I Love Him

I love him
The way a sunset paints the sky with pink, purple and blue
The way the colors mix over the sky with an arch made of vivid colors
I love the way his words dry my eyes
Or the way his many voices threads itself into my life
I love the way he nestles softly in my mind, covering tracks of agony
The way his sticky, sweet words attach to my heart
I love how tender his tongue is to me, how it glides over my mistakes like candy
I love how there’s an ethereal bridge from my heart to his forever connected
I love how his silence accompanies my sorrow like a blanket
I love the way he loves me without loving me at all
How his living ghost dances with my dreams every hour
How, upon waking and first thought he is there to catch me
I love how his hand has never touched my body but his energy has reached even my darkest corridors, replacing the dust with light
I love how his help indebted me to his heart forever, as if God himself supplied the order he executed unknowingly
I love how lost we are in each other yet found
I love him the way a flower blooms at first light, just like my soul bloomed when he found me at frozen peril
How he scooped me from the fetal position and tucked me in his warm heart and now I go where he goes
I love how he’s never around, yet he’s always around, like the hope I breathe
I love how the blue in his eyes makes my blood boil
How he makes my fears stand erect and puts my courage to trial
Or how the tip of his nose centers me like a compass
I love how he is my north, or my south, or any direction
I love how we are spaceless among the infinite space between us
I love how his words marry my words because we are one
I love how he never tells the child in me to grow up, instead gives me a field to play in
I love how he describes me in his poetry, as if I’m seeing myself in the mirror for the first time,
Or seeing the world through his eyes as it should be, and not how others have made me believe it to be
Oh, how I love that he gives these dry eyes sight! He gives my pulse a rush! I’m alive, I’m alive! Feel me!
I have seen things that make me wonder but none so much as you!
I love how his arms are always open for my return but just give me another day!
I love how his arms are always open for me to leave but just give me another day!
I love how the other women in his life never speak of him the way I do, for I was made for him
I love how I have to step on my tippy-toes to hear his words rise
I love him because I can and will continue to love him as I am, free

Β© Delia Ross. 2020

Dear Christopher, I have said and behaved in manors towards you that I deeply regret, and I can line the road with excuses or roses, but the truth is, I’ve never loved anybody, nor have I known love in any capacity (and not even in a parental sense) so I’m driving blind basically. But, I know that I have embarrassed and hurt you, and for that I am sorry. I’ve staked unfounded claims, and made accusations, without so much as discussing it with you, my head is messy and confused. I hope moving forward, we can put things behind us, as space is directionless anyhow, and, if we’re real, I’d like to die knowing you don’t hate me. But currently, I don’t know that, as we aren’t even following each other anymore, though I feel doors may still be open. I just don’t want to greet the other side, with that doubt. I can’t promise to stop writing love poems, but I can promise to not embarrass you by private messaging them to you, it’s not something I’ve ever done before, nor will I ever again. I’m not trying to marry you, or trap you, I’m just, at the very least, hoping for a ‘ship’ of any kind, preferably friendship, as opposed to acquaintance or enemy. Ghosting is my least favorite form of communication. Aside from death… Anyway, I think you’re cool and dig your energy and would like to be allowed around / in it, if ever permitted.

Sidefact: Ahhh the romance is still bleeding from me, I mean Edgar Allan Poe died in the streets, NAKED, BROKE, ALONE, and in-love… I have some of his unpublished words tattooed on my ribcage, they were, for his love, WHO DIED (who turned out to be his blood cousin, gross, wish I had known that little detail pre tattoo, but I still love Poe, even flawed, and would have got the tattoo anyway, I just like complaining, OH POE IS ME). By the way, it just occurred to me, in this very moment, that the dude I’m in love with, has part of Poe’s name. OH MY GAWD. πŸ€“ I don’t know, but I need a moment to process this universal sign… It’s like God’s waving a flag over his head saying HELLO, THE LIGHT FINALLY WENT OFF. As if, we needed any other signs but fuck, whoa, things are becoming blurry, I’m dizzy and drunk in love. Am I dying????? *runs and hides*


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