My nutritionist complains that spring water “has no calories” but I get cranky when it takes me 3 days and several stores later to find it
Florida and Texas have parasites in the water – and if we can’t wash our face with it – so it won’t get up yer nose – I checked – the ear canal is also a route – but then I would think the eye
Sylvia Plath LIED
I gotta start boiling my water to bathe
If your houseplants are dying, stop feeding them tap water. Pro tip.
I’m still 110 pounds – despite eating a shit ton of mostly vegetarian food – and not rebounding for a solid week.
Kept eating like a pig – nope can’t gain any weight
Getting back to rebounding tho – just been deep down wallowing and trying to fatten up
My heart is obsessed with rebounding tho – the carpet still hasn’t been replaced but it’s still March and time is awful slow
Also me: I’m running out of time
I don’t have an ounce of patience after wasting my 20s & 30s
You’re off chasing rainbows where the rain won’t shine You’ll love in time My hand is aging Like hope is tied Sun leans in raging Petrified
My love, In the universe, spheres aren’t really spheres Innocuous Joy reflect as fears Lingering Like how you disappear You are gone – So how are you here?
I’m not marriage material I’m grounds for divorce I’ll stick to my high horse
GARAGE SALE: Please buy my things I overspent I’ll overprice it It’s not magnificent
If it’s Made in China I’ve gotten rid of it The entire toolkit Sent it back to orbit Omitted Ejected from the cockpit Calling bullshit Burn it in the pit Claim counterfeit Propaganda lightening skin hypocrite Brown-nosing misfit Yellow fever transmit I’m sick of it
Weakened Lost spirit Gifts? Forget it Remorse? Acquitted
I come without bond Broken Look inside Heart ain’t coping
Like leaping ledge Just barely hoping Your foot will land With surface sloping
Opposition disappearing Dangerous dictatorship Communist country I’m growing hungry Purposeful spread the virus I read in silence
The holes stop healing when you die Like all feeling disappearing After you cry
Dear Mother, You are cold war. And Father, your mentor. Though coldness, speak no more.
Father, You are ice age Swimming in the current Of my full rage Father, you are first plague
Mother, You are cold war. A six foot hole I am searching for. Like a backdoor.
Postscript: Mirrors hold negative energy and the creams I was using cause “spots or burns” and I cry so much seeing myself in the mirror that I’ve now moved all mirrors from my bedroom, intend to get rid of or cover the others, am not allowed to wash my face with tap or shower water, per official government guidelines, and the cream I was using to not weather in the sun, in fact, made me weather in the sun, and so bottles are being thrown out, mirrors destroyed, tears finding unholy ground. But I’m still collecting seeds from the seed library (I’m half-alive hoarding dreams).
I wasn’t scared, I was sick.
And I’m still fighting off the devil.
And the urge of mass murder and suicide.
Have you seen the amount in the news?
Also, The Great Replacement theory is real.
I fell deeper in hell.
Two banks have been shut down.
I’ve stopped disassociating (and looking in the mirror).
I’m superstitious and see demons everywhere.
I need him to contact me.
Never mind the blocks (for his own protection)
Brian Cox is a pedophile faggot and – in his very own words – called a 38 year old man “old”.
He loves a brilliant young mind
Men hate women or anything natural or God like and are obsessed with their own creations such as AI, lab made cats and dogs, and say women have done nothing to contribute to society and are only good for childbearing
According to current studies, most married men want love with a prostitute (gag) (throws up in mouth)
I literally daydream of leaping off a bridge and that ain’t right
Fuck everything
Fuck you
I’ll be back at the library collecting seeds cause it fits in with my goals and values
I’m drifting buddy
*cries*
America is collapsing
I’m not racist but simultaneously hate everyone (unless good)
(I’m barely good)
(Hate self)
Pro tip: mirrors cause negative self-image and hold negative energies. Get rid of them. Stop looking. Now go off and be a good witch.
Happy cursing
I’m casting one soon on so-in-so
A tiny box with a mirror and his name sealed with a burnt black candle buried in the swamp
Tell God I’d like some place far from here to grow them.
This is hell. I wanna plant these babies somewhere else.
Even tho, they could be grown in the windowsill.
This.Is.Hell.
Help.
I hate how expensive it is to do anything. I hate the boomers.
There are things I don’t hate.
Seeds. Sunshine. Shade. Spring water. Nuts. Squirrel. Pretty bird. Crow.
I once liked having a job too. I’m considering remote work.
I’ve lost my mind but still have a Bachelor degree. Whatever that means.
I hope remote work.
Otherwise engaging at a sit down job at Aldi sounds potential.
“You plan on tossing him on the grill”
“Yum”
I’m sick of chasing my tail inside the deathcare health system
I ain’t better yet
But I’m sick of sitting around waiting to die
Working the movie ticket booth sounds ideal – weekends and weird hours no one wants.
Also me: I can’t fucking breathe
But I got my 20 minute rebound session in – getting fit with gravity
The rent is paid. They are dicking me around about my carpet “more time”
M’kay but calling the Health Department soon and whoever else I gotta…
I gotta download another app to do anything huh
Jetpack? A filter ontop a filter ontop a filter
Please no more
I don’t want to grow my seeds here
I don’t want to live here
I don’t want to die here
I’m sick of being sick
All woe is me
But I had a multigrain bagel with cream cheese and avocado for brunch (groceries from home) with hot chocolate and some sort of milk with probiotics but no lactose and yum
I am trying to get fat
109 pounds currently
(Steel abs, peachy peach)
(Looking zombie in the face)
(Need him)
Land near Yellowstone is cheap (pro)
But it’s near a volcano (con)
Flip a coin?
I do like my investor inbox, FYI
I want my own business cleaning shit no one else wants to do
“Phew that was rough but we got 3 bags done”
“High five”
Like I wanna help people who are nearly dead and dying – not die
I need purpose
Which isn’t working 3 jobs to pay the electric rent insurance
There’s verifiable proof immigration makes the rental and housing market increase
*do something / act abnormal to run your blog readers off*
*insert insanity here*
*program successfully installed*
I got John hanging in front of me, and dear Edgar in my rearview, in a puff of smoke, just loving the 10k hand I have drawn.
Werd.
I could use a real hand getting the apartment prepped to be stripped of this danky old carpet, and replaced with some fresh skin (lighter color too)
Don’t even know if I’m staying
LAUGHS
Immortally insane
Running through my vein
Edgar wants me to pick up a typewriter and get off this broken iPhone
I knew the phone was subject to break – but alas – even with these cursive powers – I did nothing to stop its fall
Oh shittte, it broke more than I thought
BABE
Fuck Apple, it’s a 6, I’m done selling shit – and jump off a bridge
But there’s poisoned sweet potato pie in the fridge
There is indeed, God bless, we’re gonna learn to make a healthy pie, but for now, poisoned pie for Valentine
*squee
Postnote: I ignored all the ingredients when I saw the price marked down to $2.50 with a date of 2/15. Said, “you’re coming with me”
But for real tho, don’t buy the pie
(It’s poisonous)
(You die, I die – but we’re not together, Romeo)
P.S.S.S?? Been rebounding my ass off (the rebounder fitness – resistance training – getting fit with gravity – weeee)
I’m two scenes on repeat currently – in my favorite film – Made in Heaven (1987?)
The one where he’s tossing his drink in the mirror / laying in the road screaming to God / Emmet “as himself” AND
Her, crying in public on the street – she got arrested too – dark days ahead
Welp.
GOD: if you don’t find each other, you’ll both be miserable
God: there’s no guarantee you’ll come back
Me: YOU TOOK MY LIFE
The roses are dying / cuz I’m done trying / the crow is black / his heart tarmac
*insert another copyright here*
I wore a t-shirt to the medical clinic once – with Poe on it – and the technician asked if it was Hitler
Millennial or GENZ
I sighed and said “Poe”
“Kind of a popular stash then tho, huh…”
“Hitler”
*makes awkward attempt to continue on with life wearing such an offensible shirt*
(Wonders if others mistake Him for Hitler too)
*creepily laughs
These motherfuckers are in charge
*nearly chokes on the air
*tries not to die*
And in a more recent attempt at “getting out and socializing”
I ordered food – through a drive thru
It wasn’t busy – I had time to count my cash – fuck the elite – you wanna be a cashless society and track me huh – fuck you – cash everywhere or boycott
Him (another Millennial/GenZ): why did you give me so much money!?!? *looks at me stumped like I’m stupid
Me: what do you mean!?!? *looks confused / haz brain injury / why am I so stoopidd
…well, I, gave you MORE to get the big bills back…
Him: *clearly confused – counts the money – proceeds to hand me a ten back, a five, and some silver.
So apparently I’m not stupid. Just pre- computer age.
I once had to work at registers where you needed to know basic math – to count change back
Remember when they upgraded the register to tell you the change back
MY GOD they made us beg and groggle for those jobs!!!!!!
“Don’t discuss your income in the workplace”
FUCK YOU
I mean, Happy Valentine
Burn in hell
*insert shitty photo of me here
I don’t want to see myself in the mirror – or on my blog currently – tho I haz space now
I wants new blog
*stomps feet*
I wants better home
*if I buy the land / will you buy the home?
Tell me, I need to know!!!!
A rose garden / an iron fence / him dressed in darkness / at my defense / our first kiss / give me this
I have gluten free parts / unless you count my farts.
I run my visitors off / like a cap I’m twisting off / Kiss them with scoff /but first to read their blog.
Sweet kiss of oblivion – heart like obsidian.
I gave him my love / still he / tossed it in the mire / made me walk on fire / like I’m some liar.
Why would he love a dead red sea / is that what I’m becoming / is there good in me?
Left behind But forced to go on Through the grime Delete my life Rearrange the pie Crunch time
He’s interested in the context Not the poetry but my point next He gets into the prospect What makes me sad What I detest He’s like a mirror what I reflect
I woke up with money, and I mean a lot; Unless you think ten grand is not.
In the far recesses of your heart, moving forward and backward feel the same
If you’re gonna reset the deck Don’t write the check Force your hand instead Erase the bet Need savings to your neck
Montana Mountains Call of the wild Throw a dart I’ll drive there
God recalled Every little sin One of God’s flaws
Find me in the attic Uncovering mirrors Acting erratic Unlike the flickers They seem more static Visions are clearer
I’m usually not wrong with my calculations unless it’s math Then I have to ask
I don’t know what hate is / I’m only torn by love
Heads up: A lender reported that the status of your account is now current. Drifting but determined. Maybe we’re learning. But watch for what is coming…
The message on the soap bar reads E S C A P E The ghost in the mirror says the same
Snuff out the circus From steering wheel One hand will surface No face but purpose
Maybe John didn’t pray hard enough He didn’t crawl hard enough He didn’t bawl long enough Maybe John had given up…
I’m taking out the trash – The neighbors “entertainment” blaring from the car window is worse than what’s in the bag
Children are heroin to a pedophile You shouldn’t leave ANY MAN alone with a child (public counts) They do it in a crowd
Avoid the stock market Unless you want – Your savings to plummet
The way that monster extended his hand for me to walk The trust it took to cross
He stands in the doorway Dressed as darkness As death Thick as a highway
He rides Like chance is his market In a blacked out Chevy Crying my name
I read through the fine print You must’ve gaslit Or put an asterisk*
Chill out babe People need to eat
They should be chasing me Like a current But the crickets are chirping And nobody knows it
Green yellow red Tartan His favorite, he said
Final curtain call Last watch before the fall
He treated her with little worth Even when she showed him mirth On a broken earth
Going out on top, in the middle, or none It’s all the same sum
He said he needed her She prepared for the apocalypse The lies eclipsed between his lips Lunar light from fingertips
You wanted – You were denied Like spear in side Not dignified – Hope you like the ride
Today I asked myself, “are you okay?” But the reply was, “I’m not sure…”
(Tell God I’m lost)
Kidnapping season has arrived Better hide so I don’t die
I fell so far down the rabbit hole I nearly lost my soul
The Devil greeted Said I looked mistreated Gave money then pleaded “I’m welcome when needed”
(True stories from the pawn)
🙂
We wipe every trace Of any mistake
They tremble when I enter room Eyes spell doom Searching soon But for who?
“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”
MY LABS ARE FINE
You lie, I lie. Eye for an eye.
Professionally paranoid Not me, another boy At least one is getting paid for
“Life jackets worn Nobody mourns” But my vein pours I’m the Queen of Thorns
Some of these poems deserve their own little graveyard.
Queen of Thorns – Merrie Magdalene – maybe God wants me with no man
I missed his cues. Trembling in my blues. Set a trap or two.
Does he know how hard it was The darkness He wanted to turn me into haunted
Thanks for cutting the cord on us You were really dangerous
He’s unstable Like a megabomb unlabeled He cut the cable He’s so ungrateful But gave me the label!
He pulled the plug Couldn’t handle my love Thinks he’s so smug But I laid the bug Lesson comes from above!
Sucker!
GENX – the absolute favorite
“FAIRLY YOUNG – not 400 pounds” (could he be anymore of a pedo tho) (asking for a friend)
(Sorry – autism is real – my thoughts have sound)
His hand is cruel But the trap I laid was too
There was never any other The devotion was always him Every single hour I had given in
Money in the wallet Money in the bank Money sweet like chocolate Money in the safe
The self-sabotage trap was set It shone like gold To a thief – made his tongue wet He lost his foothold Have I won the bet? Did his black heart fold?
THE DEVIL STUDIES ME
What deed does this warrant? Keep my soul stored in storage
I NEED A FOREST
His hand is too stern For an Angel He should’ve waited his turn He’s cutting lines in hell
“Not competing” Even when I’m dreaming Though I don’t know his face Or where I’m leaning
You terrible fool.
She complained but then He had her condemned Didn’t like her dreaming Couldn’t call her friend
This page no longer exists You’re careless!
You’re not a king – Your word doesn’t mean a thing!
Disgusting john Gone first dawn Dream was wrong He’s a moron
Dreams and fantasy do not occur at the same interval
Dreams in mirror are closer than they appear
How to get rid of a ghost during a self-sabotage attack:
[ ] Step 1 – tell him/her you dreamed of another
No child left behind Except – I’m in decline Falling further in line
You need me so bad huh Prostitutes are the only one to see your face (get dinner too)
“God isn’t here”, he implored! But did I not give him everything he was asking for? Endless love – But still I gave him more.
No one can join, no one can leave Thank you for releasing me To the wildebeests To the north and east Do you love me least?
Despite all them hours given – I didn’t earn enough to maintain my blog or equipment Unlike the prostitutes you are paying – a decent living…
TO ALL – the shoe fits
“I’m not gonna make it”, she cried “I know”, he yelled, as he cut the line…
(People never mention that he loved her from the moment she walked in the room and said “no you’re not” or that he killed that one guy closer in order to save her, or how the dad said he should be making babies and he next found her on a wild excursion – love is the anomaly sure sure)
Will she even be alive when he gets there, or will she too be crushed by a landslide – like how he cut the cord on her – to fall into a black hole – Murphy’s Law – gotta leave something behind
God gave him everything Including an an angel with imperfections The way other poets had written She made him smitten Left her in a ditch then Rode away with his riches Wondering if love’s where he’s wishing The endless bitches…
Who gave him the right to punish her with such effect that her wings were stripped and her gift neglect?
He cut me loose Didn’t know what he would lose
She was an angel in hell Half-virgin Overworked and overburdened Though lesson not emerging His hand reflecting serpent Now heaven can’t be summoned
She fell down in a pit of despair Called a timeout – He responded, ‘fuck off farewell’
You foolish fool Pride got best of you
He cut his only lifeline to heaven Didn’t to count to seven
Three times I would be denied Stayed by his bedside Over mortified Underpaid but hoping he was satisfied Now contemplating suicide
He pulled the plug While I was alive and breathing Telling world what all was needing To keep on being
Did you forget your heart or something? Lying on the floor? All I hear is banging – Coming from my door.
You’re not anyone to build a foundation with – Because you have money I have a little bit
The fat sun hung its head lowly
The answer is still no Keep knocking though
He doesn’t know if he made the right decision – and he’s right – he really didn’t.
The way hopelessness trickled like a wave I watched him climb into our grave Facing death I’m brave All I can do is turn away
You don’t know what you’ve done Immaculate fool Trap set for one And in you flew
He needed me daily So I pulled away greatly Especially what I learned lately How they pay prostitutes for “dating”
The way you left In uncertainty Waving like a theft But claiming clarity
The world ain’t paradise He misreads my lines We’re wrapped in knives Covered twice in lies
Shared finances? Forget about it – More like failed romances, Where I commit.
Hard cock but weak heart
He left me with nothing Took the rainbow and the rope I’m barely coping
Took the boat See him atop the waves floating Going directions I ain’t going
Some days you gotta stay down
He had a speedboat She had a canoe He cut the cord Near the waterfall, too
The Devil – I didn’t know he was so easily triggered – Who would have figured?
Excuse me, I’m in the middle of self-sabotage, Why are you requesting access?
What now honey? You broke the truce
He fell into my trap And that’s a wrap
Ask him why I left (he’s bereft)
Fuck! Why is he knocking? Hasn’t he just left? He hasn’t been far walking! And now he’s got requests!
I shared special parts of me I never shared with anyone He took advantage of my generosity Now he’s on the run
Our city is a barren waste With heart like desolate rock In a howling state Give me the glock
I thought I could never live without “man’s best friend” Until he turned demented Hailed from a demon A head that’s fed
I loved you Any way possible There wasn’t any doubt A wide open ocean There wasn’t any drought
He’s got demons on his back An angel full on attack In an order of the fallen His heart is black But I bet – He can hear me calling!
I know where success recedes I hope God notices my little deeds Despite making mistakes in excessive speeds Crawling headfirst to sacred needs I know where hatred breeds How repentance precedes
The way the forest was crying. So I tossed out a homemade trail mix. I swear I hear tweets of “thank u” and cute little calming chirps from the squirrels. When I hear crow arrive, I boldly and loudly say “CROW” out my window to greet him/her. A couple evenings ago Crow said something and a kid loudly yelled “shut up” to the crow.
Also a kid violently threw away some trash and I saw a squirrel fly from the bush onto a tree – in fear.
So all things live in fear here – thanks to BLM ✊🏿
Someone was loudly playing a “pussy” song out here from their car.
Charming
An abandoned wildcat is terrorizing the squirrels. We have 6 or 7 living in the slums now.
Being homeless might not be so bad in the summer.
There was a tent but it was sold at the pawn.
Along with all the other cheap shit that didn’t mean a thing.
Been tossing perfectly fine hardback books away in the trash.
Yet holding onto some book with torn pages.
I’m to blame for the ripped pages.
I place value in things I shouldn’t.
I deserve nothing.
The weed stopped working, and God doesn’t want me disassociating anymore. Boo.
I spent a load of money buying hardware and now they decided to stop selling that hardware and they replaced it with new hardware so you can’t replace the batteries and recharge or anything like that and so like I’m just done with the goddamn bullshit everywhere including my phone
They want us to pay for the phone – and the service – and the storage – and now you need an account or an app to read or do anything
It took a shit ton of effort to delete my PapaJohns account – had to call them – took them several minutes of jerking off – and supposedly it is done. They are selling your data, to the enemy. Tracking you.
I just wanted to order pizza man. I’m done ordering pizza. Cool beans.
And then, if you don’t keep all these apps updated, they’ll just keep changing their policies, spying on you.
Bombarding you with ads “you will buy this”
Newsflash: energy is not endless like the sea. Those in power are delusional.
NASA is delusions of grandeur
America is selling sex toys in front of children everywhere, and me! It’s disgusting!!!!!!!
Fine! Starve me on the cross! I refuse to participate!
The weed don’t work no mo!
The eddies. The flower.
Long time ago homegrown lasted longer than this overpriced, GMO modified junk!
Tier 1, tier 2, tier 3
Fuck all that
And… the kicker… having to pay to enter a “medical building”
I have to jump through the hoops to get to my legal weed, but y’all are selling sex toys in front of the fucking childrenfor “health and wellness”
And apparently on the street, they’re selling junk as well and you get sexually harassed and your goods stolen
Where the fuck did the mindfulness and community unity go!?! You could smoke a joint a be set for a good 7 or 8 hours in the 90s
Meet up at the tree. Break time. Wee
I don’t even wanna go to the movies or go to the restaurants or buy anything because everything is fucking poisoned and everyone has a goddamn attitude
And they want a 15% tip for ringing you up
Bitch, you didn’t even greet me nor were you smiling
I worked 3 jobs with a smile…
Gentrification exists
And NASA and Hollywood are the same entity. We can’t expend all earth’s resources getting to a dead planet – we probably destroyed with bombs and fearmongering
We killed off the dinosaurs too
Narcissism and nihilism is killing off everything
I’m sick to fuck of crying…
The day is starting
There was no sleep again…
“Scientists” continue to say that we are in a sixth mass extinction (new world order agenda) but overconsumption is due to narcissism.
I’m tired of environments being destroyed for a fucking shopping mall that will be a abandoned in a few years
It’s clear the enemy took over America
Give it time, the church will be selling anal sex toys for “health and wellness” too…
Get it off the icecream truck
Probably cheaper than the icecream these days
It’s all conditioning
One gen to the next
It’s a utophian nightmare
We can’t leave earth!!!!!
Stop killing her!!!!!
The divorce rate is 85%+!!!
90% of all murders happen by men!!!!!!
Wake up!!!!!!!!!
Please father, don’t let me die on the street
Down here with all these demons
“You’re gonna die of a good time down here”
WHEN!?!?!
The gaslighting 😩
Can’t even watch a film
Throwing out all my band memorabilia in the trash bin 🤩
So apparently, I’ve ran more people off again, and this time it’s because I was busy… 🙃
Busy having a midlife crisis
Laughs
Dear Edgar,
We’re the same
With love from hell,
Your daughter!?!?
With Love From Hell (new book title idea but no idea has ever been my own and Google is broken)
Still fixing the mothership and vessels
48 hours ago was so intense
In the eye of the storm now
Gonna make upside down pineapple coconut cranberry cake today (with nuts and seeds)
Gonna eat it all….
I don’t know why I crawled deeper in the hole
It’s scary down here
No one could save me
STOP 🛑 ✋🛑 This section of the cave is not worth exploring. 2 people have required rescue.
Scratch that idea
Let’s close the cave for six months and make a new map without the dangerous location. That’ll keep em out.
6 months later…
John Jones crawling around with a headlamp from his childhood because even with strict entrance rules, the management was narcissistically terrible, and though quick to victim blame, twas managements fault. He got a promotion and award for killing Jones, FYI
“Why did you put me here?” John Jones (love you bro)
When there’s so much intensity followed by so much calm.
Make cake…
With coconut milk, coconut oil, coconut flakes.
NOM
Just a box cake glorified
Whatever they did to the medicinal, it doesn’t work for me anymore.
Florida is trying to make it recreational
Which is good cuz I’m done paying the state every 7 months to enter a 🏥 building
Fucking criminals creating addicts while modifying and poisoning the goods – it ain’t natural anymore – or generationally grown. It’s lab designed and shit. Stripped everything good out of it. Waste of time and money. Money drain pit.
And if you live in Missouri, you have to pay the state extra money if you want to grow your own weed, because fuck this establishment
“Globalism will be great” they said. I wasn’t convinced in college. I was right.
I lost all my worth, but Jesus has loved the worst
The Moon A dead star God’s mirror Of a big scar
The start and finish are harder than the middle But I’m not with good with riddle Games that cost so little Will leave your soul so brittle
Faith can neither be created or destroyed It must be born Crippling sky torn Heaven scorn
“Love is the anomaly” they wanna kill it all Watch God fall Satan’s protocol Written on the wall
I’m judgment call Duly sworn
It’s what we wanted Hell responded Despondent Regret is constant Trust not an option The cost of conscience Into the sun a comet ☄️ Blame me I done it But the sun won’t quit
I’m sincere in my insincerity I’ve done stopped caring Veins swollen from crying Waiting on the greys from climbing
I’m not moving to Astoria A town of euphoria
Urgent! Your plan is going to expire! Like your book, it’s going in the fire! It’s time to retire!
I made an experimental toasted coconut almond lemon cranberry pound cake – and I love cooking thangs God grows. Even melted 1 teaspoon of butter and squeezed an entire lemon over the butter – added zero sugar – and glazed the top of the loaf with the sugar-free lemon butter nom.
My life is a mess and I might soon be homeless but today there’s a lemon loaf God bless.
The shit at the deli / bakery is poisoned. And they are charging triple to murder you.
My loaf was made with love, 3 eggs, coconut milk and coconut oil. I tried to better it. Especially with unsweetened coconut flakes, cranberries, and whole almonds.
My entire kitchen is ripped out and boxed up. My lease is up in April. I’ve no idea what’s happening next.
This is why Edgar wound up on the street.
And, I’m selling everything I own.
Do you remember that scene in Made in Heaven?
Emmett (playing as himself as God)
“Because of you, I can only smoke on earth now…”
I am a troublemaker but do not want to fall to Satan (sidenote)
But the scene was on the road and Mikey looked like shit
And Emmit was scolding him still and calling him a drifter
Mikey got offended and puffing off away from said stranger accusing him of “only being able to smoke down here on earth” and “a drifter”
“Me… I’m drifting buddy…”
Emmit demanded, “where are you going” and with a puff of the wind knocked him down
Put his foot on him and told him he was running out of time to find her…
That entire scene of Mikey ripping off his cheap, fake jewelry and throwing his cup of beer in the mirror.
So the reason I am so sensitive to sex toys being sold in front of children is because I was sexually abused as a child and my therapist kind of brought this point up to me yesterday, but it was a revelation point – like oh – I started crying.
And I am extremely triggered being exposed to sex toys especially when teenagers and children are around (my recent experience at the mall for example – I’ll never return). Humiliated and frightened to death. I don’t even own sex toys. It desensitizes the area. It’s Satanic (sorry not sorry) (manmade not of original design or use)
That stuff was always behind 21+ adult stores – behind black walls – the secret backrooms have become open orgy in the street.
This isn’t the same country I fought for. My values don’t match with what’s being forced on me.
My therapist has seen the worst of me and is proud of me. FYI. I’m like okay but there’s holes in my wall…
It took a lot to stop disassociating just to figure out what my values were and I know that they are not being a band, groupie propaganda whore, or sex bot
I have done some stripping in my life yes. But I was terrible at it. They all wanted more from me and got pissed when the answer was no. Pretty bias exists. The money no. I was rated a 5 in my 20s. Laughs out loud.
How to get rid of mold? Evacuate the premises. Don’t build on top a swamp ran by an evil Chinese dictator slumlord.
Gentrification is a thing, and the Fair Housing act just means this:
Society is a scam
Base pay + give it time and they will start charging to wipe your ass
So forced to live in deplorable conditions – where white lives are in deletion (check the census asshole, it’s not just how people are reporting)
Black Lives Matter!!! White lives don’t!
Yay!!!!!!!
Being on fixed income doesn’t mean one can’t pay rent but now they are including all this other bullshit to keep people out 🚩
Who the fuck wants to pay $95 a month for cable reruns when the Internet is free?
Who the fuck wants to pay an extra $250 a month just to park their vehicle where they live?
Who the fuck wants someone else controlling their electricity and the temperature of their home?
The rich gents do. Gentrification. The Fair Housing act is bullshit.
Who the fuck wants to pay an extra $40 a month just to have storage space? Oh yeee a garage! That’ll be an extra fifty please. Go to jail. Do not pass go.
And… 100k in insurance for the cheap shit I no longer own!
$100 app fee ($25 in the 90s, it keeps creeping up each year) + now an additional $200 “admin fee”
Tell the pedos to get fucked
I’d rather live in a box
Than under BlackRock who are taking ownership of all the major towns and cities in the ungreat state of Florida, which has quickly turned to shit like California and New York, because the immigrants have fucking ruined it
I said what I said
Narcissism is a plague
Dogs were made in a lab in Asia and now they want to charge you for owning one in your home because pet rent you know and slavery
I hate living here as much as John Jones hates that cave
The map is hangman everywhere I go
And now they are fucking with the Second Amendment and trying to take our guns. By creating rules on who can own one if plagued by a mental illness (that they caused). Just like they changed the definition of a woman to benefit man. Anything to get closer to the children. Porn could be censored like our free speech. The way Elon Musk can censor a picture circulating of himself that he don’t like. Too much control and power. They don’t believe in God and they think they are gods. Just like they edited the Bible to suit their agenda. Condition you, change the rules. History rewritten before our eyes. But as long as you keep hitting your vape pen and being poly cuz lgbt is a cult and Satan is in society.
This timeline ain’t even real. Manmade traps to serve man only. They fucking hate women being in charge of creation and are destroying everything and plan to edit dna and rebuild a new earth where they are gods. It must end. 90% of all murders happen by men. Honeybees have a 50% reduced lifespan now thanks to gene editing. Human population is also down.
Doctors aren’t your friend. I’m not here to make amends; judgment hour: angel. What’s hard to comprehend? It’s hell or ascend.
Follow me if you wanna go off map and get lost….
RIP John Jones (as above, so below)
(What’s happening to me, happened to him)
Patterns are key to survival. Don’t ignore warnings or red flags.
The Great Void isn’t real. I want it to be but then I studied it. It’s made up to fit their expansion model. The Big Bang isn’t real. Science is fake. “We create our own reality”. Computers can’t feel. Please wake up.
I sold my TV.
I might be selling my military uniforms, but then I think oh my God, how fucking suicidal am I now
It’s this or the mold
I’m trying to escape gravity
Mold comes from the deep void
But the void ain’t real and we can’t leave earth
Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct
But now the honeybees are at 50% half-life thanks to science 😍
I watched a demon toss a live tree in the trash. Christmas is over. No remorse. What’s next to own and/or destroy? Fuck the poor. Fuck the white.
You see me in tinted rose Colors of the rainbow The world falling so My angel tears glow Sorrow from the window Living death row
It’s so far the surface Drifting without purpose Focused on worthless Heart is hopeless
Tomorrow he’ll be gone Like sunrise The moon withdrawn This ain’t Babylon
Any offer is a good offer You took a chance to be The only way to prosper Escaping gravity
Double hex I’d rather die Than live With this mess
Hurt him to save him Carving out main limb Synonym Heart felt grim He’s original sin
Game over For us Merry Christmas 🎁🎄🎁
Gonna go after him With everything I got Stomach not in a knot Sky clear as thought God’s in your parking lot Spitting snot Your time my clock Tick-tock
There is darkness here Crows and curses Unwritten verses Tears like cashmere
THEY WANT TO COMMIT ME BECAUSE I KNOW THEY ARE MURDERING ME
IT’S A HITLER DEATHCAMP INSIDE THE MEDICAL SYSTEM
I FOUND THE ENEMY EVERYWHERE
BRO, POETRY ALL WEEK FOR YOU
I can’t sleep at night for what they’ve done to us
To what they’re doing
I fantasize about digging you out
“I want out”
“I hate this cave”
Bro, I’m so angry at the folks at the VA
I’m fantasizing about *insert positive context*
Recovery huh
You’re 400 feet from the entrance 100 feet below
Tattoo your name on my heart already
I’m coming to get you bro… come hell or high water
Don’t want the water, already contemplate some shit like that happening digging
“What the hell is that sound”
Desert floods. Welp.
Do I need to worry about gas being built up down there?
I have no problem dragging you out one bone at a time
He literally doesn’t want to be down there
His last will and testament verbally was he wanted to be broken in half to be pulled out
“Break me in half”
They dropped him on his head instead 👍👍
Tied the main pulley support on some clay
AND
Jerked harder when everything was going just fine
“It’s working, it’s working, pull harder”
WHY CHANGE IT UP IF IT WAS WORKING
GREAT RESCUE Y’ALL
Terrible management
Two kids got stuck there in that same section 6 months prior and it took like a 10 hour rescue and instead of marking that territory off they made a new map with MISSING DANGEROUS FEATURES
“I’m not where I thought I was…” John Jones
Well let’s go ahead and victim blame OK
See it in every article
NARCISSISM IS A PLAGUE
And once our enemy gets the people with the paychecks to kill off us then they’re going to come kill them off
Sometimes I want to let the darkness take over
John Jones died on Thanksgiving so
THAT IS WHY
Also, might’ve kinda met while I’ve been dying
“I talk to dead people” tearfully
Anyhoo there may be more poetry about the shit happening
His story is the icing on the cake in this hell
Nobody should be jealous of a dead boy (new band name)
I wish I’d hear news of your death I’d be winded Overcome with giddy You think I’m kidding?
I’d start a committee Organize their pity Piss on your city Sorrow is silly
He likes to use the word “our” But I’m not allowed in his yard At any hour The wind blows hard
I need to bunker down Spend six months alone Get out of this town Let him feel the undertow
I’m reactive Chemical explosive proactive Positive attracted Faith compacted
“Baby’s not allowed to see” Words said cruelly Cut right through me Trust left fully Got nowhere left to be
He wants me in a red bow Lingering low Black night and espresso Staggering combo
He’s not a friend He’s a one-way street To a dead end Devil called “shotgun” seat
I spend too much time and money for simple validation Guys are cheap There’s never a rose or coffee waiting But another message complaining they are aching Meanwhile, bills are paid and fridge is full – none of which they are responsible for None of them would pick me off the floor So I’m closing my own door
It feels redundant Swimming up a current I know I’m not stunning Losing’s unbecoming
I deserve the cold earth Rotting in the ground Born with so little worth Not gonna stick around
All my special items I ordered from Shein have shipped! 🙂 I really do love the quality of the material and items I buy! Got some more limited edition stuff from ROMWE that will not be restocked. Plus special XMAS eye candy treats 🎄
Got 2 sunshades coming for my Jeep. My God I discovered the woven pot hangers and they are gorgeous and well priced. So future home makeover stuff will continue, I need real plants on my wall. Maybe start with 1 or 2 and see how I do. Plants purify the air and the good spiders will have a new home. Please stop destroying everything. Animals would evolve and live longer if science and man wasn’t involved to tax us to death and destroy everything natural and organic that God made. I’m sick of BIOENGINEERED foods, GMO, “natural flavor” (it’s made in a lab by scientists who are putting it in EVERYTHING – IT AIN’T VEGAN)
Last night I uploaded some stuff in my story – the paid one – and I received a big tip! That’s cool. Thank you! 🙂
I’m trying new thangs!
I write and make all my content fresh, thanks for allowing me to live and express myself.
I got a new lace veil today at Spirit Halloween but would you know they were out of their infamous bleeding candles here and at every store nearby! Sold out! So wasn’t able to score another pair, nor will they have any at the huge after Halloween blowout sales lol
New lace comb veil (because she kept poison in the comb and this is a black comb lace veil) MINE
I got a military discount today and will likely sneak back and see what the vultures left behind for the huge blowout sale
Box of tricks from Spirit Halloween 😈
But I still have one candle unburned and one that I just lit for a set that is still more than half (and now they feel even more special for the set I’ll use them since I wasn’t able to score any replacements this season. Boo)
Sometimes I score tee-shirts (plain but black or green or some other color but 100% cotton or near)
New lunchbox from Spirit Halloween
I really wanna save my dough for Dolls Kill and Shein – see what I can grab there this time – got my trick or treat shopping in early tho at Spirit – and with that military discount – but dammnit if they didn’t have the ONE THING I WANTED and really no point in going back but I know I will 👻
I do like grabbing the journals and the home stuff at discounted prices and I did score a really cool lunchbox that includes a poem 🎃
I can use it when I take my walks to the beach and park or travel wherever OR as a keepsake box or to store my gun in 🙃
It’s practical and my first real lunchbox since a kid that doesn’t look like I’m going to work or a hike. But remember when lunchboxes would have really cool things inside them (kind of like vinyl records).
😈
Oh and I got a new skull for the bookshelf 💀
And my military discount paid for those decals but I don’t know if I can use them in any of the photo sets on onlyfans because we’re not allowed to use blood, or say the word blood, or bleeding, so I don’t know if I can have bloody handprints even though they’re decals 💀
I can use them to decorate my Jeep tho or a wall or put it on forever furniture – I DON’T KNOW
I HORDE THINGS LIKE A SQUIRREL
I WAS INVITED TO A HALLOWEEN EVENT THAT INCLUDES PRIZES AND A SMALL MEAL
I RSVPD
I HOPE I GO 🎃
(Please go)
(I’ll let you know if I go)
(Free food even if I win nothing I won a free meal and I wanna get invited to the bigger Jeep events on beachside on Main Street when ONLY JEEPS ARE ALLOWED TO DRIVE ON IT
I’m trying to be a positive part of my community
My little Jeep is old and it could win a free part but I’m not decorating it but if I go – I could go in a costume, maybe I might win something for it or myself, but still free small meal) (networking)
(It requires communication and I’m an introvert so I probably won’t go)
Or go but not leave my ride 👻
Also more writing and stuff to come
My poetry is so fresh it normally comes with mistakes (no editor). ☠️
Yo. I mean, I have more content coming. But I make everything hot. 🤪
I don’t use a poem generator.
I don’t have a husband who could be my poem generator (like David Gilmour and his wife write lyrics together, I don’t have that)
Curfew doesn’t apply to me ENCOURAGING I’m outside foraging Nighttime flourishing
Forgive my offenses Leaping over fences Soul consequences No shame dispenses
Maybe I’m like liquids My blood is wicked This tongue explicit Soul sin omitted
Cop and crow Linger on death row I got front show Walk with vertigo
You’re on speed dial? Definition of reconcile? My aim is hostile Sit down awhile
Eggshell or limestone Wait til I’m in prone Crawling through milestone Tearing down all throne
They are watching Dark eyes mocking I’m out here walking White girl so shocking
I don’t want to wear pretty dresses made with poison Competing against everyone and their perfect lies Even in death Forged and eulogized Casket closed The truth is never wide Silence on our face The dead won’t cry!
He is danger; know him like a stranger I react with anger Tunnel through the trigger Lock and load with vigor Cold as glacier I am endangered
I don’t know whether to be offended or withdrawn I don’t know the rules at all He’s automaton I dare not crawl
We can’t stop tomorrow Falling in the center of all hollow Black hole is sorrow Do you have hope to borrow?
And where I’m crawling narrow Do you really care though? Always chasing pharaoh Name sinner sparrow
I can eat a meal with Abraham Or Gideon Fight the city of Sodom Blindsided with no hand
They call me FALLEN Say my name – Never see me crawling Calling poison pollen
His self-worth Is wrapped in numbers and money Thinks darkness is sunny
Swallowed by sinkhole Earth on cruise control Got my spirit low I live on limestone
Love is a feeble and fragile fire Under denial He will still smile Lie while under trial Claim that he misdialed He’s a pedophile
I’m not interested in validation But more of if today I will eat a salad
Maple Blood of the gods Drink it in gobs Amber makes tongue throb Need it a lot Plot for my crop
He can’t believe he crawled into that hole Based on the lies he was presented His death could’ve been prevented He uses me to speak it
Lives are born and never recorded They are important
If eyes were closed His love disposed His blood runs cold Like death decomposed
The worst of all possible punishment Put it on a monument Pay the earth a compliment Nevermind where heaven went Paid with life and not one cent Left us broke to an extent You think dying’s intimate?
Well my hand was drawn at midnight 13 minutes after bad luck Tiny feet kick through sheet rock I don’t give a fuck
He’s glaring attentive The sun burning incentive He stands with attention Will burn through dissension
Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war That’s my rapport Put it on a flag and let’s explore The garden is what I’m fighting for
Photos from last nights try on session (so casual stuffs)
I’m still rearranging my bedroom and my bed is now on the floor and I gave my neighbor my lazy chair recliner because I’m still getting rid of furniture and might be homeless soon thanks to Black Rock dictatorship
You should’ve kept your mouth shut So deep my wound you felt the cut I guess you’d say you bleed somewhat If you stab in the gut
Sometimes I feel rushed The weight of a feather crushed As long as voice is hushed The praise will gush
I’M ACTUALLY NATIVE AMERICAN BROWN WITH SOME ALBINO AND SUN SPOTS FROM THE SOURCE
I bring you gifts Of all the things you hate Kick you from cliffs And blame you for the weight
You’re a savage and a servant You’re a lion and a lamb Lessons you never learned it And regret You won’t feel a milligram
Are you a gap in reflection? A two way mirror complexion? Can you give me protection? Such priceless affection?
I want to disturb the place you rest Uneasy under crest The earth must love you best Won’t let go your chest
I don’t follow the trends They lead to dead ends!
Long ago I was discarded Does faith keep one safeguarded God is brokenhearted Gone extinct his harvest I cry the hardest
Remove the harness Underneath the carcass Decay just a garnish Layer earth with tarnish We all die regardless
Top of the list huh Right next to “she is dumb” So above and below your thumb Better argument and income That’s the mirror you’re seeing from REMOVED MYSELF FROM THE EQUATION
A GHOSTLY INVASION
I can see through hell’s shadow He’s drinks coffee like espresso I removed self from the status quo I KNOW MY POSITION THOUGH
I’m up, you’re down? Quantum entanglement We wear it like a crown?
My gifts come with all the things he hates Open up these flooded gates Love obviates Nothing he appreciates
Tart Like black cherry Contempt he’ll carry Bag overflowing heavy Sin his sanctuary
P.S. I’m not giving up on the dog. We went for two bike rides yesterday. I finally got the bike out of the house. Most of the black neighbors looked like they wanted to run over me and one white neighbor stopped in his car and warned me that they do 90 around the bend and “be careful”.
I’m not racist I swear. (Everyone hates me for my skin color or my soul. I don’t know which anymore but the city IS dangerous and folks being murdered left and right).
They are targeting the disabled and single white girls. FYI (old people and generally anyone looking weak)
You taste of Judas Iscariot Betrayal you’ll marry it I’ve paid twice for sins Won’t pay again
144 awakening 7th seal opening Judgment hour No hoping (John’s still coping)
One, two See through all of you
Hell hath arrived THERE ARE NO GOODBYES
Oh, Princeof This World They aren’t your gifts to give Heaven rules over all but this God is the Void But Satan rules this world
I am a beggar Crawling eternally
Helpless to stop it Remove self from equation The devil is invasion I’m losing patience! Careful crossing occasion Will get stuck persuading Hopeful helpful information
Nature becomes conscious of itself through you
I NEED YOU LIKE ETERNITY Hell is separation I’M BURNING
If I die here Nobody will know I didn’t want to But nobody will ask you
Fallen Angelic Trying to ascend
Need him more and then Eleven hours spent Not bad omen
Number signs godsend I do listen And then repent
Foreshadowing But if he’s dropping flags I’m walking in Red carpet rolling With a halo full of sin God said keep walking But I want him instead
He turns me SOFT Like the Grand Canyon will flow Paradigm shift halo He owns my soul
I’m sorry he betrayed you A devil said to shrewd I think with gratitude The sun burns the moon I rest in solitude Black as blue But oh so devalued
I do not dream of labor The moon a gaper Place our love on paper He calls – I turn to vapor
We’re reaching terminal velocity Death is nearing Is this the correct speed? Thought you needed me?
He’s wrapped up in deceit Like a sheet Am I a ghost I am discreet
I’m without kingdom Guarding eternity Trident I’m not lying
WHAT LIES Beyond the horizon CRIMINAL EYES But the sun’s still rising AND I’M HERE FOR BLOOD
Touch me So the curse will lift Kiss me on the lip Keep me near your hip
More poetry and photography coming! Thank you for your interest in my content! I work hard at it! I hope you are enjoying the Halloween theme! Lingerie bodysuit by Dolls Kills! 🎃
I just dropped a set on the OnlyFans! 40 photos! Like when PlayBoy did 18 & 36 page spreads! SAME! 🤪
I’ve been busy writing and working out! I’ll post behind-the-scenes soon!
It’s BOO season!! 🎃🎃🎃
I’m ready to dawn the Halloween costume daily! I wanna go on a hayride!!!! 👀
All my content is original and I do not use an AI generator to write my poems nor do I scour the web for overused images by others. Sorry not sorry!
In makeup and filter 🤪
Thank you for your viewship and feedback! Highly appreciated! ❤️
I’ve broken into too many pieces to collect And sin he is buried up to his neck
A demon ran past his curfew Patience is a virtue Hard work is what I do Truth is taboo
I misinterpret perception The book of hope is deception Misguided direction Waiting for insurrection
I know I’m headstrong I read the data wrong Hang head low on throne “144” on the headstone
I’m tired of the overrule Narcissism How they always ridicule
The banks block the poor from spending hard money earned Well if you transfer this or transfer that They’ll track every move you got And God forbid you have extra dough You’ll be met with a spending limit yah know!!!
Raw + edited photos on the new OnlyFans! I’m still on the leaderboard! 🥰
I dropped a new set last night and I am utilizing the “Story and Hightlight” features as I got/still get penalized a lot by Mark Zuckerberg and at least now I have a safety zone to do drops!
I have lost so much weight from detoxing and my little skirt is a medium and I clearly need a size small now (which is fine) but I was panicked and freaking out because I wanted my hair down and I didn’t do my pigtails and blah blah blah – I can always find a reason why the set could have been better but I received my first tip 🤩
So I stopped beating myself up
I’m getting a rebound session in soon but I want my morning coffee first today
Yep
I drink water all freaking day and all night, let me have a fucking coffee OK, I’m 5 pounds, I’m gonna have a fucking coffee before I work out
I know that sounds different from what people do but I’m doing things different down here in this timeline
I’m so annoyed that somewhere in the world right now the year is seven years back and I want to jump into that fucking timeline and have a baby
My clock is ticking and I keep asking it to chill the fuck out but it is in overdrive 🤪
I don’t want anyone hurting any children
But I started my period at 13 and I should’ve been allowed to get married by 15 and have 12 babies with my husband the way my grandmother did with hers
Immigration absolutely has been a Trojan horse and I’m fucking horny, deal with it
I’m not out there doing anything to disrespect my potential future husband though and if he’s worried about me stripping to pay my bills or to keep a roof over my head, then he’s too vanilla for me
As far as I’m concerned, the OF is as good as therapy
I get to express my art and not get penalized by the dictatorship out there
They did steal 20% of my tip tho 😑
I AM SO GRATEFUL I GOT A TIP AT ALL
But there will probably be a poem in the future about how the establishment is stealing the tip money of its hard workers
AND I ABSOLUTELY KNOW WHY EDGAR ALL POE DIED
HE NEEDED TO DEBUG
Like apparently the entire population
I already got a load of dishes washing
About to get a coffee going
RELAX
REBOUND
REPEAT
I’m anxious for my LED bike lights to arrive so I’ll probably pump up the tires and make sure everything’s good to go
THE SUMMER HEAT IS NOT GONE
But early morning and late evening bike rides are about to start
You definitely need lights riding in the city and bright colors sometimes isn’t even enough because I’ve been out several times in bright colors and still have almost been ran over several times with one person coming back to acknowledge it and saying “that was really close”
And I was just like “it was my turn” 😑
I’m gonna try leaving the lions den again
It ain’t safe in any capacity
Which is why I am actively boxing and packing mostly the entire rest of my house and trying to get the master bedroom, closet, and bathroom together, so at least have a little apartment area to not go mad
GILLED AND WITH TEETH. PHOTO BY ME FROM THIS VERY AM. 🤨
A DISH SERVED COLD 🤨
DANGER SHROOMS POTENTIALLY BEWARE (all photography by @poeeternal)
Thank you so much for supporting my content or reading my blog or just being a positive influence in my life overall because I know that I’m toxic and I’m working on that
Prayed for all of them and there’s more on that list🙏
YOU BLEED ENOUGH AND THEN THE BLEEDING STOPS
You won’t get my forgiveness
I’m not here for that
Also! Thank you for the belated birthday moneyz! 🥰
There’s such a warm feeling inside knowing I’m shopping for soup thangs soon
Also, I’m giving Walmart pickup a try. It’s free on orders of $35 or more
I’ll let them shop for my groceries again. Only this time I will drive to pick them up. They bring it to your car.
I won’t have to deal with the COVID crowds or mask up with a partial working lung (the left lung is doing better and I’m taking deeper breaths now, hopefully not the death call)
I may do a sunrise livestream from the beach this weekend on my TikTok
There’s a lot of negative dark energy here in the city, I’d like to avoid
I JUST WANNA BE HOME
It’s the worst place I’ve ever lived but for now it’s the only place I want to be
I’ve been moving my furniture around in my bedroom though and now I have a new view
I’m searching for a decent mattress topper because I’m sick of sleeping on wires
I think I may have finally found one without all the bs
They only have 2 inches but it’s decently priced and it’s gotta be better than sleeping on these fucking wires
I wanted 6 inches and the 3 inch egg shell + 3 inch memory foam but they don’t exist anymore
They keep trying to push the products with infusion in it which will dry out eventually and make your bed crack and I don’t want to sleep with chemicals
Anyhoo
I think I settled on that one and it’ll be decided on next payday
I may take a peek inside the actual Walmart but I can’t stand going inside that place lol
CROWDS
UGG
GROSS
I’m nearly ready to start sleeping on my floor tho
The bed I’m sleeping on was donated by the church cuz my stupid ass went homeless briefly during the government furloughs and hiring freezes
I love that I studied so long in college for a job just for the government to stop us from working and give all of our jobs away to the immigrants
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🇺🇸
MADE IN CHINA INDIA MEXICO
(Native American slave)
But the black Americans want me to pay financial repercations for propaganda crimes I never committed (nor my bloodline)
GET IN THE FUCKING SEA
I will go AWOL if you don’t stop taxing me
NASA IS A FRAUD!!!!!!!
WE CAN’T LEAVE EARTH!!!
I’m hungry thus hangry but not so much cuz the cart is getting full soon and the free pick up makes me less anxious to shop myself
I never worked at Walmart but damn that would’ve been a much better job to have been picking out other peoples groceries, taking it to the car, or even delivering it to them, that sounds like a fantastic way to spend eight hours instead of just standing there scanning shit nonstop without a break
In England, they sit down on the job to scan your groceries…
I fucking hate it here (in America)
THE GREAT SLAVERY
THE GREAT WALL OF DECEIT
THE GREAT PYRAMID SCHEME
I think I may have a Bible here or two that might be worth putting on eBay
I’m kinda having difficulties accessing my account tho
And I’m fairly certain I locked myself out of my Facebook on purpose
So Mark Zuckerberg will be selling my data permanently forever without my permission
Same thing is going on with my Etsy…
I’m done with this fucking establishment
They shouldn’t be allowed to update their policies and add stuff like that and automatically have it selected yes for you
BUT THEY DO
Also, I’ve started receiving mail from spectrum again and when I called they said it was automation so the rainforest has been cut down for fucking spam in my mailbox that I don’t want every goddamn day or any day!!!
THE ONLY ESCAPE IS GOING AWOL / GETTING A PLOT OF LAND WITH MY OWN COMS
Luckily, I know a Soldier or two an expert in communication
LUCKS
They will come when I call…
When I went homeless, some of the officers I shared a foxhole with was offering for me and my pets to come stay…
I did not go but alas I was homeless in 2017 for 4 months
Still climbing out of that financial hole
I lost my entire Thrift savings (retirement) + regular savings just staying afloat
Should have cut the cord sooner
Thank fuck I got discharged before the entire “you must vaccinate or get kicked out dishonorably” bullshit occurred
Stay strong y’all
I didn’t have a husband or family to fall back on
My head is still kind of a mess from everything especially getting a vaccine injury but I’m in deep therapy trying to recover mentally physically everything
Appreciate y’all so much
I want my own little bit of land so I can start helping others and pay it forward
My mortgage payment would be way less than my annual rent increases
“Yeah but you have to do everything yourself”
Oh thank fuck, I don’t think I can handle hearing the Mexicans blow the leaves around the goddamn parking lot any longer
READY TO JUMP FROM THAT BRIDGE OR GO AWOL
(I’m going to use the birthday money to get groceries so thank you)
Psst I’m not racist. I’m tired of the policies being changed to benefit other countries while America becomes a third world country
I’m allowed to complain about the country I fought for
Rotten fruit falls by itself If you’re compelled Don’t bid farewell
Could you drop good news with the bad? Could you learn happy just means sad? Could you leave but still come back? Or are you ever planning that?
There he goes again Slamming the door! And I still don’t know What we’re fighting for!
Where did your will come from? Was it bought from the sun? What will you become? Is your will firm?
John,
You should have kept your head in the book You should have took a second look You should have chose a different route You should have crossed a bigger chute
I know I’m not what you need That’s why you keep walking away I know I’m not what you bleed That’s why you have nothing to say
Been down a ways Get little praise Been down always Been down always
I made a mess Of these prison walls Out of order The sad owner Of these pitfalls
I am the still of the lake With underwater currents circling The whirlpool in your eye full of hate Forgiveness won’t be surfacing No mercy at the break
Why does weight cause gravity? Like my love for you You will disappear But I am stuck like glue?
Last seen Smoking on the Bayou Got the deep blues Gonna cut loose
Restarted just to leave, Alive just to grieve, Got what you need? Stop bailing on me!
If I could do it all again I’d let you be my influence Blood to pen Influent
Jesus: didn’t you say he left your bed?
Yes.
Jesus: and he won’t share a slice of his bread?
*feather tremble 👀
He slams the door He makes an entrance He begs for more He is relentless
I love him for awhile Drop bombs and act hostile I’ll love him for a mile Send invite then exile
Narcissism is a plague Wildfire like my rage Your flag is acting vague Say what you mean to say
I’m sorting everything I have Every single thing I own Been logging too much weight I’m never feeling home
Been crawling with my skeleton I’m getting out of prone I’m turning on the lights I’m heading for unknown
I’m tired of washing clothes I hate to wear I’m tired of open roads Of just despair
The aftermath apparent Like an errant animal It’s so overbearing The way deep space Won’t stop starring Or acting like He’s not caring
118 pounds Can barely afford a smile He goes by too many nouns Won’t you feed me at the fairgrounds? I might put on a frown A tear for the clown Wearing a hospital gown Starving little cloud
He knows my birthday without a doubt I just haven’t figured it out
You kneel I heal That was the deal
We have to make order out of chaos Forget about the hard loss Betrayal is a hard bust We never quite will adjust
I’m going through metamorphosis I gave no notice Guess I’ll change my coordinates I am the cold porcelain
Dear John, I’m still spitting in a cup But I haven’t given up Lost my way and now I’m stuck Guess I haven’t any luck
Re: Mark Zuckerberg Someone silence that puppet Put a bullet in his nugget Don’t ask, Don’t tell who done it
Label created Clouds must be elated Happy belated Words I never stated Love’s overrated
Eventually you get tired of – The papers piling up Evidence of – I never gave a fuck
He’s always causing so much ruckus I’m losing focus Gave my two week notice He’s close to homeless
I’ve got decades of mail unopened Obviously I’m barely coping?
I’ve been lost in my own shadow Falling down every hole
She told me on the phone You weren’t doing good Felt good to my bone You suck at motherhood
I don’t know how we let it get this bad but we did We’ve been in fight or flight mode since a kid
Do you count the times I visit? You and the Devil in business? God as my witness I’ve been acquitted
Love don’t match the physics The rock is livid Are you good at listening? Do you think it’s christening?
Do you even miss me? Feel the hatred crippling? The hours wasting The Devil is your painting
Weapons and fingernail polish Gifts for a goddess?
There’s a river flowing through the ocean That’s where I’m going Omnidirectional I’m never chosen
What am I supposed to do father Sit around and watch in haste I watch the whole world spinning While their soul goes to waste
Murder attached to bad management Let’s call it “an accident” Near the tomb inscribed “very tragic” John Jones would claim it
I’m pretty good at bad decisions There is faith but no ambition The mirror’s not what I envision I wear a cloth but hate religion I’m making friends but not with wisdom Prayer feels like only wishing
I’m still pulling his hair from my creases He’s still putting together his thesis Wrapped up in all of me Until all life ceases
I’m cleaning out my closet I’ve got monsters on the run The walls they’ve got my claws in Digging for the sun
Hit the high ground Don’t want you around But wait don’t go Guess you can leave slow I don’t want you here But you mustn’t leave the show
Taking pride in my belongings Put a reign on the longing
Homes should come with manuals Basic do’s and don’ts – we’re animals
I don’t think the Mall should be selling adult toys. I went in for a cute hat, now I’m traumatized. Anal plugs and vibrators right next to the Lava Lamps. 😑
I transcribed your dream The message read: BE STILL But there could be a landslide On this hill Careful where you’re putting Down your gear And maybe ground your fear Just be still You need courage The end is near
I love you.
I’m living in a parallel universe Four simultaneously The search for purpose Only finding curses Weathering leather And bloodied verses Unholy wishing Gaslighting nurses Controlling lightning I come through circuit Rarely truly surface Far reaching Angelic Though sun a furnace The Devil’s hand is sternness I’m too damn earnest
Homeostasis The racist call me racist His poetry as an oasis I’m running out of patience
Invite only I’m growing lonely
They’re planning an invasion The Asians
It’s like he’s pushing me to the edge So he can follow suit And if I leap from the ledge It’s something he’ll pursue
Dating is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store
“Problem loading content” Not sure where hope went He’s rarely present These halls are haunted
My hair is 1000% homegrown from my skull yah know… (I’d let you be the keeper of my bones)
I need less resistance But I keep pushing the distance Confusing the algorithm Changing logistics
And he’s persistent Budding appearance Creating division Swollen and twisted
How to not fall into a pit – I haven’t learned it
There’s a spider living near me He keeps building webs And though I’m surely cleaning He knows my habits well (true story)
Every mirror is haunted with my reflection
I’m suffocating Crawling through your mines 120 meters inside 30 feet below a deadline
How to create healthy boundaries instead of building walls? How to find stillness instead of crawling down the halls?
He’s sabotage Removes my camouflage
One second applause Then next dislodge
Knows just what I want His hand will taunt
I got your message Unintentionally I felt your presence Was it meant for me?
Earth will become hell I’m holding the seventh seal All of heaven will fall silent I’m not here to heal
My closet is full of dead dreams The drawers filled with hurting The handles broke and dirty I’m over 40….
I was born with an extra vertebrae I got the death jab They altered my DNA Feel I can close hell’s gateway The more they order The less I obey People dropping dead Next month is my birthday Some call me evil God I won’t betray
He’s running circles Watching me evolve Climbing crimson skies He knows how hard I fall
Fall down seven times Get up eight I’m morally bankrupt With a penny on my plate
It’s like I’m crawling into a sinking ship, and he’s dying to come with…? 👀
Sometimes he leaves me breadcrumbs of where he’s been Maybe kisses of magic Maybe stitching in havoc I’m here idling
I’m looking at star trails And I’m burning all my matches Leaving webs for what he catches Or a map leading to more spells?
John is down here with me I talk to him like he’s living
These guys out there buying fake diamonds And truth is like silence
Have you found the secret book? It’s a world of deceit Well I’ve ripped your pages Feel incomplete for what I took
13 months of 28 days
With an added day of resurrection
13 constellations
Hesitating every direction
365 days of lost conception
SEPT equals seven OCT falls on eight Allow me to elaborate
NOV enduring nine DEC is ten JAN means eleven Your eyes look just like heaven FEB is twelve I know you’d love me if you didn’t serve yourself MAR ends with thirteen April is for birthing! (the starting one) Now count them up April is the first month We’re living a different time
APRIL IS THE FIRST MONTH, THE CALENDAR IS 13 – feel free to check the star charts – the sky – whatever you want – 13 constellations – tell the Devil he’s losing time – he’s not getting mine 😈
The truth don’t lie – Neo open your eyes
SEPT MEANS SEVEN NOT MOTHERFUCKING NINE 👍👍
13 x 28 = 365 (you’re welcome) (don’t forget the plus one to grow on – resurrection)
LEVEL UP ASCENSION GOD MODE ON (humbly and universally) (you die in the Matrix, you die for real for real) (have fun)
Shut the eyes of trespassers The sun is down all day Antarctica is turning red My tongue careless what to say
Can you lead me heavenwards I don’t show lines of grey But you’re like a figurehead I am lost either way
He’s like a shutter rarely open Torrential rainfall in the forest If your lens is in focus We’re really hopeless
Freckled spots among the leafless Limbs are growing Though we’re porous
With constant flooding Accumulation of our fears Without love So malnourished
Nothing but a debris field I hope he lives here Larger than the ocean I really need him
self-portrait circa June 2022
You’re a sentinel program sent to destroy Age 36 but still a boy
Go through the ceremony but don’t get the certificate Get married but don’t have the state involved with it Give them details but don’t get specific Crash into depression, but tell everyone you’re terrific
I’ve got a bad attitude but maybe I’m not bad And if you see me smiling, it’s likely that I’m sad
God or wild beast – my prayers heard the least
He seems to hate me with contempt The lines were crossed Up went a fence
The sign read not welcome Whatever I did I forget
SHE KNOWS I KNOW YOU KNOW WE KNOW SOMETHING OR SO
We are the Bermuda triangle 🔺
Intense radiation heat can leave behind a shadow. Poetry or portfolio. You are my meadow.
All the laughing, excitement and sensationalizing on someone’s sorrow; They don’t have a moral compass to follow.
I’m basically housebound with this illness. My health is up and down. My mental health is suffering. I continue to practice mindfulness but I swear I feel my depression is growing worse. I’m practicing gratitude more. I’m trying to live in the now but it’s growing extremely difficult with the current establishment. I’m lost but then I’m found. I’m compassionate and then I’m swimming in darkness and hate.
self-portrait April 2021
All the neighbors are getting along. Hello we continue to mumble. We’re getting letters on our doors on if we’re in “good standing” or not. Everything is a dictatorship. Every turn the burn of a whip.
AND I’M FUCKING INSANE
I might as well start coloring the walls.
I am simultaneously moving and not moving at the same time.
“Well, this can go in a box, we won’t be here forever”.
“Well this might as well get put away, we can stick around for awhile”.
It’s a fucking insane asylum in here.
But, I’m working on getting my extra bedroom organized and re-done.
I got my trampoline back those motherfuckers stole my goddamn fucking key and lock.
And I mean this was a lock I didn’t want to lose, I even got the CEO involved and those motherfuckers stole my goddamn lock anyway.
I got to lose sleep, several nights of sleep, over the fact that my lock got stolen.
Every conversation to God: “this is hell and I’m a monster” 😩
I don’t know how to be a human, I don’t even know how to exist in the same room as another person.
Shit is deep
I don’t even know who you are and I can’t live without you.
I’m a mean girl
I don’t wanna be nice
But I’m in intense therapy which extends outside the office visit hours
It requires constant self-reflection and control
It’s exhausting and not at all easy re-programming yourself to not be self-serving
Or completely fucked up from previous traumas
And I got to continue to hear on TikTok about how women are obsolete over the age of 40
Women have been obsolete since they started their fucking periods… 🖕
I’m getting back to rebounding soon tho – I rescued my trampoline and I’m gonna go back to rebounding at home. I am small and petite but would like to work on my booty gains. It won’t ever be picture perfect. I’m a mama with stretch marks and saggy boobs! ✌️
I don’t really get to play the role of mama tho unfortunately.
I don’t get to be a human at all.
Your porn and propaganda is working.
Shame you don’t have the willpower to be who you were meant to be.
And I’m sick of everybody with the same personality. It’s a cult. 👀
I want to play dress up again and be more proactive in the blogging community but I’m still fighting for my life.
And I can’t help but cry about the state of everything.
And your poetry brings me life.
Are you performing anywhere?
Do you appreciate your fans?
(*whispers* please do an audiobook so I can fall asleepto you)
You feel that way too, that women are obsolete over 40?
He said we can all have our cats 😑
I’m trying not to disappear so – it would be nice to hear your voice for a change instead
You do everything so perfectly how hard could it be
I’m over 40 so I’m supposed to be obsolete now but I don’t even have a grey fucking hair
*jumps from bridge*
But that great white has been revisiting so I could just you know take a dive out there into the ocean- it would be really easy to get swallowed up in that tide like that 14-year-old last week or that great white who is taking bites out of Human’s
He’s big too
What a way to meet your fears
I’d probably have a heart attack before he’d get near
I freak out just seeing the tide at the seawall 👀
I might be out there in the morning watching sunrise
I’m always cleaning but the house is never clean He explained his reason but I don’t know what it means I keep on dusting but there’s dust thick on the screen I read his poetry and consume it like proteins 👀
I call to him Through wind and pen And like the Tower of Babel He’s comes crumbling
I’m not allowed to communicate with him in any form So the moon grows full And the earth will storm
Still detoxing. Still having chest pains. Still emo as fuck. Still up and down with my sister dying a few months ago. Try having your blood sister die while you’re in the middle of a fall out with your entire family so you will never find closure.
Men treat me like a sex object
I’ve never had a father/husband/brother figure
But I’ve had many proposals, “you’ll never have to work again…”
As if, cleaning and cooking isn’t work
Or raising a child, managing a household
As if taking care of a man isn’t a job
“Women got it easy”
And worse, if they think you are pretty, they think everything was handed to you on a silver platter, because beauty bias exists
Furthermore, men don’t want a friendship with me, they want sex. If they aren’t getting sex, they’re good as ghost.
I don’t cast stones I throw grenades I check for backbones But not here to save
I’m not Jesus Ask not of forgiveness Got light of Venus But I’m not Jesus
Look at him all mighty Judging from his throne Only wants the children He can do no wrong
He never shows me love, just judgment With him, I’ll never reach the summit
I don’t want to talk to him about the Holy Spirit He ain’t anywhere near it
I still talk to him Through ink and pen Through thick and thin There and hell herein
How do you go from creator to singularity So sparingly?
My brain is an artifact Don’t have a heart attack
I follow The voices in your head Every murky shadow Leaking trails of thick red I’ve met the dead Down in the Bayou Your sins are widespread Walking on gravestone I hear the cries where the wind blows I hear your echoes on the radio
His smile is an ice-shelf breaking free
Put up a plaque for my humiliation What’s the will of a freemason?
We need to watch our agreements Human not demon Give God a good reason
Gonna start using the gym where I live. In an attempt to work on my booty gains. But I’m still dying and cannot go hard.
People are dropping dead by what I have.
10,000 steps and gone.
I think it might be a better solution than bike riding since I almost got murdered twice in a week but I will not be giving up my riding because I need to listen to the birds and get the fresh air where I feel free.
Not secure. But it helps me remember what I’m fighting for. Why I’m fighting for humanity, including my own.
And I’m currently in my own personal hell.
My spirit has been broken and I am only a fragment of what I could be.
His poetry, that is absolutely 1000% not about me (?), gives me glimpses of who I am.
Or want to be.
There really is no difference. I live in his mind. He’s my sanctuary.
I hope it’s his arms I get to crawl into and die, even if a word is never said.
I want him to be my final avenue and I want him to lay me to rest.
No other.
He must hide my body from the establishment. Give me back to earth. 👀
Not prematurely. I’m still putting up the good fight to live but that’s not where my thoughts are.
I’m still red flagged at the VA for being suicidal. The very very bad kind.
One slip up and I’m off to the funny farm via the pigs against my will.
And I’m a Soldier, not a rich boy, we eat mystery meat.
And I’ve always identified as Native American and I want to find my tribe and get out there and hunt and slay a buffalo, so get off my dick
His path leads me to the Garden of the Gods Like lightning rods
His heart is hard A place to guard
I radiate the potential for havoc Learning to control the devil’s habit
Pain is covered with calcite, tissue, and muscle I chose to be invisible until one day I clearly was
How do you have so much resolve to be so hateful
I am dust and cloud Unploughed Shrouded in form Ready to be born
So what! You got caught looking! You crawled into a planted trap! It’s humiliating! The world doesn’t give a crap!
Society is breeding evil The devil in control But I’m so tired of cutting people That do not have a soul
Dying is a ceremony
Beware false prophet Poison product
He’s nihilism Keeps soul in prison Never first position
I’m color-coded Disorganized and bloated Sorely hated, duly noted Born foreboded
I’m a threat everywhere My beauty, my scorn I give up on everything But then I’m back again reborn
Watch your step One regret can lead to death
JOHN JONES WAS MURDERED
The breakdown is the breakthrough
I sometimes see him in the mirror Confused on what it means Wish vision would appear clearer Then I’d understand the hope he brings
I wish a man would make me feel like a woman But instead, they beat and hold me to the floor; Tell me, I’m not worth fighting for
Society is an echo chamber
We live in a closed containment The earth is what we name it
My own hurts are a form of hell Complete discipline to be well
Father, please do not let me deny him three times
He appears like a soul mirror A waterbed with daffodil He is Lake Superior The calmness and the still
I go in circles when I get lost It’s disconcerting A personal holocaust
The slow delay in becoming
I have a hard time connecting to the devil’s circle An open world And he’s a lure Traversing the obscure He’s at my door Constantly banging Begging for more
I’m flame and fire The netherworld The scent of death I still can’t feel things yet
I’ll give you the grand tour But there is no cure And do I not know you well? You fought for insecure Now you’re not so sure You’re all impure
I remember needle and thread I wrote the book on dread Your main desire Well look ahead Goddess or prior I think you should retire Those images in your head
Lord almighty someone sent me a donation and I just spent it all on food! 🤩
I’m talking fresh organic meats and produce! Scheduled to be delivered today! And I don’t even have to worry about anybody stealing it because I have to sign for it! Now the delivery charge was more than what I was making when I was working as a Lyft and Uber driver but…
My wheels are down – but apparently the Walmart marketplace now delivers! And – because I received such a nice donation, was able to purchase my food for the month!
I’m not ashamed to say that I have been living month to month off of food donations from the church pantry and the Salvation Army, which I can no longer get to because my wheels are currently down, so this donation just allowed me to be able to buy some food and have it delivered!!
I bought the part I needed for my ride! I’m only 19 no’s away from finding someone to help me fix it finding the courage to fix it myself.
The good news is, I did fix my bike!
But, we almost got killed riding yesterday. A car nearly wiped us out. Despite me waiting for the traffic signal to signal and flash WALKING.
Surprisingly, she turned around and came back
“Are you alright”
“Yes but that was scary. Thank you for coming back and checking on us”
“That was close” she said
She was a young driver and probably will be much more careful coming through traffic signals from now on because she nearly took out a girl and a dog on a bike
I told my dog that she was not a demon because she came back to check on us and I know that was hard for her to do
I guess we had a guardian angel looking after us because she was flying
It didn’t matter that I had the right away and I even waited a second to make sure there wasn’t any traffic but
Food is incoming
Chicken. Turkey. Beef. Milk. Bread. Eggs. Cheese. All the things! 🤩
The things I never get from food donations (rare).
I don’t know what you wanted me to spend my money on but food is absolutely a priority and a necessity in my life and not junk food.
My dog is also happy and behaving extremely well for bike rides and soon-to-be good homecooked eating
I’ve been deep cleaning my apartment because my name is on the lease and I’m not going anywhere because God wants me in the Lions den
I discovered that there are a lot of churches in the nearby vicinity that maybe I could start riding my bike to
After all, this broken heart of mine has already walked 5 miles in the last couple weeks
We live in hell and I don’t trust any of these assholes because they would jump you
Two people just got arrested out here where I live and one of the guys was out here yelling that the other guy was a pedophile
I think it was two children though that got arrested because they were trying to defend themselves you know because they were being threatened to have their fucking lives demolished by the psychotic adults
“I got it on film” he yelled
And the weekend is just getting started so who knows who else might get arrested
I’ve opened up all my windows for maximum effect
“Do not fear”
M’kay but like… Why did you make every aspect of life threatening?
Fuck you The curtain’s drawn After all Phenomenon Coupon or brawl? A paragon Cherry pecan? I can go on….
I know the places the devil has been How many angels can dance on the tip of a pin? Patience is growing thin What were your questions again?
The Great Wall of Deceit A common denominator Manipulator! The devil Or biggest crater Math a mediator Your greatest hater!!!!! Off my regulatory! Not see you later!
My nightmare wrestle with principalities in power His happy hour My faulty shower A moldy tower
I dipped my toes in the cold water of impostor syndrome Acclimation Though I’m climbing home Information His book a catacomb Where I roam alone
Is this poetic enough for you? Yes? No? Please respond.
There’s no ethics in science It’s all been compliance Conditioning for the all male alliance
The narcissism that’s spread across the earth I’m taking back my worth
*smells Lucky Strikes*
I’m living out of boxes Your thoughtful paradoxes I’m counting down my losses Organizing crosses
I can read the future Tongue will need a suture Slumped over in stupor You’re still a loser
I sit behind no curtains Maybe old burdens Cold and cursing
These serpents Feast on virgins I want to hurt them
Still converting God is learning
My spirit forms in verses Satan’s not in service
🤪
Living on love and loans Completing milestones
Fashionless maybe Factionless daily
It’s a set system of corruption
God is electrical Coronal ejection’s Stitching up my heart Solar flare to ark The light and dark Not far apart
Direction unclear. Nothing is near. Words echo ‘come here’. Stop living in fear.
There is no path that leads to my address
Did you once call me magic? Maybe full magnetic? Thought I heard fanatic? Maybe just pragmatic?
Can’t wait to go Thrift shopping again! New day and new month begins this week! Gonna try for store opening this round! Free thrift shopping for a year by the lord! 3 shopping days a month! 25 items each time! Books don’t count! 🤪
I’m not your priestess I’m not your saint She’s not a goddess You’re all insane
Stained by peat Sin beneath feet Life incomplete Gave up all I need
Moonlight is septic and cold The breath in your vein Not like solar rain
I think I’ve lost my will to survive Could bast in the sun I’d still die
Dead men tell no tales All these ghosts; I summoned back to hell
Heart is frosted Feet exhausted
Even the highest heaven cannot contain him
I never got a chance to say thank you It was implied when moon shun down on dream And I crawled out your line
Love never danced on a secret moon Such craters impact seam Though love is yours and mine
When he speaks Is it for one or all? Raising the stakes Good call?
We’re going to keep choosing stimulation; we’re in a simulation…
I once heard him speak With rolling thunder under my feet
They all write each other poems and send each other nudes behind the scenes (you know, for emphasis). The blogging community. I’m not that kind of girl.
The press is propaganda
Time to lift the red curtain It’s full of blood and you
I’m still on the TikTok under my pen and hashtag PoeEternal
All my life people demons held me down and made me believe I wasn’t an incredible creature
I’m only now learning to bloom
I’m prone to emo attacks at random
I see through all of you
You’re not as fucking secretive and mysterious as you think you are
It’s clear to see whose fucking who in every sense of the word
Still you haven’t got a clue
I know narcissist are incapable of remorse or reflection, is it kind of like an animal who can’t see themselves in the mirror?
Asking for a friendmyself
I’m all alone out here in this cruel world
I think God is in me
Or just the fear of life ending
Because once I’m gone, I’ll never be in this form again
I’m not doing earth again
If you continue to prove to me by your actions that you don’t want me in your life then I’m not going to be in your life
I won’t look back 🙌
I’m willing to help those who want help and to change
That is nearly no one
It’s just the same patterns repeating in morse code
It’s not even original
Cleverly put together sure
I’m ragged edges
And moldy
They use children as fleshlights
I know
I’m broken and have kinks that I’m trying to fix
God doesn’t want me to feel shame
But I’m tired of trying to connect to anything
I wanna unplug
Grow a garden
Play in mud
Leave mathematics on the tree
Writing and poetry
Mother Earth is my mother
We can’t leave earth
Van Allan Belt
Leaving Earth is a pipe dream and we’re wasting all of our natural resources so a very few can lie to you
I don’t get my information from YouTube
Since 1970, over 60% of everything has gone extinct
Narcissism is a plague
Make better choices
I’m completely disgusted by the gay community or any man who seeks to undermine femininity and the power a woman has
They’re simply jealous they can’t have babies or breastfeed (soulless narcissist)
They want to be superior and number 1
Asia is Internet espionage (Trojan horse)
The FDA needs eradicated, our food is being poisoned
Jesus Christ hear me now
The Bible was written by the Illuminati who serve a dark entity, are Pedophiles, run Hollywood, NASA, the government, porn
Turn it off
The sun isn’t bad for you but sunblock is
Gaslighting everywhere
On the labels
Coming from the Presidents mouth
I’m dying from the vaccines which gave me heart inflammation
It’s been a long, slow, painful decline
Some days I’m sure I’m getting better, and others I’m certain I’m near the end
Up and down
Just like my breathing and the temps outside
I hope I get paid soon because I’m out of medicine and gasoline and certain food that I could use
Holding the line
Mostly in the field position
And from my bed
Not doing much dreaming in this waking nightmare
I don’t understand what you want from me
Aside to make me suffer, which I do enough of
I WANT LOVE
From a safe distance
Do comply
I wish I were organized
But that’s not how the universe was created
Maybe over time I’ll display order
But uhm chaos theory
It applies
I break all odds
Until I’m lead into a dark cave where maps aren’t really what they say
The sign reads: HELL
You can defeat the devil in you
With sunlight, tree nuts (sorry if you are a dog or have allergies), water, cleanliness, good choices (mistakes not planned okay), positive vibes and energy, high frequency, forgiveness (letting go is okay), not hurting others because you’re bored and soulless and need a rise
Forgiveness includes yourself and it doesn’t mean you have to stay around people who continue to hurt you
It’s hard to break the sugar/starch/junk food cycle I know
It can be done
I drink mostly Florida spring water
And at some point the whole system may crumble and the source wants you to know that it’s OK if it happens because he’s given you everything that you need to survive, it’s just that the narcissist of the world have gobbled it up like hoarders and then they’re selling it to us at the highest price
The Bible has been teaching for thousands of years that our resources are limitless but they’re not
It’s narcissism
I don’t understand why growing up I was always taught as a woman to behave a certain way but now the gay people can just be like that in the open all the time 24/7, it’s just nasty everywhere, like orgy fucking vibes you know
Porn teaches terrible sexual habits
Alcohol is poison and causes early balding (hair loss) and early grey
I’m so hormonal
Like I’m 13 all the time
It’s annoying trying to control my sometimes out-of-whack emotions
It’s like ovaries chill
If I can get my health together I might try to squeeze in having a baby before I’m not able to have any more babies but like I live in hell, there’s only demons everywhere, they all wanna fuck your children and do
They wanna be demented and cheat
They want to do as little as possible so you will do it all
To hang onto some bullshit they sold you in the beginning
Cut the cords 👀
Save yourself
It’s allowed
Also, I never got a chance to tell you that in the beginning I always just assumed it was you who helped me with that thing that one time and I never did ask you I just came out and directed it and I know you don’t like when I assume things even though assuming is in my nature but
Several months later PayPay sent out some invoice that listed the donors (including the anonymous donors), which I thought was super shitty of them to do but alas
I needed to get that off my chest
Because it was super tacky of me to email you and I can’t like pay you back anyway, I don’t think that you would take it if even if I tried to give it to you, but even if I did send it to you I don’t know how that would go and it would feel weird even though I’d like to pay it back (how do you even do it) but also I’m starving and I’m still having to go get food donations so please don’t fucking hate me for being emo that one time and emailing you like I did when I was completely doped up outta my mind on big pharma, which I no longer take
But you helped me keep my ride and I’m eternally grateful and shall never forget
I’m so grateful I give you shit for it anytime I can and that’s probably because my daddy broke me in the worst way possible
It would probably be a whole lot easier if I told people I was a crackhead when I did those things, they probably would forgive me and want me in their life but when you try to blame big Pharma for your fucking actions it just doesn’t have the same weight you know 👀
Must be all the big Pharma propaganda advertising we’re spoonfed 24/7
If there’s any consolation though big Pharma nearly killed me and I’m detoxing from all of it
I do feel shame for my actions but I’m learning to forgive myself
I am grateful but I never lied
I never knew PayPal was going to do that either and they no longer even have PayPal Pool and it’s the only time I’ve ever done a donation campaign to try to save anything in my life
My soul is attached to that Jeep
And the lesson to learn is if I do lose everything including the roof over my head I can’t fucking die
And when you do die, you can’t take anything with you
And so I’ve chilled out on the road rage
The rage in general…
I’m having to learn to let go of a life that I envisioned for myself that I’m never going to have
The humiliation of being human
And constantly tortured
And I keep having to cut off those closest to me or those that I want to be close with
Most of the music you listen to was recorded in a frequency that causes depression anxiety and all kinds of shit and you need to make better choices so that you can get connected with the source and stop serving the singularity which is what the establishment serve AKA society
I know the things that I say are out there but maybe that’s because I’m from out there
I don’t want you to burn
I know you think you’re too far gone but that’s the devil that has a hold of you and you have to learn to be stronger than your current choices and you have to teach yourself better habits
I’m done crying and rambling because my nose is runny and I want to make beans
Those will take 6-8 hours and I never pre-soak
I’m all in
First of all they’re putting fluoride in everything and it’s terrible for you and if you stop using fluoride toothpaste your teeth will be healed within probably two weeks – mine were very very sensitive from all the sugar and crap I was eating but then I also gave up fluoride toothpaste and fluoride water and my teeth and gums are so much better- they don’t have like a cold heat sensitivity anymore! I guess probably within a month they felt so much better!
Stop using fluoride
I use charcoal and now I use coconut oil for my skin, hair, nailbeds
I love you so much and I don’t want you to burn
Stay in the light
Don’t be like Jacob 👇
He predicted his very death
Shame he wasn’t listening
Must’ve been all that horse tranquilizer crap he was on while floating around a manmade whirlpool, which was basically a big fucking dishwasher drain for a gutty
The camera work was terrible and I refuse to go down the rabbit hole to see if there’s any truth about his death (like has anybody been to an actual grave or seen a fucking death certificate or anything like I don’t even give a fuck that’s how you get viruses on your computer) but I did suffer through the 28 minute final YouTube video, it was terrible terrible camera work for a person who was supposed to be a photographer
About 10 minutes in I saw death arrive
The entire video was creep factor
Get you a friend like Jacob if you want to die
It’s really hard to be emo in the UK because of Curtis Ian and his suicide affected the entire country so being suicidal can look very different in my opinion it looked just like Jacob
Who everyone said did this stuff for views
No, he did it for drug money
And if he really wanted to honor his sister, he would have done it by living a life instead
Instead of swirling around a fucking whirlpool that is a drain
I reckon he felt safe in his swimsuit but then he decided to go under you know because he predicted his own fucking death
I get mad because nobody told me not to get vaccinated but it’s my own damn fault I crawled into the cave but also the fucking directions were gaslit
The establishment lied
And big bro hooked up with Asia and was bought out by Hollywood who now want to force the users to use his application (we warned about Asian espionage back in 2008)
If you’re on an android device you can’t even uninstall the Facebook application (which is why I’m no longer using android)
I’m prepared to not have a cell phone at all
And if the government is going to force me to have a number and to be a fucking slave they’re going to start paying me for it and not with canned food and shitty wages
Not with annual rent increases or keeping the housing market rigged so folks can’t buy
God gave me everything I needed when I was born
The earth has everything I need
You’re not God, you don’t even have any skill sets, all you have is influence, all the establishment have is influence, Elon Musk doesn’t even have a fucking degree
Self taught big whoop
Born with a golden spoon
Checks a spreadsheet every morning to see “women aren’t having enough babies”
Because he’s also in bed with Asia and India who have been cloning and serving artificial intelligence, human hybrids and conditioning us for it
People would rather diss me than hear me, people would rather put me up on a cross and crucify me than to change their ways
“He died doing what he loved”
What. You mean drowning?
I’m scared of the whirlpool my bathtub makes when I’m draining the water from it 👀
3 in the clouds
He had, at least 3 warnings from death, to get out – I counted and maybe saw
Anyhoo, I love my ride
Folks like me driving them around the city
You think I’m not any good with secrets but you haven’t given me any worth keeping (poetic)
Maybe it’s not I who is untrustworthy but yourself
And you only wanna surround yourself with extremely intelligent women who are also kind of like slutty and whoreish (have no self-respect)
It’s so easy to see who’s fucking who playing word clue
One side always liking and the other not lol
Old methods and new ones stick out like a sore thumb no?
I can see through all of you but not always with clarity (for my own sanity)
Gullibility gaslighting
But even plants do it
Animals play dead
Still, I thought I was acting like a horses ass until I saw Jacob’s story
Poor lad had all the wrong guidance
He even talks about it “being scary”
But you know how the force gets stronger towards the end of the drain when everything’s about to be through, well I guess after 20 minutes of playing around in it he decided to go into the actual tunnel of it where his wetsuit no longer had buoyancy because it loses its buoyancy underwater and then of course he got pushed down by the singularity
So many phrases come to mind: “stop acting a horses ass”
Hold your horses
Horseplay
But mate, it’s already difficult to breathe in water
You were suicidal and had a death wish
I wish you had better friends
Don’t have friends like Jacob
But this kind of led me down a whirlpool roadmap and then I learned about how dangerous it was to swim in quarries and rivers and I did this stuff a lot when I was younger so I’m just thanking my guardian angels…
I’ve done stupid stuff but never so quite as stupid as putting a mask on in a whirlpool – a mask which prevents breathing and sight
And his fanbase dared him on
You’re a bunch of demons
I’m still trying to learn the lesson for him, I’m trying to take something from his death
Other than the fact that he needed help for his drug addiction and depression, he needed better friends and people needed to be honest with him about what he was doing, that it was actually dangerous, he shouldn’t be doing it and you should get out
To be honest, influencers ruined fandom for me…
And now TikTok is trying to get the big-time Hollywood actors to get with the top influencers and it’s just not working for me, the propaganda no longer works for me, it’s never worked for me!
Going to church doesn’t make you a better person
Demons are obsessed with image
But underneath it’s all damned
Gaslighting 101
I love you but I’m not jumping in the whirlpool for you for views, I’m not sacrificing myself to the singularity and I want to live to be 101 just despite the establishment
Humans are meant to live a hundred years
The sunshine is good for you (especially sunrise and sunset)
PoeEternal 