Posted on by poeeternal

Ask My Heart

I take the outside, pull it in
Rope is tied but wearing thin
I have died and will again
Ask my heart just where it’s been

I take the inside, stretch it out
Now we both are filled with doubt
Tongue is tied we cannot shout
Ask my heart what it’s about

© Delia Ross. 2020

Werking. Writing and recording them rhymes.

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Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Invisibility

I look for him in places he won’t be
I’m not perfect like she
I’m not anything
Alive for humility
So tired of suffering
In cloaks of invisibility
Why does he torture me
He loves her infinitely
I am nobody
No one worth to see
I am dying

© Delia Ross. 2020

I wonder if he stopped buying her things if he’d still be seen…

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Replay

He’s only there to watch me suffer
Feeds on sorrow like it’s supper
Winter might as well be summer
‘Cuz nothing stops me going under

Please take me back to the beginning
Where just for once my life had meaning
My head was quiet and heart was leading
And doubt was sound asleep and dreaming

Scrub my heart ’til it’s clean
Love is now a fragile dream
Cracked and broken at the seam
Replay the start, end the scene

© Delia Ross. 2020

Heart broken in two
I wonder what it’s like to be cherished and adored

If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

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Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Worthless

What am I but a dollar for his bank
What am I but nickel and copper
Spit on me and clean me up
A penny is not a dollar

What am I but quarter and migraine
Polished silver for the poor
Wish on me, then toss me over
The rich horde it all but still want more

© Delia Ross. 2019

If you like my writing, please consider subscribing to my new Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal

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The Color Of Sad

She paints her face with sorrow
Showing worry lines for tomorrow
Her lips are the color of sad
Unkissed cheeks from love she never had

Her skin taste of salt
Where her joy came to a halt
And her hand is free from fault
And it’s love she’s never taught

Her hair is made of darkness
Her heart is now a carcass
Her voice has fell to silence
And her mind is full of violence

Trouble burrowed in her mind
And she’s running out of time
If it’s love she cannot find
Her soul will be an endless decline

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Happy holidays! I love you! xxoo @poeeternal

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Numb

If you climb the mountain of despair
I will greet you there
For my home is made of sorrow
And it’s found everywhere
No purpose for tomorrow
Here there’s little air
Watch him praying to the sparrow
Well, I still don’t care

Top, bottom, or in between
It’s the still same routine
Kiss them now or never
Been numb since I was fifteen
Blinded or with sight
Still can’t feel anything
With cure or a poison
There is no vaccine

© Delia Ross. 2019

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He Never Cared

Another year alone on this road I go
And why he never cared
I may never know
Eyes that often stared
No space for hearts to grow
Every moment shared
A price that I still owe
My soul forever impaired
Just want love to flow

© Delia Ross. 2019

You know, I still cry over the fact that he never even wished me a happy birthday this year and it was the only thing I even wanted. But I watch him tell other girls happy birthday. He makes me feel small and insignificant. He always does, he always has. As if he were born to make me regret ever being born. Crying now but whatever. As long as he sleeps at night, right?

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That Girl

Back to where I started
Love evacuates for the broken hearted
Now assembling all the shattered pieces
Fuck forgiveness, I have a grievance

Hopeful is the day I’m laying in a plot
Worry is the love now tangled in a knot
Forgiveness is a treat and I never have that much
Love is the answer but you’ve clearly lost your touch

Rewind, fast forward, start again
All I wanted was a friend
I found myself within your world
I guess I’ll always be that girl…

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Summer

Why doesn’t he care about me I wonder
Why does he fill my heart with thunder
Why does he disappear and I step with blunder
Why can’t I ever be his favorite number

Where does the sun hide when it goes under
Would he be interested in me if I were younger
Will his disease always keep him a runner
Can he crawl from his dark and squeeze into my summer

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 9 Comments

Doll

I won’t say anything at all
Cuz when I do I seem to fall
But you were there to watch me crawl
You were there to see me bawl

You, you wind me up like a doll
You pull the string and then I’m off
And then you act so appalled
As if it’s never your fault

You, you got me crawling up the wall
For what I did, I don’t recall
You like to see how I stall
My tears your favorite decal

© Delia Ross. 2019

Saddest girl in the world (self-portrait)
Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Lists

Depression worry not
Just divide your time into slots
Write a list of don’ts
Match it with the won’ts
Give the list a plot
Tie it in a knot
Care not where I rot
Then again on second thought
Gotta find that perfect spot
And then maybe it’s worth a shot
I’m a zombie: life and death is a constant postpone
It takes all of my energy just to sit here and moan

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oh my fucking gawdddddd, how many times have you heard, “just make a list” when you are depressed? I’m going to make a list alright and shove it up their fucking ass. I can’t even make a list on how to die. My will is not up to date. I can’t even fucking decide on a way. Or a place. And then, the dog… BUT I digress, somehow, if I just start making lists on things to be done (with dying number one) then my life would be in order, and if I just let God in I wouldn’t be depressed either, so says society. But if I tell my doctors that I want to fucking kill myself, they’ll take everything from me and lock me up in a fucking rubber room. Barbaric are the practices for treating depression. So, since no one can get it fucking right, y’all get to sit back and judge me from behind your screens, and some of you will even poke and prod me and then when I bite you call me crazy and you disappear. And since society has a hard time understanding that being depressed is not the same as being fucking crazy, the death toll continues to rise and I’m trying my hardest to jump on that fucking bandwagon. But, I’m too lazy too sick to even write a list of things to get done. And I don’t think I really want to die, I just want a friend cuz isolation is cold and dark and it’s kinda scary in here and fuck you for not forgiving me for biting you when you caused me to bite in the first place. Shame on you.

  • Get house in order
  • Godparents for pets?
  • Update will
  • Say goodbyes
  • Write letters
  • Pick outfit
  • Method of dying?
  • Location?
  • Famous last words
Posted on by poeeternal

Loss For Words

Take my hand, replace the pen with blade
Remove the smile and put on the ache
Close my eyes and pull down the shade
Memories are better when they fade

Take the ink and spread it on my pain
Ensure the tears are gone without a trace
Organize regrets and hide their face
Erase the love that’s written on the page

Say amends but never say goodbye
The space so far he’d never hear me cry
If I could take his pain you know I’d try
And if he ever wrote I would reply

© Delia Ross. 2019

having feels

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Tower of Sorrow

I am stranded in a tower of sorrow and I think I might need saving –

from the curse of a broken heart –
and how he left me alone in the dark –
but even worse drove a metaphorical spear into my side –
ensuring that my spirit died –
ensuring heaven was denied

Put a moat around my tears and get this blackness out of here

I am at the tower of sadness
Every hour in this madness

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

Devils Sea

Voice is gone
Voice is gone

Sail has stalled
Voice has gone

Moon was wrong
Nights are long

He never called
No sight at dawn

Her heart is bald
He’ll just discard

Voice is gone
Nights are long

No him at dawn
He’ll never call

He’ll never call
Voice has gone

“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea”

If only I could be everything you need

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oceans of sadness
The end is all inside us
I made it through the night… again.

“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” is a common phrase amongst sailors referring to a dilemma of sorts but lots of artists have covered it. It’s one of those things I wish I had written and I tossed it in after this was written so I can’t say that it inspired it. It just fit in. And thus I can share cuz you may not have heard of it. It wasn’t a prompt but maybe for you it will be. Now see, maybe I’m not so worthless after all…

Posted on by poeeternal

Nightlight

I keep a little nightlight turned on inside me called hope
I allow it to guide me when the dark is too blinding
When my knees are turned in and I am unable to cope
When moments are bleak and I require unwinding

It seems these days are darker than most
You say you understand but you don’t
You say you could help but you won’t
And Depression Isle is my favorite coast

Stability, what a fucking current you are
Ability, like a wave, I might get far
Tranquility, is a rather distant star
Humility, is as visible as a scar

You can find a trail of mistakes behind my depression
And their opinions of me you’ll find are open sessions
And the life I am living they’ll act like they can question
And it’s nearly impossible to form any real kind of connections

So I keep a little light turned on in me called hope
And on days of decline I grip it like rope
And it seems every hour I am on a slope
And it’s hard to believe I am alone on this globe

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Cold Front

I wear his absence like a blanket
And when it comes to understanding I fake it
And his cold front blowing in is just climate
And the winds that haunt this space are now quiet

The gentle summer rains now bring on the hail
And the path to her will lead to the place I fell
And the lakes of love are now frozen underneath my veil
And all the memories he left me were just a tall tale

The grounds are frozen solid where we used to roam
And the heart running wild was captured in his tome
And the girl without the love never found a home
And if summer will come again remains in the unknown

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Exiled

Take my fears to the lands where they cannot hide
Take the lies to the clouds where I say goodbye
Keep my hope buried deep in his mountainside
Hide my love in the deserts where I cannot confide

Watch my tears grow longer than the Nile
And deep does it go my denial
My doubt standing erectile
Got my shadow in exile

Down here in this maze of lows
The number 0 is what he chose
I swim his river of woes
Like it’s the only direction I’ll ever know

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal

Prozac

I told the doctor I don’t want to be issued Prozac
He guarantees, it’ll help the things, my future lack
I told the pharmacist, I had things I needed to get off my back
And with a smile, or a devil’s grin, I reached and took my sack

I told my friends, I’m sleeping well, though an insomniac
I tell them still, I’m up the hill, but I can’t relax
I take a knee, and pray to God, that was the climax
Both depression and anxiety yelling back at me to face the facts

© Delia Ross. 2019

Sidenote: I don’t really take Prozac but I could throw at you a slew of other prescriptions. Though I’m advocating for medical mary to be written for vets…because truthfully, it’s the ONE thing that works (and I feel less like ripping someone’s head off). If vets had access to medicinal mary, there’d be less suicides because big Pharma actually does make you more suicidal and so the propaganda and fear-mongering against that plant needs to stop *pops pill*

Posted on by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Eyes Open

Taking the long journey alone
It was quite heavy lifting the stone
But alas it’s done and I’m on my own
And it’s so black, I have lost my home

Is this life or just a tomb
Is there no forgiveness for the things I do
Is there not a seat for me in this room
Is there any reason for the things I assume

Are my eyes open or are they closed
I thought I heard agreement so who opposed
Did the page turn or decompose
Why were the actual risk never disclosed

Is this pain based on reality
Why does it still hurt when I dream
Why do my eyes leak when I bleed
Why am I not anything they ever need

I know I’m not her and I never was
But if you’ll excuse me I need more gauze
It’s going to take a lot to cover the flaws
And every time I fall someone does applause

Every single hour I go through change
But when I turn around everything’s the same
I guess it’s not important to love the strange
And when it comes to me I don’t have a name

I still have love for him on the inside
I said I didn’t need him but I really lied
And there for a moment I felt alive
But it was just a trick of the night

Not even a demon could love this creature
My only goal was to make his life richer
But as it turns out I am just a creeper
And I’m not capable of giving him fever

Now I have this love and don’t know what to do
I thought I was a diamond or in his heart a jewel
I thought he was my knight, come to save me too
But when it comes to my life I had the wrong value

© Delia Ross. 2019

feeling too much
Posted on by poeeternal · 21 Comments

Depression On

I get so scared, I cut so deep
I tell myself that dying is the latest craze
Everyone has done it who’s already left this plain –
Dying is living’s final stage
And it doesn’t matter how you’re dressed, we all shit the same
And then I go a little deeper cuz this darkness is a maze
And I’m always hoping that it’ll help take away the pain
And so I drown another bottle because big pharma leads the way
And I slow down on the throttle because life is speeding away

But now another year has passed and I’m simply starting to rot
And the doctors write another prescription to try and manage the thought
And I can give another apology, but it’s still all my fault
And remorse it isn’t cheap, it seems they tripled the cost

Let me out, let me out, lemme out of this haze
Let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me dream better days

Goodbye tomorrow, I will seek you in the future
And somewhere in that memory you will wonder why you didn’t mute her
And somewhere in that prison you’ll remember you are your own ruler
Dear future self, please start over
It only takes a step, I promise you’ll find closure

© Delia Ross. 2019

Here come the waves
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Sewn

I found his sadness then I made a home
I saw his sadness and it felt like my own
I found a place where it seemed I belong
I took his darkness and gave him a dawn

I shook the foundation where he wasn’t growing
It’s possible that he hates me for knowing
I gave him love and it keeps on flowing
I gave him gardens where life wasn’t showing

I saw his eyes and then I saw the light
Hidden underneath the fear of his night
Given away to the prayers I recite
To give him hope with each word that I write

I saw his shame and then extended my hand
I reached for miracles where it wasn’t my land
I extended patience where it failed to expand
He gives me meaning that I don’t understand

I’m just a girl who made his sadness my own
Now I fear I’ve been left all alone
I roam his lands of the infinite unknown
I’d fly away but my wings have been sewn

© Delia Ross. 2019

Just a girl who can’t find love in any land or any man
Posted on by poeeternal

Empty and Alone

I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone

Etcetera, etc…

Posted on by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Mannequin

I’m like a mannequin in a window that you’ve only come to browse
Or a lion in a city when I’m really just a mouse
I’m the lie that keeps repeating when you haven’t any vows
I’m the girl you stopped defending just because your words arouse

I’m the contact in your mobile though you haven’t got my cell
I’m the address you keep needing though you know I live in hell
I’m the one who gives you meaning when you’ve lost your will to dwell
I’m the love that keeps you dreaming but it’s never parallel

I’m the moment you kept dreading but now it’s come and gone
I’m the reason that you wake up when there isn’t any dawn
I’m the one who says I’m sorry when there wasn’t any wrong
I’m the one you call a queen but you treat me like a pawn

I’m the silk from your mouth when you needed just a muse
I’m the gold that you won but forgot on the cruise
But for me you’re the boy who removes all the blues
And I’m just a girl hoping I’m the one you will choose

© Delia Ross. 2019

I wonder if he loves me in the real world…

Because it would make me happy if he did… ❤

Posted on by poeeternal · 1 Comment

A Raft Named Hello

I built a raft from my tears so my love could sail into your foreign skies
I etched a map with blood and stains made from all your lies
And drew upon her side HELLO but she’s better with goodbyes
But still my hand aptly wrote her name across her guise

And from my fears a wind took hold which carried off my back
And anchored in its belly are the cares from which you lack
And settled in the hull are all the nights that I lost track
Moments lost in time but they filled me with your black

There may come a time when it finally reaches you
A chance to recognize and understand its value
A moment to cherish what you never knew
But I already died from failure of rescue

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Drowning

Do you know what it’s like to cut the cord on your dream?

Though it isn’t just a dream from sleep

But one from awakening

It is a lifeline to your fate

The weight of consequence
Feels like an ocean
As you’re sinking

There are moments you want to swim back up
Fleeting moments of reason
Caught in a net of fishing line

More struggle

No you have to sink deep
Feel the pressure in your chest
The anxiety, the agony, the sorrow

You want to take a deep breath
It would be your very last

Panic. Now regret. Doubt.

Peace will come again.

As soon as my pocket knife cuts this cord
And I race to ascend
The light my friend
A reasonable decision
Air in my lungs again
Pain lessening

You were dead weight.
An anchor in my soul.

I swim towards finality.

I’ve made it to the lighthouse.

You are a memory I drowned away.
And I nearly drowned with it.

You would have been the last thought on my mind.

As you were always on my mind.

Unrequited love.

A pain I hope to never know again.

As I crawl off the shores of a dream that died.

I am never looking back.

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Depression Avenue, Anxiety Lane

My brain says to go left
So my feet instead go right

My soul says to give it up
Yet my body puts up a fight

I’m so tired of feeling low
But my eyes stay in the light

Everybody thinks they know
But they haven’t got the sight

Round and round the Sun may go
But my days aren’t very bright

I have shelter from the cold
Yet my heart has frostbite

I am scared so I act bold
But I mostly feel uptight

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

I’m So Scared

I’m so scared for that little girl
Who grew up abused in a broken world
By men who only ever used

Who never taught her love
Or how to be well
No one will care
Unless to get rid of

That little girl now five foot six
It matters not if love exists
For it has never reached her lips
Love serves only as a crucifix

Oh how I cry for her!
To her family a stranger
To the world a number
To death an anchor

I cannot save her though I tried
I must now stop being her guide
For I only seem to make her cry
And make her pain multiply

Oh how I hold her tight!
And squeeze with all my might
Her eyes blind from sight
Her body coiled from fright

She is a desperate, fragile thing
The gentleness of a morning spring
A seed in the dark in need of blooming
She is the breath of an angel singing

Oh how I know her aches!
I know her dreams and her mistakes
I know where her branches break
I know the thunder her cries make

Tiny frail hands always with blessings
Teaching others love was always the lessons
Helping others was always the message
But now it’s time to end the sessions

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Illusion

Words needn’t be backed up with a promise to have meaning
Lying seems to be the direction everyone is leaning
Tongues twist and slither without feeling
Inserting poison which keeps us from dreaming
And as the blood boils our hearts stop beating
Hate simmers and spreads in a cycle of repeating
And from this dark spiral we keep feeding
Outnumbered, my feet and love start receding
Here comes another decade of me screaming
Hope faded with the dawn of needing
My love is the only love that can bring healing
My soul is weary and ready for eternal sleeping
I fight to stay alive God willing
I wish I could stop my love from ever leaking
These demons feast from me and leave me freezing
As I lay dying I start believing-
Love is just an illusion to keep me from leaving

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Fog

Here comes the dark
Creeping like a serpent
Like a thick, dark fog
It twists as a vine in my heart

She trades sex for love
He follows the current
Laps it like a dog
Ignoring my love above

She visits his dock
Sees behind the curtain
And I a slave or dove
Without a tongue to talk

Here, there, everywhere
She is lurking
Like a black smog
And I an angel without prayer

Eyes that burn with what it sees
Hands that never stop yearning
Tongues reciting the wrong epilogue
One soul left crying on her knees

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Bad Apple

You should have kept it a buried treasure
You should have taken another adventure
His love will make you poorer not richer
The taste of his bite is only bitter

A bad seed from his rotten apple
The taste of his lips makes one babel
Leaving you with lessons you’ll never grapple
Poison your tongue so you can never tattle

Holy water will run from the unclean
Circle and burrow paths for a new stream
A king can grow apples from a bad seed
A queen never takes a road to mislead

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

Stones

Hard to face an enemy with arrows
Eyes to ground, move back but still he follows
Try to make a list of the cons and pros
Every step sinking deeper into holes
Crying only reaches more lost souls
The devil whispers “this is the life you chose”
Picking every thorn off of your rose
But darling I warned you not to get close
This side of town contains mostly lows
This is where hope comes to decompose
He’s laughing now like it’s one of his jokes
Breaking me is always one of his goals
My sins always haunting my shadows
It’s so heavy these stones I carry alone on these roads

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Armor

I know not what drives him
How deep his senses swim
Which fear can make him cower
What eats away his hour
From which tear his pain will flower
Who tells him that he matters
How tall I’ll need a ladder
What brings him to his laughter
Who helps him when he’s sadder
Why his eyes pierce deeper than a dagger
How his words can make me stagger
Or why he wears such heavy armor

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Aches of the Heart

Over and over
I told her
Oh the aches of the heart
Bet he knew
Right from the start
Over and over
He’d hold her
As the pain grew
His touch was colder

Heading home
Without direction
Broken hearts his
Prized possessions
Telling them it’s just obsession
At his feet a throne
(Of broken souls and bones)

Oh the aches of the heart
Bet he knew
From the start

Memories like rainfall,
Like crushing waves of stone
Mornings of mourning
Had she only known
Weakened and furied
And left all alone
Still he knew I was home

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Nothing

I’m not a muse, I’m not a rat, I will never be that

I’m not amused, nor confused yet I’m easily misused
Discarded, rejected, spit out like spoiled food

I have bad looks with declining health and there is never any wealth

I don’t get by, I rarely lie, I don’t have feelings yet I sigh
I don’t get twisted, or blacklisted, I often fail though I still try

I’ve never loved, I’ve never bailed, still I feel like I’m always jailed

Misunderstood, and broken down, I’m the saddest in the town
I never smile and wear this frown like it is my only crown

I spit out words that go unheard, my speech is hardened and mostly blurred
If I seek help I’ll be removed from all that brings me joy which is absurd

I’ve never married or divorced and I sometimes feel that is worse
If I send valentines they get treated like a curse

I wish he liked me but he don’t
Or I’m so broken that he won’t

© Delia Ross. 2019