He was something beautiful A storm surge Rushing through oblivion At the throne of dutiful No question he loved her
Dust forms in the cracks of your soul Exit gates where my pity can tiptoe
Try to disappear wearing red Got the killer on a bloodshed Going for the gold Glowing above my halo
He’s breathing lead Like he’s the second planet from the sun You better run
But I’ll be hiding in light I’m right in sight The guns and the knives
It’s familiarity Hiding twice as fast as speed Is he looking at me
Lying underneath the rubble Exactly where he’s slugging Disappointment ain’t subtle
The way your stillness blinds me Turns me into butter Like looking in the sun
So I escape instead Of dying in the gutter In the lattice of the young
Last time I was caring? Red herring When’s a time you never lied? HaHa you tried
I’ve been sleeping with an attitude I’ve been sleeping like you asked me to Sometimes it really comes to choice Like what else am I supposed to do?
Grossly corrupt How they grew up
Got us hanging from the line And my ears are ringing From your screaming “You gotta cut it this time” The world below spinning My head killing But I’ll need a minute To process this ending
You’re waning gibbous Saying death could be the best of us
I seek a future different the past. What right ascension and declination have you seen one at?
I never really learned to tie a knot It’s not my luck I never learned to love a lot
Can’t get a leg up Probably miss him too much Text him when I’m not drunk
Like when I give him secrets Can’t trust he won’t keep them Wrap em up beneath him
Bran scan shows I’m dumb But I don’t know how come Unlike this chair I built With all his lies I’ve dealt
I’ve got a single bullet Don’t know where I should put it Maybe under the Mistletoe Right where the axes go
Have you succumbed Down in the mire Took you how long Cutting through the liar
There are hills I have climbed There are mountains where I’ve died I’m still lingering on the hillside There are trails where the blood dried
Your stats are booming! But it doesn’t mean I’m looming Come school me Don’t fool me
I had the worst diet Lived on his lies like it was the Hyatt His love was a riot Never peace Just wanted quiet
What am I doing holding onto these ashes? Counting midnight stashes? Wondering how long life is? Cuts like a knife when Life ends Just like yours did Where does mine begin?
The same way they think they’re game is worth waiting for They’re a fucking bore Matchmaking locked But I got a glock
I didn’t want to give another update; another reason why I am late. An outtake: for fuck sake
My favorite part of the journey is the rest Think I like it best Some call me lazy Cuz I like to nest?
Of course we would meet through the ether I’m not pure either Heaven I would not enter Just sitting here in purgatory Like a bedtime story
My love is buried in a cave Degrading Am I worth saving?
Dear Follower, I know you followed Through endless hollow Look all the years and roads we travelled Bickered laughed falling on some gravel
The places we will go You know I miss you so?
Met you at my lowest like an interlude of course it wasn’t the devil but God true and true even if you were just a man he looks just like you?
Do you think God could create a love that goes on forever? Do you think the universe is a love letter? Cuz I’ve got memories as distant as stars But not where you are Like living in a waking dream You are there in the corner of my seams WALKING WITH ME
We’re neurodivergent We spin like it’s urgent Spinning faster than the earth is Some say we’re imperfect
Error Like an arrow Straight to the center gravity Of my failure
Still I’m getting better Miscalculating data Just like the AI Counting only matter
I don’t know what I’m holding on to Will I disappear after all I’ve been through If I let her go, will I be new?
I don’t know what I’m doing here When I want to roam the streets dear But my shadow’s bringing fear
I don’t know why I’m circling Nothing I do ever stops the hurtin’ There’s just avenues of me
Burial piece cuz single never married (i think it’s real crystal cuz it’s imperfect yah?) but also the energy – the light reflecting – the weight and things (new crystal head piece) (will things catch fire if i go out in the sun – i mean that could make for a good vampire short) (and yes people do catch their houses and cars on fire over 1 tiny crystal – how many does this hold) – new superpowers uncontrolled – prob why im grinning – i could be the most hideous beast but not my headpiece) (he gonna wanna marry me)
They pass out medical diagnosis like it’s a weather forecast; “You’re 6 degrees from dying but there’s sunshine at last”…
Precognition
I said, you’re perfect Nothing would be worth it That’s the verdict
(I’ll never date or acknowledge another ten) (not even gonna look their way) (oof TOUCHE BROTHER)
RUST IN HELL
Like if a ten ever asked me out for anything I’d be like: WHAT. NO. You’re more than a ten.
I’d simply walk away.
And if he persisted I’d just demand loudly: I DON’T WANNA BE YER FLESHLIGHT
Yeah no NOT REAL – DENOUNCED – took me a whole science degree and 40 plus years WOOHOO – I AWOKE
Like standing up for yourself While backing into a wall It’s no fun at all But you will prob hear me laugh As I’m picking up my step Crying down the hall
I dunno if I’m clumsy or if it’s almost a full moon
Two things can be true at once
I get upset I don’t spend more time talking to the stars
That shit won’t even be twinkling til I ask it something specific: “did you miss me, two for yes, one for no” and I’ll be blessed it’ll blink twice
HA! knew knew
Our love is instant – no distance between the two
The sun is local
Flat earth: not confirmed
(I know things b4 they happen)
I pick up the signal before the signal arrives
DO U WANT MORE LINES?
(Im still under a treatment plan, not in remission, got tired of the constant penalties trying to game or socialize)
You don’t want me writing on *insert CGP* yet
Better let me feed the squirrels
And stop cutting down the trees
You already ran off Owl or killed him one
Im on final edge
THERE’S NO MORE WARNINGS
I’ll attempt to post some of my DBD gaming maybe – just to show you how pissed off I really am – either go all in on the killer hardcore pallet stun blind after blind or i never move
I go in without an offering item or perk
I don’t lurk
It’s either “go ahead and get yer 4k or there’s no stopping me and i’ll even get the hard save”
I was laughing SO HARD when I kept getting STUN AFTER STUN and kept shaking my head NO but the killer was heated – and I was so calm – Im learning to control my moods thru the game lmao
Get the killer all worked up and I aint even breaking a sweat
Eh sometimes I feel bad and just let them have me cuz damn i be mean
But what’s even more fun is the killer only saving me
Ive tried to die and they’re like “nah you can have hatch”
“Im suicidal too”
Sweet. Happy Halloween boo.
Squirrel enjoying the fresh food n water from the rabbit carrot ceramic bowls
I uninstalled the game. AGAIN.
And I don’t doomscrool
The one app I was left on kept punishing me after I spent loads of money feeding the enemy
Im not supporting other creators when I cant do the same (without penalty)
Im tired of appealing?
I really wanna update my blog?
I have goals but then again Im bed rotting
I was at physical therapy yesterday
“Im not ready for a walker”
But you need to get use to seeing me with a walking stick
I imagine the distance that keeps us – and why heaven can’t reach us – because space isn’t just silent – it’s speechless
Maybe your name is Apophis. We’re both lost in the abyss.
THAT’S NOT WHAT I ASKED
According to Saint Peter Steele:
“April 2-0-2-9 the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour – in fact – is quite here” (-)
(Could you pick your speed up on writing lines, even if I’m not on time, I never learned to set a clock, I never even hear a chime, it’s almost like it is a crime, but I can do a run-on, I think it has been too long, but I don’t have timer in the kitchen to help me not burn this song)
He reminds me of you. But aren’t your eyes blue? Like an angel from the sky, make me fall down and sigh. Know you saw me coming too…
Or maybe your the Jester, I’m just a guesser
Do you know how to measure luminosity? What about the loss of me?
(I really just wanted to share the first 4 lines – I’ll play catchup another day)
It’ll be easier to snap photos of my messy writings
It’s just freestyle
It’s not messy messy
It’s just – the urge – to write in cursive
With curses
Found out who you really were / didn’t make a difference cuz / you were meant for her \
You go from sunshine to icy winds The road less travelled is the road we’ve been You go from shadow to now we’re friends? I guess we’re ghosting again?
Are you paying for your sins Cuz it’s all black and white where we live Like looking at the the sky We go places planes won’t fly
Have you sat in a room with your biggest enemy? Did you have a chance to dine with me?
Where do you go when you plan to leave? Will you appear in another galaxy?
Cuz’ I don’t need a crystal ball To see the sacrifices crawl Or flowing down the river bank “It’ll never flood again you think”
Have you calculated costs? Is it buried under mud and frost? Or a thousand-hundred years Like losing lives on lies
Cuz you ain’t never shared your bread with me You ain’t never been to bed with me (But I know you would’ve bled with me)
Cuz shedding sin is like shedding ghosts? But it’s cold outside, so you’ll need your coats
I know you got an alibi I’ve been driving 80 Flooring 100 lately Just to hear your lie
Time is platinum Unlike for Juliana Sacrificed no honor Locals cheering “she’s a goner”
But I don’t know who wins this When every policy’s unfit Unclear is your last text sent Since you swore there were no fears
I saw you trembling on the mountain dear And how they took their time on getting near But I know they had “a lot of gear” An ulterior motive to carry up as well
“I’m not afraid” God is unfazed But they will pay when they return to hell
There’s a serial killer on the loose Roaming places you once knew SAID YOU HATE IT TOO Blackouts in Spain Signals lost in Europe Doc says I’m insane Your image Burns like sunrays Might forget your name But not today
I’m switching squads Never tell me the odds
GOT IN TROUBLE FOR COLORING!
And watering my plants
Prob gonna buy. I can barely walk. But one can dream and waste money simultaneously..
Want another poem?
Oh you want me to open it? I gotta read it for you too? *rolls eyes*
You ask me what I think? Relax and let the ship sink. The fridge is empty. That’s why we’re sinking?
One day I know you will write Until then You keep on counting when The sun will turn grey Like my head will one day?
In between the heartache The constant tug-of-war The daily battles And crying on the floor The thinning hair and desires And hours wanting more There was so much love Worth fighting for
6000 years of nihilism but there’s gonna be hell to pay
He went through all the emotions at once Psychosis Like distant chanting There were no monks Yet heard voices calling He locked death in trunks
Hey, Where are you? I’m locked out of my account. Like being locked out of the house. But there’s no yard about.
There’s a stench Coming from below Where the landlord resides Could be a dead body Could be anybody Decisions don’t decide
I like when the killer walks me to the exit gate / cuz I’m his favorite / the one he’ll never hate
He called Said time isn’t linear I bawled Lips confessed he was a sinner
We were standing in a blast zone I knew we didn’t have too long
I asked, who ripped the soul from this place? Like he was looking at heaven’s grace (can’t take his eyes from my face)
Couldn’t tell you I’m better or worse Wouldn’t tell you I might need a hearse
He’s double worried. Again worried. So make that a triple.
I picked up a lot of details.
5 men. Drones. Rooms with blue lights. Cancer. Cops. Mexico. An apartment. Girls who disappear.
But my house is trapped with a single blade of worry.
…. the kind of love letters i receive (thought i’d share a tidbit cuz i don’t kiss and tell) (the entire things reads like a horror film – but he’s worried for me – really really worried). This is how I hyphen unless it’s a sugar-free word. I dunno. I’m not changing now.
I’m not sharing the rest of the DM, not even with the FBI. It does read a whole lot better than this whole blog post but I think there might be at least three lines in this blog post that were worth reading plus you got a new photo!?!
Okay BYEEEE
(And the Army trained me to take on more than 5 guys. So did my skinhead boyfriend. It was a long time ago and I was dumb. But I remember his best friend was named after a black guy and I said that must suck. Because he was a racist, but his name was Jesse Williams or something
I’m not racist. I hate everybody but listen they were OK. They were fucking racist but the irony was the white dude was named after a black person so I just thought that was interesting cause I was 15 years old so don’t take it out on me OK because I made fun of him for being racist AnyWho.
I’m done correcting the AI for free
He also likes to change the word nihilism to nationalism and I would block him as quickly as you can say gross – but they think they can force electronics on me and I’m about to go AWOL I’m fucking dying anyway like I literally fell out of my bed and now I’m back to barely being able to walk again even though it’s not because I fell out of my bed. I just don’t know what the fuck is going on
I can’t walk. I’m gonna get some running shoes, seems practical. 
Why aren’t you here to carry me?
I don’t need anyone to euthanize me. I can do that myself.
I MADE SURE I WAS SET UP JUST IN CASE
Of a break in
Or breakdown
Planning ahead
I mean, not planning
Uhm
It’s JUST IN CASE
I forget your birthday or something
39?
40?
I went six months thinking I was older than I am so leave me the fuck alone
(It’s a figure of speech)
😭
I’m just being proactive?
At least it’s updated With blood-stained carpet There’s an old dusty fan Spinning right over your bed
The only noises are the planes overhead Chimes with random messages Claim drones instead Said there’s a wall Full of something sinister Pictures lined with pictures Killer stalking killer Who then will acquit her Like he’s a protector Said they work in teams of 5 Things that made him quiver Clues, worries, blessings, confessions A messenger with lessons?
I’ve got a mountain of sorrow We could meet
You could sign a lease Or you could borrow Free next week or tomorrow?
Your lines Equipped to mine Fly faster than earth’s rotation Despite hesitation
Each time a soul is born the sun loses mass I know my math
Impermanence Like walking into a fog that swallows all clarity I am this Slowly etching fists The ground broke the dissent
Message received Like a spear in side Am I deceived You’re a ghost or guide Above or underneath I can’t decide
I received An ominous message by you Like walking on eggshells I gotta break them first too Otherwise, what do we do?
I scream But now my silence is the loudest in the room Like fingers mimic shadowwork Deep inside I guess he knows my worth
Now cops and drones And smoke and darkness Won’t cover my bones I stand tall alone
In my restless dreams Nestled in between What happens if you slip and fall What happens if the rope breaks When you’re crossing frozen lakes Bridges iced from all we take Just one more wake…
Stop laying on the floor Covered in your own blood Guess the gun didn’t jam Get up, give a damn
Maybe stick around The way I haunt you Eons not enough to
So what? we’re dying You gotta push through
Nine seven three Who the fuck keeps counting Get up off the ground
Or take an intermission Put a tourniquet on what is missing Oh honey I am listening
He’s not happy where he’s at I can see it in his frown Want to wear it like a hat Wash it over me Drown in the aftermath
I do judge Like a great reckoning I carry grudge
ALL LINES RHYMES AND CRIMES WRITTEN BY ME (minus the ominous message)
(More of the ominous love letter warning) (or scam) (or story)
The power really is out in all of Europe and there potentially is a serial killer loose in New England or thereabout
There’s this one guy who answers me immediately if I leave him a comment under any of his videos on his TikTok but if I say hi to him in his live stream, it’s like I don’t exist
so I unfollowed him and followed him back because I have the worst etiquette in this hell hole
Also I think some guys get mad when they see that I’m writing boys in prison!?!?
But it wasn’t a loveletter
It was a poem about black holes and hell
As if I needed to remind him that time is forever
And I ain’t even mailed it
I literally get in trouble for fucking coloring on my live stream and I’m covered up and fuck you. I have to see men all over TikTok, barely wearing anything.
I hope more of you drive off a bridge
I think “fuck you” sounds nicer
You stayed? Goodnight. All my clothes are dirty, and the landlord has not given me the free washer and dryer that he promised me which means I probably need to invest in one which is another fucking expense
p.s. today i learned (which was yesterday) that 30% of firefighters are prisoners making $10 a day & they can’t use the job as a reference when they get out – or be hired officially as one (cuz criminal).
now this is speculation (this part) but they musta put all the officially trained firefighters at the Getty museum and left the prisoners to sort the mansions in the valley
some of them might be going through an awakening right now
they know you worship them so will ask for handouts
the majority fled to another safe house
meanwhile NC TN & HA have had their land stolen by the government
there’s a few mansions in the hills that stood
they have hope
im just waiting on the “evicted” portion due to toxic land and water like they did for the commoners
i wouldn’t want to be under that but you insisted to put out that tiny flame
mansions are burning to the ground love
ha ha ha
ha ha!
herrrrrr!
errrrr
😐
how does that REM song go again?
i feel fine?
p.s.s.s.s.stimesinfinitys.s.s.s(9)[9]: i miss your poems and stories not written about me x2
🙂
i love squirrel and i love you 🙂
but not the staff 🙂
I NEED A BIGGER SMILEY FACE
and can you tell the dark haired neighbor he can come out his home
i ain’t no criminal lol
i ain’t no bum
i’m just LOST IN PURGATORY AND ON THE MOVE AGAIN
i hate it here and it’s not cuz of him!
i hope he ate the candy! i’m still eating on mine!
tell the cancer FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU
so u gave it most away to someone who could handle the treats better
they cost a lot
i hope they were ate
halloween is a favorite season and NOT ONE PERSON CAME TO TRICK OR TREAT
wah
LAME LAME LAME
i want to live in a neighborhood and give out BIG TREATS and water bottles
I DID!
but boomers be scared of worldwide candies?
whereas the other gens enjoy treats from other countries
it’s not like they worry about what is put in american food! it aint food! it aint real chocolate or cheese!
i like to shop in the international aisle
i lived in Germany nearly 3 years (minus a war)
DO U KNOW HOW OLD I AM
HOW LETHAL
but i aint your enemy nor the candy
im sorry i was cold to you
walmart was trying to kill me
THERE ARE ZERO RECALLS AT PUBLIX FYI
im trying to find land2buy
please say hi 😦
before you move 😦
before i move 😦
NO ILL WILL
from now on only poetry in the form of commentary
m’kay
remember when i wore makeup and dresses and performed spoken word not read from a device? remember when i shared behind-the-scenes of forgetting lines?
remember when i had long hair and i stopped using filters?
what happens when there are no more lines, hair, or teeth?
will you still love me?
look at all the centuries we crossed to ghost one another again?
i love you but i dont love the staff
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR (JUST DEPENDS ON WHICH ONE)
IT AIN’T YER BRO YO
*giggles*
where is that pdf file i castrated into the void?
he ain’t texted me back since i blocked him for calling me “gross” for being on my period again
WRONG ANSWER
PIZZA NOW
but please im trying to become vegan so i only eat chicken
time races in intervals you’re into her it burns like midnight sun my lesson learned
did you know we live in purgatory on a map i think i found your worry and i list it first your secrets buried but i’ve forgotten where i put your story
like drowning in a carpark where all the lights are flashing but it’s stark and we’re looking for an exit as future ghost we’re feeling desperate
the ole blog has over 100,000 miles on her, thanks to you…
i know i can’t take your words to heaven with me but i would try…
i still can’t get over how John Jones died or how his question nearly made me solve first world problems – or at least connect the two
but i still live between worlds where his soul leaped into mine
(but at least you don’t get mad about it)
my dad let a tree grow through his tour bus
i want to hang onto my ride in such a way
today i drove her to Dread Boys and they quoted me nearly 500 to replace a battery?
so i got right back in and said “welp please get me back home…”
and she fucking did…
and i guess im either going to an auto zone or learning to install a new battery myself?
not to mention the guy running the front desk took a bathroom break in the middle of a transaction? and it sounded disgusting so ill never return
the mobile mechanic i called isnt very mobile currently – i dunno how i feel about paying for his cab..
at least the postscript is somewhat interesting?
i keep thinking i need to get the fuck outta florida – then i remember bama is 45 minutes away – and like it feels a lot like hope on the horizon
it feels so near i could walk
bike
run
i just keep telling my girl to hold on
no one can be trusted
kinda housebound til i sort the sorts
i aint paying $500 to replace a battery
the Boomers can get FOOKED
need some land
need to figure out where i want to be
it aint here…
i drank coffee
CHATTY
and jittery
i dont think that is good for my heart
like it triggers my anxiety?
i mean i just act more nervous than usual
tachycardia
adrenaline spikes
so prob gotta give it up
the coffee…
better not to ask me out on a first date over coffee
fucking disaster
and i love coffee!!!!!
people are mad that trump won and are threatening violence
i did not vote – therefore i have no opinion over politics for the foreseeable future as i am exiting the matrix – kinda lost – but this is what PROTESTING A SYSTEM I DO NOT COMPLY WITH LOOKS LIKE
go change some more policies to support your nihilism and leave me alone m’kay
there were 33 million who opted to NOT VOTE for the antichrist
i thought i was the only one
but there’s a whole lot of us out there
wonder how many are gen x
you know of one
*hi*
i tried joining the Army to make a difference
i tried getting an education
i tried being a medic
i tried on society and never have once liked it
im never voting again
EVER. AGAIN.
i literally fought for freedom of speech and it was taken from me
and you want me to vote? go back to sleep…
(people in the system fighting for the system)
(but i want out)
(i wont participate)
(i dont wanna support anything in society)
(society is satanic)
(im going thru a spiritual cleansing)
(please dont exterminate me like you did p’nut & fred)
(and the squirrel out here i never found his head)
ripped off and not even a trail of blood
just his body
i have nightmares and ptsd
it is why i deleted my wildlife page
not risking Ali or any others getting hurt simply because they make me happy and demons live out here
have u seen the film Constantine?
top 5 fav for sure
i mean it once was
the me in this timeline which i jumped into during a lightning storm going 80 miles an hour…
she ain’t me but she is but she ain’t
not sure how im able to switch roles as myself but if the multiverse is real and we never really die
or we create our own reality
im not sure why i would wanna come back here
but there were thousands of hands of radiation and one of them touched me
it was so loud the entire town shook from the thunder
i love her because the mountains are fair and deserving she is lethal but she will not hurt me like falling for gravity then question why it’s not working why won’t the earth unearth me?
he’s a beautiful creation i hope you protect him with all of heaven like the ocean is waving his energy is saving
i saw him and i went into fawn mode. i just stood there starring – unable to look away? so he waved but went the other way?
but he waved, he acknowledged my existence?
he did not break his neck to look away?
the doctor mentioned the C word yesterday
she wants more testing
but i am D-O-N-E with modern medicine
i have chosen the holistic route
OK?
medical malpractice is common
just ask all my dead comrades – oh wait
even i don’t talk to the dead (much)
im 50 kilos
she’s like “what did you weigh when you came to me”
im like “130ish”
she said “20 pounds in a year is not good”
hard to explain to a gaslighting demon that i am starving the cancer devil out of me
i stopped telling doctors anything
“the pills aren’t working, i don’t have a gun” (not necessarily in that order)
i mean, none of your business?
and really the “no i don’t have anything to hurt me” is kinda true
my safety items are for my protection, not yours (insert silly emoji with tongue out)
it’s why i leave my house again
except… i don’t go anywhere
cause and effect my love
have fun
i can’t take my eyes off of you
she was so happy i got a table for my sunroom
she said a “tea table” and i said yes
she said i want to come visit you
and my response made it seem like i wanted to put her to work
i gotta work on my communication
i remember yelling at Gavin Rosssale (of the band Bush) – who i drove several hours to go see – who stopped instantly signing autographs and taking pictures with others AS SOON AS he heard me CALLING HIS NAME
and he came and i yelled “do you even know who the fuck i am” and his eyes went big and my eyes went big and my mouth slightly fell open cuz i meant to nicely and sweetly say “do you remember me” but alas he did tweet me “it was great to see me” THE NEXT MORNING
i deleted my twitter tho (not the next morning)
(i remember when i quit facebook because trent reznor did)
(i remember the feeling when Trent approved me into his 5k friends list and i never needed to ask)
it only took him 6 months to approve cuz he was off making babies? but he knew my name from the old NIN message boards, where he use to roam, and i asked him to marry me when i was 16
HE DID NOT SAY NO
he was flattered and answered my actual musical questions
i just needed to know if he would marry me first
i remember when he returned to facebook but not really so i did too
NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH TRENT REZNOR
YES I COULD POTENTIALLY CRY IF I EVER MET HIM
NO I DO NOT WORSHIP ANY FALSE IDOLS OR GODS
he has YELLOW FEVER AND I ALMOST HATE HIM
plus i am GEN X – the most dangy genny yep
you fucked up when you took my voice and now you wanna take my guns
YOU THINKTHAT IS AIR YOU ARE BREATHING NOW
she wants to come here, i want to go there (in my best Beetljuice voice)
“i want out, you wanna get me out”
yes i do
(just in case you are confused, i kinda fell for my neighbor who probably would fall for my best friend)
neither one of them are obsolete
i am overcoming the worst migraine
THE DEVIL CAN GET FUCKED
i have not been doing much of anything but trying to not die
i never wanted to push you out into the current but you would yell, it’s what you warrant and you held my hand as i pushed you towards the torrent you would say “love’s not important”
i hope your ashes are burning. like a viking in the sky. down here i am rarely learning. like i’ve lost my mind.
I absolutely do have a learning disability.
Then it’s like my IQ can only go so far until you arrive at a secure door without a door knob
like those server rooms
where they spy on us and control time
none of this is real
“there is no spoon”
because they’re trying to condition us to believe in the Multiverse theory so that they can further segregate you from God and make you feel like you don’t have any kind of worth or value because they’re fucking nihilist at their fucking core and they believe in anything dark and that’s what they fucking serve like dark holes, dark galaxies, dark suns, dark matter, SHIT YOU CANNOT SEE, nor measure, “we just know” – cuz they are a cult of godless psychopaths who love love love children and making them believe early on – we are born in theta – that God does not exist – that he himself is a god – but an artificial intelligence
“computers feel things”
that way you can love your precious young AI like the pedophiles you are
you would rather imprint and love a fucking computer
this entire society is one nihilistic web
“God isn’t real” you demand as you force your dark void propaganda on me
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME
STAY OUT OF MY FAITH YOU FUCKING SOULESS MONSTER
I’LL BITE YER DICK OFF NO REMORSE
FEED IT TO SHARKY WHILE I AM DISASSOCIATING
ARE THESE WHAT FANTASIES ARE MEANT TO LOOK LIKE
I don’t know what’s going on out there because I have stayed off anybody’s blog that I do not follow or where I feel unwanted?
You must be settled nicely on your throne? But you couldn’t leave well enough alone?
Have you calmed down from the torrential storms you bring i was a child dancing near your flowing spring i am innocence and pain chaos in the gentle rain
did you know you could stop me in my track make me forget my thought and that?
you’re a fast car speeding away like a scene from a crime did i disappear from mind or only your review was that even you?
The ones who say they want to be friends with me don’t and the ones who act like they love me won’t
i must be a non-playable character in my own game or i’m living in Purgatory and i’ve gone insane
Am I the wrong aesthetic marching to my own beat out of tune am i pathetic?
ashes ashes we tumble down a coming crisis fast burning crown
i scared him the way lightening can strike twice in the same place or an angel invading your personal space
did you have to speed away so quickly made me feel sickly
they come on strong like the wind carry your kite high blow rocks in your eye make you laugh or cry
spun out don’t give a crap
ghosted for sure can’t make friends with the mailman they always wanting more
Their love for me is waning like a moon as swiftly as a typhoon i don’t know how to read a room my feet spell doom
the way he took a mental picture i hope it fades cuz memories don’t last forever nor does his gaze
they’re so settled in their lives with their choices and their wives?
you come on heavy trodden make me lose step a life i’ve forgotten where i want to build a garden
why did you fall like sand through an hour glass it was moving fast
i was the wonder you found at the end of the road? a wandering intrusion hard to watch me go? the direction of confusion
the hubris lose it it’s fucking useless
speed off my king ride off into the morning like you’re never looking back like you never saw me coming
killed one but let the other live, i cannot know a thing
“don’t come around here”
“i told yah”
it’s definitely hormonal though because some days I’m willing to fight and other days I’m willing to fucking create
The problem is most people are destroying faster than things can create because nihilism is rampant
and if stats are 3 to 5 people have an STD we can assume that they are sterilized and unable to have any children
Sterilization is happening in so many different ways though
as long as the rich can continue ivf abominations
if you’re offended it’s not my problem
you can continue to shadow ban me but every checkmark page that shows up on my fucking profile I’m gonna block it
any time i get a penalty for anything – BLOCKFEST
using a favorite song but getting an “unoriginal video removal penalty” – bye bye band – BLOCKY
i can keep going because I block people just looking at FYP videos and reading comments that have nothing to do with me or the creators video
even with the shadowbans and blocking sprees, i’ve somehow managed to linger around 5k on the potential tiktok ban
fighting for my life still so making content is not priority number one
recently i reached out to an old schoolmate and then i casually blocked them
i wasn’t trying to get back into their life
just having revelations
“like remember that time you stoned me”
need a sling and rock me thinks
moving into that portion of the Bible/Matrix
when they take on the giants/ mr smith
“got any weapons on you”
the cop telling me i need to take a walk to cool off
honey, you need to take a walk to lose some of that fat
he’s a fucking cop and I’m dying and I make better attempts at keeping up with my health than he does
i’m on the damn MRI table sitting in a hospital gown that’s 100 times my size too big and telling the doctor I’m not “marriage material” and he’s like “what? well if you think it’s your looks it’s not that…”
my damn mechanic thinks i’m fit
like no
my back arms are jelly
i need to work on my triceps and my booty gains and i’m not getting to do anything but try to fucking not have my throat close up on me in this fucking toxic environment
And do I just pay the rent or do I go through all the legal fucking bullshit to tell the landlord fuck you you ain’t get another dime from me?
The headache and stress involved in doing this and also trying to quit weed medicinal again at the same time and moving on my own and just everything
I already turned in my notice to vacate and I did send out the certified stuff
this place is a dump and the law is on my side – but there are obstacles and headaches involved – they make it so – the librarian even pointed it out “The forms the landlord needs are easy to find and accessible but not the tenants” (cuz i was embarrassed i could not do a simple task)
He would send a cease and desist to stop the eviction process and im gone anyway he said
“dont pay june rent – ride it out until xyz”
im ready to post reviews and give one star ratings
“if you like living with cockroaches, mold, and crime, where half the amenities posted online are nonworking and the slumlords gaslight you daily, you found the right space…”
“see piccys”
the blm community have children and teenagers stealing packages and banging on doors
all of Gen X represent David and globalism obviously Goliath (society)
Goliath / I spieth / aim my eyes higher / my tongue not quiet / sails set to the sun/ time to riot\
iPoet
any recommendations for a tablet or computer? drop them below
“please buy my product full of bloatware” “see if i care”
we’re eating cereal! i like my dinner with poison. why are you choking?
no hope here / just a mangled boat dear
storm on horizon / take it on Poseidon / the strength i’m havin
🙂
also me: heart > brain > lung injury
yet i still breathe
JUST NEED A MINUTE TO SAY I LOVE YOU GOD
yeah yeah yeah
i think the mold was driving me into the brink of madness – i mean, i found myself wrapped up in a shower curtain screaming in agony for probably six hours of least
neighbors heard me lose my mind
i live with a disease called depression
but i ain’t jumping on the nihilism deathtrain
i don’t need any help dying
i need to stop trying
but there’s a lot of crying
i just want some place to die in peace and quiet
in maybe 65 years
that is only 110 tho
let’s go 111
wow oh wow how lovely
maybe undersold myself
damn
one can have goals
i mean, i’m nearly halfway there and one foot in the grave
a girl can dream
right now i would like to go one day without coughing
doc wants another CT scan
you know, at infectious diesease
where staff treat you like a plague
(well not them, just the idiots everywhere else)
cuz i’m half zombie
i took identifying as goth a little too far
i just wanna move somewhere with clean air and enjoy my black box
hope John Jones still on my back
yeps
the way he wanted fresh air again
he just wanted to get back to his life
“i hate it here”
same
just some freestyle through the phone
3 weeks until new home
clinging on
i made some grave mistakes getting the Moderna vaccine
there better not be any waivers to sign getting into heaven
they took away the avatar but i downloaded the video but it looks like shit
you appeared like golden rays living through trials and tribulations – for seven years not days trudging through purgatory your pages tell a different story
only acts of service like locking the door cleaning your blood from the floor
or driving over silences growing flowers through the crevices bullets lining the habits lived
quietly tipping over areas lit treat the darkness like my shadow did guess i love you just a little bit
the way you looked at me like the eclipse is there any man that ever did do this
imagination as big as the universe caught a glimpse when i saw you first but time stood still
cuz God needs time to rest i make him restless question his own test wounded by love
still thinking of like turning sunsets
purple yellow gold found the rainbow tucked below your soul
and where i’m circling in dream and suffering prayers answered daily falling from sky lately mercy come to save me
but skies are grey i’m not okay pulling shoe to lace charms knives mixed with mace
a pretty killer deadly is a thriller but no match to grace wings are full of bitter
a spicy angel or call me child mouth is running wild won’t watch me linger
like buildings burning down the blood drips from my crown but i’m no liar cuz two plus two is fire
my location is lost don’t fear the locust cleaning up the rust mold i cleared the most
with curses and firestorms my wrath is fullform wish he hadn’t been born
blames me for existence loves me wish he didn’t won’t confess he’s smitten
deny me once won’t deny me again let me walk away now twice he hid
let’s pull up a chair pretend we both don’t care “i’m never there”
burn me in my back turn my cheek and that kiss me on my way give me bitten apple words i cannot grapple or mind with a haze
now the cards have shifted a child but still i’m gifted a life i’ve never liven i’m fucking livid
mark the wall with GENX
on hold like a pot of gold still climbing tho got a ways to go
stop to enjoy sun cry for what i’ve done bear not what i fear brother missing here
like a call coming from inside the house but i’m a big mouth i will call you out my lips will flap
*sneak peek cuz i wanna wait to open it at the new place*
the black box came with a black card inside
and a poem… which needs a frame and candle or maybe put in a scrapbook – a fun gothic type scrapbook
with old pages tied together with twigs
(im a witch)
i got box 36. my lucky numbers.
🙂
it feels very luxury for the price
i accidentally did the annual subscription
locked in for the season
3 more coming and i will fully open this one in 30ish days (maybe)
(it just arrived)
(i packed it up)
they threatened eviction the devil bit his own tail i’m speaking with a lawyer now
they can eat dust i will watch the sunrise turn them into rust
got in trouble for not crossing my T or dotting my I it didn’t keep me up at night i didn’t even cry
my most recent live brought in nearly 10k viewers and i got banned temporally
how can i assist you? turn around and dismiss you?
i’m missing vanity you got plenty
guess how much? summer lines
people are saying it is gristle put it in a skillet it will sizzle give it a sniffle i feel sick though
Nothing works here Except my fears Multiplied by seven I’m counting years
went to hide but almost did follow i stumbled low i guess i’m hollow then again i don’t know why you never did wallow where my crown lies?
not out of the neck of the woods yet… you said under woven stars mixed with metaphors and scars you wouldn’t be far – but i’d never ever reach you heaven is beneath you like a glass jar mixed with marbles and gold bars you see everything that i do upside down entangled view dolls and stars now old guards
smooth passageways the terrain was hostile still i climbed down
when you go from a bad place to a better place you go to a worse place first “from bad to worse”
“i look forward to being arrested” she contested
lines will be drawn or written he says he hates me cuz he’s smitten i lie like a kitten soft and rarely hidden
the steel crumbled like you and me too little too late concrete at the gate
i returned to see who you follow no apologies cuz you are hollow like a rotten tree
is that the shadow of the moon blocking the sun? but you can’t forgive what we’ve done? but why are the clouds so close to my smoking gun?
like walking through a sea of foam covered all over your home we walk alone
something is afoot but not adrift i’m lost i admit
the glass is smashed i’m coming last like a homerun, my wrath is fast
the sheep are nestled in the ruins the moon is soothing 50 foot swells are brewing
she’s the worst kind need hill or mountain just to climb
air into lungs before you lose your mind she is mine
it’s like you and i are chasing a rogue planet chipping away at nihilism like granite and you’re collecting names of everyone i yell “look whose done it”
i don’t wanna come back as a cockroach that’s a big nope
i promise you it’s always regret those final moments drawing last breath
were the FBI the cleanup crew? would you draw a gun on me, if to your land i flew?
never go head first into a body of water or down in a cave, where you’re wishing there’s some vodka
“keep your eye on the toys Annie, you know about toys”
so im out here buying guns and toys
and that cute crop top under $19
and i no longer watch tv – might as well wear clothing of band tees i care not about
like i lost my identity with music or stuff
you should be impressed im a total fucking mess
wrapped up in agony
wear heart on sleeve
but thesleeve is cute no?
should i start watching sailor moon cartoons?
or am i allowed to just enjoy the art?
and the cuddles with the like the pusheen plushy?
the movie is a map
it imprinted on me
and i am Annie crying on a busy street
“keep your eye on the toys” – so that’s what im gonna do
i take my advice from old Hollywood films now
and music from the 90s is still a calling card
a good way to reach me
i rarely turn on the radio but now when i do sometimes my sister is sending me messages
or it could be guilt eating me alive cuz she died?
and my mother had made it very clear and apparent that she is mad i did not go visit her in the hospital
– even tho i was dying from the vaccine
i was having major problems with my heart even tho they waited until i was having minor problems with my heart to puta wire on but even then they found problems with my heart – and any minor problem is major when you are only in your 40s and now dying and your sister is too?
but i got a boomer mom
and a half sister still alive who was triple vaccinated and boosted but still got covid but “is fine” (she is Gen Y) (i cant wake my family up and some of them have died)
so im working with infectious disease now
(mold will fucking destroy your life)
(it’s not dust)
(cleanitsoitdoesntturnevil)
(my shit has defo been hacked)
anyhoo – at least japan la sell officially licensed products
got some stationary to never write in and give away in 20 years cuz i horde?
but i like bootlegs too
and thats my box of prob unofficially licensed shit coming
we’re moving over uncharted territory the same ole story they will say is new with a map or two said sky was green know a different thing they’re bringing out candy and guns feels like a witch hunt but i misread a room smiling when there’s gloom not good at pretense focus on lament
(cuz absolutely would propose or ask if anyone was available in the unit)
(if he responds “i am married” then that does not mean “no” but that he would have taken me to coffee and the courthouse asap to make things official and whatnot…
i love you more than all the heavens combined we move like the wind but hell won’t change my mind like crossing roads we’re entwined? entanglement? weren’t you heaven sent?
2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)
no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)
but you know if looks could kill
looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too
i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)
but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him
would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side
nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket
welp
help. still in hell. *sadface*
i’m not in / this isn’t happening
SAME
p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”
like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)
i tried to put it in a poem
it isn’t going very well
don’t hang up it’s me i’m dying find a tree and hang freely
does he hold me hostage in his mind? is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream? he has touched me in places i have never seen majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs he turns my low to highs
the devil lives three doors down i got his number unholy ghost in town and i still can’t slumber
is that you shining light in my path
just a crush? you spin the earth like heaven i can feel the rush but time ain’t changing near you my cheeks turn rosy got a royal flush?
you must be the warmest place in the solar system you must be a taste of the life i am missing i walk around a zombie hissing but in my dreams we’re kissing
we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace
photo stolen from the web – from someone who stole it from the web – from someone who stole it from the web… so i dunno who took it – but dead folks things for sale !
i don’t know how to make a good blog post. i don’t know how to get any additional pages to ‘appear’. and I’m sure I’m being punished for trying to figure shit out and openly talk about it but wordpress’s solution or “the happiness engineers” is to pay them $500 to build me a blog but I’ll need to upgrade to a business plan m’kay
i know you’re there i can feel your shadow watching i’m always awake my finger is a kill switch my divine purpose maybe i’m not a soldier yet until i get my finger wet wrapped around your dying neck i don’t give a heck
Memento mori Placed on shelf A little worry For no one else
Lake of Fire future resident? A personal present? For the ones I love best?
The interstellar texting fees must be astronomical But still you reach out like fading galaxies Or maybe you just want to collide into me Yet always demanding the direction I take While lingering in the fantasy of my wake
Would you write my obituary? And lay to rest all the sins I carry? For to sadness I am married And our love it should be buried
They come They go It’s my fault though Status too low Weep like willow
You’re always on the run Never stop running You’re never having fun Complain the sun is sunning
I’ve never had anything, and now I’ve got too much. And I could lose it anytime, that’s always been my luck.
I’m sorry but I’m not I said what I thought Feelings come and go Sometimes I take a shot No matter lesson told I say it on the spot You know I can be cold
People already think so lowly of me, I can’t get anymore low.
But it’s easy to judge when your grass is always green.
I’ve been on this earth unmarried for eons, it’s literally hell.
I like being naughty sometimes but I never was that naughty.
We’re literally born nude and we can’t take our clothing to heaven.
I miss doing spicy photography.
I don’t know what to tell you
I just wish I was already moved.
But I’m holding out for land instead of spending uppers of $6k to jump apartment’s.
I am overdue a new environment.
It’s hard to be inspired and motivated in a place I can’t stand.
I’ve only ever posted nude photos, never compromised myself by doing anything other than photography. Though many requests came in with $$$ offerings and I ran folks off.
I have some very cute outfits and have been working out despite growing old.
95% of my household items are gone. Either sold, donated or dumped.
Things are in boxes minus my closet.
I still sleep on the floor.
So think what you will of me, but I miss my tribe.
My accounts were active and I had a lot of traffic.
Now everything is stagnant.
I’m tired of stagnation.
I don’t see anything wrong with nude art.
It teaches me how to be a woman, something man has failed at doing.
But they gave me my username back, and that makes me feel better. 😘
I’m terrible with secrets.
I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I don’t want to be here.
He’s the color of rufous An absolute doofus He’s the color of sky With black in his eye
Wish we were exclusive Instead of reclusive Like dreaming is lucid He’s the color of life
21 inch porthole Thick socks for the cold The vessel did implode I guess it didn’t hold
They got crushed Their vessel was rushed Now they’re all just dust
Victories not just The dangers were discussed Labeled with mistrust
He never told me how much he loved me Hot sun above me Make me swoon Left me for doom
There’s something in the water I won’t barter The coverup is worse than the crime We’ve all lost our mind
Only the beginning Can’t tell whose winning The cold is chilling Earth is spinning Sun is not forgiving
The rich are the cheapest people Definitely not my equal
SOS only And I’m so lonely My home ain’t homely
My shadow leaves me when it’s dark When I’m shattered into pieces And I feel I have no heart
My breath it nearly ceases A landscape growing stark
I’m running out of patience I’m afraid I’ll miss my mark There’s very few releases
Immured in bitterness It makes no difference I’m dull, won’t take a risk Skipping deaths kiss
The sun comes and goes The ebb and the flows Midnight lows The oh’s and the throes He could heal my soul Or let it decompose In the meadows With the crows
Got the hexes on my exes Nothing here perplexes They’re reckless My math is only guesses
I want to be her The girl he swoons for The one he adores I want her blood on the floor I want to see her die Wouldn’t find a tear in my eye But I’m an amateur
It’s hot and humid I hate his hubris Thinks we’re all clueless Will betray like Judas
I don’t know what’s going on, says the captain Knowledge lacking Inside the cabin
Right is forward and left is back Experts they lack Inside a tiny shack
The question makes his blood run cold He’s the Devil you know
If they’re not already dead they will be That’s what the sources tell me And I have a feeling that is sinking With that submarine
I am absolutely invested emotionally in this lost submarine
So poetry…
All the money in the world won’t save them And there’s banging from the deep, there’s mayhem All the prayers for them now, feel like a sunken gem Who do we fault, who do we condemn?
“It has one button, that’s it” Says the narcissist
5 are dead or dying While some are crying Other’s are denying Trouble underlying
Remote Like our love A breach in hull Shipwrecked is soul
Crushed is hope But do you know the scope An uncertified submarine Nightmare or dream?
Dark waters turn crimson But no one will listen When you hear the cries The thunder in the skies The dead have gone missing They were on a mission Straight to extinction Race against affliction
It’s a dead giveaway You’re going to die today
Sorrows sorrows prayers The state of affairs Endless nightmares Electric chairs Tell me someone cares
You need to leave but you’re not free to go The cop combo
Never get on the bad side of a good girl You will see her form Like hail in storm She ain’t lukewarm
I need to focus on the gains And not the mishaps Sometimes I think I’ve gone insane But no one gives a crap
He’s like driving on a floating road And I ain’t going slow
He’s like riding in a truck without breaks That’s the speed it takes
Walking in the underground I’m a ghost and he is the crowd
“Loose lips Sink ships”
It’s unfortunate The people who need help Can’t be helped
It’s always the same color crayon The same con The Devil’s spawn Hanging on my lawn So they get a yawn Wish they’d move on Back to Babylon Where they’re coming from Fucking hate them all
I wish I had no father Why even bother Poison like still water I wish I had more honor
Why does the sun Travel in a straight line Like your lines From pen to mind
He hits on his own reflection He’s gaslighting every direction He says he loves with affection He’s in love with his own perfection
Some need more than one chance To change the circumstance Don’t want the last dance
Michael Leavitt deserves to crawl into a hole he can’t get out of As below, so above
I’m just barely existing Time is ticking Grave persisting Death resisting
I don’t want realistic Fuck sadistic I’m humanistic Ain’t optimistic
I must be dead inside Soul paralyzed Know not to cry
She’s not me Still do I slide into her clothes Like midnight over moon I am all And I am none
I start the trends I rarely follow I live in pretense Hard pills to swallow
Til death do us part We ain’t got the heart Black and full of rot We’re both distraught No grave for plot
I don’t get the physics Or why he never visits Says it ain’t my business Why he acts suspicious
Why are you under my teeth? Beneath my seams? Between my dreams? Light like moonbeams?
Time moves slower in the cold His heart is indigo Take me where blue blood will flow His undertow The place I grow
He steals the sun and turns it into limelight His pen will give me frostbite
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
Demons look like humans Cheaters look like keepers Users look like friends Children look like men Do not attempt To understand
I haven’t been able to sleep and my entire FYP is the lost submarine
I actually hope and pray they are found. It would be nothing short of a miracle. However, they sent two subs down (unmanned presumably) that got crushed at 6000 ish meters
I had a comment get over 1600 likes – and got annoyed with all the notifications – so deleted it
I commented a teenager shouldn’t be on board, many said he was 19
I replied NINETEEN – TEEN
And still – they denied
Had to block – got annoyed
I wish we could mute comment notifications but naw
So delete – it just wouldn’t stop getting likes or comments
I’m an introvert I suppose
Sidenote
Apparently the CEO was in a lot of trouble and he was a good gaslighter and salesman to convince those people to die with him – I don’t think a teenager (yes nineteen is still a teen) should be allowed on an experimental submarine dive 12,500 feet below the sea. It doesn’t matter what fancy title you give them.
That CEO stated over and over that sub was entirely safe, “if this goes… “safe”, if that goes… “safe” but sign this waiver
Look, I signed a waiver getting that motherfucking vaccine and I will never trust another doctor or nurse again – I was asking all the right questions but I was gaslit, gullible, and lied to
And even tho the first vaccine fucked me up, I crawled further in the hole, just like our dear John Jones…
It nearly killed me and I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
I cannot stress this enough, adrenaline spikes to the heart is a no-go
I workout but not to the extreme
I fucking ran through the Dollar 25 tree with 2 gallons of spring water and it was a no no and that was recently
I was in my car going, “it’s okay we’re safe now, I won’t do that again”
So I can run and jog but not with added weights
It’s ridiculous but if you knew how far I’ve crawled – to get better, you might be a tiny bit proud
I’m feeling stronger but can’t do adrenaline spikes at all…
And I’m only 108 pounds
I also have to be careful with extreme temperatures, the hot and cold
I’m like Goldie Locks, need everything just right…
I’m not out of the dark yet and may never be…
The light is so much more powerful than the dark
Also, they stated you wouldn’t be able to hear banging that deep down – something about sound not traveling through the cold
I find that interesting
Isn’t space cold?
I hope God can hear my screams…
I do feel bad about them being stuck at the bottom of the sea
Maybe they didn’t explode
Maybe they made up the banging to keep the search ongoing and the $$$$ flowing
A fast death seemed a little less cruel than suffocating in the dark and cold in a sealed up tuna can
Where you can’t even stand…
Or hyperventilate
With only a sandwich and bottle of water
The one window was plexiglass
A freaking fish tank
You couldn’t pay me a million to get bolted in that tin
I need to get back to my FYP and I feel less guilty about buying clothes now – that’s a much better decision than sinking to the bottom of the sea to explore a graveyard
But I was fucking stupid for getting that 2nd vaccine
I’m learning to forgive myself for a lot of things
I have been dying a slow and painful death
And there are people on my black list
Lucky buying clothes is all I’m planning to do…
LUCKY
Cuz the daydreams are filled with revenge tenfold
I promise when I’m feeling better than dead I will post some of my cute clothing
Mostly dressing comfy for now…
And appreciative I have a floor to sleep on
My sister died of Covid age 45
I don’t want to die…
But everything is actively trying to kill me
The water, the food, the air, it’s all been poisoned
How do you do it? Take my mess? And turn it into puzzle? Six foot hole with shovel? Buried deep is trouble? Humming like you’re humble? Dear it’s never subtle?
Collecting comments Crashing comets Trashy content Make me vomit
I didn’t press Enter I pressed Return So the Devil will linger Like he has concern
I’m a recovering passive nihilist I’m always acting childish Just ask my stylist Fired for being biased We’re not an alliance Fall dead to silence But I’m full of violence Underrated and defiant Won’t find me quiet
In an alternate universe I didn’t jump soon enough Guess the train caught my bluff My friends had already given up
Stick a needle in his eye Listen to his fake cry Pooling from his alibi Set a spell so he may die
The water smells like chlorine I bet he thinks I’m boring I guess I’ve lost count scoring The hate is over pouring
The devil loves my bitterness Right now I am rigorous It makes not a difference Heading for the wilderness
We’re the worst crash That never happened Like lightning flash But we’re still laughing?
The feeling of imminent death Took the wrong step Made a wrong left Death is terrifying He knows I ain’t lying
Pretty toes Because the highs are lows And colored rose I’ve changed tempos Searching the afterglow
*sigh* despite having video downloads off, found my best viral TikTok video posted by another on YouTube (he did credit me – but where’s my $$$ for it going viral on YT) (fuck you)
Society is a scam.
Poem inspired by a scammer scamming a scammer
Why does it aggravate me so much when people copy me? Because I’m Gen X? And we’re the only generation who are individuals? Yes? No? Maybe?
“Made in China” and should stay there Like your feelings, I just don’t care
Kayaking all by your lonesome? Not cuz you’re wholesome?
Those who play by the rules are the mark I’ve got out my chalk Refuse to talk Right hand my glock Born out of wedlock Married to my walk
He thinks she should be paroled Once she is dead
I’ve spent all my life In captivity
Love will never blossom here again Tie the knots And tie the endless twigs But love – It won’t blossom here
Sleep in a cloud of prayer Like running into a server farm Have no idea if I have come to harm? Like sleeping on a prayer With halo in my hair I’m so dumb I will sound the alarm
So I’m just baggage Armed with a camera Can do some damage It’s an advantage
Centenarian Want to live to then
He said it’s safer In the lion’s den Like hate is my neighbor But he ain’t friend
Father, There’s almost nothing left My sister is dead I’m bereft Sick in the head Near out of breath Got money in the bulkhead
Compartments upon compartments Secret dirty pockets
He’s a no outlet I’m driving full speed Like he’s a preacher for me to confess But he’s a no outlet
Am I walking to the gate of resentment Where there’s no contentment I am so relentless It’s a consensus
Weighed in at 108 pounds today despite eating $100 dollars worth of Cracker Barrel over the last 3 days.
My new small clothing is already too big, and the extra small are loose. Extra extra small exists but I’m probably too fat for it.
108 pounds because “my labs are fine” despite cancer eating me alive
Medical malpractice is common
I don’t want anywhere near a hospital when dying
And like Bob, I would call 9/11 and hang up.
I recently did that, after giving my 201? (location) and she had the audacity to ask me the location.
I responded, “I just fucking told you” and click.
Call disconnected
I did not answer the return
And spoke with the cop when he arrived who informed me that “all of Daytona is bad. Move.”
My lease is up in April
I really don’t want to renew
I also don’t know where to move?
I need land (1-5 acres and a down payment of like a lot)
Can you start dropping coordinates
Of potential places
Where there aren’t many faces
I’m stuck in stasis
Skipping over bases
We’re tied just like laces
Let the sign read faceless
Erasing traces
Following the void
God is gracious
But my neighbors are so racist
I ain’t complacent
Need new spaces
(Help pretty please)
I hope TikTok gets banned
I made my account private and uninstalled the communistic spy app cuz I’m in trouble again for sharing LGBT fashion and stating I was boycotting it
My hate extends all the way to “Made in China”
Stamp it
Engrave it
I fucking hate it
The Great Wall of deceit
WordPress too
The phone is dead come September
Don’t want a new
Not dropping $500+ every two years to be punished on social media
Literally ready to just disappear
By Uncle Sam
My parents are still alive but I don’t know their phone or address
Like a kid, I feel helpless
Acting out of will
Guess I’m growing feckless
Avoiding road of reckless
And feeling so desperate
Just need a quiet place to rest
Maybe God’s chest?
I love him the best
God 1st
Fuck AI
Stop training the AI
I will fuck him up
The Chinese will use AI to commit crime as they are attempting to avoid karma
I do not comply
With any change happening
You fucking asshole
You voted for Biden eh
And have the audacity to say “I can’t trust you”
Oh do-do
I can’t be in the same room as a man
Hardly any women
99.9% of the population denounced God
Stop gaslighting you soulless pricks
“I’m not having children”
Yeah cuz you are bad witch
Nihilist
You all went grey in your 30s
Cuz you removed yer sex organs
For plastic
To look like you’re about to have a baby
But you can’t
And are not
And I’m still bleeding
My life was stolen from me
God feels pain
The dog is driving me insane
I know who is to blame
There’s only one name on my blacklist
*insert shit that could hurt me in the future*
So which path do I take?
Revenge or forgiveness?
It ain’t none of your business
Sincerely as your witness
Kisses sealed with suspicious
Pepper sprayed cuz I’m vicious
What if all these freckles on my body are shadow burns from other stars we can’t actually see cuz our own Sun
Like how the shadow of people were burned into the wall when they were nuked
Like an xray
A mirror reflecting the cosmos
If we could really leave earth, we would
Man killed the dinosaurs
6th mass extinction
You’re gonna burn in hell
For all eternity
Reincarnation is another word for cloning
*sigh* I spend so much time fixing the algorithm
And don’t get paid for it
I no longer answer surveys or give my opinions
Unless you gonna $$$$ me
I’m not racist, I just don’t like you
Be someone worth liking
You’re a walking HollyWood soundbar
Propaganda is all you spew
Cox and his cocks, I mean clocks
Science is nihilism
I wish the dog was dead
I want my life back
Sorry not sorry
People changed him
I’m a passive nihilist in recovery
God save me
But the darkened ones in Generica
The majority
I don’t want to save
Would step back from my own family in flames
Have done and did
Regrets? Oh yeee
Going dark for 6 months or so
There are demons running this world
Satan’s domain
I’ve overstayed my welcome
Losing faith but seldom
Sharpening it like weapon
Cuz devil is depression
As above so below
You ever worry about just being ones and zeros
Like Pinocchio hoping for a soul
Like jumping in a hole
I ran out of stories of cave dying
And have moved onto “crocodile’s eating humans”
I’ve done some seriously dangerous shit as a teen
Nothing like jumping off a ship into shark infested waters at night
This one guy wanted to visit the nudest colony in Death Valley
By miracle he was rescued
But opted a second time to go again
HE DIED
There is a pattern with the seconds
Like how I got the second shot
I’m at risk for Adult Sudden Death syndrome
My immune system was compromised
I’m alive by sheer will and the grace of God
If I knew I only had X amount of time remaining
I’d probably exact my revenge
It’s extremely hard walking a path of holy
In the devil’s land
What dimension are we in again?
It’s a proven fact that Gen Y and Z are dumber than previous generations
I can’t relate to anyone but Gen X and him and him
Him and Him – new book name
I identify as a GIRL
Men cannot have babies
Everybody is a fucking pedo
Fuck LGBT
Fuck TikTok
Fuck “Made in China”
The cops: indecent exposure
Me: the clothes make me burn
Cotton or au gratin?
Apparently most cheese isn’t cheese
Why does God spare some and not others?
Potential?
Not an NPG?
Anything that can happen does and will
Possibility?
Both wave and particle
Timeline jumping
I was going at least 80 miles an hour when I moved into the middle-lane at the exact moment thousands of hands of lightning struck my Jeep, all 4 windows down, arm out
“Fuck” I cried as I whipped my arm in and looked through my rearview and side mirrors taking my foot off the pedal
The sound deafening
Lightning touched my arm
The whole Jeep was surrounded by arms of lightning
Pop up artist in Oklahoma Has no damn diploma Divorced him in a coma But darling she’s a cold one
Unreal omens Roaming like the Romans My blood is spoken One spell never broken Couldn’t love them both then?
We’re nearly dressed alike Turn down the turnpike Let’s go for a hike Heard from hope tonight
Maybe it was harder than I thought it would be Humility
He likes my tiny – My tiny tiny heart Nicknamed sunshiny His counterpart
The big girls keep yelling that I’m small / I fear he can’t see me at all
Like a volcano about to erupt I’m running amuck Let me be abrupt This government is corrupt!
Everything he writes Is about him me you us Combined in a trust Locked without fuss
To put her mind at ease, he lied With spear in side Not Judascide Cat caught the mouse Lie tied to mouth Not big the trap
Are you burning down cities? Running from the guilty? Like a modern viking gypsy? Do you fancy life more risky? Got a shot a whiskey?
AWOL / never ordered you to leave
I’m 1600 miles away from hope No room for boat Get your telescope Walking a tightrope
Has karma grabbed your foot? Think you’re off the hook? Think steps I mistook? Ban me like a crook?
I’m a fucking primate Gotta lot on my plate
You make life misery You take all liberty
I clean but make a bigger mess / to God I confess
It’s like he’s observing a galaxy from 4 billion years ago – The girl he used to know Does he see how much I’ve grown?
Adventure is more reliable than happiness Said once a therapist?
You’re a deceitful mess I learned from the best
Dear Necromancer, Nothing is not the answer Let God be the anchor And Earth, don’t forget to thank her
The nervous thumb twitch Like broke then too rich Got called a dumb bitch Might wind up in a ditch
Your new life will cost you your old one Just waiting for the dog to be done
There’s something super familiar about all these incidents Just can’t place my feather on it
He works in 12 hour shifts Might hear from him In a dozen years
Could you mumble in monotone some more / you’re a zombie chewing on my bored
I wonder where you are on my follower list Someone I’ll surely miss? Connection with a twist? Or maybe you don’t exist?
Got knocked down Lost my place Scattered humility Eclipsed across my face Nearly lost my soul Now taking second place
He doesn’t understand I don’t have love for him I don’t have love for much I don’t have love for them
He comes on like rain Smell of petrichor Bet I love it more
I know you think I’m boring Map me like you’re exploring Tell you stories that got you snoring I know who you’re ignoring
He’s so bizarre Drive fast in my car Foot on the throttle He thinks I’m odd
We are distributed across billions of light years of space That’s the love it takes That’s why our heart aches Unlimited weight We’re at infinities gate Heaven will not wait
Dearly belated Oh Most Hated Got me jaded Nearly persuaded But sun hasn’t faded
He’s the Epic of Gilgamesh Death is irrelevant Lessons from a demigod – Speaks a bunch of gibberish!
Dear Elite Think life’s complete With hand I’ll greet Meet me in the street?
Do you think God plays favorites? Paradise for the angel? Won’t give me nothing I can’t handle?
Cold water sinks / depression leaks
Nothing is more expensive than a cheap boat Unless you’re out of hope Better pray for rope Here’s your footnote
Now you’re just somebody that I want to know
I promise – I won’t make any promises I’m too damn ominous Like doubting Thomas But my tongue is honest
I’m investing in bullets and freshwater Dream of killing father Knelt down by altar Gold coins for slaughter At knee they foster Silver and laughter It’s land I’m after For ash to scatter And sin for answer God is still my master Hereafter
I don’t know my own father’s face / I don’t know his fate / or should I really hate
What I am Computer programs Happy Birthday rams Still sticking around Like dripping clouds I’m in a drought The thick of doubts It’s double this shroud It’s double this shroud I’m looking out Twice as loud
Neurons could be pixels on my desktop You build walls I can eavesdrop You build ramps I can skate across You know I won’t ever stop
The blueprints are in another dimension God will never mention 🙂 Not that you’re listening Unused attention Forward inching
Mark Chapter 11:
Jesus cursed a fig tree Love thy neighbor Unless it’s not producing fruit Then cut it loose Bloodletting (but he could’ve waited until morning) (when the sun was burning)
(The fruit doesn’t form at night / you get what I am learning)
Dear Man of Sin Oh Lawless One Repent for what you’ve done Oh Rotten One
Dear Beast from Sea Dreaming of me Doctrine of Demons Too blind to see
Fallen angel of technology You ain’t fooling me I’m sacred geometry True anomaly
Stats in real time But always delayed The algorithm favors Those who paid
Do not worship false idols
Thank you for the magnificent midnight moon The verdict you impugn Farewell written on ballon Drinking gold from a teaspoon Lack of despair come June
He’s the universe Divided by zero A nice guy But not a hero
Money won’t buy happiness But I’ll be better dressed I’m kinda feeling ravenous Like the earth’s my catalyst I knew you couldn’t handle it
What forest have you been foraging Like my prayers that you’re forwarding Like the sun you get me flourishing I’m yelling but you’re ignoring
Wilted Like a weeping willow Guilt silken And gripping like the end Bed ridden And evil are children
He won’t give his twenty Claims he is bleeding Disconnected – Call is ending Streets are empty Can anyone hear Bob screaming?
Angel investor Married but not together Machine his predecessor A wife he couldn’t pleasure
All hail AI / Bob has died
Caught stumbling all alone Gripping his phone Dripping blood Like a trail of bones
Stabbed and shunned Car with hazards on A billionaire with no gun City center is fun!
Close enough to be stabbed in the chest twice – with a kitchen knife
Bob was perfect at everything but being a husband eh (gaslighting)
I’m not stupid, Bob. How dare you. “I sleep with men but I’m not gay”. LOL (God)
M’kay whatever you say
(This is how I mourn. It’s called the 7 stages of grief. I’m on ANGER)
Seeking help but wouldn’t give the one call your location – fucking lost – on a street you mostly lived – c’mon!!!!
You should have stayed down! The adrenaline spikes got yah!!!!
“Angel investor” NO BRO – DEMON who doesn’t even Tweet or acknowledge women – it’s sharing “bro this”, “bro that” and comments to other boys about “why aren’t you here already” and current posts from said person ain’t shed a tear of your passing
Delusional bro
AI is not the way
White pawns are under attack
White lives don’t matter
Bob, you should have stayed down
Your lovers fake plastic sister living in a 2 million highrise – in the same building you own
I got the popcorn out
You remember the Looking Glass?
God already won
The Devil taking his fine time drawing his last move – getting as many souls as he can – drowning demon
Image is everything to these demons – they wrote the playbook for crying out loud – in the closet gay!!!! He’s ruined the world! His daddy too!
Maybe I’m sorry but maybe I’m not!
Sidenote: they don’t get it – but I inherently get it. I wouldn’t normally either. However, this instance, it’s like a direct arrow to my broken soul. Boom this way to the singularity. No no this way to heaven. It’s like you and I play pull rope (what the hell is that rope game actually called)
I can’t recall JJ’s nn either – and he’s the one who sent it to me through the ether. I was all offended and like “no bro”. He loved it.
I’m trying to quit this Russian weed – my brain needs time to sort the pathways
I mean, if I had a phone, and I needed HELP, I’d like CALL the authorities and like “I’m at a glass building, I’m dying”
He knew them streets like the back of an Android
YOU OUTTA THE CLOSET NOW BRO
Gave it a decade huh then ran back home to live with daddy
GAG
“My best friend”
I wanted to punch my mom when she said that about her first born – as I was the family slave ghosted (triangulation)
You turn open doors to silence Great wide expanse Look how you guide us Galloping in advance
I still love you best
I wish you well like starlight I’m seeking tonight Kept my heart tied
The perfect existence The one I found you in But you’re so nihilistic There’s no room to win
I know how you lie Dressed in crown And agony Twisted thorn Of tragedy
You’re lost You don’t have identity Heavy cross A penalty Come walk with me
Is this how we soothe it Our love is prudent Somehow I’ll prove it Driving nail right through it
Old mixed with new Like promises overdue I don’t have a curfew Under you
Surfing too With parachute In full monsoon We rendezvous
Let me say with oath He wanted promises stretched out unto infinity And so the great expanse was his domain
I know how much you hate me Run around berate me Am I poison sumac The girl you couldn’t stomach? Would you block me if I cometh? Maybe create a covet?
Indestructible. It will not corrode, rust or tarnish, and fire cannot destroy it.
Our love like gold
Tornadoes form When you arrive Like thunderstorm Or thorn in side
Man can’t travel to the beginning, it’s forbid Moving backwards through time There’s always going to be a dead end
I followed the American gold trail all the way back to Japan. I had to “read more” “read more” visit “read more” and said number of times – to find the end trail.
Also – they tax gold A LOT and the government can confiscate it anytime they want
(I’d like to see them steal my nuggets tho for real, I’m unhinged)
(I don’t have any nuggets – it was an impossible dream)
So phones only last around 6 years
By the time I purchase one 3-4 years in – it’s 2-3 years from its final update
“How long will this iPhone last”
Can we go back to pagers and whatnot?
Dropping letters in the mailbox without any postage?
Knocking on the door and leaving notes
“Be back in 10minutes 1 hour”
Leaving packages on the door “sorry I missed yah”
Or, maybe stop charging so much for “the latest phone”
Journalism is crap these days – websites swarmed with ads eating your data – and now they want us to pay for the “free press”
Pay for the propaganda and lies – more than we already do
Other countries that adopted the “American dream” policies are tanking
Not only did the parents of GEN X not like us – they want to give our jobs to the millennials – they sold us out – and stole half our retirement without remorse
None of them care about the future
Sex content should be behind a paywall
“Must verify age”
They need to put triple black curtains up at Spencer’s
I don’t want to see “adult content” 24/7
WP is turning into the FB algorithms in terms of how people are putting out content and slipping in desensitizing content
GenX needs to band together and get a farm and ghost everyone else (kinda)
It won’t be until 2060 or so until the Boomers are all gone
I thought I’d get to live to see something cool like go to the moon – but all the boomers produce are LIES
Isn’t your poetry like a little headlamp in a damp, dark cave.
Thank you
(Please stop destroying everything and feed the birds and wildlife whatever you are eating)
I’ve decided to bond with a house spider who took residence in my bathroom in the corner of the sink
She was small – she growing
I told her I must relocate her at some point “due to fear”
For now, she’s soaking up the dew from my shower time
She fixed her little web of string connected to my pop up trash bin after instructed
She loves my hot showers
She’s an animal
There’s a lot of responsibility in her trust of me
I have arachnophobia
Apparently she’s a common Florida house spider
When I was a child, unsupervised, I wanted to see how long it would take the June bugs to “coat me” and when my mom came outside to check on me, I was standing still covered head to toe in June bugs
She said I was the devil
I would let granddaddy long legs crawl on me too
“Oh look another one, put him on me”
Now I see a bug and nearly die
So I dunno where my disconnect with nature happened (my boomer mom)
I would eat the scallions growing in the grass – unwashed
I drank water from the hose
The school made me swish with fluoride
They lined us up in the hall and made us drink some pink stuff
We weren’t allowed to wear advertising or “Black and proud” t-shirts to school
Our shorts and skirts had to be knee level
I weigh now what I weighed then – only now I got tiny tiddies
I just spent over $400 on a new phone 2 1/2 years ago – and now come September – final update
So no.
I’ll start blogging from the library computer or something
50% of my retirement savings – in the pockets of the boomers
They still don’t care about us and don’t plan on handing over the torch which is why they ghosted and gutted us –
Wait til more have a place to direct their anger (stop spending)
(Crucify them!?!)
I don’t think the purpose to life is death and destroy.
My nutritionist complains that spring water “has no calories” but I get cranky when it takes me 3 days and several stores later to find it
Florida and Texas have parasites in the water – and if we can’t wash our face with it – so it won’t get up yer nose – I checked – the ear canal is also a route – but then I would think the eye
Sylvia Plath LIED
I gotta start boiling my water to bathe
If your houseplants are dying, stop feeding them tap water. Pro tip.
I’m still 110 pounds – despite eating a shit ton of mostly vegetarian food – and not rebounding for a solid week.
Kept eating like a pig – nope can’t gain any weight
Getting back to rebounding tho – just been deep down wallowing and trying to fatten up
My heart is obsessed with rebounding tho – the carpet still hasn’t been replaced but it’s still March and time is awful slow
Also me: I’m running out of time
I don’t have an ounce of patience after wasting my 20s & 30s
PoeEternal 