Mixed Up

Block unblock block unblock
I can’t figure it out
Got the devil controlling my right hand
And this angel is full of doubt

Follow leave follow leave
I have lost direction
The devil keeps pointing at you
And you’re the object of obsession

Today I care but tomorrow I won’t
But give it another day
Whatever it is my heart is thinking
The devil’s got something to say

Whatever this spell he has me under
I can’t go away
But if he really hated me
He would have blocked me yesterday

© Delia Ross. 2019


All this blocking and unblocking I do, follow and unfollow routine, but he’s never once done those things to me. CUZ HE LOVES ME AND IT DRIVES ME INSANE. THUS POEM ABOVE. I’m sure he’d like me to be on Mars already but he needs to fuck me first. Sorry not sorry. Still loves him.

He drives me cra cra for real
How do you stop loving someone? I can’t figures it out…
“Just another lost angel in the city of night”

Help keep my blog running and advert free by subscribing to my new Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal/

I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

Listen to me free on my radio channel at Tuners Radiohttps://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

Top 9 Post of 2019 on Instagram!

Hi! Just a quick message to let you know I’ve shared my top 9 posts of 2019, as loved by you, on my Instagram, in my Instagram story, if you’d like a chance to see them! They definitely were highlights of the year, if not my life!!! I’m glad they made my top 9, although one was certainly shocking. You can check out my Instagram here, and I’ve highlighted the story, so it should remain in a thread after the story ends in 24 hours. The story can be accessed where my avatar is, if you are unfamiliar with how Insta stories work. Thanks for all the love y’all in 2019! If you’d like to be part of it for 2020, come give me a follow, no pressure though!

Hit me up: instagram.com/poeeternal/

Visit my Instagram to see my top 9 post of the year as loved by you!

His Laughter

Hearing his laughter is like an avalanche of joy crashing into my soul
Boulders of despair crumble into the great wide unknown
And for a moment, if I dare, I call this broken rumble home
Wide open spaces on our faces made for places where sadness can atone

His laughter is like God ringing the dinner bell
Depression lifted like a veil
A voice from heaven reaching me in hell
The very reason for happiness as far as I can tell

© Delia Ross. 2019

Hearing him laugh is a great anti-depressant. His happiness is my throne. I’d climb the highest mountain to hear it, if only but for a moment. Is there anyone you love to hear laugh? I freestyle wrote this at 3 am while the world was sleeping cuz I heard a thing with him laugh & like poem erupted so. I love to hear him laugh if that was somehow unclear. 😄


You can support me and this blog by subscribing to my Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Follow me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal/

I follow back on Twitter 😊 and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

I did a soft reading of this on my Tuners Radio account, and you can listen free here: https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

Addiction

He built me tall like a cathedral
I stuck his poetry in me like a needle
Never caring if it was lethal
One’s not enough, give me a prologue and a sequel
And though he took me high I felt like his equal
For a moment he made me feel like I was his people
But he ditched me for something more evil

© Delia Ross. 2019

He once made me feel I was his angel… now I feel no more

Traces

He traces over my body
Exploring every freckle like it’s a galaxy
He speaks in mountains of sighs
He travels through my valley’s
Through my depressions and my highs
He lingers near the alley of my thighs
He catches every heartbeat when he looks into my eye
And gentle is the hand that never says goodbye

© Delia Ross. 2019

He once traced me in poetry, now it is only in dream…

Red

Struggling to put words on the page
Trying to keep the ink from turning red
Difficult finding solitude while I age
Wishing he’d free me from this dread

Difficult finding strength just to engage
Pacing around in circles since he fled
Cannot find my freedom in a cage
Does he understand a word I said

Love is free, it shouldn’t cost a wage
But like a war it turned into bloodshed
As if a play he exited from the stage
And where he goes an angel cannot tread

He avoids the truth like it is a plague
And his thoughts of me he can never shed
Just a gust of wind is all I need to enrage
Already mending pieces where I lost my head

© Delia Ross. 2019

Drop my crutches and crawl on the floor for you / went looking behind every door for you…” (selfie circa 2007)

I did a soft reading of this on my Tuners account (free to listen, no download needed. Great app by Alex Ebert, free app to use too): https://tuners.io/tracks/13799

Listen for free! 🙂

The Way Forward

The way forward is forgiveness not revenge
The way to forgiveness takes walking on your feet
To stir stagnant waters growing underneath
You need truth in your amends

Stuck in the rut so now you build a trench
But nothing in your life you ever do enrich
What is behind the mask that you defend
A worthless man (whom none can depend)

An end to the suffering and all you demise
The pain you inflict with only blue eyes
So quick on the tongue to startle and avenge
There’s no safety in pretends

The love now cold where once was a furnace
A love so sure now not so certain
Just another sheeple behind a dirty curtain
Well, you’re just like the others who never grow from learning

Negative energy you build like a wall
Fire the gun but then you stall
Say you can love but you haven’t at all
Maybe you’re standing but you’re not very tall

The way forward is forgiveness not revenge
And maybe if you ask you’ll get it in the end
So stop building your defense
There are many you need to transcend

© Delia Ross. 2019

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

Cocoon

“Fall back! Retreat!”
My tongue is on repeat
My heart isn’t listening
It has burrowed in your sleep

“Take cover, find shelter!”
But I can handle most any weather
A simple dweller
Under a star so stellar

You can bury me but love you cannot remove
Is there anything else left to prove?
We all have lives we need to improve
My forgiveness is on the move

Clawing out of my silken cocoon
Growing over the words that you croon
Hoping for chance but loving too soon
I’ll never get over you…

© Delia Ross. 2019

Valor

It takes alot of strength to be a good person
It takes alot of steel to not make it worsen
It takes alot of fuel to keep the flames burnin’
It takes alot of prayer to never feel a burden

So you shed another skin and you’re mending up your heart
It’s been patched so many times that it keeps falling apart
Make it up the hill before his love can depart
Climbing all this time, I guess it wasn’t very smart

Lay down my rifle, lay down my pen
Take a breath, count to ten
I’ll give forgiveness just don’t ask when
I still search for peace though I’ve lost all my zen

It takes a lot of dark to appreciate the day
But when you make it through there’s no reason left to stay
What does the hero do when he’s only come to pray
What does the writer write when there’s nothing left to say

© Delia Ross. 2019

Our Life Is An Epic Poem

Our life is an epic poem
Like the Great Red Spot on Jupiter
Our pain is our greatest storm
And we burrow and we rise in perfect form

Struggles are ingredients to our lives
And we sprinkle bits of honey on the knives
And we reach such depths in our dives
But this is how all life thrives

In our toolkit we have so much courage
We eat our sadness like it is porridge
We peer into darkness where we flourish
And our will becomes an endless forage

© Delia Ross. 2019


Alex Ebert inspires me so much, in every possible way. His pep talk on Tuners radio hit a core. I am grateful for him. For being able to learn and grow and not be stagnant in my woe. But to flourish and thrive. You cannot have light without the dark. And so I see my darkness in a new light. And so I take these waves to greater heights, as I settle in the cold black night. Everything’s gonna be alright. Just gotta get through the bite. Then sight. If you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts and ideation, you really should go listen to his pep talk, it’s under 2 minutes but maybe the greatest lesson of my life. Listen for free (no download needed): https://tuners.io/tracks/13446

I also dropped this poem as a spoken word reply under his thread “You Are Courageous” under Alex’s Tuners Radio account, if you wanna have a listen: https://tuners.io/tracks/13492

Vampire Viking Fourplay

Satin today
Tomorrow blade
A mask won’t hide his thoughts away
Closed doors to me are an archway
His absence is saying come my way

His distance is sky for my parachute
His bitterness to me is the sweetest fruit
I’ll put it on my tongue and savor his juice
His walls to me are just another route

Dirt was made for digging tunnels
Demons fall bored so may cause troubles
His desert to me is an open jungle
His masks to me are just more popped bubbles

Stuck with me on planet Earth
The deeper you burrow, I value your worth
The more you plummet, I feel your girth
The more you love, the more I curse

© Delia Ross. 2019

A sign to me is a doorway, a fence was made to be jumped

Blue (Spoken word with guitar)

I dids a thang! A little spoken word with guitar fingerpicking on my Epiphone acoustic (it’s free to listen on Tuners, no download needed). My fingers are raw and it barely cracks a minute! I have terrible stage fright so this is not easy to do.

🤓 https://tuners.io/tracks/13355

He is the strength of a mountain with branches made of youth
He is a gentle stream of power pouring kindness over you
He has the eyes of a telescope and his focus is on truth
He’s got the sky in his eye and the colors always blue

© Delia Ross. 2019

Blue
Alex Ebert digi art by me

Made For You

I’ve kissed lips that tasted of kings
I’ve slept in halls where angels sing
I’ve ridden sorrow through hells domain
But in my heart is where he remains

In an outpour I bleed out the worst
I expell the poison and simmer the curse
If time were a remedy, I’d drink until full
If his heart were a string, I’d give it a pull

Kings and queens and other things too
Honey, they won’t replace my love of you
Diamonds and roses and even poetry
You may have a million girls but they ain’t me

I’ve been through the pain and through the waste
I’ve tried them all they ain’t my taste
You are stubborn and you know it’s true
The universe says I was made for you

© Delia Ross. 2019

I’m hopping on Patreon if you’d like to support my artistic endeavors! 🙏 https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Eastbound

Silence on the battleground
Blood on my sword
Sorrow now eastbound
Forgiveness I’m not marching toward

The sky is red
My heart is black
The love is dead
I’m not coming back

Tie my boots tighter
Brush off the pain
I am a fighter
Death is my reign

Casualties on the field
Integrity is my alibi
Your end is where I healed
So this is where you die

© Delia Ross. 2019 

Kinky vampy bitch inside

First off let me just say, I am a kinky bitch. I am in no way ashamed of my body, even though for many years many people tried to make me feel bad for being petite and for not being made of plastic. You see, I may not have fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake tits, fake tans, or fake personalities, etc, because I actually like to feel and sense my surroundings. I want to feel the things I’m touching and the things that are touching me and plastic is a barrier. And so, what you see is what you get. I shouldn’t have to remove my panties to find a good lover. Everyone is so desensitized these days, but not me. Even that plastic vibrator you’re using is keeping you disconnected and from real connection. I’ve traveled the world, I could have bought breast many times over, but I love myself too much to fall for society’s standards. I’m not a slut and I’m not asking you for money but generally girls who remove their panties are in fact asking you for money one way or the other. Whether it be a print or a book collaboration. So I am kinky, I am a vampire, I like kinky sex but I’m very private about my sexual life. I never said the blogger was fucking everyone, I said she’s fucking one person. And living in Alaska doesn’t rule you out of fucking sex.

Stop judging me by the covers I refuse to take off and start seeing me for my actual worth. I am not close-minded. But she is a sex worker, stop fucking being blinded by the shades and wording she is using. I DON’T LIKE HER AND HE SHOULDN’T BE WITH HER. BAD INFLUENCE.

Remembers Worth

When you let some punks send you into hiding and then you return to the internet lands with zero followers

Yes, an official Tweet by Val Kilmer LOVING my pen!!! As a writer, win!!!!

So panic mode naturally because I thought I lost my king following me…

But my king and Bush still follow me!!!! 😍
*remembers worth*
“Be happy, it’s a choice”. A man of so few words but oh so wise
If you don’t think Gavin has seen the worse of me, you’d be wrong.
Birthday loves oh my effing god my king well he sees me yes he does, I exist, I exist!!!

This isn’t like our only interactions, I just remembered that his love is everything. I may be small on the totem pole but I’m on the fucking pole.

And I’ve got my Twitter followers coming in now saying they still have me so happy happy joy joy.

I dropped a 10-minute thread on Tuners about the importance of followers and likes (free app to listen and use, no download needed to listen): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

Until You Die

Love will keep you alive
Sin will keep you chained under a lie
Until you die, until you die
But love will help you both survive
And so I try, I still try
Despite the tears he always makes me cry

© Delia Ross. 2019   

Oh my godddddd *giggles*
Poe!!!!!
I can’t breathe, this is like so effin cute omg
Y’ALL
Just a gal on a Thursday night in a Poe tee
Amused!
What do you think? Father daughter?
I think I got my love emo from him…
I hope you still like me out there…
Despite being emo…

Back Where We Started

“Never seen a man fight so hard to end up back where he started” ~ John Wick 3

I just needed time to clear my head
Too many dark clouds appearing full of dread
I needed to think about the things you said
And why I had visions of other things instead

Too many people appearing behind my shed
I need my privacy, not a heart of led
I had to bandage where my wounds had bled
I needed zen and not a face that’s red

Now I am back where we first had started
If I appeared cold baby you were the artic
Freezing your heart never was the target
My love for you never was discarded

I will never stop fighting for you
Your love is worth fighting for too
I never wanted to make you feel blue
And I want to keep my back in your view

© Delia Ross. 2019


The Answers Are In The Questions (But I’ll Let You Keep Guessing)

What is confusion?
What is space?
What is reason?
What is grace?

What is love?
What is hate?
What is trust?
What is waste?

What is life?
What is death?
What is falter?
What is step?

What is time?
What is short?
What is long?
What is sport?

What is pride?
What is regret?
What is sight?
What is connect?

What is friend?
What is stranger?
What is safe?
What is danger?

© Delia Ross. 2019


The idea originally was to answer the questions in rhyme beside the questions but then it sort of flowed out with the answers in the questions (or maybe implied between the lines). I was inspired by the micropoem I read below (hers is better)… 👇


“What are heavy? sea-sand and sorrow:
What are brief? today and tomorrow:
What are frail? Spring blossoms and youth:
What are deep ? the ocean and truth.” ~ Christina Rossetti


Underworld

Hurt him
Hurt him to save him
Push him from hope
Let him learn to swim

Hurt him
Hurt him to save him
Give him some rope
Let him learn to trim

Hurt him
Hurt him to save him
Kick him down the slope
Maybe then he can feel

Hurt her
Hurt her to save her
Show her under your mask
The end at last

© Delia Ross. 2019


Inspired by heartache and a line from a favorite film, Moulin Rouge: hurt him to save him

Bound

Twisted around his finger he has me wound
Like a string, pluck a note, make a sound
Up and down my neck his finger’s bound
Stretching fingers’ out ’til scales are found

Turn the volume up so cries are drowned
Make her beg for mercy where he’s crowned
Dig into her flesh a calloused frown
Teach her that there is no love around

Practice through the night ’til finger’s raw
Make her wish you never met at all
Polish over wounds until they thaw
Making sure she’s crawling down the hall

First there will be pleasure then a claw
Seeing things you’d rather never saw
Open wide fist inside your jaw
Safety here never was a law

© Delia Ross. 2019

The Muse

For my muse – there’s only ever been the one
He evokes poetry on the tongue
He puts words in my thumb
He makes the darkness go numb
He makes the daylight come

A visual walking masterpiece
He sees through the worst of me

He lives in a world I’ll never be able to cross into
A star so bright he can pierce through –
Any structure, any crack or dark avenue
He’s teaching me how to be human too
He suffers the way you and I do
I hate it but it’s true

An archangel of the highest order –
Though probably not a title he’d gladly hoarder

I see him in a different color
Where blackness is always duller

His mind is so expanse he’s more than genius
His message is love just like Jesus 🙂
He should be my life thesis 🙂
(Fuck, he’ll probably see this) 🙂
((I’m not trying to start a war I promise))

BUT I AM FUCKING GLAD FOR HIS EXISTENCE

Well, he’s perfect yes
Even when he’s not at his best
And so yeah, I love him more than all the rest
I’m sorry if that will put you to the test
I am not a threat

Respect, admiration, freelove
It’s a gift from above
(I am just a little dove)
And so I am thankful forever of..

“HAPPY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD” inspired by Alexander Ebert 1000% of the time (photo edits by me)


Being

His name slips from my tongue
Making me warm
Etched forever in my heart
A tattoo on my soul

The need like oxygen
My mind racing to trace every line of his existence
There in another galaxy
In every possibility
Give it to me
Freely
My spirit circles your trinity
Take me to infinity
On your pages
From your tongue
In any manner you can think of
Life before had never begun

My fantasies are reality
That’s why I feel the need
You exist in me
I don’t need eyes to see
You clearly

So every idea is living too
Every thought there’s more than two
In this realm or the next
On planet Earth you are still the best

I send them far and I send them wide
These dreams keep me occupied
Wow, we live so many lives
In some I am your wife
In others you have died
There are realms of goodbye
They always make me cry
Because you are alive
And I need you by my side
Or at least without a divide

Close my eyes, dream of you
Lost in the twilight of your blue
Take my hand, see me true
Understand my heart too

There you are seeing me
And it comes so easily
Taste your lips, I feel free
Trace your heart with my energy

Fertile hands, seeds of love
I give you everything from above

Look at all this space to soar
Free your mind, feel me more
Open every single door
I never felt this much before

Vulnerability is every asteroid
But still life forms from what’s destroyed

You teach me everything
You are higher than a king
You are the very existence of my being

© Delia Ross. 2019


I am going to attempt spoken word freestyle soon, and drop it on Tuners.

Dear Bloggers, Please Read

Many of you are excellent writers, and I wanted to recommend Blurb, a self-publishing company that is among the best out there. You may not get rich by self-publishing (some authors have, like Stephanie Meyers) but you will have a sense of accomplishment and pride that will flourish for your written gems. And the best thing is, you’ll keep 100% of your rights 100% of the time and you will have control over your book 100% of the time! They offer insanely great discounts to buy multiple copies of your own book as well (so you can sell them at full price wherever you go/travel)!!! The neat thing is, your book will get its own page on the Blurb website so people can buy your book, and you will also be able to create discounts for holidays and stuff (if you want). I have researched MANY self-publishing sites, and this one is among the best. I published with Xlibris over a decade ago, but had I known of Blurb, I would have published with them. In fact, when the time comes for me to do book number two, I will be using Blurb. It’s not about fame or money, it’s about securing a spot for your writings for when you are long gone. IT IS YOUR LEGACY. In two hundred years, people aren’t going to care if you self-published, and who knows, it may be your poetry that they are studying in schools in the future. Just a reminder that Edgar Allan Poe died broke and unknown, he did not become famous until after his death. Sadly this is the life of most poets. BUT, YOU ARE STILL WORTHY OF YOUR OWN BOOK. IT’S NOT EXPENSIVE TO DO THROUGH BLURB!!! If you’ve ever considered publishing, go explore the website. I know there’s a growing trend of bloggers creating their own publishing company and other bloggers submitting works, BUT there is another route. Stand out from the crowd, by offering your own book. I just wanted to share the know. Personally, I don’t like giving over my rights to my own writings to anyone (especially to just another blogger, I don’t care if they are God). Nuff said. Let me know if you decide to publish, drop your book link here when you do. I am not associated or affiliated with Blurb in any way, I am just sharing the know. Knowledge is power, I thirst for it.

WOOT WOOT NOW GO MAKE YOUR OWN BOOK! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!!! 😄

Also, since I have published a book, I do know a little bit about self-publishing so… this book is expensive, I know. It’s a coffee table book and it’s full color, with front and back cover. I don’t expect you to buy it. When I make book number 2, it’s going to be small and black and white. Hence cheaper. But if you want something fancy for your coffee tables, I recommend the hardback it’s gorgeous. You can find my softback on Amazon for a bit cheaper (especially if you catch a sale). I took my book off the market but decided to make it available again in 2017 (hence the 2017 date, that’s not actually when I published it originally). Anyway, if you have any questions about self-publishing, I’m your gal. I know a few tidbits. 😃

Blurb: http://www.blurb.com

Perfection

If perfection did exist, it is the shape of his lips
It is the worlds flowing from his fingertips
It is his absence then full eclipse
It is his compassion for hardships

If perfection were a thing, it is the way that he can sing
It is the poems that he can string
It is his darkness with a spring
It is his breath under my wing

If perfection were in my hand
My love he would command
He would be the promised land
And it would be where you stand

© Delia Ross. 2019

Light-years of Love

Every inch of him is a galaxy unexplored
And every day he is more adored

I want to drive my tongue over
His peaks and valleys and lows
Let’s explore another language that nobody knows

His mind is a multi-verse
I need to immerse (and for better not worse)

His tongue spans light-years
Where I wanna disappear
His words blow me out of here

His hands are mountains I long to climb
Forever and through the ends of time

He is all the energy of a massive sun
And for him I do burn

He is the seed, he is the soil
He makes my blood boil

© Delia Ross. 2019


My desire and longing spans the ends of space and even that reach does not quantify my love for him. Which, is why space is infinite, oddly. Coincidence? Nope. Science and love are hard to comprehend at times, and that is where faith comes in. Sometimes, you just gotta believe… ❤

In Bloom

But then one day the tide returned with his love
The sun rose
The birds sang
The flowers bloomed
The leaves danced
All was anew

© Delia Ross. 2019


I can feel the blood flowing through my veins again…

If you like my writing, please consider subscribing to my new Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal/

I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal

Listen to me free on my radio channel at Tuners Radiohere: https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

Woven

I can feel you wherever you are
Light and dark matter woven into my soul
Spiraling through the fabric of all that we know
And travelling through the spaces we’ve still yet to go
And the distance to our star isn’t that far (just look to your heart)

© Delia Ross. 2019


I want to stargaze him, let me camp under his heart and look to his blue skies and cast wishes on his lips for all eternal…

Noose

Just tie the noose around my neck and finish what you started
Just sharpen up the blade and kill the broken hearted
Just take me back to my mistake where we both have parted
Just give me one more chance to see that you’re not heartless

Just give me the rules and regulations neatly worded
Just tell me that the ruling is now another verdict
Just tell me that my presence is not for you a burden
Just please don’t give your love to another person

© Delia Ross. 2019


This is what purgatory feels like I’m certain. If my soul isn’t burning from flames of desire for him, then it’s burning from the shames of despair and longing. I can’t stop crying though and that’s how the ocean got here… (so there may be another poem coming).

I’m sorry I haven’t been active on your blogs, it takes energy, and I’m not wanting to talk to anyone, I’m isolating myself again and I don’t like to do things half-hearted, so when I get back on your blogs, I’ll be sure to catch up on the poems I have missed rather than go in without a full head and heart. I’m sorry but I’m a soldier and communication isn’t always easy for me and I have a hardened shell and come off more stern than I mean to be. It’s a defense mechanism, I’m really sweet and kind in person. Unless I’m hungry, then feed me. But I am frequently stepping on toes and pushing boundaries even if I’m trying to behave. I don’t fit in with the world. I never have. We’re the same, but we’re not. I’m from a different planet completely. I actually APPLIED to go live on another planet, and I became a CANDIDATE, and that might not sound like a big deal but for a nerd like me it makes my panties wet. SO, if I can survive the humiliation of my existence, I’ll try and do a post on that soon. I’m a busy gal.

Unrequited Love on Tuners

I dropped a thread on Tuners Radio under my pen PoeEternal about unrequited love + a short original poetry reading on Tuners, have a listen now (free app to listen and use): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

So I’ve committed to using Tuners more, as I said before recently in a blog post. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a great app to use, and you don’t even have to download anything to listen/tune in. 👍

*UPDATE* Jena Malone left a beautiful reply today, she is a queen (I’m certain you’ve seen her in a movie even if you’re not aware you saw her in a movie).

I currently have this running in my Insta story cuz it’s hella cool but you can listen free on Tuners 🙂 https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

My Survivor CBS Casting Call/Auditions

How many of you would watch Survivor CBS if I got cast on it? It’s a possible “what if” cuz I’m actively auditioning for it. ALOT. 3 auditions in 1 year with a 4th incoming! I keep blowing my auditions & casting calls, I gotta ace this 4th attempt!! But, the very first rule of Survivor is never give up! And I ain’t! I am more determined than ever to get on and show these players how this game needs to be played!!! It’s THE BEST GAME ON EARTH. GET ME ON THE SHOW, PLEASE RECRUIT ME SURVIVOR CBS!

I can’t tell you how badly I want to play this game…yes I can, I can go on and on and on cuz, GOALS. (It’s not about fame, that isn’t my objective. I want to be SOUL SURVIVOR and go home with that million-dollar prize). It is the number 1 show still on CBS, but the best game ever and I am a huge gamer). I really get into gameplay. 🙂

I went to a Survivor casting call this year. Plus submitted TWO video auditions. I have terrible stage fright and keep blowing them. Getting ready for a 4th audition, wish me luck!!!
Myself and Dan from Season 37 at the Survivor auditions April (2019). They actually said I’d be perfect for the show. 😆
Self with 3 Survivor players and Zeke (far right) was auditioning like me. Zeke and I have stayed in contact! He lives near me. 😊
I waited hours to get my 60 seconds and I blew it. I forgot everything I was supposed to say and didn’t use my full 60 Seconds. Stage fright ugggggg!!!!!
Finally, my turn next after hours of waiting in line. I nearly peed myself.
These are all from my Instagram and you can revisit my stories & wall, I have a SURVIVOR story tab and a few post on my wall. With better shots.
This is how I’ve escaped the “you can only apply to Survivor one time a year” rule. Survivor CBS will lift it. And that’s pretty much what’s going on now so I can get a fourth audition in. My first time applying was Halloween of 2018 so technically it’s been 1 year now. My casting call was in April. And I will drive to another casting call as well if they have one nearby. GETTING ON THIS SHOW
That’s what Dan was saying to me as he was filming me filming him HAHA. He’s hot stuffs, you should go check out his Instagram.
I was in Jessica Peet’s story, she was a castaway on Survivor!!! She also said I would be great for the show.
Dan!
Y’all have no idea how hard it is for me to socialize, but that’s part of the great challenge of playing Survivor, it’s not about being the strongest player and winning all the challenges because if the players won’t vote for you in the end you won’t be a soul survivor, it’s just as much a social game, as it is physical. But, I’m facing my fears and reaching for the stars and planets.
MY TURN TO AUDITION FOR SURVIVOR CBS, SMILE!!! I drove I think for an hour to get to the casting call and I got there really early in the morning and the line was already extremely long and I made it on the news as well! LOL That’s the third time I’ve made the news in my life. Albeit, this time more brief.
People find love on Survivor y’all. LOVE. GET ME ON THE SHOW!
I went live at the casting call LOL
Survivor players plus myself at the casting call

So what I’ve learned is, it’s not that I’m not good enough to be on the show, it’s just I’m not exactly what they need for that particular season yet. You have to keep auditioning because you might be exactly what they need for an upcoming season. So, I nearly gave up and lost hope but the first rule of Survivor is never give up! 😆

Follow me on my socials if you wanna see more of what I’m up to. I’ve mostly kept my blog about my writing. I’m more transparent on my Twitter and Insta (@POEETERNAL).

So, I hope you enjoyed these behind-the-scene photos of my life. ☺

Trixter

He offered me the sky, said it would be no problem to buy, if I wanted it
He flashed diamonds in my eye, that should easily satisfy, said I have credit
Replace that hardened cry, with a fresh necktie, I’ve got the perfect fit
I looked the devil in the eye, I said you trixter of a guy, as the blood left my wrist

© Delia Ross. 2019


Suicide awareness everyday. I’m on the guestlist to see Peter Hook in Atlanta this month, I’ve waited all year for this. My only REGRET in life would be not hearing this live. Why is this related? Well, the lead singer/songwriter of a band I dig died by suicide, Ian Curtis. When that happened, Joy Division became New Order and NO is a favorite band. Hooky was the co-founder of both bands. I dance alot to New Order. ALOT.

Ian Curtis – suicide
Mina Tepes – suicide
Kurt Cobain – suicide
Judas Iscariot – suicide
Etika – suicide
Robin Williams – suicide
Archias of Cyprus – suicide
Hunter S Thompson – suicide
Diaeus – suicide
Sylvia Plath – suicide
Cleopatra – suicide
Alexander McQueen – suicide
Marilyn Monroe – suicide
Chris Cornell – suicide
Ernest Hemingway – suicide
Michael Hutchence – suicide

Me with the leader of the goth revolution, Peter Hook, last year in Orlando, I was on the guestlist. Don’t know if I’ll get to meet him this time, but I can’t wait to hear the songs, some of my favorite will be played this time, and Hooky is my favorite bass player! This was taken on a crappy cellphone after hours of dancing/sweating, care nots! It’s actually a fun story, I didn’t realize it was actually Hooky smoking inside the building under the “no smoking” sign, when I asked to come down to that particular area and he invited me down that way three times. I dropped my purse in the middle of the backstage hall when I realized it was Hooky and followed him out the door leaving my purse and pass on the floor! About 10 minutes later the manager of the venue brought it to me as I was still outside shook from having just met Hooky. I was like OMFG THANK YOU cuz I was mingling with the rest of the band and talking to others so it still wasn’t on my mind that my purse was in the middle of the hall backstage floor. Gig life. The entire story is longer. 😂
I was guestlisted for Peter Hook & The Light, Orlando, Florida 2018
My favorite place to be, front row of a favorite band (Peter Hook, New Order / Joy Division 2018, crappy cellphone photo by me)

Dreamland

What islands must we breach, in a faraway dreamland, where the habits we keep, are safely out of reach, and the love we share, is a language we can finally comprehend?

What mystical gardens must we sow, where joy and hope is the grain that we grow, and your hand is the vine, connected to the very root of my soul?

What maps must we hunt, what fear do we uncover, that leads me to the forest where you are my lover?

What secrets do we bury, so your mask is less heavy, and my shadow will feel more like a friend not in a hurry?

What ship must I sail, on what troubles do we travail, will you follow me out of hell, can you live to tell our tale (what if I fail)?

What skin must we shed, what sorrow do we part, show me through the doors, that will lead to your heart, past the halls of the longing, through the deeds where we get our first start?

© Delia Ross. 2019

I need him so much it actually hurts…

Saddest girl in the world.. (Self-portrait)

Top 10 Halloween music playlist

Top 10 of my Halloween playlist

  • Ministry – Everyday is Halloween (The Godfather of industrial)
  • Type O Negative – All Hallows Eve (The drab four, a fav)
  • Type O Negative – Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-all)
  • Type O Negative – Christian Woman (theme song to my life)
  • Skinny Puppy – Worlock (in my top 10 fav songs ever)
  • Nine Inch Nails – Copy of a (Reznor owns me)
  • Nine Inch Nails – Came Back Haunted (thank fuck & when NIN returned, I was there. Have seen NIN live a few times since a teen, asked Trent to marry me once on his website, he was flattered, I was like sixteen)
  • Type O Negative – Wolfmoon (What? You can’t have Halloween without TON. Besides, this is a story about a guy going down on a girl when she’s on her period during a full moon and he turns into a fucking werewolf, you can’t get any better than that). SANGUINE ADDICTION
  • Zeromancer – Something For The Pain (eargasm)
  • The Cure – Maybe Someday (Bloodflowers, this album, changed my life)

92 Million Miles Away

Trying to reach him is like trying to reach a star
92 million miles away but still close enough to scar
The further the tether, the closer we are
But when it comes to his love I never reach far

The Sun never sleeps but he is missing from the night
Yet there are days when it’s best he’s out of sight
The Moon has phases where she hides from his light
But when they are united, heaven shines so bright

© Delia Ross. 2019

Eclipse of my heart…