The poison is the cure (journaling)

That seven day treatment was not a cure all

It did however help

It may have worked if the VA had treated me in a timely manner – instead of waiting until I was knocking on my death bed and threatening a law suit

Still, progress was made

I’m still gonna have to drop over a bill for a new holistic treatment next paycheck

I can’t sit around and wait for the VA to order this and that and having me chase my tail until I’ve ran out of breath

We’re done with that game

The self-treatment continues with Black Walnut & Wormwood, Apple Cider Vinegar, Turmeric & Ginger, and CandAid.

I’ve got bottles unopened still yet to swallow

I’m taking daily doses, sometimes multiple

That 7 day treatment was pretty taxing on my body, I’ve needed a couple days of rest

Today I’m having coffee with milk

I’m resting on the side of the cliff

I’m gonna be making a white cake with coconut milk, coconut oil, brown eggs, and wild blueberries. Cupcakes & half pound loaf. For the upcoming birthday on Friday.

I’m gonna be crawling to the finish line

I’ve almost lived 43 whole years ☺️

I need her in my life

I received a gift card for Shein today. 🤩

I’ve never shopped there but I’m already earning points just for daily check-ins.

They have everything there and you have to hunt for the good stuff and bargains (stainless steel, wood, cotton, ect) – but everything from home to body.

I’m looking forward to spending my gift card. Gonna apply my points and any coupons I can to stretch it out!

🙂

I really appreciate y’all thinking of me for my birthday.

My parents don’t care of my existence – same life as our dear Edgar Allan Poe. 🤓

They were apologizing about a low gift card and that’s not a low number.

Not to mention I’m a Leo so I love to bargain hunt. I love finding the good stuff at the run down thrifts.

I love sifting through a yard or garage sale.

I’ll go to the bereavement sales too.

“Oh look, somebody died. Let’s go buy their shit”. And you’re actually helping out the family members move on. Win win. I’ve no shame. God bless the dead. But not the demons.

I’m saving my pennies to buy some land but currently I need to make some pennies and I’ve got something in the pipeline to try and do

(I don’t do sex work ever, please stop thinking my content is XXX)

I’m old-fashioned

I STRIP

And these days all I’ve got is bone to share

STRIPPED TO THE BONE

But yeah, I did order something from Dolls Kill again – for the birthday – they only had one pair left in my size – I’m praying them suckers are mine 🙏

Now when you visit the page – there are no sizes available

*sigh*

COMETOMAMA 

I mean, I do have a shoe fetish but it’s the pair of shoes I’ve been dreaming about and I can wear them with all my lingerie, all my shorts, all my dresses, all my outfits, minus my military uniforms duh

I didn’t lose all of my uniforms when I went homeless, I just left a lot behind, but I don’t know why I decided to rescue an entire suitcase worth of propaganda

But because “she” held onto it, I’ve repacked them in a small moving box

They don’t go to the donation bin yet

I think she wants them near her own garden… I dunno…

I’m trying to help her reach her goal

There are still old boxes to sort through

Old unopened mail

Evidence my parents are shit

Trauma left and right

I told her I’m not here to judge, only to help her organize and sort the mess

Keep what’s to keep

I’m also not only doing a makeover for myself but for my homelife

In small tiny increments

I’ve changed banks again

Everything is getting a makeover

EVERYTHING

I’m still expelling things from my body

I can’t stop detoxing or all my progress will be lost

Now I see how my body responds to no more 7 day treatment doses and a coffee

It’s risky, I know

I’m having die-off symptoms still

IT’S STILL INSIDE ME

I WANT IT ALL GONE

I see now how a cancer patient will give up on treatment

And just dieeee

You have to change your diet and have an incredible amount of willpower to fight it

You have to drink that nasty ass Black Walnut & Wormwood everyday (I still don’t understand the difference between every day and everyday: it was a hard concept for me to get in fifth grade and now I have a brain injury and both the examples just are the same to me, when people give me examples of the differences they are the same to me. I don’t know what to tell you – I’M STUPID)

Show me an easy way to learn them

I really want to get it but I don’t *sigh*

I’m rearranging my room – pushing the bed to the wall

I’m tired of sleeping on wires so at some point I’m buying a normal eggshell without any infusion

Lots of cushy pillows

The body pillow at the wall

My stupid ass is still on bedrest

QUARANTINED

OMG BUT DID I TELL YOU I BOUGHT THE CUTEST SHOES BUT IT WAS THE LAST SIZE AND I BETTER BE THE ONLY CINDERELLA OUT THERE

They had only ONE SIZE LEFT AVAILABLE WHEN I SAW THEM

SIZE 7

The rest were sold out

Then all gone once I bought em

DON’T LET ME DOWN UNI

These are an heirloom at this point and they haven’t even shipped…

The heels were regularly priced at $45.

But I scored them for $9.58 and want to be buried in them

Though they haven’t arrived and I’ve not had a shoe fitting

Look at these deals from Dolls Kill (a favorite store)

I can’t wait to get healthy and wear these grocery shopping though

Gonna get me a husband real quick 🤪

The pigtails are getting long

I need a bodyguard husband

And yes I cook but are you going to be a traditional man and pay all the bills? Cuz if I’m all in and you’re half assing it then you won’t have me as a wifey

These men turn wives into slaves and then get pissy when it’s time to treat them for a holiday or a birthday

They want us playing the traditional role and be sexually free and pay half the bills and run all of the household and make all of the decisions and raise the children on our own (with them doing the “fun stuff”)

And I’ve known a lot of women to strip to pay off their college loans and debts and I’m getting ready to do the same but I will not be doing any nasty stuff 

I don’t even know if it’s nasty, I just know it’s not for me and it doesn’t serve my purpose but sensuality does

I like exploring my feminine side through cosplay and camerawork

I have a certain way I shoot and film

And many men say I don’t need a filter but they don’t mind if I use them

And I took art in school but it’s not my best subject, I’m not an artist that way, I can’t draw for shit. I’m not very good at being a makeup artist so this allows me to be theatrical a bit because I did take drama in school and I love drama and theatrics

And I do have a background in arts and entertainment (including lighting)

I’m not an expert but I have a passion for it

Long post… surprised if you’re still here listening to me ramble on!

Coffee!!! 🤪

Medium roast and the first caffeine I’ve had in over 7 days! ☕️

So now that you know everything nearly but my bra size (36b)

I did recently learn that I should stop shopping for large and medium items

Because I’ve shed over 18 pounds of the devil’s toxic poisons from my system

SYMBIOTIC 🖕🖕

I CAST YOU OUT

So they’ve decided to do construction out here and there’s been these bomb like noises going off for several weeks now and my PTSD has a maximum overload button

I’m gonna get back to packing in a bit

This boat is sinking and when it’s time to jump ship I’ll be boxed and organized with only the minimum amount of things out for a decent living

I’m not taking shit with me that I don’t want to come

Those junk drawers turn into junk rooms and junk boxes

Naw man

She was drowning so I’ve jumped into this timeline during that electrical storm to help her-me

I’m split in two

I exist in multiple timelines

And goddamn I can’t remember your birthday but I love you

But if you keep hurting my daughter I’m gonna cut your dick off and kick it down your fucking throat execution style

Dig?

You’re the only one that can make us regret doing things and I know it’s you because my chest is swelling up with sickness

(I’ve never sent a man pictures of me self-gratifying – I don’t do porn, I don’t even own a toy. I’m not desensitized. PLAYING THE ANGEL)

Coffee is getting cold

And now I don’t know what’s making me tremble, the caffeine or my fucking anger

I HATE YOU I KNOW MY WORTH


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