t care
Any weather
Come together
Any weather
Together we’re better
Any weather
Monster’s exist
Inside you
Inside those cold blues
What’s next on your checklist
Like a serpent you untwist
Unclinch your fists
You add no value
You’ve been dismissed
No point in an argue
And still you hissed
You are not part of my crew
I’m pissed we kissed
I need my time to regroup
So this is it
No more curses to spew
It’s time you quit
Your life is under review
If I were to take the blue Would it trouble you Can we meet Under the full moon Share secrets No other knew – Our complaints & grievance And pledge our allegiance Just between the two The air filled with sweetness From kissing all afternoon Utter discreteness At rendezvous avenue I gotta tent that sleeps two…
Take heed my warning
For death is coming
The skies are painted red
Mud instead is raining
And burying the dead
No amount of training
Prepared for the bloodshed
Laughter is currency for the soul
It’s way more precious than silver or gold
It can be packaged nicely & gifted or sold
It never cheapens or ages or folds
She breaks like sadness
dancing over the womb
She aches as night
washes over the Moon
If you shine your light
she will run too soon
Overstay your welcome
and she’ll be gone by noon
WARNING:The following story contains explicit gore, imagery, & death. It is intended for an older audience. Though it is not age restricted, caution should be taken when reading, as it may cause triggers in some due to the sensitive context and subject matter. Proceed with caution.
My Son Part 1: The Promise
“The bloody note, that his lost wife wrote, He found under his pillow, when in the afternoon he awoke. His heart grew weak as he read her final thoughts, her last words about the son she lost, and the promise that she broke. But it sends him right, back to that lovely night, when they felt each other’s love, and gave each other light. But he tears up when he remembers the deed, the love he felt then, seems now like greed. Her promise he would recite. ‘Our life together, darling, has just begun, And I would be honored if you had our son.’ He was her man and she was his lady, and so he asked her to have his baby. Neither hesitated. She lay on the floor, as the blood poured, she felt the one inside, would live no more. And she was crying for help and she called everyone. Thinking that someone could save her son.” The promise lay on the ground torn. The shame she had, when he took her hand, in the hospital room, but he made no demand.
And when he first entered, she wouldn’t even lock, her eyes with his, she just turned toward the wall. Thinking the promise, she would damn. But she looked in time, with her tearing eyes, she wanted to see him, the one she was denied. And when she did, her world was shattered, And put in submission. It was black and bloody and in the fetal position. Her promise was a lie. ‘Our life, my darling, had just begun. I only need my girl and I don’t need a son.’ He said this, but he could not hide his pain, He knew that their love would never be the same. Neither reiterated. And alas one evening, while he was dreaming, she’d lay in the tub, her wrists slashed and bleeding. And when he saw the result his heart receded, it tore apart when her wrists stopped bleeding. The promise she was relieving. And after the police went, And after the trial, After the search of his house, And long after denial, That’s when he found her letter of regret. Buried under his pillow so he couldn’t neglect. But then arose a devious smile. ‘Our life, my darling, has just begun. All I have to do is save some of your blood.’ He knew a man who could restore her life half of this woman would still be half of his wife. Shockingly, he never hesitated.”
I have a picture of a picture It was clear I wasn’t stricter I have a picture of her picture He’d still be here if I were richer It won’t be long & he will ditch her She’ll have a picture of his picture Bury her head deep into the scripture Dreams will cease she’ll be a wisher With just a picture of their picture He’s nothing but an old gold digger I’ve got my finger on the trigger A heavy hitter he’s a sinner You better burn his fucking picture I can hear his fanbase snicker While they drown away in liquor And wish they owned these fucking pictures Maybe I’ll post them all on Twitter It’s something maybe I’ll consider When I’m feeling a bit less bitter
I am so grateful for all the traffic that my website has been receiving. It is a great honor to be able to share my words with you and that you keep coming back to read more. As such, and as a thank you, I will be releasing my epic poem in three parts, which previously could only be found in my published book. It is some of my most complex writing to date, and if I were to have a favorite, this would be it. In celebration of over 6,000 visits on my blog, I am giving it to you. I always envisioned it to be turned into a play or short film (or both). So to the actors and visionaries out there, and lovers of all things poetry, perhaps too you should one day want the same (even if I’m no longer here). It is my legacy, my words. Edgar Allan Poe died unknown. And I’ve got visitors from all over the world, so thank you dear reader, from the very center of my soul, for your visits. Stay tuned, My Son Parts 1, 2 & 3 are coming, again as a thank you. And I very much hope you will fall prey to the story, as certainly I did writing it.
He makes me want to sin
But it’d be heaven I contend
The way his words move under my skin
I’d fall for him again and again
I once made my amend
While feeling silence closing in
If only there were more moments to spend
Would he care the places I’ve been?
His silence tortures me
From a bird to a parolee
His energy is beastly
I’d stay in jail, be his detainee
Satisfaction is guaranteed
But there are obstacles to oversee
Invitations with no addressee
His heart is like an Oak tree
PoeEternal 