Side-note: If you “don’t want your children to see this” stop letting them loose at Walmart and the Mall. 💀
Psst…
Halloween spider mesh bodysuit by Dolls Kill 💀
Witches Spider Cap by ROMWE on Shein 😈
Both sold out but may restock 🎃
One of my favorite new cosplay sets. I feel more myself in this attire and without loads of makeup making it theatrical and whatnot
I’m the real thang 🎃
You can’t burn me legally at the stake anymore 👻
So just wanted to see what it would feel like to do a midnight Halloween set without all the makeup and flare
I was wearing vegan flavored strawberry kissy lips and that made for an extra sweet midnight smile set (I can hook you up with a free glam bag on Ipsy) (most products are vegan) (cancellation is easy but I’m staying on for awhile) (I got a free Halloween glam kit for sign-up and love it) (you can adjust the frequency of delivery as well) 🎃
Halloween is my favorite season perhaps 🤔
Do you like my new set?
How is my petite pumpkin looking? 👀
“I don’t like your ass when you bend over, it disappears” (something someone said to me in my 20s directly after sex)
Yeah, just like any empathy I ever had for you.
Everyone has had such high standards of how my body should look 24/7 because apparently I’m supposed to be posing 24/7 that I’m afraid to even show my fucking skin because I’ll probably get yelled at for being fucking white anyway
Always told I need to “cover up” cuz they like it too much to “just be friends”
Heaven is empty and I cry a lot lol
I also talk to the dead
I have a budding relationship with John Jones
I also keep having images of him (not John) finding me hanging from a tree
The way he breaks and the strength it takes for him to not look away
To get me down…
I don’t know what’s real anymore
I’m focusing on my blog and OnlyFans for now
I’m sorry I’m not posting more yet on my free one – which I can go live on but I can’t go live on my subscribed one 😑
The way the wheels turn 💀
But I’ve started posting playful sensual videos on my OF
And as long as someone wants to support my content I’ll keep going
WordPress just emailed me telling me that I owe them $100 to keep the blog going but web links are broken and everything is chaotic inside the algorithm since they split it into
I need new web hosting and all sorts of cleanup in my life
My blog continues to remain advertising free
All my content is original
Trends make me feel obsolete and always behind
There’s always someone who can come along and do it better, I’m only ever average at anything even when I give it my all
Self-portrait October 2022 (the timeline is wrong)
I have taken the feedback from my prior sets and invested in some additional things that I can’t wait to arrive –
I’d like to give you a sneak peek on one thing that I scored – which was probably the biggest ticket item for the best price – and I was willing to starve next month for them…
And before I show you – don’t have doubt about the boot style – I am a Soldier and could wear this to an actual event without killing my precious feet – I could wear these into battle potentially – I thought they’d look good with a school skirt or lingerie. I thought maybe I could be buried in them. I thought maybe they were worth missing a meal next month. And, at less than $8 a boot, it was still less than the rotten eggs and milk that Peggy’s Discount Health Food store sold me on Monday….
Should I cancel the order? 🤪
In the wishlist… 👇
In the Dolls Kill wishlist 🎃
They just put out this Halloween costume (which I think is better than the one that I did get – but Every day is Halloween)
This costume includes the headband, the pentagram bra, the gloves, and the skirt with attached devil’s tail (not the tights)
And I will absolutely fucking cry if it sells out before I can purchase it but I’m tapped out for the month 🤪
I did score some really good stuff for the Labor Day sale though because I’m an excellent bargain hunter and I’m still throwing away clothes in my closet and throughout my home that are size medium and large (boys T-shirts with holes in them and business attire uniforms)
So grateful to share my makeover progress with you
THE THIGH HIGH BOOTS ARE VEGAN 🤩
I’ve been extremely busy in the real world but I’ve also been writing poetry and I do plan to get another set out to you before I release the poetry
I’ll show you one more surprise from the shopping makeover (and please note I’m paying thrift store prices or less for brand new items)
THIS WAS NEARLY SOLD OUT ON SHEIN
COMING SOON
(I picked up other Daddy cosplay stuff but don’t want to spoil the good surprise)
I would just like to add that I’ve never had a makeover in my life or got to dress pretty
All the men prior in my life body shamed me
I wore oversized baggy clothing and kept my head down 😑
I’m grateful for your readership and feedback and support
It’s all being invested back into my blog and photography and thank you for being patient with me while I get content out to you
I’ve been writing lots of poetry in between paying the bills and doc appointments
Getting rebound sessions in when the heart allows
DETOXING DETOXING DETOXING
I’ll be glad when I can turn the dating sign back on 🤪
Do you think my potential future husband would take me to the altar immediately to marry me if I opened the door up wearing those boots and a school skirt?
I NEED TO KNOW
My feet shouldn’t have to hurt to look amazing – so really hope you like em!!! My first vegan thigh highs!!!!!!!!!!! And R-E-D 🎃
CAN’T WAIT TO USE THE PRETTY MAKEUP – THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE GIFT 🎁
I guess you have to live an entire year before you’re considered that age (so does this technically mean I’m still 42 and when I’m 44 I’ll actually be 43, my age now)? 🤪
And you have to have a plus 1 to get the 1K badge from WordPress
It has arrived! 👇👇👇
Thank you so much for the follows! 👁👄👁
I love you! 💕
PSST I swear I am going to set up a blogging schedule soon, I have been gravely ill, and in the bed!
I get out every now and again for medicine, toilet paper and food
And on the occasion I stop by the beach so I can get a few frights
It’s just not normal the things going on in the world and around these parts
And I feel so bad for the people who visit the beach and try to enjoy it when I’m there because I’m hooting and hollering every few seconds and then they immediately leave, probably out of fear (lmao I’m gonna pee myself because my fear is contagious to others)
I swear when we’re on a flight and the plane starts doing shit it’s not supposed to do, when you hear me gasping, everybody on the plane is staring at me the entire time and my eyes get really big and both of my hands are clutching onto the armrest and the entire plane ahead and behind will be staring at me, but I can’t stop being scared y’all
This world frightens me and you can see it on my face
My fears don’t lie
And I’m a little girl that never grew up so anytime there’s a bug or I’m scared of something I sound like I’m being murdered lmao
I didn’t even share all the screams I had the other day when I stopped by the ocean briefly but it was even scarier than before
The clouds were hanging really low and were many different shades of gray and everything just looked doom to me and there was no lifeguard on duty and it was only 11:30 AM, it was about to be high noon and it’s uncommon because the ocean is warm but there’s no sealife anywhere, yet the ocean is still reaching the sea wall, and it’s all wet. And standing in it, surrounded by all ocean, scares the crap out of me, especially with the tide being a triple king tide that won’t leave 👀
The ocean ate the beach
The worlds most famous beach
And maybe one day we will get our beach back but I’m looking at reports that state Daytona Beach is undergoing extreme flooding over the next 30 years and buildings are falling down in Miami so you can continue to be gaslit and lied to but I’m gonna start listening with my eyes from now on
And when I’m feeling better I’m going to share a post on my blog where I can upload some photos and some videos of it
I haven’t even been watching TV or playing video games or reading, I’ve mostly just been in my bed and sleeping a lot and eating when I can
I hope I feel better soon but I may have to go to the ER for the treatment I need 👀
I’ve been avoiding it TBH
I don’t want to be held against my will and I don’t want to die there and I most certainly would probably get arrested because I would fucking leave campground and if the cops tried to stop me I would still try to leave and get out of there
I mean I would rather be in jail and have three meals a day than to be anywhere near the goddamn hospitals or clinics when I fucking die
Capeesh?
Healthcare is deathcare
My eyes are open
And just like Neo, they hurt from what they see
I don’t think I have much time left but I don’t believe any of us have much time left 👀
Blogging is my lifeline to you
My safe place
My safety net
It is the only place online I can speak freely
And not be penalized to have my intellectual property or my account removed
These businesses need us to survive and yet they treat us like shit
The only way we can get our voice back is to stop using these apps until we get some sort of freedom of speech again and stop spending our money
Only buy what you really need
In America, I’m attempting to support American owned businesses only (and small)
But I don’t believe any sign in the door and I don’t believe in the governments agenda society is a scam it’s a sham consumption is narcissism and the less stuff we have the more expensive it’s going to get and those who have the most money are going to hog it
Start looking out for you and your circle
We’re all we’ve got
And you’re welcome on my boat, it’s not very big and there’s holes everywhere
I’m heading to Point Nemo
And check out this warning from TikTok, “Participating in this activity could result in you or others getting hurt” 👇
Apparently people are getting tracked on TikTok too, children are getting kidnapped as well as adults (I don’t know if the two are the same) but social media is toxic and the devil lives in your TV and his minions use it to kidnap us
Now I hope many of you know that kidnappings take place so that people can get sexually tormented (children too)
I read an article recently where the Mexican government was working with the mafia and they sexually tortured several teenage children (in Mexico) and we allow millions and millions and millions of immigrants to come over here and live in America and they don’t give a fuck about you or our culture or traditions
They are torturing children in their own country and they come over here and they fucking torture us too
Porn has done something to the human race
The other day when I was in the Vet Center I told the guy that I would just take all responsibility and say that I am what’s wrong with the world, that I’m the problem, I’m too broken, I’m “crazy” and so I need to just not be around other people or get married and he looked dead at me and said that I’m not the one whose crazy, it’s the world that is crazy and I’m not wrong about what’s going on with porn and how it’s affecting mankind
It felt so nice to be validated by a man
I mean I’m literally walking into his office carrying my crucifix and falling fucking down
But it’s nice to hear from another male soldier that I’m not crazy
That all this shit in society is wrong and toxic
I’ve had to get off most of social media because of how toxic it is, because of the catcalling, because of the death threats, because of the stalking, because my freedom of speech is gone
I have no rights anymore
Immigration has been a Trojan horse in America!!!
I have a right to be angry!!!
My comrades are dying by suicide!!!!
I’m awake!!! I’m up!!! I can’t save you, you have to save yourself!
But, I can stand quarantined near you
I can ration supplies
Build shelter and dig trenches
Clean and fire weapons
Pull security
Disabled, not obsolete 👀
I’ve been fighting for equality for a long time, that applies for the job market and the housing market as well
You don’t get to come over here and steal all our best jobs and all our management positions and create toxic environments and then force your fucking poison drugs on us anymore
Society is a sham
And it requires consuming to work
Endless consumption
And we’re wasting our natural resources so you can have resin Knickknacks
Plastic everywhere
Plastic everything
Generica
👎👎
Anyway, I’m grateful I have a blog to voice my concerns, to share my poetry, photography, and prose
I’m grateful I have you as a reader
I can’t do this without you
I need you
So this is just as much your award as it is mine
We got here together, in this boat 🛶
Thank you for 1,000 follows! 🥰
It took the plus one to get the badge
And it takes living a year to earn that age? 🤔
So I’m not really 43 right now, I’m technically still 42?
And then after he stuffed my belly full of pizza –
He surprised me again and got me stuffs from my Amazon wishlist 😻
And then I fell asleep on him again 🤪
(Not literally just metaphorically)
If he was actually here you likely wouldn’t hear from me for days, you’d probably only hear from me when I came up for air…
If he allowed it
🤪
Slept through the whole night
Looks like he’s got the prescription Big Pharm can’t write me
You reckon them porn stars are ready to make babies with every guy that gets them something off their Amazon wishlist? An I doing this right? 👀
The porn stars only care about money babies – That’s why she’s always looking right in the camera and smiling at you. It’s called acting.
But this here isn’t acting. This is me wanting to meet up with him in Vegas, elope, and start making babies immediately.
👀
He doesn’t care that I’m aloof and stupid. Because I can’t even read a coupon correctly and I fall asleep on him.
But that’s the thing, when he comes around I finally sleep.
He’s my safe place.
Even though I don’t actually know who he really is.
It’s complicated 👀
But for the first time in my life somebody bought me something off of my Amazon wishlist and for some reason I keep getting to do all the firsts with him. 😻
I want to do all the firsts and then I want to do them again.
Everything about him feels better than dying on the street.
There aren’t any red flags and even if there were, my brain perceives them as a red carpet.
I need him
He knows how to handle my inexperience and goofiness
Or when I read a pizza coupon wrong
He knows how to make me not feel stupid
Even when I’m feeling slightly embarrassed for being inexperienced or stewpids
He squashes those fears flat before they even get a chance to simmer
I could be 100 % convinced we were on the straight path and then lead us both into a trap and he’d make a game out of it
Cuz I’ve decided this instance he’s my Tarzan
Him and I like the forest
When we’re not busy destroying the city and everything in it
Everything except each other
We stop for kisses and then get back to fucking shit up like Bonnie and Clyde
I’m busy dying and he’s like “but can we have babies first before you do that”
And now all the parts in my body feel magnetized and activated
There may be a slight hum coming from my bones
It’s possible I may start levitating a few inches off the ground
Does anybody make you feel like that?
I know how the universe feels expanding cuz he makes all my neurons fire
He makes my entire body euphoric without touching me
And sometimes he makes me throb
He makes me feel the things
And I get to open up and do things with him that other people won’t let me do
My mind, spirit, and body has been chained
But he frees me
He knows how to release me
I’m attached to him and it’s not through trauma bonding
We are north and south
Yin and yang
And I have loads of food leftover and stuff arriving this week from my wishlist thanks to him spoiling me 💕
I also have a surprise coming from my DollsKill wishlist, something I got in thanks of y’all pushing me into the top 27, and holding me there so long!
I can’t talk about it, you just have to wait!
(And even tho I was waiting like a hawk all day for UPS, I still managed to miss that ‘tap’ at my door). The dog didn’t even bark. He barks at everything! 🤪
I even drove around the parking lot like a madman trying to catch up with him but he was gone gone gone
So I gotta go pick it up at the drop off location I think.
I’ve just accepted that reality is broken for me.
And I can trust my mind just about as much as I can trust my GPS.
👀
Or the CDC.
And I yelled at my nurse yesterday when I was trying to relay a message to her to get to my doctor about looking up the signs and symptoms of Moderna and she wanted to give me the signs and symptoms listed off the CDC website and I was like “I need you to start taking your job seriously, people have died from this“.
And then I yelled at her more saying my signs and symptoms aren’t the fucking flu
Or what you can pull from the CDC website which lists COMMON symptoms, not rare.
Furthermore, those are common symptoms from all the vaccines, I need mine specifically from Moderna.
And then I hung up on her cuz my heart can’t take the fucking stress.
And then my mind was wandering to where only seven people had attended Edgar Allan Poe’s funeral and I was thinking I didn’t want anybody to attend mine at all – until he came.
Have you ever missed someone you’ve never even met?
I’m slightly deranged and dying and didn’t even think he wanted me around.
But then he appeared like Neo and said, “I’ve missed you” and I replied, “I can tell”. And then we disappeared and then I missed Morpheus arriving with my special package for y’all… 👀
The end of the world can wait. Priorities.
Coming out of my coffin soon
I hope
And I’m having pizza and warm brownies for breakfast
With milk
😋
Gonna have delicious pizza breath off and on all day
And I think my special package is on the brown truck again – I think they’re going to actually attempt to redeliver it since it was a signed package but then they’re going to leave it at the drop off point if I’m unable to show up at my own destination. 🤪
But I can’t even read a fucking pizza coupon correctly so you know
Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong
It’s like a betting game
I had my pharmacist crying laughing the other day though, I told him, “it says good driver on my license though sometimes it’s questionable“ and he was like STOP IT and was wiping tears from his eyes.
And everything I said was comic gold. He couldn’t stop laughing. He thanked me for the mental health boost.
🤓
(no need to get jelly cuz this one plays for the other team)
We were just having a moment like the squirrel
There’s madness all around but sometimes you just gotta stop and laugh with somebody whose on the job.
Somebody who isn’t threatening to kick your fucking ass simply because you need them to sign onto the register so they can check out your egg sandwich and Coca-Cola in the can.
You’re gonna sign out and meet me outside are you?
Well I wanna see that fucking shit, I do
👀
So it’s either fighting hoes at the 7/11 or having babies in Vegas.
I’ll take Vegas.
👀
(I was feeling completely depleted and deranged but then he came and filled me up with love and pizza and gifts from my Amazon Wishlist)
Lightning struck twice in the same place
A double first
He’s some sort of mythical, magical creature and I don’t fear him in the thickness or the fog
He taught me to hover below the fog
To use the fog as a cover
To lay flat so I can breathe easier
He’s teaching me how to not fear the fog
He told me the fog will come and go
But that the forest needs the fog
He said I’ll get that lesson another time
And then he kissed me and disappeared into the fog
Woot! Update! My new poetry reel is going viral because I got my first ever notification that my reel has had 500 plays!! It hasn’t even been out 24 hours yet y’all!!! 😍😍😍😍😍
It’s already had more plays than all my previous reels!!! ENCOURAGING. CHECKMARMATE PLEASE! 😍
*happy dance, pees self*
500 plays in its first 14 hours released 😍🙏
Apparently Instagram thinks it’s worth notifying me that my reel has had 500 plays already! 😍
Again, on hour 14 or something currently! 😍
It feels pretty damn good to write a poem and go viral all in the same fucking day okay.
No one makes me smile the way he makes me smile – not by a mile The way he wears me with his eyes, if only you had his style Months go by without a word like we’re living in exile And then word the king is coming and we’re lining up single-file
I got a “like” by Bush on this Instagram post of this poem I wrote and digiart of Gavin Rossdale I made!! (see post below) *squee* (it is definitely squee worthy for one of my favorite artist to like a poem I wrote about him, I will take the love in any form or fashion he gives me!!!)
So, *tries to breathe* some of you may know I’m obsessed with Gavin Rossdale and Bush, I literally wait for hours in all weather just to get front row for his band… I drive for hours, I wait in long lines for hours (I’m usually front of line, so get to venues extremely early, after driving for hours to get to said venue- although a couple gigs have been nearby!) Anyhoo, I am full-on, fangirl. And when he’s around me, I literally do stupid shit. I forget basic greetings. I drop shit. Sometimes I curse him. Last year I decided to skip hugging him when he reached out to hug me, and hugged Chris the guitar player instead. In my mind, I guess ‘save the best for last’ but in reality, STEWPIDS. He stills loves me despite me erratic behavior, he actually touched my pants and said, “I love your pants” (they were Kat Von D leggins). Everything is a bit fuzzy afterwards. But every time I meet him I get like, fuzzy. There are many stories, but I won’t get through them all.
6 days ago Bush performed a free live gig, for the launch of Fantracks, a cool interactive stage where you can see bands perform! Seeing as gigs have come to a complete halt in reality, a live stream is the next-best-thing! Of course I tuned in for the Bush performance. But, a couple days prior to the event, a Tweet came in very late in the day, to send in video questions via email, so I quickly put together a 19 second video, but almost gave up emailing it, because the file was too big to send email even at 19 seconds. So naturally, I had to reduce the file size, without reducing the quality, and in the end, tossing it in my Instagram story creator tool, and saving it without actually sharing it, worked better than anything else I could do! Eventually got it emailed, but nearly gave up until I tried the Insta thing! I didn’t think my question would get selected, Bush just dropped a new album, I figured they’d answer those sorts of questions by fans!
Apparently some 125,000 people tuned in for the launch of Fantracks with Bush performing!! I was watching it livestream free, but it’s now available on Video-on-Demand (VOD) for like $1.99 I think. So if you want to see the preshow, the gig, and the aftershow stuff, it’s worth getting!! You’ll get to see the entire show, plus see my fan question!! Anyway, I shared just the Q&A with Gav and me on my Instagram IGTV, and Youtube (see video below)! It’s been an exciting few days!! Are you a Bush fan? Are you into gigging as much as me? Are there any bands you worship? Music is what I am living for. And poetry. =)
Watch my fan question to Gavin Rossdale below!! A YouTube version is also below! This is only my section with Gavin, he answered two other fan questions as well! Mine was question two he answered! So cool that my question was selected and answered!! I love Bush!!! *screams*
And my obsession with my king continues… =) I’m still riding this high!!!Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by Bush Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield – Screenshots taken by me during the aftershow Q&A
Self, Gavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&AGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&A
P.S. I have more photos than what I’ve shared here. And honestly, I could make this entire blog post as long as a book! It feels good to have my tablet full of Bush photos again (even if only this livestream and Q&A)! This year has been a bust! BUT THIS MAKES ME HAPPIES. And I’m feeling some inspiration tickling in these cold veins again… =)
Please hit the like button if you enjoyed this post, or drop me a comment below! I love hearing from you (you do not need to be logged in or a WordPress member to leave comments)!!
First off, WOW, my blog hit 600 followers today and I think that’s a big deal. Especially considering I don’t follow the blogging rules, I’m not a social butterfly, I’m wild and awkward, I haven’t participated in any of the blogger award nominations, I actually read your stuff (as opposed to just hitting like on a flood of your post), and my comments can seem cold and off-putting, or instigating a bit, sarcastic or uncaring. Yo, all I can say is I’m a war vet and dealing with stuffs, loads of stuffs, communication in this phase of my life is hard. But I’m out here still trying to share who I am with you and you’re following me, and like that warms up my icy heart. And sometimes you guys leave me comments that really sink deep into my soul. I’m grateful for that and for you. Honestly your support has kept me going through this depression, I’d be lost without you.
Thank you for finding value in me when facing my family and discovering how toxic they were and how little value they actually had of me, especially after getting out of the army after serving honorably for 15 years. I literally had no support. You guys have seen me get emo, falter, fall, get back up again. You’ve let me share my writings with you, even the ones I was scared to share, which encouraged me to keep writing and to keep sharing. The poems in which I thought wouldn’t have much impact actually had more impact on others than the ones that I thought would carry more weight. Some I write as agony bleeds from my pen, taking careful time and precision, others I freestyle as if it’s the last rhyme I’ll ever write. Time is absolutely irrelevant when it comes to the quality of my poetry.
It doesn’t matter if I take an hour or 5 Seconds, the inspiration flows out all the same. It’s just the ones that are always painstakingly hard to write, aren’t always the ones that get the most attention. The ones that I desperately want people to like aren’t always the ones that get the attention. Or, the size of poem. It matters not. I’ve even pushed myself to write 10 word micro-stories and poems, 25 word micro-poems and stories, and 50 word poetry and stories, and you guys have took to all of them really well! And to be honest, it feels great when my mini stories are well-received because they aren’t easy to write. And all my poetry or stories always have a moral to them. A climax. A decline. A theme. An ending. Purpose. I give words purpose. That’s what I do. And in 200 years it very well may be my legacy.
But now is all that matters. I don’t just write for me anymore, I write for you as well. And by that I mean, you inspire me to keep going, to keep pushing through depression, self-loathing, regrets, sorrow, isolation, suicidal ideations, excessive crying, public mood swings, insomnia, rage, confusion, hate, and even unrequited love. Underneath all that you still see a person worth following. Thank you for reals. I see you. I love you.
P.S. I’m aware a recent poem probably hit really hard but they’re just words, I don’t really hate him, I actually want the best for him and love him and I wish he would actually try to get better and truth is I’m just trying to hurt him the way he’s hurting me. I don’t even want him to be blocked and I wish we were following each other’s blogs & Insta’s again. But, I haven’t got past my own insecurities and seeing him flirt with other girls hurts me to the core, like the very center, which seems to radiate everywhere else in me. And lately the hurt has been flowing out like hot magma, but hopefully when the rage cools down, crust will form over the Earth, flowers will bloom again. Because, the hate doesn’t stop making me love him. Death won’t even do that…
P.S.S. A big shoutout to all my Patrons who are supporting this blog, I am utterly grateful for your encouragement and pledges, you have no idea! I so value your support and your feedback, as a writer it’s invaluable, and the privacy of it allows me to have a “safe place” to write and grow with you. But also, I really need the bread money and your support means I can keep writing on this blog and writing is so therapeutic! It also holds me accountable, and gives my life purpose and meaning. Something many veterans struggle with after returning to civilian life. And I really am trying to give you a lot of value for your money, thank you for believing in me! And for pledging! ❤ I’m getting sobby again. I cry over everything but at least this one is a good cry. 😄
The bigger number, the one nearing 4K, that’s WordPress counting my Twitter and Facebook followers (I don’t think Insta is included in that data but I could be wrong).
If you dig my writing, you can support this blog by becoming a VIP patron on my Patreon campaign (my goal is 25 patrons, we’re 6/25) 😍: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I just got another Patron on my Patreon and it is so empowering to have your support, I am truly grateful! 😍
If you have not checked out my Patreon yet, would you take a minute to do so? It’s super easy to sign up and you can cancel anytime!
If you have been a fan of my writing and this blog, your support would mean a great deal to me! You can show your support by subscribing and I also give my Patrons priority (you can private message me there and I will respond)! ❤️
Thank you for allowing me to push my boundaries and grow as a writer! Thank you for believing in me! ❤️❤️❤️
Hearing his laughter is like an avalanche of joy crashing into my soul
Boulders of despair crumble into the great wide unknown
And for a moment, if I dare, I call this broken rumble home
Wide open spaces on our faces made for places where sadness can atone
His laughter is like God ringing the dinner bell
Depression lifted like a veil
A voice from heaven reaching me in hell
The very reason for happiness as far as I can tell
Hearing him laugh is a great anti-depressant. His happiness is my throne. I’d climb the highest mountain to hear it, if only but for a moment. Is there anyone you love to hear laugh? I freestyle wrote this at 3 am while the world was sleeping cuz I heard a thing with him laugh & like poem erupted so. I love to hear him laugh if that was somehow unclear. 😄
Thank you so much for making 2019 an incredible year for writing. I know there have been bumps and bruises, as such with life, but I am grateful for your visits, for your follows, for your feedback, and for you encouraging me to continue writing! Back in January this year my blog was at 5K, and my goal was to try to get to 10K by the end of the year! My blog just hit 35,000 visits, I am astound! Goal achieved and surpassed! My blog is also nearing over 14,000 visitors, that’s incredible! It still amazes me that I have people that visit my blog and read my poetry!! THANK YOU for giving my life meaning! I have grown as a person so much this year! I am still reflecting back on all the ups and downs and renewing my energy for 2020. I hope to see you in the new year. I wish you all the very best! Happy holidays! xxoo @POEETERNAL
P.S. I am on Instagram and Twitter under my pen POEETERNAL if you’d like to give me a follow. It’s pretty much the only social media networks I regularly visit. Though I am still a ghost on other platforms, I rarely use them.
The shape of you Appears in a dream Like a butterfly of hope Encasing over me Like the colors of a rainbow Love flows in through a stream And nightmares of us ending Break away at the seam Pictures of us together Paint a different theme
When you let some punks send you into hiding and then you return to the internet lands with zero followers
Yes, an official Tweet by Val Kilmer LOVING my pen!!! As a writer, win!!!!
So panic mode naturally because I thought I lost my king following me…
But my king and Bush still follow me!!!! 😍*remembers worth* “Be happy, it’s a choice”. A man of so few words but oh so wise If you don’t think Gavin has seen the worse of me, you’d be wrong. Birthday loves oh my effing god my king well he sees me yes he does, I exist, I exist!!!
This isn’t like our only interactions, I just remembered that his love is everything. I may be small on the totem pole but I’m on the fucking pole.
And I’ve got my Twitter followers coming in now saying they still have me so happy happy joy joy.
I dropped a 10-minute thread on Tuners about the importance of followers and likes (free app to listen and use, no download needed to listen): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
For my muse – there’s only ever been the one
He evokes poetry on the tongue
He puts words in my thumb
He makes the darkness go numb
He makes the daylight come
A visual walking masterpiece
He sees through the worst of me
He lives in a world I’ll never be able to cross into
A star so bright he can pierce through –
Any structure, any crack or dark avenue
He’s teaching me how to be human too
He suffers the way you and I do
I hate it but it’s true
An archangel of the highest order –
Though probably not a title he’d gladly hoarder
I see him in a different color
Where blackness is always duller
His mind is so expanse he’s more than genius
His message is love just like Jesus 🙂
He should be my life thesis 🙂
(Fuck, he’ll probably see this) 🙂
((I’m not trying to start a war I promise))
BUT I AM FUCKING GLAD FOR HIS EXISTENCE
Well, he’s perfect yes
Even when he’s not at his best
And so yeah, I love him more than all the rest
I’m sorry if that will put you to the test
I am not a threat
Respect, admiration, freelove
It’s a gift from above
(I am just a little dove)
And so I am thankful forever of..
“HAPPY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD” inspired by Alexander Ebert 1000% of the time (photo edits by me)
How many of you would watch Survivor CBS if I got cast on it? It’s a possible “what if” cuz I’m actively auditioning for it. ALOT. 3 auditions in 1 year with a 4th incoming! I keep blowing my auditions & casting calls, I gotta ace this 4th attempt!! But, the very first rule of Survivor is never give up! And I ain’t! I am more determined than ever to get on and show these players how this game needs to be played!!! It’s THE BEST GAME ON EARTH. GET ME ON THE SHOW, PLEASE RECRUIT ME SURVIVOR CBS!
I can’t tell you how badly I want to play this game…yes I can, I can go on and on and on cuz, GOALS. (It’s not about fame, that isn’t my objective. I want to be SOUL SURVIVOR and go home with that million-dollar prize). It is the number 1 show still on CBS, but the best game ever and I am a huge gamer). I really get into gameplay. 🙂
I went to a Survivor casting call this year. Plus submitted TWO video auditions. I have terrible stage fright and keep blowing them. Getting ready for a 4th audition, wish me luck!!! Myself and Dan from Season 37 at the Survivor auditions April (2019). They actually said I’d be perfect for the show. 😆Self with 3 Survivor players and Zeke (far right) was auditioning like me. Zeke and I have stayed in contact! He lives near me. 😊I waited hours to get my 60 seconds and I blew it. I forgot everything I was supposed to say and didn’t use my full 60 Seconds. Stage fright ugggggg!!!!! Finally, my turn next after hours of waiting in line. I nearly peed myself. These are all from my Instagram and you can revisit my stories & wall, I have a SURVIVOR story tab and a few post on my wall. With better shots. This is how I’ve escaped the “you can only apply to Survivor one time a year” rule. Survivor CBS will lift it. And that’s pretty much what’s going on now so I can get a fourth audition in. My first time applying was Halloween of 2018 so technically it’s been 1 year now. My casting call was in April. And I will drive to another casting call as well if they have one nearby. GETTING ON THIS SHOWThat’s what Dan was saying to me as he was filming me filming him HAHA. He’s hot stuffs, you should go check out his Instagram. I was in Jessica Peet’s story, she was a castaway on Survivor!!! She also said I would be great for the show. Dan! Y’all have no idea how hard it is for me to socialize, but that’s part of the great challenge of playing Survivor, it’s not about being the strongest player and winning all the challenges because if the players won’t vote for you in the end you won’t be a soul survivor, it’s just as much a social game, as it is physical. But, I’m facing my fears and reaching for the stars and planets. MY TURN TO AUDITION FOR SURVIVOR CBS, SMILE!!! I drove I think for an hour to get to the casting call and I got there really early in the morning and the line was already extremely long and I made it on the news as well! LOL That’s the third time I’ve made the news in my life. Albeit, this time more brief. People find love on Survivor y’all. LOVE. GET ME ON THE SHOW! I went live at the casting call LOL Survivor players plus myself at the casting call
So what I’ve learned is, it’s not that I’m not good enough to be on the show, it’s just I’m not exactly what they need for that particular season yet. You have to keep auditioning because you might be exactly what they need for an upcoming season. So, I nearly gave up and lost hope but the first rule of Survivor is never give up! 😆
Follow me on my socials if you wanna see more of what I’m up to. I’ve mostly kept my blog about my writing. I’m more transparent on my Twitter and Insta (@POEETERNAL).
So, I hope you enjoyed these behind-the-scene photos of my life. ☺
Beginnings in endings
Soft steps of destiny
Like pillows for the needing
Love letters for the mending
Like lovers when they’re healing
When time is for the stealing
Your kiss is the life I missed
Your kiss will stop the apocalypse
When love is like an eclipse
When doubts are in the abyss
When safety it is this
When silence are my lips
Home is your kingdom in my heart
When worlds come together, not apart
When my hand is your start
Where your step is the best part
Your existence my art
Where my love will never depart
I’m stunned my blog is nearing 25K, it just hit 20K! APPRECIATION POST COMES WITH SMILES! THANK YOU ALL FOR READING MY POEMS!!!! Below lies a happy Poe, errr Delia.
peace, luvs, happiness
I may not be perfectsI’m worth about twenty cents currently…Maybe a quarter if I count my pennies…. 🤓
My dreams are the color of your eye
My pillow is the softness of your lie
My blanket is the breath under your sigh
My will existed the moment you said hi
My sun shines whenever you are near
My day starts when I have you here
My heart is protected in your sphere
My love is in the atmosphere
My wish was granted the day you noticed me My truth is written here to see My dare is to never watch you leave My coven are the hopes that you weave
I live in a land of monsters and men
Signs paving the way for our sins
Highways of hell where the ends always end
Because I can never match her perfection
Wild and unfairing
Another world warm and caring
One less despairing
A womb for repairing
A cosmic tail stretching in dominion
Together, they form a new religion
Words without meaning or definition
It keeps both their spirals spinning
She who lives behind a camera lens
Who gets to peer his faded gems
An inspiration for the words he pens
The very route my soul can cleanse
Can a moment go uncaptured
Where not written in her chapter
His smile an awakening and the rapture
Both freedom and the captor
I find safety in his happiness
For this is how the world is meant
If only love were permanent
And shared with those less fortunate
I follow him like a shooting star into a valley of wishes
My hard exterior is now submissive
My heart wider and less constricted
I hope she is all he predicted
Life teaches us multiple lessons He has the magnitude of a million sessions Yet only one needs my confession Without a doubt, he is perfection
Mountains of misery disappear When he draws near Happiness is a new frontier Deserts are flooded into an ocean There rising in the flood is my devotion In every direction I feel emotion Waves of joy as his magic potion Softer now becomes the shore A smile is always his best decor He always leaves you wanting more He fixes what is broken in your core
Moments to cherish
Fractions of seconds
Blinks in a lifetime
Starry soul treasure
Residing forever
These moments together
As light as a feather
Your beautiful weather
You bring many pleasure
An endless presence
A holy reference
Made from the divine
And to joy a lifeline
To everyone the sunrise
To me the skyline
And inside every rhyme
Where love will never perish
He looks at me and I exist
I form curves
The air in my lungs thicker
Wings for floating
Thoughts are clearer
I see beauty
I feel as a cloud
Ethereal and living
Pain is forgiven
Depression isn’t winning
Reasons for breathing
I breathe in divinity
I taste love
Chats & hugs from my King Gavin Rossdale (from Bush) on my birthday THANK YOU UNI Blurry and I care nots!
Forget the riches, life is vicious, get out the ditches, pick up the pieces, keep on reaching, march on speaking, build new bridges, drop suspicion, clear your vision, trust the mission, life enriches, keep repeating!
Confession
I fell, I stumbled hard
I completely fucked up his yard
And then I posted guard
Giggling and prancing about
Mostly being quiet but then I’d randomly shout
Can’t you see my sorrow or that I’m filled with doubt
And then I thought I heard some spoken word
It may have been a dream it may have been a bird
No no no I know what I heard
And further more I’d lose the road
As more and more his words had flowed
And less and less my step had slowed
Different voices with many tones
With different sorrows and different bones
And various speeds and different zones
My soul entranced, my heart felt home
And under his tree my mind did roam
Perhaps to places that weren’t my own
And maybe seeing things I shouldn’t have
Because even though I see I never did ask
But under his sun I remain and bask
And would you know one day I saw his eyes
I saw his lips I heard his lies
And I cared not about his disguise
I saw through it all I was paralyzed
And I remained though cut down a size
I make mistakes and get chastised
And fear expulsion from his garden
His lips have left me hopeful yet starvin’
And into his tree I keep carving
A spell for him and a spell for me
And into the hours I continue to dream
I just hope his eyes can see what I see
And I do only wish him the very best things
And to give him the space to spread his wings
There’s a river of love from where he sings
I can be the stone from which he springs
I wish he knew how much happiness he brings
PoeEternal 