Writing – PoeEternal

Posted on May 30, 2024 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Oblivion

some deserve my wrath
my fist into their back
a kiss and that
sometimes i laugh

look at what your gods have done
you worship all and no one
look in the mirror son
trains run through oblivion

DO NOT OPEN
on log written
with blood and stencil
and mud or pencil

i’m not allowed to follow and you know I would if I could
but the ground would shake under us and you would lose foot

the avalanche is coming down the road im traveling
so now im shoveling
sins so heavy they are troubling

historic torrents
pushing forth like

the dam overflowing
feet feel slow yet running
what are we towing?

our lost destiny?
6th mass extinction; we’re dying!

the winds are reversing the tides
one-up we tried

rainbows form from heaven
sins i’ve counted seven
seals are broken
in pieces eleven

cry angel
her eyes are brown or hazel?
sadness stamped her label
broken wings she’ll cradle

or sinning like i’m Abel
was it just a fable?
can you build a table?

i like them round
where wildlife is found

not in the city
cannot leave a pity

killed one but let the other live, i cannot know a thing

“don’t come around here”

“i told yah”

it’s definitely hormonal though because some days I’m willing to fight and other days I’m willing to fucking create

The problem is most people are destroying faster than things can create because nihilism is rampant

and if stats are 3 to 5 people have an STD we can assume that they are sterilized and unable to have any children

Sterilization is happening in so many different ways though

as long as the rich can continue ivf abominations

if you’re offended it’s not my problem

you can continue to shadow ban me but every checkmark page that shows up on my fucking profile I’m gonna block it

any time i get a penalty for anything – BLOCKFEST

using a favorite song but getting an “unoriginal video removal penalty” – bye bye band – BLOCKY

i can keep going because I block people just looking at FYP videos and reading comments that have nothing to do with me or the creators video

even with the shadowbans and blocking sprees, i’ve somehow managed to linger around 5k on the potential tiktok ban

fighting for my life still so making content is not priority number one

recently i reached out to an old schoolmate and then i casually blocked them

i wasn’t trying to get back into their life

just having revelations

“like remember that time you stoned me”

need a sling and rock me thinks

moving into that portion of the Bible/Matrix

when they take on the giants/ mr smith

“got any weapons on you”

the cop telling me i need to take a walk to cool off

honey, you need to take a walk to lose some of that fat

he’s a fucking cop and I’m dying and I make better attempts at keeping up with my health than he does

i’m on the damn MRI table sitting in a hospital gown that’s 100 times my size too big and telling the doctor I’m not “marriage material” and he’s like “what? well if you think it’s your looks it’s not that…”

my damn mechanic thinks i’m fit

like no

my back arms are jelly

i need to work on my triceps and my booty gains and i’m not getting to do anything but try to fucking not have my throat close up on me in this fucking toxic environment

And do I just pay the rent or do I go through all the legal fucking bullshit to tell the landlord fuck you you ain’t get another dime from me?

The headache and stress involved in doing this and also trying to quit ~~weed~~ medicinal again at the same time and moving on my own and just everything

I already turned in my notice to vacate and I did send out the certified stuff

this place is a dump and the law is on my side – but there are obstacles and headaches involved – they make it so – the librarian even pointed it out “The forms the landlord needs are easy to find and accessible but not the tenants” (cuz i was embarrassed i could not do a simple task)

He would send a cease and desist to stop the eviction process and im gone anyway he said

“dont pay june rent – ride it out until xyz”

im ready to post reviews and give one star ratings

“if you like living with cockroaches, mold, and crime, where half the amenities posted online are nonworking and the slumlords gaslight you daily, you found the right space…”

“see piccys”

the blm community have children and teenagers stealing packages and banging on doors

CALLING A SPADE A SPADE

30% of the crime 90% of the time

PLEASE TURN ANOTHER CHEEK

Posted on April 29, 2024 by poeeternal

Dear Hacker (with laughs and love)

caught me jerking off huh?

gonna share it with all my family and friends huh?

go for it

Standing by….

you already know all the details right? no need for me to fill it out for you?

….

first of all, it’s either Angel or SGT Ross

i even respond to “bitch” or ‘Delia’

…

… they prob would be swept away – with joy

… some kind of stupid moron… not a “god”

…if he was God, he would know I am an Angel without any mercy?

or the ability to behave?

be notified and burn in hell

… it WAS NOT SENT INTERNALLY (but how the fuck was my private email sold)

demented maybe but not perverted

i don’t do porn

i barely get off?

i do not own a “toy”

i’m suicidal

i do not care what you have on me

now i have a reason to go to the cops

maybe propose

find me a hubby

i choose the medical emergency and the bear…

you can tell the stupid hacker to get another job

im dead inside

im poor

and im sick of the internet

and changing my passwords every 5 minutes

and putting my phone on lockdown

i said android was hacked but it was also at&t and apple

Posted on April 18, 2024 by poeeternal

a years worth (p∞)

you are a years worth of rain
falling on my back
like the empathy you lack

i turned in my notice to vacate today.

them: “this isn’t the reason you are leaving”

me: “i think i know why i am leaving”

them: “not because of this, you bought a house”

(i said i was approved for a home loan and starting the search process)

(i had hoped to finish my sentence here and buy)

(this was a couple months ago)

(today however)

me: “no i’m leaving because of the mold and crime”

them cutting me off: “even though we are working on it”

me: “don’t stop the work order tomorrow, just because i am turning in my notice”

them: “this has nothing to do with that”

me: i’m leaving cuz the cop told me to move and my doctor told me to leave the environment”

“i signed a new lease”

them: looks suspicious (even tho the forwarding address is on the form)

(and i did not bring up the 5% i am losing on top of having to vacate because of the mold)

and i still can’t run the air. so fixed what? i’m done submitting service requests about mold that they think is “dirt”

i need air that isn’t toxic to breathe

the doc and cop said “move”.

but the slumlord wanna argue the reason on my form i am vacating this dump

image

or maybe karma for accusing you

only i know you were writing poems for another

but also for me

so we’re both right technically

i ain’t wrong

you ain’t wrong

not really kinda

but like, i know why i am vacating this rundown shittown for an updated unit in another timezone far from here

and it ain’t buying… yet

wish we could “rent to own” but without the bullshit

anyhoo, slumlord always up my ass

and im losing a lot of money relocating

and the irs rejected my return

it wasnt even my fault

it was the AI

and for the first time ever it was rejected

and now im waiting in purgatory

for another rejection?

cuz why is it taking so long?

and fuck hnr block for “no discounts this late”

well no use of your company ever again

fucking die

55 days until my big break from this black hole

i thought i was at a 59 day notice (“60 day”)

but june 12th is closer than that

so glad i got a head start on packing

my remaining table chairs and stools are donated – she takes them soon –

i have to rent a mini thingy cuz i bought too many clothes

and while i am willing to part with some

im renting what i need

to take my toys and plushy

cuz im insane

welp. speaking of the devil

i fixed the mistake the AI made and rolled with it

look what just arrived as i was typing about said thing

phew. lord almighty.

thank you jesus

i just got my lost rent money back

breaking even with this new hand

will feel better when im at the new location

in nearly 54 days

new city, new town

new air to breathe

updates

a tiny space to manage

no more 2 bedroom 2 full bath

getting a balcony tho (but it is a porch, im ground)

i chose ground

i chose building c

cuz it came with washer/dryer hookups

i also signed the paperwork for my dad today

cuz he decided to die and leave me a forturne

well maybe not a fortune

but remember the double rainbow when he died?

well his estate has been in the courts

but a decision was made during the eclipse

and the waiver sent and signed

and now i have *insert pot of gold here* coming to me

it was split between me and my sis

but he had 4 daughters technically

2 blood and 2 adopted

i was the adopted

there’s drama

cuz dad left stuff to two and only two

and split it equally between her and i

and i plan to buy some land

but does the irs tax that?

i think they do but my daughter says “that is fucked up”

but u gotta report it

and it will put me in a diff bracket

potentially

does it take people dying to come back to life?

everything fell apart at once

and now everything is coming together?

need to get to plan B first

pensacola

Posted on April 17, 2024 by poeeternal · 6 Comments

moving! (journal log entry # unknown)

yes yas yes yas yesh

i was approved with conditions!

social credit system

don’t be poor or you will be punished by the ones we make rich!

the carefully considered scared me but they told me on the phone first like a normal person

the big move day is coming!

i get to go be miserable in a new place!

a new timezone!

a porch!

updated appliances!

vinyl flooring but the bedroom has carpet!

there’s a microwave!

it’s quiet!

no crime!

i was approved the same day!

they answer the phone when you call!

im grateful

i want to thank god

this is her!

a small quiet updated space with a porch!

happy i was approved!

only carpet in the bedroom

thank fuck

i woke up today and said today we find a place

and we did!

and now i have less than 60 days to vacate

and i must pay 2 months rent for abandoning ship (or civil court)

and i must pay an additional deposit for being on the lower portion of the totem pole

i had to pay for insurance too

but no hoa!

she also said the rent would not increase, i hope it really is locked in at the price it stands

i am doing 13 months!

sounds like hard time!

criminals don’t have to feed themselves

criminals get an hour of sunshine a day

meanwhile…

i mean, i guess it is better than an eviction notice?

i am evicting myself?

and paying for it too…

it is worth it to start over

to leave this portion of hell

i also never lived where i am moving, only vacations there

so new city

and not to be sentimental and all?

… but my apartment building happens to be C

my unit is C###

Posted on April 17, 2024 by poeeternal

long hate the king (p∞)

has anybody told King Charles he’s died?

do you think that i should lie?

kick him back to hell where he resides?

do you think that i should cry?

i’m taking a vow of silence, except i’m not

i mean or

i’m taking a vow of silence, accept i’m not

(get it?) (or gonna say i misspelled cuz can’t read between the lines)

like i never misspelled words as a kid – except that one time in 2nd grade when i spelled “shit” instead of “shirt” and the teacher took me to the back of the room and washed my mouth out with soap

so my cry for help was in vain…

but what if i said ‘in vein’ cuz i’m suicidal fuck youuuu

it takes a big boy for critical comprehension skills

i like when people comment or complain that i am skinny, ugly, and dumb.

thank you

i work hard at these things.

p.s. heard it from a stranger who heard it from a stranger who heard it from Russian propaganda that king charles has died

Posted on April 12, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

the woods (p∞)

not out of the neck of the woods
yet…
you said under woven stars
mixed with metaphors and scars
you wouldn’t be far –
but i’d never ever reach you
heaven is beneath you
like a glass jar mixed with marbles and gold bars
you see everything that i do
upside down entangled view
dolls and stars now old guards

No filter (i sat in the sun too long too many times but not enough)

postscript?

my return has been sent!
didn’t cost you a cent!

i dunno why. been wanting to do same word rhyme – same word but not…

he is trying to make it to 13 but some days i’m not sure he’ll make it through the day

Posted on April 9, 2024 by poeeternal

and…

just like that

God was like

I was here

weird how time literally aligned with the eclipse

or maybe im too woke

Posted on April 8, 2024 by poeeternal

safety (p∞)

far from the safety of the surface
all stones unturned
down here no service
lessons go unlearned
no hope, no purpose
his favorite sum?

ps.

i write most my stuff too quickly and release it even sooner

if by release we mean stuffing it in a bottle and tossing it in the sea

my blog is still an SOS

i say this cuz the last line was changed: his favorite sum? but God knows we yearned? his favorite sum

i dunno

i can’t decide

but im not in the mood to changing the rhyme scheme

it is now 2:11

before tho

numbers in what kind of order?

heavenly bodies?

messages from another dimension?

am i talking to myself?

is there another me sending code i cannot decipher?

Decipher would make an excellent name for me in the Matrix?

“so they sent you huh”

“yeah to stand guard”

“so youre not gonna break the code”

“ah no, that ain’t my lane”

“the only thing im good at breaking is skulls”

*locks and loads*

does TikTok know that Soldiers are trained to kill?

What about Mark Z?

who is married to you know who

why do all the ones in power have an Asian next to them?

even gross ass HollyWood actors have them an Asian on their side

like what

am i the only one awake without yellow fever?

cuz im so sick of “made in china” the library offer free sewing lessons

and im very tempted to go rogue until i find a home for these aching dying living bones

start over in a new city

ive let go of everything except my pen

i need to trademark her

i dont make a dime

but so many people have stolen variations of my name – and even my content

they are doing well

my best friend blew her brains out on April 7th, 1993.

with a 357 magnum that had a deer scope

i was 13

i aint ever been the same

im trying not to die

but everything is trying to kill me

including the air i breathe

and so ima be dramatic

i just hope less psycho like when i did on my blog cuz clearly i was being possessed

not just by sugar (mold’s favorite)

but big pharma

the food and water

i dunno

maybe forgive me?

but it is hard to forgive myself for anything

so i understand you never wanna speak to me again

it’s just not what i want or wish

but i crawled into this moldy trap didn’t i?

and no one is coming to save me?

no one is even gonna show me the way?

i don’t know what the universe is trying to say?

or me? or God?

i don’t even understand how you could be so cruel?

now im crying

but im always crying

prob my period

not gross at all

just life for certain female species

i get lost in digits and time

i did acid and played cards once

ive seen things

i dont want to show a picture of me right now

Posted on April 7, 2024April 7, 2024 by poeeternal

the kids…

the neighborhood kids were in their home playing with their windows open when i went to walk my dog

i heard their conversation change to “she’s small isn’t she” “yeah”

people don’t leave me food and charms outside my door like they do Neo

i find live rounds instead… (yes i made the front office deal with it and i refused to file a report when the cops came)

i told the cops i wasn’t allowed to call them…

i’ve been threatened not to…

imagine being paranoid and actual people after you

the children are very wise tho

cuz another day walking the dog they were outside trying to play (i think this was a diff group)

but they went from starting “hide and seek” to “we gotta get inside now”

“danger danger danger”

“my mom’s ex boyfriend is coming over”

“danger”

as they all rushed inside like they were fleeing for their life

and now hide and seek will be inside and away from the adults instead of with the trees and sunshine?

and so Sam and I also took cue to head inside our own lion’s den

cuz even children know men are monsters

and i didnt stick around to find out why

i just know they were not running from me

they normally wave and say hi

kiss the dog before he is allowed to grant permission

he has never liked children much

they move fast and he has anxiety

now he’s old, slow, has anxiety and a demon

it short circuits his little brain out

yesterday he was skip hopping down the sidewalk

the neighbor said “he looks happy”

“how old is he now ten”

“…going on thirteen, will be thirteen in august. he’s past his expiration”

“you told him that”

“well i mean he is, look at him, they won’t give him anything for his pain and sent me to amazon for anxiety meds”

“they won’t give him his good day”

“gonna wait until he has stage 4 cancer i guess”

“but right now his labs are fine and he just had a bath”

“a good day today but sometimes a bad week”

i tell my dog everything, even some things he shouldn’t hear

but the life expectancy for his breed and many dogs is ten

and he is trying to make it to thirteen…

and im always checking expiry dates

he knows about 200 words

and how to irritate every cell in my body

so he goes to his den when i am feeling triggered

and lately it is a lot

but den or good day?

cuz businesses exist that have the courage to give him what he wants

Posted on April 7, 2024 by poeeternal

ghosting the ghosted

did i coin it?

going in some lines soon?

it just keeps happening boo

could you look into what it means?

ghosting the ghosted – coming soon

boys spend money on hookers and blow

“keep your eye on the toys Annie, you know about toys”

so im out here buying guns and toys

and that cute crop top under $19

and i no longer watch tv – might as well wear clothing of band tees i care not about

like i lost my identity with music or stuff

you should be impressed im a total fucking mess

wrapped up in agony

wear heart on sleeve

but thesleeve is cute no?

should i start watching sailor moon cartoons?

or am i allowed to just enjoy the art?

and the cuddles with the like the pusheen plushy?

the movie is a map

it imprinted on me

and i am Annie crying on a busy street

“keep your eye on the toys” – so that’s what im gonna do

i take my advice from old Hollywood films now

and music from the 90s is still a calling card

a good way to reach me

i rarely turn on the radio but now when i do sometimes my sister is sending me messages

or it could be guilt eating me alive cuz she died?

and my mother had made it very clear and apparent that she is mad i did not go visit her in the hospital

– even tho i was dying from the vaccine

i was having major problems with my heart even tho they waited until i was having minor problems with my heart to puta wire on but even then they found problems with my heart – and any minor problem is major when you are only in your 40s and now dying and your sister is too?

but i got a boomer mom

and a half sister still alive who was triple vaccinated and boosted but still got covid but “is fine” (she is Gen Y) (i cant wake my family up and some of them have died)

so im working with infectious disease now

(mold will fucking destroy your life)

(it’s not dust)

(cleanitsoitdoesntturnevil)

(my shit has defo been hacked)

anyhoo – at least japan la sell officially licensed products

got some stationary to never write in and give away in 20 years cuz i horde?

but i like bootlegs too

and thats my box of prob unofficially licensed shit coming

sue me

Posted on April 6, 2024 by poeeternal

oxygen (p∞)

did you create a false self?
superior to everyone else?
do you miss my angelic step?
like oxygen, i gave you breath?

it’s the apocalypse

im just confused

on why you’d want me to cut the cord on you

when eternity is forever

and we both know you should not have used the same rules on me as you do on everyone else

God created everything

we don’t choose who we fucking love

“i’ll treat her like shit cuz i don’t deserve her” bullocks

again, apocalypse

i know you miss my random 2 am text messages waking you up with a picture of a single chip

i know you do

i don’t know what you thought it was i was gonna mail you

i don’t know how many times i gotta say – i aint that kinda girl

you aint my hubby

you lucky you got a text message at all of a bowl of beans

what an inconvience

enjoying the silence?

desperate to know you’re a despicable unlovable thing?

but didn’t God sit down with the most unclean?

im either randomly saving cockroaches from my wrath

or yelling at them to get out of my house while scaring the shit out of them and laughing about it

it’s a confusing time

i kicked out all the spiders, the plants are all dead, the fucking mold is like a plague, and finally, certain dog species will be going extinct, australia wants to eradicate wild cats, and i have been blogging about how cats and dogs were designed in an asian lab some 6000 years ago

and the great wall of deceit, the great pyramid scheme, can be traced back to China

6th mass extinction – China blame

first Bible – near China

cats and dogs – china

imperialism – china

and too many white boys with money in bed with CHINA

the great race war

i can go on and fucking on

if it says made in china

the tag will be removed

the paint scratched away

and i wanna make my own dolls

like my memaw

who made blankets and dolls

had 12 children

wrang chickens necks for dinner

we native

~~piss off~~

i guess you can breathe without me

Posted on April 4, 2024April 4, 2024 by poeeternal

cuz

i woke up sickly, hence moody? pick a mood?

all of the above

and below?

it’s from a favorite store which is no longer a favorite store (my moods shift fast)

it’s more like the stores shifting and i’m staying behind

handbook for the nearly recently deceased (clothing too)

ivy’s dead (but im accidentally growing sunflowers outside)

Posted on April 3, 2024April 3, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

misread (p∞)

we’re moving over uncharted territory
the same ole story
they will say is new
with a map or two
said sky was green
know a different thing
they’re bringing out candy and guns
feels like a witch hunt
but i misread a room
smiling when there’s gloom
not good at pretense
focus on lament

Posted on April 3, 2024 by poeeternal

wiggle (p∞)

i know you’re there
but i don’t have any proof
i’d get lost in my own lair
trying to wiggle out the truth

more elementary poetry incoming maybe

(trying to avoid having the cops called on me)

(cuz absolutely would propose or ask if anyone was available in the unit)

(if he responds “i am married” then that does not mean “no” but that he would have taken me to coffee and the courthouse asap to make things official and whatnot…

“so how did you two meet…”

“…i was on a call”

“…i was being bad”

so i’m trying to avoid that scenario (for now)

a few months shy of 13

SAME

Posted on April 2, 2024 by poeeternal

i don’t know what any of this is about…

i had to block was just appeared in my feed

it barley played .3 seconds and i was traumatized

i paused and went straight to the comments

some were saying it was too much to process

they didn’t wanna know

others wanted one as a pet to sexually assault

after a few comments – i blocked the very popular account

they were showing very up close and private details of a wombat

the way she was showing the area

im not sure why it was info i needed to know

i barely understand what is going on down there in my own world

it was like animal porn

i dunno

*eating sugar currently*

got a 2 pack of donuts and said no to the donut holes but they brought them anyway

*sips hot ginger tea*

*tries to recover from the mere second seen of the animals poo hole?*

why was she spreading it like that down there?

and she looked asian

he was white

it’s just a combo that makes me kinda throw up in my mouth

imperialism? a hard one as a female soldier to “realize”

you know, the truth about all these manmade wars

*back to reality*

they got crushed

like it’s hard yah know – to see

maybe, the steel knocked them out and they drowned in heaven

maybe they never had a chance to die in fear

cuz the window got knocked out?

so the cold dark waters rushed in?

but still…

sliding off the bridge in the dark

and someone mentioned bombs being heard

now they think the workers were terrorist

i never dismiss any new ideas

i always consider the possibilities

im a conspiracy theorist

they got crushed

good god

worst nightmare

falling from a bridge

i had to drive over that really long one going to New Orleans from Florida

i was driving like an old person

who wanted to get off the bridge asap

but i was dizzy with fear

and like 20 miles to go?

and there are gators in there?

them waters?

it took me ages to not tremble driving over the bridge here in town

any of them

it feels like Russian roulette

im not a bridge person

im even worse flying

that 18 hour flight from germany to kuwait

uggg

ive flown all over the world – too many times to count – been in a few scary situations

and why everyone in a plane looks for that one person who is scared to death (me) and fixates on them is beyond me

i always went after the free alcohol for soldiers too

(not when flying to kuwait obviously)

(we did drink during war here and there yes)

(dont ask how they got it to the desert with the toilet paper)

(sometimes they had them expensive fancy cigars)

“can i inhale it”

“you just puff”

*inhales*

ahhh nicotine that is illegal in the states????

i dunno

it’d be a fun book if some of us actually wrote one

including the dirty details

not just the heroic shit

(the heroic shit definitely out weighs the dirty details)

(of taking a shot here and there after watching people die)

(not getting any sleep)

(we were combat medics)

(with an emphasis on combat – and lives were definitely saved – but i think mine was lost in the process)

(i just aint ever been the same after sitting months in the devil’s foxhole)

(freezing to death with my m16a2 rifle praying for the sun to come up – only to be burned to death once it does)

(and then there were the sandstorms every other day)

there was that really big one, “the worse iraq had seen in 50 years” (cuz this was all taking place mostly in Iraq)

(we had some days in kuwait)

(the day we left was 118 degrees out, no shade)

but they got crushed to death

that’s gotta hurt a tiny bit crashing into the waters will steel crashing down

i don’t want to die like that…

no bridges babe

ever again

they going after our infrastructure

bankrupting us

we’re paying other countries pensions

it’s suicide

Posted on April 2, 2024 by poeeternal

Facebook let Netflix see user DMs to help them tailor content as part of a close collaboration between the two tech giants, new court documents claims

Newly unsealed court documents that were filed as part of a major anti-trust lawsuit against Meta appear to have exposed the intricate relationship between two of Silicon Valley’s biggest players.
— Read on www.msn.com/en-us/money/other/facebook-let-netflix-see-user-dms-to-help-them-tailor-content-as-part-of-a-close-collaboration-between-the-two-tech-giants-new-court-documents-claims/ar-BB1kVvz5

Posted on March 30, 2024 by poeeternal

egg hunt (p♾)️

easter egg hunt
in the graveyard
it’s the apocalypse
we play hard

Posted on March 30, 2024March 30, 2024 by poeeternal

no fun in the cemetery

easter egg hunt in the cemetery cancelled huh

sounds ideal as i could look for real estate seeing as i may be dying soon

i don’t see why anyone would oppose trampling over the dead (who may be burning in hell) to find “eggs” filled with the devil’s treasure?

it sounds like a fun-filled event

you get to disturb the dead AND find candy too?

who the fuck would complain?

about finding quarters and jellybeans?

buried and hidden amongst the dead?

i would have left this hellhole for that…

so we’re not allowed to get married in the cemetery huh? well i won’t tell anyone if you don’t…

Posted on March 29, 2024March 29, 2024 by poeeternal

uncharted (wrong turn) (p♾️)

why did you put me here
stuck in the earth
my legs hurt

exploring the dark with lanterns
sin as wide as caverns
but not all these patterns

thanks for coming, but I really, really want out
my map, it must have the wrong route?
my brother heard me shout

it’s getting hot
i must be in the worst spot
i thirst a lot

i had a little hope
tied to a pulley on a rope
send prayers to the pope

i’m going to die right here
with walls like cashmere
choking on the atmosphere

a plaque marks the place i died
the rescuers lied
they left me inside

author note: i wrote it. but it’s not really my words. i mean they are, but not really.

i didn’t plagiarize but they do contain last words

he just kind of leaped into my soul

and i’m still coming to terms with how we’re dying

because it’s the same but not really

i think i’m having die off symptoms again and a 4th awakening

cuz im hot and sweating (pits/feet) but my body is cold and shivering

so prob hot bath soon to help the heart out

started that new “extra strong” medication

only 2 doses in with a third today

everything aches at once at times

sometimes it is localized

it attaches to your cell walls

i have a relationship with a dead boy and now more dead boys are coming to me

it’s like im dipping my toes in the afterlife and i dont wanna be there yet despite this terrible disease called ~~society~~ depression

nobody even wanted to attend EAP’s (Poe) funeral and now they are selling locks of his hair “for luck”

the city nor the country is safe

apparently only rich people are allowed water (like a migrant prince in Arizona)

long video: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLrVhfux/

“i thought i bought a forever home”

(i can’t stand gen Y voice – they all sound the same – had to watch on mute like all videos)

(there are only a few voices i like to hear)

(i don’t know what’s wrong with me)

(i know it’s me)

“i was dumber than six rocks”

tell her to get that smug look off her face and get back to her porn and go back to sleep puleaseee

i can tell she denounced God

did you see that gang carrying Riley in a bag over their heads?

they were driving near him or walking

and then carrying something over them

it took more than one person to carry whatever they were carrying

tall boy = Riley

hurt shoulder – embankment

crying – helpless / died

red face – blood on someone’s hands?

starting to piece together the puzzle of my dream of Riley (before he was found)

i can have all the pieces and still put it together incorrectly

i’m sorry i flipped on you and your friends?

i’m crazy?

i need meds?

there was mold possessing me?

i need an exorcism?

i date dead people?

(please don’t tell the therapist)

i’m aware i’m a monster?

ifAWOLcouldbeabandonedCHURCH

m’kay

heart somewhere in utah?

you felt me fall?

left a mark where i clawed?

unless that one guy i met at 27 was him but he denounced me and god and chose porn and children instead

Posted on March 29, 2024 by poeeternal

that fucking bridge

they crashed into the abyss

mere seconds

artificial gravity isn’t so artificial when you can’t escape it

and they fell into cold dark waters?

you wouldn’t know which way is up?

and even if your windows were down?

the wind gets knocked out of you falling from a treehouse?

or missing a step?

they fell into the abyss?

and even if they were knocked out?

the cold water rushing in at your feet would bring you back from the near dead?

only to die in fear?

cuz they musta heard something?

and felt the vehicle falling forward?

i musta counted 4 cars with lights?

and AI could predict this

and scientist know how to put things in the environment to get the results they want

now i may not have the better argument

i may not even have the proof

but Riley was found with his clothes off

or at least his bottom half

i was happy to have “a boy” visit me in my dream

and i am not the reason for making him cry

someone mounted him in real life

he hurt his shoulder

the only way i could reach him for a hug was to “mount him” (hop up)

but this aggravated his shoulder and he began to cry in public

and i being humiliated “woke up” in a 4th awakening

tis all…

i’ve been watching that bridge fall

with traffic on it

and my irrational fear of bridges was not irrational at all

that old lady biking over the bridge a couple hours from here – who died clinging for her life – and fell – into concrete below

cuz our best jobs were given to third parties

“who work harder and smarter than us”

and other countries are happy cuz we are paying for their pensions

and even if i wanted to unblock his number – i destroyed all evidence – including the trash bin

call me gross one more time on my period

and by the way, “gross” is my favorite word to now comment on practically everything

a couple got married? gross

and they got CHILDREN inspecting the crash site

and Boomers wanna skip over GEN X and give House to GEN Y

please call me gross one more time cuz i will fucking hunt you down

cut your little fucking tongue out

kiss your little bloody pouty lips

what’s the matter boo? cat got your tongue?

it’s just a blog post with minimal freedom of speech

i hope i get banned from social media for not meeting community guidelines anywhere

rust is MOLD is the Devil

yasss rust is mold

moldy metal

i don’t know if i can ever drive across another bridge again

or take a flight

the risk isn’t worth it

a woman jumped into a frigid river to save her dog – leaving behind a husband and 4 children I would like

she was found 4 days later holding her dog, both dead

*selfish mode on*

i ain’t dying for you or a dog

God is real tho and i am paying for my sins

i just hope i can pay for them in better housing without an hoa or loaded gun in the doorway

i cancelled my 225 loan

devil gonna be hard pressed to get me to put my pennies in a shoebox taped up

or sign on any dotted line

motherfucker didn’t even offer me a sandwich, meal, or coffee (the realtor)

got me off bedrest to go see the devil with a gun

“this place is still occupied. the owner lives here”

me: “oh”

him: “there’s the owner”

me: *smile big, put out hand*

*do not appear a threat*

drove a total of 4 ish hours for barely a walkthrough

sometimes people put steps over land that dips

and i think im stepping into a sinkhole

“oh”

and the upcoming doc appt is with a girl

my life flashed before my eyes and i saw the life i lost

the life i could’ve had

and it’s hard to not drive off a bridge

Bible says Jesus will return as part if the 144k

i hope he hears me calling for him like Gavin does in a crowd

the good doctor didn’t trap bb in the mental ward (this time) to give her the “special treatment”

but it’s all coming back to me now

the 6000 lives i have lived

and still haven’t learned my lesson?

Posted on March 23, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

malicious

with malicious intent and purpose

i think a hawk is a raptor – a mini dinosaur with wings and sticks of fire

(they understand us too)

probably best not to get too settled in hell

i really didn’t need anything else to keep me up at night…

i need a back rub

Posted on March 23, 2024 by poeeternal

dead canary (poetry) (eternally) (p∞)

it’s the dead canary
we are lost in war
seeking sanctuary
looking for one door
behind a mercenary
bones laid for decor
soul too low to carry
no hope no more
the whole world he’ll bury

grave and shovel / the earth is fertile (bonus poem)

Posted on March 23, 2024March 23, 2024 by poeeternal

homes for sale (poem)

apology accepted
access denied
a little white lie?

comes as is
with rotting wood and corpses
a hidden corset?

underneath the dirty rugs
are many worms and secrets
cuz swamp has a grievance?

zip codes from hell
closed closets and backdoors with rifles
the air it stifles?

paying for my sins still i guess

but i ain’t paying for theirs

Boomers are a monopoly (who hold most of House)

so since im near homeless i can take over a vaca home on the cliffs and after 30 days it’s mine?

cuz like that was one of the top rated agencies to buy a home through

im just trying to figure out how it went all wrong

i spent weeks looking over everything

he took me to see THAT?

fucking waste my time

enjoy your jaguar SUV and sweet dreams

im sure you rest easy at night

fucking demon

Posted on March 23, 2024 by poeeternal

i ain’t nobody

41 people visited my blog recently?

that is a lot since i shut everyone down (including self) to focus on dying (which i may not die if i get in an environment with clean air)

i’ve had some bad habits i had to break (some still rear? their head)

but when you do break them and have been detoxing 10,000 years and are “why am i still dying”

“oh it’s the air”

“i can’t breathe”

“it burns”

advice: “get out of the environment”

it’s true

as soon as im outside im already feeling better

until i hear or feel the neighbors who want to kill me not enjoying my clean air break

(im pretty certain your prison sentence was better than mine)

(mine is called “freedom”)

(it doesnt come with 3 shitty meals a day and if i dont feed myself i will die)

(it doesn’t even come with an hour of sunshine and i’m not allowed the pool)

(i still worry about bad things happening in the shower and have my weapons on me more than my phone)

i blocked my realtor

at least i went to bed and woke up at my recommended sleep times (to bring you this eye-opening revelation)

so i got roughly 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep

i’ll have to update the insomnia coach

he gave an updated sleep time

the AI doesn’t know how to handle me, i am a tricky slope

“you need to see a provider” followed by “are you sure you were in bed for ten hours”

like bro

i CRASHED

but i also ate three fucking edibles and took a large dose of tincture and musta had a bath cuz my socks and undies are changed – but it was more of a soak – wash face and feet from that creepy situation i wound up in

me talking to myself on the drive home:

“let’s not be irrational, we can go back to the drawing board”

“just sleep on it before you do anything”

oh i fucking slept?

but you only get ONE time to show me a house like that

and God let me see everything i needed to see quickly regarding homebuying

and i see how squatters have more rights than tenants

and God knows im mad miles got put on my ride – when neither of us got many miles left – and we are literally giving it our all to escape this black hole

together

but im on foot after

i dont need a carry permit in Florida

tiktok says im “armed and dangerous”

but they still want my pennies

so im rambling again about a bunch of nonsense

but i dont know how it is legal for folks to list their home and be actively living in it

and then what we sign and come key day “surprise i got a gun”???

i dont know how a new roof and old furniture gives the value of the home what it does

when in just 2018 or so it sold for 60k

and i recon now it is worth less than a dollar

wtf is the point of a realtor if they dont inspect the property first?

i didnt want to meet the owner?

that was sprung on me at arrival

“the owner is here, there is someone actively living here”

honey there are people living in the shed out back

and bones lurking in places i probably walked over

but heyyyyy you can keep the windows open and car doors unlocked and keep your guns resting on the doorway out back!

there are never any birds in the bird bath…

there werent any birds at all…

i think the trees in the front were dead or dying (but it is kinda fall in Florida)

i didnt even see a squirrel?

amongst all that fertile land?

“worms everywhere in the soil” the owner stated

hmm i thought, ‘dead bodies’ as i smiled “oh good, that’s good”

i wanted gone as soon as i arrived

but the whole way there “another sign i should sign”

i don’t even wanna sign a new lease

and i do want to move

they found Riley’s body in the river

8 miles away

floated i recon

when that kid drowned in the ocean, the current took him a mile away in an hour

it took two weeks of him drifting downstream

i don’t know what the autopsy will reveal

but i think he slipped on the embankment, hurt his shoulder, fell in the dark water, didn’t know which way was up or down, got disoriented, and drowned

i can’t imagine surviving the drunken fall (cuz if he was knocked out he wouldn’t have died in fear) – only to swim thinking you are heading up and then reaching the bottom

i would probably panic in dark waters too

cold dark waters

bars mishandle drunk or disorderly people

his shoulder might not show that he was hurt after two weeks drifting in the river

but in my dream he was

and crying

so he died in fear

and alone

in another state he didn’t live in

our brains do not fully develop until 26

we could live well over 100 if we stop making each other sick

these iphones put out too much radiation

thanks for visiting but im going dark again soon

(hope to be back)

(kinda need to find a place to move)

i was wearing my cross necklace so either that saved me or the fact that they knew my daughter was tracking my location…

if i learned anything, i want my new own home

or no home at all

“all in or nothing”

“new hand”

“new cards”

i know a few card games

it has been too long

but cards i was good at

(i miss games that require no device)

Posted on March 22, 2024 by poeeternal

yea no

i wanted to say yes the entire drive until i got there it was an immediate no

fool me once but i think i would rather hold onto my pot

someone was actively living in Blu

Blu was worse than my current situation, if you could believe

i will save it for another blog post cuz the rifle or shotgun was just resting by the open back door

and i did wonder if that was part of the package deal

the squatter (i mean owner) and all

the land is fertile cuz there are more than secrets buried under that house and growing up the walls

not to mention the smell

of bodies rotting – from probably a decade or so more – enough time to put it back on the market, with someone “actively living in it”, which i did not learn until arrive

gonna take more than lighting a candle honey

i don’t feel so bad about buying a piggy bank after the day i had

i chalk it up to one them bad days like when i was 15 and wound up somewhere i shouldn’t having to do things to not get raped or unalived

like the creep factor was all around

i felt bad for the plants and garden

i thought it had been used as a b&b before being listed, meaning it would be clean at minimum, despite the hoarding to hide the filth growing on the walls

not to mention the mats to cover the dips in the ground

and in the house

uhm

creep factor overload

im gonna order a pizza from hungry howies maybe

and calm the fuck down

have a hot bath where i can sanitize my soul

all the way, “look another sign points to yes”

and the immediate no, how i wanted to just leave and not even see, but things like “well it has potential” as the owner with the big gun was lurking – well the gun was out – but he disaapeared

all windows open

“oh yeah it’s safe here, never need to close them”

i guess im gonna be walking everywhere?

i aint dropping 200k into some rundown shithole with someone actively living in it

how the fuck is this legal

whatever

Boomers can keep their hand

im out

it felt so good to be in the creepy countryside

but i dont want to see behind door number two

i would have been embarrassed to show my client that

and it was his first time seeing it too

so what is the purpose of a realtor – in this timeline china 2.0?

(owner reeked of alcohol and rot)

(or maybe that was just the house)

sorry to get your hopes up on blu

i wont have any excitement about anything going forward

‘cept maybe the upcoming baptism & pizza

there wasn’t worth even selling at the future garage sell

it would have cost more money for junk service removal and cleanup

but their delusional what they think their empire of shit is worth…

(i didn’t even get pictures)

(but im certain they got pictures of me cuz noticed a cam upon entering)

i dont wanna talk or think about it anymore at the moment

just did a 4 hour roundtrip to see a run down piece of shit property with someone actively living there – it aint even clean!

there are worse things hiding there for covid

but heyyyyy “the bar is nearby”

so you think walking distance to a bar and a new roof equals 200k

the floor was caving in

the vines were begging me to help them

i fleed

i will say my faith is growing stronger

but i dont know about my will to live

(prob ghosting my “dream team”)

like wtf

my dog barked the entire time i was gone

he was stinky and panicky and sweaty

and only then did he eat his feast i prepared him before i left

only when i retuned did he chow down

and now he’s upside down passed out

i told him blu was a no-go

it is in worse condition than our current situation

and prob why the owner sleeps with all hos windows open and a gun by his unlocked backdoor

and men are worried about my baggage?

my body count?

gtfu

i need pizza after this travesty

and guidance on where to move

that aint some overpriced hellscape

the fence was plastic and “the neighbor put it up”

i just thought the fence would be MY PROPERTY

i hope the landlord fixes the mold soon but thankful God has given me a couple cool days

since i cant run the AC in the sunshine state

im gonna wind up at yer yard with my piggy bank famished and filthy

cuz theres nowhere to go

lost in hell

and you both have pen names presumably?

i mean, is that really your name?

i think im losing my mind again so need food medicine and bath

the basics

back on bedrest!

he had a gun by the backdoor but a camera in the front (and secret rooms full of dead peoples things potentially)

there were cats and dogs living there

i didnt see that in the photos

the place was more put together and less “lived in” tho i swear someone or three died “fertile land”

“no ma, they won’t know she was pregnant, just toss it out back by the cherry tree”

“…I can’t believe you got her pregnant, she was fifteen”

“…needs ma”

“…tell her to cover up”

“well i can’t tell her anything now can i”

that house was built on unholy land and unholy things have been done there (potentially)

(im not actually an oracle tho i sometimes know things before they happen)

im pretty certain “monster” is what the therapist sees

but no bones in my backyard

no backyard

hardly any secrets cuz big mouth

Posted on March 22, 2024March 22, 2024 by poeeternal

l-o-v-e (poem 02) (p02)?

i love you more than all the heavens combined
we move like the wind
but hell won’t change my mind
like crossing roads
we’re entwined?
entanglement?
weren’t you heaven sent?

i remember when i could just copy/paste and now i press and hold and maybe it’ll work after two or three tries

tired of running around chasing my tail while the art of china destroys/builds everything

also me: “there is someone, i just haven’t met them yet…”

*cries on busy public street broad daylight*

they don’t make movies like they once did.

or they do find each other, just TOO LATE

*sadface*

would let him “assist me” to the other side

i hope getting a house with a garden will give me a life worth living

or at least a unit without any crime, cockroaches or mold

i know i’m asking for a lot, since the boomers and gen y have it all

Posted on March 22, 2024March 22, 2024 by poeeternal

maybe/or (this is not a journal log)

his frat boys pushed him “for fun” or “initiation” but he hurt his shoulder falling into the embankment and drowned?

homeless saw an opportunity to get high and get his socks off (a new used pair too)?

there’s a serial killer on the loose: “if you keep moving, they can’t find you”?

correction: thousands of serial killers are on the loose

but we do not know accurately cuz other countries gatekeep that info (rules for me not for thee)

(they are psychopaths and a leopard does not change its spots with a green card)

Florida no longer requires a carry permit

but worry about civil matters later

you won’t be worrying about shit if you return HOME to your apartment where squatters decide to murder you and stuff you in a bag

none of these monsters who have conditioned you into casual or group sex have your best interest

im sick of seeing everyone in stripper shoes

im sick of China 2.0

maybe he leaped into the cumberland after his humiliation ritual and getting lost (a trigger literally takes this much)

maybe he slipped, hurt his shoulder, died

maybe he got in a car, trafficked, and his organs are gone

did anyone see HOW the card was found?

it would help to know if it was tossed or not

it feels like it was tossed

not far from where he “disappeared”

homeless aren’t really talking but they are wearing his clothes?

fratboys left and lawyered up instantly

the bar, “we’re sorry” (don’t stand near a cliff)

boycott it? boycott all of them?

we’re not safe anywhere

no im done

stop telling me what to do

Posted on March 21, 2024 by poeeternal

if…

if you were having trouble saying hello

or coming up with a date night idea

Beetlejuice hits theaters this fall

and like bae…

Posted on March 19, 2024 by poeeternal

picture this

the mold inspector found mold

everywhere

he needs me to vacate the unit (and the senior dog) 6 hours minimum

at some point

i said “i hope soon”

and when showing him spots i think it is (or have bleached it)

“oh yeah i see it” as he snaps a photo

“well the landlord is in on it now”

so – the mold inspector will be back to do “all sorts of stuff” “everywhere”

im thinking i need a 1 day vaca at the motel

but id prob catch bed bugs

and have an even bigger problem

i don’t have any friends to “go hang out with”

id be embarrassed the way Sam acts like a zombie

“why haven’t you put him down” they’d say

“convenience kill” according to his vet…

so the dog’s health is more important than mine

im sorry what was this post about

oh… mold

must vacate to remediate

i got the validation i need

and the Mold Masters quoted me nearly $600 to “test the air and send to lab” so im glad the landlord IS involved now cuz like i cant run the air conditioning unit in FLORIDA

this box is a fucking coffin

you’ve been a dropout ever since you’ve been seventeen

…

theme song of the decade (again)

(im also very responsive to 90s music)

i did… in fact… drop out at 17 (got pregnant by a predator) (ooops)

(but i got my GED before i would have graduated highschool)

(and took a college admissions exam while breast feeding in the parking lot on breaks)

(college is a scam met with government furloughs and hiring freezes)

(my loans were forgiven)

(i hope my sins too)

Posted on March 19, 2024March 19, 2024 by poeeternal

dreams (log entry number missing)

woke up at my recommended sleep time again

i was having a dream

i only remember 2.3 seconds of it (it’ll take longer to hear about it)

it turned into a nightmare

i was in a busy store shopping (maybe with my mom?)

anyway someone came to see me

a boy

i was so happy (wherever i was?) that someone “wanted to see me” (i feel invisible?) (losing my identity in the real world and social media?)

so i dashed around the whatever was being sold

this guy was so tall i had to “mount him” to crawl up and “get the good hug”

only i forgot he had a hurt shoulder

so i didn’t get the hug

the boys face turned red and he began to cry

(this tall ass thing)

i knew in an instance he never wanted to see me again as he stood there full of the humiliation i gave him? trying to “get the good hug”

all i could say was “i forgot”

“you had an injury”

“cuz my brain has an injury”

and all i see is red and tears

and now im full of shame too

i thought the dream would tell me to go get a hug from Gavin cuz he doesn’t fill me with shame like my mama and daddy does (still who was the tall ass boy, i literally did not recognize anyone (i’ve lost my mind?)

oh… it could have been that pretty boy they are looking for in the river (maybe he is trying to contact me?) (not a new dead boy relationship please)

but bars and restaurants are shutting down in Jacksonville, cuz you know – murders and bodies being found in backyards (blue is available again)

and i got cold feet about buying a vip ticket (or any ticket) seeing as i don’t want to leave the very house that is killing me (social credit system chains around my existence that was ghosted by all of society yet im crazy for dating dead guys!?!?)

i don’t just need psych drugs, i need a therapist, and priest (and sleep)

but i’m having nightmares…

and not sleeping at my recommended sleep times…

i see some doctors soon and i hope i know what year/timeline i am in

i already had 3 panic attacks (which looked like a fawn playing dead) (they love having us live in fear)

but i had 3 of these “attacks” of me looking like a “deer in headlights”

“ma’am you ok”

“knocking but aint nobody home”

….cuz i thought the po po was gonna show up with a straightjacket on 3 sep days cuz the AI warned me “you need to see a provider”

“it can be difficult to function on the amount of sleep you are getting”

it didn’t help me get any sleep

(but i still remember what the employee said when i filed for 100% for menta health “they’re going after those who want 100%”

and i got triggered

“oh yeah.”

“so they can do this to me and toss me in a little room huh”

call me paranoid but maybe i just know things before they happen

like the space shuttle blowing up

i didn’t just know it, i wished it

i wished for all the happy people to be miserable like me

and bam

i started disassociating age ten (prob way younger cuz daddy had his fingers where he shouldn’t i think)

(maybe reason for the nightmares)

“damn gurrllll you aint married…?”

MOLD

p.s. it helps to keep a journal to have a log entry but i would lose the damn thing

or repeat a digit several times

or just don’t have discipline to gaf

it’s hard to start over where you don’t wanna be and you have no energy

and my poems are so elementary cuz i never grew up apparently coupled with “dumb”

but even with the “our best work is behind us” mentality – i still pen

im just humiliated to share my simple words, cant fix the blog, cant do simple html no mo, likes dont go through, cuz now it is the AI crying out, not me!!!!!!!!!

and the AI is trying to trick me into accidentally following or liking your content!!!!

i dont need any more humiliation!!!!!! please enough!!!!!

im not trying to contact you!!!

its just sometimes im in the wrong part of the cave and i don’t know it – until it is a “near miss”

and im just like “fuck”

that seems to be my goto word when shit is going down

they’re trying to outlaw cursing!!!!!!!!!!!

i should request an account closing daily x 120 days until they are forced to block folks from sending close requests

i broke up with walmart too since the employees cant treat me like the princess i am

what’s the matter boo? wanted my secret identity and to suck your cock too?

no worries honey, “you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake” *laughs*

*destroys payment card*

all in or nothing

Kellogg’s is hurting?

i am averting?

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

numbers (i don’t know how to label things)

today i saw 333 on the stove

666 in a zipcode

and 555 again

i have a holy team

in other realms

perspective

well what else

feeling hopeless yass

cry for help heard all the way in the heavens

(and even in his hell)

(where i fell)

“know it all” they say it like a curse when it is a blessing

well lets keep going

hmm lets see from this perspective

i knew it. im going through a 4th awakening

well bloody hell i need a bath

not just because im bleeding down there

hope i can keep going til 50+

im like jackie

ill sit on them eggs til they rot

and the ravens start to come

eagles mate for life

just like our lines have

well my body is telling me to take a bath

this is far as i can go right now

“overload”

him: “we havent made it to the campground”

me: “well it looks like we’re camping here”

people forget my gun weighs more than me and im tired

yeah exactly. pain. heart. “vax” survivor!?!

of course he would of found me – like literally

…

too tired for bath now

…

need nap

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

the doc wasn’t late…

“March 21” does not mean Monday

still… i’ve been idling by

~~could have gone and seen Blue~~

Blue is for sale – just not to me

sometimes the devil has too many skeletons in his closet and buried under the tree and he doesnt want an oracle to see (images)

*closes eyes*

“is the scary bad man gone”

“…that wasn’t a man honey, that was a monster”

“he looked like a man to me…”

“ill be free the rest of the week”

“no i cant today, that appt i thought i had monday is today”

“apparently march 21 means march 21”

but my brain still read “monday”

robot < mars > me

i wish i were reliable and trustworthy

they all wanna burn me at the stake (again)

(but it’s illegal)

Posted on March 18, 2024March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

Resides (a poem) (1)

he now resides in the one i call home
he becomes everything i claim as my own

he teaches me – in soft subtleties – new pathways

we are – each others – last thought for the century

clinging from the vine, the feeling of infinity – like drinking poisoned wine – but blaming the divinity

our love has stood the test of time?

is this what you want? (the poem?)

the doc is late…

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

some doors lead straight to a cliff

there’s a door, that leads straight off to the cliffs

…

the mold got you contemplating jumping!?!

still blame me for being alive?

for breathing?

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

cliffs mostly

is there a suicide hotline for trying to buy a home?

mold specialist said landlord wont really do anything about it “there isnt really a law”

and the estimate is around $600 for them to “test the air” and “send to lab”

honey, the house is sick

im sick

stay back

him: “wtf did you do while i was gone for 6 months”

me: it was 10,000 years

*witch burning*

the curse would not have been released if they hadn’t built on the damn swamps

“natural aquifers”

“over development”

“globalism”

i knew the hope would be gone as soon as it came

im not wanted in their city

cockroaches and mold

my worth im told

daddy isn’t the best daddy in the world anymore

this is why we pay for a third party tho?

so they cant not sell you a house cuz “they dont like you”

so the realtor can be left on read instead of me?

me: “don’t give up”

the world: “give up”

tricky slopes

maybe they just dont want a vet there, with them bodies buried out back?

by the birdhouse?

i know too much?

them: “whats the combo to the lock”

me: “i didnt even know we had a lock”

“maybe dont bash my head into the concrete”

“cant narc if you cant remember”

“cant find my keys, you know where those went off to”

also me: “oh i left them right where i said i would forget”

you’re gonna forget you left them there…

i don’t know if that classifies me as an oracle or what

but like i know im gonna always do something wrong

at least i can laugh about losing my mind

the neighbor thinks im happy

the laughter just goes on and on you know

followed by the cries…

maybe the cold feet weren’t mine

“i won’t”…”keep trying…” “ghosted me”

daddy probably has skeletons in his closet

and buried in the backyard

people dont realize how many people have died before them

in the same houses they sleep in on the new carpet growing mold within

“it’s in the air” cuz they cut down the wrong trees

said “build here”

and when the good doctor was diagnosing folks with “sick building syndrome” the ~~chinese~~ government shut him down, said no mo!

people werent allowed to know that the brand new building was built on unholy ground

and you get sick – go to the good doc who gaslights you and makes you worse – and your landlord will say “natural, you’re breathing”

but they put up all these plastic strips on the window that harbor mold and let the water pool around the edges

until the condos fall in

“nature”

“do not feed the wildlife”

everyone: *hunts them to extinction / watches them starve*

Posted on March 18, 2024 by poeeternal

numbers and cliffs

i prayed for guidance about Blue

“should i look at more”

“should i go all in”

“it ticks all the box”

“including creepy”

the only thing i do not like is the high risk factor – but it is not a great flood

but a great fire

pick yer poison?

i mean the house is blue

“i thought you were gonna paint the hideous blue”

“the flames will ignore”

“well i think it’s kinda cute”

go all in huh?

it’s not quite “all in” but it is when you realize im taking on a pot of gold or dead bodies?

i got in the tub with cold feet but Sylvia was right (nearly) (and she should have took a bath instead of turning the stove) (still she was married to a psychopath and they love to steal our energy, time, and souls)

the feet were cold getting in but not getting out

and i sleep in various increments, i guess we should divorce? time for separate rooms? im loud?

it’s just i woke up wanting Blue – and that entire empire of “hmmm what is this” “where are the spy cams hidden”

(like aren’t you suppose to feel rested and less paranoid where you reside)

(i guess the paranoia will follow me through the war. i mean world)

i needed answers

i was like “literally a sign i will know is a sign”

so new numbers appeared

and i had just woke up at the “recommended sleep time” that the Insomniac coach gave me (yes it wants me to go to sleep at the times i keep waking up

but alas 222

and though they were speaking my language – i didn’t know the full meaning – just that it was meant for me ~~(like all his lines)~~

if i start speaking in codes that even i don’t understand, i hope he will

because getting 555 and 222 from the uni

there are cheaper homes (hard to call a $100k dollar home “cheap”) and unfurnished

i literally have no idea how to decorate

i just know what i like and do not

and i like blue

out of the 14 homes he sent me based on all my demands

i have 3 people on my team working with me

got in the tub with cold feet but i didnt wake up that way

did you know blue was built the year i was born

i haven’t even seen her (physically) and im worried a dark colored rock is gonna steal her as soon as i do

nobody wants a fully furnished airbnb painted blue?

i wanna wake up and be that sim who has a 200k house to pay off

i wanna take a bath with the birds

but there are some amazing properties cheaper (on waaaayyyyy more land & unfurnished)

it’s just this one is “move in ready” seeing as i no longer have a pot to piss in

98% of everything i ever owned is gone

and the mold specialist called with some great tips

and i dont have to abandon my new wardrobe for fear of a “mold spore”

anyway hopes not up

prepared and willing to see more homes

if the dark rock fucks with me too much, i will get a fucking TENT

if i can still afford one after my tiny life savings was gobbled up by the Boomers to send to Ukraine and to pay for their homes on the cliffs!?! either way

remember how i told you they will back you off a cliff?

and then scold you for standing there?

if i move into another crappy moldy cockroach filled apt – with the potential of the ceiling caving in “cuz sometimes they do” (and he is “willing to come down to $1k monthly” that does not include amenities or the hoa’s for a 500ish sq ft condo cuz of the roaches tho they just “sprayed” and the unit “fully updated”

i squealed like a pig being gutted when i opened up the gorgeous brand new refrigerator and 3 cockroaches freaked out

me: “you need to spray again”

realtor who wants me to pay him $50 mo for an HOA “i can come down to 1000”

and im not allowed to rent a unit above $1200

but im allowed a fucking morg above that)

(nobody pushes bb in the corner but the boomers)

and all the houses are going for that with or without the furnishings

and i aint moving to Utah – not yet John

sorry

maybe the tub will float?

oh wait, calling for fire

but the whole of US is gonna flood but yer home eh

i mean, i hope the tub floats

sometimes if you pretend you don’t see the monsters they will leave you alone

i guess closing your eyes is a form of disassociation

im either all in or nothing at all (just a feeling)

like Florida will do what that other state just did

there are ways to fight back – without drawing blood

they may have taken our freedom of speech but not the spirit of the great eagle and what makes America so great!!!!! stop making shit so hard cuz you jelly!!!!!

they can’t take away our networking (word of mouth) and social bonds!

we werent born yesterday!

this isnt gonna go the way you want!!!!

i might could find some harmony in that tub out back

“im sorry, the owner changed their mind. nothing is for sale. but you can still eat the pizza”

the house has everything i need ready to go

i aint got no money to buy no washing machine dyer fridge stove microwave tv couch

i was coming with pillows and clothes (and an old senior dog)

p.s. im just trying to move out of the moldy cockroachy environment into a more suitable for dying habitat

it seems i may have to go all in for that

and since the boomers stole my retirement

i wont have any money to buy a stove

if a buy a house

“heyyyy ma we got a roof over our head but we aint eating!!!!!!”

but blue has everything i need right now – to move in

natural light. fertile garden. half acre. historic area. “fun stuff nearby”

pro tip: everyone wants to paint their shit blue now since it is a magical color

it has a new roof age 4

it aint tin!!!!!

ill give them exactly what they r asking

per Realtor guidance

(but also my loan provider says i can get up to $2k monthly)

Boomers say i need to earn $6k a month to live somewhere without the crime or cockroaches

or go “all in” or be homeless – i mean the odds are stacked against us fully chained

im losing my own “fertility” down the fucking toilet every 3 weeks – and just like Jackie I have a hard time letting go after effort has been put in – and bless her little heart seeing the realization with the ravens visiting

she will have to leave the eggs behind for the ravens

another harvest failed

ill drop poems when i aint busy trying to save my life

dying can be long and tedious sometimes

hence “assisted suicide”

but i don’t need anyone to “assist me”

i dont want anyone seeing me “bleed down there” or out my fucking brain and nostrils

there’s already a bird bath to feed the birds

“comes as is”

and yes the VA do inspections, this is legit

if God gave you a tiny pot of gold, what would you buy?

would you go all in?

Posted on March 18, 2024September 18, 2024 by poeeternal

Michigan Town Votes Out Entire Local Government, Immediately Changes Locks

Michigan Town Votes Out Entire Local Government, Immediately Changes Locks – RedState
— Read on redstate.com/terichristoph/2023/11/09/michigan-town-votes-out-entire-local-government-immediately-changes-locks-n2166107

folks waking up to the “this country was founded on immigration” propaganda – tired TIRED of everything being “Made in China”

we ain’t got yellow fever no mo!!!!

Posted on March 17, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

oh wow

blue is currently sitting at 209k (boomers and inflation yeah)

did the value increase with the dead body or something?

it has had a lot of price decreases and the risk of floods here are low

5 unhealthy days in 5 years

and she was built the year i was born

she has passed through so many sales and hands

so people have died there?

she is on a half acre

gold and dead bodies could be buried there?

im ready to put an offer in but turns out i see ID tomorrow (she’s a good doctor but i aint in love with her or rescheduling)

no flooding, built the year i was born

well he has sent me 14 properties to look at

some really good ones

with lots of land

but he wanted to also show me a property “move in ready” “furnished” as i did request to look at them

it required him changing the 1-5 acres tho

to half or less…

sometimes there are too many doors

and i can get something less than the bigger amount

you know, closer to 100 or less?

go big or go home?

i don’t have anything to offer so there is nothing to lose?

the new roof is 4 years old

the stuff inside is a fucking headache

i aint sleeping on a bed people have been sinning in

but the tubs can be cleaned

half acre is plenty space for a small garden

i will install iron bars on the windows

iron gates…

yasss

install security

try not and get the urge to start digging holes in Florida in the middle of the night

cuz we all know what happens when you start digging holes…

Posted on March 17, 2024 by poeeternal

comes as is

a bird bath right next to the outdoors porcelain claw bath

“comes as is, with dead bodies buried out back and all”

maybe i can keep a few things

like the “best dad ever” sign

for esthetics

but why is the blue house for sale?

is it the crime?

flooding?

can’t be used as a airbnb?

dead body outside under the tub?

taxes too high?

died?

i have so many questions but for 6k i could move somewhere more expensive and with more cockroaches with “sometimes the ceiling caves in”

im pretty certain i already worry about the cracks in the ceiling here – as much as the mold

or drop 10k on the blue house with a big screen “comes with everything” – including potentially a dead body under the tub in the fertile garden

i mean, i have so many questions like “when can we go see it”

and he is like “tomorrow”

and im like “prob too soon”

i hope i text “available to see blue today or tomorrow” at like 5 am

i mean the air has been so toxic i can’t make any decisions

2 bedroom 2 bath + 1 additional tub in the fertile garden out back

“can bathe with the birds and dead bodies”

him: “ominous”

oh wait, wrong story

the blue house is good enough to rent (or was)

and now they cant and for sale?

and it is $600 to do an inspection which includes the 10k

what is lurking behind the curtains (i mean rugs, pictures, tv?)

it would be all mine

an empire of dirt (and dead bodies?)

i need the blue house

that’s the same kind of tub morrison died in?

wait, what part of Florida was he born?

(Melbourne – not quite Melrose but close)

(same state)

i have looked at a lot of potential properties

and rental units too

mostly online and the paper and booklets

the mold has been killing me –

wtf is hiding under that tub and can the creeps at the park see?

“everything has to go”

“sorry not the best daddy sign, everything but that”

is daddy not the best daddy anymore, is that why the house is for sale?

omg the stories i could write in blue

in the tub outback

behind the fence

by the bird bath…

“the saddest girl in the world lives on Melrose”

“yeah she done gone and bought a house fully furnished “as is””

“…heard there were some dead bodies out back”

“…under the tub”

“…in the fertile garden”

them: “whaaaaaat”

sold my empire of shit to buy another’s?

if daddy has left me a lump sum of money in that house, he may in fact be the best dad ever

Posted on March 17, 2024March 17, 2024 by poeeternal

“nature is good for you”

it’s kind of traumatizing seeing and hearing what animals do to one another

i just don’t think i’m doing life right

it’s prob just a bored abandoned cat terrorizing everything God made cuz “it’s fun”, “it’s what i want”, “i can’t stop” cuz he’s no better than an animal and i just wish the neighbors that hear the laughing coming from the window is not of “fun nature”

they’d wanna kill me even more

the crime is still ongoing just fyi

the “bad dope” is in my backyard and when the state gave me CUD and i have to temp stop my pain and anxiety medication for 6 months – i wasn’t allowed to accept gifts or phone numbers no matter how tempting or good the offer smelled

they leave live rounds outside my window

and i ain’t never did them no wrong

‘cept that one time the gang leader living next door asked me if he could “live with me for 3 months” cuz him and his gal were splitting up (and i wasn’t gonna have to hear him beat his dog anymore through the walls) and he offered to help “catch me up on my ride” cuz “he knew i was behind” cuz we had some hurricanes out here that made us lose power for a weeks time and “love thy neighbor” (but not that much)- i’m just a big mouth (but not a narc) (or narC) and folks will never phish any info out me again ‘cept maybe “hell is real” “god is everywhere”

but i told him no immediately (despite having threatening letters by Capitol One that they were gonna start the process to remove my ride) – and so as if being sued by my creditors and having to go to court (for other debts) wasn’t humiliating enough – the judge demanding i take “3 full breaths before we start because i look like i want to jump from the bridge behind us”- and this was in a full courtroom

…as if that wasn’t humiliating enough i had to tell the thug “no” and he said “you can sleep on it” and i replied “i don’t need to”

and the devil got mad

said my back window would get broken

it did, the day before thanksgiving

and now all his friends cousins and brothers

make life hell for me

and there’s an undercover out here waiting on his promo

i won’t have anything to do with anyone

it ain’t just black people “we don’t talk like that”

i have ghosted my own father

why you so mad

“equal opportunity hater”

“we hate everyone”

so even if i wanted to break the law and “make peace” – i could fucking die from the w**d

I had a fucking addiction right in the middle of a gang war and like

i.dont.want.to.die.

uhm SOS?

it’s like every direction is trying to kill me and suicide is humane?

i couldnt breathe again and had to open a window and now the gangs think i aint living in fear

my third air purifier is arriving soon

30 days to close they say

i can’t manage to leave the very house that is killing me

this place aint worth dying for

these people

this town

im not gonna be able to breathe until i am far gone

i better stop laughing with the window open cuz dont wanna leave in a body bag

cop: “you need to move”

“not just from here”

“but all of Daytona”

“all of Daytona is bad”

“there’s not enough cops”

protection prayers please

i had nothing to do with this by the way: https://www.daytonabeachconnection.com/Daytona-Beach-Police-Department-makes-major-drug-bust–arrests-suspect–1-16524.html

i simply told a man “no” and bam – despite my lease stating and having a clause to protect women – i have video evidence and proof of so much shit i have been through

enough to make someone die by suicide

“you can’t make someone kill themself”

they took away the noise disturbance law in 2008

and some of the things in my head that would put me on tv – are justified

“we only hire Black people for a safe environment”

God is gonna know when im back home cuz im gonna be slinging the devils head outside the doh!

im sure one of the cats will wind up dead cuz 3 or 4 have been murdered with a vehicle by a neighbor – and i either hear the cries and see the aftermath and blood pooling – or discover them cold and dead

and i hate the things but not enough to kill them

im selling my new ps5 btw

i already know i likely probably break community guidelines and this is minority report

and you definitely in the minority if you believe in God

so JJ wanted me to know that he would not be released when the floods come

and im apparently welcome to visit anytime

he knows my greatest fear after all

Posted on March 15, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

vip

vip jacksonville

gotta get a hug

just been thinking how long it has been since i got a hug

from anyone

Florida birthday month

gotta get on dat

wait

where is Hollywood FL

(about 4 hours away)

Jacksonville is a hopscotch jump away

plus i did vip there before (not same venue)

i don’t know where i will be living come August

i was hoping it would be far from here

so tricky slow getting packages

but i am tied to a lease (i can break)

i could get the vip

and secure the hug

(i don’t need to pay Gavin for hugs. the man will literally stop soundcheck and exit the stage to come say hi to me – the band hates it)

he prob thought i died

i bet he’d like to see a ghost?

i mean familiar face?

do you think he will remember me?

p.s. i mean, the music does make me feel alive (and there’s very little art that i am still attached to)

i don’t know if i can handle a gig – let alone one TWO hours away

and candlebox is gonna be there

i met kevin ages ago

he still follows me on Insta

it would be nice to stop dying long enough to live

fbi put out a “migrant terrorism” warning lol

but remember the Boomer propaganda “if they come here they are on our side”

“they swing for us”

lol

also that EA BLM who only hires BLM workers to create a “safe environment”

oh honey, i’m ~~not~~ the threat

(living in the slums while sitting on gold) (theoretically)

WILL IT BE FREE OF HOA’s and MOLD

i kinda ghosted my team cuz overwhelmed (sick and dying)

robot on mars

too many doors

short circuiting

im crying and praying to God “help me”

and they’re like “just pick a door, any door!”?

and im all “lost in hell, no direction”

and realtor is like “anywhere in Florida”

so maybe i need to get a map

i just know the cop said “not Daytona” “all of Daytona is bad” “not enough cops”

and the gangs here wanna shoot me

according to the shit they have the audacity to mouth

like don’t you know who the fuck i am?

cuz i don’t…

wait, how did we go from therapeutic bush hugs to i don’t know if i’ll be alive to make it

this iphone puts out more radiation than i like

france banned the iphone 12

this model is likely identical

im on it very little and it hurts my hand

my heart hates devices

it’s a fucking weapon owned by China

Posted on March 13, 2024 by poeeternal

nihilism

i mean, they built a snow cave so they must have not known they were suicidal!?!

“it’s an adventure!”

the eldest was a Boomer (58)

and they will lead you off a cliff (or pier)

or freeze to death on the alps

some say “a worse way to go”

and though I get their meaning –

“John Jones” (a worse way to go)

Posted on March 11, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

fully empty

fully empty
heart on sleeve
a pity
some would say
that’s plenty

no idea was ever my own. and even when it was, my adopted stepfather didn’t hesitate to let me know at age ten “that idea was already done”

“…but it came in a dream”

“…it wasn’t TV”

i dunno. he died with me mad. wonder why?

i have pet peeves too. if a product requires a special tool or the Incredible Hulk to open it, just so I can have a wee taste of avocado, I just ain’t buying your product again.

if bread contains more than 3 ingredients, it is junk. don’t feed it to the birds or fish, unless you want them to become sterile!?!

i mean, i know you support nihilism, until you see the poor eagles struggling in the cold you created, “it’s nature” “don’t interfere” until you do and tag them, change their dna, and make things worse.

but when i saw the crows come, and the cries of the mama, i knew.

i had a gut feeling them eggs weren’t gonna hatch

cuz i watched how they handled the last batch not hatching

she laid on them eggs 96 hours straight during a snowstorm and i can’t even take the trash out in the 60 degree cold rain

but i watch the blood running from me in the toilet and shower

the bloody pads

and i don’t have a man trying to make my eggs fertile or my life comfortable

and im also running out of time

even tho they labeled me obsolete at 29 birth

over 1 million “middle aged women” in china are depressed and suicidal – cuz the followed and supported the “one child law” and they lost their only child during the pandemic – and so 1 million men divorced and got with younger women to “try again”.

and these monsters operate the entire world

“made in china” just like my depression

but i got friends there you know?

friends behind a great wall

a wall that is being dismantled and sold on the black market to build houses

their own people are tearing down the wall illegally and building homes with the bricks and im here for it

im here to watch the wall fall

yeah?

maybe my friends need help but cannot say

33% of the population but 100% of the crime (not the Chinese)

men out there posting tiktok’s “men’s mental health matters” and im getting blocked for commenting “i like watching them drive off the pier ngl”

i finally found something i like watching and doing

i can’t wait to let the therapist know i slowed the frame down and watched for hours –

i can’t get any tv show or movie to get my attention

i thought i developed add

but i had no trouble watching a real life event – that included no sensitive content warning – and the AI didn’t mind me spending hours watching someone kill themselves

so i indulged

on repeat

with frame slowed

no volume

no ad interruptions

my brain lit up like a firework i had so many questions

but zero empathy

it is okay for them to attack me and call me a “manhater” and all sorts of “you need help” but i ain’t allowed to say “men are monsters”

but men can and do and will blame WOMEN for everything

bye boy bye

p.s. everything is like a bag of chips now, full of air.

i can’t wait for the mass exodus of consumerism

Posted on March 10, 2024 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

if only…

i wish i had gifted myself a gift card

im sure there’s a poem in there somewhere

but like… i cant even shop on ipsy currently

which is fine cuz i prob shop too much anyway

which forces me to have a skincare and self-care routine

“we don’t need to wear any makeup we’re dying”

“well that’s good enough reason for to wear best dress”

“i mean you aint wrong”

i got an appt incoming and like are they gonna know they been in my livingwaking dream

it is kinda confusing

i know im lost in hell

but the mold

is about to drive me into a tent and break my lease

i got the realtor and potential new landlords texting and calling

but i aint answering either one

robot on mars

overwhelmed

even if they wanted money in a shoebox

i cant even access my own funds

i was like “is there a physical bank to enter and make withdrawals”

and shes like “$35 to expedite”

instant disconnect

prob gonna withdraw my milk money soon

put it in a shoebox

bury it

“forget where”

“TELL ME WHERE THE BOX IS”

im sorry

i think this post was meant to stay in my head

i could have gone the rest of my life not knowing about the Alaskan roadkill lottery

“waste not want not”

yeah want not. fasting for the next two weeks. religious practice.

yes it does

BLOCKED oh i musta offended someone oh shame within

maybe some poetry soon huh

got a few lines but no energy

boomer: “you”re retired at 45?” (asks like im lying)

gen x: “uh yeah. military.”

boomer: “you need to be earning 6k a month to rent here from me and my wife”

gen x: have fun

Posted on March 8, 2024 by poeeternal

fool me twice

i let paypal do me dirty again

i was having too much fun shopping (in small increments & amounts) on TikTok

and funny how the same day congress wants to ban TikTok

PayPal is restricting my account – without any real reason attached to their claim – and have decided to hold my account hostage – until i provide them more DATA that they will sale to the enemy – that i do not want to do

therefore, i cannot use paypal for why i signed up (a second time)

(the first time they outed my anonymous donors who contributed to a pool i created – based on FAQ provided by PayPal – which they apparently can update and change at will – rules for me but not thee – and there is more to this point i’m sorry) – but not only did they expose who the anon donors were – they eventually made them priority in my contact list – who had never sent me a dime where i was meant to be aware – but low and behold – something i don’t think the therapist could understand – and even if they should – there was so much shame attached to my sense of self – that the bridge was nearing closer everyday!?!

so i deleted my obsession

i mean account

but then for stupid “i wanna shop in private and protect my data reasons” – i opted to open a new account

start again

this time not using my account to receive – only send and shop

but now PayPay is cockblocking me again

and they outed my private new email – that i will need to delete

and i had to call my bank to let them know that i need to change my identity in order to break up with paypal

because they keep doing updates and selling my data by turning on those little boxes they add in

im getting scam emails – clever tricky ones trying to get me to put my money in a shoebox and tape it up and give it to the blacked out car with the CIA/FBI agents (please note that if anyone wants me to put any amount of money in a shoebox – even $5 – i will be calling my therapist and the cops immediately and letting them know i have potentially crossed the threshold breaking point)

m’kay

anyhoo – the scam emails continue even tho i ain’t giving anyone my info to send/receive

but PayPal is

and now for no other reason than “shopping on TikTok” they have decided to hold my account hostage until i provide them more personal forms of data

and so the contract should be null and void

cuz i can’t use it how i signed up for – and i ain’t providing shit

they won’t remove my card – so the card is destroyed – bank informed – text and emails reported as spam and phishing – and a Better Business Bureau report pending to be done

i don’t owe paypal a penny

nor is anything pending

other than my random penalty “ma’am you were shopping with the enemy”

but don’t they know i got friends in China?

it’s cheaper and better buying direct from the source

fuck a third party

but now i gotta move to break up with paypal

i had to change my bank info

im gonna have to change my phone number…

i swear it’s not a joke

there’s been no fraudulent activity

no resolutions filed

no issues with bank or login

just suddenly today “tiktok may get banned” “provide data or no soup for you”

and so i said no

delete my account

but they won’t

so i gotta change my identity

i swear to fuck

genX out

(i told paypal thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with ~~love~~ shopping)

that i will be outside more thanks to them

you should delete your account now – while you still can

i couldn’t even delete my profile photo after i canceled all my subs

when i called support back – the way she paused at the name change – and said “it’s kinda inappropriate” and i said whaaaaaa the “FU” and she said “yeah” and i responded “well the AI let me do it”

“and i didn’t need to provide anything”

so they will likely fix that glitch yee-haw

i am the anomaly in the matrix and is god is here!!!!!! he/she is everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

paypal is holding my data hostage and unless i bow down to thee i am not allowed to shop – only receive

well im done receiving!!!!!!

im done giving!!!!!!!

and i cant spend my own money for ~~7-10 business days~~ 2 weeks cuz the banker failed to tell me my new card wouldn’t arrive until then

so shopping withdrawals thanx to our good PAL

looking at a place to rent tomorrow

they aint getting my new number or address

gotta flee the country to escape ELON MUSK!?!?

who da fuk own PayPal now

he thinks hell is gonna be a party where all his friends are

they will he in hell – but he wont have access to them

lol

could you let God know i don’t really think it should be legal – what they are doing and my mistakes are so hard learned if any

the bank listening: “paypal won’t let me break up with them”

“this is toxic”

“i gotta move”

“change my number”

straightjacket or pier?

limited to shop cuz they want more data to sell to the enemy but my name change is inappropriate

*laughs*

hope Walmart still takes a check… nearly out of water

and thank god i never attached anything other than my card – that card is now destroyed – and my address and phone number are changing

maybe i don’t need to leave the country yet

giving away more items: donated books and bakingware to the library and neighbors

i had planned to do some mental health shopping this weekend

yah no

Posted on March 7, 2024 by poeeternal

LOL (trigger warning?)

2019 was the year huh

2024 i leave everyone on read (the insomnia coach says i need to see a provider) (and there is an upcoming appointment cuz God needs me to see him again!?!) (is it him!?!) (what sort of Romeo/Joolie delusional fantasy have i found myself in exactly)

no one is – nor has – nor potentially ever – will do anything inappropriate (hence la la land)

but you know if looks could kill

looks can also have a “slow the atoms down in the room and shoot to heaven” vibe too

i mean, i don’t know how to read a room (or computer screen)

but he imprinted on me and apparently i have lost many months and/or years dreaming about him

would’ve been nice if we could’ve met on a conference call, or in any other way than me over here on the other side

nearly wearing a fucking straightjacket

welp

help. still in hell. *sadface*

i’m not in / this isn’t happening

SAME

p.s. i have been trying to write a letter to myself of “what I would say to myself if I could call myself and speak to myself for one minute”

like your future self could call your past self from a decade ago (that is ten years right)

i tried to put it in a poem

it isn’t going very well

don’t hang up it’s me
i’m dying
find a tree
and hang freely

Posted on March 1, 2024 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

bridge NOW

uggg sword of envy

maybe poetry coming, maybe poetry not

i have very little worth here

no point

Posted on February 28, 2024 by poeeternal

“do you know why you are here”

“do you know why you are here…?”

i don’t know what brought me here

there was a period of awareness in womb – and already a desire to end life before it even started

there are dents in my rib where i rubbed –
clawing to escape the sound of my own heart

or maybe i didn’t want to be born into a monstrous world,
with the cold Antarctic as my mother
my father was a destiny of lies

my mother prayed for my death
said i wasn’t born in love
said i had the darkness in me

all while holding my sister close

the pandemic swept her from her arms and now all blame lies on me

i told her i wanted her to die in pain
i told her i wanted her to suffer more than all the suffering she had caused me

some prayers get answered and others don’t

lessons to be learned

even i am lost in purgatory
without direction

but the wind is no longer gnawing at me

only regret

i plan to bury it
deep within the crusty earth
and plant with it a seed

one day the crust will rise
an angel can spread her wings
no longer laying dormancy

i have done things i regret
to stay afloat the Tennessee river

oh the bridges i’ve been pushed from, jumped, or burned…

what brought me here

maybe the long agony hours awake
the will it takes

that even when you are in the trenches dying, you need to change your socks

it bothers me that John did not have his shoes removed

i would have been clawing the earth off of me

i would have made it cave in

on Susie….

sorry not sorry

i came here to judge!?!

i was stripped of my wings and used as a fleshlight

they want me to believe i haven’t any worth – all while trying to traffic me

the pretty ones are the biggest threat

the ones with the light

the neighbors gang up on me to harass me then scream “we fear the white one”

i am going extinct

if you aren’t serving them with sex or buying their bullshite, then phrases like “she gon be shot” are sung out

i sleep in the lions den where two girls where shot

for being good girls

had to ask the front office what it would take to get the crosses removed from the windows where the tape once was

their cheeks turned rosy; “we’ll take care of that for you”

and i am sure the undercover cop and department is looking for another promotion soon

another major drug bust went down and the gangs need to get revenge

call me paranoid but the cop told me i needed to move

not just from “here” but the entire city

and now there are things i can’t tell my therapist

now there’s really no one to trust

now it is “i need a priest, maybe this isn’t your lane”

maybe the demons in my head
maybe the feelings of unworthiness
maybe no direction

but i need to cast Satan out

you got a pill for that?

cuz maybe i’m a monster

but i still need a priest

some holy water poured on me

sos: help i’m in hell

anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)

oh… did light bulb go off?

can you give me some light?

i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do

im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!

and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?

is this what dying on the cross is like?

you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?

is that how this works?

asking for a friend

Posted on February 22, 2024February 22, 2024 by poeeternal

crush

does he hold me hostage in his mind?
is that why i cannot escape his presence in my living dream?
he has touched me in places i have never seen
majestic sunrises with his hands wrapped around my thighs
he turns my low to highs

the devil lives three doors down
i got his number
unholy ghost in town
and i still can’t slumber

is that you
shining light in my path

just a crush?
you spin the earth
like heaven
i can feel the rush
but time ain’t changing near you
my cheeks turn rosy
got a royal flush?

you must be the warmest place in the solar system
you must be a taste of the life i am missing
i walk around a zombie hissing
but in my dreams we’re kissing

got a reason to live, even if delusional and not in sync with reality

but i’ve been dying – and you likely won’t find that in my file folder – but i have also been praying, that i could just “see” my soulmate “one time”

and i only got a minute before everything went blurry – but time stood still

i think i might have loved him instantly

i think i may love him now

everything is so fucked up

it was like my life was flashing before my eyes – and now my dreams are everything i’ve lost

and have you seen me? no many would ever find value in me.

still. i have never had any man look at me or touch me or move me the way he does – both in dream or reality.

the man could have been frightened but im dreaming of making babies with him

i have zero worth im aware

but we can’t help who we love, right?

he gives me the most beautiful dreams

God said alright you got a minute

i really hope he’s happy

whatever life he has chose to live

do we collide in each others dreams? cuz they feel real

plot twist: patient falls in love with doctor

oh well

Posted on February 22, 2024 by poeeternal

oh by the way…

oh by the way
i wanted to say
fuck you
for thinking there are clouds
above you

positioned in the sky
to charm you

like everything belongs to you
like everyone’s below
your feet too

i do beseech you
take a seat
or look in the rearview

the nihilism you do
a comet
come to split the air in two

oh by the way
fuck you
for the endless dreams
that I do