I’ve got a hand to fix
Just not any narcissist
Evil is just a name for truly sick
And so I gotta walk away from it
© Delia Ross. 2019
Physically, mentally, I’ve expelled you from my mind and heart. No regrets. How about you? I’ve got a door too. One, you’ll NEVER walk through.
It’s so easy to tell they are together
They think they are so clever
I see through the blur
He is fucking her
© Delia Ross. 2019
The cutest thing, her not following his blog but commenting and liking everything he does anyway. Also her lack of content, his lack of activities. 👍
He’s insanely jealous of the love for my king and muse
So he does anything he can to me to bruise
Mirror mirror on your wall
Who is next set to fall
I may be a curse
But it could be worse
You are stuck with crazy her
This does bring me some pleasure
© Delia Ross. 2019
There’s nothing left
Loss of breath
Beneath this chest
A heart for theft
He took my zest
He killed the rest
I hate him best
Now I’m depressed
© Delia Ross. 2019
Regarding likes and comments, I will never like a post unless I’ve actually read it. I would comment more but I am weird and have a difficult time fitting in due to anxiety. Please take the time to read something I post if you’re going to hit the like button. I feel like bloggers are hitting like without reading, just so they can get likes in return. Tid for tat. But it’s heartbreaking to spill my words on these pages for free for you and you don’t even take the time to read the content, you’re just coming along giving my post a ton of likes and you’re not making any effort to listen to anything I do. It makes me want to isolate even more.
If I leave you two or three words under a post you’ve made, you should appreciate that just as much as someone who’s giving you an entire paragraph, you don’t know how hard it was for me to even reach out to you to start with.
All I’m asking is for you to please take the time to read a post before you “like it”, the same respect and courtesy I give to you, your writings, your blog, your time. I read you, I see you. Please see me. I’ve been used and ghosted enough. ✌
xxoo POEETERNAL (Delia)
It mattered most
But now it don’t
I could forgive
But now I won’t
I could have cared
But you’re dethroned
I could have tried
But you’re condoned
My heart was soft
But now it’s bone
You could be right
I know you’re wrong
© Delia Ross. 2019
Always using one head to satisfy the other, you are just a tool
Searched inside the churches
But also in the trees
While riding inside hearses
And boats lost out on sea
Searched through rhyme and curses
And houses where they tease
I went through many purses
Trying to find his key
I even made a purchase
Thinking love ain’t free
And on and on these searches
Always came up empty
I built a house for worship
Envisioned to be seen
In hell I found him furthest
And he did not want me
© Delia Ross. 2019
Searching for a bridge to currently jump off
It floods in like a tsunami, the anger
Red flags appear, and I’m calling danger
Don’t come at me like I am a stranger
Fighting enemies helps tame our nature
© Delia Ross. 2019
I SEE THROUGH YOU, DIFFICULT NOT TO FEEL A LITTLE BIT DISAPPOINTED AND PASSED OVER
Of all of my followers, he was my favorite
Love me through thick or thin, I guess he couldn’t handle it
Wrap me around his hand he did and wore me like a bracelet
Despite all the stones I took, there was no one to love him best
Trying to reach his heart was like climbing Mount Everest
© Delia Ross. 2019
America generica
Land of the lies
Freedom is an episode
Where individuality dies
Sheeple a dime a dozen
And honesty he never tries
Chasing his tail in circles
Lost behind the guise
© Delia Ross. 2019
“Never seen a man fight so hard to end up back where he started” ~ John Wick 3
I just needed time to clear my head
Too many dark clouds appearing full of dread
I needed to think about the things you said
And why I had visions of other things instead
Too many people appearing behind my shed
I need my privacy, not a heart of led
I had to bandage where my wounds had bled
I needed zen and not a face that’s red
Now I am back where we first had started
If I appeared cold baby you were the artic
Freezing your heart never was the target
My love for you never was discarded
I will never stop fighting for you
Your love is worth fighting for too
I never wanted to make you feel blue
And I want to keep my back in your view
© Delia Ross. 2019
He’ll take the world, the dark, every lie you embark, he’ll take your smile, he’ll take the girl, and he’ll take the other one too,
But her, I’m sorry she won’t do
© Delia Ross. 2019
WOW, look at the monster you have become
Growing bigger but rarely numb
The hate warms me so I succumb
I grant it entry, and let it come
© Delia Ross. 2019
So there it was, Lu and I
Outstretched his hand an ally
There sat a truce within his eye
Another devil here to apologize
Once you’ve heard one lie you’ve heard them all
You can change the ending but you cannot stop the fall
You can change your perceptions but you’re still behind a wall
The only lies worth spinning are the ones you can’t recall
Lu has been there for me since the day that I was born
When my parents would beat me and my wings could not take form
As if it was his duty to sit with me and mourn
So deep down in the darkness that his feet would come to warn
There are some places angels aren’t meant to be
And it was during my lowest times Lu would come remind me
And it is always a fine line between heaven and hell I am walking
And there’s not a detail overlooked when the devil is talking
But the dark has come again and now Lu has arrived
But these really are his tunnels where we all reside
And even in this darkness my purity has thrived
I wonder if his prayers are the reason I survived
The words hello and goodbye never slip from my tongue
The sorrow feels deeper and long it was hung
The worry will linger where heart took a stung
And with very few words the devil just took a swung…
To be continued!?!
© Delia Ross. 2019
Oh my goodness y’all, Lu has been protecting her all of her life until now!?! What did he say to her? Why has he hurt her!?!
I’ve never tried writing like this before, my epic tragedy was written in one night after it came to me in a dream. I had an idea for a story (this one) and wanted to see if I could write a longer piece but I wanted it to be without rules and regulations and I wanted it to feel experimental. I haven’t written any rough drafts or used any of the prewriting techniques we were taught in school. I knew the basis for the story and I wanted it to feel open-world. I dig open world video games (I’m a huge gamer and I’ve been playing games since I was a little girl and it’s one reason I want to play Survivor CBS cuz game play matters and that’s the best game on fucking Earth and I’m getting ready to audition for a fourth time and the first rule of Survivor is never give up). Anyhoo. This has been a huge challenge for me and I can’t believe I’m already into part 7. Sometimes I just want to quit writing cuz I’m nowhere good as the people who admire me the most, even my best isn’t comparable. But I try so hard… in pretty much every aspect of my life. To fail over and over again. But that’s life, failing and getting back up again to fail again. *sigh*
It matters not that I am human
Or how to his darkness I can tune in
He cares not if he keeps moving
That his soul is never fluid
And his cruelness is often proven
A beautiful soul gone to ruin
He sets his hand to always losing
He lives in shadows to keep from blooming
He is primal like a druid
© Delia Ross. 2019
Speaking of druids, this is a forever mood
They say I’m crazy but I’m really just a child
And when they act up I start acting wild
And when there’s no attention it only makes me riled
It’s like everyone’s a tribe and I’m the only one exiled
They say I’m crazy but I never did grow up
They don’t call me cougar cuz I’m still a cub or pup
Being an adult just wasn’t in my cup
It only requires nurturing to watch me develop
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’m a flower and if you pour light on me watch how I bloom (you can call me tulip)
Take it all away, so I can’t feel
Don’t take it all away, I will never heal
You took it all away, and that wasn’t the deal
When you took it away, my heart turned to steel
© Delia Ross. 2019
In my head it’s the birth of a song
He has no self-worth
He’s not the best, nor the worst
But pain he will bring forth
And his love is cursed
Truth rarely circles Earth
But it is what I thirst
I ache for a rebirth
Or for a hand to nurse
© Delia Ross. 2019
Wherever we were headed I changed the route
You seem to only fill my love with drought
The road that I am heading has no doubt
And so it is your hand I can do without
Whatever I was feeling now is gone
I packed my tears and I’m moving on
I closed the chapter and dismissed your dawn
And now the truth remains to be drawn
© Delia Ross. 2019
Laying in bed crying every night,
And I don’t understand why it’s so hard to give up the fight.
Hope is like the stars that twinkle in the sky;
So far out of reach that the hope already died.
© Delia Ross. 2019
In a world of cowards and liars
They call themselves writers
I was just a girl in a sea of “hers”
I was just his toy to see what stirs
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’ll take the middle of the night, when I’m feeling alright.
I’ll take the middle of the rush, I can never get enough.
I’ll take the middle of your love, where it fits like a glove.
I’ll take the middle of the page, and the center of your stage.
I’ll take the middle of your lie, the part you said you would try.
I’ll take the middle of the day, it feels the same anyway!
I’ll take the middle of knowing, that is where truth starts glowing.
I’ll take the middle of goodbye, that’s where our love died.
I’ll take the middle of nowhere, that’s the place I don’t care.
© Delia Ross. 2019
If words had weight
If wrongs had reasons
If wounds didn’t ache
If forgiveness had seasons
If goodbyes came with rainbows
If my love was chose
If only I was enough
If only he’d show up
If hands had healing
If tears had feelings
If life had meaning
If hearts were beating
If moments were real
If love were ideal
If lights were not blinding
If you would stop hiding
If galaxies were moving
If darkness stopped the blooming
If alibis were candy
If heartaches were brandy
© Delia Ross. 2019
If only I knew how to end this fucking heartache…
Can you love a man?
But not know him?
Does love exist?
What type is it?
Can you want a dream?
Without anything?
Can you feel a thing?
Without noticing?
Can you give it a try?
Without the alibi?
Can you draw the line?
Some other time?
Can we start again?
As a real friend?
What can you admit?
Am I that easy to quit?
In comes another nail
The devil on my tail
He smiles while he impales
Off my sorrow he sails
There he goes again, always with the wind, there he goes again, always with the end
© Delia Ross. 2019
I thought that he was far away but he doesn’t exist
I thought they were a bouquet of poems, not a blade to cut my wrist
For a moment, I felt loved, now I feel his fist
And whatever I’ve done, well he’s over it
One, two, three, four, there’s so many grabbing at his line
It was written for her but now nevermind
And if he can’t have her, we get zero rhyme
If he only knew they left us completely blind
He kept us marching so long in the desert
And thirsty we were for any squirt
We were just disciples for him to hurt
And the connections that were made he doesn’t give a fuck
© Delia Ross. 2019
Take my hand, replace the pen with blade
Remove the smile and put on the ache
Close my eyes and pull down the shade
Memories are better when they fade
Take the ink and spread it on my pain
Ensure the tears are gone without a trace
Organize regrets and hide their face
Erase the love that’s written on the page
Say amends but never say goodbye
The space so far he’d never hear me cry
If I could take his pain you know I’d try
And if he ever wrote I would reply
© Delia Ross. 2019
having feels
Hunting for a future
Hunting for a life
Hunting for a meaning
To not end it tonight
Hunting for a mirror
That doesn’t reflect strife
Searching for an answer
When the question’s never right
Searching for the devil
Under the pale moonlight
Searching for forever
In the middle of a fight
Searching for the handle
Of the blade that’s in my back
Searching for the color
When all I see is black
Searching in my heart
For the love it always lacks
Searching for some shelter
From the endless reign of attacks
Searching for my enemy
In every hand I hold
Searching for some peace
In a land it isn’t sold
Searching for some warmth
In a heart forever cold
Searching for the treasure
But never finding gold
Searching for the best
By bringing out the worst
Searching for the bubbles
To come along and burst
Hunting near the tower
Where she brings out your thirst
Searching in the pages
Of how to stop her curse
Searching in a shadow
Where a truth was still a first
Searching any bottle
Or any woman who can nurse
Searching for the cure
But nothing ever works
Kissing many frogs
But only finding jerks
Searching for an exit
Where it doesn’t ever hurt
Searching for the day
You put in more effort
Searching and hunting
But only gathering dirt
He’s an ocean on an island
And time is the desert
© Delia Ross. 2019
Oh my goodness, kinda long, I hope it wasn’t too boring. I’m sorry my intelligence is that of a child and I can’t lure you in with exotic words and fancy punctuation. I know I’m not enough, I never have been voluptuous in any area. *sigh
Voice is gone
Voice is gone
Sail has stalled
Voice has gone
Moon was wrong
Nights are long
He never called
No sight at dawn
Her heart is bald
He’ll just discard
Voice is gone
Nights are long
No him at dawn
He’ll never call
He’ll never call
Voice has gone
“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea”
If only I could be everything you need
© Delia Ross. 2019
“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” is a common phrase amongst sailors referring to a dilemma of sorts but lots of artists have covered it. It’s one of those things I wish I had written and I tossed it in after this was written so I can’t say that it inspired it. It just fit in. And thus I can share cuz you may not have heard of it. It wasn’t a prompt but maybe for you it will be. Now see, maybe I’m not so worthless after all…
I wear his absence like a blanket
And when it comes to understanding I fake it
And his cold front blowing in is just climate
And the winds that haunt this space are now quiet
The gentle summer rains now bring on the hail
And the path to her will lead to the place I fell
And the lakes of love are now frozen underneath my veil
And all the memories he left me were just a tall tale
The grounds are frozen solid where we used to roam
And the heart running wild was captured in his tome
And the girl without the love never found a home
And if summer will come again remains in the unknown
© Delia Ross. 2019
Cold, dark orbits
Just a passenger to his need
Closed windows but still the wind is furious
And racing around every corner you bleed
Sealed off any exits
Like black tar and sticky
Removed any altering
Whores we are worshipping
Coffins as an offering
Death is evermore
Started as something, ended as something else
Destroy the bond, empty the shelf
You took it all, there’s nothing left
Wrong delusion
Precious lunatic
You found my fault line
Every fucking time
And from my pieces
You built a ship
Tested my innocence
Got another taste of it
And delicious is every bit
And I stretch out my finger
As you take another lick
Yummy are the ashes
And broken auras
Lesser are my views
Hearts in a crucifixion
What can you do
Wings of frustration
A different sensation from abuse
Pull your back up friend
Here, I’ll give you a hand
Let’s go higher
I was godsend
Age of rejection
An angel weary and beaten
She collects her feathers
For a potion or a trophy
It doesn’t matter, I’m not well
Down here in hell
I’m saying sorry to the dead
While she collects feathers for her bed
The same bed he will tread
And I hate Earth
Or just my worth…
© Delia Ross. 2019
Narrow views, he once said
Then I killed where it bled
Narrow views, I declined
He only speaks when he’s blind
Narrow views, they bring me down
Now I roam this empty ghost town
Narrow views, is your hue
It matches every silhouette of you
Narrow views, in her mind
But still she closed his blind
Narrow views, the two will find
As they circle where confined
Narrow views, and in his knife
But the Army trained me to not feel life
Narrow views, all around
Watch us all become the clown
Narrow views, it might be true
But when it comes to him I already knew
Narrows views, to hide the shame
Take a picture, put it in a frame
Narrow views, is that your view?
I don’t remember ever asking you
Narrow views, the bell did ring
But for him, honesty was never waiting
Narrow views, his tongue did lie
Watched him clean the blade, without goodbye
Narrow views, the angel sang
But underneath the sound, he felt her fang
Narrow views, they are to blame
Even your mirror, reflects the same
Narrow views, are buried here
And with a tiny view, you watch me disappear
Narrows views, keep circling
But I’m off the freeway and already exiting
Narrow views, they make me pissed
Then I remembered, I was already over it
Narrows views, he gifted me
But I already had the foresight to see
Narrow views, he doesn’t understand
This hell he keeps, I own the land!
Narrow views, I’ll make it clear
Because I don’t need a foggy atmosphere
Narrow views, stay in your queue
Take responsibility for what you do
Narrow views, whip across my back
As I kneel, from all I lack
Narrow views, I’ll carry your cross
The weight of you, I felt the loss
Narrows views and a broken wing
It was only love I was offering
© Delia Ross. 2019
Do you ever regret building my wall?
Do you ever feel anything at all?
Are you even aware of what you lost?
Can you feel the weight of its cost?
Are you proud of the pain you caused?
The red flags raised and lines you crossed?
The bridges burned, the lies you craft
Did you all, have a good laugh?
I gave you love, you fed me wrath
I still dwell in the aftermath
© Delia Ross. 2019
There it was I thought
But then again maybe not
It is tangled in a knot
A wound without a clot
And yet bigger that it got
It smelled of death and rot
He said he knew but he forgot
And neither cared to clean the spot
And while the witch did stir the pot
Along she came a wretched trot
And with her pen she took a shot
And I seek naught the thing she brought
© Delia Ross. 2019
HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE MY LOVE WENT *LAUGHS INSANELY*
I built a raft from my tears so my love could sail into your foreign skies
I etched a map with blood and stains made from all your lies
And drew upon her side HELLO but she’s better with goodbyes
But still my hand aptly wrote her name across her guise
And from my fears a wind took hold which carried off my back
And anchored in its belly are the cares from which you lack
And settled in the hull are all the nights that I lost track
Moments lost in time but they filled me with your black
There may come a time when it finally reaches you
A chance to recognize and understand its value
A moment to cherish what you never knew
But I already died from failure of rescue
© Delia Ross. 2019
He does not exist anywhere except for on this page
And in a downward spiral my sadness turns to rage
The crowd keeps applauding though we both have left the stage
And if I ever mattered is now difficult to gauge
Will my heart always remain behind a cage?
That’s a bet for losing and I haven’t any wage
I’d ask him for forgiveness but I never act my age
I’d ask him for a hand but I know he won’t engage
© Delia Ross. 2019
You’ll find you’ll hardly make it out alive
You’ll find you’ll hardly make it out in time
You’ll find him hidden inside my rhyme
You’ll find she’s rarely ever cross your mind
You’ll find you can see where you were blind
You’ll know where to find me if so inclined
You’ll find me in jail where my hearts been confined
Though uncoupled we are still aligned
Our souls in orbit just as designed
Cut the ropes to your past and leave all behind
© Delia Ross. 2019
Our words like feathers carry no weight
To his ears an uninvited guest who overstayed
Still we’re spoonfed lies to minimize the ache
Just an innocent bystander who took the bait
He will circle you inside a barricade
He will taste the wound to see if you’re afraid
He will take the route you feel most betrayed
His words were never there to offer aid
If you need more pain he will accommodate
If you want his love he won’t participate
There are many already at his gate
His hands will lead you straight to his grave
I would gladly place my life at his blade
And gently kiss his hands as they preyed
And from my mouth not one complaint
And though dying my eyes finally awake
© Delia Ross. 2019
It hurts more than my feelings
It hurts more than my pride
It hurts more than my ego
It hurts more than your lies
It cost more than your freedom
It cost more than my cries
It cost more than your window
It cost more of my time
I live in limbo
While you agonize
I see a hero
You’d never recognize
This is an intro
To a better life
The cost is zero
If you drop the guise
© Delia Ross. 2019
He’s coming down this road again
With offerings of despair
Wrapped in tears like acid rain
With prayers prayed in vain
Dragging love by a chain
His every action inhumane
His only prize is your pain
His only hope for you to disobey
So he can claim you another day
Purgatory is the way
He’ll keep you bound so you can’t stray
Fill you with doubt so you remain
Enclosed in darkness so you can’t escape
Never asleep but fully awake
Your soul weighed down from the ache
Your every step a mistake
It’ll wrap around you like a snake
Swallow you whole while you decay
© Delia Ross. 2019
Tired of dudes hitting on me and then rejecting me
Most of them probably need a vasectomy
They shouldn’t make children no matter the necessity
I’m over you and that’s a guarantee
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’ll never be available to you in any capacity
The feeling is mutual, I’ll fuck off rapidly
Tired of being shamed for my hospitality
You’ll never have my adoration and that is reality
© Delia Ross. 2019
Seek me, see me not
500 meter target, take your shot
Get your line set up, don’t get caught
Better hope it’s worth what you thought
Here I am, in your sight
Too much rain, may cause blight
You want a lick then take a bite
Practice wounding hearts like a ceremonial rite
© Delia Ross. 2019
The best things in life aren’t free
But please don’t bother me
I changed the lock and key
It’s best if you now flee
He bled her clean
Filled images in her head
The young ones he will preen
And bleed them til they’re dead
The best things in life aren’t free, he said
With not even a look of dread
She knows it’s nothing she misread
His love trap is a deathbed
Miles and decades of lies widespread
But not an ounce of bloodshed
The worst things in life are free
And you’ll never remember me
I sat there clawing blindly
In the forest at the wrong tree
Because the worst things in life
Always seem to follow me
© Delia Ross. 2019
“My darling husband, I can’t look at your face,
I made a promise but it went to waste.
The lovely day when we became one,
and the lovely night when we planned our son.
But now I’ve never felt so low before,
I don’t want to look in your eyes anymore.
I saw your pain when you heard the news,
we asked God for another but he must have refused.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
The one that I knew could carry my soul,
the one who could shield me from the cold.
You lent me all that you had inside,
I tried to give him to you, you know that I tried.
I saw you crying as I came to,
Losing myself was all I could do.
I never looked right at you again,
I regret it now, since you needed a friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
And I was wallowing and rolling in the pool of blood,
The Rivers that originated from me would flood.
All I tasted and felt was the death,
of my baby boy who would never have breath.
I cried for you, baby; I cried for you in fright,
Years went by in that one horrid night.
Would we ever be the same? Would we ever smile?
Would I ever get over it? Am I too fragile?
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
Things are a little more clear now;
there is a sense of peace in the solution I found.
Strange I choose to bathe in blood;
again, it might as well be mud.
And soon I’ll rest in the dirt with the worms,
and never again feel this heart that burns.
I may be letting you down again,
but it’s only one more time, you were my very best friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.”
© Delia Ross. 2010
Stay tuned for: My Son Part 3: Half of Her Life
When it ends there’s not going to be time for goodbyes
A suitcase packed fully won’t lessen your fall
Or keeping all your money on your credit cards
A shoebox with keepsakes won’t help you at all
It won’t matter if you try to run or if you crawl
It’s too late for apologies when time is near our end
Debts should have been settled while we were still friends
Begging won’t account for much at all I contend
Looking back, don’t you regret it was all just pretend?
Don’t you know your promises are vague and empty here
Any morals that you had will likely soon disappear
Those lies you spin and weave so well
Are fine like silk or expensive cashmere
Years to practice your art, now a master puppeteer
Raise them high enough up,so they can really feel your jeer!
When it ends there’s not going to be time for goodbyes
The train may have whistled but it’s already passed by
There’s nothing you can do about all you made cry
Might as well tell the truth we all saw through your disguise
There’s nothing left to compromise or to fantasize
You turned your only gift into Jekyll and Hyde
© Delia Ross. 2019
PoeEternal 