i can’t sentence him to his death or his “good day”
i’m going the detox route
they have detox for dogs at Zuma – healthy treats too
HE LOVES TO EAT but he is in pain so i will look into CBD gummies for dogs
he paces a lot
he tells me it is time to go (based on the quality of life scale)
but he is also fighting for another day
i could not feed him chocolate or junk food – despite buying him TWO candy bars
but they didn’t even have the candy bar I wanted him to have and I thought that was pretty fucking tacky on being his last day on earth that he couldn’t have the one candy bar that he would want so maybe that was a sign that it’s not time but you know we can always see a sign and make it mean what we want right? (the snickers box was empty – the worker decided then was time to place a re- order, but i was shopping for my dog’s last day on earth)
(back when Gen X was working, we went around with a little scanner device – and anything empty or near empty got a re-order, we also dusted the shelves, checked expiration dates, moved old product to the front) (for starters) (and we had to smile and greet every customer too) (and we had to work THREE jobs to PAY OUR RENT) (and we swept and mopped EVERY NIGHT)
the score was placed on an establishment on how clean it was – no one wanted to eat at an 88 with a 94 next door
NOW THEY HIDE THE SCORE AND I NO LONGER EAT OUT
GROCERY STORES ARE FULL OF TOXINS
ABOUT TO FAST OR GROW MY OWN FOOD
back to what i was saying tho – about not being able to sentence my dying dog to his death
Cue the movie Maggie (with Arnold Schwarzenegger) (the zombie flick) (tis the season)
But his situation is very similar to mine – he could not let her go no matter how much she said “daddy it’s time”
she became a danger to everyone around her, everyone else moved out of the house, it was just them and still he couldn’t do what he needed to do
WHAT DID HE NEED TO DO?
watch the film!
but maybe he just let things unfold naturally
but the thing is, she did not want to turn, she did not want to die __ _______.
She wanted some dignity in her end
and speaking of dignity, how the fuck did I have the ‘i spied on my neighbor’ post as a sticky? I hope to fuck they have not found my blog – i mean my living breathing journal – so stop being so judgy –
Mary Magdalene was a prostitute “pretty woman” and over 51% want love with a prostitute
i have never sold my body for sex, nor would i, i have never “pleasured myself” or whatever you call it, for money.
err the dog
at least i am no longer mad at him (until he shits on the floor again) (he has a giant dog playpen now – mama is figuring stuff out) (his pen has tons of pads but he likes to wait until after i have taken him out to use the rug or carpet, not even the floor for easier cleanup)
i have a lot of love and loyalty to give ONE MAN if he would just take rope and wind me in?
kaya is saying she wants to marry me
TWO DAYS IN A ROW Kaya smiled so big I WANT TO MARRY YOU
I MIGHT HAVE TO MARRY KAYA IF MAN FAILS ME
Kaya is a goddess so it’s not like I would be settling if I went to the other side
i told Kaya i wished we had a powder room (don’t ever say “bathroom” or “thank you” around her)
i want to take her to lunch so badly
she wants to marry me?
she keeps bringing me up the point that I haven’t accepted her friend request she can’t message me and she can’t see my old profile either so she can’t see my photos which she was watching my videos and says says I have a nice body? She doesn’t understand why I don’t have a man or husband since I want one? i keep trying to explain that i do not look like her, if i brought Kaya around, they would want to marry YOU
Kaya is taken (kinda) tho
(I don’t think the king would want her with a 10 but I know the king would not want her to be alone and he would want someone to take care of her when he could not) (but not take care of her THAT WAY – just like be a housewife – i mean cook and clean for her
but she has her own set schedules, I mean she cleans on Sundays her bedroom and her vanity area and I need to take on the same principles you know because I always thought Sundays were for resting and I never rest on Sunday
I don’t think I’ve loved anything as much as I’ve loved my dog and it’s hard to give up on something I’ve invested emotionally financially 13 years of my life on
And I know it’s supposed to be a good day while it’s a good day but it’s hard to say goodbye on a semi good day and I’m not a nihilist and I do not want to support the 6th mass extinction and I know it’s supposed to be an act of love and an act of mercy but…
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
A. A. Milne / Winnie the Pooh
these are signs it is “too late”
i will wait for these signs
sorry not sorry?
but i can’t say goodbye?
JUST RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON’TCHA
PoeEternal 