I just laid my dog to rest and the great planetary alignment is happening
On my sister’s death anniversary the great Winter blizzard of 2025 hit Florida where 5 inches of snow was dumped on my head during my 5th awakening
And the day I learned of my dad’s passing, I saw a six minute double rainbow
and since I held my dog for the last time on Valentine’s Day, i’ve been stuck on Miller’s planet, where gravity is strong
There’s not just the singularity, to escape, but the event horizon
And i’m on 10%
Maybe less cuz the “gross” thing is happening, and while i’m saying “oh my god” while flushing the toilet, i’m also saying things like “good girl” we started our period
And yes, i still, after nearly 48 years, get blood on my panties
Despite every measure not to
I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
Those are bits of me, so much potential and possibility, being flushed down the drain
IT MAKES ME CRAZY
Also me: “thank you Lord for the river to wash me clean”
*sits by the river for days*
Him: what r u still doing down there?
Me: i told you not to look. stop looking
Him: *approaches closer*
Me: *throws a rock at his head. GO AWAY*
(He does go away but he brings me back some food and comfort and leaves it by the river)
(Now i’m grateful cuz i didn’t want to be alone or humiliated by him seeing me this way x every 3 weeks)
(He made me some cloth to help)
(Now I can leave the river)
(Now he has poisoned the cloth and the river cuz he thinks life is pointless)
I wanna see the Great Planet Parade
I asked God for a sign that my dog made it to heaven to be heaven’s mascot, that he crossed the rainbow bridge
Didn’t want his spirit stuck on earth cuz of me
I’ve been in a lot of emotional distress, but my ovaries have overtaken at the moment, but it normally takes about 36 hours or so for that to reside so I can just pursue the rest of my period without being curled up in a ball or the bed
Like leave me alone but bring food at the door
Games
Notes of “here when you’re ready” (not “when you need me” cuz don’t need the guilt for needing space to shed my dna)
Like I didn’t ask to be born and I don’t wanna die nor is life worth living
So – I am trying to include activities that do not include signing death warrants – the bottom pits of black holes – or anything with a cancer warning – that may actually make life worth living – but so far i just cry – feel dead and empty inside – like i have imposter syndrome – which is likely a side effect from jumping into this timeline – to save my own life – since my other self was incapable of such a task – and i am still course correcting for her – in and out of disassociation – crying about what i have done – despite spending hours in the mirror crying and begging myself to do what needed to be done
So been listening to songs of Faith and Devotion by Depeche Mode
Man will survive the harshest conditions / and stay alive / through difficult decisions / so make up your mind for me / Walk the line for me / if you want my love.
Just know, I will fucking cut the cord on you to save my life.
I will leave you behind.
I will do a blindside.
Fucking ruthless angel
Death of mercy
I mean
I will free you of your curse
That’s why you fucking love me. Will risk your life for me and leave your ministry to me and ask me to end your life.
I know you’d do it for me if I asked.
What a weak little pathetic fucking boy if you can’t fucking do what I ask.
They are literally couples who die together who fall ill
“So risk your health for me / if you want my love”
But you know, I would burn a bridge and build a wall before I fucking infected you and you hate me for it
You hate when you cannot reach me
Cuz I hate it too
I’m not jumping in a cold river to save my dog (they both died)
I’m never getting another dog again
I experienced psychosis when he died
Apparently, trauma grief is a real thing
I’m not just lost in purgatory. I’m circling the bottom of a black fucking hole.
Yesterday I ran on the treadmill
More like walk/sprint/run Army style but I got some running in!
Proud of the heart!
I’m not in remission yet but I gave up smoking again *sigh*
Marijuana now is just basically cocaine or heroin and you’re just constantly chasing the dragon high because they changed the DNA of it and fuck you
Maybe when I’m around to it I’m gonna write about my experience losing my soul dog and I did a witness cremation and I feel like I’ve grown up a little bit
Do you think every time something is born, there is less matter in the sun?
Don’t you feel a certain way around the trees?
Do you talk to the plants like me?
Do you have the blueprint on how to escape the singularity?
Can you write me a poem or story? About anything?
But for an added challenge: because i am not obsolete and a part of the community!?! – the theme or topic could be a dog finding his way to heaven? The rainbow bridge?
Anyone wanna AI my good boy and create some art? Or digitally add a bridge or something? It wasn’t his fault he got sick.
RIP Sammie 2011-2025
All dogs go to heaven? He got a viking cremation for the warrior he was. Well, it wasn’t on the water. But his body was cleansed, his spirit released. That’s the idea right?
Honestly, I’d rather talk about my period right now or nothing at all.
We can talk about tacos. I’m craving tacos.
Let’s just not talk.
I’d rather hear you typing that story on the typewriter until I fall asleep.
Weird way to propose but yes
“What u writing about honey…”
Me as of RIGHT NOW so STOP LOOKING
I told u not to look
PoeEternal 