You can take the soap and wash words from my mouth
But I never meant for any of them to ever come out
And if you ever forgive me, my love is facing south
And all the dirt within me, took a different route
© Delia Ross. 2019
You ever have your mouth washed out with soap? I did once when I was ten and I misspelled shirt by spelling shit on my quiz, which the teacher said I did on purpose, because apparently I’m little miss perfect. So she called my mom and they both agreed I shouldn’t have misspelled a word in First grade and thus bathroom “lick the soap twice”. I wanted to fucking kill them. I don’t know how I’ve gone this long without murdering someone. God literally made me incapable of physically hurting another human being. Because “little miss perfect” *rolls eyes* *flaps wings*
It’s possible my subconscious did misspell a word because I was being beat at home but I only got beat more at school so…
I am a Leo tho, and I was certain then it was a mistake… I was already upset when I saw my grade was less than perfect, but now, a liar too!?! Age ten was toughs.
I come from a time when teachers used paddles, I had my butt whipped a few times at school too… for shit I didn’t do. How the fuck I am not in jail is a fucking miracle…
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I know a Leo when I see one! Keep your head held high, Queen.
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😍
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There’s no reason to humiliate or hurt a child that young.
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I was taken advantage of often in my life, and I’m super tiny and fragile. So I act tougher than I really am. I’ve been hurt alot, not just by men.
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And the accusing and calling me out happened in front of my other peers or classmates and the bathroom was in the back of the fucking classroom, it was the teachers bathroom. Humiliation Factor 101.
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While there are many really great teachers, there are also some sadistic ones, too. I suppose it’s like every other profession, except in this one the damages can be life long.
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I really don’t care that I had to eat some soap at the age of 10, I care more about the fact that my mouth hurt someone the other day, and while I was writing this poem it made me remember that traumatic event at 10 about eating soap and the humiliation factor behind it. I was hoping the story would make people laugh tho. I sometimes forget my sarcasm is a coping mechanism and people can see through it. 😋
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Another post that I missed the meaning of. 😉
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I don’t think you missed it, the comments just made me expand on it.
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But also art is subjective.
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I said some things I didn’t mean and had a change of head. The poem is completely unrelated to the event that happened at age 10, it just made me remember it when I was writing it.
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I get it now. Still, those memories have a way of hanging around.
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I have a brain injury so it’s weird what I can remember and what I don’t. And the things I wish I couldn’t remember I do…
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So sorry to read about this kind of child abuse. It really upsets me. Hug to your inner child that had to endure this
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I meant to make the story kind of sarcastic so it wouldn’t be so much of a trigger for others but unfortunately I suffered from all kinds of abuse as a child and this was probably some of the lesser of the evils but I can remember how angry it made me that they didn’t believe me, that “I spelled a curse word on purpose and that now I’m lying about spelling the curse word on purpose” and I was already upset for having less than a 100 on my grade when I studied and always got 100s. But now suddenly for no reason at all I’ve turned into a bad kid and I’m being punished for it over a mistake. I hated adults and never trusted them again. The abuse got way darker and sicker in my life thanks to my stepfather. And what followed in adulthood was terrible relationships with dudes who always were violent. My parents set me up for success. I’m not sure why I haven’t already killed myself… (I suffer from depression). Big surprise seeing as I’ve never known any ounce of love in my life.
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