I am lying in rubble
I cover earth in dew
Every sign points to trouble
I just want to be with you

And so the air I cuddle
Remembering that you breathe it too
Every night I crumble
But dreams always change my view

© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal

I love the real world and the dreamworld with you.

I like the plans and the mess.

I like the spontaneous combustion with you.

From combat boots to stilettos – and me standing in my very first pair for the very first time. Now I know why a poll is involved generally when in use. Or, another human being. For support. 👀

So they’ve gotten a lot of really good feedback so I’m going to keep them even though they pinch my toes.

They will be good for theatrics, photoshoots, or as fuckware. They are definitely hard to walk in but I’m getting better. 🤪

I picked up the Pleaser Devil Kat Stacks Adore in Black/Red from one of my favorite stores called DollsKill. They’d been in my wishlist for a minute. Figured they’d go with most of my wardrobe (which is black).

I’m working on new content – albeit not a light-speeds.

I have something wrong with my fucking heart.

We only have 4 valves right? Because I don’t want to Google or to remember.

I don’t want to think that my heart is actually working at 50% capacity because that would explain the pain coming from my fucking chest and when my mind and heart connect it starts hurting a whole lot worse so I’m having to disassociate thank you bye

I’ve also spent a lot of time under my heating pad.

I only had four puffs from one cigarette from a pack of menthol that I have had in my freezer for months but after I read that the FDA are banning them and I figured I was dying so what the fuck, I had a few puffs. As goodbye. And an act of rebellion. Fuck the FDA.

Also, there isn’t anybody else threatening to kick my ass so I don’t have to go all fucking Unhinged.

That was a momentary lapse of reason.

I’m mostly just dying. But then he came to visit me last night and he said he missed me and then surprised me with pizza but then even more spoiling cuz he ordered stuff from my Amazon Wishlist and ain’t nobody ever done that.

Ain’t no guy ever spoiled or romanced me.

I get to do things with him nobody else will let me do.

Being unexperienced just means improv to me.

I don’t feel unexperienced, I have a four page resume and a deteriorating mind.

Before long, I’ll be having things pasted on the wall.

Newspaper clippings in weird code solving the mysteries of the universe written in a format only he would understand.

But I definitely do not want to be witch lady with 50 cats because I can barely stand having one under my foot. 👀

It’s an evil little beast on 4 legs.

And I’m programmed to see it as an innocent kitten.

But it’s not, it’s a little terror machine.

I just want him.

Why is that so fucking much to ask?????

Why can’t I have him right now?

While I still have a half functioning heart.

(He probably has the other half)

(Wouldn’t mind actually laying next to his chest and allowing our hearts to go in sync and beat synchronized)

I need him.

His kisses, his stories, and whatever else he throws in the mix.

I only rest when he comes around.

I can’t fucking sleep without him.

2 responses to “Dreams”

  1. Wow, that closing entry hit different, Its a total mood, and in fact the exact way I feel about my Her. If only she were a little closer, I’d be able to sleep properly. Best of luck to you, and to myself!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I always like to leave room for a little hope in this very very darkened world. I really appreciate your feedback and it feels nice that someone can relate to how I feel albeit I wouldn’t wish this on my enemy. I won’t rest until I’m in his arms. I will tear down heaven and hell to get to him. But my heart is spent, he may need to now meet me halfway (less I die mad in the street like Edgar Allan Poe). I wish you and her a happy ending. And togetherness.


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