How I feel about our love. Neither here or gone. Still loading. Or maybe that’s just 2021? I have a good side and a bad side. Double trouble. Twice the love. 💞
Am I your angel or demon? A lonely mermaid? Are we now even?
Did you know I read tarot from time to time? I have 2 deck of cards plus some tarot books. While I don’t have each card memorized, I’m fairly good at interpreting what they mean, in comparison to the question you ask each deck/reading. My friends and family are generally pretty amazed by each reading (despite me flipping through my book). While I’m not as experienced reading tarot, I’m skilled with meditation sessions and intermediate with meditation with crystals and stones. I studied astrology when I was 15, followed by dream interpretation, and then wound up getting my science degree in psychology. I also have a medical background working as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) and Combat Medic for some 8 years in the Army (I went on to get a second MOS in the Army as I was offered a position with the Department of Defense, so I went to another school in the Army and got a second MOS classification and started working as a Transportation officer. Thus my medical career halted, I changed my masters from psychology to an MBA, as my entire life changed when I became a businesswoman for the DOD (Department of Defense) and this went on for several years until I reached 15 years in the Army and opted to not reenlist a fifth or sixth time. Thus, here I am now. An unknown soldier, poor, heartbroke, and on the brinks of a mysterious death, just like Edgar A. Poe!!! Woo Hoo!
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Your walls of trust are ruin Still the moss is green in our garden There are dinosaur skeletons and secrets buried Iron walls to keep off enemy My lips are gold and clean I’m still your sunbeam Leaning on the moon My roots dug into you The tombs are crumbling Regret is ivy Black holes are spinning too They have mass like the weight of you Time has turned into quicksand Every place you’ve been I’m not calling on a friend From lie to dust My blood is rust But the starlight It keeps rushing through With every thought of you My lips are gates of doom
I know why Edgar Allan Poe died heartbroke on the street. I know your secrets. Dig into the crust and search its layers, love is still found.
Cut the red forest down. Run us into Andromeda. My love won’t go extinct.
There may not be a grave for you to visit when I die. Or a blog. People die and vanish from history. Am I fading from existence with your every breath? Where does the light go inside you?Have you already forgotten me? Tell me how easy? Click click erase?
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I love him The way a sunset paints the sky with pink, purple and blue The way the colors mix over the sky with an arch made of vivid colors I love the way his words dry my eyes Or the way his many voices threads itself into my life I love the way he nestles softly in my mind, covering tracks of agony The way his sticky, sweet words attach to my heart I love how tender his tongue is to me, how it glides over my mistakes like candy I love how there’s an ethereal bridge from my heart to his forever connected I love how his silence accompanies my sorrow like a blanket I love the way he loves me without loving me at all How his living ghost dances with my dreams every hour How, upon waking and first thought he is there to catch me I love how his hand has never touched my body but his energy has reached even my darkest corridors, replacing the dust with light I love how his help indebted me to his heart forever, as if God himself supplied the order he executed unknowingly I love how lost we are in each other yet found I love him the way a flower blooms at first light, just like my soul bloomed when he found me at frozen peril How he scooped me from the fetal position and tucked me in his warm heart and now I go where he goes I love how he’s never around, yet he’s always around, like the hope I breathe I love how the blue in his eyes makes my blood boil How he makes my fears stand erect and puts my courage to trial Or how the tip of his nose centers me like a compass I love how he is my north, or my south, or any direction I love how we are spaceless among the infinite space between us I love how his words marry my words because we are one I love how he never tells the child in me to grow up, instead gives me a field to play in I love how he describes me in his poetry, as if I’m seeing myself in the mirror for the first time, Or seeing the world through his eyes as it should be, and not how others have made me believe it to be Oh, how I love that he gives these dry eyes sight! He gives my pulse a rush! I’m alive, I’m alive! Feel me! I have seen things that make me wonder but none so much as you! I love how his arms are always open for my return but just give me another day! I love how his arms are always open for me to leave but just give me another day! I love how the other women in his life never speak of him the way I do, for I was made for him I love how I have to step on my tippy-toes to hear his words rise I love him because I can and will continue to love him as I am, free
Dear Christopher, I have said and behaved in manors towards you that I deeply regret, and I can line the road with excuses or roses, but the truth is, I’ve never loved anybody, nor have I known love in any capacity (and not even in a parental sense) so I’m driving blind basically. But, I know that I have embarrassed and hurt you, and for that I am sorry. I’ve staked unfounded claims, and made accusations, without so much as discussing it with you, my head is messy and confused. I hope moving forward, we can put things behind us, as space is directionless anyhow, and, if we’re real, I’d like to die knowing you don’t hate me. But currently, I don’t know that, as we aren’t even following each other anymore, though I feel doors may still be open. I just don’t want to greet the other side, with that doubt. I can’t promise to stop writing love poems, but I can promise to not embarrass you by private messaging them to you, it’s not something I’ve ever done before, nor will I ever again. I’m not trying to marry you, or trap you, I’m just, at the very least, hoping for a ‘ship’ of any kind, preferably friendship, as opposed to acquaintanceor enemy. Ghosting is my least favorite form of communication. Aside from death… Anyway, I think you’re cool and dig your energy and would like to be allowed around / in it, if ever permitted.
Sidefact: Ahhh the romance is still bleeding from me, I mean Edgar Allan Poe died in the streets, NAKED, BROKE, ALONE, and in-love… I have some of his unpublished words tattooed on my ribcage, they were, for his love, WHO DIED (who turned out to be his blood cousin, gross, wish I had known that little detail pre tattoo, but I still love Poe, even flawed, and would have got the tattoo anyway, I just like complaining, OH POE IS ME). By the way, it just occurred to me, in this very moment, that the dude I’m in love with, has part of Poe’s name. OH MY GAWD. 🤓 I don’t know, but I need a moment to process this universal sign… It’s like God’s waving a flag over his head saying HELLO, THE LIGHT FINALLY WENT OFF. As if, we needed any other signs but fuck, whoa, things are becoming blurry, I’m dizzy and drunk in love. Am I dying????? *runs and hides*
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Transmission unknown but the signal goes until I’m no longer breathing It looks as if he ran away but looks can be deceiving He is shining in my sky, though it must be evening And wishes when they can be made, I hope it’s me he’s needing And maybe when he settles down, my love he’ll be receiving
All those donuts I ate caught up with meAnd I now weigh in at 129 pounds Light as maybe 2 feathers now…Or three…Happy Valentines!! I love you!!! ❤Seriously though I doStillDo you think we’ll be friends one day? Or follow one another again? I would like that, wouldn’t you? I feel your energy all the time. Is that you? Transmissions received
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (love to my Patrons): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Maybe if he understood the need How longing is growing like a weed And in between the distance and the stars that truly listen I know he’d rather have me in the lead
Maybe if I took the time to plead And nurtured space like it was a seed The stuff that would be growing is the energy in knowing That fate will come to help us both succeed
I’ve kissed lips that tasted of kings I’ve slept in halls where angels sing I’ve ridden sorrow through hells domain But in my heart is where he remains
In an outpour I bleed out the worst I expell the poison and simmer the curse If time were a remedy, I’d drink until full If his heart were a string, I’d give it a pull
Kings and queens and other things too
Honey, they won’t replace my love of you
Diamonds and roses and even poetry
You may have a million girls but they ain’t me
I’ve been through the pain and through the waste
I’ve tried them all they ain’t my taste
You are stubborn and you know it’s true
The universe says I was made for you
I pull fragments of my dreams out of my center I carefully knead them with love until they are tender I tie them with hope and a sign that spells ENTER They are filled with sweet nothings to get you through winter
So off with the wind, I have to send you my love dear And if you can imagine, it’s just like I’m whispering in your ear I stand on my tippy-toes so I make sure you can hear me clear Then I gently kiss your lips and remind you there’s nothing to fear
PoeEternal 