Where am I to go when your words are a maze They lead to heaven and purgatory Why do you leave pieces of your heart like breadcrumbs for me to find Did you mean to hold me in contempt The way starlight holds in my love for you I die over and over here What do you do with the pieces that break off me while carrying you A casualty of two You say you want me gone but won’t let me leave I’ve climbed every inch of these walls Blood holds them up now Coagulated and full of tears I almost saw the sun disappear forever But now confusion fills these halls I would die a thousand ways for you And have Sometimes my clouds block the view Oh, and I’m calling too “Over here, over here, see” But too many clouds wouldn’t let you do You stay so far from reach like the moon Getting close, getting closer, gone We live in the same galaxy But my escape velocity is you I nearly escaped but like an eclipse you appeared I can hear the trumpets bellow Or maybe my heart pounding under the mass of you Waking me from the nightmares you haunt I scream and hear endless echoes “Please just let me die” And die I do only to be born again crying “Please just let me die” I don’t know what’s dream or reality anymore But can hell be any more real than now? You stripped me of my wings You plucked me of my feathers You tell me I’m no good You say I’m broken anyhow Then kick me while I’m down You grab me by the throat Drag me up with your claws in my vein You say I stench of love And spit in my face You scold me and tell me there’s nothing to love here So I believe you and stop loving myself Please just let me die…
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. If you dig my stuffs, please check out my campaign & subscribe!! www.patreon.com/poeeternal
The scars on my veins a reminder of pain The courage just to continue each day Cuz living with depression is living under chain You may call me crazy but I’m rather quite sane
The days are heavy and I haven’t any strength Every foot forward the deeper I sink The treatments are barbaric and push me to the brink Every other year I’ve got another kind of shrink
Sending some love hehe (in case you forgots)Hi’sI had therapy today and I don’t regret it. My first ponytail since the 1600s. Some of my biggest mistakes were haircuts. And ponytails?
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
You say praying won’t make a difference I say running won’t bring repentance Now your spirit I have lamented As for letting go, I’ll stay tormented Walking away, I have been tempted I’m tired of the endless bitterness
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Happy Easter to those who celebrate. Amateur digiart by me @poeeternalAmateur digiart by me @poeeternal
So, I’ll write something with a particular word and then bam she pops up doing the same on her blog. So, I’ll post a particular image on Instagram, and bam she pops up on hers doing the same. And I’m tired of watching him thumbs up her while ghosting me. I’ve blocked them both now. I’m sick of being used and abused so he can sit back and convince all the other girls that I’m the fucking problem while they all laugh about me behind my back. Yet they all stalk me. I’M SICK OF WANTING TO FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DIE. ONTO HATING HIM AND EVERYONE HE KNOWS. HE’S BEYOND CRUEL. I JUST WANT SOME POSITIVE SUPPORT, WHICH I WORK HARD FOR AND DESERVE RECOGNITION FOR!!!!
An original original. You can copy me but you’ll never be me.
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog and help keep my blog running by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
The emptiness settles over me like fog rolling over hills and mountain tops And space, there’s not enough to keep him from my thoughts He’s got the world in his hands while my soul it sits and rots Round and wound he tunes us up like we are clocks And reason not as simple as connecting dots So doubt fills my head now thick as clots
Some will call me treasure but it won’t last for very long Some will say they love me when they never did at all Some will never see me unless it is to fall Some will give me numbers but tell me when to call
Some act like they know me but we’re only ever strange Some move through life cycles but they never really change Some will give me pieces like there’s something to arrange Some will call me crazy yet they really are deranged
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I love you… do you ever think I’m worthy of love too? I’m lonely. Aren’t you?
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I give a little still they need a lot I swing for gold but miss my shot I pull the thread, they tie the knot I turn around then lose my spot
I bust through fears like it’s a door I’m exposing things I haven’t before I’ve been wandering for ages lost on his shore And I’m terrified our country is headed for war
Many are choices yet few we can choose And I wonder just really who could fit these shoes And I gave him my word and he gave me the blues And I gave him my heart now there’s nothing to lose
Been stumbling around and lost in a maze And I’m choking on fumes that came from his blaze Yet no matter how he hurts me the love always stays Maybe I’m just broken and desperate for his praise
I hear so much chatter but there’s nothing people say Yet ask them where they’re going they’ll get back another day And I really give my all, that’s just the price we pay It’s like we’re skipping first base and heading straight for the freeway!!
Sometimes I think a bridge is there for me to jump And an ocean is a gully where all my hope has sunk Sometimes I’m wise and knowing and other times I’m drunk But mostly these days I rarely give a fuck
Patience is a virtue and some don’t know the drill If silence is really golden, I am searching still He is just a sleeping lion ready for the kill And she is just a tool to help him seal the deal
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He’s there but he isn’t but he is Like the heart I’m missing cuz it’s his And all this need for truth and accuracy keeps me caged But underneath the lying they’re all the same
I watch the needle shred the rope away And minute by hour my hope will fade It’s like I’m drowning on the words you always say And I don’t know if I can make it another day
It’s like I’m pleading and I’m bleeding through my rhyme And I’m screaming and I’m needing you all the time My eyes keep leaking as the sun will rise The devils’ always dancing to our cries
He thinks he needs them though they never satisfy Yet one thought of me will make him high He keeps me condemned to these tears I cry And neither of us know how to say goodbye
Everything about them is second best And he keeps my heart on house arrest It’s like my compass is always pointing midwest My feet are walking but they’re never blessed
My mind could end it, my heart won’t quit And others tell me he isn’t it The message broken, it won’t transmit I’m trekking on, even if frostbit
I would move a mountain to feel his touch I’ve cried an ocean, guess it really ain’t much I know we’re both in hell that’s my clearest view You can say you love them it isn’t true
Maybe one day you won’t hide your head in shame Maybe one day you won’t treat love as a game Maybe one day you’ll feel proud of your name But if that day never comes I still love you the same
It’s a funky rhyme. I feel like a living dead ghoul….obsessed or maybe possessed. My rhyme testimony to my last living will…and the powerful dread of unrequited love. Don’t worry, we all die one way or the other, but this way is the worst.
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There is no life in this blood Heartache rushing in like a flood My heart is buried in your mud And giving up, I would if I could
These streets are lined with people who are down Yet your hand is never one that can be found On broken backs you prance around And forgetting you, I probably should
It’s either burning bridges or half- frozen lakes And how to get through, I don’t know what it takes Sleeping pills or alcohol won’t stop the aches And all your meanings, well I clearly misunderstood
Good luck with her, her, her, and her (there’s 4 of them right?) I’m just tired of being an outcast and a fool for love. Reading your poetry and comments to girls is like falling straight into a cactus naked. I can’t do it anymore. I’m literally going to die if I get one more prick. Goodbye
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Slaves to the 1 percent Chained by the narcissists One foot forward ’til the other quits Mind says no but the heart persists
Damnation at the edge of both wrists You think it is love but you never have kissed He binds you so tight with the lies that he twists You cannot stop now no matter the risk
The devil’s tongue is hard to resist His hold on you tighter than both fists No matter your move he’s ahead of the lists As inch by inch you cease to exist
I never know he’s watching, But, I’m hoping, I’m hoping on, the rope that’s got me choking And tighter yet, the courage it takes coping When hanging from, the thread he strung, starts croaking And tighter do my hands become from groping Regrets like knots, have kept love from corroding Swaying bound, his eyes slowly approaching Enlightenment may be found with both eyes opened
Today is my WordPress anniversary! I’m not doing anything special to celebrate the day but I did take some snaps for you! With messy hair and a t-shirt. My basic, every day look. But now my hair looks messier than ever because my roots aren’t matching my drapes. BUT this is the year I am ATTEMPTING to love me as I am. And because I love me, I don’t want to put any more chemicals on my hair that I’ve been carefully growing out for nearly 3 years (the length of time I’ve been out of the Army). Once my ride is paid off, TATTOOS shall become me (I have 3 already). I would like some more piercings in my ears as well! Things I couldn’t do while serving honorably for 15 years!
I gave up lots of rights y’all probably take for granted. But now, I am attempting to enjoy those rights that y’all had that I didn’t have. And some folks don’t like that because it doesn’t serve their needs. But that’s okay too because this journey is teaching me who my real friends and family are. Who my real fans and supporters are. And exposing enemies wrapped like allies. And I appreciate those who allow me room to grow because there are many who are still holding onto versions of me that no longer exist. A narcissist may not be able to change but I can. I just wish I could forget a lot of the things they have done to me. Those things primarily being abuse. Anyhoo.
January 30th is my WordPress anny! HiI need foodz and coffeeeeePetite little thang but I love youuu
Thanks for the love and attention y’all. It’s non-existent in my real life. And dudes truly only care about the dirty gals. They pass me over like trash. They make me feel invisible and make me wish I had never been born… Or they are only interested in sex. Nothing more. Like, I’m a person with real feelings. But I’m either trash or a sex object, to them, that’s it. Depression is an understatement. What self-esteem? They’ve killed it. It’s a daily struggle to go on, to even want a purpose anymore. I can’t hide the sadness in my face any longer. Disappointment is an understatement. There are no words…
Except, I love you. Thank you for supporting me. For your follows. Your likes. Your re-shares. Your comments. Your pledges on my Patreon. Your encouragement. I need it more than ever now. You matter. ❤
First off, WOW, my blog hit 600 followers today and I think that’s a big deal. Especially considering I don’t follow the blogging rules, I’m not a social butterfly, I’m wild and awkward, I haven’t participated in any of the blogger award nominations, I actually read your stuff (as opposed to just hitting like on a flood of your post), and my comments can seem cold and off-putting, or instigating a bit, sarcastic or uncaring. Yo, all I can say is I’m a war vet and dealing with stuffs, loads of stuffs, communication in this phase of my life is hard. But I’m out here still trying to share who I am with you and you’re following me, and like that warms up my icy heart. And sometimes you guys leave me comments that really sink deep into my soul. I’m grateful for that and for you. Honestly your support has kept me going through this depression, I’d be lost without you.
Thank you for finding value in me when facing my family and discovering how toxic they were and how little value they actually had of me, especially after getting out of the army after serving honorably for 15 years. I literally had no support. You guys have seen me get emo, falter, fall, get back up again. You’ve let me share my writings with you, even the ones I was scared to share, which encouraged me to keep writing and to keep sharing. The poems in which I thought wouldn’t have much impact actually had more impact on others than the ones that I thought would carry more weight. Some I write as agony bleeds from my pen, taking careful time and precision, others I freestyle as if it’s the last rhyme I’ll ever write. Time is absolutely irrelevant when it comes to the quality of my poetry.
It doesn’t matter if I take an hour or 5 Seconds, the inspiration flows out all the same. It’s just the ones that are always painstakingly hard to write, aren’t always the ones that get the most attention. The ones that I desperately want people to like aren’t always the ones that get the attention. Or, the size of poem. It matters not. I’ve even pushed myself to write 10 word micro-stories and poems, 25 word micro-poems and stories, and 50 word poetry and stories, and you guys have took to all of them really well! And to be honest, it feels great when my mini stories are well-received because they aren’t easy to write. And all my poetry or stories always have a moral to them. A climax. A decline. A theme. An ending. Purpose. I give words purpose. That’s what I do. And in 200 years it very well may be my legacy.
But now is all that matters. I don’t just write for me anymore, I write for you as well. And by that I mean, you inspire me to keep going, to keep pushing through depression, self-loathing, regrets, sorrow, isolation, suicidal ideations, excessive crying, public mood swings, insomnia, rage, confusion, hate, and even unrequited love. Underneath all that you still see a person worth following. Thank you for reals. I see you. I love you.
P.S. I’m aware a recent poem probably hit really hard but they’re just words, I don’t really hate him, I actually want the best for him and love him and I wish he would actually try to get better and truth is I’m just trying to hurt him the way he’s hurting me. I don’t even want him to be blocked and I wish we were following each other’s blogs & Insta’s again. But, I haven’t got past my own insecurities and seeing him flirt with other girls hurts me to the core, like the very center, which seems to radiate everywhere else in me. And lately the hurt has been flowing out like hot magma, but hopefully when the rage cools down, crust will form over the Earth, flowers will bloom again. Because, the hate doesn’t stop making me love him. Death won’t even do that…
P.S.S. A big shoutout to all my Patrons who are supporting this blog, I am utterly grateful for your encouragement and pledges, you have no idea! I so value your support and your feedback, as a writer it’s invaluable, and the privacy of it allows me to have a “safe place” to write and grow with you. But also, I really need the bread money and your support means I can keep writing on this blog and writing is so therapeutic! It also holds me accountable, and gives my life purpose and meaning. Something many veterans struggle with after returning to civilian life. And I really am trying to give you a lot of value for your money, thank you for believing in me! And for pledging! ❤ I’m getting sobby again. I cry over everything but at least this one is a good cry. 😄
The bigger number, the one nearing 4K, that’s WordPress counting my Twitter and Facebook followers (I don’t think Insta is included in that data but I could be wrong).
If you dig my writing, you can support this blog by becoming a VIP patron on my Patreon campaign (my goal is 25 patrons, we’re 6/25) 😍: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
If you dig my writing, you can support this advert free blog by becoming a Patron on my Patreon campaign (your support means I can keep writing): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I don’t understand this lesson How your actions leave me guessin’ And your heart’s not where it’s destined And your praise to her hits like a lethal weapon
I’m not blind, I have eyes to see And your poetry contains bits of me You’re running wild yet you’re never free But I’m moving on, without your poetry
It’s hard to count the many tears I’ve cried And even harder, the lies you’re living by I’d wish you well but then it’s me who lied And though I’m dead my love for you survived
I feel empty, like a hollowed shell Yet every tear has the weight of hell If I’m missed, I can never tell I know your love would get me feeling well
If you dig my writing, you can help support this advert free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Creature of the underworld…I don’t like heartbreaks…My heart is so heavy my eyes cryI still hurts after all this time…My hair is fookin’ long tho… almost as long as my regrets…
All alone on another Eve
Does it matter if I’m well or sickly?
Loneliness is eating through my soul like a disease
I wash it down with eggnog and whiskey
I’ll be lucky if I make it to fifty I feel so exposed yet empty On and on my tears will stream I feel it all yet feel nothing
My purpose is few and far between
Climbed through his window, it’s getting darker it seems
Fighting for more than jewellery for the queens
Lost somewhere between nightmare and a dream
Is this purgatory?
For the living?
Monsters keep following me
I feed them honey
It came, it saw, it went
All my energy is spent
And I’m drowning in debt
With the economic collapse, I slipped
I’m such a catch you bet
Haven’t met my enemy yet
His name is death
I’m sorry you feel I am not worthy Of anything A lesson of, “I too agree” But please keep laughing….
Let me take a knee…
You are the king
Of the filthy
Let me kiss your ring
I’M BOWING
YOU ARE WINNING
Don’t visit me at the cemetery
Where I’m going…
I mean, you already killed me
His words hit like an EMP
A shock wave rushing over me
Unwrapping tears under the tree
Fears this Christmas eve
Rain and invisibility
The very essence of me
Hearing his laughter is like an avalanche of joy crashing into my soul
Boulders of despair crumble into the great wide unknown
And for a moment, if I dare, I call this broken rumble home
Wide open spaces on our faces made for places where sadness can atone
His laughter is like God ringing the dinner bell
Depression lifted like a veil
A voice from heaven reaching me in hell
The very reason for happiness as far as I can tell
Hearing him laugh is a great anti-depressant. His happiness is my throne. I’d climb the highest mountain to hear it, if only but for a moment. Is there anyone you love to hear laugh? I freestyle wrote this at 3 am while the world was sleeping cuz I heard a thing with him laugh & like poem erupted so. I love to hear him laugh if that was somehow unclear. 😄
If you climb the mountain of despair I will greet you there For my home is made of sorrow And it’s found everywhere No purpose for tomorrow Here there’s little air Watch him praying to the sparrow Well, I still don’t care
Top, bottom, or in between
It’s the still same routine
Kiss them now or never
Been numb since I was fifteen
Blinded or with sight
Still can’t feel anything
With cure or a poison
There is no vaccine
She hides her face
So the dark can’t see her pain
She needs embrace
But the tears come with the rain
She fell from grace
So they call her insane
Lost to a rigged race
Her heart was cheaply slain
By a monster who disappeared without a trace
And he’s not worth a name
Another year alone on this road I go
And why he never cared
I may never know
Eyes that often stared
No space for hearts to grow
Every moment shared
A price that I still owe
My soul forever impaired
Just want love to flow
You know, I still cry over the fact that he never even wished me a happy birthday this year and it was the only thing I even wanted. But I watch him tell other girls happy birthday. He makes me feel small and insignificant. He always does, he always has. As if he were born to make me regret ever being born. Crying now but whatever. As long as he sleeps at night, right?
The wind blows through with piercing cold sorrow The challenge is finding a purpose for tomorrow His lies burrow deep into a heart now hollow I once was his light but now I’m just his shadow
Out there on the horizon
A glimpse of redemption
While crawling over ice thinning
And tethers strained from the tension
As the distance slowly lengthens
Where the darkness comes to listen
Reflections rarely glisten
Just a sight of mostly deception
And fragile connections
No regrets for him I’m guessing
And I failed another lesson
Thinking love was a blessing
Not another interception
Not a secret obsession
Gifting only depression
His attention another direction
I get no affection
Not even a chance for selection
Just a ghost in another dimension
And my hate for him I’ll mention
Over and over in confession
With or without aggression
I’m at peace in this session
Writing bygones and rejection
What again was the question?
If shame were a crime, you reached perfection
Now go focus on another erection
And you better get tested for infection
Because you’ll stick it wherever there is exception
How much pussy is in your collection?
Disgusting vile worthless tool with zero potential
Ain’t no use standing on the ledge Ain’t no use living on the edge Ain’t no use deciding what went wrong Ain’t no use crying all night long Ain’t no use denying what was said Ain’t no use pretending that we’re dead
Seven days, seven broken seals
Seven bottles, seven ways to feel
Seven hands but never any deals
So many hours, nothing helps to heal
Unanswered prayers left me where I kneel
So many arrows but none of them have the kill
Prayers just to get me through the pain
I’d give it all up for just another day
Darkness now engulfs my only view
I can’t accept that our time is through
Throw my troubles far into the past
Give myself a break from coming last
What a despicable thing you have become
The tether rotted, the damage done
I’m not the only thing from which you run
My tears are flowing but you are having fun?
She’s with you now I know she is
I would rather die than keep going through this
I wish I had never felt your virtual kiss
I wish your name I could forget
I didn’t think it could hurt any deeper
Or that he could become a colder creature
He’s got a taste for evil and that’s only a teaser
The devil says he was born a natural deceiver
Deep he draws blood from within my vein
A master of lies and pain is his reign
An unmanly thing with a tarnished name
A useless boy always inheriting blame
You can lead a demon to heaven but you can’t make him enter
You can stomp on a flame but it still needs an ember
I can say I hate you but there’s still love in the center
I can pretend you don’t exist but your words I still remember
Our life is an epic poem Like the Great Red Spot on Jupiter Our pain is our greatest storm And we burrow and we rise in perfect form
Struggles are ingredients to our lives
And we sprinkle bits of honey on the knives
And we reach such depths in our dives
But this is how all life thrives
In our toolkit we have so much courage We eat our sadness like it is porridge We peer into darkness where we flourish And our will becomes an endless forage
Alex Ebert inspires me so much, in every possible way. His pep talk on Tuners radio hit a core. I am grateful for him. For being able to learn and grow and not be stagnant in my woe. But to flourish and thrive. You cannot have light without the dark. And so I see my darkness in a new light. And so I take these waves to greater heights, as I settle in the cold black night. Everything’s gonna be alright. Just gotta get through the bite. Then sight. If you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts and ideation, you really should go listen to his pep talk, it’s under 2 minutes but maybe the greatest lesson of my life. Listen for free (no download needed): https://tuners.io/tracks/13446
I also dropped this poem as a spoken word reply under his thread “You Are Courageous” under Alex’s Tuners Radio account, if you wanna have a listen: https://tuners.io/tracks/13492
I woke up to my Sunday morning with my ride having been damaged by a heinous, criminal act. I do not have the money to repair it. IF ANYONE CAN HELP, PLEASE HELP. DEPRESSION AWARENESS! SUICIDE AWARENESS. I CAN’T TAKEMUCH MORE. If anyone is capable or caring enough to help, please, I’m at the end of my rope.
Broken window, shattered soul, this is hell, don’t you knowSunday blues *sigh* Nothing stolen, strictly spite$275 in repair costs I do not have and cannot drive until it is fixed.
Forward calls, voicemail full
Store away the wings, ride the bull
Expose the mask, clean the wool
Give sheeple a tug, see if heart can pull
Cotton balls or iron spoons Pay for love through blackened rooms Seen as gain but more cartoons Heard them crying over popped balloons
Walk away again, bury my hope
You gave him love, he gave you rope
Sinful tongue must clean with soap
Life just means I cannot cope
Sunday here, someday gone
Won’t even bother writing a Dear John…
Might stick around and watch his dawn
But he took me down like a baby fawn
He set the bar low but it is nonexistent
Perhaps it is there and I only missed it
If it’s a girl with missing panties, he will crawl persistent
If it’s an angel with a heartbeat, he will keep his distance
It was a 357 Magnum that took her life She wrote me a note then died that night She said she loved me the last time we spoke And then she never again awoke
Meika Dawn Capps was her name I never did again feel the same I’d spend all day with her at the cemetery When she died I was also buried
April 7th, 1993 An asteroid called suicide got the best of me The gun even had a scope Years later her mother died at the end of a rope
Two funerals and a broken girl
I am definitely the saddest in the world
News it broke that Wednesday ‘mourning’
And I have never stopped hurting
She taught me everything, from how to shave to how to insert a tampon. Bestie foreverrrr. She died by suicide and years later her mother too. Meika’s first boyfriend also died by suicide two months before she died and he’s buried right near her. “Suicides always happen in 3” – something I learned in college which stuck with me.
I love you. Your death was apocalyptic to my soul. A day does not pass without you on my mind. You were my muse then, and my muse now. I miss getting into trouble with you. Skipping down the halls of school singing Pink Floyd. Writing songs together. Jumping off the balcony onto the trampoline. Moon bathing at night. Laughing together. Crying together. Meeting bands together. Late night cheese stick eatings. Watching headbangers ball. Staying on the phone with each other until we fell asleep and then waking up with the phone still connected and saying ‘see you at school’. I’m not the same without you. I miss your makeup tutorials. Your blue eyes. You speaking like Elmo. You never judging me. Wearing each others clothes and shoes. You hating that I was a few months older than you, and then briefly each year us being the same age- and how happy that made you- until my birthday came. Sharing our dreams and aspirations. Playing guitar together even though we didn’t know any chords yet. Those plans of starting a band. That moment you wanted to be a bass player and how excited we were to start a band. You calling me “creampuff” and I you “juicyfruit”. You were my best friend and soul mate. I was too young to understand depression so your suicide was both sudden and shocking. It changed my entire existence. It left a deep impact in my soul. I still cry out for you. I still need you. I still love you. Your last words to me were “I love you”. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. And I wish I had known you were thinking of ending your life. But how could I have known when I suffered from the same illness. I should have stayed in better contact with your mommy because years later she took her life too. And when I saw bits of your coffin peeking out from the dirt, as your mom was being laid to rest next to you, memories of that day you left me rushed back into my mind. There’s no way of knowing if you exist in some other realm than me. But I hope when I cross that plain you will be there waiting. There’s so much I need to tell you. You taught me a very hard lesson in life. I cherish our memories, the good and bad. I NEVER want to forget you. I miss you. Always. Forever. Eternally Yours. xx (RIP Meika Dawn Capps May 1, 1979 – April 7, 1993))
Meika With Billy Ray Cyrus (I was there too)Meika with Peter from Trixter (I was there too) Billy Ray Cirus and self, age 13, 1993 (this was the year I thought it a good idea to cut my hair short and have a feather bang and wear shoulder pads) Sister, Billy Ray Cirus, self 1993 That’s my dad’s tour bus on the left and that was Billy Ray Cyrus’s tour bus on the right… I’ve had an interesting life. Lots of unshared stories. There aren’t many pictures that exist from the 90s. I miss you so much baby girl… Not a day goes by, not a day goes by, without you in my mind. I need you so much. I once asked “why did you leave me” but now I know depression took you. I’m sorry I lost the last letter you wrote me, I regret it everyday. All these years later, you were still the only thing I ever had.
13, the age I died. I just want to share my real story. Part of my journey. I wish I had one photo of us together, and so that’s why I’m obsessed with photographing everything now. The 90s. The best and worst decade ever with little photographic evidence.
Please give me back the me that you stole
Please give me back the me that you control
Please give me back the me that makes you whole
Please kill the rest of me that you left cold
Always pain but never pleasure
The misery goes without measure
Found his love like a buried treasure
If I were to hate him, it would be never
Underneath that makeup her life is a wreck
I watch her dance with a noose tied around his neck
It seems he’s in a hurry to bounce her check
And if I’m ever seen, I must look a tiny speck
Does he know I’m different from other girls
I’ve never even owned a set of pearls
Where is the direction his love unfurls
Put me underneath him where my spirit swirls
PoeEternal 