What happened to you, why did you leave? The ocean fills with tears I grieve, I searched for you ’til I found void, I fell for you ‘cuz I’m not poised!
It feels weird to use full on punctuation in my poetry but one of the main reasons I stopped doing it was because someone from another country said it doesn’t translate well in a translator with punctuation and I took that whole heartedly into consideration, secondly poetry is supposed to be freeform and I like to just not use rules because there seems to be a lot of rules for there to not be any… (gaslighting is everywhere huh)
Y’all, I have nearly died on him and he hasn’t ghosted me yet.
I went from young and wistful to 94 years old and knocking on my grave overnight and that still hasn’t pushed him away.
He’s still into me half-dead
And I’ve shared weird thoughts and had innocent embarrassing moments and like… he ain’t gone.
I know I live in a land of fantasy but he gives my sky color
I don’t even like the real world
I went to the park today at high noon, and spent the afternoon with a wild, sable duck grooming himself, eating, yawning, and napping. I saw a duck yawn. I never knew I needed to see that until I saw. 👇
So if you ever wondered what you’d find at the end of the rainbow, it’s this. ❤️
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I’m so deprived and devoid of life, that even if he was a predator, I’d let him eat me! 😩
Or, maybe that’s just suicidal, welp 😩
Helps 😑
He said it’s just fantasy and they all tire of me quickly
Most take one look and run! 😫
I wish the need didn’t feel so real
I need him like air 👀
*dies on street* 😩
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I hope I can start rebounding again soon! Been down over 2 months! 😩
I take a clue then cut it into pieces I make a square just to see how it will fit I am a pupil and adapt to what he teaches But there’s no lessons for me ever to submit
I watch to see how space and time increases And if there’s information that I should omit I’ll spin in circles until my breathing wheezes I guess we’ll find that I’m just illiterate
This was not the direction I was wanting the poem to go at all but the truth is living with a brain injury gets very confusing and I can take conversation to the left field in no time and I often feel aloof and lost because sometimes I’ll just completely forget what we were even talking about while we are talking… 👀
I think I’m dumb
Like that Nirvana song 👀
Completely put together vs completely torn apart in a matter of seconds
Imagine standing in front of a classroom and being the instructor but then having to ask the class what we were talking about 👀
Now put it in a smaller setting and add anxiety and people 👀
Or, talking to your crush and acting a proper idiot, I’ve done them all 👀
No officer, not high, just stupid 👀
It’s embarrassing being so dumb 👀
And the doctors don’t seem to understand that being a writer who can’t spell is a problem for me 👀
And it’s not that I can’t spell, it’s that I can’t even form words or remember names, it’s all these things 👀
I tell them I’m losing my mind but you know, I don’t think people can hear me at all 👀
Most people make me cry when I act stupid but not him 👀
The way he deals with my stupidness and my insecurities makes me want to do the naughties instead of cry 👀
I like him a lot 👀
Just waiting for him to dump me in the trash the way everybody else does when they’re disappointed with me or annoyed by my inexperience 👀
But sometimes I’m running away because I think he deserves something better than already dying and half dead 👀
Unless you’re into necrophilia, it’s kind of the closest and most legal thing 👀
I have a walking cane and I wear pigtails 👀
Where’s the AA meeting for, “hi, my name is Delia and I identify as young”?
Jim Morrison identified as a lizard, I identify as a kid. 👀
I’m not allowed to act like a kid but I could split my tongue, tattoo my entire body into lizard skin, tattoo my eyeballs, and hiss at people 👀
I’m definitely in the wrong timeline, the doctors don’t understand my level of paranoia 👀
I have guys trying to kidnap me in broad daylight just for being petite and cute 👀
I guess I’ve been asking for it since the day I was born 👀
Can’t even be myself 👀
Okay, it’s 3 am and my favorite time and need the moonshine
Not the alcohol, the Moon!!!!!!
I don’t fucking drink
I’m part of the 1% of the population that is not an alcoholic 👀
I’m on some sort of awakening journey or path but I also feel increasingly detached from society and more or less on a different or alternate timeline
Maybe knowing all them things before they happened came at a cost
What if I’m in the wrong timeline? 👀
What if other versions of me do exist and I tap into this knowledge
Like that’s how I’m able to know things before they happen 👀
What if I’m stuck in the wrong timeline
I’m not the only one experiencing weird things happening
Many have brought up the Mandela effect, others have said CERN opened up a portal (lol lol I know) but bizarre things have been happening
I mean, before they denied the existence of planet nine and it was my generation who said it existed and now the scientists are saying it’s possibly a black hole
Oh, and the Unicorn black hole – which has mysteriously popped up only 1.5 light-years away
The fucking unicorn 👀
And don’t get me started on the evils of CERN
Been doing loads of juice, nuts, and bread
Went on the Jesus diet 👀
I love the Publix bakery 👀
Anyhoo sea salt on everything 👀
People are always telling me not to eat bread and salt so it’s all I eat now 👀
I’ve gone Biblical 👀
I need a robe 👀
And a dungeon to hide in so I don’t get crucified for knowing too much 👀
And so I can randomly howl at the moon 👀
Actually, I can’t howl very well currently (wounded)
But my bitch radar is overheating
I gotta chill
I mean, I have been hurting and I gotta leave my house every five seconds to attend a medical appointment
Me no likey
Basically half dead and clinging to life
Bet some oxygen would’ve helped heal my heart but where’s the money to be made in that 👀
They actually want to stress my heart out and put it in more stress than it’s already under by giving it a stress test – Not once but twice and on different days
They wanna pump me full of chemicals to piss off my heart more than it already is
They want to give me a heart attack
👀
Can you feel yourself falling when you sleep? Gravity
Sagittarius A* 👀
Our mind is programmed to see only certain realities – If we see things in constant motion as they are because everything is energy and it’s always moving – it would really freak us out
But some of us are tuned to different frequencies and vibrations
Which is also why music and things are important because everything costs energy
And some people get hung up on jobs or family relationships when they should let them go because it costs you too much of your energy
It took me a long time to learn that lesson
And basically nothing is what it seems and fame is used as a distraction to keep you from the truth
That you are a slave, Neo 👀
(And they mock our existence with religion and porn)
Shame that many just don’t have the courage to wake up
Feeling increasingly paranoid and withdrawn and it’s only 5:43 AM. How’s your day going?
If you’re walking on egg shells, it’s molten around here 👀
In 2019 some Australians decided to go with a tour company hike up a volcano and the tour guide was like “yeah it’s a level two currently” and these people didn’t know anything about volcanoes but the tour guide was like “it’s currently a level 2, level 3 is exploding” and then the Volcano exploded and the rescue helicopter company right next to the tour guide didn’t come pick up any of the hikers on the volcano that was exploding, it was some random helicopter that decided to play rescue and hero and a lot of people died on that volcano 🌋 in 2019, a lot of people died…
It’s basically the Titanic everywhere, and buildings are falling down 3 1/2 hours from me 👀
The tour company took them hiking on a level 2 volcano and the rescue company didn’t come rescue them when the volcano went off 👀
People got burned
People died
The rescue company left them on an erupting volcano
And the mayors and the governors who pretend they give a fuck about us, they’re just playing an acting role
The White Island Volcano eruption – that’s you (the volcano) and me consistently climbing up while you’re erupting
A level 3 volcano and me hop scotching along with the tour guide
👀
But if a tour guide took me on a level two volcano that turned into a level three, he’d probably get kicked into the fucking volcano 👀
I ain’t out there doing tours during an apocalypse tho
I’m not suicidal enough to go hiking up an active volcano tho
But I am homicidal enough to get into fights with the gas station clerk
What’s weird is when you’re actually trying to be reachable but you’re not.
And also, when you feel your life could be shut at any moment and there’d be nothing left to say.
So you actually have lots of things that you need to say but you’re not getting through
And part of the reason could be your own fault because you block people
Or, the fact that everything we’re saying is being tracked right now and stored on a private server – and they control what we’re going to do through advertising – they also control the flow of information – that we’re basically slaves to them and consumerism but most people don’t care because they are narcissist and they don’t believe in anything therefore I guess they get off on being a monster!?!?
Do you remember what communicating was like back in the 90s? I mean, when you had to page people or ride your bike to a payphone?
There would be mass panic if communication systems were destroyed but do y’all know that stuff is happening out there – pipe lines and hacks and oh my fucking God I’m getting ready to take my communication back to that sort of level anyway because I’m reaching new levels of paranoia with the shadowbans and toxicity of social media in general and blocking hayfever
Blocking hayfever is that like a thing that I just coined or if I Google it does it already exist because I hate coming up with ideas that have already been thought of already, it’s been a huge disappointment throughout my entire life. I can remember coming up with ideas when I was like 10 and someone already had come up with that idea and Google didn’t even exist
I would say people today have it easier but they’re being controlled and in 200 years will cursing even exist?
Because I don’t want to live in a future where freedom of speech is under threat but yet freedom of speech is under threat as I speak
The New World order are closing in and they have us surrounded.
Oh fuck man
I’ve always been afraid of heights but I think I’m equally afraid of pits. Still, go further in.
Dig
Go under
If you want to know what’s inside a black hole, just die, because it’s the same thing.
Light enters our eye and never leaves. When you die, the color in your eye also goes. No more information can get through.
But they do say the brain has activity for several minutes after you die and we don’t really know how long that really is and we don’t really know much about consciousness do we? But we do know energy can’t be destroyed so your energy goes somewhere.
I’m circling way too close to the event horizon of my own death.
They say there’s seven levels of consciousness (this thang) 👇
I mean, I’m pretty certain I’ve met them all
Miracle to still be alive 🤔
But currently in lots of pain – was trying to clean up – Nearly put my heart into something I couldn’t get it out of and I’m not dying at the ER I won’t be calling 911
Would rather die by the ocean or outside or the forest – or home
No hospitals
No embalming
No organ donation
No funeral
No cremation
Just a box please. The cheapest one y’all can scurry. It doesn’t need a case.
I can be buried on my own land so I’m trying to stay alive for that OK and it’s cheaper to buy land and quicker to get a piece of land than it is to try to get onto the housing market and whatever
I’d rather just live in my jeep you know – nomad
I’ll just buy a camper and travel around Florida live at different campgrounds move around
I am fucking done with being a renter
😑
Or I’ll join the homeless crew in California you know they have an entire section called Skid Row
I wouldn’t last five minutes on the streets but whatever
Being a girl basically has been men trying to fuck me since I was born
And have been..
We’re nothing more than fucking sex objects
And I don’t really give a fuck about stuff
I mean I do because I’m a baby hoarder but
My ride is the thing I appreciate the most
I guess second up would be my intellectual property
What, what. No reverse that lol
But is intellectual property comparative to like a fucking vehicle? 🧐
I mean a jaguar probably does have more value than my life 😑
I mean the CDC already valued what our worth was when they decided for us that whoever got hurt with heart inflammation was worth the risk because they certainly didn’t let 60% of the population know that beforehand and many have died or been wounded like me and like my life is teetering on the line as we fucking speak and I may not recover but I wasn’t given all the facts about these vaccines and the CDC withheld information to us and they said they knew it was going to cause a certain amount of heart inflammation but that they thought it would happen in a lower number than what it did so they made the decision for us what our lives where worth
We all have the same value to them
How many billionaires and millionaires have been vaccinated? 🤔
Whatever
I need foodz
GTG
But also my TikTok’s are starting to get some views so I can breathe again
I mean yesterday I had one up for like three hours and it didn’t get one view so that bitch got destroyed
I also got in trouble for sharing the TikTok on my Instagram wall – it didn’t like me using Nirvana but that track was pulled from TikTok like all the other songs I use IN the app.
But I’m scared to share another one on my Instagram wall
😑
Whatever
You still blocked and everything’s my fault
😑
I don’t know how I’ve known tragic events to happen before they do but I do…
Predictions
A prophet
There are a lot of people out there that know because they were there and I said things and then they happened
Being who I truly am around others has never been easy for me and conforming in school or being forced to be a certain way is not something that’s be an easy path for me
Dying is fucking hard, I’ve been trying to get my affairs in order 👀
I always knew I was gonna die from heart troubles 👀
Told my kid that it’s not actually junk, it’s just all out and about 👀
My intellectual property is chaos 👀
That bill may be poetry scribbled 👀
I do it on toilet paper too 👀
Paper napkins 👀
Nothing is junk 👀
Although I could do with less clothes 👀
But I don’t actually know how to part with anything 👀
My kid said it’s because we’re poor and will never get it again 👀
Psychological and I do place attachments on things 👀
It’s not a t-shirt with a hole, it’s a memory 👀
And instead of fixing our hoarding issues, I told them that while it may feel overwhelming, they’d want the stuff. Put it in storage when I die until you can go through it. 👀
Don’t let anybody in the fam take advantage of your mental state after I die and take the stuff 👀
So I’ve contributed to their hoarding problem as well 👀
Albeit, I’m not actually hoarding trash but I haven’t been left alone with my own property, I’d probably have a tunnel dug to hell 👀
Trespassers shot on sight 👀
I am the dog 👀
Might catch me howling under the Moon 👀
Stood up too fast tonight and started slipping into death 👀
I don’t know what lessons I’m supposed to be learning. If the lesson is love by not getting any love, then I accept my fate and am ready to die on the street.
If I’m still here because someone else hasn’t learned the lesson, can we hurry up?
I know things before they happen but yet still manage to make the wrong choices?
Because they were already decided before I took this form 👀
I’m here to teach you a lesson but who hath eyes to see?
Don’t fucking embalm me when I die, don’t fucking cremate me, don’t fucking embalm me
I don’t think the bugs will eat my hair
I want my bones to take 10,000 years to decay
Don’t let them embalm me!
I don’t want to be preserved!
I want to recycle into the Earth.
It’s pretty fucking simple and Florida allows you to be buried on your own land
I can have my own little family cemetery, it’ll be a cemetery of fucking one just like my life but whatever all I need to do is buy my plot of land
I don’t even need to have cemetery space
I’m gonna have my own goddamn land bitches were my body can be buried because Florida allows you to bury yourself on your land
I can crawl into my own fucking ditch and die
Plant an apple tree by the cemetery
It’s cheaper to buy land for me to live on than cemetery space to be buried
I thought the season had come and gone? Fleeing reason with curtains drawn? How lost was Eden, without her dawn? Left hand held treason, right hand moved on?
Me. Next to a swamp. No filter. Freckles and worry lines uggggg…. But pigtails caught the eye of a dad and son trio, when he randomly asked if I “got the shot” I thought he was asking me about the vaccine lol – but he meant the photos! Lol I iz ditzy but the son kept answering for the dad, I must have been a ditzy hit. 😏
I am tore up about that building collapsing in Miami. Another Boeing basically. The Baby Boomers set us all up for failure. They cut every corner they could and painted over every red flag!
How many more people are gonna die in the hundreds?
That building suffered extensive structural damage so they decided to put heavy equipment and work on the roof. Sounds like another CEO who would rather pay a lawsuit or two than fix a building.
Just like it was easier for NASA to “retire” the Space Shuttle whom NASA murdered 16 astronauts with – instead of building safe rockets that land.
You’re telling me we’ve been giving them our tax money since 1954 and all they’ve come up with is a goddamn satellite that they’ve put up into space to keep you distracted from the fact that you’re a fucking slave, Neo!?!
I don’t want my tax money going to NASA. I never voted for that. I wasn’t even alive.
When do new generations get some say on how life is going to be?
Because as far as I can tell, the people who are in charge, keep fucking everything up. And on purpose.
They don’t fear punishment.
We fucking do tho don’t we.
Jail is the least scary place for me these days.
I’d get a bed, clean shower and three meals a day.
I want the 1% to know fear
Operation Stand Down – OSD – begins with you and me
Yup I’ve got a name for it now 👀
Where my squad? 👀
How the fuck do we talk more n a secure line? 👀
They use advertising to legally track us
And to control us as well
It’s bullshite and I don’t know how it manages to ignore the fucking constitution
These loopholes need concrete 👀
And I wish the press would stop gaslighting us about there being hope for people buried underneath the 12 stories that fell on top of them
They’re dead
Whatever oxygen they may have had, is definitely fucking gone now
They don’t even hear banging anymore so they fucking failed the clean up
Nobody is really good at their jobs anymore if you fucking pay attention to 90% of the population they don’t give a fuck about their job at all not one fucking ounce of empathy not the fucking people working in the hospitals not the people working at the fire stations they’re fucking dead inside – fucking dead 👀
More dead than those buried under 12 stories of rubble
But we can hope 👀
I don’t see anything negative against age play on WordPress – just says to place a NSFW adult content warning in the title
I struggled with posting this TikTok even though I worked hard on it because it wasn’t perfect but I need to get use to making mistakes in front of people or I’m never gonna be able to read my poetry live and I have a brain injury and anxiety and all kinds of other fucking things that I’m pushing through 😑
Yelling at everybody on TikTok who keeps talking about the baby boomers, the millennials, and generation Z and completely ignoring the fact that generation X exist – just like my goddamn childhood – I have no fucking identity 😑
Statistically speaking, I guarantee you there have been more people who have dropped dead by suicide by generation X than of all the generations that have gone before or after
I’d like to see that chart
Suicides per generation
I bet my goddamn life on it that Generation X will have the most deaths via suicide
And I’m not just yelling at them but blocking them
Jesus was pretty angry at the establishment before he died though too
You made a mockery of my house these bruises vivid Fleeing reason Like lying to the wind Consequences rigid Or maybe gods to blame my wings unfitted Now trapped beneath the cross I’m scorched and livid Did you ever stop to think Your words imprinted Whether I was meant to see Your light emitted Is forgiveness in the tree You were acquitted
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He leaves me clues confessing They could be lies to keep me guessing There’s trouble around always pressing He’s pouring poison on the gauze I’m here dressing
When you are a warrior, but sustained a wound When they utter hero, but you have no tomb When they yell it’s summer, but you’re stuck in doom When you really need him, but don’t know what to do
Can I be the soil under your roots? Or the vine that’s growing our sweetest fruits? Can I be the voice that settles disputes? Can I be the rug you toss your boots?
To the world a punisher Made of iron, “the resister” But he needed more from her Maybe love as his governor He has the key to enter It would end all winter
I feel the motion Of time And you Flowing like an ocean
The air is toxic And care It just isn’t there
I’m slipping Detachment from feeling Or maybe why I’m reeling
I hear The words, the lines They’re still not appealing
The tears They just never end And written text He won’t ever send
I’ll make dying an art as he slipped the blade from earth’s heart 💔
The continents may be fractured but now they have a chance to part
Is the Great Filter in our rearview?
What if we are a chance encounter?
Are you an interstellar comet? Fixed beneath promise Drifting between done it?
Glowing pink hues Maybe it’s just vomit? 🤔 God’s sick of promise?
1900 miles from ordinary 1900 truths from where I’m cold and buried Underneath the shroud Burden is all we carried
I’d jab out my eye with this broken crystal ball
I’d rip across the flesh but I don’t have the gall
I send him notes in private And even with the wind hailing All is quiet Dancing solemnly Outside a riot No normalcy Chaos our diet We sail the sea Like we’re compliant
Maybe I don’t want to see with eyes that bleed When all who stand before me fail to lead Maybe I will kneel to all I ever wanted In a field of lies, was truth a dream you ever really haunted?
Are we like string theory, connected to everything? Cuz we’re not attached. Yet we are one? 🤔
But I don’t even know you. You don’t even know me. I can’t live without you. But you can. Or, am I the reason you come up for air? Can’t breathe in hell? 😑
Why am I fascinated in the shape that light can make? Is it equilibrium or a reflection of mistake? Is it heading towards chances I can never take? Is this really freedom or a cage I have to break?
Lately he’s been sweeping out the cobwebs The devil’s interested in the details He’s focused on the way my story unveils He claims I am the reason that the earth swells
I mean, the world is falling apart, but I still love you.
It’s ridic. Right? 🤔
God created this obsession FYI
And I actually know what a black hole feels like
I actually know what Sagittarius A* feels like
It’s possible that sometimes I am Sagittarius A*
When other girls are talking to you
👀
But like I love this dude and the love has manifested to be real because he bought me pizza 👀
😑
Uhm, so I haven’t lost all my ass or leg progress yet but I feel nowhere near like I’m ready to start fitness again and it’s really scary to be having these kind of heart problems at my age over a fucking vaccination.
If you’re still supporting me even though I am dying and venting on the daily, thank you.
I get called lazy for serving my country and I get called lazy for having an OnlyFans.
Jesus Christ left Mary Magdalene in charge of the gospel and they wiped her from the books and labeled her a whore.
Just like me!!!
They create poor conditions for you to live in and then condemn you for trying to survive.
They fucking condemn you if you try to die by suicide as well.
“No no no you’re not allowed to die like that, it’s a sin”!
Apparently it’s a sin if you lust after somebody else even though that is actually biology
And “a sin” if you try to die because you don’t want to live in this bullshit life
The only thing that is not a sin is giving them money
Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of your money
Was just having a bath thinking how water must be similar to a black hole and vice versa – The Fibonacci sequence – galaxies – how storm clouds on Earth are the same as a gas giant like Jupiter- it’s the same patterns and makeup. Snails. Biology. Poem. 🤓
It’s hard for me to even understand the concept of a black hole but I’m trying to with water.
It drains
👀
So do galaxies.
Where does all that gas stuff go?
The multiverse?
Because I’m believing more and more in a multi-verse than a big bang.
I’ve only just now understood that Jupiter is two times farther away from us than the sun, which is why it looks so tiny.
I thought Jupiter was just smaller but I knew it was far away I just didn’t realize it was that far away
👀
So what they gonna do when they reach another galaxy?
Give them a bible and start the same routine? Burning people at the stake for not believing?
Fear, it’s molecular now innit.
😑
They called Mary Magdalene a whore too and tried to erase her from the books, sound familiar?
I am in the eye of a storm brewing My eyes on the horizon of my choosing Is it an enemy or a friend I am losing Torn pages from books I am removing Broken bottles every avenue I’m now strewing
I wrote the fucking thing but someone else is just going to steal it and then all of their followers are going to leave them the most amazing comments like they’re the best writer ever in the world and they’re gonna all buy each other’s books and support each other 👀
It’s basically the blues and if my daddy would have wanted to love me instead of fuck me I’d probably be playing the harp right now like David Gilmour’s daughter is doing
Not all daddy’s are bad
The grass IS greener
Apparently
👀
But God is also in a band called Pink Floyd
👀
And he sold all his guitars and it’s basically the end of the world
PoeEternal 