Emotional blackmail is what she has for sale
Trying to trap his love because she’s not feeling well
I warned him before she is a demon sent from hell
With flaming red hair and a soppy story to tell
© Delia Ross. 2019
Praying he makes future better choices, & she needs to let go. Trying to trap him because she is sick is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.
Struggling to put words on the page
Trying to keep the ink from turning red
Difficult finding solitude while I age
Wishing he’d free me from this dread
Difficult finding strength just to engage
Pacing around in circles since he fled
Cannot find my freedom in a cage
Does he understand a word I said
Love is free, it shouldn’t cost a wage
But like a war it turned into bloodshed
As if a play he exited from the stage
And where he goes an angel cannot tread
He avoids the truth like it is a plague
And his thoughts of me he can never shed
Just a gust of wind is all I need to enrage
Already mending pieces where I lost my head
© Delia Ross. 2019
I did a soft reading of this on my Tuners account (free to listen, no download needed. Great app by Alex Ebert, free app to use too): https://tuners.io/tracks/13799
I’ve never hurt like this before
And I have hurt a hundred different ways
Deserted near his open shore
And I have lost 300 days
Darkness now my only oar
And so I sail his hopeless maze
Hoping there is something more
And a chance to catch his rays
© Delia Ross. 2019
The shape of you
Appears in a dream
Like a butterfly of hope
Encasing over me
Like the colors of a rainbow
Love flows in through a stream
And nightmares of us ending
Break away at the seam
Pictures of us together
Paint a different theme
© Delia Ross. 2019
Sometime in January of this year I realized my blog was at 5k and it struck a fire in me to start writing more. I figured it would take until the end of the year to even reach 10K but that was my new goal for the year. Writing is therapeutic for me and so I started nurturing my blog by writing more, and nearly on a daily basis this entire year. I kept writing because you kept reading. And here we are now and my blog is a few hundred hits away from 35,000 worldwide views. Incredible. Having 10K visits to my blog is such an achievement for me and for someone who writes poetry which is a hard field to get noticed in. Just ask Edgar Allan Poe. I am grateful for my readers. I can’t make any promises on what 2020 will bring, but I can say you made my 2019 very fulfilling. And even though there have been a few bumps along the way, I hope to go into 2020 with an open heart. And so if I have wronged you, I ask for your forgiveness. And if you have wronged me, I forgive you. Happy holidays and Friday the 13th and last Full Moon of the year. Sending you positive energy, and good vibes along the wire. I love all of yous.
Bathe in our river of blood
Regret comes in a flood
Reborn to the silence of us
Drowning but we won’t give up
The drowning man will always take down another
Wouldn’t it be something if you chose not to hurt her
Where is the honor of being a deserter
Blasphemous to replace her at her altar
Peering over into your reflection
Tampering with fate by another obsession
The game was rigged I’m seeing deception
Being a monster your number one profession
Brown, blue, green or hazel eyes
They all equal another prize
On and on you keep crafting lies
You are a thing to despise
I can smell a lie a mile away
In every direction they will sway
Maybe they’ll catch on another day
I am disgusted by the games you play
© Delia Ross. 2019
The way forward is forgiveness not revenge
The way to forgiveness takes walking on your feet
To stir stagnant waters growing underneath
You need truth in your amends
Stuck in the rut so now you build a trench
But nothing in your life you ever do enrich
What is behind the mask that you defend
A worthless man (whom none can depend)
An end to the suffering and all you demise
The pain you inflict with only blue eyes
So quick on the tongue to startle and avenge
There’s no safety in pretends
The love now cold where once was a furnace
A love so sure now not so certain
Just another sheeple behind a dirty curtain
Well, you’re just like the others who never grow from learning
Negative energy you build like a wall
Fire the gun but then you stall
Say you can love but you haven’t at all
Maybe you’re standing but you’re not very tall
The way forward is forgiveness not revenge
And maybe if you ask you’ll get it in the end
So stop building your defense
There are many you need to transcend
© Delia Ross. 2019
Go ahead and take what is remaining
Place a temple where the love is waning
Years go by but only pain is gaining
You’ll never find a love like mine remaining
Take her veil and throw it in a river
Loving her takes more than a mirror
Even blind you cannot see more clearer
Look away even though you need her
© Delia Ross. 2019
There must be one hundred million miles of dreams inside him
There must be one hundred million miles of heaven beside him
Such depths are his oceans I beg to swim in
Both light and dark a great nebula still forming
There must be a hundred million reasons I can love him
© Delia Ross. 2019
The wind blows through with piercing cold sorrow
The challenge is finding a purpose for tomorrow
His lies burrow deep into a heart now hollow
I once was his light but now I’m just his shadow
© Delia Ross. 2019
Out there on the horizon
A glimpse of redemption
While crawling over ice thinning
And tethers strained from the tension
As the distance slowly lengthens
Where the darkness comes to listen
Reflections rarely glisten
Just a sight of mostly deception
And fragile connections
No regrets for him I’m guessing
And I failed another lesson
Thinking love was a blessing
Not another interception
Not a secret obsession
Gifting only depression
His attention another direction
I get no affection
Not even a chance for selection
Just a ghost in another dimension
And my hate for him I’ll mention
Over and over in confession
With or without aggression
I’m at peace in this session
Writing bygones and rejection
What again was the question?
If shame were a crime, you reached perfection
Now go focus on another erection
And you better get tested for infection
Because you’ll stick it wherever there is exception
How much pussy is in your collection?
Disgusting vile worthless tool with zero potential
© Delia Ross. 2019
Reality came crashing down
And hit like a rogue wave
Promises like broken glass
Which sliver over rage
Life jackets unable to float
But still promising to save
Regret now a sinking ship
An apology is what I crave
Memories flood about
Like a visit to your grave
And earlier shall it now arrive
If you don’t learn to behave
Standing on his virtual plank
Tied and bound just like a slave
Recording every cry and slip
A down ending requires the brave
He might peek but never look
And your sorrow is an all-night rave
He may pretend that he is shook
But he’s the one that will deprave
Where clouds are as thick as doubt
And forgiveness you never gave
Where time is as thin as worry
And love it never came
© Delia Ross. 2019
You shouldn’t lead someone on if you never have the intentions of loving them.
You should give people a real chance at love if you are truly searching for a real connection.
If it’s a game of use and muse, the stakes should be known.
I was used, I was lead down a bullshit path, and I was never given a proper chance. He awoke me to the possibility of love without the intentions of ever loving me. And I am the full package and I also know that we’re compatible. But, it was all head games for him. I honestly wish I had never met him (virtually). Or gave any of the very best parts of me (poetry) to him.
But it’s easy to forget, what you’ve done to me…
Ain’t no use standing on the ledge
Ain’t no use living on the edge
Ain’t no use deciding what went wrong
Ain’t no use crying all night long
Ain’t no use denying what was said
Ain’t no use pretending that we’re dead
Seven days, seven broken seals
Seven bottles, seven ways to feel
Seven hands but never any deals
So many hours, nothing helps to heal
Unanswered prayers left me where I kneel
So many arrows but none of them have the kill
Prayers just to get me through the pain
I’d give it all up for just another day
Darkness now engulfs my only view
I can’t accept that our time is through
Throw my troubles far into the past
Give myself a break from coming last
© Delia Ross. 2019
Back to where I started
Love evacuates for the broken hearted
Now assembling all the shattered pieces
Fuck forgiveness, I have a grievance
Hopeful is the day I’m laying in a plot
Worry is the love now tangled in a knot
Forgiveness is a treat and I never have that much
Love is the answer but you’ve clearly lost your touch
Rewind, fast forward, start again
All I wanted was a friend
I found myself within your world
I guess I’ll always be that girl…
© Delia Ross. 2019
“Fall back! Retreat!”
My tongue is on repeat
My heart isn’t listening
It has burrowed in your sleep
“Take cover, find shelter!”
But I can handle most any weather
A simple dweller
Under a star so stellar
You can bury me but love you cannot remove
Is there anything else left to prove?
We all have lives we need to improve
My forgiveness is on the move
Clawing out of my silken cocoon
Growing over the words that you croon
Hoping for chance but loving too soon
I’ll never get over you…
© Delia Ross. 2019
Fool’s gold
That’s what you sold
Do you always gift your muse
A fistfuck in the heart to bruise
Poison in her chalice
Written words of malice
A traitor in your trade
Heaven now will fade
You tossed away your destiny
You systematically destroyed me
You ran headfirst into decay
You laughed as I turned away
I wish I didn’t know you were out there
Somewhere living without a care
Never once really needing my hand
That was only pretend
Stuck on a dead-end road with a killer
Reached for your hand as a healer
I would wish you well
But I am in hell
Praying now to forget your face
Begging god just to fix the ache
It’s still cold when the sun is shining
Please tell me where is the silver lining?
© Delia Ross. 2019
What a despicable thing you have become
The tether rotted, the damage done
I’m not the only thing from which you run
My tears are flowing but you are having fun?
She’s with you now I know she is
I would rather die than keep going through this
I wish I had never felt your virtual kiss
I wish your name I could forget
© Delia Ross. 2019
He’s got a black tongue
a fat thumb
a constant desire-
to fetch and come
but like all liars
and in between fires
your city he’ll crumble & burn
© Delia Ross. 2019
It takes alot of strength to be a good person
It takes alot of steel to not make it worsen
It takes alot of fuel to keep the flames burnin’
It takes alot of prayer to never feel a burden
So you shed another skin and you’re mending up your heart
It’s been patched so many times that it keeps falling apart
Make it up the hill before his love can depart
Climbing all this time, I guess it wasn’t very smart
Lay down my rifle, lay down my pen
Take a breath, count to ten
I’ll give forgiveness just don’t ask when
I still search for peace though I’ve lost all my zen
It takes a lot of dark to appreciate the day
But when you make it through there’s no reason left to stay
What does the hero do when he’s only come to pray
What does the writer write when there’s nothing left to say
© Delia Ross. 2019
Heartbreak hotel
In the center of hell
Under sorrow I dwell
I am not feeling well
Part alive, part dead
Mostly full of dread
To sadness I am wed
In a world he will never tread
Spoken words, incantations, or curses
Only dead things here to worship
Above; heaven on the surface
But watch him draw the curtain
(So I just keep hurtin’)
Moments of magic like electricity
Flashes of hope set my soul free
The hand was one and not an army
Words sweetened just like candy
Skeletons, nightmares, and broken dreams
Are all that’s left for me
Your words like a symphony
Helped me grow so vividly
Mourning the loss of trust
Mourning the fate of us
Overwhelmed by the life you crushed
I thought you were made of stardust
Stranded in our garden
With nothing left to bargain
One heart simply starving
Crimson tears set to harden
© Delia Ross. 2019
I didn’t think it could hurt any deeper
Or that he could become a colder creature
He’s got a taste for evil and that’s only a teaser
The devil says he was born a natural deceiver
Deep he draws blood from within my vein
A master of lies and pain is his reign
An unmanly thing with a tarnished name
A useless boy always inheriting blame
You can lead a demon to heaven but you can’t make him enter
You can stomp on a flame but it still needs an ember
I can say I hate you but there’s still love in the center
I can pretend you don’t exist but your words I still remember
© Delia Ross. 2019
The crest on my chest
It means faithfulness
Loyalty cannot be bought
But it is hard fought
I loved you whole didn’t I
So why the blood no matter how I try
I am stuck at your crossroads
In pieces and fragmented shadows
Over and over I go over this lesson
But no answers tell where the pain will lessen
Just as I’m stable you throw another grenade
I’ve been wounded in ways you can’t hurt with a blade
Lost may you be but I love you the same
Hate is your hand but love is my aim
Stuck in quicksand and on a frozen route
Clouds of confusion but still love you devout
© Delia Ross. 2019
I suppose it’s more than a name, more than a code of honor, more than a tattoo…
I’m trying to make repairs but I feel depleted
Unlike invisibility, I’ve simply been deleted
A guest where the heart never once was greeted
But first in his line to always be mistreated
No pardon, no mercy
Just a girl he will never see
One weeping heart in agony
Sad girl diary on repeat
© Delia Ross. 2019
Now that the room is empty
And the coffin is nailed closed
Now that the guilt is plenty
Where few ever opposed
Now that less is trendy
And eyes have been sewed closed
Now that few is many
Where your masks have been exposed
Now that desert has found sea
And your words have decomposed
Now that stone is heavy
Was there more I ought to know?
© Delia Ross. 2019
I mean, all a man has is his word and honor so what does that make you!?! Your word is useless now. And honor? You’ll never know…
Look away from the boy lost in his cell
Look away from the monster creating his own hell
Look away from the blood pouring from where we fell
Look away from the moment his heart made your heart swell
Look away from the pimp who never cares to ask if you are well
Look away from the girls he has under his constant spell
© Delia Ross. 2019
She is cut from a different cloth…
It’s like she can see through his masks to read his thoughts
It’s like she can cut through sin at any cost
It’s like knowledge of her reminds you of all that you lost
It’s like you punish her even though it is always your fault
It’s like she’s sorry she didn’t mean to see through these doors
It’s like she tried to move on but she’s stuck on these floors
It’s like she’s picking up pieces and bandaging sores
It’s like she’s fighting for peace when you only want wars
It’s like the light goes in and comes out in a different way
It’s like a prism of color wrapped in the words you say
It’s like I’ve waited forever so what is another day
It’s like it may be raining but my hearts no longer grey
© Delia Ross. 2019
Yeps, still love you *sigh*
I dropped spoken word of this on my Tuners account the other day…
Love is a lost art
Still I built a special ark
Made from words within my heart
To help you through your dark
(Does it mean anything?)
Sailing through crosses and curses
Sending prayers of ‘is it worth it’
Lingering in places God deserted
Standing stagnant near roads diverted
(Your words sting, they numb my wing)
Leaving hints and traces of echoes
Chained to someone I can’t let go
Drowning in cycles of these lows
Agony abundant where love grows
(I am sinking)
© Delia Ross. 2019
Pull the plug, cut the cord
Your life ain’t worth fighting for
Remove your shield, lay on my sword
Love cost more than you can afford
No love to give, and so I horde
I want it whole, not just a third
Look to mirror, all is blurred
But I see me, when I read your word
And I feel life, where connection occurred
Every single word, goes not unheard
© Delia Ross. 2019
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, unrequited love is wearing me paper thin…
Blood spills over her
Over dead flowers
Lost sleep in the hours
And over things that never matter
“Mina: I want to be what you are, see what you see, love what you love.
Dracula: Mina, to walk with me you must die to your breathing life and be reborn to mine.
Mina: You are my love… and my life, always.
Dracula: Then, I give you life eternal. Everlasting love. The power of the storm. And the beasts of the earth. Walk with me to be my loving wife, forever.
Mina : I love you! Oh, God forgive me, I do!”
LOVE NEVER DIES *sigh* (I still love you)
It’s the devil’s curse
It’s everywhere
It’s worse
It’s there
It’s the devil’s curse
It’s her
She’s everywhere he’s there
Anywhere that he’s there
And her
With the devil’s curse
It’s her she’s everywhere
I don’t care
I don’t care that he’s worse
I can feel him stare
Anywhere she’s there
It’s the devil’s curse
And it’s in his verse
Written in her verse
In blood, the devil’s curse
Signed and written in verse
We’re damned and it will get worse
Tethered to this curse, all of us
© Delia Ross. 2019
A song that formed in my head while I was trying to vacuum (it’s more like a chorus that goes on and on, ethereal, slow, gothy like). Now back to cleaning… (by the way, it feels like spring in Florida in case it’s snowing where you’re at…. neener neener neener- got my window open too- letting light through)
And it’s written in this verse / and it’s getting worse
TERMS YOU NEED TO STUDY / THEN GO NO CONTACT
TRIANGULATION, GASLIGHTING, LOVE BOMBING
These are common tools and tactics the narcissist will use to manipulate, confuse, and control you. GO NO CONTACT!
I know it hurts honey, I’m hurting too. But, they are incapable of real love. You gotta go no contact. There’s nothing you can do to change them. You can’t fix them. They are damned. Save yourself! Go NO CONTACT. NO LOOKING BACK!
He is a masterpiece
My eyes do not deceive
In silhouette of starlight
He gets the best of me
A silver crescent moon above in his sky
Under careful watch of his truthful eye
He gives me courage so I have wings to fly
My heart will gladly testify
There’s never poison in the bait
Or written words that adulate
The path is narrow but always straight
His love leads me to his holy gate (a place I never ache)
© Delia Ross. 2019
I don’t know how your holiday went but I focused on growth and light. ✌
Juggling bills
Swallowing pills
Killing the feels
Offering new deals
Promising cheers
Wherever there’s thrills
Upgrading my skills
Prepping for chills
Losing our wills
Marching in drills
Love without refills
© Delia Ross. 2019
Every part of you is my favorite
Except the one where I am hated
© Delia Ross. 2019
I warned you, didn’t I?
I pointed out the red flags
But oh you still believe in words
Where mouths will always lie
You think I am crazy?
Truth is my only mask
Though you see it as trash
I wear integrity as we all cry
I warned you of this guy
But still you open wide
You stay by his side
When you know deep down he is mine
Stones like troops berating
Maybe queen was only saving
You from injury
That will keep you aching
© Delia Ross. 2019
When warnings go unheard
When she gets what she deserved
Where tears flow unfurled
An angel with wings now curled
Where silence pours in the crack
With eyes not looking back
Where eyes now appear black
And the love is what they lack
When they mock her only truth
And he swallows at her youth
And there’s never arms to soothe
When you give up way too soon
When darkness is the only light
Where the tongue has no blight
When there’s something quite not right
So you disappear into the night
© Delia Ross. 2019
Our life is an epic poem
Like the Great Red Spot on Jupiter
Our pain is our greatest storm
And we burrow and we rise in perfect form
Struggles are ingredients to our lives
And we sprinkle bits of honey on the knives
And we reach such depths in our dives
But this is how all life thrives
In our toolkit we have so much courage
We eat our sadness like it is porridge
We peer into darkness where we flourish
And our will becomes an endless forage
© Delia Ross. 2019
Alex Ebert inspires me so much, in every possible way. His pep talk on Tuners radio hit a core. I am grateful for him. For being able to learn and grow and not be stagnant in my woe. But to flourish and thrive. You cannot have light without the dark. And so I see my darkness in a new light. And so I take these waves to greater heights, as I settle in the cold black night. Everything’s gonna be alright. Just gotta get through the bite. Then sight. If you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts and ideation, you really should go listen to his pep talk, it’s under 2 minutes but maybe the greatest lesson of my life. Listen for free (no download needed): https://tuners.io/tracks/13446
I also dropped this poem as a spoken word reply under his thread “You Are Courageous” under Alex’s Tuners Radio account, if you wanna have a listen: https://tuners.io/tracks/13492
Teeth grinding
Mind rewinding
Truth is frightening
Fear like lightning
I cannot stop crying
As I drift into our never
I cut our tether
It was bad weather
For worse or for better
I will love you forever
© Delia Ross. 2019
Bandage over cracks with sticky lies
Remove all color from open eyes
Stand by idle and listen to their cries
While crafting up more precious alibis
Feckless is the one who never tries
But others lick lies up with little sighs
He’s still got his eye on the wrong prize
Soon too late for even cold goodbyes
© Delia Ross. 2019
Regret; you wear it like a dress,
Take it for a spin in a shiny corvette.
Integrity; you haven’t got any yet,
Honesty a language you never learned I bet.
Lies; they’re like sparkle in your disguise,
When it meets the light it always make the shadows cry.
Tears; they come wrapped as a favorite prize,
Just another reason the Earth will die.
© Delia Ross. 2019
Narcissism is destroying the world.
Money won’t buy it all
My love is not for sale
And even if it was
You’d never get a pail
© Delia Ross. 2019
Why doesn’t he care about me I wonder
Why does he fill my heart with thunder
Why does he disappear and I step with blunder
Why can’t I ever be his favorite number
Where does the sun hide when it goes under
Would he be interested in me if I were younger
Will his disease always keep him a runner
Can he crawl from his dark and squeeze into my summer
© Delia Ross. 2019
Forward calls, voicemail full
Store away the wings, ride the bull
Expose the mask, clean the wool
Give sheeple a tug, see if heart can pull
Cotton balls or iron spoons
Pay for love through blackened rooms
Seen as gain but more cartoons
Heard them crying over popped balloons
Walk away again, bury my hope
You gave him love, he gave you rope
Sinful tongue must clean with soap
Life just means I cannot cope
Sunday here, someday gone
Won’t even bother writing a Dear John…
Might stick around and watch his dawn
But he took me down like a baby fawn
He set the bar low but it is nonexistent
Perhaps it is there and I only missed it
If it’s a girl with missing panties, he will crawl persistent
If it’s an angel with a heartbeat, he will keep his distance
© Delia Ross. 2019
“Still looking for someone
Who was around
Barely coping
Now I hate myself
Wish I’d die” (-)
All his life they taught him he is worth what he could pay
All her life they taught her she is worth what they can take
Both have outstretched hands but neither know the way
Both keep writing words but it never heals the ache
© Delia Ross. 2019
You never saw it coming my confession
My tongue split your head like a weapon
And my love was treated with rejection
Just a poison to your world you live in question
But I was the remedy already in session
And you failed every lesson
Your mask like glass brought out aggression
When I had been your only blessing
You lost my affection
What is now your direction
Another cheap gal I’m guessing
© Delia Ross. 2019
Do you ever regret it, responding to me on Instagram the way you did, when I came with pounds of fright and courage, to deliver you a special package, that you just threw on the floor and crushed? You knew my heart was inside, shaped as a poem? You know it’s the very moment it died? An angel came to you and you made her cry. Are you alive?
Push me to the edges of the brink
When all it takes to forget me is a blink
His love is black and rarely pink
We’re not connected but still in sync
He is so cold I am forming ice rings
Circling around wherever he springs
Love is only meant for cheap things
Angel’s aren’t meant for such wings
His gravity kept me hoping
In a spiral of uncoping
Like a thread that keeps unroping
I am slowly eroding
© Delia Ross. 2019
Turn on my dreams, there you are
Wake up my eyes, thoughts aren’t far
Can feel a tightness in my heart
Before just emptiness and dark
Enter my life and now there’s art
Needed you from the start
Connected to you like a binary star
Spinning so fast can’t stop the spark
BOOM! Like a big bang you left a mark
© Delia Ross. 2019
Death is going to come like a creature in the night
Everything dies but it still gives me fright
You’re using all your cum but creating stillness life
You think you’re having fun but you’re killing all with light
© Delia Ross. 2019
I love you
So give me the stone
I’ll break your throne
Alone, so you can really roam
Then maybe you’ll return back home
You’ve lost your sense you know
But god I love you so
I know you know –
I’m tethered to your soul
© Delia Ross. 2019
Thistles and thorns
Broken forms
Tools and twats
Don’t mean alot
Here comes my storm
I will breach your shore
I will bring some more
I will settle the score
Should care if you rot
But I am not
I’ll speed up the clock
With a girl named glock
Just come to my block
I’ll show you how many feelings I’ve got
© Delia Ross. 2019
PoeEternal 