Death is going to come like a creature in the night
Everything dies but it still gives me fright
You’re using all your cum but creating stillness life
You think you’re having fun but you’re killing all with light
© Delia Ross. 2019
Eagle
I am like an eagle
I’m trying to unplug sheeple
I am raising flags on evil
Corporations are not people
They won’t understand
I’m fighting for their life
I’ve fighted for their rights
I’m shining all the lights
BIG PHARMA IS A CANCER
DO YOU NEED ANOTHER ANSWER
PILLS ARE JUST AN ANCHOR
THEY’LL SEND YOU TO A CHAMBER
© Delia Ross. 2019
Another death, big pharm to blame, I’M ANGRY!!!!!
Lil Peep
WALK AWAY AS THE DOOR SLAMS / YOU GOT BLOOD ON YOUR POOR HANDS
Just heard this and news he died. Heartstrings. RIP
My Dawn Is Gone (A real story)
It was a 357 Magnum that took her life
She wrote me a note then died that night
She said she loved me the last time we spoke
And then she never again awoke
Meika Dawn Capps was her name
I never did again feel the same
I’d spend all day with her at the cemetery
When she died I was also buried
April 7th, 1993
An asteroid called suicide got the best of me
The gun even had a scope
Years later her mother died at the end of a rope
Two funerals and a broken girl
I am definitely the saddest in the world
News it broke that Wednesday ‘mourning’
And I have never stopped hurting
© Delia Ross. 2019
I love you. Your death was apocalyptic to my soul. A day does not pass without you on my mind. You were my muse then, and my muse now. I miss getting into trouble with you. Skipping down the halls of school singing Pink Floyd. Writing songs together. Jumping off the balcony onto the trampoline. Moon bathing at night. Laughing together. Crying together. Meeting bands together. Late night cheese stick eatings. Watching headbangers ball. Staying on the phone with each other until we fell asleep and then waking up with the phone still connected and saying ‘see you at school’. I’m not the same without you. I miss your makeup tutorials. Your blue eyes. You speaking like Elmo. You never judging me. Wearing each others clothes and shoes. You hating that I was a few months older than you, and then briefly each year us being the same age- and how happy that made you- until my birthday came. Sharing our dreams and aspirations. Playing guitar together even though we didn’t know any chords yet. Those plans of starting a band. That moment you wanted to be a bass player and how excited we were to start a band. You calling me “creampuff” and I you “juicyfruit”. You were my best friend and soul mate. I was too young to understand depression so your suicide was both sudden and shocking. It changed my entire existence. It left a deep impact in my soul. I still cry out for you. I still need you. I still love you. Your last words to me were “I love you”. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. And I wish I had known you were thinking of ending your life. But how could I have known when I suffered from the same illness. I should have stayed in better contact with your mommy because years later she took her life too. And when I saw bits of your coffin peeking out from the dirt, as your mom was being laid to rest next to you, memories of that day you left me rushed back into my mind. There’s no way of knowing if you exist in some other realm than me. But I hope when I cross that plain you will be there waiting. There’s so much I need to tell you. You taught me a very hard lesson in life. I cherish our memories, the good and bad. I NEVER want to forget you. I miss you. Always. Forever. Eternally Yours. xx (RIP Meika Dawn Capps May 1, 1979 – April 7, 1993))
13, the age I died. I just want to share my real story. Part of my journey. I wish I had one photo of us together, and so that’s why I’m obsessed with photographing everything now. The 90s. The best and worst decade ever with little photographic evidence.
Eastbound
Silence on the battleground
Blood on my sword
Sorrow now eastbound
Forgiveness I’m not marching toward
The sky is red
My heart is black
The love is dead
I’m not coming back
Tie my boots tighter
Brush off the pain
I am a fighter
Death is my reign
Casualties on the field
Integrity is my alibi
Your end is where I healed
So this is where you die
© Delia Ross. 2019
Everything Dies
But not my love for TYPE O NEGATIVE
Rest of Me
Please give me back the me that you stole
Please give me back the me that you control
Please give me back the me that makes you whole
Please kill the rest of me that you left cold
© Delia Ross. 2019
I might have one or two left in me (my hair will still be growing when I die) ((my indecision is final))
Dancing
Not obsolete, no not yet
Though I keep dancing with death
I spin around, I break a sweat
But I keep missing a step
I dig deeper in, I hit reset
I still haven’t settled my debt
But it’s coming, like a comet
And honey, you can’t stop it
Pain is like a pet
It is my only asset
I am its favorite
It treats me like a threat
Well, me and sadness are a duet
Stick around, here comes another set
Sorrow and I have our own alphabet
We’ll teach you something you cannot forget
© Delia Ross. 2019
One Thing Is Certain
I am changing, but can others see?
When looking at other pictures, that cannot be me
Spent a lifetime trying to figure out who I was and now I am free
Free from all the locks and chains where I never had a key
And while there is still sorrow, I am an open sea
I am drowning on my back but I am floating carelessly
Underneath, the pull of the current
A shark is circling with massive courage
And dark is the sky and my eyes keep burning
And long are the lessons we never are learning
Life will drown you if death is a burden
But I will fall down loving him, one thing is certain…
© Delia Ross. 2019
My last breath I will love you…
Trixter
He offered me the sky, said it would be no problem to buy, if I wanted it
He flashed diamonds in my eye, that should easily satisfy, said I have credit
Replace that hardened cry, with a fresh necktie, I’ve got the perfect fit
I looked the devil in the eye, I said you trixter of a guy, as the blood left my wrist
© Delia Ross. 2019
Suicide awareness everyday. I’m on the guestlist to see Peter Hook in Atlanta this month, I’ve waited all year for this. My only REGRET in life would be not hearing this live. Why is this related? Well, the lead singer/songwriter of a band I dig died by suicide, Ian Curtis. When that happened, Joy Division became New Order and NO is a favorite band. Hooky was the co-founder of both bands. I dance alot to New Order. ALOT.
Ian Curtis – suicide
Mina Tepes – suicide
Kurt Cobain – suicide
Judas Iscariot – suicide
Etika – suicide
Robin Williams – suicide
Archias of Cyprus – suicide
Hunter S Thompson – suicide
Diaeus – suicide
Sylvia Plath – suicide
Cleopatra – suicide
Alexander McQueen – suicide
Marilyn Monroe – suicide
Chris Cornell – suicide
Ernest Hemingway – suicide
Michael Hutchence – suicide
Dead Anyway
Do I ever make you feel good?
Do you focus on the bad, longer than you should?
If you trusted me, could I peek under your hood?
If you don’t love me, do you ever think you could?
Every cloud passing by another prayer
In your thoughts, I wonder, am I there?
Is there ever a moment, where you care?
Of all the ones you’ve loved, how did I compare?
Slipping down now is the rain
Coming down to greet me another pain
Unfamiliar, surrounding terrain
And here I linger, here I dwell, here I remain
Life is just full of decay
I slowly watch love fade to grey
And if I die well I was dead anyway
If I die, that’s just the price we pay
© Delia Ross. 2019
Halloween has passed and still themes of death, oh goodie, I’m still me. Survivor of spells and curses, adding that to my portfolio. Let’s compare resumes. The new modern age of dick comparing. My debt is bigger than yours. Oops, I meant dick, I mean house. Wait, what the fuck are we talking about again? Dick, yes, need. CHOCOLATE, I NEED CHOCOLATE (shut up hormones) ((my ovaries are literally in a knife fight right now, I would apologize but my cycles follow the Moon))
This tho, yasssss HORNY CREEP yeps, not gonna apologize about that either. My drive ain’t hurting nobody. IS YOURS?
All Hallows Eve
“If it ain’t Type O Negative, it ain’t worth listening to”…
Wrath
“I do terribly bad things”, she said with a saddened sorrow
“Spontaneous combustion”, Lu replied
She was gazing in her mirror, Lu was just behind
Leaning on her shoulder, like he was her beau
He goes places with her no other will go
He knows too many things he shouldn’t know
A mask to Lu is an open window
The thicker they get, the more that you owe
“My tongue is full of sin” she said
As she took a blade, her eyes were blood red
The cold steel on her neck, her gaze still ahead
With careful, quick precision, Lu swiped the blade from her hand, he was never much of a figurehead
“Terribly bad things”, as she crashed to the floor
A creature of the underworld, and she could take no more
Too many souls abandoned, what is she fighting for
If only love could be her savior
“Hey kid, they only fear your purity because they sin,
They act tough where their skin is thin,
They create chaos in an endless cycle they spin,
They search for winnings, where the devil will always win”
With a hand that swung with the thunder of Thor
With a face of refusal and ready for war
With her hand on the trigger and ready to score
Standing an inch from the devil she let out a roar
© Delia Ross. 2019
Do you ever feel like the devil is on your shoulder? That was sort of the goal for the bathroom mirror scene. Now’s he’s been all through the house. Time to see a priest, deep, dark thoughts abide. Maybe an exorcist too. Definitely could use spiritual cleansing from a psychic.
Cobwebs
He spins a web of confusion
He spews we are living in delusion
That won’t stop him from carrying on
His mask cannot hide his beacon
And without reason, I follow the action
I was taught love is twice bitten
Well, maybe his web leads to Eden
It matters not how many webs are spun
I crawl over fragmented dreams and broken bones
It makes me ponder how many hearts he owns
Are they easy to collect like clones
Does he cherish the ones dethroned from their thrones
The stickier the web, the heavier the bloodstones
The harder the heart, the more sinful the wrongs
The farther we part, the heavier the moans
The more you punish, the darker the zones
© Delia Ross. 2019
For the most part, I put all my darkness into my poetry, or my art, I wouldn’t actually bite his head off in real life… the follow unfollow routine might be annoying but seriously there are worse crimes. And I’m trying to refrain from allowing others to trigger me. I have written him so much beautiful rhyme, it would be a shame to focus on the few falls between. xxoo
Graveyard
This maze is full of tears where souls are mostly scarred
From dust til dawn they roam leaving sorrows for regard
Plastic and dead flowers cover most of the yard
Everywhere I turn a zombie roams this graveyard
The living dying are making final rounds
Somewhere in the distance, crying are the sounds
Sooner or later, death will come and visit the towns
Fear of the certain drag the feet with added pounds
Regrets are heavy lingering over this tomb
And forgiveness is on the tongue, I hope it visits soon
Time is of the essence and the Moon is filled with gloom
There’s a place for heaven, but it’s missing from this room
© Delia Ross. 2019
Lists
Depression worry not
Just divide your time into slots
Write a list of don’ts
Match it with the won’ts
Give the list a plot
Tie it in a knot
Care not where I rot
Then again on second thought
Gotta find that perfect spot
And then maybe it’s worth a shot
I’m a zombie: life and death is a constant postpone
It takes all of my energy just to sit here and moan
© Delia Ross. 2019
Oh my fucking gawdddddd, how many times have you heard, “just make a list” when you are depressed? I’m going to make a list alright and shove it up their fucking ass. I can’t even make a list on how to die. My will is not up to date. I can’t even fucking decide on a way. Or a place. And then, the dog… BUT I digress, somehow, if I just start making lists on things to be done (with dying number one) then my life would be in order, and if I just let God in I wouldn’t be depressed either, so says society. But if I tell my doctors that I want to fucking kill myself, they’ll take everything from me and lock me up in a fucking rubber room. Barbaric are the practices for treating depression. So, since no one can get it fucking right, y’all get to sit back and judge me from behind your screens, and some of you will even poke and prod me and then when I bite you call me crazy and you disappear. And since society has a hard time understanding that being depressed is not the same as being fucking crazy, the death toll continues to rise and I’m trying my hardest to jump on that fucking bandwagon. But, I’m too lazy too sick to even write a list of things to get done. And I don’t think I really want to die, I just want a friend cuz isolation is cold and dark and it’s kinda scary in here and fuck you for not forgiving me for biting you when you caused me to bite in the first place. Shame on you.
- Get house in order
- Godparents for pets?
- Update will
- Say goodbyes
- Write letters
- Pick outfit
- Method of dying?
- Location?
- Famous last words
A Micro Story
Zero love
Fainted hope
Raw fingers
Twisted rope
© Delia Ross. 2019
Few words, big impact? I attempted 10 words but felt 2 more would put it off balance. Plus, rebel.
I suppose I could add ‘suicide note’ but you know it’s implied.
The Day I End
There she is, it is death on the horizon
And follow my sorrows she will
Until the day I end
There it goes, all the light from the Sun
I was looking for love where none of it was real
I was looking for hope in any direction I could ascend
There it flows, my hope is on the run
And bring with it a fear that covers with chill
While the devil whispers softly “suicide is your friend”
© Delia Ross. 2019
Caught Between the Devil
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
Caught between dilemma and what you mean to me
Caught between a wrong and caught without my sight
Caught me with my mind when it wasn’t screwed on tight
Caught between the truth and having privacy
But none of these reasons grant you the right to see
Caught between an answer and caught beneath the light
Caught between the bygones and a hand that seems to bite
Caught between an angel and where a devil blew his horn
Caught between the towers falling in an endless mourn
Caught between a moral and caught between a fight
Caught between the will to not end my life tonight
© Delia Ross. 2019
I don’t know if I did that Devil phrase any justice but then I completely changed the rhyme scheme in the end but also many of the end words and then I couldn’t decide on whether to keep going or not… because feelings. And I know I could have carried on the rhyme scheme in the end but, rebel…
50 Word Short Story Poetry
Years passed on and he always wondered how she got on with her life
But one evening, word finally returned, she ended her life that night
When he asked of her body, her grave, they said it was the ocean
She was never recovered from the boat she jumped, “there wasn’t a note son…”
© Delia Ross. 2019
So, thank you so much for 25,000 visits to this here blog cuz it just surpassed 25K! Woah. I wanted to write a 50 word short story in poetry format and since it’s October or nearly Halloween, I went with a death/ horror theme. I wanted to see how much impact I could give a poem with as little information about the characters as possible. I wanted there to be a sense of doom but also a feeling of empathy and unresolved questions. Like, did it make you wonder what happened to them? Just like he wondered all those years what happened to her. Did he imagine she was better off without him? Did he wonder if she was happy all those years? Does it make you wonder who they were to each other? Did you feel sad or gutted for him receiving such tragic news? Did you feel empathy or loss for him? Could you feel the mood or “put yourself in his shoes”?
By the way, I didn’t count the “the”, “and”, or “a”.
Can you write a 50 word short story too? I challenge you to do so, and brownie points if you can pull it off in poetry format. It doesn’t have to be a Halloween or horror theme, but if you’re up for the double challenge? I’m sure these 50 word short story thingys exist but I just came up with the idea of doing one in poetry format and Halloween themed. If my little story moved you, hit that like button or drop me a comment. And definitely let me know if you do the challenge. 👻👻👻
Apophis
The service you subscribe to has been temporarily disabled
The lies I was eating too, were all mislabeled
Feelings that could not be swallowed, pushed under the table
The love she was selling you, have clogged your cables
Caring now a fortune and something I’m just not able
Annoyance like a vine and it creeps and entwines
If happiness were a choice they would all still decline
It seems so obvious but they require written signs
Apophis now a decade out from the end-of-times
Life’s so very short but they still won’t understand
And if they wake up now they might feel something grand
And it will be too late when she comes to kiss this land
And if that doesn’t work, well, death has other plans
© Delia Ross. 2019
Life is short, love now… MORE LOVE. The world needs more love. I don’t have time for anything else.
Orpheus
Deeper deeper deeper, she said
Beware, there’s demons everywhere
In the underworld, keep your eyes ahead
Once you go, don’t look back, or I’m dead
And the pain will never stop circling
Your life will always be full of dread
Keep your eyes on the prize instead
Or Hades will keep me prisoner by his bed
Don’t look back, cuz you won’t find me there
© Delia Ross. 2019
I wrote this a while back but never thought it good enough to share…
Depression On
I get so scared, I cut so deep
I tell myself that dying is the latest craze
Everyone has done it who’s already left this plain –
Dying is living’s final stage
And it doesn’t matter how you’re dressed, we all shit the same
And then I go a little deeper cuz this darkness is a maze
And I’m always hoping that it’ll help take away the pain
And so I drown another bottle because big pharma leads the way
And I slow down on the throttle because life is speeding away
But now another year has passed and I’m simply starting to rot
And the doctors write another prescription to try and manage the thought
And I can give another apology, but it’s still all my fault
And remorse it isn’t cheap, it seems they tripled the cost
Let me out, let me out, lemme out of this haze
Let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me dream better days
Goodbye tomorrow, I will seek you in the future
And somewhere in that memory you will wonder why you didn’t mute her
And somewhere in that prison you’ll remember you are your own ruler
Dear future self, please start over
It only takes a step, I promise you’ll find closure
© Delia Ross. 2019
Darkness Falls
Chance was cast aside
Like a broken promise forgotten
Friendship lay there rotting
Like a dead carcass
With his lover circling like a buzzard
Her heart as cold as the Arctic
Black as night is her word
A circus queen for the heartless
I’ve not read a thing she muttered
Nor drank from which she harvest
They are black seeds of dread
Crimson pools of tears from where I bled
Laughter from the ones who never suffered
Jupiter knows the ways I cried
© Delia Ross. 2019
Nothing
You make me feel like all the black emptiness of space. Infinitely nothing. Gone, without a trace. Vanished into oblivion. Banished without face.
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’m So Scared
I’m so scared for that little girl
Who grew up abused in a broken world
By men who only ever used
Who never taught her love
Or how to be well
No one will care
Unless to get rid of
That little girl now five foot six
It matters not if love exists
For it has never reached her lips
Love serves only as a crucifix
Oh how I cry for her!
To her family a stranger
To the world a number
To death an anchor
I cannot save her though I tried
I must now stop being her guide
For I only seem to make her cry
And make her pain multiply
Oh how I hold her tight!
And squeeze with all my might
Her eyes blind from sight
Her body coiled from fright
She is a desperate, fragile thing
The gentleness of a morning spring
A seed in the dark in need of blooming
She is the breath of an angel singing
Oh how I know her aches!
I know her dreams and her mistakes
I know where her branches break
I know the thunder her cries make
Tiny frail hands always with blessings
Teaching others love was always the lessons
Helping others was always the message
But now it’s time to end the sessions
© Delia Ross. 2019
Forbid
It’s over, I sealed the coffin lid
I felt my heart die when I did
I left it with a sign that read “forbid”
And inside that coffin is where I hid
Now comes the peace I’ve been searching for since a kid
© Delia Ross. 2019
Death
I just sort of died.
Nothing more to be said.
No inspiration coming through.
No motivation going out.
Silence. Isolation. Despair.
Gasping for an inch of life.
A real connection.
Anything other than stars to make it better.
More than planets.
Give me wonder on Earth.
In man.
Make me believe I matter again.
Finding the best of the worst.
In any cup.
Empty. Depleted. Agony.
I don’t want T.V.
I don’t want sunshine.
I just want the one thing that I’ll never have.
Love.
Care.
Help.
Concern.
I exist as a slave to the system only.
One I fought and protected.
Some can’t handle the truth.
I keep discovering more.
Must retreat.
Must nurture the dark now.
Feast on it.
Feel things inside me die.
Like hope.
Dreams.
Reason.
More pain now.
To cover the broken spots.
More calluses forming.
More soul bleeding.
Leaking into nothingness.
Becoming one with it.
Acceptance.
I am nothing.
I am no more.
But something new dying.
Which results in me crying.
I don’t even try.
The warmth on my cheek is soothing.
Let it thaw you.
All things die.
Fertilizer for regrowth.
Play in the ashes.
Taste the salt.
Rub it on a wound.
More coming soon.
More death. More dying.
Starving.
For anything.
A touch.
Yes.
Importance.
Maybe.
Invisibility.
Reality.
I don’t want food.
I need a kiss.
A hug.
A worth.
I own the night.
This is my playground.
Lu offers refuge.
Massaging my despair.
Wanting to nest my soul.
Come on sweetheart.
I’ll pull out the red carpet.
Don’t worry about the blood.
It too will pass.
I’ll walk beside you in this land.
Would you like a hand?
Another bargain perhaps?
Apophis is coming.
One decade left.
What is it worth?
Everything hurts.
He’s right, again.
Cunning and always right.
A white hole now black.
More night.
Can’t see color in the dark.
One final place for my thoughts.
They congregate in my halls.
I want them to fuck off.
They will.
As they are killed.
I slaughter and murder them.
So I can’t feel.
I can see everything clearly now.
And that too hurts.
Make me blind.
I never want to see again.
Black Rose
All these highs, all these lows
Learn to love him, where he goes
Give him patience, room to grow
Love him as he leaves the show
Love the pain that he bestows
Love him while you watch love decompose
Love him as you would the blackest rose
© Delia Ross. 2019
Home
Take your absence, take your leave
Drink a bottle, forget about me
Remove my heart from your sleeve
Dig a hole where you can grieve
Place it with a stone
Mark it unknown
That’s where my love has gone
Now you have a home
© Delia Ross. 2019
Trespass
Some are confused about what happens when you pass
Some are tossed away and left in the trash
Others buried deep below, underneath the clean, mowed grass
Others gather promptly like they are going to a class
Bodies dressed in the finest silk and brass
Others drop a tear while they’re refilling up their glass
Some will bring you food after leaving from their flats
And whisper to the living that this pain too shall pass
Bodies decompose, they stink and fill with gas
You’ll never even know, you’re too busy chasing ass
It’s really how it goes, didn’t mean to break your glass
As accidents will show, death will always come trespass
© Delia Ross. 2019
Tomb
She laid down her head on top of his tomb
It’ll quickly be over, it’ll be over soon
She’d been planning for days, it’ll happen by noon
Finally time for a nap, resting below is her groom
© Delia Ross. 2019
Heart Failure
All my plans haven’t gone away
They’ve really just been delayed
People they fret I can’t explain
They all just sort of strayed
It’s not my style to beg or plead
I sometimes require aid
They all want something from me
I have nothing for trade
Many years spent on this journey
Every direction came a grenade
You tell a different story
That isn’t the life that you portrayed
Why do you get all the glory
While I’m prisoner in this stockade
No need for you to hurry
My heart rotted and decayed
© Delia Ross. 2019
Love Is Always On
It’s the age of constant distraction
Beauty defined by plastic fashion
Such savagery over the next caption
Going to extremes to prove an action
Hate on the menu for us to ration
One kiss you’ll learn he fakes the passion
His love is always on automation
An impeccable liar, the best in the nation
A list of broken souls should be confirmation of his vocation
He’s never been out of rotation
I hope death will be his next vacation
© Delia Ross. 2019
No title
The world sleeps
It passes noise for confusion
Sleep for delusion
Death it still creeps
© Delia Ross. 2019
An Ode To Dawn
Down by the water
I saw her fall
Dawn by the river
She knew it all
She wore mourning
like a night dress
She was the absolute best
Her blue eyes could put you to the test
She always wore mourning best
Dawn by the ocean
She works best in motion
Her and I caused so much commotion
Down she falls
Dawn she calls
We fall like dolls
When Dawn she calls
Down by the water
She works harder
Dawn was smarter
She was my armor
I lost Dawn by the water
I was left alone to falter
I still call on her
Down by the water
© Delia Ross. 2019
For Meika Dawn Capps who died by suicide in 1993. She was the end of me.
#BFF
My Son Part 3: Half of Her Life
“The being he’s been waiting for has just opened her eyes.
There was a feeling of dread, but not a look of surprise.
He knew her at first site but she did not know his face,
He had his work cut out for him, her memory to replace.
A man who was a monster had perfected an art,
to bring back the dead and do it with just one body part.
Her husband had brought in a container of red,
and there was no touch of guilt or second thought in his head.
He would have her love,
the one who went away.
The one who made a promise,
half of her, the body, but the mind decayed.
And as the weeks past, he fed her the past.
But the scars on her wrists were given no fact,
He said she must got them from broken windows or barbed wire,
the blood covered furniture and clothes went into the fire.
She ate it all up and her husband was content,
He didn’t have it all, but it was worth what he spent.
But every so often, his memory took him to,
the horrible consequences of the life he would choose.
But he would still have her love,
and he would get her back slowly.
She would forget her promise,
half of her, man-made, and surely unholy.
But she always grew restless when he wasn’t around.
When she closed her eyes and tried hard no explanation was found.
Then wandered into a room where the standing mirror was stashed,
and too her surprise, it wasn’t her in the glass.
But it looked as if it was a younger look-a-like.
And the image moved it lips, spoke and had a voice like a spike.
She would show off her arms and reveal no scars,
and she’d tell her of the real reason that her memories depart.
“He just wanted your love;
did he mention your son?
I can see not by the look in your eyes”
Half of her, other in the mirror, she couldn’t shun.
She confronted her husband with the story she heard,
and he just stood still and spoke not a word.
And without even thinking twice gathered all the mirrors,
and locked them in the basement to hide from his fears.
And in fury, he jumped on her, strangled her, bashed her head.
But you know you can’t kill what is already dead!
The tears in his eyes, he couldn’t bare that she knew the truth,
He passed out from exhaustion and she took him to his room.
He just wanted her love,
and now it was falling apart.
But she wandered to the basement of mirrors,
Half-and-half brought together from the dark.
He awoke and the memories came back,
so slow he had to catch his breath.
But he heard laughing in the dining room,
He rushed into to see pictures of a bride and groom.
His lovely wife regained her mind,
and forgave her love for she knew he meant right.
And they sat together and laughed without shivers,
looking for hours at wedding pictures.
He just wanted her love,
and he had found it at last.
The deeds may have been in sin,
More or less, who’s to guess?
With or without a son,
they sealed their love with a kiss.
Because the promise was built on their love,
two halves, sown together, at the wrists”.
© Delia Ross. 2010
Made of Steel
Lay down your guards
I’ll lay down my shield
I’m not here to wound
To punish or kill
Distance can be measured in yards
There is still so much that I haven’t revealed
Place a new bet or just lay down your cards
Everything must be of our own free will
I’ve been getting drunk on the wrong boulevards
Spending time lost, crying and roaming the field
Most of the time I forget to send my regards
Too broken and shattered and trying to heal
Everyone warned me that life would be hard
Your death opened wounds that never have healed
I’m just a gal that most disregards
Or maybe they think we’re all made of steel
© Delia Ross. 2019
My Son Part 2: The Note Beneath His Pillow
“My darling husband, I can’t look at your face,
I made a promise but it went to waste.
The lovely day when we became one,
and the lovely night when we planned our son.
But now I’ve never felt so low before,
I don’t want to look in your eyes anymore.
I saw your pain when you heard the news,
we asked God for another but he must have refused.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
The one that I knew could carry my soul,
the one who could shield me from the cold.
You lent me all that you had inside,
I tried to give him to you, you know that I tried.
I saw you crying as I came to,
Losing myself was all I could do.
I never looked right at you again,
I regret it now, since you needed a friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
And I was wallowing and rolling in the pool of blood,
The Rivers that originated from me would flood.
All I tasted and felt was the death,
of my baby boy who would never have breath.
I cried for you, baby; I cried for you in fright,
Years went by in that one horrid night.
Would we ever be the same? Would we ever smile?
Would I ever get over it? Am I too fragile?
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.
Things are a little more clear now;
there is a sense of peace in the solution I found.
Strange I choose to bathe in blood;
again, it might as well be mud.
And soon I’ll rest in the dirt with the worms,
and never again feel this heart that burns.
I may be letting you down again,
but it’s only one more time, you were my very best friend.
And all I wanted was to carry your name,
now I hide my head in shame.
And your face that day in my mind remains;
I’m not even a woman anymore.”
© Delia Ross. 2010
Stay tuned for: My Son Part 3: Half of Her Life
When It Ends
When it ends there’s not going to be time for goodbyes
A suitcase packed fully won’t lessen your fall
Or keeping all your money on your credit cards
A shoebox with keepsakes won’t help you at all
It won’t matter if you try to run or if you crawl
It’s too late for apologies when time is near our end
Debts should have been settled while we were still friends
Begging won’t account for much at all I contend
Looking back, don’t you regret it was all just pretend?
Don’t you know your promises are vague and empty here
Any morals that you had will likely soon disappear
Those lies you spin and weave so well
Are fine like silk or expensive cashmere
Years to practice your art, now a master puppeteer
Raise them high enough up,so they can really feel your jeer!
When it ends there’s not going to be time for goodbyes
The train may have whistled but it’s already passed by
There’s nothing you can do about all you made cry
Might as well tell the truth we all saw through your disguise
There’s nothing left to compromise or to fantasize
You turned your only gift into Jekyll and Hyde
© Delia Ross. 2019
Epitaph
And there upon my epitaph shall say, “died in the womb”, for life never existed and the heart was a broken tomb.
© Delia Ross. 2019
War
Take heed my warning
For death is coming
The skies are painted red
Mud instead is raining
And burying the dead
No amount of training
Prepared for the bloodshed
© Delia Ross. 2019
PoeEternal 