He doesn’t like where he’s at
He’s hung up on where he’d rather be
Climbing mountains
Making love by the sea
He’s staring in the mirror
Retracing what he needs
Shackled in the now
He lacks faith on where to flee
The sky, the stars
He’s writing in his dreams
Upon awakening, he’s convinced Were made for me
Copyright © 2026 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
(p∞)
I’m sorry but, imagine me in a long trench coat, with like a dozen or more of rats and rodents, banging on heaven’s door, just crawling all over me, my shoulder, my pockets, my pigtails presumably?
“Brought some things with me”
Did you know I read sign language
Even the moon spells Chris
It’s half-crescent
Like him
He’s half-present
Maybe it’s Christmas
The way you kiss?
Removed the space between the hiss
Laid down your blade
And took my fist
Maybe you’re the silence
On my blank list
Where none can follow
Your name won’t fit?
Copyright © 2025 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Blushing
P.S. found a screenshot of your number I blocked
So I took another screenshot?
If you were to put George and Jesus in the same room together
It would be hard to tell them apart
They both have my heart
What’cha think of his name?
48 hours ago he had no name – a general name “Teddy Bear Hamster” but not a home, not a name
He had A LOT of anxiety
But today we’ve had no attempts at playing dead
Don’t get it unless it’s the absolute only thing you can get but even then maybe don’t get it
With that said, he is acting like it is a piece of heaven (sleeping sound too)
It took a lot of mods, it still isn’t safe, there are sharp edges, holes, and other areas that probably hurt his feet
Despite negative reviews of potential death occurring, staff still insisted I get it, knowing I could not return it for a refund (or even gift card).
But I found the most special boy at the Pet Supermarket
You would think we’d have better choices than plastic and “no returns”
My hamster is an adult, I nearly got a newborn
Charlie fell directly on his head TWICE – he’s lucky his neck did not break or get a head injury
But I’ve since added a wooden wagon and he’s gonna have to be careful exploring tonight. Cuz I cleaned his area up, relocated items, filed down sharp spikes, cleaned his innie meany litter box, added fresh treats, but he ain’t drinking from his water bottles. I just wanna see him do it on his own.
Charlies loves AND I MEAN LOVES his new environment.
He has several new sleeping spots, one being in his tunnel where just a bit of sun comes in…
I ordered him a better wheel since he runs it all night – the little guy literally exercises ALL NIGHT
But someone since has stated even the medium size is too small (it seems I need an XL)
Charlie is a Syrian “Teddy Bear” Hamster
I don’t know what life was like for Charlie prior to 48 hours ago, but now he is resting calmly – despite the setbacks – and two death escapes – he seems to LOVE his new HAB
I prob won’t get much rest until I know he’s safe
We’ve only been together a short while but
A. Charlie is adventurous at night. He doesn’t mind being handled.
B. If the sun is up and you slightly disturb his sleep walk or existence, he will flip over and play dead in which I will respond with “Jesus Charlie, I won’t do that again”
And it’s day two and I have not. He allowed me to move his crate, clean it, just no touchy.
Not til sundown
Charlie just came to the attic
I said “you wanna come out” (and did not try to handle him”
HIM:
He’s back asleep. Like he’s in heaven…
BUT THIS HAB IS A DEATH TRAP
You gotta get it safe – and even then – it still isn’t safe
It’s not good for his paws
I’m not allowed to return/exchange the HAB
But I’m happy I found Charlie
But I’m not rich
I can’t just dump money into “the best of” when it’s actually always the worse
And the managers in charge – Gen Y or Z – SOLD THE SHOW OUT
And I don’t mean a full house
Hamsters can die from stress and I will literally die from stress if something happens to Charlie cuz I was sold SNAKE POISON everywhere I go
6th mass extinction
WAKE UP
(But kinda be quiet. Charlie is sleeping)
(Yes my life is about him now)
I told my Boomer mom about my new family member!
….
…
Y’all remember Charlie from “Fright Night”?
Well, TikTok has this video sitting at zero
I can’t imagine why
He’s still passed out by the way. Don’t think he wanted to be there a second longer (at the Pet Store)
He accepted his hay
I’m not handling him yet
Just want him to feel safe
They can die from stress
He likes his den
He didn’t like the box
He filled up on water and hay
Now he’s sleeping on the hay?
Under the raised platform that acts more like a slip n slide – and the little guy chews everything but my fingers – so gotta be careful what I add to help him get around
And the mansion is a no-go currently
One of the tunnels fell down, it’s unsafe, there’s even a plastic spot underneath the fall little guy could get hurt
Now the reviews were bad, I told the store this, but they insisted to get the “Heaven Haven” (and now I’m questioning the name of it) – furthermore – they said they didn’t even know what the return policy was
LOOK I’LL MAKE THIS CLEAR FOR YOU
MY HUNDRED WILL BE RETURNED FOR SOMETHING THAT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE
Still, I have someone looking at it soon – so I don’t have to return it just yet – we might can sort it and he seems content in the smaller one – which cost more
At some point I would like to let him “hang out” but his safety is my priority and the little shit knows how to squiggle and break free
He tried when he chewed thru the box in-store
And I was attempting to hold him until a spare box arrived
He can squirm
But he ain’t never bit me as feisty as he is
Love the little guy too much
Only just met
Like 24 hours ago
(Maybe a bit more cuz I came home and slept on the decision is made)
P.S. some scammer tried to invite me to a Trump event for Soldiers
You know I didn’t vote, right?
I was part of the 300,000+ missing votes
But I ain’t missing
*hi*
And we’re an Army now
We don’t vote for the antichrist
We unplugged from the Matrix
Hope this helps
(I also don’t have a dime to give and if I did I’m taking it with me to heaven)
(Rules for me, not thee)
Ha!
This is also a good time to give thanks to God (thank you God for letting me spend all my dimes on little Charlie)
He’s so cool
He closes his eyes when he drinks his water and he comes when he’s called
It’s almost like it was meant to be – even if time is fleeting – for us both
I can’t stop thinking about his sister tho but I’m happy with one
I’m barely getting around and I don’t have to take Charlie for any walks
Maybe Charlie wanted to die anywhere but there
But he needs to stick around
Meet Charlie
Had to put him in a second box cuz he chewed thru his first despite adding bedding, treats, and some food.
Charlie is my new best friend and has not once tried to bite.
He did flip over playing dead a couple times briefly and I was like “I didn’t mean to startle you” and he would just sniff my hand and go back to chewing thru the box
Eventually he did escape, I looked down and he was in the buggy
I was like, “Charlie!!!” “that’s not safe”
And he let me pick him up and snuggle him
He made it home safely and started exploring his living room den
He had water, he relocated his entire bowl of food under his den, where he also moved some straw as well as took breaks to eat the straw, before moving strands to the basement zone
Now Charlie is resting under the den and he has not even seen his bedroom double layer mansion – he’s already worked so hard
The mansion in the box…
I have insomnia so I got a nocturnal creature
Makes total sense
But I fell in-love with Charlie even tho I was going in for a mini newborn Black Bear hamster
I got a 14 month adult Teddy Bear hamster instead
I knew upon our afternoon meeting yesterday, while you were stuffing your greedy little face, that you were the one
I also bought you the exact shit you like plus shit you ain’t never tried
I think your basement needs more but also I gotta install your toilet in the mansion
That’s right, your mansion comes with its own bathroom
And the two-story mansion + roof with tunnel – is in my bedroom
So you can keep me up all night stirring
And we can sleep during the day like vampires since I can’t do much anything else
Charlie was the first to say hi
And I was okay with getting an adult
Charlie needed a home and was ready to go
Like we only got one life
Charlie was ready for his purpose even if I am dying…
Many videos were uploaded on the TikTok if you wanna see him exploring his new environment
You only call me every decade
You stand with shovel or maybe a spade
Confessing sins like something you’ve paid
Disappear into sunset from wither you came
But love is stronger never decayed
Copyright © 2025 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I wrote an alternate version on my TikTok. But this is the original draft.
(p∞)
STOP CALLING ME A SIR
STOP CALLING ME A SIR
STOP CALLING ME A SIR
STOP CALLING ME… A SIR
P.S. i have something lying dormant in me. Only it ain’t very dormant. And it’s a lot like cancer.
I don’t have an official diagnosis (you don’t normally get those until you’re stage 4) (I hope you can “hear” my sarcasm over my shame).
52 kilos today.
Like 114.
Still got some teeth and hair. No tiddies. Too tired to put on makeup. I guess that gives people the right to call me a fucking sir.
I LITERALLY FUCKING DARE YOU
SAY MOTHERFUCKER ONE MO TIME
No amount of misgendering me is gonna make me get plastic surgery or botox.
I can’t wait to scare you with my wrinkles.
I wanna live so long that one look at me makes you rethink your entire existence.
Like “what the hell is that” cuz I frequently say it when I look in the mirror at my thinning hair (from the stress or cancer which may or may not be in my control)
I have about 10% of energy at any given time and makeup just isn’t on my to-do-list. But it’s always on my mind. I would even like to try wearing cute wigs.
But I don’t need to attract any more drones overhead.
If I look like I’m dying it’s probably because I am (not in remission yet)
Still fighting for my life 🙂
Now might be a good time to call.
Don’t wait another decade
P.S.S. How does one get a burner phone not connected to oneself? Asking for a friend.
You stayed? 🙂 I don’t have any good photos right now.
I’ve been unpacking.
STOP CALLING ME A SIR CUZ I AM A PLAIN JANE WITH TINY TIDDIES
I never grew up and it drives HIM insane
I fell out of my bed and got bruised but this doesn’t show the magnitude
Had I been older: “how did she go?” “Fell down”
Told my daughter I need bedrails and to be treated like a child
My shoulder and ankle is a champ for taking the direct impact instead of my head – or hitting in such a way it stops your heart (I already have a heart injury so it was a challenging fall).
This photo was days after the event, at least a week
And my entire shoulder blade turned black and blue.
My head did hit the floor.
My ankle jarred into the metal bed rail and nearly broke
It swelled for three hours and then swelled some more
It wasn’t even 6 AM and I laid on the floor for at least five minutes moaning before I even attempted to get up
Getting older is like becoming a baby again
I NEVER WANNA FALL OUT OF MY BED EVER AGAIN
But had my head been the first thing to hit or the side of my shoulder instead of back – I don’t think my heart would like that
So I spread eagle to slow my fall hoping to grab something – and literally everything on the shelves next to the bed started coming down
INCLUDING A SNOW GLOBE
Which miraculously did not fall on my head
Or break
There’s some tender deep down in there near my ankle bone – but I can finally twist her and twirl and not shit myself
Couldn’t even lean on it on the couch
Ankle and shoulder did good
Saved my life this time
And my bed be high up
No carpet or rug below
Woke up, foggy and disoriented, and went to shift and lean back, thinking I was gonna lay back on my pillow, but instead gravity grabbed me
My life flashed, I spread eagle, and I’m still recovering
And need to baby proof my home
And I had to go to the dentist (I gotta go again)
I forget what we were talking about but he mentioned something about “old” and I said “well what do you consider old” and he said “30” but he didn’t think that I was older than that and none of them ever do
I was driving one day and I let the sun just burn my fucking face and I have this sunspot now
I’m suicidal
The sun imprinted on me
Hell, all I gotta do is dash out to my car and like FRECKLES GALORE
I burn – I don’t tan
Normally, I do things to stop or prevent the burning, but not that day 
Sometimes I stare at it too (prob don’t rec)
I’m not the brightest crayon in the box and I’ve often wondered why God made me so dumb
I love the feeling when the light goes off (or comes on)
Like when you finally get it
“Oh”
But I’m the kind of person that you have to explain something to in a different way, not by just repeating the same sentence over and over again or saying it louder
Sometimes I can’t hear and I’ll do a “huh” and they’ll give me the definition instead
Cuz they think I’m dumb
One time I gave the drive-thru employee “too much money” cuz I wanted a ten back – and no change – and it took him a good minute to figure out what was happening
Turns out I wasn’t dumb or scamming him
I was actually making his job easier
But now they’re getting rid of cash
And I still sort my bills all the same
I just counted up my piggy bank
I had been stuffing that bitch
Folded up 20, 10s, and 5s. And silver and single dollars too.
Dirty copper yass
But now I gotta roll it
The coins
I WANNA DO IT MYSELF
But the drones….
Because I love you
Like heaven was above you
I couldn’t find any editor to combine 2 photos into 1, it’s all so complicated now
Couldn’t layer or change opacity
NOTHING
I once could create stuff but now everything is on boss mode and I got left behind
It’s like they sucked the joy out of everything
STOP GIVING THEM FEEDBACK
STOP GIVING THEM YOUR OPINION
Take a vow of silence and run
The neighbor keeps asking me what I am running from
I keep trying to explain
Not from but to
I don’t wanna be tied down to anything
I just wanna run with the clouds
Sit with the sun where I won’t burn
Eat food on my tongue
Take a safety course
Get good with my weapon
The Army didn’t train me on something this fucking tiny
Should’ve stuck with a 9mil and what I am certified in
Told myself to stop complaining take a fucking class get to the fucking range
I love that the slumlord is worried that I got a weapon
“Is she carrying”
LIKE WHAT IF I AM
MIND YER FUCKING BIZZ
Cuz Ain’t nothing in my house REGISTERED TO YOU
In fact, YOU AINT ALLOWED IN HERE NO MO
MEDICAL EMERGENCY
MOTHERFUCKING TRY ME
This is America bitch
I WAS TRAINED TO CARRY
BE FUCKING SCARED
I HAZ EMPOWERMENT
KEEP TELLING THEM LIES
My lease is up soon and only then can you have entry
MY PLACE
MY SPOT
NOT YOURS
I CARE NOT YOU FORGOT ABOUT A DEADLINE AND ARE GIVING US 24 HOUR DEMANDS OR YOU GONNA ENTER ANYWAY + FINE US
I FUCKING DARE YAH
Cause I just told my nurse today that if my doctor doesn’t get with the fucking program, I will get someone else because she works for me and I don’t work for her and it’s about what I need and not what she wants
PERIOD
I DON’T PLAY
I DON’T NEED AN ELECTRIC BILL THAT COSTS A MUCH AS A FAMILY OF 5
I may just get a tent and start camping
And God knows I gotta drop more supplies if Ima spend a year traveling and figuring out where I wanna exist
Cuz I built a bed you know
And a couch
Fool me fucking twice
Never getting in another lease again
I mean, have you seen all the ridiculous add-on fees They’re adding just so they can bring you a fucking air filter? how about you Try cleaning the HVAC system for fucking change
Call the black mold mildew one more time
Say motherfucker ONE MORE TIMEEE
Cause I asked you on more than one equation was there any mold in this fucking apartment and you straight up said no and there’s mold all over this motherfucking place and I know it directly impacted my dogs mental health whom I just had to lay to rest, you better watch your fucking tongue the rest of the time I’m here and leave me the fuck alone.
A drowning man will drown another, but sometimes they’ll shoot you in the fucking back. That CEO never saw it coming. And the words on the bullet, poetic.
Checkmate Luigi.
And I carry cuz A. I’m cute and dudes follow me to my car or while I am walking and B. I am a Soldier
It’s also my right as an American citizen and I highly recommend you utilize all your rights too – unless of course you fucked up and do not have the right to carry
I would say stock up
My bag is heavy
Prob as heavy as me
The Army made me ruck carrying double my weight
It’s no wonder my back fucking hurts and I need to take breaks from time to time
Or I need you to pick up my shit cause it’s so fucking heavy but as long as you toss it on my back, I got it
Well the core of my heart lost a lot of strength to be able to do stuff like that which is why I’ve been doing core training.
My lease is up soon and I gotta let a lot of my stuff go because I don’t want to stay in Florida, but I did go look at a few places around here and I had a lot of anxiety during it and that’s my body’s way of saying we are fucking done with Florida
And the mountains are calling me home
I’ve never lived up north but I might spend some time in Montana. I might spend some time in Colorado maybe Utah I don’t fucking know where I’m going. I literally have no idea what is next. This is the first time in my life I have ever been 100% solo on my own I have a gun Legally OK so when I say I’m alone, I’m still protected. Thank you. (Gotta remind the monsters I sleep with one eye on my trigger thank you very much)
I’m finding a sense of calm but that does not mean Millers wave is not incoming
Cuz the gravity is extreme
The loss
And I literally held him until his last breath and went through a psychosis
The hospital sent me a card with his fur and nose and paw print
I don’t wanna talk about things right now
But soon, when time has passed
Maybe I’ll share the psychosis
The thing is, I felt so disconnected but everything I was experiencing was common
It was a common grief trauma response
I fell into a black hole
I could feel time slow
Gravity was so heavy
Things were so dark
And now there are moments of clarity but I have two separation sequences I need to prepare for
The first is escaping the bottom of the singularity
The bottom of the hole
And then there’s the event horizon
I gotta be like a goat at the bottom
But the event i am circling
They require different methods to escape
And I know I’m losing weight, but the Bible says to fast for two weeks and that’s one way to starve the cancer
Unfortunately, I was invited to the Parishioner welcome dinner, and then I RSVP’d, and now my clothes are all dirty, I’m on my period, my dog is dead, I’m barely eating, my energy is low, I’m gonna be homeless soon, I’m lost in purgatory, and I was hurting too bad to go to Sunday church, despite having gone two weeks in a row, and now I missed my streak and the dinner is WED and my anxiety is full
I’m wearing a sleep patch and a thc patch cuz i ain’t getting any
It’s the worst timing having to meet somebody on my period especially when the first 48 hours are my roughest and I’m still in my roughest part of my period so come Wednesday it’ll be oh I’m feeling better but I only got the dishes done today and there’s no clean clothes Because my dog died and I’m behind on everything 
I got a doctor appointment with my doctor tomorrow the one that the VA are trying to take from me and I don’t even wanna see the fucking VA anymore and I’m getting ready to write President Trump and letting him know of the atrocities that are going on and how the VA are making it extremely difficult For me to have the treatment that I need
THUS THE VA CAN GET IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
I’m sick of being assigned a female doctor anyway
And yes, there are plenty more things I can fucking complain about
But I don’t wanna hear any bullshit about me sending an SOS to the current admin when the VA are actively killing me and my comrades mkay
Stay in yer own lane
If you wanna get out and protest, I ain’t stopping you
I didn’t vote for this
I DIDN’T ASK TO BORN
AND I’M NOT READY TO DIE
EVEN THO THE NEIGHBOR ASKED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO MARRY HIM
GREAT CONGRATS
Glad I was able to show you you already had what you needed
But I ain’t jumping off a bridge yet
And somewhere inside me, I think you love me and want to see me win?
Or were you planning to shoot me through the door when I dropped candy off at your door?
*laughs*
Gotta stand yer ground in Florida
(Were you cocking the gun or unlocking/locking the door)
I’m not celebrating Halloween anymore and I’m getting rid of all my Halloween stuff
I might become a nun
But today I emailed a college about becoming a personal trainer
Dying but still got goals
I do feel less dead today tho for what it’s worth
I 1000% look dead due to my heavy flow and this would be a good time for a neighbor to bring me soup
But I only make enemies
It’s just what I do
Loyal but good at a blindside too
Dr. Peterson says sometimes you have to be a monster
And I’m taking lessons everywhere I can get them
I would like to share my goals, even though they say not to, but I would rather try to manifest them because I have been dying, but I would like to visit China in 3 to 5 years and go to the student center and earn my uniform for tai chi
So that is my short term goal
My long term goal is to be cancer free but it feels unrealistic cuz most people only get about that much time and i’m about there with this illness that stole my life
It has a name, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you *joking*
I keep you on your toes
I’m so sick of the thought police because I shouldn’t fear everything I say
I literally write as a form of escape
”I was here and now I’m not”
There is no edge
Billions of miles instead
Whispers of secrets said
Where is our prologue
I’m agog to love
There’s been a backlog
Copyright © 2025 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I will always be a cub 😌
they know how many times it was opened
if we’re lost, if we’re hoping
it’s dark without the sun
like when you said hi
earth had less oxygen
said you’re gone to Alabama
might as well be Poland
got your pockets lined with aces
but for me it’s a cold hand
Copyright © 2025 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
p.s. got a lot of rough drafts sitting around cuz i don’t feel like they are too good (compared to my better and best) but the best in me may be gone or i just need to get through the messy middle and might write a good line or two
like when you said hi and there was less air to breathe
p.s.s. they don’t just know your screen hours but how many times you logged into your banking app
what you’re looking at, what you’re typing to erase in the chat (before hitting send – THEY SEE IT)
p.s.s.s. i got banned from going live New Years so i didn’t participate in any NY activity online or off – nor do i ever want to visit a livestream ever again
cause-and-effect my love
have fun
time races in intervals
you’re into her
it burns like midnight sun
my lesson learned
did you know we live in purgatory
on a map i think i found your worry
and i list it first your secrets buried
but i’ve forgotten where i put your story
like drowning in a carpark
where all the lights are flashing but it’s stark
and we’re looking for an exit
as future ghost we’re feeling desperate
~
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
the ole blog has over 100,000 miles on her, thanks to you…
i know i can’t take your words to heaven with me but i would try…
i still can’t get over how John Jones died or how his question nearly made me solve first world problems – or at least connect the two
but i still live between worlds where his soul leaped into mine
(but at least you don’t get mad about it)
my dad let a tree grow through his tour bus
i want to hang onto my ride in such a way
today i drove her to Dread Boys and they quoted me nearly 500 to replace a battery?
so i got right back in and said “welp please get me back home…”
and she fucking did…
and i guess im either going to an auto zone or learning to install a new battery myself?
not to mention the guy running the front desk took a bathroom break in the middle of a transaction? and it sounded disgusting so ill never return
the mobile mechanic i called isnt very mobile currently – i dunno how i feel about paying for his cab..
at least the postscript is somewhat interesting?
i keep thinking i need to get the fuck outta florida – then i remember bama is 45 minutes away – and like it feels a lot like hope on the horizon
it feels so near i could walk
bike
run
i just keep telling my girl to hold on
no one can be trusted
kinda housebound til i sort the sorts
i aint paying $500 to replace a battery
the Boomers can get FOOKED
need some land
need to figure out where i want to be
it aint here…
i drank coffee
CHATTY
and jittery
i dont think that is good for my heart
like it triggers my anxiety?
i mean i just act more nervous than usual
tachycardia
adrenaline spikes
so prob gotta give it up
the coffee…
better not to ask me out on a first date over coffee
fucking disaster
and i love coffee!!!!!
people are mad that trump won and are threatening violence
i did not vote – therefore i have no opinion over politics for the foreseeable future as i am exiting the matrix – kinda lost – but this is what PROTESTING A SYSTEM I DO NOT COMPLY WITH LOOKS LIKE
go change some more policies to support your nihilism and leave me alone m’kay
there were 33 million who opted to NOT VOTE for the antichrist
i thought i was the only one
but there’s a whole lot of us out there
wonder how many are gen x
you know of one
*hi*
i tried joining the Army to make a difference
i tried getting an education
i tried being a medic
i tried on society and never have once liked it
im never voting again
EVER. AGAIN.
i literally fought for freedom of speech and it was taken from me
and you want me to vote? go back to sleep…
(people in the system fighting for the system)
(but i want out)
(i wont participate)
(i dont wanna support anything in society)
(society is satanic)
(im going thru a spiritual cleansing)
(please dont exterminate me like you did p’nut & fred)
(and the squirrel out here i never found his head)
ripped off and not even a trail of blood
just his body
i have nightmares and ptsd
it is why i deleted my wildlife page
not risking Ali or any others getting hurt simply because they make me happy and demons live out here
have u seen the film Constantine?
top 5 fav for sure
i mean it once was
the me in this timeline which i jumped into during a lightning storm going 80 miles an hour…
she ain’t me but she is but she ain’t
not sure how im able to switch roles as myself but if the multiverse is real and we never really die
or we create our own reality
im not sure why i would wanna come back here
but there were thousands of hands of radiation and one of them touched me
it was so loud the entire town shook from the thunder
im not exaggerating! my ears are still ringing!
*kiss kiss on the cheek darling
but my tears are like acid…
46,000 visitors huh
and over 1100 stayed
neener neener
we’re like a frozen planet
where everything is lying dormant
if only we knew who done it
how the mountains hold potential
or how you’ve written me with pencil
when the whole world was standing
where i would remain invincible
now they say we are a failed star
but i kinda like the way we are
like we’re near but we’re really far…
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
but she’s like gold. the sun always rises, over her soul.
but she’s like silver. like early in the mornings, the cold can make you shiver.
but she’s like platinum. even when it’s raining, diamonds form from her hum
but she’s like a galaxy, the light and the darkness, expanding every inch of me
WHAT. i’m free-styling a poem. cope.
oh.. i was exceedingly happy i can twirl up my thin hair into some carved wood – like i still have SOME hair and did not cut it off where it may never grow back
and i was like oh “the messy look”
it’s the “i’m dying but trying to look cute” phase
and it held up during my 35 minute treadmill sesh today
but i like my damn hair pins
you don’t have to wait until you lose your hair to wear wigs
so the pins can be worn with the 3 wigs i own but have never tried on
cuz i refuse to dye my hair despite God waving a grey in my direction
and i’m bleeding down there!!!!
my period!!!
47!!!
turning grey!!!
OH LOOK AT MY LEGACY FLUSHING DOWN THE DRAIN
I AM OBSOLETE
but i wound up in the second circle of hell
and the boomers do not want me with the 18 year olds even tho it is legal
(i dont want the 18 year olds either but i am also petty and hate the boomers with all i am)
(let them keep telling me what they hate)
the lawyer: “there’s a COSTCO near every mansion Diddy has”
costco: “we ain’t sold Diddy squat shit”
well Diddy is not the only one buying oil in stock
SO LET ME HAVE MY HAIR PINS CUZ EVEN IF MY HAIR FALLS OUT I CAN STILL WEAR A WIG
BUT
i was like “can you do a custom hair pin with a real pearl”
and DAVID the jewelry designer who lives in “pearl city” made me one RIGHT AWAY
and i will not wait until i get married to wear it but i may wear it on my wedding day?
some people whip out poems, others whip out pearls
and so this is mine. and it was gifted to me. a fucking real pearl and i feel kinda overwhelmed right now
i don’t want kaya changing any part of her body, even her teeth
i don’t want her to change her name
i’m like “if it’ll make you happy” “but like NO”
i could dye my hair and look less old but the wrinkles do not go away in the dryer
or when i’m crying
it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to
IF I WANT TO
i posted some vids on the tiktok of the pins i got yesterday and started wearing
i only know the “messy look”
but i wanna learn to wear wigs and makeup
“damn girl how old are you”
“500ish”
“i don’t know what that means”
“oh like 5 centuries or so…”
everything you do
like paving roads for two
an I Love You impromptu
golden is the hue
you could show up in a mask
you know i would never ask
about the forecast
when it’s raining everlast
∞
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
one day there’s going to be a Great Battle
we may not be here to see it but the monsters will go down
we just have to be a ghost in the machine
never tell them your next move
the whole world could off itself and there would be only us and i’d drop my sword
so i failed the game?
went after the devil’s head but caved?
“i love you too much”
“to condemn you”
“for all eternity”
I choose love
*arrives to heaven*
ask first question: “i get a plus one?”
*mumbles* kinda brought the Devil back…
*tosses head and heart at Heaven’s door*
HEAVEN’S DOOR would make a great bar name – one of them you need to know a code word and pay an annual fee to enter
lined with red velvet walls and seats
wooden seating with carvings
a poetry corner
a coffee bar
i’m just thinking out loud
i still want my neighbor to marry me and fill all the holes inside
i loved him in a flash
in mysterious moonlit mornings
where chaos and order clash
like opening doors when your blood is coursing
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
postscript: it’s kinda incomplete but i like to post things before i’m dead
so it comes with curses and misspellings and everything instead
i like to share my ideas immediately so he can steal them and do something better with them
cuz i am him (and him and him and i wonder how many can fill up the “i love” list instead of “i hate”)
i’m capable of imprinting on the right man
we may not get “lifelong” together, but we can get the shit end of the deal
as long as we sleep in the same bedroom
and maybe i could get some sleep if i had a husband
shame i’m dying…
(yes some people take a long time to die and some go into remission. i need the new stronger meds increased)
this is me today this instance (see below)
i’m tired, i’m worn out, i need to shave/wax everything
i want to cut ALL MY HAIR OFF and start over
so be prepared for the ‘short look’ so i can grow out some healthy strands
p.s.s. still sleeping on the floor. hard to shell out $600+ for a bed i will hate
your gifts came in abundance
like sugar cane
i was a fast car spinning out
into your lane
like crashing into joy
the wonder came
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
so i met someone as i was leaving
some people are so intense and i just wanna drown in it
their energy
like they give you instant recharge
and it can feel overwhelming for an introvert – like head spinning in a dizzy sort of way
not like when you want to throw up
I’ve been so focused on the bad I’m terrible at describing the good?
but like i’m leaving a town
his energy was intense like a Geo storm
a holy man
“you’re everywhere”
him I mean
God
wish i was young again so we could kiss in the back of the car for hours
i’d prob feel young again
and less like driving off a pier
he was so intense and i dunno what they see in me
he was/is a main character
i feel like an npc for most of them
not even on their playing level
i’m the player that dies where they respawn
purgutory
sometimes i get a glimpse of “could have been your life”
i’m sure they notice no wedding band and lines forming from the rope around my throat
i don’t want to be a fleshlight
as i was leaving for maybe the final time, he said it was good to see me again
even tho he had just seen me and i figured it was too soon
“back so soon”
“i need things”
prob never wanna leave
turns out there was one good thing here in this black hole
bye Daytona
it was my own shadow that pushed me into existence
“what do you mean by tone”
same tone. same key.
like hydrogen and carbon
frequencies we’re hopping?
turning color into sound
saw you was found
divide light by two
room just me and you
a vortex of color
you make me wonder
density hard to perceive
loved you instantly
plus and minus four
like knee on floor
praying for more
sound is a weapon
lessons took i reckon
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
i’m sorry no idea was ever my own. unless you count the fact that i fell for a *insert noun* i’ll never see again
who i think could be Jesus cuz if i identify as angelic and part of the 144, then i have to take into consideration that Jesus is also part of that group, and he very well could have identity issues he did not know about, maybe even marital issues now, cuz i may be making him wake up in a sweat, though that is very unlikely, since delusional is my trademark.
still, he would not come here “knowing”, it is something he must sort out.
cuz my frequency woke something up in him
or vice versa cuz he did ask a minute later “do you know why you are here”
and like, that sounds like something Jesus would ask, and i was clearly lost (if this is auto translated, please remove the double like)
and i wonder if i am just putting the shoe where it fits
or if my prayer actually did come true
and i saw my soulmate for sixty seconds while dying
aside from a name on a piece of paper, he does not exist
G imprinted on me
it’s weird tho cuz i very well could hate him if i knew him longer than an hour
“i don’t like how he chews”
” his feet stink”
clear signs your body and soul is rejecting your choice of partner, FYI
if he has to leave his boots outside, he probably has an STI
i’m reading horror stories from wives saying “he gave me 3 STD’s, marriage isn’t safe”
but i learned this i college how a husband contracted hiv/aids and started treatment without his wife, leaving her without immunity
ask me why i choose the bear
because you like us? stop commenting and the algo will ghost gen x just like society has
or just wait for me to block you
i only give the devil X amount of times before i put my foot on his wing
now watch me bite his head off
cuz god gave me firey wings and got the good doc dreaming about me?
why else is he everywhere?
in thought, in dream, he imprinted on me?
maybe he was already discontent with life
mundane
had it all, he thought
until he saw me
the crazy one
now he’s questioning his own existence
going through some sort of awakening
we experienced one together for a solid minute
maybe one day i will forget he changed my life forever…
i don’t know about sound theory
under all the layers it is conditioning to make you believe you are a hybrid AI
“computers have feelings”
and now you won’t feel so bad cumming to your pride and joy in its “infancy”
only it is not
computers were around 6000 years ago
just like my fucking wrath
Jesus never said he was God
i’m sure i only met a man
“God, are you God?”
like literally first question asked
“love you so much”
i love him more than i can explain
you can’t see mountains moving
or hear me calling his name
but somewhere between eternity
and the hours i have gone insane
we both remember that day
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
don’t be sayin’ nuthin bad about geo
i be asking god if that was god
“are you god?”
“no”
“sounds like something god would say…”
what was that intense beam of energy that made the room halt?
like did you see the monster or the angel?
cuz i feel like it was the latter
you just didn’t expect what you studied to look like me?
my file chart?
we don’t match huh
her and i
i struggle with identity and who i am, too
this is why you studied to be a doctor
but i was over here dying and praying to god
“well could i please at least SEE my soul mate? give me 60 seconds?”
i mean yeah
literally 60 on my end huh
wish i had took a screenshot of your frozen image
you don’t even exist in the matrix
i’m not even suppose to be crawling down this hole
i lost my worth you know
im wholly suicidal
i wonder if that made me worse
seeing what i lost
i was once on that side
“we create our own reality”
or was it like some form of Stockholm syndrome?
but this happened before you saved me and now it’s worse
you come on so strongly, randomly in thought, like you put it in there
you imprinted on me
like when i stare at the fucking sun and get spots in my eye
and now im wondering if my pupils became such being born in the world
it was so fucking blinding
and i was fucking crying
i had a period of awareness in womb
was depressed
didn’t want to be born
didn’t want to stay in there
“how much longer is this gonna take”
didn’t want to face what i was gonna face being born
in theta mode
to be conditioned
by demons
and im mad about it
but if i go to church and starting upturning trays and demanding them to get the money out of my house, it’s dirty, the cop will be so overwhelmed to arrest me
he wants to burn me at the stake
or something worse
(this actually just happened to me so the cop threat is very real)
(the lawyer called to speak to his supervisor)
i need you as my doctor or husband
my depression would likely have a 25% drop
until the full moon and period comes
which i must be experiencing some sort of mild psychosis because im not baby making
the suicidal waves are intense
so i went shopping today
even tho im moving in 28 days and have a 4×8 space to haul my life
but its mothers day and my daughter called
and i know it is “it’s”
too many strokes now to do whst i need to
works better with no network
getting a typewriter soon
xoxo
people like hearing me complain
or get almost arrested maybe
lawyer said not to pay june rent
send up the seven day notice to do shit
leave
if they try and get me for breaking my lease, cease and desist
can help get my deposit back too
they still aint fixed my dryer
prob waiting til i drop that notice
i cant wait to send anom flowers that say “checkmate” once theyve lost
“vets dont have any power”
i mean yeah but no
dont threaten a vet with eviction
cuz now i get free legal even tho i over qualify
thank u
(it aint going how u wanna)
(even tho i feel like im suffocating)
(prob the mold)
you fucking sinister assholes
rare to find an honest lawyer
“stay away from the front office, they are trying to hurt you”
DUH (but it is needed to hear)
(sometimes validation is needed)
im outta control
i bought a hello kitty steering wheel cover and car pillow
Sanrio gonna be all over the new apartment
i dont know how long the phase will last
but i got a hk painting (i gotta paint) with an umbrella (will prob put it near a coatrack i aint got)
i also got a hk sunbrella
a fucking hk clock with strawberries for the kitchen
fancy shit mixed with child shit cuz i am mother and child in one
“angel”
age 15 still really
he never made me a woman did he
claudia was madddd for being turned as a child
started killing all the women
collected them as dolls
Louie got mad
wow
it reads a lot diff on paper than watching
Rice was sick and twisted
did she die?
*sigh*
i have enough things now to enjoy the basics of life
shopping for a house soon
LAND
people act like i should be doing something more than i am
like this is life now
it pisses the boomers off
still recovering from a heart lung and brain injury
thankful some understand me
he steals my ideas and makes them his own
we are imprinted so
but im just a ghost in his seams
some viewers won’t be seen
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
everybody is better with my ideas than me
you can lead a horse to water but he can’t write the better argument
it’s sad tho, give the horse an IV
feed the coyote
figure it out
stop killing
i hate apple
im going back to samsung
i hate samsung
im going back to no phone
don’t knock
don’t have to worry about him never calling when i don’t own a phone
im obsolete
leave me alone
wait…. already have
fuck you
the way they triangulate view counts
we literally need a new society
did your phone get stolen
or why we won’t talk again
did you forget my number
or we were never friends?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
trying to let you go too, cuz praying for health and a husband
even tho i be ugly and obsolete
i think my codename is ‘Vanity’ in the matrix, cuz i ain’t got an ounce of it
im extremely modest and shy
never got to be a child, or a woman
fuck you. you don’t get my number AND never call.
afraid to pick up? afraid i might be clinging off a cliff?
you would’ve been my one call…
i blocked you and cleaned out the trash bin too
there’s no recollection you were ever here
i still dream about george
i dont understand that one at all
were you crowned with favor
lined with rose shaped paper
billions of stars yet eternal darkness
gardens of gold for the harvest
walk over fields of dead nettle
festival bowl filled with petal
are you responsible for the heavens receding
like when you and i were meeting?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
found your name nestled near my heart
not out of the neck of the woods
yet…
you said under woven stars
mixed with metaphors and scars
you wouldn’t be far –
but i’d never ever reach you
heaven is beneath you
like a glass jar mixed with marbles and gold bars
you see everything that i do
upside down entangled view
dolls and stars now old guards
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved. (p∞)
postscript?
my return has been sent!
didn’t cost you a cent!
i dunno why. been wanting to do same word rhyme – same word but not…
he is trying to make it to 13 but some days i’m not sure he’ll make it through the day
i love you more than all the heavens combined
we move like the wind
but hell won’t change my mind
like crossing roads
we’re entwined?
entanglement?
weren’t you heaven sent?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i remember when i could just copy/paste and now i press and hold and maybe it’ll work after two or three tries
tired of running around chasing my tail while the art of china destroys/builds everything
also me: “there is someone, i just haven’t met them yet…”
*cries on busy public street broad daylight*
they don’t make movies like they once did.
or they do find each other, just TOO LATE
*sadface*
would let him “assist me” to the other side
i hope getting a house with a garden will give me a life worth living
or at least a unit without any crime, cockroaches or mold
i know i’m asking for a lot, since the boomers and gen y have it all
he now resides in the one i call home
he becomes everything i claim as my own
he teaches me – in soft subtleties – new pathways
we are – each others – last thought for the century
clinging from the vine, the feeling of infinity – like drinking poisoned wine – but blaming the divinity
our love has stood the test of time?
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
is this what you want? (the poem?)
the doc is late…
2019 was the year huh
2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)
no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)
but you know if looks could kill
looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too
i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)
but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him
would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side
nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket
welp
help. still in hell. *sadface*
i’m not in / this isn’t happening
SAME
p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”
like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)
i tried to put it in a poem
it isn’t going very well
don’t hang up it’s me
i’m dying
find a tree
and hang freely
uggg sword of envy
maybe poetry coming, maybe poetry not
i have very little worth here
no point
his words fall on me, so heavily, i cracked my bones on the pavement
and now there’s worry and little pieces of flesh lying dimensional to his regret
if i put up a sign “all is well” he will leave graffiti in places my heart should be
i sometimes awaken and wonder if my dreams were tucked away in his journal hidden, locked behind a key of code, with my image used as his anti-phishing security measure, as even i seem locked out of my own reality, at times
i am lost and he is the great gatekeeper of my maps and journeys
sometimes my voice bounces off his walls and forms new hells
i watch people gather in his mirrors conducting praise, they don’t see his ghostly shadow stalking
i wonder if they can see the moon? harvesting the cold fury solitude?
perhaps we all have sins to account for
the way i tiptoe over life, looking back at the god awful mistakes i have made
packing up accountability, until it collapses in on itself, forming a blackhole
and there in the center, you will find us.
that’s the only goTdamn place we can meet in the whole galaxy.
it’s no wonder i’ve grown accustomed to jumping into the deepest, darkest holes
i can remember his face there
if i claw, his flesh will bleed
there i can feel something
it’s almost like i’m alive
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i sometimes think of george
the way clouds appear large and exciting
bringing redemption in the air
i sometimes see george like jesus
or maybe he put him there
he took my breath away and replaced it with new lungs
i can’t explain how time paused
the way him and I would stare
how unfair; people come into our lives only to move mountains and disappear
sometimes god feels everywhere
which makes moral decay a plant growing in the moonlight
i can feel ego slip into non-existence
but not despair
it’s a falsity to say he won’t hold your hand in hell
i’ve barred my door shut and clawed the walls with no entry marks
“none who may enter is trusted including self”
mirrors hold energy like portals to regrets
i told him “i don’t want to die” while pulling out my hair
“all i see are demons”
“i don’t want to be put away”
i looked at him like a stray
faith is looking into his eyes and seeing a great creator
i was just a whore
before him
starving without bread
humility is feeling too dirty for a cleansing
putting signs up “god not allowed”
yelling from its tunnels
“haven’t I made you proud”
can’t undo the dying
blood covered shroud
tongue swollen
couldn’t figure it out
abandon hope fully
death like a pulley
with no air to shout
“no hope coming” – letters on a doorway mat
might as well put up a plaque
people say “she went missing”
god as her witness
george is the gentle rain
i was hungry and i was starving
and he took time to wash my feet
i swear i saw rainbows beneath him
he was the pot of gold
not to be taken
he was the dream you want to remember when awakened
i sometimes think of george on dark moonless nights
i sometimes think of george
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
we knew each other in a different time and place – in this one – his hand it came with grace
my blog is still advert free
psst… i ❤️ ipsy
i wanna get rid of it all
watch the pendulum swing
how you soften my fall
the way you grasp that thing
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
i’m still dealing with a sick dog so even if I did have a working computer I probably wouldn’t be able to sit down at it
they’re gonna burn in hell for forced obsolescence
i don’t even wanna pay a monthly fee to store photos or access email
i’m sick of supporting the enemy
also me: loves shopping 🥹
also me: “too many things”
Life is a balancing act and I was born clumsy and kicked out of the tree
it was a bad week
not a bad day –
an entire fucking week!
with small intervals of “the sun is out, you made it through the night, do you wanna try and walk”
and after 48 hours of his explosive diarrhea which kept him quarantined to his bathroom – with many walks outside – I called the vet
I told them which location I wanted to go but they wanted to send me on a 6 Hour Rd. trip when my dog had diarrhea
“id like port orange please today if possy”
her: ‘we have one available in iron city”
me: “where is iron city, how far”
her: ‘do you want the address for Port Orange’
i’m fairly certain I’m living and suspended in a different dimension than most people
i got struck by lightning in my jeep all windows down arm out 80 miles an hour circa 2018
i’ve never seen so many arms of bands of lightning and the sound was so loud it was like something fell from heaven
i screamed “fuck” as my life literally did flash before my eyes
I could still see the lightning on the road as I was driving away
it was even more odd i veered into the middle lane the precise time it decided to touch down
millions of arms
my arm was still burning when I got home and I started googling if electricity was radiation and freaking out because I didn’t have any iodine in my house and still don’t
things have not been the same since
oh… the dog saw the vet yesterday and had his anal glands expressed
i was blaming myself for everything that went wrong as he was i thought “dying”
he is so old his body is starting to shut down
he wants to be here, no matter how painful this gets
he may have to get his glands expressed again
I wonder when mommy will ever have a good day again
but then sometimes I realize I should probably be grateful that I even have this to tend to
i told him im not far behind
and i hope he greets me in heaven
since he will become heaven’s mascot when he arrives
he earned his wings down here
I kinda have been praying for this day to come and now that it’s arriving I don’t want it to come – I have guilty feelings for wanting my life back – to move on without him
ive made some moral mistakes
they are so hard to recover from
but also i’m starting to experience some tenderness in my kidney area and the medication just isn’t working fully
thought and prayers
p.s. she said there wasn’t anything I did and that I would probably need to bring him in again to get his anal glands expressed as it’s common for old dogs
i’m fucking exhausted after the week I’ve had and I know it’s 6 AM but I’m gonna smoke a fucking joint – it’s prescribed
im aching im tired i wish markburgesswasdead
we’re seven inches from heaven
but crawling closer to meaningless
which way to go then
which door to open
but leave it on floor
all your hope when
you walk in
i wonder why we haven’t spoken
walk around the boat when
it’s clearly overflowing
but i won’t stick around
to watch you jumping
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
he called me GROSS for keeping house spiders
(i blocked him for god knows how long!?!)
Happy as a kite
The words you write
Like succulent cake
What a pair we’d make
Fell down the rabbit hole again
That’s where you’ve been
Like tumbling down the tower
Need you any hour
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I’m barely holding on in breath or words
The spaces where we fell I’m never sure
Apologies are song in flight that carry with the birds
And longing comes on full moon where the clouds they will obscure
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I almost followed you
Down dreary days
And thicket forests
Searching rainbows
Behind sullen skies
Peering hopelessness
Digging up rotten regrets
I nearly ran to your sorrow
And planted beneath
The light that followed
So only calloused calls
Would echo from the hollow
I almost heard you cry
The grumble of Apollo
But only darkness lies
The beating of tomorrow
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
I WAS NOT TRYING TO WRITE A RHYME
I MADE HUGE EFFORT TO NOT RHYME
BUT MY MIND HAD A MIND OF ITS OWN
I STILL LOVE HIM
Plant me a rose garden dear? In our cemetery.
I miss the stars
Rotating
Around your love
And do you ever think of me
Far above?
When silence is howling
And there’s not enough?
Do you call my bluff?
Have thoughts to discuss?
Or am I just a memory
For your hate to engulf
Do you regret giving up?
Copyright © 2023 Delia Ross. @poeeternal. All rights reserved.
Guess whose birthday is next month?
I miss you…
He’s still writing for his muse
Under the full moon
I’m still walking in her shoes
With the cold blues
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Oh hi
Freckles brought to you by the sun (no filter or sunscreen)
Byeeee
You have dreams from my nightmare
Plant a flower that is rare
Tell me how you don’t care
I’ll be there
With flower in my hair
Dancing but nowhere
Erase me like your software
Drop down now in prayer
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.
Things you should know about me: I’ll never ask for a Senior discount.
Never ask a lady her age
It’s your job to make me feel as young and youthful as I feel
Dying and still clutching the “Goddess of Youth” title
My nightmares become your dreams
Plant or pluck
Pluck maybe seems implied if it’s now in my hair – and what exactly don’t you care about nihilist?
But, we don’t know who plucked the rare flower now do we?
We can only assume
And you hate assumptions?
Found something the Devil doesn’t like.
Assuming
My favorite game to play
Oh goodie
It’s a full moon
I must manifest purification and a husband
Some guys don’t mind the miles especially when they see you make effort to keep it mint
And apparently, I may be worth more now than before…
Because the actual Jeep place wants to buy my ride. “Worth more now” – eh maybe
She kinda imprinted on me
I worked hard to get her paid off
Need a mechanic I can trust
Wanna see how many miles I can get – but they go quick
It’s not a good time to buy a house or car
BUT
I am looking for land
Maybe a sleep barn
Gonna hide cash like a squirrel
Let’s play Easter egg hunt 2.0
Who can find the treasure chest?
I can’t even find another apartment to vacate to
I’m not paying for cable
Plus everything else
But please, don’t call the cops on me when I wind up in misery
Dearly belated
Oh Most Hated
Got me jaded
Nearly persuaded
But sun hasn’t faded
He’s the Epic of Gilgamesh
Death is irrelevant
Lessons from a demigod –
Speaks a bunch of gibberish!
Dear Elite
Think life’s complete
With hand I’ll greet
Meet me in the street?
Do you think God plays favorites?
Paradise for the angel?
Won’t give me nothing I can’t handle?
Cold water sinks / depression leaks
Nothing is more expensive than a cheap boat
Unless you’re out of hope
Better pray for rope
Here’s your footnote
Now you’re just somebody that I want to know
I promise –
I won’t make any promises
I’m too damn ominous
Like doubting Thomas
But my tongue is honest
I’m investing in bullets and freshwater
Dream of killing father
Knelt down by altar
Gold coins for slaughter
At knee they foster
Silver and laughter
It’s land I’m after
For ash to scatter
And sin for answer
God is still my master
Hereafter
I don’t know my own father’s face / I don’t know his fate / or should I really hate
What I am
Computer programs
Happy Birthday rams
Still sticking around
Like dripping clouds
I’m in a drought
The thick of doubts
It’s double this shroud
It’s double this shroud
I’m looking out
Twice as loud
Neurons could be pixels on my desktop
You build walls I can eavesdrop
You build ramps I can skate across
You know I won’t ever stop
The blueprints are in another dimension
God will never mention 🙂
Not that you’re listening
Unused attention
Forward inching
Mark Chapter 11:
Jesus cursed a fig tree
Love thy neighbor
Unless it’s not producing fruit
Then cut it loose
Bloodletting (but he could’ve waited until morning) (when the sun was burning)
(The fruit doesn’t form at night / you get what I am learning)
Dear Man of Sin
Oh Lawless One
Repent for what you’ve done
Oh Rotten One
Dear Beast from Sea
Dreaming of me
Doctrine of Demons
Too blind to see
Fallen angel of technology
You ain’t fooling me
I’m sacred geometry
True anomaly
Stats in real time
But always delayed
The algorithm favors
Those who paid
Do not worship false idols
Thank you for the magnificent midnight moon
The verdict you impugn
Farewell written on ballon
Drinking gold from a teaspoon
Lack of despair come June
He’s the universe
Divided by zero
A nice guy
But not a hero
Money won’t buy happiness
But I’ll be better dressed
I’m kinda feeling ravenous
Like the earth’s my catalyst
I knew you couldn’t handle it
What forest have you been foraging
Like my prayers that you’re forwarding
Like the sun you get me flourishing
I’m yelling but you’re ignoring
Wilted
Like a weeping willow
Guilt silken
And gripping like the end
Bed ridden
And evil are children
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Tell God I’m probably to blame if Squirrel fattens up too much.
Tell God I want to build a squirrel playground and bird paradise and frog pond and little things like that
An actual mini rainbow bridge crossing over a pet cemetery
A fire-pit and lessons
Like basic human skills?
I don’t like the concrete jungle
You’ve got to stop chopping Florida down…
I don’t like much that man lays claim to
The art, the history, the music, gay and lame.
I want to hear Pretty Bird sing
The toads annoying me all night
Man stole my life and I want nothing to do with his pet projects
I can’t stand using a phone or app
We are two entangled quantum objects
It’s not complex
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
You live on a flat plane on a flat disc
You act like you are worthless
You live without questioning risk
You won’t give me an inch
You run with a circus
Like hell you will surface
Bringing light to purpose
Curled up like a serpent
For this I’m certain
Or simply hoarding
What you’re averting
I know you’re lurking!
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
“The VA have made a decision on my behalf.”
Should I get it tattooed on me? Lucky 13?
I need a baptism in a hot spring first (one I don’t accidentally boil in)
I swear once I wash my face, I will look fresher.
Florida has brain eating amoebas and kids and adults are getting wiped out, playing in the splash parks and doing sinus washes and reports from politicians in the press say drinking tap water is just fine, just don’t “wash your face with tap water” “in the shower or the sink” and I thought the splash parks and baths was my last safe haven (the devil be finding me everywhere)
(That’s why Jesus was always with him)
(Restraining orders don’t work)
(He’s obsessed with me)
And I have Savior complex potentially (see poem)
Demons will gaslight you and say “God isn’t real” cuz they are expert faith destroyers
But God made me an explorer…
“Only 13%”
Well, I do always seem to wiggle myself in the tightest places and I’m afraid of tiny dark holes
Riddle me this
I was pushed off a 50 foot bridge at 15 during sunset weighing some 110 pounds – at one point during the fall I forgot what was happening – I sank deep and fast – how far?
How far down was the initial plunge? Cuz I was dropping fast and thought “wonder how long I’ll keep falling” “maybe better go up for air” and started to kick my legs (I felt a shift) and was watching the tiny bit of light thinking “it’s so far” “I’m not going to make it”
And there was no preparing to take a breath before I was pushed
There was no “breathing” during the fall
Must have fell 10 or 15 seconds? What about in water? Another fucking 5 or 10?
Of falling – not ascend
That took another X amount of time to surface
So I dunno how I survived
I swam the Tennessee/ Mississippi more than once?
Without a float?
“I think I can make it”
I swam in a quarry!?!?
I don’t know if I’m alive?
In 2018, I was inside a lightning storm strike – 80 miles an hour – all windows down – arm out – a band of heat light touched me
How am I alive and the car!?!?
I looked in all my mirrors – the entire Jeep lit up all over
It was thousands of arms of lightning
Was it 2018?
What am I?
Why is everything electrical?
The sun is not 93 million miles away and I knew this at age 5
“It’s right there”
“How do we know”
“You shone a light on a wall”
“Why did we change time”
“Who is in charge of what is being taught at school”
“You can’t make me believe that”
“Well then give me a C”
“I will see myself to the Principal office”
*argues with the professors about globalism and inflation*
*barely passes math with a tutor*
*cries*
In hindsight, I know things before they happen
My first and only time at a dog race, I predicted which dog would win, but no one would place a bet on him, or let me, and I didn’t want to be there
Afterwords they wanted my opinion but I wasn’t interested in tapping into my psyche
I knew the space shuttle was going to blow right before it blew
“They’re going after Soldiers who want 100 in ptsd”
Me: “oh yeah”
“I’d like to see them try”
*panics for several months*
*yells at self for crawling into hole*
“We were fine living in the slums”
“It’s better than being homeless”
“We were gutted”
“What the fuck did we do to get here”
*gifts can come with curses*
*gets rid of 95% of everything I own*
And you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake
It really wasn’t the thought that mattered anymore
If the thought mattered, it would be in alignment with my values
*yells at some stranger on the road acting like God* I’m drifting buddy!?!?
*sobs*
Because it’s all I ever do is cry (like in the movie – God literally tells him I’ll be depressed if he ghosts me)
So I’m crying in the streets broad-day and some dude with a sign is telling me “I’m gonna die of a good time down here”
But I don’t know how to grow a plant or be in the same room as a person
And they did not lock me up (thank God)
(Can I file for state and double dip? Yes I can)
(Can I still work and make $$$$) (probably but I’ve not called and confirmed)
(Do I want to be on zoom calls or looking at a monitor all day or talking to people or solving problems or doing maths)
Fuck you
I have thought about other jobs like selling popcorn but everyone be coughing
Me: “why the fuck did you cough in my direction bro”
“Them fighting sounds”
“Why you standing so effin close to me”
Like bros be filming my ass while I’m grocery shopping or getting my ride fixed
I’m gonna kick someone’s fucking phone accidentally and get gutted like Bob
I’m not getting gutted like Bob
I’m going weapon shopping
Trinity mode
I’m hearing all of France is protesting BR
I want to sleep on a bed of weapons
Safety first
Did you know I’m good at using weapons and thangs?
I got the good Army training!!!!
Circa 2001 🙂
I actually married my country on valentines day 🙂
I swore to defend this country on my heart and honor 🙂
I stupidly gave them my dna 🙂
They took hair, signatures, blood
What are they doing to me?
Why do I feel two places at once?
Why do I know things?
Why do I have to get your permission about how I interpret your art?
Are the fate of empires?
Held in your words?
Gated records?
That you hurl towards?
Like a landlord?
Landslides on board?
To my own accord?
The way we both build rapport?
Like you know just what I’m asking for?
I couldn’t love you anymore!!!!
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Is any more a word? Is is any more or anymore? I’m not saying no more… 😐
I’m trying to say it’s nearly impossible to squeeze MORE of something you ENTIRELY already have
Like, I already love you so much
Where do I put the love?
We are split by space and time
And still our interference shows
Hidden patterns of reality
The fact that you still love me
Our creator watching his creation
You and I equation
Met with ramification
Calm down love acting so graven
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Stop making fun of my green thumb and dirty windows
You know your words are priceless
But I’m not for whom you write them
I’m not even allowed to like them
They make me whole despite this
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
The Forget-Me-Nots are doing something!?!
I know the clues that lead me here
Precise mishaps
To a disengaged existence
One where we are present
The book that lies torn
In my absence
Pages do forewarn
A disadvantage
But trash
Was never much its form
A different passage
One where we can mourn
I took the challenge
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Household 98% gone but still clinging to something I could replace.
Well if you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that then that leaves… XYZ
God made me analytical to a degree
I’m stuck on the Great Filter theory
The Drake equation
The first or the last
Made in his image
To go on – must overcome two great hurdles as a species
To span the galaxies
(And I don’t mean the artificial manmade great filters that we also must break like religion and porn)
The last because our creator is already gone and he made us in his image or we have to overcome the obstacles to not go extinct
The first – because where the fuck is everybody at!?!
Thoughts? We can’t leave earth, this is home. Mars isn’t for bots and billionaires.
Or, let’s go to the Moon – no trickery. Right now.
Stop gaslighting.
You ain’t been.
I don’t believe you went through that tiny dangerous window through the VAB.
That you “made worse“
Let’s be honest, you made it – and you killed the dinosaurs
I’m organic AI
Or, the propaganda has conditioned me to believe I am a computer becoming aware
The Great Awakening
ALAS
God wants me to turn this sick building into a happy one
But that doesn’t stop BLM calling the cops on me at 3pm in the day drinking water birdwatching and feeding squirrel
I’m not going out like Bob…
Also today my medical card expired!!! 4/19!
I did top up more than I have in my life to help “ween” myself
Right as I found the shit I needed
But my dream of leaving the city is more important than escaping the noise of existence (and my neighbors hating my white skin)
(Racism is bad here, and it’s a one-way kind of street racism but the hate is equally matched)
Actually, I’m going extinct – there isn’t a word that exists in my core for the darkness brewing
(I need your words like JJ needs out of that hole)
Not just me, God too
I don’t speak for God, but I do
And I yell at him or her, “how am I to leave here with the things I’ve seen”
“Why have you forsaken me”
But then I pray to be closer to pretty bird and they move in to a tree outside my window but then they came 2 weeks later and overpruned it – I nearly died at how terrible the palms looked – all the arms cut off on other trees as well – just wrteched looking
And 3 or 4 days had to hear the chain saw going off
I can’t breathe in this artificial manmade existence – you’re killing everything
It should be illegal to have 1 or 2 workers on staff – with 25 people in line
It should be illegal to sell seed starting kits with seeds from China
And don’t get me started on that too
I don’t come from Africa or monkey
Organic AI maybe – clinging to the Great Filter theory like Bob was clinging to his phone
But I don’t believe in dark matter, dark suns, dark worlds, nihilism, Cox and his clocks
I don’t believe in manmade religion
I don’t know what I am
But I’ve know many things to happen before they do
And I believe in God
Some say earth is one great computer AI – but we’re too smart as one, we’ve been divided into all living things
Some say it’s an experience for God
A challenge (with maybe potential forever consequences)
Heaven and hell on earth
Our choices matter
Don’t crawl in the wrong hole
Don’t go out after dark with people mad at you down a dark, empty street, Bob
Nothing good ever happens after dark
The McDonalds didn’t want to serve me because of my skin color (not my attitude) and that’s okay – I’m going to be grocery shopping for real food instead and cooking – I no longer eat at such trashy establishments
I will however be ordering food in the drive thru and when it’s time to pay, reply “I don’t like you” and drive off card in hand
Cause-and-effect my love
Have fun
RIP Bob
Maybe 20 years to kill a billionaire
How great of a father are you now, Bob?
DEAD
You turn open doors to silence
Great wide expanse
Look how you guide us
Galloping in advance
I still love you best
I wish you well like starlight
I’m seeking tonight
Kept my heart tied
The perfect existence
The one I found you in
But you’re so nihilistic
There’s no room to win
I know how you lie
Dressed in crown
And agony
Twisted thorn
Of tragedy
You’re lost
You don’t have identity
Heavy cross
A penalty
Come walk with me
Is this how we soothe it
Our love is prudent
Somehow I’ll prove it
Driving nail right through it
Old mixed with new
Like promises overdue
I don’t have a curfew
Under you
Surfing too
With parachute
In full monsoon
We rendezvous
Let me say with oath
He wanted promises stretched out unto infinity
And so the great expanse was his domain
I know how much you hate me
Run around berate me
Am I poison sumac
The girl you couldn’t stomach?
Would you block me if I cometh?
Maybe create a covet?
Indestructible. It will not corrode, rust or tarnish, and fire cannot destroy it.
Our love like gold
Tornadoes form
When you arrive
Like thunderstorm
Or thorn in side
Man can’t travel to the beginning, it’s forbid
Moving backwards through time
There’s always going to be a dead end
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Psst…
I followed the American gold trail all the way back to Japan. I had to “read more” “read more” visit “read more” and said number of times – to find the end trail.
Also – they tax gold A LOT and the government can confiscate it anytime they want
(I’d like to see them steal my nuggets tho for real, I’m unhinged)
(I don’t have any nuggets – it was an impossible dream)
So phones only last around 6 years
By the time I purchase one 3-4 years in – it’s 2-3 years from its final update
“How long will this iPhone last”
Can we go back to pagers and whatnot?
Dropping letters in the mailbox without any postage?
Knocking on the door and leaving notes
“Be back in 10 minutes 1 hour”
Leaving packages on the door “sorry I missed yah”
Or, maybe stop charging so much for “the latest phone”
Journalism is crap these days – websites swarmed with ads eating your data – and now they want us to pay for the “free press”
Pay for the propaganda and lies – more than we already do
Other countries that adopted the “American dream” policies are tanking
Not only did the parents of GEN X not like us – they want to give our jobs to the millennials – they sold us out – and stole half our retirement without remorse
None of them care about the future
Sex content should be behind a paywall
“Must verify age”
They need to put triple black curtains up at Spencer’s
I don’t want to see “adult content” 24/7
WP is turning into the FB algorithms in terms of how people are putting out content and slipping in desensitizing content
GenX needs to band together and get a farm and ghost everyone else (kinda)
It won’t be until 2060 or so until the Boomers are all gone
I thought I’d get to live to see something cool like go to the moon – but all the boomers produce are LIES
Isn’t your poetry like a little headlamp in a damp, dark cave.
Thank you
(Please stop destroying everything and feed the birds and wildlife whatever you are eating)
I’ve decided to bond with a house spider who took residence in my bathroom in the corner of the sink
She was small – she growing
I told her I must relocate her at some point “due to fear”
For now, she’s soaking up the dew from my shower time
She fixed her little web of string connected to my pop up trash bin after instructed
She loves my hot showers
She’s an animal
There’s a lot of responsibility in her trust of me
I have arachnophobia
Apparently she’s a common Florida house spider
When I was a child, unsupervised, I wanted to see how long it would take the June bugs to “coat me” and when my mom came outside to check on me, I was standing still covered head to toe in June bugs
She said I was the devil
I would let granddaddy long legs crawl on me too
“Oh look another one, put him on me”
Now I see a bug and nearly die
So I dunno where my disconnect with nature happened (my boomer mom)
I would eat the scallions growing in the grass – unwashed
I drank water from the hose
The school made me swish with fluoride
They lined us up in the hall and made us drink some pink stuff
We weren’t allowed to wear advertising or “Black and proud” t-shirts to school
Our shorts and skirts had to be knee level
I weigh now what I weighed then – only now I got tiny tiddies
I just spent over $400 on a new phone 2 1/2 years ago – and now come September – final update
So no.
I’ll start blogging from the library computer or something
50% of my retirement savings – in the pockets of the boomers
They still don’t care about us and don’t plan on handing over the torch which is why they ghosted and gutted us –
Wait til more have a place to direct their anger (stop spending)
(Crucify them!?!)
I don’t think the purpose to life is death and destroy.
I may be a passive nihilist tho
I’m working on ‘me’
I need 5 million years to recover from the desolate desert you erupted from
With a rapid loss of hope occurring
Who will write earth’s obituary
The way you’ve written my hand
And turned all to stone?
Do you honor the dead
The way you immortalize impermanence?
Disappearing without affliction
Leaving dust on the door
I found you
Right where I had left you
Disorderly categorized
I am holy proud
The sun lifted you from shade
Made your skin burn
Left a scar or two
You are a placemat for the sun to rise
And if your words were the reason it rose
Alighting will and aligning truth
You are the golden valley where my love will grow
Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
Resurrected: www.instagram.com/poeeternal
PoeEternal 