I’m a Soldier. I kinda rely on the stars to get around. Kinda like a sailor. But now the stars can’t be seen and I’m too dependent on the air that I breathe.
But then reality sets in that I very well could die like my dad or Edgar Allan Poe.
*sobs*
Under the streets of Pariee in the catacombs – risking end-all for this photo of me with some of the skull and bones. And weird fact: this sort of stench is euphoric to me because I’m a vampire (well maybe it’s just because I’m like “every other white girl”)… And I got yelled at by two French Parisian guards for stepping on Jim Morrison’s graveTHANK YOU OH LORD FOR THE WHITE BLIND LIGHT (kissing the tomb of Jim Morrison)I had to lay down completely flat to get this shot of the Eiffel Tower on my 35 millimeter camera. Ahhh Pariee, I miss thee. Me on top of the world, having a right panic, because I’m afraid of heights, and the Eiffel Tower sways. I spent a few nights in Paris, but I don’t have many photos remaining. I’ve lived 1000 years. Vagabond. Unknown Soldier actually. ✌A shot a took from on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France In the rearview mirror with my 35 mm camera on the streets of ParisAt a cafe in Paris near Pere lachaise CemeteryA different story- that time I got to talk to Robby Krieger and John Densmore on a rock line for a very long time and then I got a signed CD in the mail by Robby Krieger.. Six Flags Belgium. That ride terrified me and I also got addicted to the Belgian chocolates while I was living in Germany and I was only 15 minutes away from the border of France. La la la
Okay, that’s enough of “getting to know me”. Yuck. Vampires prefer being elusive or maybe that’s just “every other white girl” I don’t know anymore, maybe all of my problems are due to the fact that I’m f****** “WHITE”… 🤔
Or maybe we all bleed the same and he’s just a fucking ASSHOLE.
And yes I’m still feeling some kind of way about being attacked for being WHITE and SICK with an ILLNESS.
And I wish he’d just come say that s*** to my face so I could drop kick him in the face with my steel-toed boots. Then I wouldn’t be feeling some kind of way.
I guess I’ll just have to put my feelings into another TikTok so it’ll get all of 5 views.
The person responsible for the stones and sacrifices. Blood vials and hungry vices. Wrong directions cost ultimate prices. Smiling. Our safest lying devices. The sanity will drive you insane. Thanks for another lesson daddy Poe.
Do you recall When you were lost In purgatory of the loss So numb in the dark No light or a spark How much I cared?
If you remember I held your crown I took your cross Through the desert and across All your sins at no costs Though your pain has been shared
If you flush your eyes Stop looking down Where your heart knows holocaust Clear the fog and the frost Find your soul where I’m embossed And stop asking where
I miss coming up for air After your words would knock the wind out Even now the winter blizzard of your cold shoulder is predictable My cries and shivers numbs the void My face with permanent icicles And yet the sun will rise and the rooster crow And in a circle you will go
I miss when your tongue was a rogue wave How you made time another dimension Every syllable unearthing a treasure I will be your clown in a daze I am still a slave to your will Feed me scraps so I can feel
I miss the g-force rush of synchronicity Felt the Earth spinning with every metaphor and ending When caution was but a dark cloud passing And notifications were promises of heaven My lungs would fill with air after moments of dying Joy was the fuel that kept me from crying
Were you planning a murder? You assemble letters and vowels like death Like the mercy you don’t harbor When I’m running out of breath
Did you know you’d be the executioner’s hand? Precisely in depth to know how it would land There’s a crater where my soul has bled Ashes where your words were tread
Did you plan a heist to gather the stardust? Were you aware I’d combust One tiny heart shattered As if it never mattered
There’s a dim dot glowing Where love was exposed There’s a heavy price knowing My soul decomposed
The emptiness settles over me like fog rolling over hills and mountain tops And space, there’s not enough to keep him from my thoughts He’s got the world in his hands while my soul it sits and rots Round and wound he tunes us up like we are clocks And reason not as simple as connecting dots So doubt fills my head now thick as clots
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The light cast a web of shadows and doubt Losing time trying to figure it out Forging through worry with rarely a shout Aging like oak and bitter like stout Hardened inside with lines showing drought Incomplete circles with no love about Roots growing weaker with every new route Clinging to hate though loving devout Feeling so lonely while lost in a crowd Busting down rules where I’m not allowed Wishing for once I hadn’t figured it out The trouble with eyes they come with a mouth The problem with fate it comes with a vow I’d gift forgiveness but I don’t know how I’d run today but I am still bound You’d look away but you’re still around Looking in others what we already found Feeling uneasy but knowing not what to do now
Juggling bills
Swallowing pills
Killing the feels
Offering new deals
Promising cheers
Wherever there’s thrills
Upgrading my skills
Prepping for chills
Losing our wills
Marching in drills
Love without refills
Laying in bed crying every night, And I don’t understand why it’s so hard to give up the fight. Hope is like the stars that twinkle in the sky; So far out of reach that the hope already died.
So blinded by looking back at what you lost Will let ego drown you no matter the cost The love I gave you is covered with frost Your future now fleeting without second thought
What was written was clear, so why now the fog The lines and rhyme between us – written dialogue There’s a number of them I could catalogue But now the challenge is loving any at all
I know I’m not the best, I wasn’t even worth a chance When another came along, you left without a glance And now you stand pretending we weren’t in a written dance And I guess denial and lying is now your final stance
Gonna stop writing cuz it’s not even worth copyrighting or subjecting you to my shitty poetry anymore. Save yer fucking likes for someone better. Oh, you already do.
THANKS FOR PULLING THE WOOL OVER MY EYES THEN FORCING ME TO BELIEVE NONE OF IT WAS REAL. THANK YOU
There’s nothing I like better, THAN WASTING MY FUCKING TIME.
I wish I could use people so easily as you do, and then disgard them. But worse, gaslight the entire thing.
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT’S EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED
I probably should take my lessons and learn from Sylvia Plath.
I keep a little nightlight turned on inside me called hope
I allow it to guide me when the dark is too blinding
When my knees are turned in and I am unable to cope
When moments are bleak and I require unwinding
It seems these days are darker than most
You say you understand but you don’t
You say you could help but you won’t
And Depression Isle is my favorite coast
Stability, what a fucking current you are
Ability, like a wave, I might get far
Tranquility, is a rather distant star
Humility, is as visible as a scar
You can find a trail of mistakes behind my depression And their opinions of me you’ll find are open sessions And the life I am living they’ll act like they can question And it’s nearly impossible to form any real kind of connections
So I keep a little light turned on in me called hope And on days of decline I grip it like rope And it seems every hour I am on a slope And it’s hard to believe I am alone on this globe
He gnawed on my soul until all that was left was a core of longing. And the seeds within were filled with his haunting. And like an apple being pulled by his gravity, I kept falling. He will take bites without ever warning.
Taking the long journey alone
It was quite heavy lifting the stone
But alas it’s done and I’m on my own
And it’s so black, I have lost my home
Is this life or just a tomb
Is there no forgiveness for the things I do
Is there not a seat for me in this room
Is there any reason for the things I assume
Are my eyes open or are they closed
I thought I heard agreement so who opposed
Did the page turn or decompose
Why were the actual risk never disclosed
Is this pain based on reality
Why does it still hurt when I dream
Why do my eyes leak when I bleed
Why am I not anything they ever need
I know I’m not her and I never was
But if you’ll excuse me I need more gauze
It’s going to take a lot to cover the flaws
And every time I fall someone does applause
Every single hour I go through change
But when I turn around everything’s the same
I guess it’s not important to love the strange
And when it comes to me I don’t have a name
I still have love for him on the inside I said I didn’t need him but I really lied And there for a moment I felt alive But it was just a trick of the night
Not even a demon could love this creature
My only goal was to make his life richer
But as it turns out I am just a creeper
And I’m not capable of giving him fever
Now I have this love and don’t know what to do
I thought I was a diamond or in his heart a jewel
I thought he was my knight, come to save me too
But when it comes to my life I had the wrong value
I’m so scared for that little girl
Who grew up abused in a broken world
By men who only ever used
Who never taught her love
Or how to be well
No one will care
Unless to get rid of
That little girl now five foot six
It matters not if love exists
For it has never reached her lips
Love serves only as a crucifix
Oh how I cry for her!
To her family a stranger
To the world a number
To death an anchor
I cannot save her though I tried
I must now stop being her guide
For I only seem to make her cry
And make her pain multiply
Oh how I hold her tight!
And squeeze with all my might
Her eyes blind from sight
Her body coiled from fright
She is a desperate, fragile thing
The gentleness of a morning spring
A seed in the dark in need of blooming
She is the breath of an angel singing
Oh how I know her aches!
I know her dreams and her mistakes
I know where her branches break
I know the thunder her cries make
Tiny frail hands always with blessings
Teaching others love was always the lessons
Helping others was always the message
But now it’s time to end the sessions
I got to where I never cry I can feel the hours passing by I keep the blinds closed from any sunshine It doesn’t cost me a dime To waste all my time It feels like the wrong design I still tell them all that I’m fine
Suffocate on all the energy Surrounded by negativity Completely numb without sensory Nothings ever bothering me Nothing to ever do, no one to see Married to my invisibility My soul a wasteland filled with debris
We’ve been lost on the same road
Making circles back again
We’ve been chasing all the ghost
Who will destroy us in the end
Along the way we have passed
Pretending each were a friend
How long can we last
Avoiding roads full of sin
What test do we pass
Where does the road to love begin
All the signs along the way
Point to never meeting him
PoeEternal 