you write like dinosaurs and saints are the mountains
what future are you climbing
the future is past we’re recycling
you destroy bridges the way earthquakes destroys towns
The Earth is littered with your stories; like passages of crime
a yellow checkered roadway, you won’t mind
you write like we’re the Pacific and Atlantic; we don’t mix
you shoot to the moon, to get your fix
i am never it
too innocent
your words are crescent
you act like the night is a taillight
i don’t have the words to write
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i would like to try again, under my own pen, to blog again.
it’s just, i don’t feel like people like when i come around their blogs and socialize
and i mean fuck, look at my past homicidal / suicidal behavior – i nearly didn’t make it out
i’m still 100 foot below the surface wanting a phone call from you
you’d probably have to get a new number because I think I locked you out of my life the way I locked myself out of Facebook
sometimes i stop and mourn the loss of my sister and dad
it’s like being in and out of consciousness
I wish I could disassociate for a few days and then it be time to move but there’s too much to get done and not a second to lose
note to self: if where i’m going is terrible, I don’t have to stay there for seven fucking years
i have weird addictions – like i cut myself off after a period of time
i have to slowly withdraw
i get angry with myself
i say, “if we keep going, I won’t be able to enjoy the rest”
too much stress
it’s been two or three weeks now and I have not renewed my medical card nor have I topped up and I’m nearly out of everything
i ALMOST made an appointment but backed out
sometimes you have to want quitting more than you want to get high and you have to have a good reason for quitting
But I was just trying to use medicinally and it’s a struggle when you get addicted to the stuff and then you use too much and it doesn’t work and I don’t want popcorn lungs or any shit like that; I need to quit for at least six months again.
people think I’m rich because I keep getting boxes and I’m like I need an intervention and they just laugh me on and encourage me and say they want to shop with me because I got a good eye
but it is temporary – it is not forever
it is the one time in my life for such ridiculousness
but i’m at that point you know – where you gotta stop
you recognize the slope and even if you do have enough rope – it is not the direction you want to go
i have other plans
and I’m definitely not rich, I am considered fucking poor, but I follow the 50/30/20 rule very terribly
my 30% goes to shopping, not eating out, not drinking or smoking dope, no partying, no netflix, no popcorn basically
“boring”
Lately I’ve been doing crossword puzzles and recently I got diamond and oil paintings to do
Being on the computer was fine when we weren’t forced to be on it 24/7 or when we didn’t have to train the AI and every task was double
I can’t even search on Walmart without telling it twice every fucking time what it is I’m searching for
i’m done chasing my tail
And I don’t want to continue participating and having to update and buy new fucking devices every five fucking years while the world is stripped of all of her power which the sun literally is making the Earth spin with all those diamonds and shit that you keep fucking pulling up out of the fucking earth
just because I can’t count as good as you because you made up some fucking delusional language doesn’t mean I can’t see what’s really going on
nihilism
PoeEternal 