WOW, look at the monster you have become
Growing bigger but rarely numb
The hate warms me so I succumb
I grant it entry, and let it come
© Delia Ross. 2019
One Thing Is Certain
I am changing, but can others see?
When looking at other pictures, that cannot be me
Spent a lifetime trying to figure out who I was and now I am free
Free from all the locks and chains where I never had a key
And while there is still sorrow, I am an open sea
I am drowning on my back but I am floating carelessly
Underneath, the pull of the current
A shark is circling with massive courage
And dark is the sky and my eyes keep burning
And long are the lessons we never are learning
Life will drown you if death is a burden
But I will fall down loving him, one thing is certain…
© Delia Ross. 2019
My last breath I will love you…
Tide
I saw you pull back from my life
As you were about to use your knife
And like a gentle tide
You left without goodbye
© Delia Ross. 2019
My Survivor CBS Casting Call/Auditions
How many of you would watch Survivor CBS if I got cast on it? It’s a possible “what if” cuz I’m actively auditioning for it. ALOT. 3 auditions in 1 year with a 4th incoming! I keep blowing my auditions & casting calls, I gotta ace this 4th attempt!! But, the very first rule of Survivor is never give up! And I ain’t! I am more determined than ever to get on and show these players how this game needs to be played!!! It’s THE BEST GAME ON EARTH. GET ME ON THE SHOW, PLEASE RECRUIT ME SURVIVOR CBS!
I can’t tell you how badly I want to play this game…yes I can, I can go on and on and on cuz, GOALS. (It’s not about fame, that isn’t my objective. I want to be SOUL SURVIVOR and go home with that million-dollar prize). It is the number 1 show still on CBS, but the best game ever and I am a huge gamer). I really get into gameplay. 🙂
So what I’ve learned is, it’s not that I’m not good enough to be on the show, it’s just I’m not exactly what they need for that particular season yet. You have to keep auditioning because you might be exactly what they need for an upcoming season. So, I nearly gave up and lost hope but the first rule of Survivor is never give up! 😆
Follow me on my socials if you wanna see more of what I’m up to. I’ve mostly kept my blog about my writing. I’m more transparent on my Twitter and Insta (@POEETERNAL).
So, I hope you enjoyed these behind-the-scene photos of my life. ☺
Doll
I won’t say anything at all
Cuz when I do I seem to fall
But you were there to watch me crawl
You were there to see me bawl
You, you wind me up like a doll
You pull the string and then I’m off
And then you act so appalled
As if it’s never your fault
You, you got me crawling up the wall
For what I did, I don’t recall
You like to see how I stall
My tears your favorite decal
© Delia Ross. 2019
Trixter
He offered me the sky, said it would be no problem to buy, if I wanted it
He flashed diamonds in my eye, that should easily satisfy, said I have credit
Replace that hardened cry, with a fresh necktie, I’ve got the perfect fit
I looked the devil in the eye, I said you trixter of a guy, as the blood left my wrist
© Delia Ross. 2019
Suicide awareness everyday. I’m on the guestlist to see Peter Hook in Atlanta this month, I’ve waited all year for this. My only REGRET in life would be not hearing this live. Why is this related? Well, the lead singer/songwriter of a band I dig died by suicide, Ian Curtis. When that happened, Joy Division became New Order and NO is a favorite band. Hooky was the co-founder of both bands. I dance alot to New Order. ALOT.
Ian Curtis – suicide
Mina Tepes – suicide
Kurt Cobain – suicide
Judas Iscariot – suicide
Etika – suicide
Robin Williams – suicide
Archias of Cyprus – suicide
Hunter S Thompson – suicide
Diaeus – suicide
Sylvia Plath – suicide
Cleopatra – suicide
Alexander McQueen – suicide
Marilyn Monroe – suicide
Chris Cornell – suicide
Ernest Hemingway – suicide
Michael Hutchence – suicide
Dead Anyway
Do I ever make you feel good?
Do you focus on the bad, longer than you should?
If you trusted me, could I peek under your hood?
If you don’t love me, do you ever think you could?
Every cloud passing by another prayer
In your thoughts, I wonder, am I there?
Is there ever a moment, where you care?
Of all the ones you’ve loved, how did I compare?
Slipping down now is the rain
Coming down to greet me another pain
Unfamiliar, surrounding terrain
And here I linger, here I dwell, here I remain
Life is just full of decay
I slowly watch love fade to grey
And if I die well I was dead anyway
If I die, that’s just the price we pay
© Delia Ross. 2019
Halloween has passed and still themes of death, oh goodie, I’m still me. Survivor of spells and curses, adding that to my portfolio. Let’s compare resumes. The new modern age of dick comparing. My debt is bigger than yours. Oops, I meant dick, I mean house. Wait, what the fuck are we talking about again? Dick, yes, need. CHOCOLATE, I NEED CHOCOLATE (shut up hormones) ((my ovaries are literally in a knife fight right now, I would apologize but my cycles follow the Moon))
This tho, yasssss HORNY CREEP yeps, not gonna apologize about that either. My drive ain’t hurting nobody. IS YOURS?
Dreamland
What islands must we breach, in a faraway dreamland, where the habits we keep, are safely out of reach, and the love we share, is a language we can finally comprehend?
What mystical gardens must we sow, where joy and hope is the grain that we grow, and your hand is the vine, connected to the very root of my soul?
What maps must we hunt, what fear do we uncover, that leads me to the forest where you are my lover?
What secrets do we bury, so your mask is less heavy, and my shadow will feel more like a friend not in a hurry?
What ship must I sail, on what troubles do we travail, will you follow me out of hell, can you live to tell our tale (what if I fail)?
What skin must we shed, what sorrow do we part, show me through the doors, that will lead to your heart, past the halls of the longing, through the deeds where we get our first start?
© Delia Ross. 2019
I need him so much it actually hurts…
All Hallows Eve Dancing
Err, some of you may not be on Insta, but there are more videos up of me dancing in my fangs, if that’s yer thing.
But also, below are a few just in case you missed it on Insta. You can get on Insta, and not use Insta. I have many followers who use it like a newspaper, meaning they’re not active on their profile (liking, posting, or commenting) but they’re actively reading newsfeeds and stories. Don’t be scared to give me a follow on Insta (or here) if you wanna see more dancing videos. You can set your notifications to be on for my account so you never miss a post!
So I do these for one guy, but he doesn’t even follow me LOL LOL (does he even see them? He hates me but I follow him like a lost, starving puppy that he shoos away ugggggg) *sadface*
Yeah, so. Unrequited love sucks, in case you were wondering. But, I’ve convinced myself that he’s madly in love with me so my heart and mind are never in sync on the matter anyway.
“Please Come Lie Next To Me”
I dropped some vampire porn on my Insta (not nudity, FANGS). I’m also twirling a bit if that’s yer thang!
Full link: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4QvDv7F55t/?igshid=vzrwjyweaw5q
Top 10 Halloween music playlist
Top 10 of my Halloween playlist
- Ministry – Everyday is Halloween (The Godfather of industrial)
- Type O Negative – All Hallows Eve (The drab four, a fav)
- Type O Negative – Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-all)
- Type O Negative – Christian Woman (theme song to my life)
- Skinny Puppy – Worlock (in my top 10 fav songs ever)
- Nine Inch Nails – Copy of a (Reznor owns me)
- Nine Inch Nails – Came Back Haunted (thank fuck & when NIN returned, I was there. Have seen NIN live a few times since a teen, asked Trent to marry me once on his website, he was flattered, I was like sixteen)
- Type O Negative – Wolfmoon (What? You can’t have Halloween without TON. Besides, this is a story about a guy going down on a girl when she’s on her period during a full moon and he turns into a fucking werewolf, you can’t get any better than that). SANGUINE ADDICTION
- Zeromancer – Something For The Pain (eargasm)
- The Cure – Maybe Someday (Bloodflowers, this album, changed my life)
All Hallows Eve
“If it ain’t Type O Negative, it ain’t worth listening to”…
You
You could give me gold, I am sure it’s what most want
But it will never satisfy, no matter what you flaunt
You can hide my eyes, but can you stop your voice
The one that’s in my head and loves without a choice
If I were to show you what is underneath my cloak
Do you think that you would like me, even when I spoke
You could send me flowers, anyone can do that
But the words that you’re writing, makes my heart so fat
You could take me places, but I’d rather be at home
The depths in your eyes are the streets I want to roam
You could play me music but what I really want to hear
Is your voice leaning in and whispering in my ear
So the things that I want isn’t much this is true
Because the only thing I want is to be alone with you
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’m not asking for much, I just want it all because you are everything and all I need (all I really want is my guitar and you) 🤓
92 Million Miles Away
Trying to reach him is like trying to reach a star
92 million miles away but still close enough to scar
The further the tether, the closer we are
But when it comes to his love I never reach far
The Sun never sleeps but he is missing from the night
Yet there are days when it’s best he’s out of sight
The Moon has phases where she hides from his light
But when they are united, heaven shines so bright
© Delia Ross. 2019
Eclipse of my heart…
Clean Dirty Mouth
You can take the soap and wash words from my mouth
But I never meant for any of them to ever come out
And if you ever forgive me, my love is facing south
And all the dirt within me, took a different route
© Delia Ross. 2019
You ever have your mouth washed out with soap? I did once when I was ten and I misspelled shirt by spelling shit on my quiz, which the teacher said I did on purpose, because apparently I’m little miss perfect. So she called my mom and they both agreed I shouldn’t have misspelled a word in First grade and thus bathroom “lick the soap twice”. I wanted to fucking kill them. I don’t know how I’ve gone this long without murdering someone. God literally made me incapable of physically hurting another human being. Because “little miss perfect” *rolls eyes* *flaps wings*
It’s possible my subconscious did misspell a word because I was being beat at home but I only got beat more at school so…
I am a Leo tho, and I was certain then it was a mistake… I was already upset when I saw my grade was less than perfect, but now, a liar too!?! Age ten was toughs.
OOPS (Blog boo boos again)
I am inadvertently unfollowing accounts that I don’t want to unfollow when I’m trying to unfollow multiple accounts that I do not interact with or whom do not interact with me. When I first opened up my account, I was following any Tom, Dick and Harry, or suggestions recommended to me and I’m trying to clean up my feed so I can interact with the people I DO want to interact with more. I suffered a brain injury while in the Army, so when I accidentally unfollow accounts, I can’t always remember your Blog name, and most of you do not have your actual blog link in your Gravatar profile and so I can’t find you. Sometimes I’m aware of the mistake right away and sometimes I don’t realize it until days later when I’m like ‘why the fuck aren’t you posting and in my feed’. Then I have to go on a hunt to find a post where you commented or something. I still have around 300 accounts I need to unfollow so these boo-boos might happen again.
Please don’t let me go days without you, if you’ve noticed I’ve unfollowed you and it doesn’t seem normal can you at least shoot me a comment or something? Just say “hey, did you mean to unfollow” or something and I’ll correct it right away! If I unfollowed you and you have any kind of negative reaction about it, please message me, because it was more than likely a mistake. And it’s already happened a few times to accounts I didn’t want to unfollow. And so all that lingering confusion and doubt was festering. Just shoot me a message or comment! Uh oh’s happen, I come with mistakes.
Love, Sensuality, Devotion
If I were capable, I would build him a boat,
He could sail through the storms, I seem to evoke.
He could cruise through the wind, and never lose hope,
And the distance we keep, would not feel so remote.
If I were capable of obtaining perfection,
In the mirror, he would see my reflection.
If he could believe, that he made a connection,
Maybe he could see, I am trying to change my complexion.
If I were able, to shorten the distance,
A home in me, would appear into existence.
He could visit me, at this very instance,
And the safety he seeks, would never go missing.
If secrets we keep, would be less of a burden,
I would reach into where he seems to keep hurting.
I would pay with my life, to open his curtain,
And the life that he seeks, would not be uncertain.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Things (but mostly love)
Her hopes take flight, it catches starlight, it rides the night, it gives her dreams sight, for his love she will fight
He knows not his creed but it is burned to my tongue-
Like a tattoo by fate, open my gate and come
Please need me
I crawled on when my hope was gone
I saw sun but my eyes were burned
I found love where the hand was numb
I gave love when it would not come
He writes the most beautiful poetry
And I want to organize them into little treasures for my mind
An instrument of the finest wording and it starts with his rhyme
Pluck a note from me, as I’m slightly off key
It doesn’t take much to tune me when his writing is my shrine
He intoxicates me better than the finest wine
His words should come with a sign that reads, “do not engage”
So innocent was her love, so pure
The bouquet of poetry he would write would allure
It was love of this she was sure
In the afterglow of words she felt secure
Want a dose of paranoia mixed with anxiety? Well, if he is her and you are me and they are them, then who the fuck is she?
He doesn’t know it but he is a giant in my heart.
He was unaware of her worth
But there was something in her eye
And the look was divine
And it tasted of desire
Love sprung from the Earth
Everyone seems to be living such wonderful lives and I just want to hide in his eyes
He comes back for my love
When he’s lost his reserve
Just as I am giving up
Most days my soul is suffocating
Bouncing up and down
Flipping and flopping
Gasping for air
Frantic and in despair
Where is the life?
Silence brings violence
He’s not quite 6 feet but every bit iron foot
Just because you think I’m perfect doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell me I’m good. Just because you don’t think I’m worth it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell me I could.
Death didn’t hurt. Everything else did.
He moves fast through my heart like rapids…
What I would give to be shifted to number one.
Love goes on through the seasons.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Safehouse
If there is a world where I exist
Please visit
I am a rainbow just waiting to get sunkissed
Like a solar flare my moods can get explicit
But it is through destruction where life has risen
And now you give love a speed limit
And you tie a ribbon of shame around my spirit
You label yourself “critic”
Where once a safehouse requiring no picket
I’d enter, I’d rest, and my dreams were so vivid
I’d cry and I’d dance and I loved you every minute
Your love was a sticky mist
I inhaled all of it (give me a fix)
© Delia Ross. 2019
Perfect Form
If I were a moon, he’d be an asteroid
If I were open space, he would be the void
If truth were a promise, he would be the lie
If beginnings had beginnings, he would be goodbye
If I were an ocean, he’d be the shark
If reasons had meaning, he’d tear it apart
If weather were gentle, he’d be the eye of a storm
If cold were a shoulder, his would have perfect form
© Delia Ross. 2019
Inspired by something I heard in John Wick 2… had to revisit the entire chapters after watching 3. Neo warming up for The Matrix 4. John Wick 3 is by far the best of the chapters, it just slayed. Martial arts makes me kinda sloppy wet (or maybe that’s just Keanu Reeves, KIDDING chill sheesh) 🙃🙃🙃😛
Regolith
Life is so bland, so very dreary
But when I take the walls down
And I start to move around
The Moon she peers at me
As if I’m well and sound
And she offers me a different theory
Still the cold finds the cracks
And in creeps what I lack
And now it’s dark, I’ve lost the tracks
But tell me who really has your back?
Was it done for her or was it done for you
And is it something that you ever knew
Maybe you tried but you changed your view
When instead you should have changed your crew
Is it lack of discipline or are you really bad
Since depression took over she’s your only comrade
And so you tell the Moon the reasons you’re sad
And I can tell she understands a tad
Her regolith is made from fires
And you’re the only man she ever desires
And if the Moon is something you admire
It’s the same as why her love won’t expire
Some treat her like a chemical waste
And some responses were done in haste
And if it’s what you want it can be erased
It can disappear without a trace
© Delia Ross. 2019
Destination: Love
He is part of a world I wish I was in
The story is open, the pages are thin
Love is where I’m going but it’s never where I’ve been
The road is full of obstacles and requires some discipline
The clouds passing by bring a current of hope
The fog dissipates with all of my mope
The sun bursts with a new horoscope
The sky is a blanket where my sorrows can cope
I took my depression and left it in a back alleyway
I may return for it again someday
And when my fears visit, they’ll arrive in a beautiful bouquet
And if you ever forgive me, that day will be a permanent holiday
Set the controls to where my heart is churning
Look all directions, you’ll see our fire burning
There is never a day for you I am not yearning
Some practice of forgiveness is worth learning
© Delia Ross. 2019
I lied though, ‘cuz he is really my favorite poet. I can feel him inspire every little fiber and molecule in me… just saying.
Love Beats On
“Stop! What are you doing?”, he demanded an answer holding a look of shock
Her face stained with black mascara and fear so thick she could hardly talk
He kneeled down beside her, their eyes in a gridlock
“I’ve learned you are the one and now it’s time to walk the walk”
Lips connected and fate started their heart clock
Love beats on…
© Delia Ross. 2019
A sad beginning with a happy ending. The middle is now. Unwritten.
Bad Feathers
Her wings wrought from sorrow, stained with regret
And if there’s any forgiveness, he hasn’t given it yet
If love had a mirror it would reflect his spirit
If any hand were worthy, his has merit
She wraps her wing around his heart
She prays it helps the pain depart
It is not a solution but it is a start
Even angels are known to break apart
She awaits quietly in silent prayer
As she tends his heart from its despair
There is no love that can compare
She plucks out bad feathers showing wear and tear
She shuts her eyes and makes a wish
She simmers any flames of anguish
So love may again feel its warmest
Where for him it was found coldest
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’d remove every feather if it meant never hurting you again.
Wrath
“I do terribly bad things”, she said with a saddened sorrow
“Spontaneous combustion”, Lu replied
She was gazing in her mirror, Lu was just behind
Leaning on her shoulder, like he was her beau
He goes places with her no other will go
He knows too many things he shouldn’t know
A mask to Lu is an open window
The thicker they get, the more that you owe
“My tongue is full of sin” she said
As she took a blade, her eyes were blood red
The cold steel on her neck, her gaze still ahead
With careful, quick precision, Lu swiped the blade from her hand, he was never much of a figurehead
“Terribly bad things”, as she crashed to the floor
A creature of the underworld, and she could take no more
Too many souls abandoned, what is she fighting for
If only love could be her savior
“Hey kid, they only fear your purity because they sin,
They act tough where their skin is thin,
They create chaos in an endless cycle they spin,
They search for winnings, where the devil will always win”
With a hand that swung with the thunder of Thor
With a face of refusal and ready for war
With her hand on the trigger and ready to score
Standing an inch from the devil she let out a roar
© Delia Ross. 2019
Do you ever feel like the devil is on your shoulder? That was sort of the goal for the bathroom mirror scene. Now’s he’s been all through the house. Time to see a priest, deep, dark thoughts abide. Maybe an exorcist too. Definitely could use spiritual cleansing from a psychic.
Cobwebs
He spins a web of confusion
He spews we are living in delusion
That won’t stop him from carrying on
His mask cannot hide his beacon
And without reason, I follow the action
I was taught love is twice bitten
Well, maybe his web leads to Eden
It matters not how many webs are spun
I crawl over fragmented dreams and broken bones
It makes me ponder how many hearts he owns
Are they easy to collect like clones
Does he cherish the ones dethroned from their thrones
The stickier the web, the heavier the bloodstones
The harder the heart, the more sinful the wrongs
The farther we part, the heavier the moans
The more you punish, the darker the zones
© Delia Ross. 2019
For the most part, I put all my darkness into my poetry, or my art, I wouldn’t actually bite his head off in real life… the follow unfollow routine might be annoying but seriously there are worse crimes. And I’m trying to refrain from allowing others to trigger me. I have written him so much beautiful rhyme, it would be a shame to focus on the few falls between. xxoo
What Would Edgar Do?
Dear Edgar, tell me, what is it you would do?
Did your love make you a prisoner, too?
You crafted her poems and she loved you,
But that doesn’t work for me, no matter what I do.
Dear Poe, you were a cryptologist, you can solve this code?
The answer must be hidden, but the window has narrowed.
He keeps his soul hidden, where none have burrowed,
But ever since I found him, time has simply slowed.
© Delia Ross. 2019
I suppose he would die of a drunken, broken heart, naked and broke on the streets. Feels vaguely familiar…
Starlight
Love her wild
Leave her full
Touch her mild
You will see her form
She will make your indigo glow
She will carve out a chunk so you may have a root
She will give life to the lip
In her, you can grow
You can wallow
You can save your soul
Let her jump in and taste your desire
Infinity is deep
So is her reach
And the distance you keep
The only witness is love
We’ve got that as our teacher
Even your name ends with her
She brings on the rain that can make you clean
Crawl under her to feel something
Your seeds were planted for sprouting
The direction you’re going needs a little rerouting
The night is pierced with scars
The light is breaking through
The doubt is gone from you
Watch her twinkle too
© Delia Ross. 2019
Stones of Regret
Underneath the stones of regret peace is found
Though the tether is outstretched it is still bound
The weather grew punishing and so too his frown
But my love for him keeps circling around
And I try my hardest to stand
But this depression keeps showing its ugly hand
And I’m trying to fly but in his heart I just crash-land
And it breaks my heart I did it again
So with my broken will I isolate the curse
But without him I am ever growing worse
And if I could I would put time in reverse
Love would be the only tether we would traverse
I pushed away the only thing that ever mattered
And when he left my soul completely shattered
And now there’s nothing, not even a word
And his silence is the loudest sound I have ever heard
© Delia Ross. 2019
I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry.
Ripples
When your ink drops my soul will splatter
Like a ripple in spacetime, you matter
You are the one my dreams look after
Where reaching you only requires a ladder
When I hear you speak the Sun rises
And my love for you comes in all sizes
Your kiss is the best of all prizes
But your eyes are the best of all horizons
© Delia Ross. 2019
That boy does something to muh. I prefer to focus on the good stuff. Even tho he hates me…
Graveyard
This maze is full of tears where souls are mostly scarred
From dust til dawn they roam leaving sorrows for regard
Plastic and dead flowers cover most of the yard
Everywhere I turn a zombie roams this graveyard
The living dying are making final rounds
Somewhere in the distance, crying are the sounds
Sooner or later, death will come and visit the towns
Fear of the certain drag the feet with added pounds
Regrets are heavy lingering over this tomb
And forgiveness is on the tongue, I hope it visits soon
Time is of the essence and the Moon is filled with gloom
There’s a place for heaven, but it’s missing from this room
© Delia Ross. 2019
Words Like Bullets
Where do you go in the dark with my heart
Words fire from my tongue like a bullet from a gun
The damage inaccessible but already done
Where do you go with my broken dreams
Do you savor the sounds of the sorrow they bring
When it comes to being hollow who is the king
Where have you gone with my voice
Give me a list of the roads I should void
You left me in rage, my tongue had no choice
© Delia Ross. 2019
Emergency Lights
Just as you are about to settle in the dark, and mount ontop of fear, he will appear, like emergency lights, to make everything alright, to build a boat from hope, it takes two to build one heart.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Hello 28K!
Evil 101
Tears carve through my sorrow like ice
Cold was his method but precise
Wrong was my soul to sacrifice
Forgiveness an unreachable asking price
Deep is the evil lurking in his core
I’d rather go blind than read anymore
I’d rather go deaf than hear from his whore
I’d rather just die than walk through his door
He got the devil collecting every lie he creates
He got the girls falling for every bait
He got the truth covered by multiple gates
A predator for the young he lures and awaits
I fucking see through all of your masks
A predator, a monster, a narcissist, a liar wherever you bask
Years of denial if anyone were to ever ask
When it comes to being special you fail the task
© Delia Ross. 2019
Winter Blues
Winter blues
Befit me like the coolest jewels
Never come in one or twos
Never are the lows I choose
Ah, winter blues
Sorry like the gems I lose
Tender is the heart you bruise
He lost more than just a muse
During winter blues
Never knowing who is who
Change the subject, change the views
Kill the need, scramble more clues
© Delia Ross. 2019
A Visit From Lu Part 7
So there it was, Lu and I
Outstretched his hand an ally
There sat a truce within his eye
Another devil here to apologize
Once you’ve heard one lie you’ve heard them all
You can change the ending but you cannot stop the fall
You can change your perceptions but you’re still behind a wall
The only lies worth spinning are the ones you can’t recall
Lu has been there for me since the day that I was born
When my parents would beat me and my wings could not take form
As if it was his duty to sit with me and mourn
So deep down in the darkness that his feet would come to warn
There are some places angels aren’t meant to be
And it was during my lowest times Lu would come remind me
And it is always a fine line between heaven and hell I am walking
And there’s not a detail overlooked when the devil is talking
But the dark has come again and now Lu has arrived
But these really are his tunnels where we all reside
And even in this darkness my purity has thrived
I wonder if his prayers are the reason I survived
The words hello and goodbye never slip from my tongue
The sorrow feels deeper and long it was hung
The worry will linger where heart took a stung
And with very few words the devil just took a swung…
To be continued!?!
© Delia Ross. 2019
Oh my goodness y’all, Lu has been protecting her all of her life until now!?! What did he say to her? Why has he hurt her!?!
I’ve never tried writing like this before, my epic tragedy was written in one night after it came to me in a dream. I had an idea for a story (this one) and wanted to see if I could write a longer piece but I wanted it to be without rules and regulations and I wanted it to feel experimental. I haven’t written any rough drafts or used any of the prewriting techniques we were taught in school. I knew the basis for the story and I wanted it to feel open-world. I dig open world video games (I’m a huge gamer and I’ve been playing games since I was a little girl and it’s one reason I want to play Survivor CBS cuz game play matters and that’s the best game on fucking Earth and I’m getting ready to audition for a fourth time and the first rule of Survivor is never give up). Anyhoo. This has been a huge challenge for me and I can’t believe I’m already into part 7. Sometimes I just want to quit writing cuz I’m nowhere good as the people who admire me the most, even my best isn’t comparable. But I try so hard… in pretty much every aspect of my life. To fail over and over again. But that’s life, failing and getting back up again to fail again. *sigh*
Dance like nobody’s watching / 119 pounds of sorrow
I was gonna go to the world’s most famous beach and then to a doggy park but it decided to rain and so dancing my blues away to Zeromancer instead in my bedroom, cuz y’all don’t know this good stuff, do you? 4 minutes of me sweating in my bedroom on an early Saturday morning is everything you’ve always wanted to see, right? (By the time the video uploads it’ll be mid afternoon). I have terrible stage fright. And I’m super shy. But this is a Norwegian band that I’ve been digging for quite some time and this is one of my favorite songs by them.
So I’m okay, if anyone was wondering. And by okay I mean, I’m still fighting the good fight. And to be honest, this blog and you guys are my only lifeline. And yeps, you met me at a messy period in my life. And I’ve already had so many give up on me. I’m trying not to give up on me too. And I know my body isn’t in its best shape but does that mean I have to stand behind the curtain because I don’t meet your expectations of perfection. But also, you could have just loved me how I deserved.
Kill your senses
You might be right
Hold your fire
I’ll take you higher
Never drop
We’ll never stop
Tar for feathers
Blood for honey
Milk for money
Isn’t it funny how it hurts
How it hurts
You never see me make
The same mistake twice
You never see a tear
Coming out of these eyes
You never see me beg
For another shot
And you never see me change
Into something I’m not
Famous last words
Stare at someone
You used to know
Laughs at you
Turns around and fade away
If only I could see it that way
Kill your senses
It can’t be right
Isn’t it funny how it hurts
You never see me make
The same mistake twice
You never see a tear
Coming out of these eyes
You never see me quit
See me disengage
And you never see me spit in your face
Out of rage
Famous last words
Lists
Depression worry not
Just divide your time into slots
Write a list of don’ts
Match it with the won’ts
Give the list a plot
Tie it in a knot
Care not where I rot
Then again on second thought
Gotta find that perfect spot
And then maybe it’s worth a shot
I’m a zombie: life and death is a constant postpone
It takes all of my energy just to sit here and moan
© Delia Ross. 2019
Oh my fucking gawdddddd, how many times have you heard, “just make a list” when you are depressed? I’m going to make a list alright and shove it up their fucking ass. I can’t even make a list on how to die. My will is not up to date. I can’t even fucking decide on a way. Or a place. And then, the dog… BUT I digress, somehow, if I just start making lists on things to be done (with dying number one) then my life would be in order, and if I just let God in I wouldn’t be depressed either, so says society. But if I tell my doctors that I want to fucking kill myself, they’ll take everything from me and lock me up in a fucking rubber room. Barbaric are the practices for treating depression. So, since no one can get it fucking right, y’all get to sit back and judge me from behind your screens, and some of you will even poke and prod me and then when I bite you call me crazy and you disappear. And since society has a hard time understanding that being depressed is not the same as being fucking crazy, the death toll continues to rise and I’m trying my hardest to jump on that fucking bandwagon. But, I’m too lazy too sick to even write a list of things to get done. And I don’t think I really want to die, I just want a friend cuz isolation is cold and dark and it’s kinda scary in here and fuck you for not forgiving me for biting you when you caused me to bite in the first place. Shame on you.
- Get house in order
- Godparents for pets?
- Update will
- Say goodbyes
- Write letters
- Pick outfit
- Method of dying?
- Location?
- Famous last words
Thoughts
I pick at my thoughts like a flower;
He loves me, he loves me not,
He loves me, maybe another hour.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Volcano
I am trying to control the volcano
But still it erupts
I tried to adjust my halo
From slipping where it corrupts
My tongue not as tuned as a piano
And it dances where it disrupts
My feet unmatched the tempo
Crushing time where it galloped
But there resides love over my rainbow
And it will never leave you empty or bankrupt
© Delia Ross. 2019
Bad
There’s bad, then there’s worse
There’s luck, and there’s curse
There’s lies and there’s verse
There’s living but this just hurts
© Delia Ross. 2019
Monsters
I will always love him and he knows I always will
But it will never matter as monsters cannot feel
© Delia Ross. 2019
Druid
It matters not that I am human
Or how to his darkness I can tune in
He cares not if he keeps moving
That his soul is never fluid
And his cruelness is often proven
A beautiful soul gone to ruin
He sets his hand to always losing
He lives in shadows to keep from blooming
He is primal like a druid
© Delia Ross. 2019
Speaking of druids, this is a forever mood
A Visit From Lu Part 6
Father of Lies, Angel of Light, Crooked Serpent, Prince of Darkness, Satan, but you can call me Luci;
Now that you are getting to know me.
Antichrist, Beelzebub, Wicked One, there are so many,
Little Horn, King of Babylon, (I can go on), Abaddon, the Devil, the Most Unclean-
Whatever my name, there is another three.
Yet with all these names, so many will not believe
I am a carrier of light, shifting like transparency
The world is full of doubt, a goal I did achieve
It is mostly certain now, I am here to deceive
Temptation is the game, what is it that you envy?
Write out the list, I know the need
Your soul and bones, are full of greed
A buffet of sins, like gluttony
What is it that has you eyed?
How do you sleep at night while your tongue is tied?
Underneath the mask, there is so much pride,
Every word you speak, I know when you lied.
Centuries of fury, casting out your wrath
The demons are many, you haven’t done the math
If you think hell is empty, why did you choose this path?
If you think your hands are clean, from here I see a bloodbath
A sloth rampant with a taste for lust
How easy you pick them out with tongues of trust
And damnation covers your soul in a thick, wicked crust
I watch the irony rush over like a face that is flushed
To be continued!?!
© Delia Ross. 2019
Read: A Visit From Lu Part 7
A character drawing of Lu, I managed to squeeze in many of the names he goes by, the definition of Lu, as well as the seven deadly sins. Hope you enjoyed…
P.S. I never call Lu by his full name, I don’t know if you have ever picked up on that.
Probability
The sky shows grey
The air smells of rain
This home is absent any memory
This mind is void of all sensory
There is moon but no champagne
Cold is remorse running in his vein
There is sound but no symphony
There is love but in its infancy
There is patience but he’ll refrain
And forgiveness he might entertain
Silence is my only company
Regret now a probability
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’m Sorry
I don’t know how to say I’m sorry again
I know coming and going seems to be a trend
I really hope forgiveness isn’t a dead end
I really hope for me your hand will still extend
Like towering clouds of doom
Your absence fell over my wound
Huge swells of sorrow circle my room
I hope to hear from you again soon
© Delia Ross. 2019
I really am sorry 😵
A Visit From Lu Part 5
You will hear me say “fell” but I was chosen for this
The wings on my back come with selfless service
Many call me a hero while acting a servant
I look at hell like it is just a big circus
Fitting in was never for me
I never felt whole completely
I observe with eyes like something is missing
I try to behave while the world acts beastly
I paint white over my wings
I count the hands that take a swing
I pull the wool over my king
I don’t want him to see such things
I try and smile without showing my teeth
I don’t know why people are surprised to find what’s underneath
I rub the doubt which make my wings feel like concrete
And then I look for a direction I can retreat
I remember the day Lu and I first met
It is a night I never will forget
Back then, I had a different mindset
And he will not leave until I settle my debt
Lu has always been there watching over me
Darkening the souls of everyone I need
The lust of humanity is filled with so much greed
I cross a tight rope and darkness I will bleed
I know hell like the back of my hand
I run the same halls of the land that you stand
Some halls go deeper than you can
Some things you aren’t meant to understand
To be continued!?!
© Delia Ross. 2019
Read: A Visit From Lu Part 6
What, a seventh stanza? This series is out of control! This is what happens when children are allowed to be in charge of things…
Right, so I realized I needed to introduce the characters, our angel here is a warrior who tries to blend in with society but utterly fails. She’s not meant to, but she tries. She’s an outcast who sometimes forgets her worth…
Is there anyone here still with me reading this series!?!
Excuses
Excuses are the only thing people will proudly show
And if the perception ever shifts, it’s into a direction they never grow
And if you ask them questions they always reply that they don’t know
And if you ask for help they’ll point to a direction you can go
They’ll tell you their mind is open when really it is closed
And when it comes to your life they will be always be brown-nosed
If you peek in their direction you can see their fears exposed
It’s a dog-eat-dog world where sensibility decomposed
© Delia Ross. 2019
You know these types right? They always have their nose in your business? They have your life completely figured out and don’t understand why you don’t? They always look at you with the intent to find fault. And they will even poke and prod you until you bite them and then they scream, “that dog is crazy, it bit me!!!!” Even though the dog is completely tame and loyal and will only bite in self-defense. They always have someone to aid their defense, “yeah, that dog bit her!!!” But the fact is the dog would have never bit if you hadn’t fucked with her… and that is why we have fences so stop jumping my fence and poking me then crying “crazy” when I bite. Grab a mirror, get in the fucking sea already. I don’t have a history of violence or crazy so try again. But, whatever makes you sleep better at night, right? I’ll tell you what makes me fucking sleep, weed. It also helps me not give a shit that you’re such a fucking asshole.
Grudges
You can change it but then nothing changes except maybe faces if you live through the ages
You can hold grudges but then nothing’s worth shutting out the love she gives when it’s mixed with your ashes
She took all that skin you hid and she turned it into crosses
She prayed for the things that you did and turned it into magic
She drew a bridge over the sorrow and a tunnel through despair to bring you a brighter tomorrow
And though you gave her wings piercing sharp edges
She cut through your night and exposed a boy who’d gone missing
She tiptoed delicately and softly into your heart
Once inside she carved her name into your soul
And it ticks like a chime
And connects to her rhyme
And she’s with you all the time
And now you dream again
And hope is a sun
And day is a chance
And tomorrow is forgiven
For what crime is living
If you can’t have her around
Are you really going to be the stone that takes her down?
How many have you thrown at her now?
Do you line her mistakes up in a formation?
When she crumbles do you feel the vibration?
Does it give you a lot of appreciation?
When she falls do you feel a better man?
She put a dream in your hand
She made you feel something again
And now you wish her to be a better friend?
© Delia Ross. 2019
I just think people’s mistakes aren’t as bad as people make them out to be. Sometimes the innocent fall. Especially when faced with burdens and dilemmas (and often revelations). But the guilty will be the first to cast the stones. History has proved this time and time again… I had things I needed off my chest. I wasn’t going to do a rhyme and then I was and then I wasn’t and that seems to be the flow of the poem. It is what it is…
PoeEternal 