the last blog post went silent

either shadowbanned or maybe i need to re-read what i said lol

ANYHOO

more on that actually…

there were words written on the bullets

top of the line classy kill

musta felt good etching that in

rolling the dice

loading up

*laughs*

and here i was contemplating leaving bags of shit at the front office for the staff

(any adjective will do)

but the manager did get back to me but now i am waiting 24 hours to respond – or at least until my eyes do not feel heavy

she apologized

basically said she told her staff IT WAS AN EMERGENCY

i was fearing an IBS epi or my period coming on

the worse of the worse

day 4 clogged toilet WHAT DO WE DO

i dunno, shit in a bag, drop it off?

my dignity was gone

my voice was raised

PLEASE CALL THE COPS

GIVE ME THE NUMBER TO SOMEONE OUTSIDE THIS OFFICE

i actually did try and reach corporate but like ghost trail

i got the VA involved now

prob breadcrumbs they tossing

but give a man a bone

i will knaw

it will calm me down so i can respond to the email professionally

so morning emails with hot coco after bed rest from the weekly slumlord events

i told the veterans suicide hotline thangy i was embarrassed by my behavior – but the only working heat i had was my little space-heater by day 4

so im getting some blankets soon

monday i think

i get to stop by and “go shopping” he said

gloves you name it

a sleeping bag

blankets

a scarf

i take

im getting on some lottery list to maybe get some sort of housing for 30% my income

and a middleman for problems

so im running back to uncle sam

we need barracks for veterans

but folks be out here gaslighting and spitting on us

i threatened to issue a 7 day and they retaliated by doing nothing and threatening to issue me a 7 day

THE COPS WOULD HAVE TO REMOVE ME

I WOULD NOT RESIST

i know i can squeeze out of cuffs

i haz before in the back of a cop car on a cop ride to Lewisburg, TN

i even slapped the cop in front of the entire school

the way we were both shook

and off we rode

and i had no shame

and i did not get in any trub unless you count the rehab they locked me in for a month in Alabama without fresh air, sunshine, or sugar

i escaped more than once – they had to keep changing their rules because of me

i locked myself in my room once and wouldn’t come out

they’d shoot me in the ass with thorazine and lock me in a rubber room

it took several of them to hold me down to inject the goods

we weren’t allowed to talk to the boys so i always would

i know how much you love me

i love you too

delay, deny, depose

recommended listening: https://youtu.be/V6nbFZtxAL4?feature=shared

ready to take out anyone anywhere anyone anywhere anyone anywhere

CHILLBUMPS

blackholes living in the side of your face

the ending of the song

like riding off on an e-bike in New York while staff learns of your death but hurries to the meeting anyway

don’t wanna be late

meanwhile

new york is hush

ain’t nobody snitching

and there is a new ceo to fill the cold seat?

someone else is taking on the bloody throne?

oof

new york did not slow down

an advantage point

too many people

another advan

*takes note*

*for writing purposes*

but FYI the Army made me a lethal little bitch

i need my uniform updated

so taking care of that soon

get my dignity back

get my uni back on

START GOING FOR RUNS

but i literally swore for these streets

they need to be cleaned

not metaphorically

with a broom and powerwash

disgusting

i walk around cracks forming

everything i see is a danger

except snake

cuz her and i ran into one another

and i was like OH

don’t hurt me

in the softest tone

wow you’re big

*backs up slowly*

but man she was not bothered about me

she didn’t even lift her head

she kept speeding along

and decided to head the direction i was backing up

she wanted in the bush

but she kept her head down

the next day the neighbor knocked on my door “you got a can”

and i’m like “you making something good”

and she replies “there’s a snake”

and i immediately worry for my friend

i rush out and she is with her head up

there is a lot of banging noise from construction

and the neighbor wants to kill her with a can…

but i refused i said “no” “she doesn’t want to hurt”

“she isn’t poisonous”

“she’s scary but harmless”

i’m like “i’ll go get a broom and try and shoo her, she wants over there, she’s on alert now”

“we’re not killing her”

(and the neighbor is old mind u)

now i hear her stomping her feet

which is better than murdering my wildlife friends

she was a water moccasin i think

so maybe a bit of a dangy noodle

as big as me

but harmless

i literally bumped into her and nearly died of fear

i was like woahhhh hi

*backs up*

“oh you’re fast”

“now you’re coming this way”

but she kept her head down and was headed for the bush

i just went into freeze mode of fight or flight

snake always has rightofway

especially big black ones with places to go

had to tell myself to relax

but snake knew me before i knew me

now i see these holes out here

that a snake prob dug

but she has an exit and entry

and more than one

prob sleeps under my bed

like under the boards

LOOK

you may not trust me but they do

i’m not trying to toss heavy fucking cans at them

that was a concerning practice to learn

must be common

with them

she was surprised i didn’t want to kill the snake

i would rather hear her stomping

compromise

I DON’T WANT ANY SNAKES IN THE HOUSE OR GARDEN

but they will be there

and near the shed

unless i provide shelters for all sorts of creatures to inhabit

them holes are just the right size for her

too deep for a squirrel stash

always wonder if she is peering back from the hole

she could strike so well

as someone is walking by

but i think it’s a travel port to the underworld of my bed

prob warmer

in the ground

snakes terrify me

prob 2nd biggest fear

they say a spider is always near

well snakey too

u think only ants and termites go down there?

that one guy was in his bed when the sinkhole took him

and now grandma potentially is gone

they got them in India

that lady

and volcano is quicksand

like hot

you wouldn’t sink down and drown

the oceans power volcanoes

been wondering if sealife can hear me when i am in water

like can i tune in with octi

they need our help

all of them

all the things

stop throwing cans at snake

i mean a can of corn as a weapon

not a bad idea if in David and Goliath mode

sharks use the “blindspot” in the ocean – the sunrays – to sneak attack

you can’t see them coming

they use the light….

i know it is only 8:30 but i want nightmares by 9pm

i do not condone violence

i support self-defense

our opinions differ on what that is

i need sleep

heart needs rest

even if mind is like “where we going now”

and i’m just like “shhh”

“the answers are coming”

“get some rest”

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