Posted on by poeeternal

Unrequited Love on Tuners

I dropped a thread on Tuners Radio under my pen PoeEternal about unrequited love + a short original poetry reading on Tuners, have a listen now (free app to listen and use): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL

So I’ve committed to using Tuners more, as I said before recently in a blog post. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a great app to use, and you don’t even have to download anything to listen/tune in. 👍

*UPDATE* Jena Malone left a beautiful reply today, she is a queen (I’m certain you’ve seen her in a movie even if you’re not aware you saw her in a movie).

I currently have this running in my Insta story cuz it’s hella cool but you can listen free on Tuners 🙂 https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
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One Thing Is Certain

I am changing, but can others see?
When looking at other pictures, that cannot be me
Spent a lifetime trying to figure out who I was and now I am free
Free from all the locks and chains where I never had a key
And while there is still sorrow, I am an open sea
I am drowning on my back but I am floating carelessly

Underneath, the pull of the current
A shark is circling with massive courage
And dark is the sky and my eyes keep burning
And long are the lessons we never are learning
Life will drown you if death is a burden
But I will fall down loving him, one thing is certain…

© Delia Ross. 2019

My last breath I will love you…

Posted on by poeeternal · 9 Comments

Doll

I won’t say anything at all
Cuz when I do I seem to fall
But you were there to watch me crawl
You were there to see me bawl

You, you wind me up like a doll
You pull the string and then I’m off
And then you act so appalled
As if it’s never your fault

You, you got me crawling up the wall
For what I did, I don’t recall
You like to see how I stall
My tears your favorite decal

© Delia Ross. 2019

Saddest girl in the world (self-portrait)
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Trixter

He offered me the sky, said it would be no problem to buy, if I wanted it
He flashed diamonds in my eye, that should easily satisfy, said I have credit
Replace that hardened cry, with a fresh necktie, I’ve got the perfect fit
I looked the devil in the eye, I said you trixter of a guy, as the blood left my wrist

© Delia Ross. 2019

Suicide awareness everyday. I’m on the guestlist to see Peter Hook in Atlanta this month, I’ve waited all year for this. My only REGRET in life would be not hearing this live. Why is this related? Well, the lead singer/songwriter of a band I dig died by suicide, Ian Curtis. When that happened, Joy Division became New Order and NO is a favorite band. Hooky was the co-founder of both bands. I dance alot to New Order. ALOT.

Ian Curtis – suicide
Mina Tepes – suicide
Kurt Cobain – suicide
Judas Iscariot – suicide
Etika – suicide
Robin Williams – suicide
Archias of Cyprus – suicide
Hunter S Thompson – suicide
Diaeus – suicide
Sylvia Plath – suicide
Cleopatra – suicide
Alexander McQueen – suicide
Marilyn Monroe – suicide
Chris Cornell – suicide
Ernest Hemingway – suicide
Michael Hutchence – suicide

Me with the leader of the goth revolution, Peter Hook, last year in Orlando, I was on the guestlist. Don’t know if I’ll get to meet him this time, but I can’t wait to hear the songs, some of my favorite will be played this time, and Hooky is my favorite bass player! This was taken on a crappy cellphone after hours of dancing/sweating, care nots! It’s actually a fun story, I didn’t realize it was actually Hooky smoking inside the building under the “no smoking” sign, when I asked to come down to that particular area and he invited me down that way three times. I dropped my purse in the middle of the backstage hall when I realized it was Hooky and followed him out the door leaving my purse and pass on the floor! About 10 minutes later the manager of the venue brought it to me as I was still outside shook from having just met Hooky. I was like OMFG THANK YOU cuz I was mingling with the rest of the band and talking to others so it still wasn’t on my mind that my purse was in the middle of the hall backstage floor. Gig life. The entire story is longer. 😂
I was guestlisted for Peter Hook & The Light, Orlando, Florida 2018
My favorite place to be, front row of a favorite band (Peter Hook, New Order / Joy Division 2018, crappy cellphone photo by me)

Posted on by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Dead Anyway

Do I ever make you feel good?
Do you focus on the bad, longer than you should?
If you trusted me, could I peek under your hood?
If you don’t love me, do you ever think you could?

Every cloud passing by another prayer
In your thoughts, I wonder, am I there?
Is there ever a moment, where you care?
Of all the ones you’ve loved, how did I compare?

Slipping down now is the rain
Coming down to greet me another pain
Unfamiliar, surrounding terrain
And here I linger, here I dwell, here I remain

Life is just full of decay
I slowly watch love fade to grey
And if I die well I was dead anyway
If I die, that’s just the price we pay

© Delia Ross. 2019

Halloween has passed and still themes of death, oh goodie, I’m still me. Survivor of spells and curses, adding that to my portfolio. Let’s compare resumes. The new modern age of dick comparing. My debt is bigger than yours. Oops, I meant dick, I mean house. Wait, what the fuck are we talking about again? Dick, yes, need. CHOCOLATE, I NEED CHOCOLATE (shut up hormones) ((my ovaries are literally in a knife fight right now, I would apologize but my cycles follow the Moon))

This tho, yasssss HORNY CREEP yeps, not gonna apologize about that either. My drive ain’t hurting nobody. IS YOURS?

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Perfect Form

If I were a moon, he’d be an asteroid
If I were open space, he would be the void
If truth were a promise, he would be the lie
If beginnings had beginnings, he would be goodbye

If I were an ocean, he’d be the shark
If reasons had meaning, he’d tear it apart
If weather were gentle, he’d be the eye of a storm
If cold were a shoulder, his would have perfect form

© Delia Ross. 2019

Inspired by something I heard in John Wick 2… had to revisit the entire chapters after watching 3. Neo warming up for The Matrix 4. John Wick 3 is by far the best of the chapters, it just slayed. Martial arts makes me kinda sloppy wet (or maybe that’s just Keanu Reeves, KIDDING chill sheesh) 🙃🙃🙃😛

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Wrath

“I do terribly bad things”, she said with a saddened sorrow
“Spontaneous combustion”, Lu replied
She was gazing in her mirror, Lu was just behind
Leaning on her shoulder, like he was her beau

He goes places with her no other will go
He knows too many things he shouldn’t know
A mask to Lu is an open window
The thicker they get, the more that you owe

“My tongue is full of sin” she said
As she took a blade, her eyes were blood red
The cold steel on her neck, her gaze still ahead
With careful, quick precision, Lu swiped the blade from her hand, he was never much of a figurehead

“Terribly bad things”, as she crashed to the floor
A creature of the underworld, and she could take no more
Too many souls abandoned, what is she fighting for
If only love could be her savior

“Hey kid, they only fear your purity because they sin,
They act tough where their skin is thin,
They create chaos in an endless cycle they spin,
They search for winnings, where the devil will always win”

With a hand that swung with the thunder of Thor
With a face of refusal and ready for war
With her hand on the trigger and ready to score
Standing an inch from the devil she let out a roar

© Delia Ross. 2019

Do you ever feel like the devil is on your shoulder? That was sort of the goal for the bathroom mirror scene. Now’s he’s been all through the house. Time to see a priest, deep, dark thoughts abide. Maybe an exorcist too. Definitely could use spiritual cleansing from a psychic.

Posted on by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Stones of Regret

Underneath the stones of regret peace is found
Though the tether is outstretched it is still bound
The weather grew punishing and so too his frown
But my love for him keeps circling around

And I try my hardest to stand
But this depression keeps showing its ugly hand
And I’m trying to fly but in his heart I just crash-land
And it breaks my heart I did it again

So with my broken will I isolate the curse
But without him I am ever growing worse
And if I could I would put time in reverse
Love would be the only tether we would traverse

I pushed away the only thing that ever mattered
And when he left my soul completely shattered
And now there’s nothing, not even a word
And his silence is the loudest sound I have ever heard

© Delia Ross. 2019

I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry.

Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Lists

Depression worry not
Just divide your time into slots
Write a list of don’ts
Match it with the won’ts
Give the list a plot
Tie it in a knot
Care not where I rot
Then again on second thought
Gotta find that perfect spot
And then maybe it’s worth a shot
I’m a zombie: life and death is a constant postpone
It takes all of my energy just to sit here and moan

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oh my fucking gawdddddd, how many times have you heard, “just make a list” when you are depressed? I’m going to make a list alright and shove it up their fucking ass. I can’t even make a list on how to die. My will is not up to date. I can’t even fucking decide on a way. Or a place. And then, the dog… BUT I digress, somehow, if I just start making lists on things to be done (with dying number one) then my life would be in order, and if I just let God in I wouldn’t be depressed either, so says society. But if I tell my doctors that I want to fucking kill myself, they’ll take everything from me and lock me up in a fucking rubber room. Barbaric are the practices for treating depression. So, since no one can get it fucking right, y’all get to sit back and judge me from behind your screens, and some of you will even poke and prod me and then when I bite you call me crazy and you disappear. And since society has a hard time understanding that being depressed is not the same as being fucking crazy, the death toll continues to rise and I’m trying my hardest to jump on that fucking bandwagon. But, I’m too lazy too sick to even write a list of things to get done. And I don’t think I really want to die, I just want a friend cuz isolation is cold and dark and it’s kinda scary in here and fuck you for not forgiving me for biting you when you caused me to bite in the first place. Shame on you.

  • Get house in order
  • Godparents for pets?
  • Update will
  • Say goodbyes
  • Write letters
  • Pick outfit
  • Method of dying?
  • Location?
  • Famous last words
Posted on by poeeternal

The Day I End

There she is, it is death on the horizon
And follow my sorrows she will
Until the day I end

There it goes, all the light from the Sun
I was looking for love where none of it was real
I was looking for hope in any direction I could ascend

There it flows, my hope is on the run
And bring with it a fear that covers with chill
While the devil whispers softly “suicide is your friend”

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

A Visit From Lu Part 3

Read: A Visit From Lu Part 1

Read: A Visit From Lu Part 2

A Visit From Lu Part 3

Lu entered my door bringing despair
He had it gift wrapped for extra flair
He covered it in agony to make it look rare
He had a look of concern but I know he didn’t care

So there we were both grinning –
Like in a game of chess but the devil’s always winning
The only hand I play is a joker never sinning
The only life I live is the one I’m never living

As Lu drew nearer he sat upon my table
Like an uninvited guest who should leave but isn’t able
And I am starting to feel very unstable
But my doubt only makes Lu more grateful (and we sat there through April)

Now the window shows that it is winter
And the fear is growing in my center
And all this doubt makes my tongue bitter
The devil got under me without lifting a finger

It’s like if I move a piece I’ll open Pandora’s box
And you know the devil can crawl just watch how he talks
And you know the devil can dance just watch how he walks
And you know the devil is purgatory just watch all the clocks

I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
Whatever move, Lu will condone
He is a step ahead, anytime I’m wrong
How do you knock a devil off of a throne

To be continued!?!

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oh my goodness, 3 was a challenge! Notice how the devil seems to be moving his way throughout my house/life in this series? The underlining theme in chapter 3 is depression (purgatory). As well as, how we need to be careful about the choices we make in life. I didn’t set out for it to be this way, it’s just how the story developed. I hope you likey (the 5th stanza is my favorite)! 😊

Read: A Visit From Lu Part 4

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Necklace

It was like into a black hole my life was ejected
If pain had been running for presidency, it would have been elected
Now when I’m on my knee the pain feels more infected
Now when I think of you my heart feels more congested
Will you ever tell me why my heart was not accepted?
Will you take all my love and put it in a necklace?

© Delia Ross. 2019

“Where do I put the love?”

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Caught Between the Devil

Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
Caught between dilemma and what you mean to me
Caught between a wrong and caught without my sight
Caught me with my mind when it wasn’t screwed on tight

Caught between the truth and having privacy
But none of these reasons grant you the right to see
Caught between an answer and caught beneath the light
Caught between the bygones and a hand that seems to bite

Caught between an angel and where a devil blew his horn
Caught between the towers falling in an endless mourn
Caught between a moral and caught between a fight
Caught between the will to not end my life tonight

© Delia Ross. 2019

I don’t know if I did that Devil phrase any justice but then I completely changed the rhyme scheme in the end but also many of the end words and then I couldn’t decide on whether to keep going or not… because feelings. And I know I could have carried on the rhyme scheme in the end but, rebel…

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Loss For Words

Take my hand, replace the pen with blade
Remove the smile and put on the ache
Close my eyes and pull down the shade
Memories are better when they fade

Take the ink and spread it on my pain
Ensure the tears are gone without a trace
Organize regrets and hide their face
Erase the love that’s written on the page

Say amends but never say goodbye
The space so far he’d never hear me cry
If I could take his pain you know I’d try
And if he ever wrote I would reply

© Delia Ross. 2019

having feels

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Tower of Sorrow

I am stranded in a tower of sorrow and I think I might need saving –

from the curse of a broken heart –
and how he left me alone in the dark –
but even worse drove a metaphorical spear into my side –
ensuring that my spirit died –
ensuring heaven was denied

Put a moat around my tears and get this blackness out of here

I am at the tower of sadness
Every hour in this madness

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Hunter

Hunting for a future
Hunting for a life
Hunting for a meaning
To not end it tonight

Hunting for a mirror
That doesn’t reflect strife
Searching for an answer
When the question’s never right

Searching for the devil
Under the pale moonlight
Searching for forever
In the middle of a fight

Searching for the handle
Of the blade that’s in my back
Searching for the color
When all I see is black

Searching in my heart
For the love it always lacks
Searching for some shelter
From the endless reign of attacks

Searching for my enemy
In every hand I hold
Searching for some peace
In a land it isn’t sold

Searching for some warmth
In a heart forever cold
Searching for the treasure
But never finding gold

Searching for the best
By bringing out the worst
Searching for the bubbles
To come along and burst

Hunting near the tower
Where she brings out your thirst
Searching in the pages
Of how to stop her curse

Searching in a shadow
Where a truth was still a first
Searching any bottle
Or any woman who can nurse

Searching for the cure
But nothing ever works
Kissing many frogs
But only finding jerks

Searching for an exit
Where it doesn’t ever hurt
Searching for the day
You put in more effort

Searching and hunting
But only gathering dirt
He’s an ocean on an island
And time is the desert

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oh my goodness, kinda long, I hope it wasn’t too boring. I’m sorry my intelligence is that of a child and I can’t lure you in with exotic words and fancy punctuation. I know I’m not enough, I never have been voluptuous in any area. *sigh

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Polaroid

I want everybody to be you and when they’re not I’m destroyed
And that leaves me wondering what kind of blockage you’ve deployed
Because life is at a stop when it is life that I avoid
For every memory stored you are a mental polaroid

I don’t want this and I don’t want that
If it’s not you it’s not allowed to pass
This toll booth is closed, you must find another path
If the thought isn’t of you, I’m going to squash it flat

Now my heart is closed and nothings getting through
And all these other feelings have no revenue
Now my doctor claims skies aren’t the only thing that’s blue
Yet none of these pills kill my desires of you

© Delia Ross. 2019


OH MY EFFING GAWD right, so, Alexander Ebert is reading an entire book on the awesome app he created called Tuners (it’s kind of like Instagram or Facebook without the video or photos and is radio format for open communications about anything). I drop a wee bit of rhyme there, I’m shy. People freestyle. It’s awesome and FREE. Alex is about as unplugged as they come, he’s a genius and my muse. 🙂 He’s teaching me how to be human. Anyhoo, this book he’s reading called “The Untethered Soul” is teaching me some stuffs. Pretty amazing I enjoy still learning. So chapter 6 got me heated and I left some commentary on Tuners about it. But I also woke up and freestyle dropped this poem *giggles* cuz as of yesterday I was ready to pack it in and quit. Writing all together. And living too I think. Whatev. I’m emo. Sue me. Wouldn’t be the first time. “The grass was greener, the light was brighter, the taste was sweeter, with friends surrounding, the nights of wonder, forever and ever…” (and bonus points if you know that song). Oh, the poem is about that dude I like clearly (not Alex, duh). But how many of us do that; cling to something? A memory, a moment whether it is good or bad? And that actually prevents us from living in the now. Living in the now, allows life to flow and happen naturally. But when we cling to the past, or to a thought, we are blocking the energy of essentially everything else around us. And this is true so often, for so much. So to really appreciate life, we must strive to be in the now. ✌

Note to self: STOP CLINGING

P.S. I’ll update later with some links to Tuners.

P.S.S. And so the lesson is, stop clinging, live in the now, leave your heart open, allow energy to flow. And we decide this ourselves every moment of our lives. It’s up to you to live free. (Meditation helps to clean out negative energies, I use rock and stone).

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

Devils Sea

Voice is gone
Voice is gone

Sail has stalled
Voice has gone

Moon was wrong
Nights are long

He never called
No sight at dawn

Her heart is bald
He’ll just discard

Voice is gone
Nights are long

No him at dawn
He’ll never call

He’ll never call
Voice has gone

“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea”

If only I could be everything you need

© Delia Ross. 2019

Oceans of sadness
The end is all inside us
I made it through the night… again.

“Caught Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” is a common phrase amongst sailors referring to a dilemma of sorts but lots of artists have covered it. It’s one of those things I wish I had written and I tossed it in after this was written so I can’t say that it inspired it. It just fit in. And thus I can share cuz you may not have heard of it. It wasn’t a prompt but maybe for you it will be. Now see, maybe I’m not so worthless after all…

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Nightlight

I keep a little nightlight turned on inside me called hope
I allow it to guide me when the dark is too blinding
When my knees are turned in and I am unable to cope
When moments are bleak and I require unwinding

It seems these days are darker than most
You say you understand but you don’t
You say you could help but you won’t
And Depression Isle is my favorite coast

Stability, what a fucking current you are
Ability, like a wave, I might get far
Tranquility, is a rather distant star
Humility, is as visible as a scar

You can find a trail of mistakes behind my depression
And their opinions of me you’ll find are open sessions
And the life I am living they’ll act like they can question
And it’s nearly impossible to form any real kind of connections

So I keep a little light turned on in me called hope
And on days of decline I grip it like rope
And it seems every hour I am on a slope
And it’s hard to believe I am alone on this globe

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Feathers

Cold, dark orbits
Just a passenger to his need
Closed windows but still the wind is furious
And racing around every corner you bleed

Sealed off any exits
Like black tar and sticky
Removed any altering
Whores we are worshipping
Coffins as an offering
Death is evermore

Started as something, ended as something else
Destroy the bond, empty the shelf
You took it all, there’s nothing left

Wrong delusion
Precious lunatic
You found my fault line
Every fucking time

And from my pieces
You built a ship
Tested my innocence
Got another taste of it
And delicious is every bit
And I stretch out my finger
As you take another lick
Yummy are the ashes
And broken auras

Lesser are my views
Hearts in a crucifixion
What can you do
Wings of frustration
A different sensation from abuse

Pull your back up friend
Here, I’ll give you a hand
Let’s go higher
I was godsend

Age of rejection
An angel weary and beaten
She collects her feathers
For a potion or a trophy

It doesn’t matter, I’m not well
Down here in hell
I’m saying sorry to the dead
While she collects feathers for her bed
The same bed he will tread

And I hate Earth
Or just my worth…

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Exiled

Take my fears to the lands where they cannot hide
Take the lies to the clouds where I say goodbye
Keep my hope buried deep in his mountainside
Hide my love in the deserts where I cannot confide

Watch my tears grow longer than the Nile
And deep does it go my denial
My doubt standing erectile
Got my shadow in exile

Down here in this maze of lows
The number 0 is what he chose
I swim his river of woes
Like it’s the only direction I’ll ever know

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Just a shoutout to my tribe

Hey guys (it’s Southern slang so it means all), I know I have been a bit anti-social, withdrawn, pissy, childish, and certainly many other adjectives, I am a bit transparent no doubt (and I have been dealing with a chemical imbalance known as depression) but I wanted to thank you for still coming to my blog even though I haven’t been going to yours as much lately. I swear I want to read your stuff and make it up to you, there are many things that I want to do that depression is keeping me from. It literally keeps me from life. Most of the time I go without television or playing video games or listening to music or playing my guitar or reading or any of the other pastimes that normally would bring me enjoyment. It’s full on isolation and anxiety. Thanks for not giving up on me (yet). I am still fighting the good fight. I sometimes leave bad crumbs. I’m sorries. Forgives me? xx

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Prozac

I told the doctor I don’t want to be issued Prozac
He guarantees, it’ll help the things, my future lack
I told the pharmacist, I had things I needed to get off my back
And with a smile, or a devil’s grin, I reached and took my sack

I told my friends, I’m sleeping well, though an insomniac
I tell them still, I’m up the hill, but I can’t relax
I take a knee, and pray to God, that was the climax
Both depression and anxiety yelling back at me to face the facts

© Delia Ross. 2019

Sidenote: I don’t really take Prozac but I could throw at you a slew of other prescriptions. Though I’m advocating for medical mary to be written for vets…because truthfully, it’s the ONE thing that works (and I feel less like ripping someone’s head off). If vets had access to medicinal mary, there’d be less suicides because big Pharma actually does make you more suicidal and so the propaganda and fear-mongering against that plant needs to stop *pops pill*

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Commute

Sitting on the corner of depression avenue
I’ll wave with a smile when you pass by me too
I’ve been here awhile so I’ve got the right attitude
You’d think by my grin I had the winning suit
But underneath the cards there’s a truth I will never refute
And every part of me needs repaired, even the soles of my boot
How quickly by you flee on a journey I would love to commute
But I’ve got a darkness troubling me and I feel it, deep down in my root
And so I isolate the need that you bring on this road where I pollute
But your words have me jumping out of a plane without a parachute
And if you were to measure the love it would be absolute

xxxxxxxxsquaredtimesinfinity

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Eyes Open

Taking the long journey alone
It was quite heavy lifting the stone
But alas it’s done and I’m on my own
And it’s so black, I have lost my home

Is this life or just a tomb
Is there no forgiveness for the things I do
Is there not a seat for me in this room
Is there any reason for the things I assume

Are my eyes open or are they closed
I thought I heard agreement so who opposed
Did the page turn or decompose
Why were the actual risk never disclosed

Is this pain based on reality
Why does it still hurt when I dream
Why do my eyes leak when I bleed
Why am I not anything they ever need

I know I’m not her and I never was
But if you’ll excuse me I need more gauze
It’s going to take a lot to cover the flaws
And every time I fall someone does applause

Every single hour I go through change
But when I turn around everything’s the same
I guess it’s not important to love the strange
And when it comes to me I don’t have a name

I still have love for him on the inside
I said I didn’t need him but I really lied
And there for a moment I felt alive
But it was just a trick of the night

Not even a demon could love this creature
My only goal was to make his life richer
But as it turns out I am just a creeper
And I’m not capable of giving him fever

Now I have this love and don’t know what to do
I thought I was a diamond or in his heart a jewel
I thought he was my knight, come to save me too
But when it comes to my life I had the wrong value

© Delia Ross. 2019

feeling too much
Posted on by poeeternal · 21 Comments

Depression On

I get so scared, I cut so deep
I tell myself that dying is the latest craze
Everyone has done it who’s already left this plain –
Dying is living’s final stage
And it doesn’t matter how you’re dressed, we all shit the same
And then I go a little deeper cuz this darkness is a maze
And I’m always hoping that it’ll help take away the pain
And so I drown another bottle because big pharma leads the way
And I slow down on the throttle because life is speeding away

But now another year has passed and I’m simply starting to rot
And the doctors write another prescription to try and manage the thought
And I can give another apology, but it’s still all my fault
And remorse it isn’t cheap, it seems they tripled the cost

Let me out, let me out, lemme out of this haze
Let me sleep, let me sleep, let me sleep, let me dream better days

Goodbye tomorrow, I will seek you in the future
And somewhere in that memory you will wonder why you didn’t mute her
And somewhere in that prison you’ll remember you are your own ruler
Dear future self, please start over
It only takes a step, I promise you’ll find closure

© Delia Ross. 2019

Here come the waves
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Clue

I’m on an island of a thousand tears
If you took a boat you could find me here
Silhouettes of you in the clouds appear
Echoes of your voice in the atmosphere
On my knees in prayer I gently kneel

I drift alone on this bank of silence
Every tear another wish for your guidance
Reflections in the waves I see your diamonds
Nothing fills my need more than your iris
Open up your eyes you’ll see your alliance

I know your past and still I love you
I can be your future should you want me to
I can be your now should you pursue
I can be that friend you never outgrew
I can be whatever you need if you haven’t got a clue

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal

Empty and Alone

I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone
I don’t have anything
I don’t have anyone

Etcetera, etc…

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Drowning

Do you know what it’s like to cut the cord on your dream?

Though it isn’t just a dream from sleep

But one from awakening

It is a lifeline to your fate

The weight of consequence
Feels like an ocean
As you’re sinking

There are moments you want to swim back up
Fleeting moments of reason
Caught in a net of fishing line

More struggle

No you have to sink deep
Feel the pressure in your chest
The anxiety, the agony, the sorrow

You want to take a deep breath
It would be your very last

Panic. Now regret. Doubt.

Peace will come again.

As soon as my pocket knife cuts this cord
And I race to ascend
The light my friend
A reasonable decision
Air in my lungs again
Pain lessening

You were dead weight.
An anchor in my soul.

I swim towards finality.

I’ve made it to the lighthouse.

You are a memory I drowned away.
And I nearly drowned with it.

You would have been the last thought on my mind.

As you were always on my mind.

Unrequited love.

A pain I hope to never know again.

As I crawl off the shores of a dream that died.

I am never looking back.

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Depression Avenue, Anxiety Lane

My brain says to go left
So my feet instead go right

My soul says to give it up
Yet my body puts up a fight

I’m so tired of feeling low
But my eyes stay in the light

Everybody thinks they know
But they haven’t got the sight

Round and round the Sun may go
But my days aren’t very bright

I have shelter from the cold
Yet my heart has frostbite

I am scared so I act bold
But I mostly feel uptight

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

I’m So Scared

I’m so scared for that little girl
Who grew up abused in a broken world
By men who only ever used

Who never taught her love
Or how to be well
No one will care
Unless to get rid of

That little girl now five foot six
It matters not if love exists
For it has never reached her lips
Love serves only as a crucifix

Oh how I cry for her!
To her family a stranger
To the world a number
To death an anchor

I cannot save her though I tried
I must now stop being her guide
For I only seem to make her cry
And make her pain multiply

Oh how I hold her tight!
And squeeze with all my might
Her eyes blind from sight
Her body coiled from fright

She is a desperate, fragile thing
The gentleness of a morning spring
A seed in the dark in need of blooming
She is the breath of an angel singing

Oh how I know her aches!
I know her dreams and her mistakes
I know where her branches break
I know the thunder her cries make

Tiny frail hands always with blessings
Teaching others love was always the lessons
Helping others was always the message
But now it’s time to end the sessions

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal

Illusion

Words needn’t be backed up with a promise to have meaning
Lying seems to be the direction everyone is leaning
Tongues twist and slither without feeling
Inserting poison which keeps us from dreaming
And as the blood boils our hearts stop beating
Hate simmers and spreads in a cycle of repeating
And from this dark spiral we keep feeding
Outnumbered, my feet and love start receding
Here comes another decade of me screaming
Hope faded with the dawn of needing
My love is the only love that can bring healing
My soul is weary and ready for eternal sleeping
I fight to stay alive God willing
I wish I could stop my love from ever leaking
These demons feast from me and leave me freezing
As I lay dying I start believing-
Love is just an illusion to keep me from leaving

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Fog

Here comes the dark
Creeping like a serpent
Like a thick, dark fog
It twists as a vine in my heart

She trades sex for love
He follows the current
Laps it like a dog
Ignoring my love above

She visits his dock
Sees behind the curtain
And I a slave or dove
Without a tongue to talk

Here, there, everywhere
She is lurking
Like a black smog
And I an angel without prayer

Eyes that burn with what it sees
Hands that never stop yearning
Tongues reciting the wrong epilogue
One soul left crying on her knees

© Delia Ross. 2019

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Crystal Ball

My eyes with such vision they are a crystal ball
Things that I see leave me clawing up the hall

Revelations so heavy I’m breaking down my wall
Time always settles me but every time I fall

Try to pick myself up but instead I will crawl
Another day is gone without a hello or a call

I’m beginning to think I’ll never hear from him at all
And I guess I’m not as important as I once had thought

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Death

I just sort of died.
Nothing more to be said.
No inspiration coming through.
No motivation going out.
Silence. Isolation. Despair.
Gasping for an inch of life.
A real connection.
Anything other than stars to make it better.
More than planets.
Give me wonder on Earth.
In man.
Make me believe I matter again.
Finding the best of the worst.
In any cup.
Empty. Depleted. Agony.
I don’t want T.V.
I don’t want sunshine.
I just want the one thing that I’ll never have.
Love.
Care.
Help.
Concern.
I exist as a slave to the system only.
One I fought and protected.
Some can’t handle the truth.
I keep discovering more.
Must retreat.
Must nurture the dark now.
Feast on it.
Feel things inside me die.
Like hope.
Dreams.
Reason.
More pain now.
To cover the broken spots.
More calluses forming.
More soul bleeding.
Leaking into nothingness.
Becoming one with it.
Acceptance.
I am nothing.
I am no more.
But something new dying.
Which results in me crying.
I don’t even try.
The warmth on my cheek is soothing.
Let it thaw you.
All things die.
Fertilizer for regrowth.
Play in the ashes.
Taste the salt.
Rub it on a wound.
More coming soon.
More death. More dying.
Starving.
For anything.
A touch.
Yes.
Importance.
Maybe.
Invisibility.
Reality.
I don’t want food.
I need a kiss.
A hug.
A worth.
I own the night.
This is my playground.
Lu offers refuge.
Massaging my despair.
Wanting to nest my soul.
Come on sweetheart.
I’ll pull out the red carpet.
Don’t worry about the blood.
It too will pass.
I’ll walk beside you in this land.
Would you like a hand?
Another bargain perhaps?
Apophis is coming.
One decade left.
What is it worth?
Everything hurts.
He’s right, again.
Cunning and always right.
A white hole now black.
More night.
Can’t see color in the dark.
One final place for my thoughts.
They congregate in my halls.
I want them to fuck off.
They will.
As they are killed.
I slaughter and murder them.
So I can’t feel.
I can see everything clearly now.
And that too hurts.
Make me blind.
I never want to see again.

Posted on by poeeternal · 6 Comments

Stones

Hard to face an enemy with arrows
Eyes to ground, move back but still he follows
Try to make a list of the cons and pros
Every step sinking deeper into holes
Crying only reaches more lost souls
The devil whispers “this is the life you chose”
Picking every thorn off of your rose
But darling I warned you not to get close
This side of town contains mostly lows
This is where hope comes to decompose
He’s laughing now like it’s one of his jokes
Breaking me is always one of his goals
My sins always haunting my shadows
It’s so heavy these stones I carry alone on these roads

© Delia Ross. 2019

Posted on by poeeternal

Debris

I got to where I never cry
I can feel the hours passing by
I keep the blinds closed from any sunshine
It doesn’t cost me a dime
To waste all my time
It feels like the wrong design
I still tell them all that I’m fine

Suffocate on all the energy
Surrounded by negativity
Completely numb without sensory
Nothings ever bothering me
Nothing to ever do, no one to see
Married to my invisibility
My soul a wasteland filled with debris

© Delia Ross. 2019


Posted on by poeeternal

Intro

It hurts more than my feelings
It hurts more than my pride
It hurts more than my ego
It hurts more than your lies

It cost more than your freedom
It cost more than my cries
It cost more than your window
It cost more of my time

I live in limbo
While you agonize
I see a hero
You’d never recognize

This is an intro
To a better life
The cost is zero
If you drop the guise

© Delia Ross. 2019