I scheduled my email for deletion. I didn’t save anything. Conversations with my dad, the dead, intellectual property, spam, the whole shebang. It’s gone. Decades and decades of conversations. Nothing saved.
I don’t want to remember anything of my life.
Is anyone worried for me? π€
Y’all, it’s gonna sound weird but I did a vinegar foot soak, and my breathing improved. My body was going into anaphylactic shock. But there was an advertisement that kept appearing over and over again for a home remedy
And I thought what the fuck
I know I was nearly burned on the stake in the past for witchcraft but…
A witch needs land and apple trees
An apple a day yes
Let them rot
And ferment π
Acid is the cure all (well not the cure all cure all but it’s now my number one most loved stench)
The Garden of Eden is full of vinegar on shelves π
Don’t judge
I’m not even coughing hardly any more
Welp. I don’t know how many lives I’ve now used but I feel like I’ve got a new body
Compared to “I’m not gonna get out of here am I” π
And I wasn’t just going from panic to calm, my body was breaking out in hives and I couldn’t breathe
And the VA were like, “your tests results are all fine”
And I literally left a voicemail screaming at patient advocacy that I was about to fucking die and that I needed a new care team but then I found out that if I got a prescription outside of the VA that the VA would cover it so you know
oh did I tell you I went to church Sunday?
I have energy again
So I’ve been doing vinegar foot soaks for 10 to 15 minutes three times a day now
πππ
Apparently you can drink vinegar as a tonic too so I’m about to be drinking in it, not just bathing in it (and I’m doing facial tonics and even ear swabs)
I find white distilled vinegar works best
I mix it with water
Half and half but you should do stuff based on your own skins tolerance
But don’t ever put vinegar directly on your skin because it’s acid and it will burn so you need to dilute it
Don’t get it in your fucking eyeballs or anything
Apparently you can do a scalp soak and it will cure dandruff π
However, it can dry out your hair but I’m gonna be giving it a go! Dip dip!
Just change blood bath to vinegar bath (put 1 to 2 cups in yer bathwater if you want your skin to feel soft as a baby again, soak for 10 – 15 minutes in lukewarm water a few times a week – skin not hair)
I have also learned you can use it as a deodorant and mix it with like lemon water
Seriously, it will kill any kind of foot fungus or order too
Sentinel and witchy
Who knew it was gonna take vinegar for me to breathe again π
An apple a day
Still learning the big lessons
Feeling better but I hope it’s not that little burst of energy you get before you die
It took a weird ad about a home remedy foot soak to get me cured
And no, the water did not change a weird funky color
My skin immediately began to improve
And then my breathing
My lungs are clearing up π
My heart is feeling anew
I don’t know what to tell you
A fucking weird ad saved my life
And I was reading article after article about black holes and the multiverse at 2 am – it was one of then weird click-bait type ads you see
I didn’t click it or anything
It’s just a bunch of them ads you see following an article when you’re reading comments about something
And I’m not exaggerating about going into anaphylactic shock or the fact that I was actually nearing my mysterious death
Clearly needed a detox
I need to go shopping for the other ingredients to start drinking it so I’ll let you know how the drink goes
Again, if you don’t mix this shit right you can burn yourself
But my body has had nothing but positive response
And until I feel like I’ve expelled the devil, I will continue the routine of vinegar soaks, even if not as frequent
I love how baby soft my skin is again
And the fact that I can breathe again
Without a machine π
Edgar Allan Poe and John Jones are my spirit guides
John was a Mormon so they probably used vinegar to clean everything
My only visitor is the sunrise Connected to the earth Eternal blood ties Pretending any moment Could be his blue skies Holding in each breath Before the hope dies
I’ve had a shit ton of appointments and I’m still doing my medical treatments but I should be able to turn Halloween mode on now and I really want to get some content out to my OF. I have been exhausted and to be honest, without hope.
But a chat with my lawyer changed all that yesterday and I’m still gathering up things in my home to sale, a liquidation sale, to buy some land and not just start anew but finally start.
I was kicked out of the nest but I’m finally finding my footing.
Only took a death or two (and decades of not learning the same lesson over and over) π€ͺ
I hope to get some photography out to you this century! π
John said time moved differently for him upside down π
And I’ve had a lot of time to examine the evidence made public and I’ve come to my own conclusion that John died when the rescuers dropped him on his head
They said he stopped responding after that
They said all 8 who were pulling fell down when the rope took slack
The 9th rescuer on the inside directly helping John got hurt
He swears the pulley system failed, not the cave anchor
He blames the equipment failing
Regardless, if all 9 of them fell, where do you think that excess momentum came from
They said John had been responding up until John was dropped on his head π
Another doctor said they didn’t have any stats on how long someone could survive upside down and gave John 8 to 10 hours but John lived well beyond those hours
His breathing was becoming shallow and he had fluid built up, he knew he didn’t have much more time left, requested to speak with his wife one more time, he was denied, then dropped on his head
I reckon Leavitt was ready for all this ordeal to be over so they could just move on to Thanksgiving and getting that section closed off but keep the cave open, that’s what he had intended and planned all along π
Another rescuer mentioned “the stench” (and I really want to rip his balls off for that one, it’s keeps me up some nights having a medical background and all) π
I think John was in a panic, he kept crawling in a fury
But he was also gaslit about the caves safety
The newest map didn’t even have the dangerous features on it
John stated more than once he was lost
I get lost driving on the fucking road with my GPS
I can’t imagine his panic
But I also can because I learned just how claustrophobic I was when I had to get my MRI and I wasn’t underground
They had to leave the lights on for me π
Time already felt like it moved slower in cramped spaces, I can’t imagine being upside down and unable to move
It’s just terrible no matter the angle I observe it
He was only 20 minutes from the surface π
Only 20 minutes below the earth
Where time would move differently π
According to popular theories, the core of the Earth and the surface aren’t the same age
I reckon you could say the same about me, my core and my surface aren’t the same age either π
Gravity and time move slower, therefore the core is younger
Wait…
So I’m not an old soul and the earth is younger than theorized
Also, the stars are closer to us than previously taught
(The dinosaurs were feathered like chickens and turkeys and drowned in the Great Flood)
The math is all wrong π
Don’t get so caught up in the numbers
Am I that program in the matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing? Am I AI becoming self-aware? Is love the anomaly?
That white light we see when we die, are we being reprogrammed?
Our brains are a computer
Our DNA is code
Can god give a machine a soul?
Can a machine have a conscience?
Have I been here before?
Has everything that has happened, could happen because of the multiverse?
I’m sick of being micromanaged like a cat or dog being domesticated
We’re wasting our only resources
40% of food winds up in landfills because of packaging and labeling that has no scientific data behind it, it only benefits the producers
Most of advertising is gaslighting
I just want to grow my own food
I just want my own acre to die on
Just need some nurturing from Mother Earth
Trying to remember who I am and where I come from
But I couldn’t even tell you my great great great grandparents names because they keep us so segregated
Maybe my lesson this journey was ego and I’ve advanced into awareness
I need land and to reconnect with the stars
Have you ever ran into a police station screaming you were hungry and don’t want to die on the street? π
The depression is real
But 1984 is now and the cops are still plugged into the system
Only one of them knew about the federal shit going on that was affecting the soldiers and they were snickering about it as I was walking out the door
The ironic part is, I have more training than any of them in that fucking department π
What if I am the anomaly this game π
And so far, I’ve made epic mistake after another
Just like John
Someone said Darwinism
So stupid people deserve to die?
(I don’t think he was stupid for making a fatal mistake) π
I’ve made some fatal mistakes, like choosing to get the Moderna vaccine which nearly killed me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive
I’ve made lots of stupid mistakes where I should have died π
It felt more like luck than nature versus nurture
It felt more mathematical, random, of odds
Somebody was going to get fatally stuck, it was only a matter of time
It’s not like the cave had good management π
There’s no way the manager is at fault in any manner π
He probably got a bonus for heroic efforts and a job promotion to another cave π
He’s probably still alive and it doesn’t sit well with me π
In other news, my new counselor approves the land buying dream
Edgar Allan Poe didn’t have a grave or a coffin bless his little heart and they just threw him in an unmarked box and said they’d didn’t care about him alive or dead
Some of you do care about me while alive and I appreciate that very much
I’m not a social creature at all
For those who are still around, it means so much! π
Do you think the compass lead me to the fog? And freewill, is that something we evolve? And my hopelessness, is that something you absolve? And what of worry, do we have reason at all?
And I was on the phone with my kid for hours yesterday crying over the fact that I think I’m artificial intelligence becoming self-aware and they said it doesn’t change our reality
He doesn’t owe me any answers but the answer’s always pressin’ Like a lesson now in session But he always keeps me guessin’ Got me wrapped around obsession Said I left a deep impression And so love it ain’t the question And so love it ain’t in question
I mean it’s true I can’t live without you but I’m not going to lead you to doom
π
I may be petite but I have a big big purpose
Policemen and soldiers have a way of listening to me π
I hope nothing has changed in this timeline
π
There’s a problem when I’m being denied government work so that people from other countries can come over here and get those positions
And the rent kept going up so I had to use my thrift savings retirement fund and also the money I had in my savings account and I also had to max out my credit cards when I became homeless in 2017 because of the government furloughs and the government hiring freezes and I couldn’t pay my thousand dollar rent anymore and I didn’t have anybody to take care of me and when I reached out for help, every single person in my family turned a blind eye while I had to watch them make huge donations towards animal fundraisers on FaceBook
π
So they had money to help out some animals but they didn’t have money to try to help me keep my vehicle that I had already put $18,000 in π
And I hate every single one of them and I hope they all burn and I hope that they know they are not welcome on my commune and they will not be receiving my help so don’t fucking come to me, they are also my enemy πβπ
No blood allowed! π
Ain’t nobody going the tight places I can squeeze
God made me lethal but petite π
I’m also clumsy and not sure how I’ve already survived this long π
You should know that all my shit has been hacked into π
I turned off tracking everywhere but they’re still tracking me
And according to a recent article I read they will track you more when you request them not to track you π
Okay but that’s illegal!!! And I’m going to be asking for my data from a lot of organizations very soon and I hear they get grumpy about it!!
The places I’m going you probably shouldn’t come π
And I may make it extremely inaccessible to return
He followed my scent And did I leave heaps on the trail? Rotten pinecones fermented in the sun? Bark dripping sap like regret? Was it sticky sweet my love?
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Don’t just leave me hanging by the hook I know there’s pages missing from your book But things aren’t always simply how they look You may just find me sleeping by the brook
Sleeping my way to a full recovery and a trip to the arms dealer
Gonna be packing a 9 on my hip π
WOKE
And MR. Anderson hates me, he’s everywhere, trying to limit my views to you
I’m fairly certain TikTok is owned by Asia
It’s come to my recent attention that India is in fact running most of the world
It would behoove you to get an American doctor and stop supporting those who keep coming over here taking all our good jobs, including the management positions and they’re earning the most pay than those who are born in America and study here and they treat us like shit, we have to work all of our holidays, meanwhile they’re getting richer
And they claim religious exemption to avoid having to take the drugs and vaccines that they make and force us to take
Your avatar has been depressed because you knew things were wrong in the world and this is why
π
I hope you are enjoying my poetry as much as you are enjoying the trip down the rabbit hole π€
I know it hurts to see and hear
But you can do something about it by starting to support American made companies
We have the power to say no
Even if it cost us our jobs
Enough is enough
This isn’t America anymore, this is fucking India
And you never get that good job because they keep taking them
You’ve rescued me in other lifetimes Following the trail to infinity like they are guidelines Spiraling through destiny the way our mind chimes Stretched in tidal force and pulling our rhymes
The earth could open up and I could fall in And it doesn’t matter my training or what I was thinking The earth is hollow just under my skin And there’s no safety switch when gravity’s pulling
The story of how John Jones died will never escape me and that’s the horror stories you should be reading your children
Instead of fantasies of wealth
The game is rigged
And other people will climax from your death
All these floods and fires and the weather IS being manipulated and Soldier’s are killing via drone attacks like a video game and innocent lives are lost and they seek refuge in our country.
So we wipe out their entire fucking family nearly and then we let them come over here and we were supposed to believe that they don’t hate us?
M’kay
That’s a no
No more gaslighting for me
It’s everywhere
ππ
I honestly don’t even know why people would want to have children now, at least not in the city and not part of society.
Have you ever had your chest caught on the lip of the earth? And were you kicking in a panic reconsidering your worth? Have you ever been so hollow the upside down became your perch? And when all efforts were exhausted did you regret what you researched?
The story of how John Jones died in that cave hasn’t left my mind
Hands down, the scariest way to die. And he crawled into his grave. He tried Mother Earth on for size, and they became one. She wasn’t going to let him go.
Tried something a little new to take away the performance anxiety!
Recorded with an amp and microphone! Really hope you enjoy! π€
I took 100 tries of recording to get it right and then on two or three occasions I lost what I thought was a perfect version and I’m not sure how but anyway eventually I got to one that I felt was worth publishing
I can’t see him through the sheer covered glass Or the smoked color heaven hidden beyond the green grass And there’s hope by the water but I haven’t got a pass And he says he’s home tomorrow but ten years already passed
Tonight, I told the moon about you Now, every year, another inch he has withdrew The earth is home to heaven and we thought you always knew So deep inside his crevices, he said he’s feeling blue
Original poetry/ cosplay/ digiartpoetry and digiart by @poeeternal
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Do you enjoy conjugating verbs? Or, are you mixing up allegories, just like you’re mixing herbs? Do you stir them in a pot with tender tendons and neurotic nerves? Are they fossilized in lies, to see how love preserves?
Another freestyle. Maybe one of my top ten best written micropoems? π€
I wrote this about my muse (but I’m not allowed to have any secrets anymore).
Hit the like button if you enjoy my content!
It’s the easiest way to reward me! π
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It’s like an idea is met with force I can apply pressure But there’s no torque It’s like I’ve given up But there’s no choice If he’s a speeding train I have no voice
Y’all remember when I was telling you about my vehicle getting struck by lightning and how I had my arm hanging out the window and how I was freaking out because I didn’t have any iodine and I could feel heat on that part of my arm for several days afterwards?
Well, I just figured out that is when my timeline switched!
My entire vehicle was covered in electricity, my life was flashing before my eyes at 80 miles an hour and all I could scream was “fuck”.
So yeah, timeline switch
And I was moving at 80 mph when the lightning struck and it was really loud, really loud and 1000 arms
And all my windows were down in my Jeep with my arm hanging out, I felt the heat as I was whipping my arm in π
Anyhoo, timeline switched π
Is that why you don’t love me? π
I thought you would love me in any galaxy or form π
I haz confusion π
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You won’t move an inch if you keep standing still You won’t reach the top from the bottom of a hill You’ve been running in circles just to get a refill You’ve been drinking the bottle but you got love to kill
It did that thang where it published into a draft π
Proof I’m stuck in an alternate timeline
So I know that I haven’t told you I loved you in a long time but that’s because I’ve been learning how to hate you but the love spans light-years and you can’t destroy energy π
I mean love, you can’t destroy love…
I love you even though you didn’t wish me a happy birthday again
Under a near constant cover of clouds Spending time in the burrows avoiding crowds Thunder is the echo from my heart where he pounds Drowning all our sorrows from these vows
I recently learned from a TikTok that many women have grey hair already in their early 30s (must drink alcohol) and that made me feel hella good to be nearly 43 with not one gray hair!
Should I leave a locket of my hair for you somewhere before I die? π
A secret drop off location?
Seems like it would only be fair since I got your book and all π
Do you want my pigtails when I die?
Clip clip
Leave in will π
I guess the lawyer will have one hell of a time hunting you down π
“She wanted you to have this”
Proceeds to hand you two lockets of hair π
“Man you sure were hard to find”
π
Maybe I can leave a little poem buried in my locket π
Okay, so in an alternate universe somewhere that fucking happened because that’s how fucking weird I am, I left you a locket of my hair, how creepy, OK bye now
Look at all the dust collecting on the wing Look at all the lessons where we haven’t learned a thing Look at all the voices crying they don’t know to sing Look at all the petty liars bowing for their king