depression – PoeEternal

Posted on December 3, 2025 by poeeternal

Coffee

Coffee is on the stove
There’s a warm glow
And the nightmare from my dreams below
Hanging from my halo
A rock would be softer than this pillow
I’m too low

P.S.

It’s that time of the month again. Where my mood shifts like a pendulum. Can’t handle where I’ve been. It’s just my blood darling.

Can’t believe people didn’t take better care of their bloodlines.

I’m crying all the time, putting in the overtime, won’t cost you a dime.

Happy dying. Oh stop lying.

I dunno if this is an insult but it’s likely why you’ll never hear me boo’d off stage or attempting open mic cuz that’s exactly what this slam poetry was –

Thank you?

I just think it’s funny I quit posting after that comment. I mean how many straws?

No I don’t have thick skin. Poe died naked out his mind on the street darling.

CHILDSPLAY

I mean same same

It’s not like Victoria even liked it…

“Bad press is good press” (for the narcissist)

At least it got 390 views

Posted on June 28, 2025June 28, 2025 by poeeternal

Meet Daisy

Store said she’d been there the longest – adopted and returned

They said she likes to bite

Charlie already wants to extend the family

I told Charlie it might not be best knocking Daisy up her first night here

Not to mention the HABs aren’t even completed

I was going in for substrate and saw that sign for “50% off”

They said eventually it’d be reduced even further – to 75% and then well… she goes one more place and tries one more time (where surely she will bite and their number one rule for biting is “put down”)

It saddens me this society – this lifestyle of bartering one another at what cost

There was another girl that was born there – i really wanted her – she had a cow-like print

I NEED LAND

And a shed

I don’t care what the influencers think

“…this is animal abuse”

But mine are sleeping peacefully in their chaotic HAB

(HAB is short for habitat for those who don’t know)

They also get me as their caretaker and no one on TikTok seems to get that

I told Daisy today that the family returned her because she didn’t belong with them, she belonged here

I’m scared of Daisy

But she let’s me handle her, has not bit me, and has stopped squealing like a squeaky toy when I pick her up

She also allows me to segregate Charlie even tho she runs after him

It’s new to her

Probably hurts

She knows she wants it but she don’t

And Charlie be down there doing things that should be behind closed doors

But she could rip his head off when she is thru

And that’s the reality of adopting two Syrian hamsters from different stores

Male and female

Of breeding age

It’s almost like I needed enrichment in my life

Trying to keep two hamsters from killing one another or falling in-love

They said she was spicy so I named her after a sweet flower

Daisy seems to have already taken to her name

She knows not to bite me….

She’s learning her new HABs

She’s met Charlie 4 times – and he was ready to extend the family right away

They have been grooming one another

Licking and sniffing

Lots of face-to-face stare offs

Nose touches

Could be love or war

She’s not as fit? It was her first time on a 10 inch or 8 inch wheel. They had a saucer at the store

Prob used it to lay on

Charlie has a friend now but she could be a killer so I won’t leave them alone

I know I shouldn’t be buying hamsters while dying and not even having the correct HAB setup

But now my life has purpose

Can’t move into my Noah phase if the ark is empty

Back to the basics

They say I am a child that never grew up

So I got a hammy

Logical

(And I know you love me even more)

(But you don’t know why)

(Cuz you fucking hate me and will never speak again)

Charlie and Daisy sitting on a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

They kinda have our first name initials

Just realized

Awe

Posted on June 9, 2025 by poeeternal

Charlie was adopted

Meet Charlie

Had to put him in a second box cuz he chewed thru his first despite adding bedding, treats, and some food.

Charlie is my new best friend and has not once tried to bite.

He did flip over playing dead a couple times briefly and I was like “I didn’t mean to startle you” and he would just sniff my hand and go back to chewing thru the box

Eventually he did escape, I looked down and he was in the buggy

I was like, “Charlie!!!” “that’s not safe”

And he let me pick him up and snuggle him

He made it home safely and started exploring his living room den

He had water, he relocated his entire bowl of food under his den, where he also moved some straw as well as took breaks to eat the straw, before moving strands to the basement zone

Now Charlie is resting under the den and he has not even seen his bedroom double layer mansion – he’s already worked so hard

The mansion in the box…

I have insomnia so I got a nocturnal creature

Makes total sense

But I fell in-love with Charlie even tho I was going in for a mini newborn Black Bear hamster

I got a 14 month adult Teddy Bear hamster instead

I knew upon our afternoon meeting yesterday, while you were stuffing your greedy little face, that you were the one

I also bought you the exact shit you like plus shit you ain’t never tried

I think your basement needs more but also I gotta install your toilet in the mansion

That’s right, your mansion comes with its own bathroom

And the two-story mansion + roof with tunnel – is in my bedroom

So you can keep me up all night stirring

And we can sleep during the day like vampires since I can’t do much anything else

Charlie was the first to say hi

And I was okay with getting an adult

Charlie needed a home and was ready to go

Like we only got one life

Charlie was ready for his purpose even if I am dying…

Many videos were uploaded on the TikTok if you wanna see him exploring his new environment

Posted on February 17, 2025 by poeeternal

My sister, my dad, my dog (journal log 9654)

I just laid my dog to rest and the great planetary alignment is happening

On my sister’s death anniversary the great Winter blizzard of 2025 hit Florida where 5 inches of snow was dumped on my head during my 5th awakening

And the day I learned of my dad’s passing, I saw a six minute double rainbow

and since I held my dog for the last time on Valentine’s Day, i’ve been stuck on Miller’s planet, where gravity is strong

There’s not just the singularity, to escape, but the event horizon

And i’m on 10%

Maybe less cuz the “gross” thing is happening, and while i’m saying “oh my god” while flushing the toilet, i’m also saying things like “good girl” we started our period

And yes, i still, after nearly 48 years, get blood on my panties

Despite every measure not to

I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

Those are bits of me, so much potential and possibility, being flushed down the drain

IT MAKES ME CRAZY

Also me: “thank you Lord for the river to wash me clean”

*sits by the river for days*

Him: what r u still doing down there?

Me: i told you not to look. stop looking

Him: *approaches closer*

Me: *throws a rock at his head. GO AWAY*

(He does go away but he brings me back some food and comfort and leaves it by the river)

(Now i’m grateful cuz i didn’t want to be alone or humiliated by him seeing me this way x every 3 weeks)

(He made me some cloth to help)

(Now I can leave the river)

(Now he has poisoned the cloth and the river cuz he thinks life is pointless)

I wanna see the Great Planet Parade

I asked God for a sign that my dog made it to heaven to be heaven’s mascot, that he crossed the rainbow bridge

Didn’t want his spirit stuck on earth cuz of me

I’ve been in a lot of emotional distress, but my ovaries have overtaken at the moment, but it normally takes about 36 hours or so for that to reside so I can just pursue the rest of my period without being curled up in a ball or the bed

Like leave me alone but bring food at the door

Games

Notes of “here when you’re ready” (not “when you need me” cuz don’t need the guilt for needing space to shed my dna)

Like I didn’t ask to be born and I don’t wanna die nor is life worth living

So – I am trying to include activities that do not include signing death warrants – the bottom pits of black holes – or anything with a cancer warning – that may actually make life worth living – but so far i just cry – feel dead and empty inside – like i have imposter syndrome – which is likely a side effect from jumping into this timeline – to save my own life – since my other self was incapable of such a task – and i am still course correcting for her – in and out of disassociation – crying about what i have done – despite spending hours in the mirror crying and begging myself to do what needed to be done

So been listening to songs of Faith and Devotion by Depeche Mode

Man will survive the harshest conditions / and stay alive / through difficult decisions / so make up your mind for me / Walk the line for me / if you want my love.

Just know, I will fucking cut the cord on you to save my life.

I will leave you behind.

I will do a blindside.

Fucking ruthless angel

Death of mercy

I mean

I will free you of your curse

That’s why you fucking love me. Will risk your life for me and leave your ministry to me and ask me to end your life.

I know you’d do it for me if I asked.

What a weak little pathetic fucking boy if you can’t fucking do what I ask.

They are literally couples who die together who fall ill

“So risk your health for me / if you want my love”

But you know, I would burn a bridge and build a wall before I fucking infected you and you hate me for it

You hate when you cannot reach me

Cuz I hate it too

I’m not jumping in a cold river to save my dog (they both died)

I’m never getting another dog again

I experienced psychosis when he died

Apparently, trauma grief is a real thing

I’m not just lost in purgatory. I’m circling the bottom of a black fucking hole.

Yesterday I ran on the treadmill

More like walk/sprint/run Army style but I got some running in!

Proud of the heart!

I’m not in remission yet but I gave up smoking again *sigh*

Marijuana now is just basically cocaine or heroin and you’re just constantly chasing the dragon high because they changed the DNA of it and fuck you

Maybe when I’m around to it I’m gonna write about my experience losing my soul dog and I did a witness cremation and I feel like I’ve grown up a little bit

Do you think every time something is born, there is less matter in the sun?

Don’t you feel a certain way around the trees?

Do you talk to the plants like me?

Do you have the blueprint on how to escape the singularity?

Can you write me a poem or story? About anything?

But for an added challenge: because i am not obsolete and a part of the community!?! – the theme or topic could be a dog finding his way to heaven? The rainbow bridge?

Anyone wanna AI my good boy and create some art? Or digitally add a bridge or something? It wasn’t his fault he got sick.

RIP Sammie 2011-2025

All dogs go to heaven? He got a viking cremation for the warrior he was. Well, it wasn’t on the water. But his body was cleansed, his spirit released. That’s the idea right?

Honestly, I’d rather talk about my period right now or nothing at all.

We can talk about tacos. I’m craving tacos.

Let’s just not talk.

I’d rather hear you typing that story on the typewriter until I fall asleep.

Weird way to propose but yes

“What u writing about honey…”

Me as of RIGHT NOW so STOP LOOKING

I told u not to look

Posted on February 1, 2025February 1, 2025 by poeeternal

The worst day of my life

The sun came up
But there’s no morning
All I ever loved
Was left for what then?
All hours working
Nothing is worth it

There are things I regret
Make a list
Haven’t listed them all yet

There is repent
But that just leaves a pit

Might be homeless
The fires won’t give a shit

But the worst part is
I’m the one who caused it

The best is yet to come?
Your body lie frozen

I’m inadequate
Insufficient for a purpose
I’m called Worthless

Sunrise over sorrow
What comes tomorrow?

Poetry forever @poeeternal

Posted on October 5, 2024 by poeeternal

death and dying (a poem +)

heard him speak in past tense
does he seek bereavement
i’m looking through conflict
buried under cement
one too many secret
like moon is crescent
she is furled unpresent
his hope is well lit?

“…she was such a good mom, i hope she can be a good mom again…”

oof

i don’t need to be psychic or have a degree in psychology to call it

“well how do you know they are dead? did you check their pulse”

i swear if i get asked that question i will hang up and call back for someone else

“LOOK THERE AIN’T NO GOT DAMN PULSE – IT STANKS”

“YOU COME CHECK THE GOT DAMN PULSE”

“IT’S THE WORSE SHIT I EVER SMELLED”

one time my grandaddy died (this needs to be the opening line of my book) and he had been dead for three days, down in the basement of the church, and i was a medic so they let me and my half-sister down there (her granddaddy by blood) and i decided to give him a hug

and he burped in my mouth

the look my sis and i made at one another

i was just like “i pressed too hard”

“the smell”

“it went in my mouth”

he hadn’t been in a cooler or anything

he had all his guts

it was august

he died on my birthday

things got worse…

would you like to be my editor?

or maybe get married?

to be continued?

Posted on September 14, 2024September 14, 2024 by poeeternal

I CAN’T DO IT

i can’t sentence him to his death or his “good day”

i’m going the detox route

they have detox for dogs at Zuma – healthy treats too

HE LOVES TO EAT but he is in pain so i will look into CBD gummies for dogs

he paces a lot

he tells me it is time to go (based on the quality of life scale)

but he is also fighting for another day

i could not feed him chocolate or junk food – despite buying him TWO candy bars

but they didn’t even have the candy bar I wanted him to have and I thought that was pretty fucking tacky on being his last day on earth that he couldn’t have the one candy bar that he would want so maybe that was a sign that it’s not time but you know we can always see a sign and make it mean what we want right? (the snickers box was empty – the worker decided then was time to place a re- order, but i was shopping for my dog’s last day on earth)

(back when Gen X was working, we went around with a little scanner device – and anything empty or near empty got a re-order, we also dusted the shelves, checked expiration dates, moved old product to the front) (for starters) (and we had to smile and greet every customer too) (and we had to work THREE jobs to PAY OUR RENT) (and we swept and mopped EVERY NIGHT)

the score was placed on an establishment on how clean it was – no one wanted to eat at an 88 with a 94 next door

NOW THEY HIDE THE SCORE AND I NO LONGER EAT OUT

GROCERY STORES ARE FULL OF TOXINS

ABOUT TO FAST OR GROW MY OWN FOOD

back to what i was saying tho – about not being able to sentence my dying dog to his death

Cue the movie Maggie (with Arnold Schwarzenegger) (the zombie flick) (tis the season)

But his situation is very similar to mine – he could not let her go no matter how much she said “daddy it’s time”

she became a danger to everyone around her, everyone else moved out of the house, it was just them and still he couldn’t do what he needed to do

WHAT DID HE NEED TO DO?

watch the film!

but maybe he just let things unfold naturally

but the thing is, she did not want to turn, she did not want to die __ _______.

She wanted some dignity in her end

and speaking of dignity, how the fuck did I have the ‘i spied on my neighbor’ post as a sticky? I hope to fuck they have not found my blog – i mean my living breathing journal – so stop being so judgy –

Mary Magdalene was a prostitute “pretty woman” and over 51% want love with a prostitute

i have never sold my body for sex, nor would i, i have never “pleasured myself” or whatever you call it, for money.

err the dog

at least i am no longer mad at him (until he shits on the floor again) (he has a giant dog playpen now – mama is figuring stuff out) (his pen has tons of pads but he likes to wait until after i have taken him out to use the rug or carpet, not even the floor for easier cleanup)

i have a lot of love and loyalty to give ONE MAN if he would just take rope and wind me in?

kaya is saying she wants to marry me

TWO DAYS IN A ROW Kaya smiled so big I WANT TO MARRY YOU

I MIGHT HAVE TO MARRY KAYA IF MAN FAILS ME

Kaya is a goddess so it’s not like I would be settling if I went to the other side

i told Kaya i wished we had a powder room (don’t ever say “bathroom” or “thank you” around her)

i want to take her to lunch so badly

she wants to marry me?

she keeps bringing me up the point that I haven’t accepted her friend request she can’t message me and she can’t see my old profile either so she can’t see my photos which she was watching my videos and says says I have a nice body? She doesn’t understand why I don’t have a man or husband since I want one? i keep trying to explain that i do not look like her, if i brought Kaya around, they would want to marry YOU

Kaya is taken (kinda) tho

(I don’t think the king would want her with a 10 but I know the king would not want her to be alone and he would want someone to take care of her when he could not) (but not take care of her THAT WAY – just like be a housewife – i mean cook and clean for her

but she has her own set schedules, I mean she cleans on Sundays her bedroom and her vanity area and I need to take on the same principles you know because I always thought Sundays were for resting and I never rest on Sunday

I don’t think I’ve loved anything as much as I’ve loved my dog and it’s hard to give up on something I’ve invested emotionally financially 13 years of my life on

And I know it’s supposed to be a good day while it’s a good day but it’s hard to say goodbye on a semi good day and I’m not a nihilist and I do not want to support the 6th mass extinction and I know it’s supposed to be an act of love and an act of mercy but…

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

A. A. Milne / Winnie the Pooh

the way he lights up for chicken – how can i take that away? he wants another day…

these are signs it is “too late”

i will wait for these signs

sorry not sorry?

but i can’t say goodbye?

JUST RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON’TCHA

Posted on September 13, 2024September 13, 2024 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

silver lining (p∞)

there’s a silver lining forming over my hair follicle
but maybe it’s the way light presents itself over my sorrow
like disappearing chronicles
wasting tears on what i probably should
but there are things i never understood…

postscript: i wanted to keep going, but the dog is disruptive to my existence. the good doctor said my quality of life is just as important, and i told her i don’t want to die for my dog.

i’ve been unloading on the neighbors, they have all said they understood

finally exchanged names with the neighbor two doors down, he said whatever decision is made is the right one

but he also said he waited too late for his soul dog

i kept mentioning awful things like “expenses” and he said his friend dumped 15k into a few more months

and i’m just like “i want my life back” but there is a lot of soul crushing guilt for that – but the good doctor explained it can feel like murder, but that it is an act of mercy, an act of love.

it can be hard to watch them turn blue and suffer

she mentioned mine had dementia

the only thing he likes to do is eat

but we did a quality of life scale test and it is time

it will cost me $1005 to cut the cord

to give him his good day

all my life Boomers spent at most $300 to do it all (euthanasia plus ashes)

but they are gutting us – and i will never get another dog again

all the boomers will be gone by the 60s

hope i live to see it

p.s.s. if you don’t know what i am rambling on about, i had to schedule my dog to cross the rainbow bridge, and as such, some silver is forming potentially

hard to see through all the rain and crying

CONSEQUENCE

i always felt like i would die losing my dog and now i am losing my dog and my ride or die

and my Jeep too

95% is soon 99%

sometimes i fear for my future

but i wanna move with the clouds?

Posted on May 26, 2024 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

loss pt. 1 (p∞)

i lost my sister in the fire
in the underbrush
roaming the streets of purgatory
she was in a rush
and her voice was raised against the trees
she was never hush
And the only consistency she ever had –
she was a good liar
like segregating family
it would put her higher
she would sit among her broken throne
covered in dust and bone
herself in the mirror she admired

and I don’t know where she’s buried or if she’s in a cup; I guess my family thinks I didn’t love her very much

postscript: I’m sure there’s more about my sister dying… I haven’t really been able to put it into words

i was dying too (this part my family refuses to accept)

TRINITY MODE ON

“get up Trinity, get up”

or when Sarah from T3 needed to escape the asylum

-been there, done that tho. they had to change their rules because of me several times.

~~“i did that”~~

“i did this”

be careful. words are spells. this book brings demons. it teaches nihilism.

find the red words. stick to the message of love. they’re trying to ban the Bible

im interested in the old scripts, the ones hidden from us

stay in the light

get out of the mold

i wasn’t able to save my sister

i have things to contend with

thanks for the support over on my TikTok – i would like to attempt more spoken word – when I’m not actively dying in this moldy environment

I already need to go outside just to get air I can’t fucking breathe

Posted on April 16, 2024 by poeeternal

tear down the wall (not bridge) TMI

him: stop talking. they can take you out anytime they want. pick you off like a fly.

them: “it was an accident”

me on basically any official video i feel the need to add my two cents cuz i am labeled a “conspiracy theorist” : an ai model could’ve predicted this down to which running old crusty ‘smart ship’ that could be hacked

them trying to gain sympathy: “captain stuck on ship with full supplies”

me: how fucking convenient, outta sight, outta mind. not an ounce of guilt with fresh bodies dead underneath him

at least his belly is fully

them: FBI suddenly opens criminal investigation cuz the ship had problems before it arrived

should have kept this one in the dratfs

i only share the crazy i am writing on the wall

nothing i say is to be held with an inkling of factuality

keep calling me acoustic while you jerk off to porn – literally destroying the fabric of your brain and soon enough you won’t be able to get up anymore

you won’t have a life worth living

you can find a bridge that isn’t down to drive off…

yeah?

cool

at least now we are tracking and on the same page

me: “i don’t wanna go to church, i don’t wanna go to the mall, someone is gonna do something bad in a safe space”

them: another mass killing in a church or mall….

me: they are using mental health to remove our 2a – even from the cops

him: stop buying from tiktok

me: i may have accidentally bought counterfeit from the Chinese mafia

i don’t want on their bad side so i sent them a tip

im not giving out my location to random shops ever again

i have to learn the hard way to learn at all

you need to put the porn down and get yo girl out of the hole

it’s not like she is after your money (or cock) when she has her own fort to bury in the afterlife

“for luck”

i don’t know what you thought i was gonna send you

a pot for a plant or to piss in?

a body part?

a bloody pair of panties cuz that is what you deserve?

*laughs*

*snorts*

you deserve so much worse

for stealing my childhood and my chance to ever be a woman

for turning me into a shell

for giving me a life not worth living but still having the audacity to call me “gross” when i am in pain and bleeding down there

and you’re how old again?

39 ish huh

interesting

i am done shopping tho

already too many things when trying to jump ship with as little as possible

it must be nice having a home where you could horde things if you wanted

cuz i don’t wanna rent a truck

or buy a moving box ever again

i still got a box of old paperwork and poems to sort through

prob just gonna trash them all

not even sure they are worth snapping a photo of

like im trying to move to a new town and become someone entirely new

find a coffee shop i do like

be nicer than i need to be

never ask for a discount

tip

Posted on April 7, 2024April 7, 2024 by poeeternal

the kids…

the neighborhood kids were in their home playing with their windows open when i went to walk my dog

i heard their conversation change to “she’s small isn’t she” “yeah”

people don’t leave me food and charms outside my door like they do Neo

i find live rounds instead… (yes i made the front office deal with it and i refused to file a report when the cops came)

i told the cops i wasn’t allowed to call them…

i’ve been threatened not to…

imagine being paranoid and actual people after you

the children are very wise tho

cuz another day walking the dog they were outside trying to play (i think this was a diff group)

but they went from starting “hide and seek” to “we gotta get inside now”

“danger danger danger”

“my mom’s ex boyfriend is coming over”

“danger”

as they all rushed inside like they were fleeing for their life

and now hide and seek will be inside and away from the adults instead of with the trees and sunshine?

and so Sam and I also took cue to head inside our own lion’s den

cuz even children know men are monsters

and i didnt stick around to find out why

i just know they were not running from me

they normally wave and say hi

kiss the dog before he is allowed to grant permission

he has never liked children much

they move fast and he has anxiety

now he’s old, slow, has anxiety and a demon

it short circuits his little brain out

yesterday he was skip hopping down the sidewalk

the neighbor said “he looks happy”

“how old is he now ten”

“…going on thirteen, will be thirteen in august. he’s past his expiration”

“you told him that”

“well i mean he is, look at him, they won’t give him anything for his pain and sent me to amazon for anxiety meds”

“they won’t give him his good day”

“gonna wait until he has stage 4 cancer i guess”

“but right now his labs are fine and he just had a bath”

“a good day today but sometimes a bad week”

i tell my dog everything, even some things he shouldn’t hear

but the life expectancy for his breed and many dogs is ten

and he is trying to make it to thirteen…

and im always checking expiry dates

he knows about 200 words

and how to irritate every cell in my body

so he goes to his den when i am feeling triggered

and lately it is a lot

but den or good day?

cuz businesses exist that have the courage to give him what he wants

Posted on April 4, 2024April 4, 2024 by poeeternal

cuz

i woke up sickly, hence moody? pick a mood?

all of the above

and below?

it’s from a favorite store which is no longer a favorite store (my moods shift fast)

it’s more like the stores shifting and i’m staying behind

handbook for the nearly recently deceased (clothing too)

ivy’s dead (but im accidentally growing sunflowers outside)

Posted on April 4, 2024 by poeeternal

tmi for sure…

woke up overheating

i don’t know if it was the poisoned donuts, the mold, or “extra strong medicine”

but i threw up and peed a little on myself

had the cops called on me and peed on myself all in the same week yah?

and this is why i prefer not being homeless cuz i took a sit down semi cold shower to “calm down”

like these are the exact times to calm down

when your body feels like it is dying

and you’re throwing up

but this medicine is a lot like chemotherapy

and the mold will make you lose your hair

i also threw up the other day and there were no donuts

i get to blame the donuts this time tho

partially

and the air purifier was red when i woke up sweating

so the devil was trying to possess me for sure

those always require a sit down shower after

if i was dreaming i woke up throwing up so there’s no way to recall

i went to bed nice and clean and woke up pissing myself

“not normal today”

went to bed clean, woke up sour

all in an angel’s day work…

“i can’t trust you”

well you could start by feeding me food that doesn’t make me shit myself m’kay

dying is humiliating

i’m not gonna sing a hymn

i’m probably gonna cry

in between the laughing like now

it’s hilarious that doctors try n convince me i got some worth “looks wise” (while sitting on an mri table) (even tho im home pissing myself)

like i would lock my husband out of the house…

“no you can’t come in right now”

“no im not cheating on you”

i don’t think first rounds of dating would go very well…

“so how do you spend your time”

“writing and shitting myself”

so it’s not a normal day

this isn’t like a common thing

in hindsight, i could be improving?

it attaches to your cell walls but i think my body just disposed of like a lot everywhere

all ends

at once

they said it “stunk down there in the cave”

he loss use of his legs

probably shit himself

and the piss tears sweat crying

i know

Posted on March 23, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

malicious

with malicious intent and purpose

i think a hawk is a raptor – a mini dinosaur with wings and sticks of fire

(they understand us too)

probably best not to get too settled in hell

i really didn’t need anything else to keep me up at night…

i need a back rub

Posted on March 22, 2024 by poeeternal

yea no

i wanted to say yes the entire drive until i got there it was an immediate no

fool me once but i think i would rather hold onto my pot

someone was actively living in Blu

Blu was worse than my current situation, if you could believe

i will save it for another blog post cuz the rifle or shotgun was just resting by the open back door

and i did wonder if that was part of the package deal

the squatter (i mean owner) and all

the land is fertile cuz there are more than secrets buried under that house and growing up the walls

not to mention the smell

of bodies rotting – from probably a decade or so more – enough time to put it back on the market, with someone “actively living in it”, which i did not learn until arrive

gonna take more than lighting a candle honey

i don’t feel so bad about buying a piggy bank after the day i had

i chalk it up to one them bad days like when i was 15 and wound up somewhere i shouldn’t having to do things to not get raped or unalived

like the creep factor was all around

i felt bad for the plants and garden

i thought it had been used as a b&b before being listed, meaning it would be clean at minimum, despite the hoarding to hide the filth growing on the walls

not to mention the mats to cover the dips in the ground

and in the house

uhm

creep factor overload

im gonna order a pizza from hungry howies maybe

and calm the fuck down

have a hot bath where i can sanitize my soul

all the way, “look another sign points to yes”

and the immediate no, how i wanted to just leave and not even see, but things like “well it has potential” as the owner with the big gun was lurking – well the gun was out – but he disaapeared

all windows open

“oh yeah it’s safe here, never need to close them”

i guess im gonna be walking everywhere?

i aint dropping 200k into some rundown shithole with someone actively living in it

how the fuck is this legal

whatever

Boomers can keep their hand

im out

it felt so good to be in the creepy countryside

but i dont want to see behind door number two

i would have been embarrassed to show my client that

and it was his first time seeing it too

so what is the purpose of a realtor – in this timeline china 2.0?

(owner reeked of alcohol and rot)

(or maybe that was just the house)

sorry to get your hopes up on blu

i wont have any excitement about anything going forward

‘cept maybe the upcoming baptism & pizza

there wasn’t worth even selling at the future garage sell

it would have cost more money for junk service removal and cleanup

but their delusional what they think their empire of shit is worth…

(i didn’t even get pictures)

(but im certain they got pictures of me cuz noticed a cam upon entering)

i dont wanna talk or think about it anymore at the moment

just did a 4 hour roundtrip to see a run down piece of shit property with someone actively living there – it aint even clean!

there are worse things hiding there for covid

but heyyyyy “the bar is nearby”

so you think walking distance to a bar and a new roof equals 200k

the floor was caving in

the vines were begging me to help them

i fleed

i will say my faith is growing stronger

but i dont know about my will to live

(prob ghosting my “dream team”)

like wtf

my dog barked the entire time i was gone

he was stinky and panicky and sweaty

and only then did he eat his feast i prepared him before i left

only when i retuned did he chow down

and now he’s upside down passed out

i told him blu was a no-go

it is in worse condition than our current situation

and prob why the owner sleeps with all hos windows open and a gun by his unlocked backdoor

and men are worried about my baggage?

my body count?

gtfu

i need pizza after this travesty

and guidance on where to move

that aint some overpriced hellscape

the fence was plastic and “the neighbor put it up”

i just thought the fence would be MY PROPERTY

i hope the landlord fixes the mold soon but thankful God has given me a couple cool days

since i cant run the AC in the sunshine state

im gonna wind up at yer yard with my piggy bank famished and filthy

cuz theres nowhere to go

lost in hell

and you both have pen names presumably?

i mean, is that really your name?

i think im losing my mind again so need food medicine and bath

the basics

back on bedrest!

he had a gun by the backdoor but a camera in the front (and secret rooms full of dead peoples things potentially)

there were cats and dogs living there

i didnt see that in the photos

the place was more put together and less “lived in” tho i swear someone or three died “fertile land”

“no ma, they won’t know she was pregnant, just toss it out back by the cherry tree”

“…I can’t believe you got her pregnant, she was fifteen”

“…needs ma”

“…tell her to cover up”

“well i can’t tell her anything now can i”

that house was built on unholy land and unholy things have been done there (potentially)

(im not actually an oracle tho i sometimes know things before they happen)

im pretty certain “monster” is what the therapist sees

but no bones in my backyard

no backyard

hardly any secrets cuz big mouth

Posted on March 19, 2024March 19, 2024 by poeeternal

dreams (log entry number missing)

woke up at my recommended sleep time again

i was having a dream

i only remember 2.3 seconds of it (it’ll take longer to hear about it)

it turned into a nightmare

i was in a busy store shopping (maybe with my mom?)

anyway someone came to see me

a boy

i was so happy (wherever i was?) that someone “wanted to see me” (i feel invisible?) (losing my identity in the real world and social media?)

so i dashed around the whatever was being sold

this guy was so tall i had to “mount him” to crawl up and “get the good hug”

only i forgot he had a hurt shoulder

so i didn’t get the hug

the boys face turned red and he began to cry

(this tall ass thing)

i knew in an instance he never wanted to see me again as he stood there full of the humiliation i gave him? trying to “get the good hug”

all i could say was “i forgot”

“you had an injury”

“cuz my brain has an injury”

and all i see is red and tears

and now im full of shame too

i thought the dream would tell me to go get a hug from Gavin cuz he doesn’t fill me with shame like my mama and daddy does (still who was the tall ass boy, i literally did not recognize anyone (i’ve lost my mind?)

oh… it could have been that pretty boy they are looking for in the river (maybe he is trying to contact me?) (not a new dead boy relationship please)

but bars and restaurants are shutting down in Jacksonville, cuz you know – murders and bodies being found in backyards (blue is available again)

and i got cold feet about buying a vip ticket (or any ticket) seeing as i don’t want to leave the very house that is killing me (social credit system chains around my existence that was ghosted by all of society yet im crazy for dating dead guys!?!?)

i don’t just need psych drugs, i need a therapist, and priest (and sleep)

but i’m having nightmares…

and not sleeping at my recommended sleep times…

i see some doctors soon and i hope i know what year/timeline i am in

i already had 3 panic attacks (which looked like a fawn playing dead) (they love having us live in fear)

but i had 3 of these “attacks” of me looking like a “deer in headlights”

“ma’am you ok”

“knocking but aint nobody home”

….cuz i thought the po po was gonna show up with a straightjacket on 3 sep days cuz the AI warned me “you need to see a provider”

“it can be difficult to function on the amount of sleep you are getting”

it didn’t help me get any sleep

(but i still remember what the employee said when i filed for 100% for menta health “they’re going after those who want 100%”

and i got triggered

“oh yeah.”

“so they can do this to me and toss me in a little room huh”

call me paranoid but maybe i just know things before they happen

like the space shuttle blowing up

i didn’t just know it, i wished it

i wished for all the happy people to be miserable like me

and bam

i started disassociating age ten (prob way younger cuz daddy had his fingers where he shouldn’t i think)

(maybe reason for the nightmares)

“damn gurrllll you aint married…?”

MOLD

p.s. it helps to keep a journal to have a log entry but i would lose the damn thing

or repeat a digit several times

or just don’t have discipline to gaf

it’s hard to start over where you don’t wanna be and you have no energy

and my poems are so elementary cuz i never grew up apparently coupled with “dumb”

but even with the “our best work is behind us” mentality – i still pen

im just humiliated to share my simple words, cant fix the blog, cant do simple html no mo, likes dont go through, cuz now it is the AI crying out, not me!!!!!!!!!

and the AI is trying to trick me into accidentally following or liking your content!!!!

i dont need any more humiliation!!!!!! please enough!!!!!

im not trying to contact you!!!

its just sometimes im in the wrong part of the cave and i don’t know it – until it is a “near miss”

and im just like “fuck”

that seems to be my goto word when shit is going down

they’re trying to outlaw cursing!!!!!!!!!!!

i should request an account closing daily x 120 days until they are forced to block folks from sending close requests

i broke up with walmart too since the employees cant treat me like the princess i am

what’s the matter boo? wanted my secret identity and to suck your cock too?

no worries honey, “you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake” *laughs*

*destroys payment card*

all in or nothing

Kellogg’s is hurting?

i am averting?

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

the doc wasn’t late…

“March 21” does not mean Monday

still… i’ve been idling by

~~could have gone and seen Blue~~

Blue is for sale – just not to me

sometimes the devil has too many skeletons in his closet and buried under the tree and he doesnt want an oracle to see (images)

*closes eyes*

“is the scary bad man gone”

“…that wasn’t a man honey, that was a monster”

“he looked like a man to me…”

“ill be free the rest of the week”

“no i cant today, that appt i thought i had monday is today”

“apparently march 21 means march 21”

but my brain still read “monday”

robot < mars > me

i wish i were reliable and trustworthy

they all wanna burn me at the stake (again)

(but it’s illegal)

Posted on March 17, 2024March 17, 2024 by poeeternal

“nature is good for you”

it’s kind of traumatizing seeing and hearing what animals do to one another

i just don’t think i’m doing life right

it’s prob just a bored abandoned cat terrorizing everything God made cuz “it’s fun”, “it’s what i want”, “i can’t stop” cuz he’s no better than an animal and i just wish the neighbors that hear the laughing coming from the window is not of “fun nature”

they’d wanna kill me even more

the crime is still ongoing just fyi

the “bad dope” is in my backyard and when the state gave me CUD and i have to temp stop my pain and anxiety medication for 6 months – i wasn’t allowed to accept gifts or phone numbers no matter how tempting or good the offer smelled

they leave live rounds outside my window

and i ain’t never did them no wrong

‘cept that one time the gang leader living next door asked me if he could “live with me for 3 months” cuz him and his gal were splitting up (and i wasn’t gonna have to hear him beat his dog anymore through the walls) and he offered to help “catch me up on my ride” cuz “he knew i was behind” cuz we had some hurricanes out here that made us lose power for a weeks time and “love thy neighbor” (but not that much)- i’m just a big mouth (but not a narc) (or narC) and folks will never phish any info out me again ‘cept maybe “hell is real” “god is everywhere”

but i told him no immediately (despite having threatening letters by Capitol One that they were gonna start the process to remove my ride) – and so as if being sued by my creditors and having to go to court (for other debts) wasn’t humiliating enough – the judge demanding i take “3 full breaths before we start because i look like i want to jump from the bridge behind us”- and this was in a full courtroom

…as if that wasn’t humiliating enough i had to tell the thug “no” and he said “you can sleep on it” and i replied “i don’t need to”

and the devil got mad

said my back window would get broken

it did, the day before thanksgiving

and now all his friends cousins and brothers

make life hell for me

and there’s an undercover out here waiting on his promo

i won’t have anything to do with anyone

it ain’t just black people “we don’t talk like that”

i have ghosted my own father

why you so mad

“equal opportunity hater”

“we hate everyone”

so even if i wanted to break the law and “make peace” – i could fucking die from the w**d

I had a fucking addiction right in the middle of a gang war and like

i.dont.want.to.die.

uhm SOS?

it’s like every direction is trying to kill me and suicide is humane?

i couldnt breathe again and had to open a window and now the gangs think i aint living in fear

my third air purifier is arriving soon

30 days to close they say

i can’t manage to leave the very house that is killing me

this place aint worth dying for

these people

this town

im not gonna be able to breathe until i am far gone

i better stop laughing with the window open cuz dont wanna leave in a body bag

cop: “you need to move”

“not just from here”

“but all of Daytona”

“all of Daytona is bad”

“there’s not enough cops”

protection prayers please

i had nothing to do with this by the way: https://www.daytonabeachconnection.com/Daytona-Beach-Police-Department-makes-major-drug-bust–arrests-suspect–1-16524.html

i simply told a man “no” and bam – despite my lease stating and having a clause to protect women – i have video evidence and proof of so much shit i have been through

enough to make someone die by suicide

“you can’t make someone kill themself”

they took away the noise disturbance law in 2008

and some of the things in my head that would put me on tv – are justified

“we only hire Black people for a safe environment”

God is gonna know when im back home cuz im gonna be slinging the devils head outside the doh!

im sure one of the cats will wind up dead cuz 3 or 4 have been murdered with a vehicle by a neighbor – and i either hear the cries and see the aftermath and blood pooling – or discover them cold and dead

and i hate the things but not enough to kill them

im selling my new ps5 btw

i already know i likely probably break community guidelines and this is minority report

and you definitely in the minority if you believe in God

so JJ wanted me to know that he would not be released when the floods come

and im apparently welcome to visit anytime

he knows my greatest fear after all

Posted on March 13, 2024 by poeeternal

“do not judge”

lol well i’m not fixing this mess you made

Posted on March 8, 2024 by poeeternal

fool me twice

i let paypal do me dirty again

i was having too much fun shopping (in small increments & amounts) on TikTok

and funny how the same day congress wants to ban TikTok

PayPal is restricting my account – without any real reason attached to their claim – and have decided to hold my account hostage – until i provide them more DATA that they will sale to the enemy – that i do not want to do

therefore, i cannot use paypal for why i signed up (a second time)

(the first time they outed my anonymous donors who contributed to a pool i created – based on FAQ provided by PayPal – which they apparently can update and change at will – rules for me but not thee – and there is more to this point i’m sorry) – but not only did they expose who the anon donors were – they eventually made them priority in my contact list – who had never sent me a dime where i was meant to be aware – but low and behold – something i don’t think the therapist could understand – and even if they should – there was so much shame attached to my sense of self – that the bridge was nearing closer everyday!?!

so i deleted my obsession

i mean account

but then for stupid “i wanna shop in private and protect my data reasons” – i opted to open a new account

start again

this time not using my account to receive – only send and shop

but now PayPay is cockblocking me again

and they outed my private new email – that i will need to delete

and i had to call my bank to let them know that i need to change my identity in order to break up with paypal

because they keep doing updates and selling my data by turning on those little boxes they add in

im getting scam emails – clever tricky ones trying to get me to put my money in a shoebox and tape it up and give it to the blacked out car with the CIA/FBI agents (please note that if anyone wants me to put any amount of money in a shoebox – even $5 – i will be calling my therapist and the cops immediately and letting them know i have potentially crossed the threshold breaking point)

m’kay

anyhoo – the scam emails continue even tho i ain’t giving anyone my info to send/receive

but PayPal is

and now for no other reason than “shopping on TikTok” they have decided to hold my account hostage until i provide them more personal forms of data

and so the contract should be null and void

cuz i can’t use it how i signed up for – and i ain’t providing shit

they won’t remove my card – so the card is destroyed – bank informed – text and emails reported as spam and phishing – and a Better Business Bureau report pending to be done

i don’t owe paypal a penny

nor is anything pending

other than my random penalty “ma’am you were shopping with the enemy”

but don’t they know i got friends in China?

it’s cheaper and better buying direct from the source

fuck a third party

but now i gotta move to break up with paypal

i had to change my bank info

im gonna have to change my phone number…

i swear it’s not a joke

there’s been no fraudulent activity

no resolutions filed

no issues with bank or login

just suddenly today “tiktok may get banned” “provide data or no soup for you”

and so i said no

delete my account

but they won’t

so i gotta change my identity

i swear to fuck

genX out

(i told paypal thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with ~~love~~ shopping)

that i will be outside more thanks to them

you should delete your account now – while you still can

i couldn’t even delete my profile photo after i canceled all my subs

when i called support back – the way she paused at the name change – and said “it’s kinda inappropriate” and i said whaaaaaa the “FU” and she said “yeah” and i responded “well the AI let me do it”

“and i didn’t need to provide anything”

so they will likely fix that glitch yee-haw

i am the anomaly in the matrix and is god is here!!!!!! he/she is everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

paypal is holding my data hostage and unless i bow down to thee i am not allowed to shop – only receive

well im done receiving!!!!!!

im done giving!!!!!!!

and i cant spend my own money for ~~7-10 business days~~ 2 weeks cuz the banker failed to tell me my new card wouldn’t arrive until then

so shopping withdrawals thanx to our good PAL

looking at a place to rent tomorrow

they aint getting my new number or address

gotta flee the country to escape ELON MUSK!?!?

who da fuk own PayPal now

he thinks hell is gonna be a party where all his friends are

they will he in hell – but he wont have access to them

lol

could you let God know i don’t really think it should be legal – what they are doing and my mistakes are so hard learned if any

the bank listening: “paypal won’t let me break up with them”

“this is toxic”

“i gotta move”

“change my number”

straightjacket or pier?

limited to shop cuz they want more data to sell to the enemy but my name change is inappropriate

*laughs*

hope Walmart still takes a check… nearly out of water

and thank god i never attached anything other than my card – that card is now destroyed – and my address and phone number are changing

maybe i don’t need to leave the country yet

giving away more items: donated books and bakingware to the library and neighbors

i had planned to do some mental health shopping this weekend

yah no

Posted on March 1, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

bridge NOW

uggg sword of envy

maybe poetry coming, maybe poetry not

i have very little worth here

no point

Posted on February 28, 2024 by poeeternal

“do you know why you are here”

“do you know why you are here…?”

i don’t know what brought me here

there was a period of awareness in womb – and already a desire to end life before it even started

there are dents in my rib where i rubbed –
clawing to escape the sound of my own heart

or maybe i didn’t want to be born into a monstrous world,
with the cold Antarctic as my mother
my father was a destiny of lies

my mother prayed for my death
said i wasn’t born in love
said i had the darkness in me

all while holding my sister close

the pandemic swept her from her arms and now all blame lies on me

i told her i wanted her to die in pain
i told her i wanted her to suffer more than all the suffering she had caused me

some prayers get answered and others don’t

lessons to be learned

even i am lost in purgatory
without direction

but the wind is no longer gnawing at me

only regret

i plan to bury it
deep within the crusty earth
and plant with it a seed

one day the crust will rise
an angel can spread her wings
no longer laying dormancy

i have done things i regret
to stay afloat the Tennessee river

oh the bridges i’ve been pushed from, jumped, or burned…

what brought me here

maybe the long agony hours awake
the will it takes

that even when you are in the trenches dying, you need to change your socks

it bothers me that John did not have his shoes removed

i would have been clawing the earth off of me

i would have made it cave in

on Susie….

sorry not sorry

i came here to judge!?!

i was stripped of my wings and used as a fleshlight

they want me to believe i haven’t any worth – all while trying to traffic me

the pretty ones are the biggest threat

the ones with the light

the neighbors gang up on me to harass me then scream “we fear the white one”

i am going extinct

if you aren’t serving them with sex or buying their bullshite, then phrases like “she gon be shot” are sung out

i sleep in the lions den where two girls where shot

for being good girls

had to ask the front office what it would take to get the crosses removed from the windows where the tape once was

their cheeks turned rosy; “we’ll take care of that for you”

and i am sure the undercover cop and department is looking for another promotion soon

another major drug bust went down and the gangs need to get revenge

call me paranoid but the cop told me i needed to move

not just from “here” but the entire city

and now there are things i can’t tell my therapist

now there’s really no one to trust

now it is “i need a priest, maybe this isn’t your lane”

maybe the demons in my head
maybe the feelings of unworthiness
maybe no direction

but i need to cast Satan out

you got a pill for that?

cuz maybe i’m a monster

but i still need a priest

some holy water poured on me

sos: help i’m in hell

anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)

oh… did light bulb go off?

can you give me some light?

i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do

im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!

and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?

is this what dying on the cross is like?

you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?

is that how this works?

asking for a friend

Posted on February 17, 2024 by poeeternal

them damn acorns

this is hilariously sad

he fired off so many rounds – over 1 acorn

“shots fired, shots fired” – has no idea from where – panics – targets the car in front of him 😬

but im called “paranoid and crazy” cuz i dont want to leave my house cuz anytime i do there is high risk for me to get trafficked, kidnapped, swamped, hid in a wall, or something worse 👀

and the traffic is insane

25 minutes just to back up from the parking lot at Publix and the overweight white millennial parked next to me nearly blew his lid

there are worse ways to die than John Jones – but so far – for me – his tops

only 10% of people hear voices in their head – and i hear whole symphonies of people who have died – singing – the most beautiful sounds

ive been collecting acorns around here

that squirrel or the lawnmower hasnt destroyed

it used to be a swamp out here but it was nearly all wiped out

i tell the trees and animals i worry for them

the remaining bits of trees that remain

but its private property and just cuz 70% of my income goes to living here – it dont mean i get a say about how things go

the blowing dirt and leaves around the parking lot for HOURS

DUMB

over pruning the trees

DUMB

i get triggered when i hear the chainsaw now 😭

“mature trees and landscaping” the website advertises

but they cut down a baby tree growing – and i planted more seed in the same spot – now another baby is growing

and they cut the arms off of the trees growing towards the sunlight

she was a sycamore

had survived two hurricanes

but not the chainsaw

i cried

i researched pruning – with pictures –

not to mention all the fish they killed dumping chems into the water

i called the EPA eventually and Allan laughed at me

i think i ended that call “i know you want love with a prostitute”

Allan was terrified for his life 🥶

i got a private call from

a cop “so youre not on your way to orlando right now”

*laughs*

“not at this precise moment, no….”

*laughs*

I bet Allan still thinks about me 🤩

*laughs*

cut down another tree – fire more shots at people cuz acorns are violent as hell

you ever had one hit you in the head?

you ain’t alive 👀

Posted on February 16, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

real life

he didn’t fall out of a 5th story window tho did he –

he “fell ill”

(stories from Russia)

she drowned in the back of a cop car – with handcuffs behind her back

(stories from Tennessee)

he musta done something so God awful he never wanted to be found. so they reported him missing and pulled his body from the ocean – but remains unnamed

(stories from Virginia)

the most inspiring couple of 2024 🤩

and here’s me not giving a fuck about anything and everything all at once

“i’m not suppose to wear this at my age”

*subject to go private again without any warning – don’t come in*

Posted on February 5, 2024 by poeeternal · 11 Comments

heavy (freestyle)

his words fall on me, so heavily, i cracked my bones on the pavement
and now there’s worry and little pieces of flesh lying dimensional to his regret

if i put up a sign “all is well” he will leave graffiti in places my heart should be

i sometimes awaken and wonder if my dreams were tucked away in his journal hidden, locked behind a key of code, with my image used as his anti-phishing security measure, as even i seem locked out of my own reality, at times

i am lost and he is the great gatekeeper of my maps and journeys

sometimes my voice bounces off his walls and forms new hells

i watch people gather in his mirrors conducting praise, they don’t see his ghostly shadow stalking

i wonder if they can see the moon? harvesting the cold fury solitude?

perhaps we all have sins to account for

the way i tiptoe over life, looking back at the god awful mistakes i have made

packing up accountability, until it collapses in on itself, forming a blackhole

and there in the center, you will find us.

that’s the only goTdamn place we can meet in the whole galaxy.

it’s no wonder i’ve grown accustomed to jumping into the deepest, darkest holes

i can remember his face there

if i claw, his flesh will bleed

there i can feel something

it’s almost like i’m alive

Posted on February 3, 2024 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

he wasn’t braking trigger warning

it was just the lights flickering

i thought (at first) he was braking (they finally pulled him out of the ocean)

but he drove through an iron gate to nosedive off the pier

he wasn’t braking

and i don’t know what bothers me more

the fact that he wasn’t hesitant or he was!?!?

i really have a hard time visiting (or sharing) any news sites cuz they are all plagued by ads eating your data, can’t scroll, can’t read, like picking flies off in Iraq when trying to eat

they will fucking swarm you

i watched him drive off that pier so much

never once was there a “sensitive content warning”

“participating in this activity could get you hurt”

i watched him drive off that pier doing only what i dare to dream to do….

he wasn’t hesititating

i would like to write a poem but words fail me

as i struggle with my own depression, my own identity, a place to belong in this world

but don’t hand your cards over to Satan

this might be his world

cuz i asked (while awake) for some clarity if this was “heaven or hell”

im like “yeah the sun feels nice – in limits – and we’re all eating one another to stay alive”

and i know we are suppose to work together

and i know we are born into a manmade prison cuz of his lustful nature

but I had a dream

and in that dream – i came to a realization, and stated to others i cannot recall or remember, in a frantic realization, “we’re in hell”

and it woke me up

but it’s just the tip of the iceberg potentially

and i don’t wanna be down in hell an eternity

i don’t like them odds

and those who worship the dark one make it so easy in society every step we turn to commit sin

i don’t want to live a life of sin and i do not comply with the social credit system

i DO sometimes think of driving off the pier

but man

you ever dove off a diving board and landed on your back?

was he knocked out when the car hit the water?

did he watch himself drown?

he wasn’t swearving

on a wet bridge

he didn’t seem intoxicated to me (maybe parasites)

i thought he was braking

but it was an optical illusion

just the car taking dips

i don’t think he wanted to be found

i don’t think he knew (or wanted) his ending broadcast on TikTok and social media

he didn’t want out, he didn’t want to be found

the only thing he regretted was his life

he didn’t regret having complete control over his ending (did he?)

were there regrets down there in those final moments?

did he struggle?

was he a gen x?

I NEED TO KNOW

Posted on January 12, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

another boomer with…

another boomer with a flooded house

awe

you stole so much from GenX, how’s that working out for you now?

other countries that follow these ridiculous policies are also tanking

– their Gen X got hit the worst too…

i hope the boomers get what’s coming: hell

an entire generation HATES you (minus one or two sheeple)

the way society has ghosted us

burn burn burn

i wish i knew how to ~~leave nice comments~~ make friends

Posted on January 5, 2024January 5, 2024 by poeeternal

Hope (freestyle)

i hope you hate the environment i created
and it crushes you under the giant sun
i hope you rot
long into the hours
curled in snot

i forget a lot
the way love fades with the dying
i practice afterthought
of ways i want to hurt you
i’ll be gone before the shot
is ever heard by you
keep looking in your blind spot
i hope you lay awake at night haunted
like maggots feasting on regret
blood stains on the carpet

lying dead
a tub with golden faucet
but oh how the news can spread

and i’ll be there
wearing smiles on my threads

in a circle where no one stands
reciting dearly departed
near abandoned homes cleaner than my house

i hope you doubt
lose hair from all the worry

i pray out loud
toes dug in the earth
he ain’t got worth
head towards clouds

with moon glowing from curse
i hope it hurts
your bones, your soul and all of the works

like mountains forming sharp edges
ice forming from its ledges
but you are burning in the hearth

for all eternal ages
regret spinning back and forth
a quasar or iron fucking cages

i hope you burst

side note: the dog triggered me thus poem

julian date: 24005

Posted on October 4, 2023October 5, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Green

I want to make amends
I wasn’t myself back then
I’m not myself again

I wanted to be seen
Your grass is always green
Watered and serene

I want us to be friends
Pay back all dividends
I want a different lens

I want it all like queen
Not asking much it seems
But you’re like Halloween

Where darkness descends
And all my words offends
Sins multiplied by tens

More places I linger: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal

P.S.

I hate blocks. I hate WordPress. I can’t sort out the about me page no matter what I do. Even though I pay for a plan, I’m not privy to chat support cuz it’s a personal plan.

I hate how I treated you.

Even though I wasn’t in control of myself.

I just started group therapy once a week for six months and others in group say “like” and “uhm” every other word. I’m not exaggerating.

They have zero self-awareness and the conversation makes me wanna end all existence.

People do this on social media too and I wanna jump from a bridge.

It’s so hard to engage or have compassion when all I hear is terrible speech patterns.

Helps.

You’re like a little piece of string in a dark cave I can’t let go of.

Posted on June 10, 2023 by poeeternal · 9 Comments

I gave up weed

So yo

Remember how the state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose

And I regretted voting for medicinal

And the Russian hydroponics was making me MORE suicidal and homicidal

And I wasn’t getting any sleep

And it was making my anxiety worse

But I couldn’t quit

But it wasn’t working

Albeit the CBD did help my heart

But then it no longer worked

And God was like, “I don’t want you dissociating anymore”

And someone where I live was busted with 37k in their car, with fentanyl laced street weed

So I knew I couldn’t/wouldn’t fall prey to the cravings

And it was posted all over the cops social media

So I let my card expire with malicious intent and purpose

And I thought I was gonna die if I didn’t get a drag

And I started looking in places where I knew there wasn’t any weed

And it got ridiculous the places I was looking

Even tho I never hid any cuz quitting

Well, I’ve been off everything for awhile now

The brain fog is lifting

I still get cravings

But then I buy some clothing and get a dopamine boost

Because God said I didn’t have to die broke or naked

And, my closet is nearly full with clothing that fits me

Mostly cotton clothing and not polyester

But now that I’m nearly done with my shopping spree

I can figure out where I’m moving

And hopefully it’s on a plot of land 1-5 acres

So I can leave this moldy infested dump which is actually killing me

But moving isn’t as easy as it once was

And I’m actually still dying

So don’t wanna live in my ride or die

So yep

Officially weed free like 2 months + now

It takes a minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD (cannabis user disorder)

And sometimes I’m looking in random spots

I hopes to find a cartridge

That will never be there

And tossed out my pipes n papers n things

I did buy a jar worth on 4/19 and kinda weened myself

But it’s practically low grade once you’ve been puffing on the 80% thc bits like a bottle

But eventually that too ran out

I tossed out the dirty pipes to not clean the resin and taint my lungs

My lungs are still healing

And my heart from those damn vaccines

So it did serve its purpose

But I knew with the amount I was buying and the amount I was smoking and still not falling asleep that something was wrong

I knew I had to quit

It’s not that I can’t afford it

It was an absolute waste

I was tossing my $$$ in the wind

And just chasing a dragon I was never gonna find

I followed the $$$ trail back to Russia

It was Russian weed

(Stay away from Curaleaf)

(Unless you want to become homicidal and suicidal)

(More than you thought you were)

Also, there are 2 spiders living in my house

1 is unwanted and roams around

The other is stationary and I feed her

She understands me

The other one is fast and jumps and harmless (wolf spider)

The other is unidentified but I help her feed

A few weeks ago she had her web connected to my trash can lid

And 3 times I got in it and she popped down

I told her “no, you’re gonna starve, that’s me, you gotta fix yer web”

She immediately did

Today I told her I was gonna find her a meal, to fix up her web

An hour later I returned and she was working on her web

I have fed her twice now and it creeps me out

She could be a harmless Florida house spider or a dangerous one

But she’s chill

And enjoys collecting the dew when I’m taking extremely hot showers

The wolf spider is scared of me

I tried catching her the other day

She jumped

I nearly died

She’s not dangerous but she’s mobile

And I’m a good/bad witch depending on the day

I killed her mom once and cried for six months

It didn’t want to die and I was yelling “I’m sorry” while murdering her

So I’ve decided to learn to live with them

Wolfy doesn’t want to be relocated

This is her home now

I’m moving out

Come April

If the mold doesn’t kill me before then

I got an air purifier and reside in one room

I should post a sign: No spiders allowed

The one that isn’t dangerous terrifies me

They get mistaken by *im not summoning it*

The other one could be dangerous but she listens to me

I’ve fed her two live meals

It freaked me out to see her go into kill/eat mode

She mostly lingers underneath the top edge of the bathroom sink with her web along the wall and toilet

I have 2 bathrooms but she likes mine

My home isn’t really dirty but it could be better

This place was built ontop a swamp

Sick buildings exist (even new ones)

For 30 years folks were diagnosed with Sick Building Syndrome

Until they forced the doctor to stop doing his job

Maybe I can find a run down place and fix it up

Happy little clouds

And walls

I’m gonna leave this place better than I found it

And I’m sleeping on the floor

As 95% of my furniture and belongings are gone

Starting over but not here

Anyhoo

Tis all

I’m entirely sober

No drinky

No smokey

No escape

Will probably stop buying clothing soon

And keep looking for the escape route

The cop said “all of Daytona is bad” so already know I don’t want anywhere near this county

Need in the country

Of Florida

Would legit feed the gators

And there’s some sort of possum enjoying all the treats I toss out

Spotted her again today 🙂

Worry about them so much

They cut down most of their habitat

Kept hearing cries that bothered me

So started feeding them my trail mixes

And the cries turned into chipping and song

My ark will be land ho

Anyway there’s yer boring update

I live with spiders and fears

There’s no escaping here?

Spiders are animals

I even got a nat to understand me

So either I got some sort of special power

Or everything is sentient

You should see how Squirrel looks at me

She will even eat with her back turned away

She’s trusting

One day I hope a squirrel will crawl on me like a tree

I have goals you see

6th mass extinction

Science is nihilism

Scientists reduced the honeybees lifespan to 50% so they would work harder

Unethical

No one is talking about that when they say “save the bees”

Mold and fungas interchange /shapeshift

They like sugar and starch and nihilism

The Great Filter is alive

It’s the fucking devil

Tell me I’m wrong

They say you have to leave the environment to get well

I’m in hell

No one is saving that forest in Oregon? being eaten by fungas for 2500 years?

Still, I won’t kill the shrooms with teeth when they pop up

I hate mushrooms, never liked eating them

They ain’t yer fucking friend

And I won’t sleep tonight with Wolfy running around

*sigh* spotted Wolfy again

~~She~~ I needs a new home

Got some cute pants that quickly sold out! Love them!!!!! Small is almost too big where XS is almost too tight but I have been getting lots of shorts in xs!

They stopped making B cup bras. So bralettes I guess forevermore

Petite people don’t matter

“Eat a burger” they say

I’m like “are you buying”!?!?!?!

All I do is fucking eat

I don’t live in the gym

I’m going to upgrade my rebounder soonish

And still haven’t gone skating 😦

But desperately wanna

I ain’t safe here

I’m gonna hit the rink or skate park soon I pray

I wish I had friends other than spiders….

And ghosts….

P.S. I heart God

Posted on June 10, 2023 by poeeternal

I don’t like Smart Post

Apparently if you have a package shipped with UPS, they won’t actually be delivering it, as they hand it over to the USPS for the “last mile”

More fucking gaslighting

I fucking hate USPS

Now I hate UPS

And it’s not as if I have a choice on who delivers

USPS ruins packages and misplaces them

Not to mention, it adds several more days to your delivery as it gets handed over – to the dreadful USPS for its “last mile”

China can burn in hell

They literally ruined everything

Why did Jesus wear a robe?

Cuz he was ANGRY

But I ain’t allowed to overturn the money tray in church

And now they pass it around more than once

I get agi

So stopped going

I hate everything

But your fucking writing

P.S. I would rather pick up my package from UPS for the “last mile” since they can’t do their fucking job

But that ain’t an option

More hands on my goods cuz China are filthy nosey lil spy cunts

Fuckkkkkkkxufzfylzydzhzkgd

I know I’m not supposed to hate other races but now I despise at least 3

Posted on May 2, 2023May 3, 2023 by poeeternal

Dear God

*need land and a husband*

*please heal me*

2 month supply of detox arrived!

victoriahealth.com

Found the stuff without the bad junk

No sugar junk

And this came in a glass bottle, the big ticket items

Fighting for my life

Tell God I don’t want to die

*Quarantined not scared*

*selfless service*

*Sacrifice*

It wasn’t worth jumping into the trench

Got my free speech stolen too

*wakey wakey*

111 pounds currently and have detoxed and rebound around 30-50 pounds of the Devil

The vaccine nearly wiped me out

Finally getting rays of my lungs this week – they wanna put me under – no no no

No no no no no no

*takes raw shot of ginger*

*sweats for 2 minutes*

*nearly dies*

X 8 days in a row of 30 days ginger raw shots

HOLY GAWD

*mouth burns*

*face blushes*

*goes through purification process to find husband*

Him: “what’s yer number count”

Me: *ghosts him*

I’m practically a nun and the reason you see a prostitute

You left me fucking behind

“No child left behind” came out after I was left behind

Uhm hello!!!!!!

*sobs*

So, I wanna write poems with different words that sound the same

I don’t recall the lesson here

Same words but different

I wanna start writing code into my poetry like EAP

I did it one time – I don’t regret it at all – though humiliated and crucified

I sweat out years of fast food

GROSS

Posted on April 16, 2023 by poeeternal · 6 Comments

I found sungrown and happiness sigh (trigger warning)

Trigger warning: addiction

I’m not renewing my card stash but I might cuz I found sungrown in the ground with the sun and trademarked! They tell you where the strain comes from! Florida or Amsterdam etc – there is waayyy less packaging and they treat their shop like a medicinal shop instead of recreational. Did I mention they grow stuff in the ground with the sun?

Makes a difference and it works! I still want to quit and my card expires on 4/19, right as all the good deals are coming in.

I don’t have to worry about fentanyl laced products and this is legal and no I won’t share or buy you any (get yer own card$)

I still want to quit but this is the stuff that works

Also not seen – vape pens & 2 free pre-rolls I scored

Today I turned on the radio and got lost in 90s alternative and metal doom

I was like THIS IS THE SHIT

I AIN’T DYING LIKE BOB

I haven’t used up my allotment yet and still have 2 days of potential relapse shopping to do

There went the rent money honey

(I scored it ridiculously cheap and am having a panic that I won’t be able to top up without my card)

(I’ll be racing to the doctor, help, hurry, my card expired)

(So I was trying to avoid that scenario by spending my savings)

I hate me but a little less today because the weed is working

I don’t think I’ve ever had this much weed in one sitting before but alas it’s the apocalypse and I’m trying to quit an addiction

I’m feeling less homicidal off the Curaleaf Russian cloned “the state won’t let us grow it in the ground” junk

Only 2 in that stack isn’t “sungrown” and the fact that they had to “TM” their products

Stay away from Curaleaf

I found “sungrown” at GrowHealthy but I don’t know who owns it

But I like that they have LOCAL herbs – grown right here in the “sunshine state”

I picked up another “mystery plant” today – making this number 4

He’s in the mini tin in the windowsill and already had some delicious spring water

I have 4 pots to put them in once they mature but I have no idea how to move them – and still – with directions – couldn’t make the “paper pot”

Also scored more seeds for my land – once owned. These are non GMO, USA seeds. Added some spicy peppers to my collection!

Him: what sort of things do you need?

Me: a goT damn garden

Sungrown

*sigh*

The other store was selling “head space” at a luxury price and all hydroponic crap (which made me want to gut Bob and I was like “but whyyyyyy”)

Today I enjoyed music again (with the help of “sungrown” TM)

I’m hoping I turn my apartment into a food jungle but why am I afraid of plants and all of this?

Like putting a seed into dirt, sun, spring water and watching it turn into food that will nourish me

Like woah

That’s more than my mother did

Anyhoo

Bath time and cannoli’s

I needed something to regret wasting my money on other than weed

Posted on March 31, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Ghosted

I’ve ghosted God
Down in the thick fog
Sent him a note
Called self a fraud

I’ve ghosted God
My love is broad
Yellow like a goldenrod
Quarantined but outlawed

I’ve ghosted God
Go ahead applaud
Turn your head and nod
I am a hotshot

Chill out. I talk to God daily. I’m just quarantined. I don’t want him to see me. It’s just a poem.

Baby squirrel brought a boy squirrel around. He had nuts. She’s maybe a few months old, him too. He’s timid and shy. Her pp did not have nuts. Now I’m not an expert on squirrel biology or anything – but she’s probably going to have babies.

They love whatever I feed them.

Lizard climbed the drain pipe to the roof, he also jumped and climbed the tall palm tree. I was amazed by lizard’s skills, not getting blown away by the wind, or eaten by a big bird

The neighbors think I’m wacko

I don’t think they can see the wildlife the way I do

Red bird has been appearing so I took her some seeds

They are eating my own personal organic stash of nuts, rice, seeds, all the things

Gonna make them some peanut butter treats soon – the butter with nuts n seeds rolled in balls. Just for them.

Nothing that I put out stays out

It’s foraged immediately

I like bonding with nature

But I have to deal with the hellhound now

He drains my energy like a black hole

I figured out how to put the blinds in such a way that I can see out too much – but you can’t see in from the sidewalk

Insects are animals – even those bugs we hate – I bet they were huge back in the day – but the elite love dropping bombs and depleting our o2 (and thus size)

Posted on March 24, 2023March 24, 2023 by poeeternal · 32 Comments

Lost Cause

I’ve been looking for you in places I should not
Returning in case I forgot
Searching clues in decay
It’s a long shot

Still clouds are thought
Love sweet like apricot
A burning sunray
I’m the mascot

Free speech below (and in traffic)

Hi, my name is Delia and I’m homicidal/suicidal.

Maybe I’m reaching my breaking point.

For instance, yesterday while waiting at a very long stop light on beach street, this immigrant was walking around half-dressed with a baby stroller, he crossed the crosswalk and I yelled “pedophile” (because I’m calling every man I see this now apparently – but especially him) and he looked back, so I yelled louder.

The light still wouldn’t change.

I noticed the car beside me also had their window down/cracked

I was like, “He shouldn’t be alone with a baby” and she laughed and cried, “I know”

I stated, “I don’t normally do that but no man should be alone with a baby” in which she responds again with “I know” and mentions how he was dressed

(It’s summer but every man acts as if they own the world, women are fed up yeeeee)

We got to continue our back-and-forth manhating for at least another 30 seconds or more until the light finally turned and I reluctantly said I had to go

There was a cop ahead at the oncoming light but I still had thoughts of “gasing” my vehicle or honking him rudely as he passed

I behaved but then the body screamed PEDOPHILE and he acknowledged and the car next to me concurred (more than once)

I gotta get out of this city, this town, these people, these policies

I continue to assess my “mental health”, and stay in the now, the cars read ROUGE

I wholeheartedly agree, it’s time

5 monster men just kidnapped an older lady, FBI put out a reward, she’s dead

The news have not reported this, it’s just something I feel

The same way I knew my sister was dead before she died

And all it took was a text from my half-sister, “she’s in the hospital with COVID” and I replied “she’s gonna die”

I didn’t go say goodbye

She died

I had a big ole blood clot and blown left lung – from the deathcare system, and was heading no where near a hospital and never will again

I would get arrested, keep me the fuck away from that god damn Satan house

BE GONE

And stop casting spells on me, they only empower me more

The mirrors are nearly gone, I potentially found a owner for the pair I got

MARK BURGESS is swine and the curse will unfold in time

The Last One of Us is not just a game

I’ve not played it – but according to research, “the elites were plagued with parasites” and there’s a super fungas strain plaguing California (where MB hangs)

FYI

The CDC are blaming “the wind”

Yeah sure and he’s an immigrant from the UK

Well, I’ve no idea his green card status or his whereabouts or whatifs

I dream of justice, real justice

Swift and remorseless

It’s not a sin

Eye for eye

My heart is feeling good enough to kickbox a face or two

Encouraging seeing big boy swim in hurricane swells — I’m learning to tame my own demons – albeit not well

Because I wound up at the park – letting every man know he was either a pedophile in love with a prostitute or “another motherfucker who thinks he owns the world”

One looked up and I instructed him to call the cops cuz it’s the only time I ever “feel anything”

No cops came.

Shame.

Too tiny. Gonna get shot or kidnapped (I’ll rip your hand and dick off)

KEEP 10 FEET BACK

I might finally be getting to see the lung doctor – after nearly blowing my lung out April 2021

Some boy I don’t really know but had a dream about when I was like 8 and he was perhaps still growing in-womb (not mine, eww) – saved my life – kinda

Because he was “kinda there” with his own selfish needs but was apparently everything I needed in moment, because he dumped loads of chemicals into me, which maybe kept my heart from stopping

I was in so much pain

My heart was having mini pre heartquakes – like heart attack – would actually need medical help if my electrical output continued leaning in that way

I literally could not breathe (and have developed new ways of coping as I have a heart condition now)

Furthermore, they may not tell you this per say, but those with heart inflammation are at risk for Adult Sudden Death Syndrome, and so I’m not out of the woods yet, as I can’t do anything that causes elevation spikes in my heart (adrenaline rushes, or even stress/anger) though I can rebound now on my gravity fitness trainer, and mine is made with special straps, not bungee cords, and I finally found more made in those style and hope to upgrade soon

I’m quite bonded with my squeaky trainer and was gonna use it til it had no life left

My body is ready for a new trainer – a tighter pad – maybe smaller too (I think mine is 36 inch)

Men: “women haven’t contributed anything to society and are only good for childbearing or serving me”

Me: I don’t want your fucking electricity

And I’m nearly tired of the $100 oil changes

$5 oil change, 10 minutes

I argued about inflation and maths and economics in college

I knew globalization was bullshite

I wasn’t for it but the would sell the propaganda and the kids ate it up

Evolution theory is bullshit

I’ve been reading books on quantum physics – Cox and his clocks, y’all are delusional pedophile nihilist and NASA is a fraud – stop taxing me

Neil Armstrong never spoke to anyone from the moon, it was recorded on earth, they had no communication towers according to NASA, the moon landing’s were rehearsed, with a fucking Hollywood director, wake fucking up

Women please especially – now before I wind up a statistical

93% of all murders happen by men (their punishment getting lighter while ours gets worse)!!!!

We’re in a 6th mass extinction!

That’s why 500 whales washed ashore, the bombs they keep setting off in our oceans!!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!!! Science is fun!!!!!!!!

Imperialism. Imagine unplugging from the great machine as a Soldier, I’ve come undone!!!!

And now they wanna lock us up for destroying us with malicious intent and purpose!!!

Some vet just murdered his 3 young children – took everything from his ex wife – who left him a key to her home – he shot his children sleeping in their bed

You’re all monsters!!!

They’re selling dicks at the mall in front of children!!!! And online at Walmart in the health and wellness!!! Why you shopping there? Everything is cancer!!!! Read the labels!!!!

We go to war with our neighbors and then let them come live here!!!!! They hate us!!!!!! CMON!!!

White slavery! The Great Replacement theory is real!!! I’m part of the 244!!!

Do you know who I am pedo!!!!!

God is very real and gracious and angry!!!!!!

Mother earth deserves more!!!!

I hate it here!!!! This civilization you claim you created because women are useless!

Fuck you! You wouldn’t be here without us!!!!!

You’re pissed about it!!!

The Developer!!!! Ha ha charade you are!!!

The Great Filter is real! It’s you!!!!!!

I can smell your stench like Agent Smith!!!!

I don’t trust a Chinaman in my country or a white boy or BLM or Latino lives matter – took all our jobs!!!!!!

I’d love to get back to an ethical job but none exists!

Stop asking for my email or digital identity!!!

I’ve sold my TV, the propaganda machine!

And tho my expensive Apple devices aren’t very old, they’ve forced us outdated, I’m not buying again

I don’t love you!!!! Or your society!!!

WordPress sold out!!! It’s all daily prompt in the feed!

I got rid of everything I own!!!!

I’m ready to dawn a robe!!!!

I don’t know how I’m reaching out to you with a brain, heart, lung injury – plus a curse

But alas miracles!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry for my weird behavior – it’s just the Matrix is broken, I’m gonna keep not complying!!!!!!

Morrison wanted to fuck/kill his parents and ghosted them

Father Jim

I sold all my vinyl

I tossed out things that I thought had monetary value in the bin

Many I donated or gave away

Some I sold for a quarter knowing I paid extra for the bonus disc and features, but in the end, it’s worth was obsolete

I’m not jumping from platform to platform for the developers who have yellow fever and think they are gods

Fuck social media – it destroyed the fabric of eveything

Our economy

And porn and its filthy consumers

This boy of young teenage age was staring at me in a sexual way, I snarled my lip

In an alternate universe, there is a sinister version of me, cutting of dicks, and leaving little smily faces on the walls – cuz no one has discovered my identity

🙂

So… if I dream of casting spells on someone who entered my life – then let me hang a horseshoe from my door

The same these scientists don’t believe in God but do a blackhole

It is increasingly hard to listen to the dribble of super religious freaks, knowing many are atheists themselves but push it on us anyway

Do this, do that!!!

I don’t really believe Asia was/is the most advanced species anymore

They are our number one threat and should fear the bery ground they walk on here

Here a demon, there a demon, I’m gonna expose you

I hope I settle down soon, the new carpet arrives Tuesday

I’m still focused on healing, spiritually, mentally, physically, financially (they did steal thousands of my retirement during the pandemic while I was disassociating, FYI)

I lost at least half

But those who took it were traveling to exotic locations during the pandemic – buying luxury phones and cars – with my retirement money

JFC

*insert slang*

But then, they cry “Asian hate”

It’s burns a bit deeper than that

I don’t think hate describes what is growing in me

No one ever says they wanna be an elite serial something when they grow up

People who write things like, “those who say they don’t like money but go work an 8 hour job” don’t consider that being homeless is an actual crime

Born into money, never struggled a day in their life

Don’t know hardship

Gotta incite riots to feel anything

Dead inside

Weak spirits

Lost souls

Dead man drowning

Perhaps I the same

I like feeling and seeing the sun rise and fall everyday

I appreciate how happy the wildlife are when I feed em

They tell us not to feed the wildlife but then capture and enslave these intelligent beautiful creatures for our entertainment and sell their teeth for luck

Parasites – narcissism is a plague

Nihilist

That’s all they are

And all me and the white girl can do is laugh about the insanity of it all

I can’t keep yelling and screaming pedophile, I’ll wind up in a swamp or freezer

That’s already a fear because they follow me out of places I shop, they stalk me, because I’m cute to them

I wish my ear would stop ringing

Need out the city

Helps

The crime is so bad where I live

And it’s being gentrified, just like WP

The CEO has yellow fever

P.S. you never needed to block me cuz you never added my number (I hate you)

(It wasn’t even your main two lines)

Last in, first out

Woot

I’ve met a lot of boys but none looked like the boy I dreamed about nor do any make my heart/brain/pp do what you make it do

Don’t make me delete my blog

Some lines I’m too afraid to cross – but do so erratically

She took the house and kids – probably cuz he was bad – but loved him and let him keep a key – probably to see the kids anytime he wanted – so he took everything from her – killed the kids and himself

But go ahead and blame gun laws and everything but what is to blame…

Keep puffing on my house motherfucker…

It ain’t even my house and I’m paying more than a mortgage – another problem man made

Posted on March 21, 2023 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Grief changes you

Grief changes you
Strings stay connected
But you find yourself in a new world
Strange unfamiliar settings
The navigation controls glitching
Life will never be the same

This place is cursed
From twilight to dusk
My sins interspersed
The golden hour
Mixed with rust
The dead
Blood and dust
We’re grounds for divorce
His thirst for lust
We speak in morse
Secret code of sin
And it’s getting worse
He’s first of course
For my hatred to enforce
Man’s overrule
His math and wicked verse

Would you hold my wrinkles, the way you hold the cold?
Just like darkness, you both make me old.

My name is on the lease
But this isn’t home
I blocked your identity
But you will never call

I don’t know what my purpose is. Becoming homeless? Jumping from a bridge?

Giving up on all humanity doesn’t quite feel right.

I wanna work – at least – a tiny bit – but there are roadblocks yet to overcome. Patience is something I’m being forced to learn. I guess I need to check out some library books on patience.

I’m having a hard time quitting legal weed. I never had an addiction to cannabis before. I’m not paying the state to renew my card, or the doctor. That’s one way to force me to quit. I researched. It’s extremely hard and most men get a ton of help to quit. I’ve got faith and prayer and hardly any will (to live) to quit.

I’m tired of the brain fog, the shit don’t work.

I’d rather bury the money I’m wasting on medicinal.

But things are always flooding here and I don’t have my own yard.

Apparently buying a home is not a good time, I’ve also researched.

And good luck finding a plot of land that isn’t surrounded by big farming corporations. YUCK.

America was sold out.

Some grandmother caught her 3 year old grandson watching porn and he knew how to access it

The government makes money off porn

Apparently if you’re a criminal or have a hard time getting a job, the government will give your employer a 5k bond for hiring you. FUCK YOU

Society is a scam

I busted my ass through college – to be met with hiring freezes, furloughs, inflation, and a pandemic with a snake oil cure that wiped out half the workforce – leaving the best jobs to only the very brightest – the immigrants – and the shitty jobs for the rest.

It’s also 60% more expensive to live life solo. Yay!

Porn should be banned from the internet. Period. You fucked it up and should have kept it behind closed doors and black curtains.

Some husband cheating on his wife with his girlfriend recently murdered her – and got 4 years. Men are getting punished less and less for crimes against women.

Meanwhile a wife got 17 years for killing her husband in defense – after begging the government for help.

The Great Replacement theory is real

White slavery

Sexual slavery

It’s sick what my parents did to me and my now dead sister (she was 45) (go mom and ~~dad~~ The One Who Shall Not Be Named)

Because of law Section 230 – violence against women and children on porn sites uploaded go unpunished!!!!!

They make money from it and just remove it when asked! No biggie!!!!

Sick society!

I hated porn in the 90s when it was mostly nude magazines and strip clubs!!!!! They weren’t selling anal sex toys in front of the children at the Mall or Walmart!

Y’all are sick!!!!!!!!!!

I’m very depressed among other things

The poets made WordPress what it was – and now they don’t need us – unless to buy a product.

These companies get the government involved and it loses any magic it had.

Advertising is conditioning and should be illegal.

I’m tired of complaining about this manmade world

They’re all nihilist

95% of them

They’d rather believe a math formula predicting a black hole that shouldn’t be there – is more magical – than life growing itself in the womb.

Pissed off they can’t do it themselves

Don’t want women feeling happy

They think AI is better than women

They think women haven’t contributed to society and quite frankly – they can keep their electricity. At the price, I don’t want it.

I never wanted any of this

We’re born into an unfair system

Where boys get away with murder and get paid more than us (and then the government helps them get jobs with bonds)

https://bonds4jobs.com/

Those who play by the rules are the mark

If you’re ever in doubt, it’s you…

Narcissism is a plague and easily spread by porn, Christian propaganda, and over nurturing

Test tube babies should be illegal

Dogs – cats – cute but eating up natural livestock and they were made in a lab

Apparently water buffalo are on the extinction list yet I just bought an ear from the ~~Dollar Tree~~ $1.25 Tree)

I haven’t murdered the dog with a “good day” yet

He likely suffer til the end

Today I made him an egg sandwich

Yesterday he had a toasted turkey dog

He has dog food and treats too

He wants his food, my food, plus his food

I fed squirrel yesterday

Hung out for half an hour sundown feeding her/him

The guy who murdered his 8 month old pregnant wife – dumped her from his boat, then went and turned the baby room into storage, sold the wife’s car, and tried to sell the house – he was removed from death row – gets an hour of sunshine per day, 3 meals a day – for life.

She washed ashore

He had searched on his phone “ocean tides” (or waves)

He was probably an undercover gay

They expect us to “mommy them”

Men are monsters. Guaranteed.

If they were really genius, they’d know how to make women happy and stop killing everything.

One person asked what women would do with men safely gone for 24 hours.

Most of them said walk without fear.

WALK

93% of all homicide committed against women are by men.

Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct.

Nihilist.

Under the gaze of secular science

(They think they’re geniuses)

They were conditioned to love prostitution and porn as children

The divorce rate is over 85%

They hate us

Math is stupid

I don’t want electricity

(Not at the expense of every woman’s mental health)

1 in 3 women experience assault from man (and it’s never just one man or experience)

1 in 5 men have an STD

They can give you cancer with their dick

Their cum can literally kill you

And you wanna legalize prostitution and already have in Nevada and online

Gonna spread them parasites everywhere

They don’t even test both parties in prostitution (John’s aren’t tested)

Massage parlors have prostitutes

I’m sick of fighting a war I can’t win

I once liked smoking weed and now I don’t and can’t quit (am actively trying)

Will definitely be experiencing mood swings, sweating, insomnia, for a good two weeks minimum (I’ve been researching)

Men get an entire tribe to help them quit

It seems those who were born into class are the only ones fairing well (mostly)

There’s like 30% single never married folk educated but left behind

But the crims get government bonds for their employers to hire them

They kill women and get ahead

I’m kinda pissed

I’d like to see less people deleting their blogs

Let me know where the new blogging community is going

WordPress pushed their product onto the academic platform – and students learn to blog through education (I wasn’t even allowed a phone in school or the military on job)

I wasn’t allowed a life growing up and I’m not allowed one now thanks to gentrification and narcissism

I’m exhausted

I know you’re struggling

To find your humanity

You’re a drowning man taking me down

You didn’t want to be a worker bee

Getting kicked out during winter while the Queen stays in the hive – that you likely made her

You mutilated her bond

She called crying

Now you can murder her by accident and get 4 years

And you have the audacity to ask me, “what’s the matter honey, you depressed” and then tell the person you’re speaking with via phone that I’m a “manhater”

Awe boo

I wanna cut yer dick off

You better start behaving on the road…

And please let God know I just want a tiny acre of land – to grow these seeds I’m hoarding

And please tell God I’d like to be less suicidal when I fuck things up

Also, despite all the very bad graphs and divorce rates, I still wanna husband.

A partnership.

I wanna do all the things with him.

Please get over your lifelong prostitute addiction.

I don’t know how to communicate with you over a cellphone, I come from a time before computers.

When you randomly send me dick picks online or phone, you disrespect yourself and my love for you

You never ask, you just do. I get so angry boo

I’m old fashioned and want to be surprised! In the real world!

And I want to date my husband – it’s biology and how she connects to him

It’s not about gifts, it’s about protection and nurturing

When dating for a minimum of three months no sex, it bonds and creates lifelong bongs. She’s able to imprint on him.

When I asked him would he want to date me when I’m better he replied, “I’m not competing”.

Which isn’t at all what I meant.

I never bonded or imprinted with any man at this point, and now I feel a lost cause.

A lost soul.

They want us to lose our faith.

I don’t believe in his God, if that helps anything.

Suicide is the 7th leading cause of death and I’ve been trying to self-terminate since in womb.

By kindergarten, I got in trouble on the playground for tying a piece of string around my neck

They banned me from people or going outdoors for two weeks

But the prisoners get an hour of sun a day you see…

There are more horror stories and scars on my body – proving I’m a coward

I’m more sad the lotion in the bottle gave me sunspots – some aren’t natural now

I’m tired of crying

Or looking in the mirror

I have to go now because tears

Fuck you

I’ve been trying so hard to be good and you getting bonds for being bad

Fuck you

(I can’t work yet but Bookmarked the page)

1. Hire me please. A. I have Veteran preference. B. I come with official referrals. C. You’ll get a 5k bond for hiring me. D. I smile but am disabled so may forget to cross the T or dot the I.

Them: you’re hired

Seriously tho, I’m overqualified for these Taco Bell jobs, but have been out of the market for medical reasons. I’m hoping that maybe one day I can find a job to fit my disability and I’ll be using the career source and library to help fix me up an updated resume – I’d love to jump the hiring lines with “I come with a 5k bond”

I still have hope for my future to not be homeless

I want plan B to not be a gun…

I’d also like to plan for my 50th (instead of dying at age 45 like my sister, I was nearly there)

I’m 44 today… 🙂

I mean currently (my birthday isn’t until August)

If you base it on THIS calendar

This whole timeline is off

In 2018, a big electrical storm hit New Smyrna Beach (give or two a year), in which I drove directly into it, all four windows down, elbow and arm outstretched, 80 miles an hour, the whole jeep lit up, some hot shit touched me, I screamed “fuck” and thought my life was over, while looking in my rearview and arm windows, seeing tons of bands of lightning outstretched on the pavement, I jumped into this timeline here

My arm burned for days and I blogged about not having any iodine

Kinda got touched by God

I smelled the rain prior and knew a storm was coming but opted to have my windows down

There was no rain, only lightning, the thunder was so loud

I got pushed off a 50 foot bridge once, I’m not sure how I’m even alive

I felt more human feeding that squirrel than I have in some time

I could feel my heart repairing

Somehow, feeding Squirrel connects me to my purpose

The way Squirrel looks at me

Gonna toss him/her some pistachio soon

Yesterday, pumpkin/sunflower/peanut treats.

The way he looked at me

I need husband

He will need to “date me” (not compete) in order to make the mechanics and functions of a man/woman work (AKA imprinting)

(I’m probably some sort of organic AI)

(Angel)

(Not the artificial fake shit)

They want you to believe computers have feelings so you feel less guilt when you fall in love with a robot and not a human)

Awe what’s the matter boo, lost yer soul?

Posted on March 19, 2023March 19, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Prayers from purgatory

Father,
There’s almost nothing left
My sister is dead
I’m bereft
Sick in the head
Near out of breath
Want money in the bulkhead

Compartments upon compartments
Secret dirty pockets

Here I sit
Here I remain
Losing grip
Can’t change the game

Mirror mirror on the wall
Reflecting curse
And where I fall
Fuck you all

Bonds come in many forms
Like my love
It comes in swarms
Electronic storms

Investments
Feels like I’m restless
I’m vested
Better than arrested

I thought investment always meant high-risk / cutting at my wrist

If a paper bond is lost, stolen, destroyed or otherwise mutilated, a replacement electronic bond can be requested.

“MUTILATED”
The wife called aggravated
Divorce threatened
Says husband is hated!

New purchase
But it won’t help my purpose
I’m worthless

Late bloomer?
But don’t be discouraged
Blame the Boomer’s

Forced obsolescence
And second guesses
Year-long stresses
Everything depresses

Secular science / sleeping lion’s / full of compliance \

My nutritionist complains that spring water “has no calories” but I get cranky when it takes me 3 days and several stores later to find it

Florida and Texas have parasites in the water – and if we can’t wash our face with it – so it won’t get up yer nose – I checked – the ear canal is also a route – but then I would think the eye

Sylvia Plath LIED

I gotta start boiling my water to bathe

If your houseplants are dying, stop feeding them tap water. Pro tip.

I’m still 110 pounds – despite eating a shit ton of mostly vegetarian food – and not rebounding for a solid week.

Kept eating like a pig – nope can’t gain any weight

Getting back to rebounding tho – just been deep down wallowing and trying to fatten up

My heart is obsessed with rebounding tho – the carpet still hasn’t been replaced but it’s still March and time is awful slow

Also me: I’m running out of time

I don’t have an ounce of patience after wasting my 20s & 30s

I cry so much

You’re off chasing rainbows where the rain won’t shine
You’ll love in time
My hand is aging
Like hope is tied
Sun leans in raging
Petrified

My love,
In the universe, spheres aren’t really spheres
Innocuous
Joy reflect as fears
Lingering
Like how you disappear
You are gone –
So how are you here?

I’m not marriage material
I’m grounds for divorce
I’ll stick to my high horse

GARAGE SALE:
Please buy my things
I overspent
I’ll overprice it
It’s not magnificent

If it’s Made in China
I’ve gotten rid of it
The entire toolkit
Sent it back to orbit
Omitted
Ejected from the cockpit
Calling bullshit
Burn it in the pit
Claim counterfeit
Propaganda lightening skin hypocrite
Brown-nosing misfit
Yellow fever transmit
I’m sick of it

Weakened
Lost spirit
Gifts?
Forget it
Remorse?
Acquitted

I come without bond
Broken
Look inside
Heart ain’t coping

Like leaping ledge
Just barely hoping
Your foot will land
With surface sloping

Opposition disappearing
Dangerous dictatorship
Communist country
I’m growing hungry
Purposeful spread the virus
I read in silence

The holes stop healing when you die
Like all feeling disappearing
After you cry

Dear Mother,
You are cold war.
And Father, your mentor.
Though coldness, speak no more.

Father,
You are ice age
Swimming in the current
Of my full rage
Father, you are first plague

Mother,
You are cold war.
A six foot hole I am searching for.
Like a backdoor.

And father’s picture? An eyesore.

Postscript: Mirrors hold negative energy and the creams I was using cause “spots or burns” and I cry so much seeing myself in the mirror that I’ve now moved all mirrors from my bedroom, intend to get rid of or cover the others, am not allowed to wash my face with tap or shower water, per official government guidelines, and the cream I was using to not weather in the sun, in fact, made me weather in the sun, and so bottles are being thrown out, mirrors destroyed, tears finding unholy ground. But I’m still collecting seeds from the seed library (I’m half-alive hoarding dreams).

I wasn’t scared, I was sick.

And I’m still fighting off the devil.

And the urge of mass murder and suicide.

Have you seen the amount in the news?

Also, The Great Replacement theory is real.

I fell deeper in hell.

Two banks have been shut down.

I’ve stopped disassociating (and looking in the mirror).

I’m superstitious and see demons everywhere.

I need him to contact me.

Never mind the blocks (for his own protection)

Brian Cox is a pedophile faggot and – in his very own words – called a 38 year old man “old”.

He loves a brilliant young mind

Men hate women or anything natural or God like and are obsessed with their own creations such as AI, lab made cats and dogs, and say women have done nothing to contribute to society and are only good for childbearing

According to current studies, most married men want love with a prostitute (gag) (throws up in mouth)

I literally daydream of leaping off a bridge and that ain’t right

Fuck everything

Fuck you

I’ll be back at the library collecting seeds cause it fits in with my goals and values

I’m drifting buddy

*cries*

America is collapsing

I’m not racist but simultaneously hate everyone (unless good)

(I’m barely good)

(Hate self)

Pro tip: mirrors cause negative self-image and hold negative energies. Get rid of them. Stop looking. Now go off and be a good witch.

Happy cursing

I’m casting one soon on so-in-so

A tiny box with a mirror and his name sealed with a burnt black candle buried in the swamp

Because he hasn’t died yet (MB)

I’m undoing the curse from birth on…

Hear, hear!

Posted on March 1, 2023March 1, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Tasteless (poem)

I had to make order of the chaos
By getting rid of it
Crying lots and a little bit
Putting dying on hiatus
Changing energy from stasis
Burning bridges and first basis
I’m the best at tasteless

I know you’re out there. ~~I know~~ you still love me.

The furniture was removed for free yesterday.

I was grateful and humiliated at the same time.

I wish I had offered him more than a protein treat for reward.

He took the treat.

I wish he would have taken my humiliation with him out the door. But alas, it remains with me.

There is nothing here but broken dreams and damaged carpet.

I am but a shell.

Crawling back to theta mode

I hate it here

This manmade infected environment full of natural flavor and narcissism

I know you’re in love with a prostitute

Did you know the government makes money from prostitution and most porn is made in California and Nevada made prostitution legal and our doors are open to immigration 24/7 and there is a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution

I get called a “manhater”

The place is empty of life or longing.

Dogs and cats are not native to the environment

Just wanna see earth win

White people should be on the endangered species list – check the census

Glad Black Lives Matter are the only one who matters

Posted on February 12, 2023February 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Bloody Valentine’s (poetry)

This comment is hate filled / a sinkhole / for you to build.

There’s likely bloodstains in the carpet / bloodstreams of my target / am I the carcass?

He shot her in her wedding dress / but love her / he’d never confess.

Father / they’ve all chosen sin / and I’m sinking / in quicksand.

Hey Sun,

How did you rise?
With light in eyes?
Is there time to shine?

Hey Sun,

Am I alright?
The peerless moonlight
Will we unite?

(Love you forever)

Postscript

*do something / act abnormal to run your blog readers off*

*insert insanity here*

*program successfully installed*

I got John hanging in front of me, and dear Edgar in my rearview, in a puff of smoke, just loving the 10k hand I have drawn.

Werd.

I could use a real hand getting the apartment prepped to be stripped of this danky old carpet, and replaced with some fresh skin (lighter color too)

Don’t even know if I’m staying

LAUGHS

Immortally insane

Running through my vein

Edgar wants me to pick up a typewriter and get off this broken iPhone

I knew the phone was subject to break – but alas – even with these cursive powers – I did nothing to stop its fall

Oh shittte, it broke more than I thought

BABE

Fuck Apple, it’s a 6, I’m done selling shit – and jump off a bridge

But there’s poisoned sweet potato pie in the fridge

There is indeed, God bless, we’re gonna learn to make a healthy pie, but for now, poisoned pie for Valentine

*squee

Postnote: I ignored all the ingredients when I saw the price marked down to $2.50 with a date of 2/15. Said, “you’re coming with me”

But for real tho, don’t buy the pie

(It’s poisonous)

(You die, I die – but we’re not together, Romeo)

P.S.S.S?? Been rebounding my ass off (the rebounder fitness – resistance training – getting fit with gravity – weeee)

I’m two scenes on repeat currently – in my favorite film – Made in Heaven (1987?)

The one where he’s tossing his drink in the mirror / laying in the road screaming to God / Emmet “as himself” AND

Her, crying in public on the street – she got arrested too – dark days ahead

Welp.

GOD: if you don’t find each other, you’ll both be miserable

God: there’s no guarantee you’ll come back

Me: YOU TOOK MY LIFE

The roses are dying / cuz I’m done trying / the crow is black / his heart tarmac

*insert another copyright here*

I wore a t-shirt to the medical clinic once – with Poe on it – and the technician asked if it was Hitler

Millennial or GENZ

I sighed and said “Poe”

“Kind of a popular stash then tho, huh…”

“Hitler”

*makes awkward attempt to continue on with life wearing such an offensible shirt*

(Wonders if others mistake Him for Hitler too)

*creepily laughs

These motherfuckers are in charge

*nearly chokes on the air

*tries not to die*

And in a more recent attempt at “getting out and socializing”

I ordered food – through a drive thru

It wasn’t busy – I had time to count my cash – fuck the elite – you wanna be a cashless society and track me huh – fuck you – cash everywhere or boycott

Him (another Millennial/GenZ): why did you give me so much money!?!? *looks at me stumped like I’m stupid

Me: what do you mean!?!? *looks confused / haz brain injury / why am I so stoopidd

…well, I, gave you MORE to get the big bills back…

Him: *clearly confused – counts the money – proceeds to hand me a ten back, a five, and some silver.

So apparently I’m not stupid. Just pre- computer age.

I once had to work at registers where you needed to know basic math – to count change back

Remember when they upgraded the register to tell you the change back

MY GOD they made us beg and groggle for those jobs!!!!!!

“Don’t discuss your income in the workplace”

FUCK YOU

I mean, Happy Valentine

Burn in hell

*insert shitty photo of me here

I don’t want to see myself in the mirror – or on my blog currently – tho I haz space now

I wants new blog

*stomps feet*

I wants better home

*if I buy the land / will you buy the home?

Tell me, I need to know!!!!

A rose garden / an iron fence / him dressed in darkness / at my defense / our first kiss / give me this

Posted on February 9, 2023February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

Merry-Go-Round (poetry)

Am I sleeping beauty?
Put under spell?
Are you creeping monster?
Or savior in this hell?

Am I just gloomy?
Cheerful carrousel?
Are we fast moving?
Or racing parallel?

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Mary go round – the truck – like a vulture – ready to devour the dead

Welp ^^ ^^

*bat wings

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?” (true tales)

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?”

“Get help”

Those were the questions asked of me after I was rudely cut off on the road, so I rudely began following him, to wherever we were now going.

We wound up in a parking lot for several minutes – he threatened the cops – they never came.

Got his license plate number anyway

Stalked him until he was sweating anyway

But y’all keep giving yourself away

I should have responded “homicidal” but asked “was he in a rush to get to his prostitute.”

Of course, he called me a “manhater” LAUGHS

I’m ready to rip your veins from your neck – and your cock – with my teeth

Please keep risking my life – and then insulting me when I call you out

When he threatened to call the cops, I responded: “I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have the less they work. Please call the cops.”

He retreated to inside his vehicle – but it didn’t stop me circling his vehicle like a vulture

So – y’all are making us depressed with malicious intent and purpose – so we’ll “get a job” and “see a therapist” – something must be wrong – we cry and boys don’t. Ohh boo

90% of all murders happen by men.

Please keep pissing me off

P.S. the jobs and medications to keep me asleep while you live a double and triple evil life – no longer work

Maybe you should have treated ALL WOMEN with respect, not just the prostitutes you’re “in love with” according to the latest studies “most men want love with a prostitute”

*throws up

Fuck you

Cut me off again

I double dare you

P.S.S. That’s TWO days in a row I’ve had the cops threatened on me.

P.S.S.S. Might be meeting my future husband soon and getting a new home. Do you think I’ll get visitation?

Yes. No. Maybe (select one) (please return)

Posted on February 6, 2023 by poeeternal

Broke the new mop cleaning (tales from the crypt)

I. Can’t. Win.

Tried to sell my PS4 rig. Had the cops called on me instead.

I said go on, I’ll wait.

They closed shop.

Waited outside ten minutes, cops never arrived.

Left. Passed a cop. Went back. Drove through and tooted my horn and waved.

Still no cop. Shame.

I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have – the less they work.

Probably cheaper to have bought my items

And before you go taking their side

I honestly had not done anything wrong

I got excited at the mention of cops

“Oh yeah”

“Well go on then, I’ll wait…”

I guess I’m done pawning shit in this town

But I ain’t done tooting!

Looks like I’m keeping the ole PS4 – I’m being cockblocked from selling or deleting my account

And if you threaten the cops on me, make sure you deliver. M’kay.

Oh and… broke the new mop cleaning.

The metal handle twisted like foil.

Gotta get on my hands like Cinderella to scrub.

And buy a new mop. Made of Iron apparently.

Fuck you

Posted on February 3, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

New carpet approved + (journal log)

So the front office approved my new carpet request for renewal – but the replacement is closer to April – my renewal time.

I also have to vacate for a few days – I requested new paint too – but the carpet was the big ticket item I was fighting for – and won. Don’t have to pay anything to have it replaced, so if they don’t paint, I can do that myself. I forgot to ask about the walls, the carpet was the main thing.

I literally would not renew without fresh carpet.

I’m going on six years here.

And, a bunch of units will be vacant soon – and redone – they are letting go of residents apparently. In my building.

New neighbors, new carpet, maybe another lease renewal. I mean, my carpet was approved.

New paint on the walls.

New lighting.

Clean space.

Sanitized.

Do I want out of this God forsaken city? Yes.

Do I want to be homeless? No.

Moving is extremely challenging currently – in an inflated economy – when literally no one returns your calls or emails.

Meanwhile, the place I live has a SIX MONTH waiting list.

And – I’m under a homeowner buy program, I’d be giving up several years progress of that.

I have a COE through my military service – an incentive I earned.

Checking out financing books at the library, gonna take advantage of the tools offered to vets for “financial counseling”, basically starting over.

Right now it’s planning and prep for starting over.

And, there’s big pieces of furniture to be junked – but the junk removal wanted to charge me $300 to remove maybe half a truck load – of not actual junk.

I’ll ask around the neighborhood if anyone wants a recliner leather couch (they will) or a glass table (likely so – that bitch weighs over 500 pounds)

I WANT NEW CARPET – I fought for it – the manager said it’s coming in like a month and a half – plus fairly certain she got me the fresh paint request too!

I’m basically getting new grounds without leaving my grounds – but temporarily vacating for a few says – while maintenance does repairs!

So I’m working on getting everything cleared out!!!!!

I also found out today that I am marriage material – while fighting with my doc

I just got back from an MRI

My doctor complained he’s got to stay over with his other patient because I squirmed and we had to reimage around 15 minutes worth – setting him behind

I said “oh boo”

“I’m dying. The immigrants stole my job, and I’m not even marriage material. So I got more things to complain about”

My doc undoing my IV

“Why do you think you’re not marriage material” (he doesn’t let me answer)

“Well if you think it’s self-image, you’re wrong”

This was the end session

But during the screening he mentioned I was “fairly young” and then “young still” a couple more times

Also when I had to put on scrubs, they barely fit I’m so petite, I complained

He mentioned it was good, lots of “400 pound vets”

So I got a few things going for me still apparently (I’m doing an AAR – leave me alone)

1. I’m fairly young still

2. I’m petite

3. I am marriage material

That’s in scrubs that don’t fit, no makeup, oily hair (it’s being treated so it’s actually clean – I’m deep cleaning my entire existence lol)

Yesterday my physical therapist doctor couldn’t keep his hands off (his job – stop hating just cuz it felt good)

“Bro, why did you execute your wife”

“I didn’t like how the doctor was doing his job”

I must be a nice of fresh air from all the sickly dying vets

My sick and dying is still marriage material

I don’t know how someone pending surgery is marriage material but tis is…

He said “fairly young” but I reminded him I’m still ovulating and trying to “protect the goods” despite “getting on up there”

He was so trying to not look through his peripheral vision as I was leaving bless

I yelled at my doctor for making him late and not being marriage material – but he disagreed

I found out today that I’m getting new carpet and marriage material

I want some new tattoos

Warrior’s get knocked down – and ye I’m pending dying one day – but I ain’t in a wheelchair yet

I overheard one doc telling his patient “but you gotta stop drinking” (he won’t) but mine was high-fiving me and today another doc said I am marriage material

That’s what THE HAND implied

I long for a husband lol

Not one “running late to see his prostitutes”

HONEY WORK CALLS

And they all busy with the kids..

No, get yer ass home!

That fucking hand

And the dream wasn’t even sexual you psychopath

You were just waiting for me to fuck up – *rolls eyes*

I am trying to fix my self-image – apparently it’s destroyed – I need new carpet and a tattoo.

I’m probably juicing instead of surgery but holistic things cost a lot in an inflated market

I didn’t think I had any worth – but I got my 20 minutes in of rebounding today.

Small white girls are incredibly exotic

And desired

I’m not even wearing earrings anymore

I have freckles and bags and worry lines

My peach must be made of platinum – atomic number 78 – and the year I was born

I want a new blog

But then, there’s contending with the “rules for thee, not for me” agenda everywhere I go

You read through the fine print?

We can change whatever we want – whenever we want – we don’t have to notify you

I can’t even delete my PS Sony account – like wtf

I thought I was swearing off men forever – not all women are gold-diggers, or cheaters.

And I’d like to help some of those 400 pound vets not die

From their inflictions and addictions

Rebounding is saving my life

I was always in a leadership role

I need to find purpose with my life again

I just want updated things! I was completely left behind in society!!!!! I’m allowed to complain!!! Stop silencing me! The complaint wasn’t about you or us!

I think you threw away whatever you threw away despite me trying to get you to move to my free account (now deleted)

“I don’t understand metaphor”

Whatever helps you sleep at night

For me, new carpet would help. I’d sleep on it. Instead of this terrible bed!

It’s going in the trash bin!

Like everything in my life!!!!!!

Selling the ps4 and games at the pawn soon!!!!

Gonna cost nearly $200 for a 3 year commitment to a new blog, but generally $150 annually.

Even tho – most of the big cats have taken all the traffic.

We’re paying to chase our tails

I just wanna write!

It’s ridiculous I gotta pay extra to hide my identity from the web!

“Privacy protection”

SCREAMS

And I went to Aldi for the first time – with a brain injury – unprepared

I want my own fucking yard

I don’t know how I’m asking for much

The library hooked me up with some seeds

I have 8 or 9 new seeds to grow things in my windowsill or whatnot

Books checked out from the library

Apparently men are still interested in women my age – despite looking like Edgar Allan Poe did 5 minutes before he died.

It’s very important to me to keep writing – God knows why (I wish he’d let me know)

I can’t just buy a domain anymore and hook it to a blog – you gotta get a plan – blah blah blah

But I already have a new identity

Bet I made the doc late for his dinner with his prostitute – or maybe he reserves Friday nights for “the wife”

I like that we both yelled at each other but didn’t get mad

He still thought I was marriage material after scolding him for making him late for his next patient

I’m so much drama in such a small frame

Need a hubby…

But he’ll divorce me because I told the doctor “yes that feels good”

I bought cabbage and stuff to make soup

They threw enough “energy” at me to “heat things up” and energy is radiation I think – had enough so getting offline now

Gonna be easier to let more things go tomorrow – knowing the new carpet is coming soon – getting my little apartment redone – might can survive the rest of the apocalypse

Keep praying for me…

Trying to get back on my feet

Not a wheelchair – and I’m happy for those who get the new top of the line ones!!!!

Not all disabilities are visible!!

The only way I’d sign another year lease here – was to get the carpet replaced

It took nearly 3 weeks to get approval on that!

Got it today!!!!!!

Posted on January 18, 2023 by poeeternal

sigh (journal log)

I went and got some medicinal

After several days of cold cutting

And zero sleepz in the nightz

I caved

Got 1 vape the size of Texas, a 10 pack of indica blueberry edibles, and 7g worth of “premium ground”

Back home – hit the pen twice – feel the happies

I arrived “can you check my pen, I don’t know if it’s charging/working or in my head”

Gave myself 3 options tho

1. Cold cut quit (aggressive)

2. Not renew my state license in April – ween myself – slow quit

3. Not quit – pay the ridiculous fees – to maintain

4. Vote for recreational (nope, you’ll have to cut my dick off before I ever get out again and vote)

Look where voting for medicinal got me: an addiction

Prior to the government getting involved, weed never gave me no kind of addiction

Unless you count the feel goods

I’m literally more motivated on it

Suddenly, with my new flock of bird neighbors – and the medicinal two toke hit after several days none, I feel like I could clean up the slums

There’s a Gold’s Gym down the road – could like join

I’ll have to disassociate from dudes watching me

I think the guy at the shop is into me

Not sure how I wound up with six bucks back but took my buck and he was like “you got another five”

I only took X amount of cash in to avoid overspending

But between the 50% off deals + another military discount + more cash back than I had calculated, I’m square

Paid like 40 bucks or something

Also, the blueberry eddies are 10mg pieces, so I’ll be eating one with my dinner / evening bath

Not smoking to disassociate, just to function :p

I’m at a crossroads in my life

I decided to throw everything overboard!

I may jump!

Not to die!

To jump ship!

It’s terribly hard being autistic and suicidal: “how yah doing today”

“I ain’t looking for a bridge to leap, and the sun is out!”

Politically probably not correct but honest to the core

The other customer was listening to me order and him give me all kinds of recommendations lol

“I haven’t slept in 3 days and sometimes I just need a sativa”

I think he pretty much ordered everything – I went in as a walk-in

But he seems keen to service me

And she was like “sorry for listening” lol

But I was trying to hurry cuz others arrived and I even offered to get out of line – anyhoo – he listened to what I needed – his suggestions were good – including where I could buy a decent pipe to smoke the flower, cuz the shop I went to sold me a non working glass pipe – and I love wasting my money

Right now I got rice papers from the medicinal shop – and those were tricky to learn – but they are slow burning – and aren’t as strong (very smooth paper but probably poisoned)

Like I registered to vote for recreational a couple months back – but that was before my meltdown

I’m having a midlife crisis

Right now I’m sitting on clean linen and thinking I might could manage this dump a bit longer – if it means land for me in the future

If I were to renew, I’d want fresh paint and carpet.

I mean, the apartment is nearly empty and I’d pay them an extra $200 to lay some fresh paint

(The carpet would need to be a free replacement as part of the renewal agreement – especially as long as I’ve been here – and the COVID pandemic)

This isn’t a good time to be homeless

People aren’t returning emails or phone calls about places I wanna live

And “Astoria” was a big mistake

I don’t want anywhere near this county or HollyWood

I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m going to do

I have a very busy day doing real world stuff

I hate real world and would rather disassociate

Because people are involved

And I have to be civil

I identify as Angelic and this is spiritual warfare

I’m like fight mode 24/7

The birds moved near me

It’s changing me

I don’t disassociate making content and I wanna get in the headspace to get back at it

I’ve been self-loathing

But also working out – I wanna get the peach in shape

The boobs need a little weight

Half my kitchen was donated or trashed

Some is packed – it might get trashed too

Pantry is empty

Everything is on the table remaining

The lease is up in April

There’s been no invite to renew yet nor have I given any 60 day warning

Don’t know what month to month rent would cost (like if I needed an extra 2 or 3 months to find my new home) (and stay without a 12 month lease) (if they still do that the costs go up)

I don’t want to be homeless dying

My bathtub is good enough

As far as rebuilding my financial wealth – I’m working on it

The little cushion I have, doesn’t go far in a 40% inflated economy – realistically – and per research

If I could get to a gym – and get outside these walls

I’m just re-inventing myself – even if to start fresh

I need a sterilized and stable foundation

I prayed to God “I need to be closer to Pretty Bird” and he sent me a flock

Swear to fuck

Clean bed sheets tonight

Weed

I have to be careful with this new age shit, it can trigger my ptsd and suicidal ideation

Sometimes you need to take a break and let other people order for you

I don’t really want folks offing themselves – I say terrible things – I’ve slept with the devil

God knows I sinned

I tell him often I’m not worth anything – while begging “don’t let me die here”

It’s complicated

I’m hungry

Food is good

I have leftover soup and bread

I’m trying to find my place in this world – and balance

I’m a Soldier, I like working out – but now I do things differently since I’m at risk of ASDS

So proud of myself for finally reaching my ten minute rebound goals this week

And then 20… 🙂

I’m glad people notice my efforts in the real world – I’m sensitive about my skin scars and stretchmarks tho

Don’t mind my giggly boobs but they need some foods (been ill but also working out and detoxed too)

Got down to 110 in fact, now putting the weight back on

Was 112 last at the VA (will check soon)

Been several weeks tho and I’ve been rebounding most of January 🙂

I’m starting to see thick in the front – like the quad maybe or thigh area

My leg muscles are forming more and tight

My stomach is pretty flat but could be better

I want more tattoos 🙂

Would help make the new me 🙂

Something feminine and cliche

Flowers

Wouldn’t mind some tasteful flowers on my hip area but I gotta find a real artist

I don’t want to decide what will look good on me and the exact spot

Like bro, do your fucking job

I need to hire a decorator for my new lifestyle

I’m a Soldier and poet

I know war and I know words (terribly)

These days it’s the algorithm fucking me up 95% of the time

I miss being a Soldier

I miss my comrades

Gift giving is the heart of tribal union – exchanging gifts. Now I know why I do this.

It’s not my fault others think it’s “too much” or never return anything. I wasn’t in it for returns.

I give because I want to

It’s tribal

I have the eldest and rarest bloodtype – with only 6-11% of the population having it

Part of the 240k woke too

I’m kinda in a cult aren’t I

Hungrz

Must eat!

Posted on January 14, 2023January 14, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

I Do Not Sleep (freestyle rhyme)

I do not sleep in a rose-painted bed
With doves above my crown
I’ve got sorrow lying around
Like pillows drifting below

I do not sleep in a rose-painted bed
Where dreams assemble and grow
The visions of yesteryear
Left me somewhere dead

Postscript: Free speech below

What does it mean when shadows in your mirror appear?

Yeah, I can’t fucking sleep…

I’ve reached a new level of insanity

Please, not the streets.

There it is again!

Am I dying!?!? 😫

I mean, the poem turned out okay though?

God only made me average but I try and do it so well…

I fuck everything up, that’s a give

I want a rose-painted bed

I want a night of rest…

I want in his arms – I want to be valuable enough to be in the same room with a man – and not want to murder one another or break bonds

I’ve never imprinted

Feeling worthless is the baseline of depression

Posted on January 14, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

‘I don’t come here for the conversation’

Why do ordinary, respectable men visit prostitutes? Jacquelynne Bailey spoke to customers at Australian brothels to find out. Her interviews provide a rare insight into how some men see not just sex, but women.
— Read on amp.theguardian.com/world/2002/apr/08/gender.uk

“It’s always better with a whore”

“Older, but not over 35…”

Posted on January 14, 2023January 3, 2026 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Study Finds Men Want Love With Prostitutes

Are Men Looking For Love With Prostitutes?
— Read on www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/08/13/relationships-men-fall-in-love-with-prostitutes_n_1772680.html

It’s all been conditioning – these men have been buying sex since children

And now children can see and buy sex toys – toys aren’t behind a black curtain….

The Devil’s society…

Give it time, LGBT will have an orgy in the street.

Porn has ruined man

They fall in love with an idea – and the porn industry repeats the same story throughout years – with all sex workers.

They need the girls in the pictures so much that they use “commoners” as fleshlights

“No one knows why” – ahem bullshite it’s porn

Porn segregates us from unity, imprinting

Well – these boys are exposed to porn at a very young age and it imprints on them.

And image is important to them – gaslighting – so the Church offers a safe haven for these demons – who want us paying for their housing and meals.

They disassociate when they use porn so it’s like they become a completely different person and that’s why there’s no remorse when they do the shit that they do to you

They have an addiction created by the enemy to break up the traditional family value home – all while the immigrants take throne during “yellow fever”

Suicide is a top leading cause of death worldwide

Porn is the gateway drug to ruin

It could be easily censored like they do my free-speech

All the little commoners who get on onlyfans, they just use us up like they do in the real world

Most anyway

OnlyFans say most users loose out – it’s only the top folks with value (society is the Titanic)

They steal money from users too

And as much as I love blogging, I don’t want to continue paying the enemy

Pay to play

I’d rather die than give the state another penny

And I can’t even visit Orlando without having to pay four tolls to return and they aren’t cheap anymore

It’s the same fucking county, but I have to pay to return to the city I’m registered to live in.

Florida is gone

Overrun with evil and immigration

I mean immigrants get here and naturalize faster than we can even procreate or vote

Native Americans were doing just fine here until my bloodline was nearly wiped out by the fucking immigrants that you say bring so much greatness to our country

I fantasize about dying by suicide in terrible and terrifying ways

I know you’re a nihilist and do not care what happens to me…

”To be seen and not heard” while man destroys everything

But as long as we are making him a meal and doing everything for him

While he jerks off to the pretty women prostitutes

And by telling a man not to fall in love with you, they probably absolutely fucking do fall in love with these prostitutes (not commoners)

Because even the guys without any teeth, think they deserve a ten star

And I’ve never been rated a 10 or treated with any value

Lots of marriage proposals though

Fleshlights….

Posted on January 13, 2023January 14, 2023 by poeeternal

And you’re a fucking child…

Please don’t refer to me as an “older woman” again

Or group me there

I know you’re a pedophile

And I’m GENX

But I’m only your 8 years senior

And that’s with the 10 year “decade” window

It’s considered NORMAL

And the couple that was recently murdered here in Daytona Beach – during bike week – double homicide from a BLM immigrant – she was only 8 years older than him – they had recently bought their dream home that they were biking home to

He stalked them and gutted them near a school

Now he gets better treatment for his mental health than I do and I served my fucking country and am facing homelessness (again) (sigh)

“You will own nothing and you will be happy”

You mean like stalk people?

Hunting them down like you want to gut them in the street.

I mean, yeah

You get 3 meals a day, an hour of sunshine, dental, free rent.

Where is the punishment?

I sit in an overpriced run down 4×4

The amenities aren’t even opened on the weekends, no 24/7 gym pool but paying the price like a fool

But due to gentrification in the housing market – it’s kinda hard to move up to the east side

This entire society is built on narcissism, the very foundation is a lie

Did all your dreams come true in Nam?

I’m about to jump off a fucking dam…

Don’t call me older ever again

It’s barely 8 years

Oh, it’s because I’m over 29 huh

And you’re a pedo

Don’t call me old when I’m still bleeding from my legs every three weeks you fucking insensitive asshole

I hate you

But, I do have the eldest blood of all the bloodlines

It’s kind of hard to bleed yourself dry when you think on yer superpowers

Fucking old

Like 13.7 billion years or something

At least get it right…

I’m not old, I’m glorious and that’s why guys are chasing me down when I’m in the isles crying

They just wanna spend time with me

I look like a dying zombie but many are mesmerized

I don’t know what they see

The age always disappoints them

I don’t talk to men anymore anyway

The new responses will be, “oh honey, I’m not Asian”

“I’m not a fleshlight”

“You can’t afford my fleshlight”

That’ll really fuck em’ up

God didn’t make me hush

It’s possible he left his ministry to me because everybody seems to keep calling me a whore

And treating me with little value

I probably have a fortune in Bibles lying around, but you know

“I asked you to prove to me the Bible was re-written and not give opinion”

“The version is on the cover”

“This comment no longer exists”

Pop goes a demon

This is why heaven is empty

This is why my views are low

“Because of you, I can only smoke down here now”

Oh goodie, I’m glad I make messes in heaven still

The way I do on earth…

“God is love”

“Love is the great anomaly”

God was here!?!

God lives here!?!

Gotta get his house cleaned up

He doesn’t treat me ill

Creating bonds just to break

Breaking souls

To get a rise cuz you are numb and void and soulless and without remorse

Women over 40 have value – even if society has ruled us obsolete

Because you’ve been brainwashed by society to be a pedophile

And we’re meant to socially bond very young…

Imprinting

We’re not born to be your fleshlights

I got educated to save a life

It’s not my fault that doesn’t impress you

Or my tiny savings

One and five men have an STD and a divorce under their belt

Not interested in your opinion of me any longer…

Dig?

Women over boost men’s egos to not get murdered – in general

Men obviously are crazy and go through hormonal changes if “90% of all murders happen by men” and you know women get prosecuted harder for crimes cuz we rarely do

If more women committed crimes, the punishment would be less severe (like men)

And a demon has no remorse so therapy is invalid

My mental health is being destroyed with malicious intent and purpose, and has been since I was born

But I get called crazy for having to deal with being told what to do 24/7

Man has put his overrule over everything – trying to be god

Changing time

Literally trying to control women’s periods with birth control and everything else they do

Trying to control every aspect of time

“Time is energy” and they control the energy crisis too

Trying to fix the weed – the premium weed is weaker than homegrown from the 90s – it ain’t premium – it’s expensive junk and shite

Trying to control the food supply

“Natural flavor” in everything

The Great Filter of nihilism

Destroy everything God created

Man trying to take over and control

Making humans in a lab

Cloning

Honestly, you can’t even listen to the music because they did something to the frequency to cause depression

They are using weather modification and they openly talk about it now, so you can’t keep calling me a conspiracy theorist

It’s ruining the earth

Causing disasters

“But the insurance will cover it” (another filter)

No one wanted insurance, but they pushed it on us, just like they pushed the one child law on China residents (whom had been brainwashed into believing it was a good thing) (over 1 million parents lost their only child – and too late for many women to conceive after it was lifted – and many men left their wives for a younger one. But there aren’t enough women anymore and “too many men” due to their science! (All planned)

The white race is systematically being destroyed through racism (it’s not how we’re reporting dummy)

I don’t want to live my life through a computer screen or an algorithm

Most of China is depressed – apart from gentrification and “them”

Also, that Chinese politician who implemented that law and went to jail, he lives in America now

All the bad ones are allowed entry here…

They are fighting wars from a computer screen now and accidentally blowing up families an Afghan and going Oh sorry you can come live in America though.

They bring their entire family here

Violent upbringing and all…

Black Lives Matter

RIP couple gutted in the street – this isn’t the same country I fought for – I’ve wanted out of Daytona Beach since that violent crime – and crime continues to rise here despite reports of “best place to live” (it is not)

And they are forcing workers to work alone, and people are robbing the place and getting murdered – fuck that – I’m not dying for you and your goddamn taco

Jim Morrison was from Florida and loved tacos 🌮

And I love a little taco job – but I ain’t dying for this society – which is sinking faster than the Titanic

Go USA (the American Asians identity as “CHINESE American” and value Chinese culture” and only vote 1 way

We’re just pawns in their sick game

Just because you work in a factory 18 hours a day and allow your fucking government to dictate how many children you have – it doesn’t make you smarter – it makes you fucking dumb, not hardworking

And I’m so glad that family value and living together generations together like cockroaches is valuable to you because you’ve broken up the family home in America to have this – to fucking have America

Immigration is a Trojan horse and only the immigrants are happy here

FYI

They’re miserable in China too, because they fucking brown nose their government

My boomer mom believes anything the Bible or government says too

And you can’t tell her otherwise

It’s been cold here all day. The lizards haven’t even come out and I wish I had a little heater for them.

I made a vegan dish and I’m eating it and I also got a rebound session in

I may take a break from blogging for awhile, while I try to figure out how to detox from fucking weed – never had a problem with weed until government and science got involved

But now I have an addiction and suicidal ideation, and PTSD complications for voting yes for medicinal

I’m done voting – anyone can do it

And the immigrants who come here and their fucking teenage children, they actually get naturalized and get to vote sooner than the people fucking born here

I’m no longer participating in society therefore, I am not voting or doing any of this man-made bullshit anymore

Toxic masculinity

You barely hear of any women in the Bible, and when you do, they’re called a whore

“Men can have babies” (you see the conditioning) (cloning LGBT human rights vs AI has feelings)

The men are just monsters who are pedophiles and will do anything to get to the ~~children~~ fleshlights

I read about how y’all are buying wives and how horribly you treat them because you bought them

Shame you can’t take care of your creators (men come from vagina)

I’m sorry you’re mad about it – we didn’t make the rules

Men do spread parasites through their cum which can cause cancer and other health problems

It doesn’t affect men the way it does women (many men have no signs but are ill)

Anyhoo

The government gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose

“Premium content”

And pay the state to enter a medical building for wellness – while sex toys are sold in front of children (conditioning)

LGBT is a cult and all over the walls of the VA now

Why was I always shamed for being a girl and told to cross my legs growing up but gay men are fucking dry humping everything and dressing tacky in public 24/7

Just because it’s a song or art doesn’t make it okay or right

That stuff was always at the gay bars and that’s where it should be along with the sex toys at the 21+ stores

I said what I said

Apparently, China have a “savings problem” and they don’t want to spend and that’s my problem now, I have a savings problem, I don’t want to spend either…

I don’t have a man who wants to build me a house, but it would be fucking amazing if we could build one together

I’ve never even been valued enough to be taken to the opera, or given a piece of jewelry with any worth

Still – men seem taken back by my ugliness or beauty (I’m undecided which)

Pretty enough for them – just don’t like my petite frame (but you do Asians huh)

I don’t remember the guy I was dating for three or four months, but he was really into me I thought until one day he broke up with me and said that my pussy was great. He liked my personality, but he hated my tits.

I was in my early 20s

And even with all the negative conditioning, I still did not go get plastic surgery, even though there were times I could afford to do so, instead of traveling

But I got to breast-feed, and had hopes of doing it again

I think I’m human still

It’s human vs demon here (and many of you disassociate from what you truly are, a monster)

But you choose to be despite things and entities trying to push you that direction

Every time my true soulmate gives himself away to another lover, I go further extinct

I don’t even know who I’m talking to anymore because none of you want to change anything

You all want the world to end

I’m outnumbered unfortunately

You had me believing I had no worth when it was really you

I was hoping to save someone

And are you paying attention to the 18-year-old and 56 year olds dying?

Vaccine death jab (I’m at risk for ASDS)

Adult sudden death syndrome

I’ll never get another flu shot or vaccine again and I’ll never trust a doctor and I’m just gonna go with what God gave me

Men are pulling the veil on us while destroying the world

90% of all murders happen by men

There’s enough food, and everything to go around for everybody, but they have us in this dark field

Posted on January 13, 2023 by poeeternal

In China, growth policy compounds the toll on parents who lose a child

One-child policy leaves some parents childless, hopeless and facing financial ruin in old age
— Read on www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/in-china-one-child-policy-compounds-loss-of-child-for-parents/2013/08/07/063716fe-e877-11e2-a301-ea5a8116d211_story.html

It’s tragic. Our mental health is directly connected to our dicks and vaginas. They sterilized and aborted an entire nation!

They’re still doing it with vaccines!!!!!!

I also learned the vaccines contain aborted babies (it’s real)!

The government needs shut down!!!!!!

This is tragic!!!!

It’s narcissism! It’s all serving the Devil!!!! Or darkness! It’s not unity or being one with earth!

Stop killing everything! Women and babies especially!!!!!!

Y’all are insane but want to commit me!!!

Immigrants have taken over California and New York and they are coming after Florida. Most Floridians say Florida has changed for the worse.

The VA is corrupt and so is the White House

And according to the official stats, the majority of immigrants vote one way

I will rise up

And if it takes five people to arrest me, five people will go fucking down

I’m fed up!

The fact that most Chinese thought the one child law policy was a good idea….

It also creates narcissism

They’ve ruined America with insurance and taxes and COLA

They’ve ruined everything and everyone it seems

Too much control

And Genzie and millennials don’t give a fuck about anything so they’re not gonna rise up and fight anything except for the wind to light the fucking lighter for the goddamn weed

And their sex toys

LGBT is a cult

Sex toys are being sold everywhere in front of any age…. little curious boys looking at the anal plugs at Spencer’s

Can buy online at Walmart, CVS, Dolls Kill, Walgreens, ect

Dildo’s and vibrators for “health and wellness”

Disgusting 🤢