Because I love you

Like heaven was above you

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I couldn’t find any editor to combine 2 photos into 1, it’s all so complicated now

Couldn’t layer or change opacity

NOTHING

I once could create stuff but now everything is on boss mode and I got left behind

It’s like they sucked the joy out of everything

STOP GIVING THEM FEEDBACK

STOP GIVING THEM YOUR OPINION

Take a vow of silence and run

The neighbor keeps asking me what I am running from

I keep trying to explain

Not from but to

I don’t wanna be tied down to anything

I just wanna run with the clouds

Sit with the sun where I won’t burn

Eat food on my tongue

Take a safety course

Get good with my weapon

The Army didn’t train me on something this fucking tiny

Should’ve stuck with a 9mil and what I am certified in

Told myself to stop complaining take a fucking class get to the fucking range

I love that the slumlord is worried that I got a weapon

“Is she carrying”

LIKE WHAT IF I AM

MIND YER FUCKING BIZZ

Cuz Ain’t nothing in my house REGISTERED TO YOU

In fact, YOU AINT ALLOWED IN HERE NO MO

MEDICAL EMERGENCY

MOTHERFUCKING TRY ME

This is America bitch

I WAS TRAINED TO CARRY

BE FUCKING SCARED

I HAZ EMPOWERMENT

KEEP TELLING THEM LIES

My lease is up soon and only then can you have entry

MY PLACE

MY SPOT

NOT YOURS

I CARE NOT YOU FORGOT ABOUT A DEADLINE AND ARE GIVING US 24 HOUR DEMANDS OR YOU GONNA ENTER ANYWAY + FINE US

I FUCKING DARE YAH

Cause I just told my nurse today that if my doctor doesn’t get with the fucking program, I will get someone else because she works for me and I don’t work for her and it’s about what I need and not what she wants

PERIOD

I DON’T PLAY

I DON’T NEED AN ELECTRIC BILL THAT COSTS A MUCH AS A FAMILY OF 5

I may just get a tent and start camping

And God knows I gotta drop more supplies if Ima spend a year traveling and figuring out where I wanna exist

Cuz I built a bed you know

And a couch

Fool me fucking twice

Never getting in another lease again

I mean, have you seen all the ridiculous add-on fees They’re adding just so they can bring you a fucking air filter? how about you Try cleaning the HVAC system for fucking change

Call the black mold mildew one more time

Say motherfucker ONE MORE TIMEEE

Cause I asked you on more than one equation was there any mold in this fucking apartment and you straight up said no and there’s mold all over this motherfucking place and I know it directly impacted my dogs mental health whom I just had to lay to rest, you better watch your fucking tongue the rest of the time I’m here and leave me the fuck alone.

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A drowning man will drown another, but sometimes they’ll shoot you in the fucking back. That CEO never saw it coming. And the words on the bullet, poetic.

Checkmate Luigi.

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And I carry cuz A. I’m cute and dudes follow me to my car or while I am walking and B. I am a Soldier

It’s also my right as an American citizen and I highly recommend you utilize all your rights too – unless of course you fucked up and do not have the right to carry

I would say stock up

My bag is heavy

Prob as heavy as me

The Army made me ruck carrying double my weight

It’s no wonder my back fucking hurts and I need to take breaks from time to time

Or I need you to pick up my shit cause it’s so fucking heavy but as long as you toss it on my back, I got it

Well the core of my heart lost a lot of strength to be able to do stuff like that which is why I’ve been doing core training.

My lease is up soon and I gotta let a lot of my stuff go because I don’t want to stay in Florida, but I did go look at a few places around here and I had a lot of anxiety during it and that’s my body’s way of saying we are fucking done with Florida

And the mountains are calling me home

I’ve never lived up north but I might spend some time in Montana. I might spend some time in Colorado maybe Utah I don’t fucking know where I’m going. I literally have no idea what is next. This is the first time in my life I have ever been 100% solo on my own I have a gun Legally OK so when I say I’m alone, I’m still protected. Thank you. (Gotta remind the monsters I sleep with one eye on my trigger thank you very much)

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I’m finding a sense of calm but that does not mean Millers wave is not incoming

Cuz the gravity is extreme

The loss

And I literally held him until his last breath and went through a psychosis

The hospital sent me a card with his fur and nose and paw print

I don’t wanna talk about things right now

But soon, when time has passed

Maybe I’ll share the psychosis

The thing is, I felt so disconnected but everything I was experiencing was common

It was a common grief trauma response

I fell into a black hole

I could feel time slow

Gravity was so heavy

Things were so dark

And now there are moments of clarity but I have two separation sequences I need to prepare for

The first is escaping the bottom of the singularity

The bottom of the hole

And then there’s the event horizon

I gotta be like a goat at the bottom

But the event i am circling

They require different methods to escape

And I know I’m losing weight, but the Bible says to fast for two weeks and that’s one way to starve the cancer

Unfortunately, I was invited to the Parishioner welcome dinner, and then I RSVP’d, and now my clothes are all dirty, I’m on my period, my dog is dead, I’m barely eating, my energy is low, I’m gonna be homeless soon, I’m lost in purgatory, and I was hurting too bad to go to Sunday church, despite having gone two weeks in a row, and now I missed my streak and the dinner is WED and my anxiety is full

I’m wearing a sleep patch and a thc patch cuz i ain’t getting any

It’s the worst timing having to meet somebody on my period especially when the first 48 hours are my roughest and I’m still in my roughest part of my period so come Wednesday it’ll be oh I’m feeling better but I only got the dishes done today and there’s no clean clothes Because my dog died and I’m behind on everything 

I got a doctor appointment with my doctor tomorrow the one that the VA are trying to take from me and I don’t even wanna see the fucking VA anymore and I’m getting ready to write President Trump and letting him know of the atrocities that are going on and how the VA are making it extremely difficult For me to have the treatment that I need

THUS THE VA CAN GET IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA

I’m sick of being assigned a female doctor anyway

And yes, there are plenty more things I can fucking complain about

But I don’t wanna hear any bullshit about me sending an SOS to the current admin when the VA are actively killing me and my comrades mkay

Stay in yer own lane

If you wanna get out and protest, I ain’t stopping you

I didn’t vote for this

I DIDN’T ASK TO BORN

AND I’M NOT READY TO DIE

EVEN THO THE NEIGHBOR ASKED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO MARRY HIM

GREAT CONGRATS

Glad I was able to show you you already had what you needed

But I ain’t jumping off a bridge yet

And somewhere inside me, I think you love me and want to see me win?

Or were you planning to shoot me through the door when I dropped candy off at your door?

*laughs*

Gotta stand yer ground in Florida

(Were you cocking the gun or unlocking/locking the door)

I’m not celebrating Halloween anymore and I’m getting rid of all my Halloween stuff

I might become a nun

But today I emailed a college about becoming a personal trainer

Dying but still got goals

I do feel less dead today tho for what it’s worth

I 1000% look dead due to my heavy flow and this would be a good time for a neighbor to bring me soup

But I only make enemies

It’s just what I do

Loyal but good at a blindside too

Dr. Peterson says sometimes you have to be a monster

And I’m taking lessons everywhere I can get them

I would like to share my goals, even though they say not to, but I would rather try to manifest them because I have been dying, but I would like to visit China in 3 to 5 years and go to the student center and earn my uniform for tai chi

So that is my short term goal

My long term goal is to be cancer free but it feels unrealistic cuz most people only get about that much time and i’m about there with this illness that stole my life

It has a name, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you *joking*

I keep you on your toes

I’m so sick of the thought police because I shouldn’t fear everything I say

I literally write as a form of escape

”I was here and now I’m not”

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