I get so scared, I cut so deep
I tell myself that dying is the latest craze
Everyone has done it who’s already left this plain –
Dying is living’s final stage
And it doesn’t matter how you’re dressed, we all shit the same
And then I go a little deeper cuz this darkness is a maze
And I’m always hoping that it’ll help take away the pain
And so I drown another bottle because big pharma leads the way
And I slow down on the throttle because life is speeding away
But now another year has passed and I’m simply starting to rot
And the doctors write another prescription to try and manage the thought
And I can give another apology, but it’s still all my fault
And remorse it isn’t cheap, it seems they tripled the cost
Let me out, let me out, lemme out of this haze
Let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me dream better days
Goodbye tomorrow, I will seek you in the future
And somewhere in that memory you will wonder why you didn’t mute her
And somewhere in that prison you’ll remember you are your own ruler
Dear future self, please start over
It only takes a step, I promise you’ll find closure
© Delia Ross. 2019
I find this your best I’ve read to date. Very relatable for those who’ve traversed that unyielding labyrinth of darkness, emotions and fleeting dreams hoping to find as little as one understanding embrace.
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I sort of freestyle wrote this in the bath and thought it might be one of my worst but I struggle with suicidal ideations and so I’ve been very transparent about my depression, because, well, society needs to know it’s okay to talk about it. I’ve already lost many to suicide and I struggle with it myself. Thanks for your input and now I’m glad I shared it. A mirror can be scary. But I also always feel so raw and exposed when I share my poetry.
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I’d say; anyone who judges you fears their own most raw inner reflection. I too battled with those thoughts. Be proud you hold the courage to bare yourself so emotionally naked. I know full well myself what and how scary it can be/seem and whilst feeling alone. I for one, welcome all you wish to share publicly or privately. remember, we are not really alone.
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That’s my favorite lie I tell myself, that I’m not alone. A baby monkey will choose comfort over food and I myself have no comfort or food.
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But- you are not a baby monkey. You’re a beautiful looking woman who’s been damaged by others, life and or misunderstood choices. I can’t physically embrace you to provide comfort however, I can listen if you need to talk, understand and offer what advice I can now or in the future. See, you’re really alone, if just feels that way.
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It hurts so much
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Because you love so deeply and thank God you do. Not enough of the world does.
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I wish I knew what love felt like in return.
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I think you can know it giving the right situation.
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I’m giving up on love and now all hope has died.
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I’m slipping away unloved in the dark. On the positive side my rent is paid and I have $3 in my account.
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This is really well done. For me, this is exactly why I write. To find the moments when we realize we are not alone in all this.
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Thanks River, I appreciate the light as I’m descending rather far currently.
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Oh my I am on your level with this. I hope it gets better, but well done for sharing
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Thank you so much Harry! Sending light!
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This really speaks to me. Your writing skills are really amazing. I’m really sorry to hear everything you’re going through. I wish you all the best in life and hope you overcome it all.
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And just when I’m ready to give it all up, I see a little light shine in…
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Please don’t give up. Never give up.
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Thank you x
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This is real! Powerful post!
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Thank you very much!!
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